1000andonethoughts

[1000andonethoughts]

Someday it will be okay,

and you don't have to wonder why

things need to happen that way.

Hope // ma.c.a

[1000andonethoughts]

I used to be in love with an alcoholic. I lived with a person of two different personalities. Seldom did I get to see the person I fell in love with. When I did get to see the real version you were hung over every other day on the couch sleeping. Sleeping all day. Ignoring your children, Ignoring the possibilities of a sunny 80 degree day in New York that could of been spent doing something productive, Ignoring the one person who really loved you. I felt like you were selfish. You'd put on your headphones and ignored the world. Oh how I hated those headphones.. and how I hated the long nights at work dreading what I would come home to. Would the kids be in bed? Would you be drunk and passed out in a puddle of piss on the floor on the verge of alcohol poisoning? Would all the lights be on while you're downstairs blasting music in your ear? Or better yet would the doors all be locked while I'm freezing outside without a coat on pounding on the bedroom window just to wake you up to let me inside? It never stops hurting. Hurting to know if you're doing the right or wrong thing. Wondering how two beautiful innocent children are doing knowing they wonder about me too. I can't listen to certain music because it makes me think of you, or the kids. I can't drive through certain towns knowing we use to go there. I can't drive by your new home and just wonder what the inside is like. Is it messy ? Are beer cans still piled up in garbage bags in the backroom? Or is it clean? Do you actually clean up after yourself now and the kids? I hope you're doing fine. I wish you all the best this holiday season. This year we don't have to worry. This Christmas I don't have to come home to a drunk . We don't have to hit eachother and fall over presents and scare the kids. I don't have to go upstairs afterwards and tell them its not their fault and explain to them how mad I get when daddy drinks. Its not their fault I left. Its yours.

[1000andonethoughts]

The best part of the end of my work day is always a nice hot shower, pajamas, taking care of the fur babies and telling them good night. Then turning the fan on and laying there in bed slowly feeling the muscles in my back, feet, and shoulders all relax. Ahhhh 😌

[1000andonethoughts]

Progress

Credits: huntersmoon77_ on we heart it

[1000andonethoughts]

5 years ago I dated someone with two young children who eventually became my own. I loved and helped raise them like any good step parent should. I went to soccer, hockey, basketball, baseball games, dance recitals, did fun sleepovers, craft days, random icecream trips. Anything you could think of, I was there. But when the world we once knew came to a end, I wasn't allowed to see or speak to those kids again. Fortunately.. love is much stronger than hatred. Till this day we all have our small forms of internet connection between eachother to keep in touch secretly of course. So to the Dad who never wanted me in their lives again because "they didn't want someone in and out of their lives" or someone who "isn't a stable parent figure" one day you'll realize that you misjudged how much a mother can love a child and she will do anything to keep even the smallest portion of their lives in your heart.

I know that your daughter won the soccer game 1-0 over the weekend and then went out Halloween night with her friends. They dressed up as the Among Us characters. She was red. I know that your son was in trouble and did things no other adult knew.

So please. Next time you want to tell the other person they're not allowed to be involved. Ask the kids. Ask their opinion on it. Maybe that person is one of the most valuable people in their lives. Just because you resent someone for the pain they put you through or vice versa.. don't let the kids suffer.

[1000andonethoughts]

I needed this today.

[1000andonethoughts]

Rules of Manifestation

1. Vision

focus clearly on what you want.

2. Ask

ask the universe - send it out to the universe.

3. Action

work towards your goals.

4. Trust The Process

in order to manifest - you have to believe it will.

5. Receive

acknowledge and accept what you receive.

6. Raise Those Vibes

you attract what you put out into the universe.

7. Let It Go

remind yourself to breathe and relax - let it fly.

[1000andonethoughts]

in the mood to go into the forest and scream

[1000andonethoughts]

All I want to do is sleep. I don't want to get out of bed . I sleep till almost 5pm at times. I sleep till I have to go to work. Then after work I shower and go right back to bed. I don't reach out the way I should. All I've ever known is having myself to turn to. So here I hide in my cozy little shell.

[1000andonethoughts]

Numb. Emotionless. Tired, very, very tired. Yet I still am up at all hours of the night tossing and turning. I've come here to unleash those raw emotions. Maybe those long sleepless nights will soon be lesser and less eventually. I have so much valuable time every day that I COULD be doing productive and meaningful things. Here I lay in my slump of misery. I cannot pick up a book for long, I can't make a meal, and I don't bother to see the people who want to be involved in my life. I bask in my ray of loneliness all too often.