#& that was 1/2 true ! if only a month earlier than anything happening

[mifhortunach]

.

[h4ndwr1tten]

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭?

characters — nanami kento x reader

note — this took me a long ass time to write. if it seems familiar to any other works, i requested something with the same plot on someone else's blog lololol. THIS IS PART 1 AS IT'S A LITTLE LENGTHY!!! dividers by benkeibear.

(am i posting this on nanami's birthday? yes.)

cw — not proof read, established relationship, kinda ooc nanami? like one mention of sex, pregnancy, strong language, arguing, crying, accusations of cheating, hurt/no comfort.

synopsis — the test results are positive and you aren't ready. when you try to hide this from your boyfriend of 5 years, he assumes the worst.

part 1 | part 2

this wasn't supposed to happen. it shouldn't have happened. you both took every precaution possible to prevent an outcome neither of you were prepared for — from condoms, to birth control, to plan b. it had kept you safe for as long as you started having sex. you never found yourself worried about carrying a life in you for 9 months.

so why now does the test read positive?

it felt like the world stopped moving. you didn't even know if you were still breathing. your heart had fallen into the pit of your stomach, your eyes wide and full of disbelief. you couldn't believe it. it couldn't have been correct. the 99% accurate claim on the kit had to be lying. there was no way it could've been true.

it took some time, but you were able to tear your gaze away from the test. you looked up to the ceiling, blinking away the hot tears you could feel building up. you took a few deep breaths and tried to swallow down the lump in your throat, your fingers trembling around the test.

you've thought about having kids before. you did want them, just not now. you were unprepared for this. how do you raise a kid when you aren't ready, when you aren't even married?

then it hit you — nanami's involved in this too.

the realization made you feel 10x worse. if you weren't ready for a child, you could only imagine how he would feel about this. his life was going so well right now. he was happy with his career and his salary, he was content with the apartment you both shared, and he was even more happy to be with you. he had his whole life and future planned out. he knew when he would retire and even what he'll do in life after he retires. nanami saw you in his future, you were always there when he would think of it. but would you still be there if he found out you were currently pregnant with his child?

you two had never fully talked about having kids together. you both were confident that you would spend the rest of your lives together. you've discussed marriage, homes, and briefly, kids. it was never a deep conversation — you only ever talked about having them and how many there would be. but never about having them earlier than expected.

gosh, you felt like shit. utter, absolute shit. you felt even worse for nanami. you felt like you were going to ruin his life plans. you felt like this would be the downfall of your relationship. and if it was, who knew if you would ever recover.

your phone buzzed with a notification, pulling you back to reality. you didn't realize tears had fallen until one slipped from your chin and landed on the hand gripping the test. you stood from where you sat on the closed toilet and checked your phone. it was a text from nanami.

i'll be home soon, my love. do you want me to bring anything home?

he was so caring. always considering you, always putting you first. you couldn't help but feel even more guilty.

hi ken. could you get some takeout pls? i'm sorry, i'm not in the mood to be cooking rn.

of course. want anything specific? are you feeling alright?

i'm fine. you can choose tonight :)

alright then. i'll be home soon, i love you ❤️

i love you too 💕

you shut your phone off and placed it back on the counter, screen facing down. you felt horrible — he was always thinking of your needs before his. would this end now that your carrying his child? certainly he wouldn't want to have to worry about another person in his life at the moment. you wouldn't want him to worry.

you stood from the toilet seat, about to leave the restroom when you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. your face was bright pink and red, your eyes also red but not super puffy and swollen. some people might think it was allergies, but not nanami. nanami wasn't some people — he knew you better than anyone, perhaps even yourself. he could see right through you, read you like a book. you began to worry what he would say if the pigment in your face didn't fade in time, if he would ask if you had been crying.

what would you say if he did ask? he knows you so well, it's nearly impossible to lie to the man. you could say you were rewatching your favorite show and got emotional, or reading another chapter or more of the book he bought you the other day. but nanami isn't dumb. he would catch on before you could even finish your excuse, he'd know something's up.

you sighed, inhaling and exhaling deeply. you didn't know how this was going to play out. you didn't know how to act or what to say to nanami when he came home. you were just hoping for the best.

the lock on the door clicked once, twice, and then the door opened. you had been in your shared bedroom, watching some corny rom-com to ease your mind. you had hidden any evidence of the pregnancy test. you threw away the box and instructions, then threw out the trash bag you tossed them in. you kept the test, however, and hid it in your purse that was now laying on your bed. nanami wasn't one to snoop. if he wanted to check something of yours, he would ask permission. and if you didn't grant it, he would respect your boundaries like he always does.

"my love?" you heard nanami's voice echo throughout the apartment. normally, you would've been waiting by the door for him and greeted him excitedly, but for obvious reasons, you weren't.

leaving the bedroom and walking to nanami, who was walking in the hallway and you assumed he was looking for you, you gave him a small smile.

"hi ken," you said quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist instead of his neck where you usually do. you stood up on your toes to reach his lips, kissing them gently and not for long. when you pulled back, nanami leaned down for another, a longer one. were you ever going to get these kisses again if he found out you were carrying his child?

for real this time, you both pulled away. you still smiled softly up at nanami, but he was observing you closely, worry swimming in his honey brown eyes.

three things were running through his mind right now: why were your cheeks and eyes tinted a bright red, as if you had been crying? why didn't you seem as eager to see him after work like usual, wrap your arms over his shoulders and around his neck, and kiss him for more than a second? something was wrong. did he do something? did you know what food he bought and were you not pleased by it? were you feeling sick?

"ken?" you asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. "are you alright?"

"are you alright?" he returned, worry still plastered throughout his face.

you then looked confused, though you weren't, slowly nodding your head, "yeah... why?"

nanami stayed quiet for a second. maybe you were just tired, maybe he was overthinking this. but that idea didn't sit right with him. it was like his gut was telling him that something was up with you. but he didn't know what.

not wanting to push you, he answered, "nothing. i missed you though. let's go eat?"

throughout dinner, nanami noticed how quiet you were. if it were any other day, you would have been telling him about your day, the latest gossip, about the episode you watched or the chapter you read. you were barely even touching your food too. you occasionally took small bites, but most of the time, you were just poking it with your fork.

while he was putting the dishes away, you grabbed yourself a glass of water. that's when nanami asked you, "love, are you sure you're alright?"

"yeah, i'm fine. why do you ask that?" you replied unsurely, looking down at your water.

"i'm sorry. you just seem... off." nanami washed his hands, looking you up and down carefully.

that was another strange thing he noticed. you hadn't looked in his eyes when you told him you were fine. you always make eye contact with him. you're never afraid to and you're not one to break it so quickly, much less avoid it.

he was beginning to question whether you were really fine.

you had just finished getting ready for bed, teeth and hair brushed, skin care routine done. nanami had finished getting ready before you, so he was waiting for you by the bed. but instead of reading a book or even scrolling through his phone, his eyes were glued to you in worry. you could tell he was becoming suspicious of you, and you wished you hadn't made your troubles so obvious. your head was beginning to ache and you were desperately hoping that nanami wouldn't ask any questions.

those hopes were left unsatisfied.

"my love, are you sure you're okay?" nanami asked for what felt like the hundredth time today.

you sighed deeply. "yes, kento, i'm fine," emphasizing the fine. "my head just hurts right now. have you seen the tylenol?" you added, hoping that it would be enough to stop his questioning.

"no, do you want me to check your bag?"

you felt stupid for having kept an small extra bottle of tylenol in your bag. nanami reached over to your side of the bed, grabbing your purse. he had pulled the zipper open when you realized what was about to happen.

"no!" you yelped, practically sprinting to the bed and snatching the bag away from him. you checked to see if the bag had been open enough to see the test, which it hadn't, and some relief washed over you. but then you realized how much worse you had made your current situation with nanami.

fuck. i fucked up. i'm fucked.

nanami's brows were furrowed together, his face painted with a mix of frustration, confusion, and concern. he looked you up and down over and over again, gaze switching from you to your bag repeatedly.

"okay, y/n, seriously. what the hell is going on with you? first, i come home and you don't seem as excited as you tend to be. then your face is all red like you had been crying. then you—you barely talk to me, hell, even look at me throughout dinner! you touched your food like, what, 5 times? and then when i try to look through your bag to help you, you panic and snatch it away from me?"

kento's ramble had you silent. you didn't know how what to say, what stupid excuse you could use, how to explain your behavior. you only avoided his gaze and stared down at your bag. the thick, suffocating silence lasted for a moment longer, then nanami finally spoke again.

"y/n, are you..."

he paused and took a deep breath, as if to prepare himself for what he was about to say.

"are you cheating on me, y/n...?"

you were dumbfounded. in absolute, utter shock. how could nanami, the person who you believed to have the most trust in you, think that you would be unfaithful to him? yes, you realized how skeptical your behavior was. but for him to come to the assumption that you'd cheat on him? it stung a little—a lot, actually.

"what? no... no, of course not, kento! how could you say that?" you retorted, finally looking him in the eyes.

"gee, i don't know, maybe 'cause you can barely even look at me and you're very obviously hiding something!" his voice raising more with each word spoken.

you had no argument to counter what he had just laid out to you because he was right. you couldn't look at him for more than 5 seconds and you were hiding something. you eyed the floor beneath you, opening and shutting your mouth as you tried to think of something to say. nothing ever came out though.

a heavy sigh cut through your thoughts. you looked up from the floor and saw nanami shaking his head, running his hand down his face. he was so disappointed, you could feel his hurt radiating off of him.

"i'm going to sleep," he muttered, reaching for the lamp and dimming it. lying down, nanami shuffled into a more comfortable position, facing away from your side of the bed, and pulling the covers up to his shoulders.

"ken—"

"night, y/n."

you didn't know what you were going to say anyways. tears slid down your cheeks and the least you could do for nanami was keep quiet and let him rest. you realized that you wanted to apologize. apologize for the way you had been behaving towards him this entire evening, for making him doubt your faithfulness to him.

you slid into bed next to him, facing away from him as well. your body shook with the sobs you fought hard to keep in, nose stuffy and pillow quickly becoming soaked. you thought that the positive pregnancy test would have been the downfall of this relationship—now you wonder, will this argument turn these past 5 years into a mere memory?

m. list

[igotanidea]

I am Robin : Damian Wayne x reader (pt 2)

part 1

***

Four months earlier.

She was mindlessly scrolling through her phone, head on Damian’s lap, his fingers threading through her hair. It was one of the very rare gestures of affection coming from him. Rare therefore highly appreciated, especially given the fact that it was mostly happening when they were alone.

It was not her intention to break the moment of peace, but sometimes shit just happens without much input of a human, let alone one’s opinion.

Her sudden gasp, followed by rising from the lying position, eyes widening and mouth falling open in undeniable sign of fear made Damian go into protective mode in an instant.

“Y/N? What happened?” he grabbed her hand and then her cheek, forcing her eyes on him “talk to me. What did you see on that phone?”

“Ba-Ba-“

“Now that’s not very helpful, beloved.”

“Batman…” she finally stuttered

“Fath-“ Damian started but bit his tongue in the middle, having almost spilled the secret of Batman’s true identity “I mean – Batman? What about him?”

“It says here that he captured another criminal…”

“And that’s so bad?”

“No- no, I mean-“

“Love.” Damian sighed and shook his head “I really cannot help you unless you tell me what made you turn into a jelly.”

“I’m scared of him.” She whispered.

“The Bat?” Now, that could turn into a problem, given the fact that she was unknowingly dating the son of Gotham’s self-appointed protector.

“No… Robin…”

“Robin?!” he repeated, with a little more force and surprise than intended and definitely too expressively to make her believe that it wasn’t personal on some level. “What? Why?” his tone immediately softened, turning casual and almost aloof to cover up the initial shock of the news.

“Cause he’s scary.”

“Scary?” Damian echoed, already starting to regret asking in the first place. It was one thing to strike fear into villains, and completely other to make his girlfriend terrified like this. “But- but he protects Gotham with Batman, doesn’t he? Serving justice.”

“Yes, yes I mean – it’s good, but-“

“I’m sure you have nothing to worry about on his part. After all, there’s nothing weighing on your conscience is there?” his piercing eyes landed on her face, arguably a little too focused for comfort. “Apologies.” The intense stare got more calm, as he pulled her into his side, running fingers up and down her back soothingly – be it for her or for him. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from Robin. He has nothing on me.”

If only she knew.

“Dami…”

“Yes, love?”

“You don’t know everything…”

“What do you mean?”  he frowned, trying to read her facial expression.

“I did something bad…”

Now, that could be a problem too, putting his morals into test. If she did something that required punishment, Damian would have to choose between being her boyfriend and the hero he claimed to be. Either becoming a hypocrite or losing her for good.

Not that she actually did anything wrong in the first place.

But for now, he just waited for her to continue, watching the situation unfold.

“About two years ago –“ she started, diving back into the times when they didn’t know each other. “It was very early in the morning, some would say still night… I was at the bakery, cause you know I love freshly baked bread-“ Damian had to bite his lip to not lash on her for giving him so many redundant details instead of just making the point – “when suddenly a group of masked people burst inside.”

“Into the bakery?” he scoffed, mentally calling the robbers fools. “How much did they believe to gain from the bakery attack?”

“Not the point! It was not about the cash in the first place!”

“What is the point then, cause—” the sentence got caught in the middle as Damian remembered the day. He had been patrolling nearby, when gunshots caught his attention. Obviously, not waiting for Batman, he had rushed there, seeing three guys, a terrified girl and the owner of the shop, caught in a very unpleasant situation, involving firearms and an open cash register. The memories of her frightened face swirled in his mind, though he had to play along, pretending like he wasn’t there and had no idea what she was talking about.

“Robin showed up.” She specified, shivering a little.

“But that’s good, right?”

“He was …  ruthless. Dealing with those robbers in a few moves, knocking them to the ground. Making them bleed. A little, though my memory might be distorted by time.” She shook her head as if trying to get rid of the picture from the past. “But it was scary. During the fight I almost got shot myself—”

He remembered that too.

Lunging at her and pressing her to the ground, saving her from the ricochet bullet.

In his own belief, he saved her then, but clearly, In her scared state she saw this differently, getting trauma instead.

“You never told me about that—”

“It’s not something I’m bragging about.”

“Understandable. But why are you scared of Robin? He saved you, didn’t he?”

“But ever since then, he only brings the bad memories. The violence, the fear, the shots. He was almost cruel, fighting with them. Like he lost humanity just swinging his katana in the air. Like an assassin, who would have no problem just cutting people in pieces if they stood in his way.”

His heart broke at that moment.

She saw him – well – his alter ego – as vicious and aggressive.

So it was obvious now – he could never tell her the truth. Not if he wanted her to stay with him and not run away scared and screaming.

Therefore, instead of answering or pushing her to explain further, he just pulled closer without a word, capturing her in his embrace, offering safety and comfort.

If only she knew—

She could never know-

Now.

“I can explain—”

“Get away from me!”

“Please stop yelling.”

“You’re Robin!”

“I am Robin.” He sighed trying his best to keep his cool and not just scream at her for being irrational. 

She had every right to freak out about so many things. He hadn’t.

In the final analysis, it was him who gave her traumatic memories, kept a secret from her, left her in the dark and used his own twisted logic to justify all that.

So it was on him, and now the task on the horizon – convincing her that he was still the same person she knew and loved – was bordering impossible.

Especially given the fact she moved to the most distant corner of the apartment, as far away from him as possible.

And he thought that the worst thing that could ever happen to him was physical pain.

“Y/N, just hear me out.” He took one step forward and she shuddered.

“You’re Robin.” Her sobbing tore through the otherwise quiet space.

“Yes.”

“Was it your plan all along? Trap me like a wild game only to punish later on? Maybe this relationship was fake from the beginning.” She started spiralling out of control and he knew he had to stop it now, before she got into a panic fit or heart attack.

“It was never fake!” he cried out, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to his chest, wrapping arms around her. Mindful to not make her feel trapped or overwhelmed. “It was never fake, beloved…”

“Let go of me!” she struggled against his grip and as much as he wanted to force her to stay in his arms, he couldn’t. Not if making her believe he was not aggressive and forceful was at stake.

“Just kill me already—”

“Kill you?” this time it was him who took a step back, her words like a bolt of electricity sending him into a cardiac attack. “is that what—Y/n! Is that what you think I do?! Kill people?!”

“I don’t know what I believe!” he yelled through the tears “How could you keep this from me!?”

“I’m sorry-“

“I don’t care!”

“Just listen to me!”

“You’re a liar!!”

“Well, technically-“ he became a little defensive, because her logic was holey. Not telling the truth was not the same as lying. Regardless, she never gave him a chance to finish that sentence, throwing a pillow at him. “Really?” his eyes rolled involuntarily in a well -practised almost innate gesture, that was definitely inappropriate in the moment.

“Well I’m sorry, I don’t own a katana like you! Would you rather I start throwing kitchen knives at you!?”

“Not really. Your aim is terrible.” He smirked and she couldn’t help but let out a muffled chuckle at his face.

“Asshole.”

“Now that’s a little offensive.” Seeing her calming down a little he dared to take one step forward, careful as if approaching a wild, untamed animal. “Is there really the need to call me such insulting words?”

“Blockhead.”

“Mhm.” Another step forward. “I’ll take it.”

“Dolt…” she added.

“Anything else on your mind?” he smirked, finally being close enough to grab and squeeze her hands, showing with the gesture that this time he was not going to let go, but also that he was not going to hurt her. Not now, not ever.

“A lot, actually.”

“Well, while you gather those thoughts, how about you let me speak?”

She nodded, and he looked deep into her eyes. Explaining himself or justifying his actions was something new to Damian, who learned that he can pretty much do whatever and whenever without the need to care for anyone.

But there he was, caring for her – loving her – and becoming unable to see her hurt and confused.

“I thought-“ 

“You thought you were protecting me? Please, come up with something original and not the slogan.”

“I was protecting you! And for the record – I forgot what we talked about those months ago! If I remembered that ironically all this time you were scared of me--”

“You forgot my trauma?” she mocked “not good, boyfriend.”

“Shit, Y/N!”

“Damian Wayne, are you swearing?”

“All the dirty things we did and you’re grabbing at my words?”

“Damian!” she blushed, as the situation became a little heated.

“See? This is what you should be linking with me.”

“Seriously, you want me to only think about---?”

“Not only that!” he cried out, becoming awfully aware how smart she was with twisting the words. “I thought you were terrified of me and now you’re just mocking?”

“I was terrified, but seeing you all flustered, unsure how to proceed is becoming funny.” She laughed softly.

“Well I’m glad I could be of entertainment.” He muttered under the nose. “What was so terrible that you think you did after all?”

“You swear you are not here to punish me?”

“I am here because I am in love with you.” There, he admitted it.

“You—“

“I love you.” He said again, not breaking eye contact. “And I hate to see you in so much pain and guilt. Help me help you. Tell me what this is about.”

“That morning at the bakery – I had no idea, I swear—”

“Y/N, take a deep breath. In and out. In and out.” He grabbed her hands, squeezing reassuringly, making her sit against the wall.  “Talk to me.”

“One of the breads …” she stuttered “there was drug powder in it…. That was why those guys attacked the bakery. Cause those were the dealers and the owner got into their black books! But I didn’t know, I only learned about it after the accident…”

“You did nothing wrong.” He cut her off, his tone stern. “You hear me, Y/N? You did nothing wrong.”

“My friend got addicted to it. And It’s my fault, cause I was the one who recommended the place to him!” she whimpered and leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Hey, no.” he pulled her closer into a comforting hug.

“Mhm. Yes.” She sobbed, raising head and looking into his eyes with teary gaze. “It got so serious they admitted him to the rehab facility.”

“It was not your fault.”

“You don’t know that…”

“I do.” Damian sighed, brushing hair from her forehead “that friend you’re talking about? He was quite a piece of shit, if you want my opinion. He wasn’t a victim in the situation, Y/N. He was the mastermind behind all that drug business.”

“And how do you--?”

“Cause I was the one putting him into that facility and seeing his conviction later on.”

“What…?”

“He didn’t just get addicted at his own will, love. He was guilty of much worse things than you accused Robin of. I mean – me.”

“Dami…”

“Hush.. It’s okay. I’m not mad.”

„I’m sorry—”

“No. You have nothing to apologise for. You are right. I never should have kept it from you. But you see, sometimes, the worst monsters are the ones around us, not really wearing masks.”

“When did you get so smart, huh?” her lips twitched a little as she fought the forming smile.

“When I realised that I don’t want to lose you. I am so sorry you had to live in fear and guilt all that time. If I could erase it—” Damian caressed her cheek ever so gently, conveying all the emotions bubbling inside his heart.

“Well at least you gave me closure.” She leaned into his touch.

“Now that you see the man under the Robin mask, tell me -am I really so scary to you?”

“You’ll take offence if I say you’re not, won’t you?”

“Sure.”

“You’re not as scary under the mask.” She laughed softly, and even if those were not the words he would normally accept, she was the exception to his every rule.  

“Hey! Watch yourself!” His tone was less of a warning and more of an expression of relief.

“What?” she grinned playfully. Despite the initial concerns and fear, seeing the side of Damian that not many people get – the goofy and normal one – was helping her realise that Robin was not all he was.

And putting on a vigilante suit was not making him cruel or brutal, bloodthirsty and ready for a killing spree.

Under all that, he was a guy. Her guy. The one who vowed to protect not only her, but the entire city.

Maybe all it took was a reminder of what was hidden behind that attitude and pride.

And she smiled at him.

“Oh no. I know that smile. It means you are forgiving me for being Robin.” He muttered, knowing what was coming.

“Yeah. That I do.” She kissed his cheek. “But-“

“But you’re not forgiving me for keeping the secret.” He sighed, wrapping arms around her. “Which can only mean, I’ll be having a hard time for god knows how long.”

“I love how you get me so well.” She laughed, knowing that whatever punishment she was going to impose on him in the nearest future, he would take it without a word. “But--. Wait, does it mean that your siblings are--?”

“Of course. Took you long enough to figure it out.”

“But—”

“One step at the time, beloved. One step at the time…” 

@obsessedwithromance @sandlexx @123-just-ignore-me @fatimashariq @jinviktor @cupids-diner @booksrcool @angelkat1013

[hellfirenacht]

Wing Man 11

Fic Summary: Steve ‘the Hair’ Harrington is your best friend, and is constantly striking out. Sick of this, you two make a deal; you’ll wing man for each other. Hooking Steve up with dates is easy, but he finds himself struggling to find you a date. At least, until Dustin starts talking about his new cool friend Eddie.

Chapter Summary: Steve talks shit. Paige and Eddie talk business.

5.2k words

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Working for Family Video came with many upsides, especially when you worked with people who you also enjoyed seeing outside of the store. Rentals were already dirt cheap with your employee discount, and near expired candy and popcorn never quite made it into the dumpster out back and somehow magically appeared in your bag instead at the end of your shift. 

You always liked to think that Family Video was sponsoring your bi-monthly movie nights with Steve and Robin. The Harrington household was always the meeting spot, as he was the only one who had a tv and VCR in his room. Well, you did as well now after Keith had tossed out an old player, saying it was broken. You’d brought it home to tinker with and found that some kid had stuck gum in the tape slot. It had taken you a week to clean and another month to figure out how to hook everything back up, but it was yours. Steve still had the nicer home and tv though, and more importantly his parents bought brand name snacks. 

The three of you were in Steve’s living room, the movie playing on the screen long forgotten as the three of you caught up with each other. Robin was usually the barometer for if a movie was worth watching, she and Steve might have had very different tastes, but Steve would usually get sucked up into whatever movie she chose. 

“So is his band any good?” Robin asked, dumping a bag of m&ms into her bowl of popcorn. 

“I think so.” you shrugged, cracking open a drink. “If anything, they’re good enough to be scouted twice.”

“By the same person.” Steve pointed out. “You know, his ex.” 

You had brought the news of Eddie’s meet up with Paige to your friends with mixed results. Robin seemed indifferent, but that’s because most of the time she didn’t have the same interest in talking about boys. Steve, however, seemed less than thrilled about this idea. 

“Yes, Steve, his ex. As in, not together anymore.” you sighed, wishing you felt as confident as you sounded. “Whatever happened between them sounded like it blew up for both of them.”

“But she still wants to have lunch with him!” Steve said. 

“Yes, to talk about the band!” you shot back. “And it’s lunch. Didn’t you tell me that dinner is a date and lunch is just two people hanging out?” 

“Since when does my advice apply to you or Eddie?”

“Since Paige isn’t me or Eddie, so your dating advice might actually apply here.” you snapped and took a breath. “Sorry. This is all new to me. I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to feel right now. It’s like every time things start to go well with me and Eddie, something happens. Paige, Chris, you-”

“Hey-”

“I like him a lot.” You leaned back against the couch, grabbing the popcorn bowl from Robin. “When I’m with him, I get that same feeling that I do when I’m hanging out with you two or when I’m at the show every month. I don’t feel like I’m hiding myself when he’s around.”

“There are other weirdos and freaks around.” Steve pointed out. “If I had known there were that many of you around, I would have agreed to go to the show earlier to help you get phone numbers.” 

“Yeah, but have you seen the way she looks when she’s talking about Eddie?” Robin hopped into the conversation. “I don’t think anyone even existed to her that night.”

It was true, no one other than your friends and (unfortunately) Chris had truly registered to you at the show. Yeah, you’d noticed the few cast members but they weren’t the metal head with the long hair and crop top that had held your hand all night.

“Oh shit, did I tell you guys that we ran into Chris?!” You asked suddenly, changing the subject. 

“Wait, that guy you and Eddie kept talking shit about?” Steve turned to look at you, grabbing a handful of popcorn and getting crumbs on the couch.

“Yeah!” you said. “He actually works for the show now, I guess? He said he’s been there for a while and he’s seen me at the show before. It was so fucking weird.”

“Is that the guy who said you were too normal to play with Hellfire?” Robin asked. 

You nodded. “Yeah, and he ran Hellfire into the ground until Eddie took over. And now he’s doing tech for the show. Also, he was Rocky in the shadow cast.”

“The guy in the metallic shorts?!” Steve gawked. 

“Columbia did say that the cast changed for the night.” Robin said, and you gave her a quizzical look, remembering the lipstick mark you’d seen on her jaw that night. “She came by and talked to us before the show!” 

“She couldn’t resist my charm.” Steve gave you a smile that you were sure worked with someone like Nancy Wheeler, or Tammy Thompson. You just shook your head and laughed. 

“Right, anyway. Chris came and talked to us after the show and he told me auditions are gonna be open for the cast. He gave me his card, and told me that it was invite only.” you explained.

“You’ve been talking about wanting to be part of that since we started working together.” Steve said. 

“Yeah, I guess I get a shot to do something, too.” 

“Chris turned you down for Hellfire, and now is letting you audition?” Robin asked. 

“We aren’t in school anymore.” you pointed out. “I know how it sounds, but none of us are the same people we were back then. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, none of us are.”

“I hate it when you’re right, you know.” 

“I’m just saying that if I can give you the benefit of the doubt and make friends with you then maybe Chris isn’t as big of a prick as he was back then. I might not have even given Eddie a chance, either.” You picked out a few m&ms from the popcorn bucket, getting your fingers covered with butter and colored candy coating. “I mean, at the end of the day, isn't that what this whole deal was about? Shaking off old habits and trying to step outside of contentment?”

“I thought your deal was so that you can stop having Steve check you out every time you wanted to rent porn.” Robin snickered. 

“I thought we were just trying to get dates.” Steve looked confused and you gave him a pat on the head. It always amused you how his hair could spring back into place like that.

“That too.” you said. 

“So, you’re really okay with Eddie going to see his ex?” Steve said, forcing you back into that topic. 

”I’m not thrilled about it.” You finally admitted. “But we only went on one date and this might help his band. Besides, if we start... Whatever this is without some sort of trust then is it even worth starting?”

“So you trust him?” 

“I trust you and Dustin, who vouched for him. He was honest enough to tell me that it’s his ex who wants to talk about his band. What happens next is up to him.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Steve relented and his eyes wandered back to the tv. 

You didn’t, but you were tired of letting other people tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. 

Ever since Benny’s shut down, there wasn’t really any good place to meet up with someone for lunch in town. Every time he had seen Paige before, it had either been at the Hideout, or his van. Neither of which was really a good place to talk about Corroded Coffin. 

It was Paige’s idea to meet at the small hole-in-the-wall pub that was just out of Eddie’s comfort zone in terms of price. Eddie arrived on Saturday afternoon, earlier than he meant to with his nerves. He leaned against the wall outside of the pub, watched the cars go by as he waited for her. 

She didn’t leave him waiting for long, and ten minutes before their agreed upon time, Paige was standing in front of him for the first time in over two years. She hadn’t grown an inch, but her wavy dark hair had, and now barely brushed her shoulders. In the daylight, Eddie could see a faint tint of red that he never noticed before. Other than two or three times, he realized that he and Paige had never spent a lot of time together when the sun was out. Paige’s freckles were as prominent as ever. 

To Eddie’s surprise, she looked happy to see him. 

“Hi, Eddie.” she said, and to his relief she didn’t go in for a hug. 

“Hi, Paige.” He responded and reached over to open the door to the pub for her. 

The two didn’t say anything until they were sitting at a dimly lit booth in the corner, where Paige broke the ice. 

“Before we get into any business talk, I need you to be honest with me.” She started, sitting up straight and looking him in the eyes. “If you care about your future in music, and your band, you need to tell me what happened. Tell me how you ended up in jail two days before the most important moment in either of our careers.” 

Eddie had expected this, and the past week had been spent trying to find a way to spin the story so that he didn’t look like the biggest asshole on the planet. In the end, he decided that he should be honest with her. Paige wanted real, and he would give that to her, tarnish and all.

Someone came by and took their drink orders, giving Eddie a moment to collect his thoughts. 

“I did something stupid.” He started. 

“Obviously.” She gave him a wry smile. 

“Moving to California isn’t cheap.” He watched the tone of his voice, searching for that piece of him that made Hellfire and Corroded Coffin listen to him. Being a dungeon master for so long had given him a way of speaking that could draw someone in when he tried, and right now he knew he needed to try and convince Paige that Corroded Coffin deserved a second chance. “I needed a way to pay for everything that came with moving across country. My dad... he-” Eddie’s voice wavered for a brief moment. “He had an idea to make some quick cash for the two of us. It wasn’t smart, and it really wasn’t legal.”

“Jesus,” Paige sighed, looking at him with a deep frown. “I would have helped you, Eddie. I was already willing to let you live with me for free until we got you set up. I told you that you didn’t have to be alone in this.” 

Asking for and accepting help wasn’t something that Eddie was ever good at. He’d been hyper-independent since he was a child, when his dad would disappear for long stretches of time, even after his mom died. Asking for help after (or especially because) Paige had put in so much money and effort for him already, wasn’t something that he could bring himself to do. 

“I know.” Eddie said. “I had this stupid idea that if I didn’t make the effort on my own, then I didn’t deserve the change. So I did something stupid, really fucking stupid, and it cost me everything.”

“Mark told me that you shot a cop.” Paige said, and before Eddie could speak up, she continued. “I didn’t believe him. When I wired the money, I was able to get an idea of what happened. You saved that guys life.” 

“I couldn’t let him just bleed out on my yard.” Eddie said. “I couldn’t- it wouldn’t be right to run away like that.” 

“You really caused a lot of trouble, you know that?” 

“I know.” Eddie took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I fucked up. I did a lot of stupid shit I shouldn’t have, and I paid the price. It cost me more than just the audition.”

There was a time between getting the news about his audition with WR Records and the heist that Eddie flew. He had everything he had ever wanted; he got the girl, had his dad back, he had a future, which was something he never thought he’d have. For a few beautiful weeks, he had spiraled up, up, and up. 

In the end though, what goes up must come down. Eddie had reached for something that would never be meant for someone with the last name ‘Munson’. He had crashed back down to earth, to the reality of who he was and it had cost him everything. His dad, his childhood house, his audition, Paige, and even Ronnie for a short time. 

For the next two years, Eddie swore to never even think about reaching for the sun again. 

“Thank you for being honest with me.” Paige said. “I still think you’re an asshole.”

“I was an asshole.” He didn’t even try to fight it. “The biggest one in Hawkins.”

Even with her declaration, Paige still had a look on her face that was the ghost of an expression she had in the passenger side of his van on the night that she had given him the news that WR Records had liked him. 

“Things went downhill for me when you bailed on the audition.” Paige said, and Eddie swallowed, his mouth feeling dry. He had never known what had happened with her after their fight over the phone. “I got in a lot of trouble because of you. Davey doesn’t like anyone, but he liked you. When I couldn’t get you out there, it really screwed up any trust I had with my job.”

She stopped talking for a moment as a waiter came by and dropped off their food. Eddie couldn’t bring himself to touch the overpriced sandwich in front of him yet. His mouth felt dry and he reached for his water instead. 

“I was stuck in a dead end job, where any talent I tried to bring to the label was shot down without being given a chance. I was being paid to do nothing, except babysit the studio and paperwork.  I got demoted, and I was already at the bottom of the totem pole.” Paige never looked away from Eddie, her gaze unflinching and sharp. “I stopped liking music.”

Guilt washed over Eddie, and there was something in him that screamed at him to run away to avoid this. Being the reason someone stopped liking music? He knew he’d fucked up but that... that was something deeper than just missing an audition. 

“They didn’t have the means to really fire me, I hadn’t done anything wrong.” she continued. “They moved me to a smaller label under the WR name. That label was where acts they had given up on went to die.”

“Which label?” Eddie managed to ask, despite how dry his mouth felt. Even the water wasn’t helping. 

“Left Turn Media.” Paige said. 

During those weeks when things had been good between the two of them, Paige had mentioned the label once or twice. It was considered a death sentence to be put on that label, and working for them was WR’s way to get people to quit without firing them. The two had listened to a few cassettes from the label. The bands weren’t bad, and that was what stuck out to Eddie. The music wasn’t bad, but it was clear that the production was lacking and half-assed. Paige said that the music would be sent out to small radio stations to be played in the middle of the night. 

“Shit.” Eddie said. 

“Yeah, shit.” Paige let out a laugh. “But if there’s one thing I am, it’s stubborn. I threw myself into my work. I’ve been spending the last two years breaking down and completely reassembling Left Turn, and now I’m in charge of it.”

“You.” His eyes went wide as he stared at her. “You’re in charge of Left Turn Media.”

“It’s amazing what you can do when you’re pissed and have something to prove.” Paige shrugged. “I had a lot of time to think about my relationship with music in the last few years. I realized if I wanted to bring something real to the music scene of L.A. I was going to have to do it myself.”

Her dark lips curled up into a smile. “I should almost thank you for fucking up. Because you bailed, I was put in charge of a sinking ship. I patched it up with my own time and money and now Left Turn has become the label for all misfit bands who don’t fit any shiny polished label. I proved to myself and everyone around me that I belong in this industry.”

“I-” Eddie wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond to that. “You’re welcome...?”

“We’re expanding the label outside of California.” She continued. “I’m in charge so I’m trying to bring good music to my hometown. It’s still not the biggest label, and we can’t offer half of what the bigger labels would, but it’s something.”

“And what are you offering?” Eddie felt dizzy, the more she talked. His words were careful, as if asking the wrong question could end in another blow up between the two of them. 

“What I’m offering is another chance for Corroded Coffin to be signed.” Paige’s arms crossed over her chest. “Left Turn is still finding its footing outside of L.A., so we’re flexible. I’m here to work with local radio and college stations around Indiana to get them to play the few bands we’ve signed so far. Who we have are okay, but they aren’t...”

“Real?” 

“Eddie you have something, as much as I never wanted to admit it again after what happened between us. There’s something about the way that you play that I haven’t been able to find since. I could do this without you, but I think that this is the real sink or swim moment. WR Records goes on with or without you, but I think what you have is what could turn Left Turn around.” Page took a deep breath. “If Corroded Coffin wants another shot, this would be it. If you still have that do-or-die energy when you play, I could offer you a real deal to put together an album. I could get you on the radio.”

Eddie listened to her words, taking in what she was offering. Yes, it wouldn’t be the easy street that WR would have been able to offer, but it would be something. And this time, it wouldn’t just be him auditioning, but Corroded Coffin was wanted this time. 

“You’re serious.” Eddie said, his heart rate picking up. 

“As serious as shooting a cop.” 

“Jesus.” Eddie couldn’t stop himself from letting out a laugh. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up his fringe as he replayed everything that Paige had just told him in his mind. She wanted him to audition again. This was a chance that he wasn’t sure could be passed up. 

“Some of the band is still in high school.” He said, feeling reality settle like a stone in his stomach. He didn’t mention that his name was on that roster. 

“Like I said, we’re flexible.” Paige said. “I still need you all to audition again, and even then it’s going to take me a few months to set anything up here for the band. I want you all to audition with me and a few others from the label before the end of the year. If everything goes according to plan, Left Turn might have the recording studio ready by next June.” 

“You’re setting up your own recording studio?” Eddie perked up, the anxiety and guilt that he had originally felt was now shifting into something new. He found himself relaxing enough to eat his overpriced sandwich. 

“Yes. We need something that’s a step above Live Mike Studios in Lafayette. We have the building picked out and are already gutting it for Left Turn.” 

“You’ve really thought of everything, haven’t you?” Eddie smiled at her. 

“I have.” Paige agreed. “But I learned not to put all my eggs into one basket. This industry has taught me to have a plan A, B C, and D.” She let out a long sigh. “I made it to plan L before and I would prefer not to do that again.” 

“What was plan L?” 

“If I go into the whole story, I’ll need a strong drink. It involved a guitar player with his head up his ass thinking he was going to be the next Gene Simmons.” Paige groaned. 

“Gene Simmons doesn’t play guitar.” Eddie pointed out. Paige gave him a thousand yard stare, which said everything he needed to know. “Ok. Gotcha.” 

“I’m hoping to get everything set up with minimal surprises.” She concluded. “Get with your band. I’m going to be in town for the rest of the year setting things up.”

Eddie nodded. “So... why Indiana?” he asked. “You were in California. Why come back here to set this up?”

“Like I said, I want to bring good music to my hometown. Once everything’s done, I’ll be able to move back and forth from California to here.”

“And Corroded Coffin?”

“Will stay in Indiana.” She said firmly. “I can’t turn you into the Rock Hero you could have been two years ago, but I can try and make you a Hometown Hero.”

Another story. Paige had always been good at spinning stories. Once upon a time, Eddie had been a barback turned frontman turned Rock Hero. Now he’d be barback turned frontman turned Hometown Hero. That part felt less believable than before. 

That’s how Paige saw him, but how did he see himself? Barback turned front man turned drug thief turned drug dealer turned uber senior? None of that was a story worth selling. And what about the rest of his band? Would Gareth, Jeff, or Zack want to be part of this? Ronnie hadn’t, she just wanted to play just to play. Jeff had been excited about this when the opportunity was first presented, but would he still want the chance? Gareth was the youngest and still had over a year of school left. 

One thing at a time. 

“I’ll talk to the guys next practice.” Eddie said. 

“Good. Are you still playing at the Hideout?” Paige asked. 

Eddie froze for a second, as he imagined Paige and you in the same space to watch him play. He imagined your excited face, and the way you would cheer for them after every song, the excitement that radiated off of you after every set. Even earlier this week, when you’d dropped by to watch them, knowing that Eddie was going to see Paige, you’d still shown the same enthusiasm as before. 

He’d thrown you another pick. You’d handed it back to him at the end of the night, telling him that he could toss it at you again next week. 

“You look like someone who loses your picks the second they are out of your sight.”

You’d been right. The only one he could consistently find was the one he’d turned into a necklace. His dad’s picks had been packed away, shoved under his bed where he wouldn’t see them. Eddie didn’t use those picks anymore. 

A few weeks ago, he couldn’t stop comparing you to Paige, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about how different you two were. 

“Yeah, we play on Tuesdays now.” Eddie said. “People stopped complaining enough that Bev decided to give us a steady slot.”

“Good to know.” Paige said. She wasn’t confirming or denying if she’d show up, but that look in her eyes said that he could expect to see her again soon. 

After all, The Hideout was the only place in twenty miles of Hawkins that offered any live music. 

For the rest of the meal, the two caught up with each other. It didn’t feel as weird as Eddie would have expected, but it was nice. He let Paige do most of the talking, letting her tell him about her work in the industry, he didn’t need her knowing more than she needed to if he wanted to have this shot. Would she want to sign a bunch of high schoolers? He hadn’t even told Paige the first time that he had dropped out when Higgins blackmailed him. 

That was alright for now though. Paige talking meant that he didn’t have to and he added to the conversation by asking plenty of questions about her work. Hearing about the music industry from her end was something that he had a genuine interest in, anyway. 

Paige told him about how she had been given a copy of Iron’s Maiden’s Live After Death by Davey. She was even willing to make Eddie a copy of it. It wasn’t the video, but he wasn’t about to turn down audio of one of his favorite bands that wasn’t even released in the US. 

When the check came, Paige didn’t even blink as she paid the tab and the two of them made their way outside again. It was still pretty early in the afternoon, and the chill of the late autumn air contrasted the bright blue sky.

Trying to still be somewhat of a gentleman, Eddie walked Paige to her car as she recounted the tale of how she had been on the flight from Indianapolis to Los Angeles where Izzy Stradlin had been arrested for pissing in front of everyone.

Paige stopped with her hand on the door to her car before turning around to face Eddie before getting in. 

“I don’t hate you, you know.” she said. “I was mad for a really long time at what you did. But I don’t think you’re a bad guy, Eddie.”

Eddie didn’t feel like he deserved the forgiveness she was offering him. Being told that he was anything other than some satanic cult leader or freak wasn’t something he’d ever get used to.  

“Paige I...” He wasn’t sure what to say. 

She had that look in her eyes, the same look she’d had after she’d given him the news about his original audition. What are you waiting for? Paige was moving closer, freckles like constellations on her skin and the moon in her eyes eclipsed by her eyelids. 

Eddie's hand fell on Paige’s shoulder before her lips could get any closer to his. “I can’t.” he said. 

Her face went through a few emotions. Surprise, disappointment, and settling on embarrassment. 

“Shit. Sorry.” Paige said, shaking her head. 

“No it’s.. It’s fine.” Eddie said, and he could have sworn that Paige looked just as confused as he did. “I don’t think it’s a great idea to do.... That.” 

Eddie hadn’t once entertained the idea of Paige and him together again. It didn’t feel right. He wouldn’t lie and say that he didn’t find her attractive, but it wasn’t the same feeling he got that first night in the Hideout. As a teen, he’d been thrilled that a pretty girl was paying any attention to him at all, and was willing to do anything and be anything she wanted. 

Any relationship with Paige was business, plain and simple. She wanted a Rock Hero to help her get up the ladder, Eddie wanted to make it with his band. Sex had just been a bonus in their past relationship. Paige knew her stuff with music and the industry, but she didn’t rant about Ozzy and his bats, or have a real interest in D&D or put herself out there the same way that you- 

“I’m seeing someone.” He blurted out before Paige could say anything else. 

Paige looked surprised for a moment and shook her head and laughed. “Right. That... I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I did that.” she admitted. “I guess I got swept up in this stupid fantasy about being a power couple. We’re a bad idea.” 

“I’m sorry.” Eddie said, not sure what else could be said in this situation. 

“Don’t be. You’re right, ‘us’ is a bad idea.” she ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s a good thing my offer isn’t dependent on if we’re sleeping together or not.”

“I know you bought me lunch, are giving my band a second chance, and forgave me for one of the biggest fuck ups of my life, but I don’t put out that easy.” Eddie smiled at her, trying to lighten the mood.

Paige offered her hand and Eddie took it. “Business only then.” she said. “Talk to your band and call me to set up the audition.” 

Eddie watched Paige’s car drive off, and suddenly felt a lot lighter. He blasted his music and drove home, nearly laughing like a maniac. Today had been a wild roller coaster of emotions, and he couldn’t wait until the next band practice to bring the news to his band. 

At home, he grabbed his guitar and immediately began sorting through Corroded Coffin’s small pile of original songs, and the covers that they were able to perform the best. Eddie was off, lost in his own world as he wrote, re-wrote, and re-worked the set list. 

What would you think? Would you be excited for him? If this worked, he was going to make sure to get you concert tickets. Okay, he was getting ahead of himself. Maybe you could at least come for the audition as moral support. His band liked you, so maybe they wouldn’t mind. 

Eddie didn’t come back down to Earth until the phone rang that evening after Wayne went to work. He almost missed the call because of how deep he was into perfecting the riff that had eluded him for the past few months, determined now more than ever to get it down. 

He reached the phone on the last possible ring. “Hello?”

“Hey... Eddie?” Your voice cracked over the phone, and that feeling of excitement came crashing down. “Sorry I... Can you come pick me up? I’m at home.” 

You were crying. He could hear it in the way your voice strained and cracked. He was already reaching for his keys. 

“I’ll be right there.”  

a/n: As I stated before, I do like to try and keep everything as time accurate as possible. However things happen, and sometimes things are too good not to use. The Izzy Stradlin incident did not happen until 1989, but the fact that it was on a flight from Indianapolis to LA was too good to pass up. I also would like to notate that I did make a mistake when it came to the Ozzy Bat Incident. It was not a 17 year old girl, it was a 17 year old boy and the bat was already dead. Chalk that inaccuracy up to the tabloids of the time, and the lack of Google. No, this will not be addressed in the future of the fic unless it’s funny. 

Dividers By: @strangergraphics

Tag List @k8loo @terrormonster55 @sp1dyb0y1008 @crocwork-clockodile @ali-r3n @mxcheese @josephquinnschesthair @gagasbee @peaches-roses-sins @witchwolflea @vintagehellfire @royale1803 @cumslutforaemond @prestinalove @browneyedgirly93 @perpetualmess @thebook-hobbit @cultish-corner @grishaversecaptivated @sortagaysortahigh @halialex1119 @siriuslysmoking @huffledor-able541 @pookiesnatcher @eddiesguitarskills @browneyes-8288 @sheneedsrocknroll92

[white-cat-of-doom]

Another White Cat Giveaway!

In honour of me hitting 500 followers here earlier this month and opening night in Shizuoka today, and after a bit of organization of my merchandise ‘archives’ once more, I have some 'Secret' Charms to give away, along with my signature extra, a sealed highlights CD from the 2019 movie!

The winner will get three (3) charms picked at random from a blind bag of my extras, which include:

Carbucketty

Cassandra

Gilbert

Growltiger

Jellylorum (you know you want her)

Mungojerrie

Old Deuteronomy

Victoria

All of them are brand new with the folding card-backed display, and were only opened to determine which character they were. See photos of them below, along with what a typical full presentation looks like in the form of Victoria.

RULES (Please read these carefully and follow them):

1. Entries will open today and will close end of day (EST) July 24th - in one week. You can enter at any time between now and then, but anything after than date will not be counted.

2. Please only ONE entry per person. When you reblog THIS post, you will be assigned a random number, and the receiver will be picked by a random generator to make it fair for everyone. Likes do not count as entries. Multiple reblogs will result in disqualification. I want everything to be as fair as possible!

3. It will be free shipping within North America to receive your prize. This giveaway is open to individuals overseas as well, but I may ask for half of any shipping charges, as they can get expensive. This is especially true if you want to ensure delivery! Tracking is not cheap unfortunately and worldwide mail delivery can be very slow if not sent by air. Any import fees are not controlled by me, so please keep that in mind, even if marked as a gift.

4. You must be comfortable with providing me with shipping information. Rest assured you will be providing me this information in confidence and I will not share it with anyone. If you are not comfortable sharing this information, please do not enter as I will not be able to send it to you.

A winner will be selected on the morning of July 25th, and they will receive a message indicating that The Everlasting Cat blessed them with a prize. It will be publicly announced as well. I will ship them out to you within one or two days and will give an update once that happens.

I have been selling items online for more than nine years now, and I do my absolute best to have my packages arrive safely. While I would feel terrible if the package becomes lost, without tracking I cannot do anything except say sorry.

Good luck to everyone who enters!

[mirisss]

Fated To Feel

Part 1, Part 3

Enhypen OT7 x afab! reader

Wordcount ≈ 4k. 

Warnings: talk of depression, angst, manipulation, cheating, slight sexual innuendo, sleep deprivation, panic attack, I think that’s it, let me know if I’ve missed anything. 

Summary: After (Y/n) moved away her soulmate marks began fading while Enhypen was being punished for their actions by experiencing constant itchiness from their marks. Will (Y/n) find someone else? Will Enhypen realize their mistake? Can they be reunited? And most importantly, can (Y/n) forgive Enhypen for everything they said and did? 

Because of popular demand, here is part 2 of Fated No More. Thank you for all the support on part 1, I hope you will like this one too. Fated No More is one of my personal favorites so I’m very happy to see so much positive response to the story. 

I jump around a bit in the timeline so it might be a little confusing but I hope it makes sense. 

There will be a third part as well, but I felt like this was getting quite long so I decided to split it up. So this turned into a mini-series, hope you like it!  

Perhaps fate was punishing them for the way they acted toward (Y/n), the truth might never be known, but the thing that is certain is that they are fated no more.

Third Person POV

As Enhypen left (Y/n) in the HYBE building they didn’t care about the possible consequences that would follow as they all were too in love with (name). As they arrived home, they told (name) of what had happened and that (Y/n) said she would leave them alone from now on. (name) was very satisfied with this, she knew Enhypen wouldn’t leave her now that they had rejected their true soulmate. (name) had found her true soulmate not too long after Jake mistook her for their soulmate, at first she was going to leave them but then she realized that if she stayed with Enhypen she could get money from them and she wouldn’t have to work. And with their packed schedule, she could spend plenty of time with her true soulmate while the boys were working. Her true soulmate agreed to the plan as they figured some extra easy money wouldn’t hurt. (name) always feared that the boys would leave her if they found their true soulmate but now she had proof that they wouldn’t, that they couldn’t. All she had to do now was make sure they didn’t find out about her true soulmate whom she said she had rejected for them.

It was a shortlived victory though, as only a month after rejecting (Y/n), Sunghoon had left their practice earlier than planned due to feeling a bit unwell, and as he came home, he was expecting to find (name) in front of the TV watching the drama she was currently obsessed with, only to find her in bed with another man. (name) was freaking out and didn’t know how to handle the situation, screaming at her soulmate to get out. Sunghoon quickly called the others telling them they needed to come home ASAP. (name) told them parts of the truth, leaving out the bits of her only really being with them for the money. All of the boys told her to pack her things and leave. They couldn’t believe that she would hurt them like that. Soon Enhypen found themselves thinking over everything that happened and they began mourning the loss of (Y/n). Their true soulmate.

“We really hurt her, what we did was worse than what (name) did to us,” Jay said as they all sat on the floor with tears running down their cheeks. The more they thought of (Y/n) the more their soulmate marks itched and burned. “We were idiots, it was obvious (name) was only using us. She never struggled being away from us even when we had to go overseas without her. Even if she wasn’t our soulmate she should have hurt a little if she truly loved us,” Jungwon said before he tried wiping away his tears. “Do you think we can get (Y/n) back?” “I don’t know Riki, She left HYBE and we don’t have any way of contacting her,” Sunoo answered. “Not to even mention the low possibility of her forgiving us for everything we said and did,” Heesung added. “Please Fate, give us a second chance, so we can at least apologize to (Y/n),” Jake said, soon after the seven boys got up from the floor and began cleaning their entire apartment. Throwing away anything that reminded them of (name), once they were done they realized that half the things they owned reminded them of her so they disregarded it all. They made a promise to themselves and to fate that if they got the chance to see (Y/n) again, they would apologize and do everything they could to make it up to her, even if that meant spending the rest of their lives saying sorry. 

* Time skip * 

(Y/n)’s POV

It’s been two years since I left South Korea and left my soulmates behind. Every once in a while I stand in front of my mirror searching for the marks, hoping to find a new one, praying that fate had blessed me with a second chance soulmate. When I do this I only ever feel a stabbing pain in my heart, reminding me of everything Enhypen said to me. Their words tainted my world into a darkness I can’t even describe. I began believing that they had done the right thing, that I wasn’t worthy of being loved. Moa however reminded me constantly that I was worthy of love and that it was the boys who weren’t because of what they had done. I often wondered if everything would have been different had I met them first. Was that the only reason they chose her, (name), over me? Would they have loved me if she had never met them? Or were they just incapable of loving me?

“(Y/n)? Hello? Earth to (Y/n)?” “Huh? Oh, sorry, Moa, what’s up?” “You’re thinking of them again, aren’t you?” I let out a sigh before covering my face with one of my hands. “Yeah, I try not to but every once in a while, my mind wanders back to them,” “I get it, or, I don’t, but I know that I think of my soulmate so many times each day it’s normal to do so, even more so for you because of what happened,” “I know, I just keep wondering over what would have happened had I met them before (name),” “Things would probably be very different but we will never know because this is the reality we live in, I know it hurts, but maybe you can find someone who has lost their soulmate and find love with that person,” “Yeah, maybe, I don’t know, let’s talk about something else, I’m already depressed don’t need to make it worse,” “Mm, right, that’s why I originally came in here, we’ve been invited to Jaehyun’s wedding!” “No way, Jaehyun’s getting married?” “Yeah, can you believe that he’s getting married before me? He used to be such a douchebag, and now he’s like everyone’s dream guy,” “I guess he grew up, maybe pouring that smoothie over his head when he insulted you helped him realize that he should change,” “Ooh, I remember when you did that, he was so angry with you first but then he was following you like a lost puppy, being all ‘(Y/n), my sweetie,’ he totally fell in love with you,” “I guess he did. When’s the wedding? And where?” “It’s in six months, and it’s in Seoul. Do you feel okay with going? If not, we’ll just send him a really good gift,” “No, let’s go. I miss Seoul, we have so many friends there and I don’t want to let Enhypen keep me away from them,” “You go girl! YES! I’ll respond right away that we’re coming! Jae’s going to be so happy!” “Are you bringing Kyle too?” “Of course, I’m bringing Kyle, I have to show him off haha,” “Okay, if you respond to the invite I’ll look up a good hotel we can stay in and book two rooms, one for me and one for you and your lovely soulmate,” “Cheer up, (Y/n)! Who knows? Maybe you’ll find someone at the wedding!” “Yeah, maybe,” I gave Moa a small smile, the slight burn in my heart spiking up at the thought of love.

Sometimes living with Moa and her soulmate Kyle was difficult as I knew I could never have what they have. I remember the fight Moa had with Kyle when they first met and he didn’t understand why I had to live with Moa, thus meaning, he now had to live with me. Moa said that either he accepts it or he can walk away because I mean so much more to her than he ever could. I told Moa that she didn’t have to do that and that I would be fine moving to an apartment close by, but Moa didn’t want that, worried I would fall deeper into my depression if she wasn’t by my side. Now months later, Kyle and I are good friends and he understands the situation after hearing what happened to me. Seeing the way they act around each other and hearing them talk of one another, hurts because I wish I could experience that, but I know I never can, not truly, even if I would find someone some time. Of course, I’m so happy Moa found her soulmate and that he treats her well, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit jealous. I took a deep breath and went to my computer to find a good hotel, you can never book those things too early. Especially knowing Jaehyun, the dude knows everyone and their grandma so the hotels are about to be overbooked. I was really looking forward to seeing Jaehyun again, after the smoothie incident we became really good friends (even if he had feelings for me) and we stayed friends through everything. I never told him who my soulmates were, all I said was that it didn’t work out and fate or destiny made a mistake. He was sad to see Moa and I move away but we kept in contact and he was very supportive of our choice. I decided to send him a text even if Moa answered the invites, I wanted to assure him that I would come and it wasn’t Moa giving him false hope. *Hey Jae, it’s been a while. Congratulations on the engagement! Of course, I am coming, how could I not? I just might have to throw another smoothie at you if you don’t behave. Looking forward to seeing you,* In his response he let me know how happy he was that I would come and so was his soulmate. I took another deep breath, let’s go back to Seoul where my whole world collapsed 2 years ago. 

Third Person POV (same time as (Y/n) received the wedding invite)

After coming home from a concert, the Enhypen boys were met with seven cute envelopes in their mailbox. They opened them to find invites to their good friend Jaehyun’s wedding. “Wah! Jaehyun is getting married! That’s crazy!” “We have to go! It’s in six months so if we tell our manager tomorrow we can make sure our schedule stays free for that day,” “It’s going to be so much fun!” The seven boys were ecstatic and couldn’t wait as they hadn’t seen their friend in a while. No one said it, but they all thought the same thing: This could have been us and (Y/n) if only we hadn’t messed up. They still lived with the constant itchiness of their soulmate marks and every once in a while, their marks would burn, a reminder of their actions. Sometimes they wondered if (Y/n) also lived with this discomfort or if it truly was a punishment that only affected them. They hoped (Y/n) didn’t have to go through it as they felt they had hurt her enough as it was. 

* 6 months later, the day before the wedding *

(Y/n)’s POV

Moa, Kyle, and I had been flying for a couple of hours but we finally arrived in South Korea. My back felt quite sore from the flight and I was very tired so I couldn’t wait to get to the hotel and just lay down in bed and sleep. “WAHH! We’re finally back!” Moa was loud and cheery as ever, I swear, the girl can’t be sad. “Come on, let’s get a taxi to the hotel. I’m dying to get some sleep,” Moa just smiled and nodded, Kyle offered to carry my bag for me saying ‘You look like you’re gonna lay down on the floor and sleep here if we don’t get going,’ I mean I definitely look like a zombie, the last few days have been nerve-wrecking as I was a bit anxious of going back here so I haven’t gotten that much sleep. Finally, we arrived at the hotel, not a second too early. We checked in and got our separate rooms, a smaller one for me and a larger one for the couple. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, good night,” “Night night, (Y/n)! Don’t forget, breakfast at 8 tomorrow, we have to leave at 2 pm to get to the ceremony in time,” “I won’t, night night,” I went inside, changed into my pajamas, and then laid down in the bed, I remember setting an alarm on my phone but after that, I was out like a light. 

Third Person POV

The Enhypen members didn’t have to stay at a hotel as the wedding was held close enough for them to just head to their apartment once the wedding and party were over. The morning of the wedding, they all woke up and began preparing everything they needed. They were meeting up with Jaehyun a little earlier than most guests as Jaehyun had asked them to sing a song or two so they were heading over for a soundcheck and to check when they were supposed to sing. “Jaehyun! My man! Congratulations!” “Heesung! Guys! Nice to see you, it’s been too long since last,” The friends caught up a little for a while but at the same time helped Jaehyun around the venue. Jaehyun was a bit nervous but Enhypen assured him that Yujin wouldn’t get cold feet. “Thank you guys for doing this! Yujin is such a fan, she’s going to freak out seeing you here and then you sing a song I wrote for her,” “No worries man, the song you wrote is so good. It’s an honor being allowed to sing it,” And so they continued with the preparations before Enhypen headed into a room where they could change clothes and get ready before the rest of the guests arrived. 

(Y/n)’s POV

I woke up in time, changed into some comfortable clothes, and went outside my room to meet up with Moa and Kyle, once we located one another we went down to eat breakfast. Once we had finished eating we went back to our separate rooms to shower and get ready for the wedding, Kyle called and booked a taxi for us that would arrive at 1.45 pm. The dress I had chosen was a beautiful (insert color of choice) long sleeve, it was the type of dress I had dreamt of wearing to a homecoming or something like this as a child. I almost dared say I felt like a Dinsey princess in it. I fixed my hair and did some makeup. I hadn’t shown Moa my dress because I wanted it to be a surprise, I knew she would be proud of me for slowly going back to the me I was before the rejection. We decided to meet down by the taxi so when the time came I went down to the entrance and saw that Moa and Kyle had made it out before me. When Moa turned to the doors of the hotel and saw me, her jaw dropped before she quite literally shook with how happy she was and how much she was squealing. “(Y/n)! OMG, YOU LOOK SO GOOD I THINK I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!” “Thanks, Moa, you look really beautiful, That pink looks so good on you, oh, and on you too Kyle,” “Thank you, you look really good (Y/n), mostly because you’re finally smiling,” I hadn’t realized how much I was genuinely smiling until Kyle pointed it out to me. “Thanks,” And then we got in the taxi, heading over to the wedding venue. 

About an hour later we arrived at the wedding which was beautifully decorated even on the outside. This definitely fits the theme of the invite. Because of the long sleeves on my dress, I didn’t notice my soulmate marks slightly becoming more visible once again, alerting me of my soulmates’ presences. We walked inside and were greeted by flowers and a large room packed with people. I couldn’t even guess how many people were attending but from how packed the room was I guess closer to 300 or perhaps even more. I wasn’t kidding when I said that Jaehyun knows everyone and their grandma. While we had a little look around we ended up running into Jaehyun who enveloped all three of us in a hug expressing his happiness over us attending, The meeting was short-lived though as he had to rush to look at the final details. After a couple of minutes, we found three seats beside each other on the groom’s side of the venue and sat down, waiting for the ceremony to begin.

All too soon the beautiful ceremony itself was over and it was time to begin the festive part of it with dinner and dancing all through the night. As the first dance was to begin, Jaehyun took a microphone and turned toward his bride, explaining that he had prepared a very special surprise just for her. He had written a song for her and some good friends of his would sing it while Jaehyun and Yujin shared their first dance. Everyone cheered as the lights were turned off, some footsteps and some clothes ruffling was all that was heard before the lights turned on. In the spotlight in the middle of the dance floor were Jaehyun and Yujin, they looked so beautiful. A slow but powerful ballad began playing as the couple began dancing, the voices singing were very beautiful, and they seemed almost familiar. The couple dancing was so beautiful together that I couldn’t move my eyes from them, the love between them was overflowing in the venue. The song that Jaehyun had written brought tears to my eyes as it described the fairy tale love he had found with Yujin. The song soon ended and everyone clapped as the couple kissed, shortly after the lights were turned back on and my eyes traveled around the venue searching for the owners of the voices that had just sung the love song. The second my eyes found the seven boys holding a mic each, my heart stopped beating, and my breath seemed to be caught in my throat.

Enhypen. No, this couldn’t be happening. Why were they here? I thought I was hallucinating so I looked down at my hands, pulling up the sleeves of my dress to reveal the initials P.J. and S.J. slowly becoming stronger and also more and more of a vibrant golden glow. Moa who had been standing beside must have seen and heard my reaction as I heard her gasp in surprise before she hugged me. “It’s okay, they probably haven’t seen you. Do you want to leave? We can go right now if you want to,” “I can’t breathe,” I felt like my chest was closing up. My whole body was trembling, my knees were getting weak. I was about to have a panic attack, that would surely just attract attention toward us. “Kyle, help me get her out of here now. Fast but without anyone noticing,” Kyle didn’t question it, instead he put an arm around me and began walking with me toward the doors. A few people asked us if we were okay, I tried to find my voice to say something but I couldn’t, fortunately, Kyle answered that I had eaten a little too much and needed some fresh air. With that, everyone moved out of our way. I was praying, hoping, that Enhypen hadn’t seen me nor felt me being there. If they had, they would probably scream at me again, thinking I was stalking them or something. How could I know that we had common friends? As soon as we got outside I managed to take a deep breath, my body was still trembling badly and my breathing was irregular but at least better than what it was inside the venue. “I’ll call a taxi, don’t worry, everything is okay,” “(Y/n), wait,” 

Third person POV

As Jaeyun took the microphone to tell Yujin about the song he had written, the Enhypen members slowly got up from their table and picked up their mics. As the lights were shut off, they walked over to their position. They gave it their all, singing as if the words of the song would somehow reach (Y/n). They imagined (Y/n) standing in front of them, hearing them singing the heartfelt words as an apology to her. They were all wearing suits so their soulmate marks were all covered, so they, just like (Y/n), hadn’t noticed the glowing initials either. Once the song was over and the lights were turned back on, Sunoo had an inkling feeling to look up and toward the left, as he did, he felt his heartbeat picking up, without even seeing her face he knew it was (Y/n). He noticed that she seemed to feel sick and that an unknown man was wrapping his arm around her, leading her away. “Guys, (Y/n) is here, but she’s leaving,” The others looked up and frantically looked around, searching for the girl. “Come on, we have to go after her, This might be our only chance to apologize,” Sunghoon said and the others agreed, and so they hurried to get out of the venue. A lot of people were hindering them as they wanted to speak to the singers but Enhypen only said that they unfortunately didn’t have the time to speak right now. They rushed out of the doors to find the unknown man embracing (Y/n) in a hug. Their hearts sank. Had she found someone else?

“(Y/n)! Wait!” Niki couldn’t help but shout out, hoping the girl wouldn’t leave without speaking to them. (Y/n) looked toward them after Niki’s exclamation, taking note of them being alone, (name) wasn’t with them. Perhaps, she was still inside. “(Y/n), do you want us to go further away?” Kyle asked, (Y/n) was frozen. She looked at Enhypen, their faces were filled with regret and sadness, they looked very different from how they looked the last time she saw them. They looked softer now, perhaps because now their eyes weren’t filled with disgust as they looked at her. “(Y/n)?” Kyle tried again, but yet again, he was left without a response. “(Y/n), please, can we talk?” Jay tried asking, hoping she would say yes. 

~ To be continued ~

Please reblog!

[echobx]

Twin Flame 6 - pervy!bsf!JJ Maybank × pervy!bsf!fem!reader

summary: y/n pushes JJ away because she thinks she doesn't deserve him

word count: 1.9k

warnings: angst, broken hearts (idk what else to tag, sorry)

author's note: couldn't not do the third act break up bc it just fits too well with them. sorry, not sorry.

series masterlist ♡ part 1 ♡ part 2 ♡ part 3 ♡ part 4 ♡ part 5

   It's a simple trick when you run your fingertips over the inside of JJ’s arm, slowly trailing down and intertwining your fingers with his. Nothing special for how close you are- That would be the case if it wasn't you who had initiated it. It would be true if it hadn't happened in front of your friends. And when you turn your head and gaze up at him, he's already looking at you. 

   JJ hadn't expected it. Yes, you had gotten more and more open towards these very small things that you had despised just a few months earlier, but you still weren't ready to talk about it. So, it came as a surprise to him when you had done it. Holding hands in front of your friends. That was a whole new playing field that he had never explored before. 

   “Do you want to go get a drink with me?” you asked sweetly, and he nodded, incapable of saying anything that wouldn't reveal himself. You held onto his hand until the both of you reached the keg, letting go for just enough time so he could fill up two cups and then holding onto him again. 

   “This is new,” Pope pointed out as you sat back down, and you tilted your head to the side, letting go off JJ as casually as you thought possible.

   “What is?”

   “You never hold hands. You didn't even hold hands with what's-his-name, and he was your boyfriend,” Pope seemed confused by it, and so did the rest as soon as he had pointed it out. 

   “I just didn't want to get lost in the crowd,” you shrugged, and they let it go, a good enough explanation for something so “simple and meaningless.” 

   Later that night, you found yourself sitting in a circle, playing stupid party games with Tourons. When one of the girls, the one who had so conveniently found her place next to JJ, suggested a game of Suck and Blow, you could only roll your eyes. It was a stupid game that children played, unkissed pre-teens. It wasn't really something you considered appropriate for a group of people who would leave for college soon. But the game started against all your better judgment. 

   The card fell down a few times before it made its way to the girl, and you decided to not look at it, you didn't want to have the picture of her lips pressed against his to be carved in your mind. 

   “What the fuck!” JJ exclaimed and jumped up. 

   “It's a game,” the girl tried to laugh it off, but JJ was furious, looking at you for a second before going back to berating her. 

   “You cheated. I'm not gonna kiss you. Why would I wanna do that with someone who has this little regard for rules.” He shook his head, pulled you up and walked away. 

   The whole scene had confused you, severely so, and not just because it all happened so fast. Firstly, there was the fact that JJ had actually cared enough to not just go with it. He wasn't ready to hurt you, just like he had promised, even for a stupid game that really shouldn't matter. Secondly, because he had used words that he usually didn't. Words you used more than they were necessary, and he would typically make fun of you for speaking too much like the characters in the books you read. But most of all, you were confused by his reasoning. JJ wasn't one to care about rules at all. If he had a single ounce of care for any kind of rule in his body, the both of you would've never gotten in this situation. 

   “I can't do this,” JJ shook his head, putting his hands up and tugging at his roots while avoiding looking at you as the two of you stood beside the Twinkie. 

   “I don't understand,” you said shyly, scared that he would break up with you. If that is even possible, when you were never actually dating. 

   “I can't explain it. It's like, it hurts more each day. And now you wanna hold my hand whenever, and I still don't know if it's real or not,” he cried out, tears brimming in his eyes.

   “I'm sorry,” you apologized quietly, letting yourself slide down the side of the bus until you were sitting in the dirt. 

   “Why can't we just tell them? Why do we need to keep this under lock and key? Huh? Give me one good reason, please,” JJ crouched down in front of you, and you looked away, dipping your head. 

   “What if they don't get it?” 

   “What if they do?” JJ countered while getting back up, and you couldn't argue it too much. 

   “Did you see how weird Pope was earlier? That's why. They won't get it. They’ll groan and cry about ‘what if you break up and destroy the Crew’ because that's what will happen,” you looked up at him as he paced around.

   “So we stop?” he asked, gulping as if it was the hardest decision of his life. “Because I can't do it. I just can't. Not unless you let me prove to you and the world that I don't want anyone but you.” 

   “I'm scared,” you whispered. 

   “That wasn't the question, y/n. I need you to tell me if we can do this together, or not,” he pressured and you shook your head. 

   “You want me to love you, and I don't think I'm capable of that. I don't think I was made to love someone like you deserve it.” Your voice was trembling, your whole body was, and he wasn’t coming closer to help. No, he took a step back bringing more and more distance between the two of you until he had vanished between the trees, leaving you, and suddenly you felt like you were drowning. 

   The silence between the two of you was deafening from that night on. JJ refused to meet your gaze, and you couldn't stop the pain rushing through your body every time you looked at him. And yet you couldn't look away either. You wished his smiles were directed at you, you wished they were genuine and not just his way of hiding from the world. But you didn't know how to apologize for all the pain you had caused him.

   “Okay, seriously, can you stop staring into your glass and talk?” Kiara groaned as the four of you sat in her room. It was supposed to be a girl's night, but all you did was wonder if you couldn't train yourself to love him more. Maybe there was a book that would help. A secret spell that would make you whole. 

   “What?” you asked, and she rolled her eyes. 

   “What happened? You're completely out of it,” Sarah held her hand out for you, and you took it, holding onto her as if she tied you to reality. 

   “It's complicated and a long story. I'm sure it would bore us all,” you nodded and Cleo exhaled a laugh. 

   “I'm sure it won't bore us.” 

   “I will ruin the night,” you whispered, and Kiara groaned loudly. 

   “Seriously, you already were, with the moping and shit. No offense.” 

   It took every ounce of bravery in you to tell them about it, but you knew you had to if you wanted to fix things between JJ and you. 

   “I slept with JJ,” you said, and they gasped, even Cleo pretended for you. 

   “And now he's acting like an ass? I'm gonna kill him,” Kie wanted to jump up, but you held her back. 

   “No, that's not why,” you shook your head and she lifted her brows. “We were doing that for some time, a few months.” 

   “How did we not notice that?” Sarah looked at Kie, but she was still only staring at you like you were crazy. 

   “Are you telling me that every fucking time he mentioned some disgusting shit, that was you?” You nodded at her correct assumption, and Kie shook herself with disgust. “I’m gonna throw up,” she retched. 

   “Why did you never say anything?” Sarah asked softly and you shrugged your shoulders.

   “Because he wants me to love him and I can't. I tried and I can't. And he wants to do all these things couples do. Hold hands and kiss in front of the world and all that bullshit,” you mumbled, your chest growing tighter at the thought of it. Flashes of memories came crashing down on you; his hand on your waist while grocery shopping, his lips so close to your ear while whispering a joke that was only meant for you, his eyes basically undressing you in front of all your friends. 

   “That's why you asked about how it feels?” Sarah asked, and you looked at Cleo, she was staying uncommonly quiet. 

   “What did he say?” she asked, and you looked down, ashamed of what you had done. 

   “That it doesn't matter. That it can work if I let him. But I can't do that. He deserves better than me.”

   “You pushed him away?” 

   “He’s asking for too much,” you argued with her, but you knew they wouldn't get it. 

   “What did he ask for exactly?” Sarah spoke up, and you started picking at your nails. 

   “To be allowed to kiss me in front of you guys, to hold my hand whenever we feel like it, to call me his girlfriend, to be more than what we ever were.” 

   “And how long did you do all of this before he asked for that?” Kie wondered and you sighed. 

   “I don't know, three months?” 

   “I don't see how that's unreasonable,” Sarah shook her head. 

   “Of course you don't, because you are normal. All of you. You just don't get it,” you wanted to get up and leave, but they didn't let you. 

   “Explain it, please. We want to understand and help you,” Kie urged while holding your hand. 

   You sat there for about an hour, trying your best to explain and get them to understand why you didn't understand what they described as love and how it affected your relationship with your best friend. 

   “So you never got those dizzy feelings? Ever?” Sarah asked, and you had to think about it for a few seconds before replying. 

   “One or two times, but not more.” 

   “And when he left you behind? How did you feel then?” 

   “Like someone was stealing my air. Like I would die soon,” you shrugged, and she looked over your head at Kie and Cleo. 

   “Y/n, I know you don't think so, but everything you told us, sounds to us like you do love him. Maybe even more than he will ever understand, especially because you don't understand it. And I'm not saying it's easy, or that you have to get it. But this is just what we think, and if you really want to make up for it, and fix this, you should go tell him all of this,” Sarah spoke softly, as if she was scared that you would snap at her, and when you simply nodded she sighed and leaned back in her seat. 

   “But he hates me, so it's not gonna work anyway,” you said, and Kiara slapped her hand against her forehead. 

   “Jesus fucking Christ, y/n! You broke his stupid heart, of course he didn't want to look at you or talk to you. Now go and fix it,” she yelled at you while getting up and dragging you with her. “Out! And if you come back here before it's fixed, I'm gonna shave your head.” 

   “That's mean,” you pouted. 

   “That's life, sweetheart.”

read part 7 here

please don't copy and/or post my work onto other platforms! ~e©ho

taglist: @redhead1180 @spideysimpossiblegirl @drwstarkeyy @princessmaybank @ijustwantttoread @kys4-20 @immyowndefender @julczimozart @m2m2m2 @mochimms @dorkyfangirl24 @itsme-again @nemesyaaa

[piinfeathers]

the scars we bare

it's a mid-january miracle, i actually wrote something. after threatening to finally start writing captain swan fics, i actually did it. thank you to all my beautiful friends on discord who encouraged me and to @dykelilypage i'm so glad you liked your gift <333 this is chapter 1 of 2, second one should be up tomorrow probably maybe who knows? :)))

summary: emma swan came to the underworld with one purpose; to rescue the man she loved from hades' grip. and she would do anything, sacrifice everything in order to that happen. when hades offers her a deal, a test of their true love, she takes it. in the end though, the bargain might just take more for them than they have to give. S5B canon divergence

tw: minor moments of gore and torture, also pregnancy and child birth

✨ ao3 link ✨

***

Emma had made plenty of bad decisions in her life. Big, catastrophic decisions, she could admit that. If she were to rank them though, willingly letting herself fall under a sleeping curse to rescue the man she loved from hell, probably would have ended up pretty high on the list.

She stared at him, across the wide airy field of middlemist flowers that wasn’t actually there, but felt nearly as real as she remembered, and wondered if he would feel the same.

“Swan.” Her name sounded like a prayer, rasped from his too-dry throat.

She was running then, or maybe she had started running before, she wasn’t sure. Her arms circled him when they met, his own grip nearly crushing as he lifted her off her feet. Frantic kisses and searching hands probed each other as incomplete pleas stuttered out of each of them. 

“You alright?”

“-m fine. You can’t be here-”

“-made a deal. Hades, he had a deal.”

“-have to go back. Please, you have to go back.”

“I can’t.” 

The last two words dropped like a stone between them and Killian jerked back. His face was the same as it had been when she’d last seen him alive. It was no longer the swollen mess of throbbing bruises Hades had left it in, when he’d shown Emma her lover’s broken body that was being torn and burnt and flayed apart until she had screamed to make it stop. Killian’s hand, the fingers still intact and no longer snapped and broken, cupped her face. He was trembling. Or maybe that was her. It was hard to tell at this point.

“Emma,” her name came out as a whisper. “Emma, where are we?”

She smiled as something huge and terrifying in her chest threatened to burst open.

“Somewhere... Somewhere in my mind. I think? Maybe,” she glanced around again, trying to focus. “A memory. He kept saying something about memories. Our memories.”

“Love, you aren’t making any sense.”

She laughed and it sounded like a watery hiccup. “Hades. Hades and I made a deal.”

The hand on her face tensed as she watched his expression grow brittle. “Emma-” his throat bobbed. “Emma. What kind of deal? What did you promise him?”

She held up her right hand, her index finger raised. A small droplet of blood welled up in the sensitive pad of flesh at the tip where she had pricked it only moments earlier.

“Sleeping curse,” she tried to keep her voice calm as she risked another glance at him. His face was ghost white, completely drained of colour. “I think he thought he was being funny. Something about “the old Charming family tradition.””

Killian’s head was shaking, his eyes darting away from her as he scanned the edges of the tree line behind them, looking for a way out. “We have to wake you up. Emma you don’t understand, Hades he-”

She watched his gaze go unfocused, the nerve in his jaw popping.

“Hey,” she said quickly, her hand curling around his neck, pulling him back to her. “He can’t get you, not here. Not unless he feels like breaking our deal.”

His eyes were still nervy, and she could feel his pulse jumping beneath her palm, but he focused on her again. God she had missed him. Missed the way he smelled, the way his scruffed jaw felt when she held it. It suddenly seemed so hysterically unfair that they’d only had a few months together. They deserved a lifetime. 

“This deal,” he rasped after a moment. “Tell me exactly what he asked of you.”

“He wanted…” she trailed off, trying to remember what he had said. “He said he wanted to test us. To see if what we shared was true love or not. That we needed to really see every part of each other before we made our decision.”

Killian was holding very, very still, his expression unreadable. “And for us to do this test, you needed to be cursed, is that right? Am I cursed as well? Is that how I’m standing here with you?” His voice sounded calm, almost reasonable, as if they were discussing the rules to a complicated board game. But Emma could still feel his panic, could see it starting to edge into the corners of his eyes, turning them glassy. Another one of her huge, catastrophically bad decisions alright. 

“No. No you aren’t under a sleeping curse,” she tried to make her voice comforting, but doubted it had much effect. “He said that souls without a living body don’t need curses to be moved to the dream realm, as long as they’re tethered to someone alive they just sort of- “hitch a ride,” or something.”

A smile started to spread across his face, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “So I’m tethered to you then?”

“Seems that way,” she said, her heart feeling like a dead weight in her chest. “I’m not exactly sure about the next parts, he was talking about memory magic, about old wounds needing to be opened up. He said the dream realm made the magic more…” she waved her hand. “Potent or something. Made it easier to find old memories.”

Killian’s hand dropped to her shoulder, his hook resting against her hip. “Why does he want us to explore old memories? Which memories? What does he gain from that?”

“I have no idea, I’m pretty sure he was just talking to hear himself speak at some point.”

“I don’t like this. Hades wouldn’t make a deal unless it was to punish or to trap you here. Emma, please,” his tone was growing frantic and it was making her own nerves start to fray. “Try and remember exactly what he said. Every word. If he’s trapped you here-”

“I don’t remember all the specifics! I was a little distracted watching you get tortured. Hades didn’t exactly have my undivided attention.”

Killian’s eyes shuttered and Emma could feel the slight tremor in his hand as it fell from her shoulder. She wished she hadn’t mentioned the torture. The second she had, she’d seen his face go blank. When this was over, she would kill Hades. She wasn’t sure how exactly, but she would get creative. Somehow she would figure out a way to make the god of death hurt in the same way he had made Killian hurt. 

“Look,” she said, her voice thick. “All you need to know is that he can’t hurt us. I made him swear it. He can’t touch you here, and he can’t kill me. Everything that happens now is up to us.”

He looked up, staring at something far away from them, like he was remembering something he’d rather forget. “And if we fail? What then? Does he get both of us to torture for eternity?”

“We won’t fail,” she told him. They wouldn’t. She couldn’t let that happen. Even if it killed her, she would never let Hades touch Killian Jones again. “I got down here didn’t I? And I found you. The hard part’s already done.”

He huffed out a laugh that sounded wrong to her ears. “Your confidence is admirable, Swan. But you don’t know what Hades is capable of. What he does to you once he has you.”

She could feel him slipping from her, could feel the despair coming off him in waves, and it killed her. “There’s a fail safe,” she told him quickly. “I can call off the deal at any time.” 

He jerked his attention back to her, suddenly alert. 

“But Killian, if I call it off, if I choose to end this, you go right back where I found you. Back to Hades,” she said, a world of meaning in her words. 

“But you’ll be safe?”

She looked at him. She should tell him. Tell him the entire truth. Tell him exactly what she had promised to keep him safe, to bring him back home. What she had signed away. But if she told him, if he knew everything, he would never agree to it. He would refuse and send her back and all this would be for nothing. He would go back to the endless, screaming pain that Hades had cleaved into him until there was nothing of him left. She couldn’t let that happen.

“Yes,” she said. “I’ll be fine. But you won’t. Please Killian. Please just let us try this first. We have to.”

He blew a breath out of his nose, looking down when she grabbed his hand in both of hers and squeezed. “Alright,” he said. “Alright, we'll try.”

She grinned as she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him, holding him. His hand moved up to her hair, cradling her head, his forehead coming to rest against hers. 

“So. How exactly does this trial work? What do we have to do?”

There was a quick burst of magic to the left of them, and a door twisted into existence a few feet away. The carved wood groaned slightly as it seemed to sway towards them, rocking on its frame, before coming to a stop. They both stared at it. 

“Well. Guess that answers that,” she said.

“Indeed,” he sighed, turning back to look at her. She saw a question, huge and all consuming in his stare that went unasked. Right, this was her deal. Her curse. He would follow her lead. Like he always did. Whatever happened, no matter how much it took from her, she would do whatever it took to make sure he got out of this. 

“C’mon,” she nodded towards the door. “Let’s get this over with.”

He grimaced as they walked towards it, reaching down to grip the brass handle and opening it for her. “Any idea what’s awaiting us on the other side?”

She squeezed his hand, raising her brows. “Nope.” 

They walked through. And the ground beneath their feet vanished.

***

She was falling. Her hair was whipping around her head while the wind rushed up and made her eyes water. Images and noise strobed past like flickering television screens as she plummeted down towards a huge, white nothingness. If she focused she thought she could make out faces, blurred and half formed, but they streaked past her, faster than her eyes could follow. She tried to reach out, tried to find something to grab a hold of, something to slow her fall, but it was like falling through light and sound and a great vast emptiness eager to swallow her whole.

Was this it? Was this what Hades had planned all along? No harm to her physical body sure, but trapping them in some fucked liminal space for eternity? Well. That was a different story.

She tried to look up, or whatever passed for up in this space and suddenly felt something grab her arm. Killian, his grip tight on her, was falling beside her. His mouth was open, mouthing something she couldn’t hear over the roar of noise and wind and her own frantic heartbeat. She tried to reach for him, her fingers outstretched-

When everything slammed to a sudden stop.

Her mind lurched, feeling like the contents of a car with its brakes hit too hard. The tunnel of noise, whatever it had been, was gone, and a blindingly blue sky stretched out in front of her. She tried to blink and turn her head, but her body was locked in place, no longer listening to her.

Only…only it wasn’t her body. 

She heard someone call for her, but it wasn’t her name she heard, it was Killian’s. She twisted and when her mouth opened it wasn’t her voice that boomed forth, but a man’s, low and accented, and oh-so familiar to her. 

She’d dealt with memory magic before, had stayed up long, magic-drunk nights as the dark one weaving dream catchers together in order to snare memories. She’d been expecting something closer to that, where memories played like snippets of old tv reruns. This was something completely different. She wasn’t just watching Killian's memories, she was living them. In his head.

“What news do you bring me then?” he called.

He sounded happy, and Emma could feel it then, he was excited about something. Somehow, inside his head, she could feel thoughts, could almost reach out and touch them.

He stood on the top deck, near the massive helm. Below him, near the rigging of the sails, a woman with dark hair and seafoam eyes grinned at him. Even before Emma felt the sudden rush of love and recognition, she knew exactly who she was looking at. Milah. 

“No news that can safely be shared among mixed company, captain ,” Milah called with a wink. She had Henry’s smile, Emma realized distantly.

The crew around Milah laughed uproariously, and her wide grin was a twin to the one stretching across Killian’s as he swung round the deck to go meet her.

Just as Emma was greedily drinking in the image of the image of the woman who had her son’s grin and Killian's heart, the world suddenly melted and shifted around her. It was as if the memory smeared, all the unimportant bits forgotten and discarded. She moved through short, foggy glimpses of old points in time. Moments alone with Milah, the sound of her laugh, the feeling of her eyes watching him, her laugh lines fanning out from the corners. At the core of it, his love for her was like a warm, even glow in his chest. Emma was suddenly sad that she would never get to meet this woman. This woman with the sharp wit and an easy laugh. She thought she would have liked her.

She kept floating through memories until they solidified all at once into sharp focus. Killian was back on the deck. Only he couldn’t move, something tight twisted around his chest and pinned him down. In front of him, Milah was on her knees. A man stood before her. His hand was buried into her chest. 

Emma recognized Rumpelstiltskin as blind, frantic panic tore through Killian, choking her. Killian had never told her explicitly how Milah had died, only that Gold had killed her. But she knew this moment. She knew what happened next. 

Rumpelstiltskin's hand tore free, Milah’s beating heart in his grip. He stared at it almost hungrily. Emma heard Killian shout, felt him pull himself free from the ropes binding him and dive for Milah as she slumped back. He caught her, begging, pleading words stumbling from his lips. She felt so light in his arms, a hollow empty shell. They shared a look, Milah’s gaze full of an unspoken farewell. 

She heard, rather than saw the crunch of the heart as Rumpelstiltskin crushed it. Milah gasped, dead even before the ashes crumbled and fell to the deck. 

Rage built in Killian, blinding and useless. It pushed him to his feet, surged him forward. He cursed Rumpelstiltskin, his hands in fists, desperate to drive them into the scaled skin and rotting teeth of the man who took his love. Rumpelstiltskin's grin was sharp. A blade flashed. Men shouted. A horrible, exquisite pain erupted from Killian’s left wrist and drove him to his knees. Emma wanted to scream.

Everything started moving too fast. The memory grew blurry again, every part of it dulled by the all consuming pain and rage boiling in Killian. He was screaming, driving a hook into Rumpelstiltskin's chest, mocking laughter meeting his ears. Then hands were grabbing him, pulling him back. Pain. Oh god there was just so much pain. Emma felt herself being dragged down with it, Killian’s vision growing black. But even in the darkness she felt the agony, unable to escape it. All alone in his head, she ached. 

The memories came and went. Bright flashes of faces crowding into his vision, frantic voices and bloody rags. Blood. There was so much blood. She could smell it, the sharp, copper tang of it. It felt like it coated his tongue, filled his nostrils and tried to drown him. He was being moved, every bump and bounce he felt sending jolts of pain through his system and forcing him back into blank unconsciousness.

Then heat. It was so sudden and sharp it brought him back to bleeding, screaming life. The world around him was thrown into abrupt focus as molten heat was pressed against the agonizing, throbbing stump of his wrist. He looked at the white hot blade being forced against his skin, watched as it melted his flesh and made it bubble around the edges, cauterizing it. He was screaming. It filled his head, an endless bellow of animalistic pain that crashed into Emma like a blow. 

When the darkness came for him again, Emma welcomed it with a sob.

She didn’t know how much time had passed when he started to wake again. She didn’t care. Every part of his body was one, long, endless agony. She couldn’t breathe from the force of it. Above him, it grew dark, then light, then dark again. Time moving on with or without him.

A noise woke him at some point. She blinked the grit from his burning eyes, trying to look at where Killian's hand had been severed. His wrist was an angry, mottled thing, the skin around it too pink, too tight. Thick blisters, fat and stretched taunt, seemed too shiny in the pale light below the deck of the ship where they had left him.

Her head lolled, their shared vision turning syrupy around the edges as the pain rose up again and smothered her in burning heat. 

She could hear voices, pitched low, all whispering with a panicked edge.

“Fever.”  

“ Infection…”

“The amount of blood he lost-” 

“No one could survive that.”

Emma writhed inside the shell of the memory. Killian , she sobbed, unsure if he could hear her. Was he in here with her? Was he reliving this too and she just couldn’t feel him? Or had Hades taken him away from her again? It was so quiet now. Killian. Killian. She repeated it again and again, his fever touching her own mind, choking the air from her lungs. How could he bear this? How could anyone bear this?

Fresh pain shot from his wrist and Emma threw her head back and screamed. Tears rolled down her cheeks when it was Killian’s voice, Killian’s pain she heard echoing endlessly in her head as she was pitched sidewise into another memory.

He was vomiting, heat and misery burning him, leaving him feeling feverish and delirious. He was fading in and out of consciousness, through the days, maybe weeks, he could no longer tell. Food and water had to be forcibly shoved into his mouth until he swallowed it, all the while he cursed at them for daring to try and keep him alive in his grief.

Emma watched it all, helpless inside his head. Killian had been right. Hades had found a way to torture them after all. Because this? Watching Killian break apart, unable to help, was agony. She wanted to fight, wanted to scream at the unfairness of it. But she could do neither. She could only sit and witness it all.

More memories faded in and out. In his rare moments of lucidity, the image of Milah, her heart torn from her chest, burned across his brain. His heart felt empty, like a hollow burden, sinking his body down deeper. His love for her burned itself away, twisted and malformed from grief. In its place, only one thought remained. Revenge. 

The word repeated itself, over and over, until it became a mantra. As his body healed, as the scar tissue on both his wrist and his heart thickened, he swore it to himself, again and again. He would have his revenge. No matter the cost. 

Trapped inside his tortured mind, Emma mourned for him.

***

Killian woke in agony. Pain snaked around his spine and sank into his bones, leaving him too weary to move. For one, terrifying moment, he thought he was back in the underworld. That all this had been a ruse. Emma had never come for him, Hades had simply split open his head and planted the idea of her, giving him hope and then taking it. Yet again.

But this place didn’t feel like his hell. There were voices around him, low murmuring, distinctly human voices.

He tried to open his eyes, but they stayed stubbornly shut. Another wave of pain twisted inside him, washing over him as his back arched and a low, sobbing moan filled his head. Emma. That was Emma’s voice.

“You’re doing great Emma, just a little longer now,” a strange voice near his feet comforted.

He felt her then, Emma. She was scared and exhausted and so, so heartbreakingly sad that it nearly swallowed her. 

He wasn’t here, he realized as her emotions buffeted him and surrounded him from all sides. This was Emma’s body. Her memory.

Her eyes opened and Killian looked across the room through tear blurred eyes. She was on her back, doctors and nurses standing around her, their faces hidden with masks and hair coverings. Blinding, overhead lights seemed to beat down on her, making her even more uncomfortable. She tried to move and Killian felt something tug on her wrist.

She let out a small sob of annoyance and pain, looking down at the silver cuff that chained her to the bed. They’d restrained her. She was in pain, she needed help, and they’d restrained her.

Fury raced through him, though he couldn’t tell if it was his or hers he felt, or a combination of the two. She felt so small in the bed, and so completely alone.

Another rush of pain, this one stronger than the first two, sent stars across their shared vision and Emma fell back.

“Okay Emma, you’re ready. It’s time to push, alright?”

She was shaking her head, and Killian felt her panic and his own bleed together. She was giving birth. He was about to witness her giving birth inside her own mind. For some reason the complete invasion of it flooded his brain, made him want to climb out of her head and simply hold her. This was her memory. Hers. He had no right to witness this and Hades certainly had no right to take that choice from her.

But he was here. There was no taking back what had been started. So he sat in the mind of the woman he loved and felt her body tear itself apart.

She was screaming, her body bearing down, the act of giving birth overwhelming her rational brain and simply taking over, trying to push. Sweat poured down her face as she strained, her pain now just a constant steady stream of misery. She wanted it to end. She needed it to end. She just wanted to lay back and sleep and never wake up. She’d fought so hard her whole life and now she had no fight left. She was done.

“You've got this Emma,” a nurse soothed from her left side, her gloved hand rubbing circles on her back. Emma liked her, Killian could feel it. This was a kind person, the only person who treated her like a patient and not a prisoner. A good person, a decent person. Someone who would make an amazing parent. Unlike her.

“Emma, I need you to work with us,” the doctor positioned between her legs called. “You need to keep pushing, your baby is ready to come out.”

Her baby. Killian felt a spark of something light inside her. Emma was too scared to give the feeling a name, but Killian recognized it instantly. Love.

Oh how she loved this little baby. She adored it. She sang it songs in her head and read to it in the bed of her prison cell when everyone else was asleep. She would give anything to her baby if it asked.

So she pushed. She pushed even as she felt like she was tearing in half, when the pain grew knife-sharp and carved her open. Voices blurred around her, all speaking over each other, telling her to take deep breaths, that she was almost there, that it was almost over. She gripped the sides of the bed, shoving forward and pushed until she thought her bones would crack and she would break apart until there was nothing of her left.

“Big push now Emma! Big push!”

She screamed and it was like the ozone in the room ignited, the lights in the room glowing white hot and shattering. Killian felt a punch of raw, primal magic explode from within her and then-

A baby’s cry, small but strong, broke through the silence. Henry. He was here. Killian wanted to look at him, wanted to see the boy's face, the feeling nearly overwhelming him. But Emma didn’t turn to look. She squeezed her eyes shut, and sank into the mattress.

“It’s a boy Emma,” the doctor said, a smile in his voice.

A boy. She had a son. A beautiful, perfect son. He cried out, and Killian felt it drive into Emma's heart like a knife. Every part of her wanted to turn, wanted to take him in her arms and hold him, to soothe his cries and protect him from every bad scary thing in this world like it was her only job in this life.

But…she couldn’t. She loved him more than anything. She would give him anything to make him happy, to keep him safe. And because of that she knew that meant he had to go away. As far away from her as possible. He deserved so much, he deserved the whole world. And she couldn’t afford to give it to him. All she had to give him was a chance. A chance at a better start. Without her. She couldn’t be a mother, couldn’t be his mother. She would ruin him. Taint him somehow. She wouldn’t do that to him.

Killian felt the decision form in her mind, felt her shake her head and grit her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut as tears spilled down her face. He heard the doctor tell her that she could change her mind, that it wasn’t too late. But he knew. He knew what happened next. He wanted to beg her to change her mind, to see that she already was a mother, he wanted to be there and tell her over and over until she believed it. But he couldn’t change the past. He could only watch it.

“No. I can't be a mother,” her voice was so small, it broke him.

He felt her heart tear itself in two. When the doctors carried her baby away from her, when Henry’s small, searching cries faded down the hall into silence, Killian felt as a piece of Emma’s heart went with him. Heartbreak didn’t come close to describing this feeling. It was as if a huge, yawning emptiness split open in her chest where her heart had once sat and consumed her.

***

Killian woke with a start, jerking up and dragging air desperately into his lungs. Beside him, Emma shot up, panting, eyes darting until she saw him. Her face was pale, her hair damp from sweat and sticking to her face. She opened her mouth, her eyes rapidly moving over his face, before flinching away from him and vomiting into the tall grass. He shot forward.

“Emma, breathe. It’s alright, it’s over. What did you-?”

“Probably a good idea to give her a minute,” a taunting voice called from behind them. “She had a hell of a ride in there.”

Killian’s head spun, white hot rage spilling into his blood. Behind them, Hades sat back in a plastic lawn chair, one ankle crossed over his knee, grinning.

“You bloody bastard,” Killian was on his feet, his hand clenched. The overwhelming urge to stomp the heel of his boot into Hades’ cold, dead smile, nearly blinded him.

“Ah, ah, ah!” Hades warned, a single finger raising in the air. “We wouldn’t want to do anything rash now, would we Emma?” He leaned over, calling to her. From her kneeling position, she shoved her middle finger over her shoulder without turning and spat in the grass.

“Hades if you’ve hurt her-”

“Me? Oh no, I didn’t do anything,” he said with mock innocence. “All I did was show her your memory.”

Killian felt his blood run cold. What memory could he have shown her for her to react like that? He knelt back down when Emma moaned, wiping the back of her hand against her mouth. 

“Ignore him,” she rasped. “I’m alright. It was-it was just intense.”

“Emma love, call off the deal. I won’t have you in pain like this, I can’t-”

“No!” her eyes burned as she reached up to grip him. “Killian, no, I can handle it. Please. I promise.”

Killian blew a sharp breath from his nose, trying to keep his composure. “Emma,” he tried to make his voice gentle but it still carried an edge. “Love, what memory did he show you?”

Her eyes went distant for a moment, and Killian felt his stomach tighten. He had lived centuries, had done countless brutal things. Any of them were enough to have her react like this. The question was, which one had Hades chosen?

“It was Milah,” she said after a pause. “The moment Rumpelstiltskin killed her, and took your hand.”

Killian went still, staring at her. Hades had shown her that moment? Milah’s face, frozen in fear, floated in front of his eyes, there and gone in seconds. A phantom twinge of pain jolted from his wrist reflexively.

“How much-” he swallowed. “How much did he show you?”

“Oh, I showed her everything, don't worry!” Hades's cheery voice called. “No gory detail left out. Gave her the full surround sound experience, didn’t I Emma?”

Beside him, Emma's face turned pale, her tongue darting out to wet her dry lips. Killian remembered the pain he had felt trapped inside her memory of Henry’s birth, the agony she had gone through, and felt dread turn his skin cold. She had experienced him losing his hand. Even in his most lucid recollections of that day, Killian had never managed to remember that pain in anything other than hazy, blurred-over recollections. He had pushed it so far from his mind to protect himself from reliving that brutal torment.

And Hades had just made her experience it in full, merciless detail.

“You bastard Hades, there was no bloody need to show her-”

“Show her what? The moment you decided to dedicate your life to avenging your one true love?” Hades asked, his eyes growing wide with mock innocence. He turned to Emma and grinned. “No offense of course. No shame in being the runner up.”

Killian surged to his feet, blood pumping, hook raised. He would bloody end him. Here and now.

“Don’t let him get to you.” Emma said, pushing herself up on shaky legs, to grip his arm. “He's not worth it.”

Killian spared her a glance. “He doesn't have the bloody right. He doesn’t have the right to reach into our heads and pull out our pain just to torture us with it.”

“Oh I’m pretty sure I do though. After all,” Hades steepled his hands together, his gaze locking on Emma. “We made a deal.”

“The deal was to test our true love, not whatever twisted game you’re playing at Hades,” Killian snapped.

“And that’s exactly what I’m doing,” Hades said, his tone taking on an edge of false sincerity. “True love isn’t just some cheap card trick, it’s the most powerful magic that exists. To have it you need to love so fully and completely that it’s like second nature. And you can’t have love like that when you don’t really know a person, now can you?”

The god of death gestured with both hands, like a demented talk show host. “Seriously this is a once in a lifetime opportunity here! I really wouldn’t pass this up if I were you. You,” he pointed to Killian. “Get to finally see inside the head of the saviour, finally learn what makes her tick. And you,” his hand swung to Emma. “Get to learn what kind of man Killian Jones really is.”

His words felt ominous. A promise and a curse all at once. 

“Ignore him,” Emma said. “I already tried to tell him earlier that this whole test was pointless.” She turned to look at him, her mouth turning up at the corners as a fire lit behind her eyes. “I already know exactly what type of man you are.”

“Mmmm, do ya though?” Hades asked with a hiss of breath, tilting his head to the side. “See, I'm not so sure about that. I mean you two have known each other, what, a few months at most? He’s got a whole three centuries worth of history before meeting you. Entire lifetimes lived before you were even born.”

His gaze sharpened, the edge of his smile growing pointed. “Are you really sure he’s even worth it?”

“Yes.” 

Killian sucked in a sharp breath at her sudden certainty. She turned and looked at him, her eyes holding promise. “Yes, I know he’s worth it.”

“Touching,” Hades said dryly. “Really. And for your sake, I hope you’re right. We’ve got a hell of show left to get through.”

Killian could feel the magic starting again, could feel the rush of it start to build, and shook his head. He still didn’t trust this, any of this. He knew how Hades made deals, and he knew there was no way he would give either of them up so easily.

“Emma said you agreed on a fail safe, a way out for her if she needs it. How do we know you’ll honor that?” He asked, stopping the god from conjuring another door.

Hades turned to give them a bored look, as if the question was barely worth his time. “Emma isn’t dead, not yet anyway. I don’t have any way of keeping her bound in the underworld with me. She has the ability to leave whenever she wants.”

“Yeah sure…one small problem though,” Emma glanced between the two of them. “I can’t exactly get up and walk out while I’m stuck in a sleeping curse, can I?”

Hades’s smile turned wolffish, his eyes lighting as if she’d finally said something interesting. “Well now, how funny you bring that up. I was wondering when you would.” 

When they both only stared at him, the god’s face fell. 

“Hello? Sleeping curse?” he said, gesturing to Emma with a flicking hand. “True love’s kiss? Big flashy light show? Thought this was all sort of obvious? Gods you two really are slow. Here.” he jumped to his feet, hands tucking into the pockets of his pants, and stalked towards them. 

“Let me break this down for you. You have two options, one; you see my test through to the end and test the strength of your love, or two;” he held up two fingers on his left hand. “If at any point you want the trial to end, all you have to do is kiss her. She goes back home, no hard feelings, thanks for playing, and you,” he turned to Killian, his grin predatory. “Stay here with me. And we go back to our fun little games.”

They were still for a moment, Emma hand in his squeezing tight. They could. They could just end this now. He could end this now, and save her. He turned to her, caught her tortured gaze. Her head gave one, barely noticeable shake, no.

“Unless, of course,” Hades continued, taking a step towards them. “You’re worried it won’t work?”

Killian blinked. An old, nearly buried dread rising in him like ocean water in a sinking ship. That old fear that Hades was right. That it wasn’t true love at all. 

Oh he loved her of course. He had never loved anyone the way he loved Emma Swan. Even the way he had loved Milah had been different. Not any worse or any less but…different. Loving Emma Swan was like loving the sun. It came as natural to him as breathing.

But in his weakest, most torturous moments of doubt he wondered. He wondered if she ever felt the same. She loved him, of course, in her own quiet way. And he had taken that love and cherished it, held it closely to his heart and lived off it, satisfied with all she gave him.

But. True love? In the depths of her heart was it really true love? The uncertainty of it killed him. And he knew that Hades was perfectly aware of that fact. He had practically split Killian’s head open, torn out chunks of him. Every fear, every doubt, every agonizing thought that Killian had ever felt, Hades knew. And now he planned to torture both of them with it.

“We’ll keep going with the trial.” Emma said, breaking Killian’s thoughts apart and scattering them.  “But we need real memories this time, not whatever sadistic thing you find in our pasts that you feel like torturing us with.”

“Ugh. Fine then, since you two want to be boring, we’ll do this your way! Let’s start at the beginning.” He flicked a hand through the air and another door appeared before them. “No more skipping to all the fun bits first. Off you go!”

They stared at it for a moment. It seemed to pulse with magic, threatening and inviting all at once. In his hand, her fingers were cold, the knuckles white where they gripped him tightly. He shifted, lifting his hook and brushing a lock of hair from her shoulder. Her eyes found his and locked on, a question in her eyes. He waited.

“What memory did he show you?” Emma asked finally, glancing up at him. “I’m guessing it was one of mine. Which one?” 

Killian debated not telling her. Did she really need to know how Hades had stolen that moment from her? But her face was resolute, her gaze steady. There was no point withholding this from her.

“You were in the hospital,” he said, watching her face. “Giving birth to Henry.”

“Oh.” she said, so quietly he barely caught it. Pain flashed across her face, fast and sharp, before her walls went up again and her expression grew blank. 

They both turned to look at the door as it swung open, the hinges squeaking slightly. He gripped her hand tighter, felt her hesitation before she squeezed back. Side by side, they walked through together. 

[writing-for-life]

Sunday Mourning—About Dream Entities and Stars

Why Head-Canons Are Wonderful, But Forcing Them On Creators Isn’t

And as always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!

First of all: I don’t want to take anyone’s head-canons away from them, it’s what fandom is partly built on. I support them, I love them, I have plenty of my own. The Sandman very explicitly tells us about “books never written” in Lucien/ne’s library, and we can be sure ours is in there.

But that’s not quite the same as harassing both creators and other fans in an attempt to make fanon canon, and that’s what partly sparked this post. So if a super-long meta exploration of “Sunday Mourning” (and there is a lot in this post) that also contains a bit of fandom criticism (feel free to skip that if you just want the meta) isn’t your thing—this is your warning 🤣

Also: Massive spoilers ahead…

The theory that Morpheus forever lives in Hob’s dreams (and with Hob) as a dream entity regularly makes the rounds. And it’s a nice theory, and I get why people like it. I also get that “The Wake—Sunday Mourning” is maybe ambiguous enough to consider it a possibility (which then goes into head-canon territory). All good so far.

What’s problematic is when fans begin to leverage their head-canons/theories as “true because Neil gave it a like”, and then proceed to present them as canon.

Neil likes posts, yes, but he said *several times* and *very explicitly* that’s never endorsement of anything, but rather valuing that people put thought into stuff and engage with his stories critically (and he also said that it’s sometimes just a slip of his finger, but that just as an aside, you’ll find one example here).

So if Neil liked a happily-ever-after-dream-entity post, that means he supports your head-canons as head-canons because he always does (or his finger slipped—I guess we’ll never know). Again: In a way, it’s even an integral part of The Sandman. It also means that he likes the fact you engaged deeply with the source material, in either a heartfelt or critical way.

What it *doesn’t* mean: Head-canon is the same as canon despite both being valid in their own way. He said all of this a million times in a million posts.

Let’s explore that particular theory and start with an ask:

His endorsement goes as far as acknowledging that “it’s never only a dream,” and that “dreams are where the stories are.” And we need to stop pretending it’s anything more than that, even if he likes a few posts here and there (posts that go in all different directions, btw). Neil used his own experience with grief and mirrored it 1:1 in how Hob handles Morpheus’ death in The Wake and Sunday Mourning.

Here is a quote from the Sandman Companion:

NG: […] Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories—if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death.

HB: It also makes me think of Hob's dream in part 3.

NG: That was something that actually happened to me. [1]I dreamt about a friend who'd died six months earlier, woke up completely upset that she'd died, [2]and then realized I'd simply had a dream and felt enormously relieved... [3]and then I woke up all the way and remembered that she really had passed on.

[numbers and bold by me]

And then remember what happened to Hob:

1. He found out in a dream Morpheus had died and woke up upset and crying in The Wake, Chapters 1-3 (#70-72).

2. Then he had another dream that somewhat gave him closure and a sense of relief (Sunday Mourning, #73).

(Can I also just point out where Destruction’s fingers are pointing here and then contrast it with what he told Daniel in The Wake about “walking amongst the stars”, or Morpheus actually turning into a star?)

(What might the end of the story be? Who knows, but once again, have a look where Destruction’s fingers are pointing.)

3. Then he woke up all the way and felt peace (also in Sunday Mourning).

Make of that what you will, but to me, saying that scene was based on his own dream is basically Neil confirming that Morpheus has “really passed on.”

Will Hob remember Morpheus? Of course he will. That’s what humans do. Does Morpheus live a happily ever after in Hob’s dream with Hob? And would that be in character? And would he want his memories to be intact to make that happen? Would that truly be passing on?

I will explore why canonically, we don’t find much to support that notion, and why it would seem OOC. But if you believe it, it’s your personal truth. Should we call for the ending to be changed though to make our personal truth that of the author?

Life and death are our own, and it’s never just a dream

Destruction was in Hob’s dream (when Hob never really knew him), and Destruction walked away from it all. As did Morpheus. They’re both free. It was very likely (and I'm phrasing this carefully on purpose) a dream gifted by Daniel!Dream (who had a very long talk with Destruction during the Wake) to give Hob closure, and it seems straightforward enough if you read The Wake not just single-mindedly focused on one thing. Daniel!Dream is not in the original panel, but he is in the background of concept art of that panel for a movie pitch by Jill Thompson and Neil Gaiman, so we can probably assume it was always the intended subtext.

And what does Death say in Façade? Or what does Morpheus say to Orpheus, or to Delirium after he killed Orpheus? That life and death are our own.

Destruction’s life is his own.

Morpheus’ death is his own.

And Hob’s life AND death are his own.

The three of them are the literal embodiment of that sentiment:

One walked away and chose life.

One walked away and chose death.

One chooses life for as long as he sees fit and can choose death if he stops doing so.

It makes sense to put them in a panel together at the end for that very reason (and a few others of course).

That, right there, is already “more than just a dream.” It is the story, not just a metaphor. It is canon, and it is fairly explicit.

Would Morpheus ever want to be a dream entity with all his memories intact?

From this point onward, we get more into interpretation based on canonical character traits:

Morpheus living forever as a dream entity *tied to Hob’s dream* is canonically antithetical and OOC. There, I said it. He wanted to be free from the Dreaming, he even said so to Death (“But even the freedom of the Dreaming can be a cage, of a kind, my sister,” in #69).

But existing as a dream entity WITH ALL HIS MEMORIES INTACT (that alone should make people say, “He would never want this in a million years” because it’s the very source of his pain—he wanted punishment for Orpheus’ fate/death—Nuala called him out on it) would forever tie him to it. Plus, it would make him Daniel’s subject in a way. It would be, again, very OOC.

Also: Dream had very strong feelings about the dead NOT belonging into dreams/the Dreaming permanently, or the living building their lives around them. WHY would that apply to Hector, but not to Morpheus himself? Again, it makes no sense in continuity.

But Destruction was in that dream…

Destruction visited Daniel!Dream during the Wake. They talked about a lot of stuff that’s very relevant, I recommend a reread if you’re not certain (this is long enough as it is, so I’ll skip it at this point). And it makes narrative sense to anchor that in Hob’s dream for reasons already outlined (they might not make sense to Hob, but they make sense to us, the reader, if we are willing to see that “it’s more than just a dream” isn’t equal to two people riding off into the sunset together, as nice a head-canon that might be). What I *do* want to point out though is that Destructions talked about “walking amongst the stars” and again, where he points in Hob’s dream.

Someone said this somewhere else and drew parallels to Stardust: Morpheus *does* become a star (or returns to them, who knows), it’s all over The Wake. That star is in literally *every* panel with a window/sky after his barge has transformed. And what becomes of him as that—who knows, since we all know stars have some sort of sentience in Gaiman’s universe, and that “oblivion is not an option” if Death took your hand to lead you into the afterlife. Again: Head-canon territory…

Head-canons are beautiful

No one is trying to take them away from us. Let’s knock ourselves out in fanfic and fanart, it’s comforting and healing. The Sandman is a story about stories. Our stories are our own, and they are true for us, that’s the whole point. And Neil will *never* tell you your head-canon is not real, because for you, it is, and that’s all that matters. But the constant need to elevate fanon to canon really gets exhausting at times, especially if it involves pestering the creators, constantly being on their blogs/tagging them and trying to get them to confirm what we want.

And to those that insist we will undoubtedly get a happily ever after because “Hob’s dream says so”, and think the writers somehow should “read the room” and provide fan-service (side-note: What is it with this entitlement in fandom? The creator tells *their* story, not yours):

One of the main messages of the story is (already in 24/7) that stories only have a happy ending because we know when to stop, but that they ultimately *all* end in death. No matter how much people say that “the show is so much more hopeful”, that very line has already been brought into the show. They didn’t take it out. It will have weight at some point, I’ll put my money on it.

But show!Murphy isn’t comics!Murphy...

People point out that show!Morpheus is different from comics!Morpheus to justify we will get a different ending. Making Morpheus a bit softer around the edges seems, at least to me, a move to make him likeable as the protagonist, because it would be very hard to like early comics!Morpheus, to be frank. The fact that he brought Gault back from the darkness—I saw that as giving show!only fans a nicely wrapped end of the first season, because we didn’t even know if we would get a second one at that point. It also shows us that he is capable of change—a thing I am near certain he will repeatedly deny as we go on (he already did). So no, I personally don’t think it set him on a different path. There are even scenes in the show that very heavily foreshadow The Kindly Ones (the cracks in the window are overlayed onto his face in such a way that they heavily hint at the scar he is going to receive).

So yes, by all means, let’s have a bit of ambiguity in Sunday Mourning for the people who don’t like the tragic ending, but let’s also focus on more than just making everything about the ship. Their relationship is important, and even more so because it isn’t romantic—that’s why it grows and lasts (unlike Morpheus’ romantic relationships). But it’s only the tiniest fraction of what The Sandman is about.

I write fanfic. I give Morpheus happy endings, too. I get it, I want him to be happy, too. But no matter how much we write him in character, we will ultimately break character the moment we make him do things that lead to a different outcome. In canon, he is the way he is. And I am afraid to say:

I personally think he is also like that in the show, even if they softened him a bit around the edges and shoved certain messages down our throats that people who know the comics didn’t need, but newbs to the Sandman did (“I’m listening now…”)—it was a good move, and all of that made sense for show-narrative reasons. But not once did I have the feeling that he wasn't exactly the same Morpheus underneath it all, and we already had too much foreshadowing to think that we would really get a different ending.

Why chemistry isn’t confirmation of the ship

That’s another one: To turn one (!) show-writer’s comment that Morpheus’ and Hob’s chemistry was a thing, and that they allowed that type of ambiguity, into, “Their romantic relationship is canon.” These two things are not the same. And Neil said that Benton’s comment did not make Dreamling any more real/canon, but people conveniently forget that. He also didn’t deny it, he just didn’t confirm, because, again: He doesn’t confirm or deny head-canons. They’re ours. Let's please stop pestering the man to confirm our head-canons and fantasies, but that just as an aside.

It shows one thing, however:

How conditioned fandom is to make everything about romantic relationships (ideally m/m), even if they have nothing, and I say nothing, to do with the main message.

And it’s okay the wish for these relationships matters to some people, but they don’t have to matter to everyone else, to the extent that we expect the actual story to change. Why try to twist his arm into changing his own story, and the way he wanted to tell it?

So again: Head-canons are beautiful. Trying to get them confirmed by creators and foist them upon everyone else (to the extent that people get harassed) is not.

And if I'm proven wrong on this, I’ll still die happy, but I'm putting my chips down right now and say:

Morpheus will die in exactly the same way as in the comics. And if we get The Wake, we will get a scene in Sunday Mourning that can hold ambiguity for processing our grief, just like the comic can. And the shippers will say, “He’s with Hob, yay!”, and the non-shippers will say, “Nah, not what I saw.” And Neil will get a million asks and answer each single one with:

“What do *you* think?”

[meraki24601]

Can there pleeeeaaassseeee be a part 2 to Thief (Version 2)

???

Absolutely! I'm glad you enjoyed the first part!

Thief Version 2: Part 2

Part 1

-----------*-***-*-----------

For the week Hero was in and out of consciousness, Villain barely left their bedside. 

Hero had been telling the truth about their revealed identity. Villain had carried Hero into the medical wing of their best facility. Hero’s new bandages had already bled through. One by one, Villain refused each doctor who approached to help. Every one walked up with concern and passion to help in their eyes, but when they saw Hero’s face, determination turned to disgust. Villain couldn’t trust them with Hero. Not a single one. 

Not until Medic showed up. They burst through the med wing doors, complaining about being called in on their day off. They continued complaining as one of the nurses explained the situation, and they approached Villain and the unconscious body in their arms. This time, when they saw who Villain was holding, instead of disgust, Villain could only see sorrow. “Stupid Heroes always cutting my days off short.” They turned and called over their shoulder for someone to bring a stretcher, then turned back and stared Villain in the eyes, “You’re an idiot if you think I’m letting you go back in the OR looking like that. Go clean the blood off yourself. I’ll send for you when they’re in a room.”

Villain glared at Medic, “You do know who I am, correct? You know what will happen if I hear you let Hero die.”

“Yeah, sure, you’re the big bad Villain. I couldn’t care less about anything but saving my patients, so could you put them down already? We need to hurry. Is there anything vital I need to know before I take them back?”

“They’ve been homeless for about two months. I removed a tracker from their arm. They’re definitely malnourished if they’ve lost as much weight as I think they have.” 

“Alright. Thank you. Now get out of here before I kick you out.” With that, Medic turned away, taking Hero with them.

To everyone’s surprise, including Villain’s, they left once Medic and Hero disappeared through the OR doors. True to their word, Medic called the moment Hero was out of surgery. They had removed small pieces of glass from Hero’s back that must have been there since Villain threw them through a window, pulled out a bullet from their side that was most likely put there less than two hours earlier, rebroke and set the bone in Hero’s right leg, treated and sewed up several gashes made by knives and several others that seemed to have been from dog teeth and claws, and treated the many bruises covering their body. They were also under close watch for their concussion, which had been made worse by repeated injury, malnutrition, and dehydration. 

In summary, Medic simply sighed, “The idiot is lucky to be alive, so once you’re clean, you better get back here, 'cause I don’t trust a single one of these nurses to actually take care of them, and I want to go home.”

Villain made a note to make Medic their primary doctor. Back in the hospital wing, they could tell they had paid attention to every detail and worked hard to ensure Hero would live to see tomorrow. 

Like Medic, Hero decided they didn’t trust the nurses either. Outside of an emergency, no one was allowed in Hero’s room unless Villain, Medic, or one of Villain’s three most trusted guards were present. It didn’t matter much since Villain spent all the time they could in the small room with their sleeping nemesis.

They told themselves they stayed because Hero refused to stay asleep. Of course, they weren’t conscious enough of the world around them to know where they were or what had happened to them. It was just enough to cause them to panic and reopen their wounds. By day three, Medic and Villain had decided to strap them to the bed for their own safety. It caused them more stress when they woke, but at least Hero finally started healing.

Hero’s dog was probably the most help through the process. The first few days they had been held at another facility to be cleaned and their wounds treated by a vet Villain called in. After that, Villain decided to bring them in to help Hero heal and keep Villain company. It had surprised Villain when they first saw the dog with their red service dog vest. The animal had been instrumental in calming Hero down.

On day seven, they woke for real.

“Where… am I? Help.” Hero groaned, weakly pulling against the restraints on their wrists.

“Hospital. You’re fine.” Villain said, not looking up from the papers piled in their lap. “Relax. You’re safe now, Hero. Go back to sleep.”

“Who’s there? Let me go.” A small sob, weak and hopeless, drew Villain’s attention up to Hero’s open, squinting eyes. They searched the ceiling above them, blinded by the relatively bright light.

“You’re awake!” Villain gasped, throwing their work aside to lurch for the light. Since it was late, nearly 11 at night, and the curtains were drawn, turning off the bright overhead plunged the room into complete darkness. Cursing quietly as they bumped their knee on the end of Hero’s bed, Villain turned on the softer lamp on the bedside table. 

The few seconds of darkness were too much for the confused Hero. As Villain turned back to them, they realized the mistake. Hero’s eyes were clenched shut, mouth open in a hoarse, silent scream. They pulled at the bindings on their wrists and ankles, close to tearing open the skin despite their weakened state. Villain’s stomach churned at the sight of their Hero, consumed with fear and pain.

“Up,” Villain called to the dog, watching intently from his corner. The animal was instantly on the bed, giving Hero deep pressure therapy. The dog always seemed to know to be careful of Hero’s wounds, and Villain could feel themselves take a deep breath as Hero finally did.

“Edge, you’re here.” Hero gasped, petting the dog where it touched their hand. “Where am I?”

“You’re in one of my facilities.” Villain stepped closer so Hero could see their face. “You collapsed outside one of my stores.”

“Villain!” Hero yelled as much as their ruined voice would allow, “You captured me? I collapsed? I… No. You… You shot me with tranquilizers!” 

“Yes, that most likely was a large contributing factor in your collapse.” Villain laughed slightly as they petted the dog in Hero’s lap. “It’s alright, Hero. I’m not going to hurt you. Do you remember what I told you before you fell asleep?”

Hero shivered, “You said I couldn’t die yet, but I…”

“I did say that, yes. I also said I was going to take care of you. You’re safe now. You don’t have to live on the streets anymore. You don’t have to worry about another villain finding you. I’m going to protect you and show you why I fight against the Hero Agency. Then, once you’ve healed and understand everything, I’m going to ask you to join me.”

Hero gasped, causing them to cough a deep rasping cough that had Villain slipping gentle hands under their back to support them through it. “Relax. I’m not asking you yet, and you do have a choice when the time comes. For now, the main thing you need to do is sleep. Sleep and heal until you’re yourself again.”

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 2, Part 2/3 (p. 440-614)

Read the previous post here.

We pick up this second third of Act 2 by reading another section of Rose's GameFAQs walkthrough.

Credit where it's due, I like this section title.

Rose wants to know more about this hypothetical Pornsprite. This girl is freaky. Too bad Ao3 didn't go into open beta until a few months after Homestuck began, she would've been all about it.

Interesting how she only cites part of her guide as "logorrheic sludge." Honey, that's the entire guide. Brevity is not your strong suit.

Rose and Jade's first pesterlog. I'll use this as the jumping off point to talk about Jade since she has only appeared sporadically at this point and none of her logs were worth talking about.

Actually, she did have one log in Act 1 where she asks John about his present. The one interesting thing is that she apparently didn't know what Sburb was when John mentioned it.

So John, Rose, and Dave all knew about Sburb and none of them thought to tell Jade about it? Huh... guess that tells us a lot about the dynamics of their friend group.

Anyway, I realize this might be a "hot take" given her inexplicable popularity in the fandom, but I don't like Jade. And unlike with John, there never was a point where I did. I am of the mind that Homestuck would've been much stronger and have a tighter pace if she was cut from the cast of kids (or at least, this version of her. The story could also work if she had some heavy rewrites) and it was limited to John, Rose, and Dave. Rose and Dave alone make for an engaging pair, and I suppose John acts as a sort of "anchor" to ground their increasingly esoteric insincerity and bullshit. If he was fleshed out more, it definitely would've worked.

But Jade doesn't help with this dynamic at all. Like John, Jade is also much more grounded and sincere, but her personality is also coupled with an overwhelming optimism where she believes everything will be okay if left up to chance. If John is true neutral, Jade is 100% positive. He barely reacts to the otherworldly things happening to him, but she actively seems to enjoy them (the meteor crashing near her house is something she wants to explore regardless of the risk, and John struggling in Sburb is "exciting").

She doesn't serve as a convincing counterbalance to Rose and Dave and comes across as more of an extraneous extension of John's lack of danger sense than anything else. Do we really need two happy-go-lucky kids with slight variations on the same niche? The very fact that the story is able to progress without her involvement thus far shows just how little she matters.

These first two acts shroud her in so much mystery, and we barely know anything about her even through these sparse pesterlogs. (As we later see, this amounts to nothing, so all this intrigue is unfounded and only leads to an unsatisfying payoff). At this point in the story, we only know that she lives with her grandfather and someone named Bec (which Dave refers to as a "devilbeast"), she has a "goofy modus" which frustrates even Dave (who, mind you, mocked John for using a simple modus earlier), she lives in a far-off part of the world, and that she has some degree of inexplicable precognition.

Jade's cutesy cagey attitude about her precognitive abilities is fucking annoying, and it is perhaps the worst thing about reading her logs. "oh gee i know all this stuff but its a secret and you gotta find out on your own tee hee! :)" This truly is typical hackshit writing when handling characters with prophetic knowledge. You can't make them too useful, or else there won't be suspense or conflict. Instead they have to act as a ineffectual plot device to softly guide the characters along. Except she doesn't do any guiding. She just unhelpfully alludes to things that the others don't know yet and leaves it at that.

In fact, Jade as a whole is less of a character and more of a plot device, by which I mean she doesn't have any sort of character to speak of. Her overbearing cheerfulness is not endearing to read, neither is her dropping hints that she knows more about what she lets on. She doesn't have any entertaining chemistry with the others either. Her interactions with John are like watching two morons acting excited with each other while the world is literally ending around them. Dave intentionally strips himself of his personality because he has a crush on her and wants to impress her by being "nice," but she doesn't seem to reciprocate his feelings at all. Also, come on, dude, Rose is right there.

Rose is the only one who shows any scrutiny about Jade's "quirky" clairvoyance. But even so, she only expresses this through occasional, bemused remarks. Jade dodges the question whenever Rose asks how she knows about things she realistically shouldn't, and Rose doesn't ever press further.

So Rose had prior knowledge about a game that will bring her cat to life. We later find out that this opportunity to revive Jaspers was her her motivation for playing Sburb. Doesn't seem worth ending the world for, but whatever. I daresay this casts Jade in a bit of a villainous role for planting the idea in Rose's head in the first place.

Actually, if Jade ended up being a twist villain, that would've been interesting and provide, you know, intrigue! Or if nothing else, it would've at least added something of substance to her character, something she desperately needs. Even ignoring that angle, you'd think the other kids might be more than a little resentful toward Jade since she knew the world was going to end, yet never told any of them about it.

But no, Hussie can't implement anything that would've been conducive to good storytelling. Especially if it leads to, gasp, conflict!

Okay, enough of Jade, let's get moving.

I want to bring attention to this passage and compare it to the earlier "symphony impossible to play" one with Rose. First of all, it's worth noting the rain/drought contrast between their respective settings. Unlike the more elegant and cerebral prose in Rose's section, this one reads more like a stream of consciousness from Dave's perspective. Loose and casual, even ending with a Snoop Dogg-esque rhyme at the end before transitioning to an actual Snoop Dogg verse.

Yeah, for those who haven't caught on, John Keats didn't actually say that. Very easy to miss, I'm sure. For those counting, this is also misattributed quote gag #5. I am positively rolling with laughter.

I find it noteworthy the room where Bro has his whole setup is stated to be the living room, not a bedroom. I'm quite certain that the Striders live in a one-bedroom apartment where Dave gets the room and Bro has all his shit in the living room and kitchen.

Dave's relationship with Bro is an inverse of John and Rose's relationships with their guardians. Whereas Dad and Mom decorate their homes with shit they think their kids will like in order to seek their approval, Bro isn't doing any of this for Dave's sake. He fills his home with his puppets and weapons because he's the one into that shit (ironically or otherwise, it doesn't matter). Dave in turn adopts Bro's mannerisms because he craves his approval.

The amount of mental hoops he needs to make in order to justify his brother's fixation on sex and puppets is concerning. Is Bro even being "ironic" or is that just an excuse he tells Dave so he doesn't have to explain this stuff any further? I think the love of Lil Cal, his childhood possession and best friend, led to a love of puppets being a core part of his personality. Everything else that extends from that is up to interpretation.

Like Dave, Bro is also a hipster doofus who does things seen as patently "uncool" in a bold display of being unique. The logic is such: a disregard for what society deems "cool" is what leads to it becoming "cool" ironically. At a glance, Bro's interests include typically "cool" things like ninja weapons, video games, and rapping. Bro plays with expectations by using these interests, which he may very well only enjoy ironically, in conjunction with puppets, which he loves genuinely but passes them off as ironic since most people deem them creepy and uncool. Applying a sexual element to the puppets makes an interest in them even creepier, so Bro does so if only to make his love for them appear even more ironic.

Convoluted and confusing? Yeah, that's Bro Strider, baby.

I don't know how necessary it was to show just how Dave gave Lil Cal a fist bump, but I do like this panel. One of the few reminders we get that these characters are, in fact, small children.

Bro's 6-character password is "puppet" right? It has to be. (Correction: a helpful anon has informed me that the password is actually "lilcal"). Also, just like his home, his desktop organization is also a mess. There's no method to this man's madness.

For all the negligence and questionable parenting methods Bro is guilty of, he still cares for Dave in some capacity. He stays up to date on his webcomic and blogs, and even hangs up one of Dave's SBaHJ drawings on the fridge. I wonder if Bro, on some level, likes the idea of raising a kid that he can raise to be just like him, but is just a woefully inept guardian that he doesn't know the first thing about parenting.

Remember, these are the kinds of websites Rose says she likes.

Just gonna say perhaps it's not ideal that Dave is being exposed to this kind of thing at such a young age. As much as he idolizes Bro and wants to emulate him, he can't get over the fact that all this sex stuff disturbs him. Yet he doesn't even view it as sexual, only as a form of irony, one he can't comprehend until he can somehow overcome his aversion toward it. It's kinda sad, really.

Unsettled, Dave's first recourse is to talk to John to try and calm down. John leaves him hanging. Such a good friend, am I right? He then goes to Rose, where they have the earlier conversation where she says she likes Bro's websites, but this time we get added context.

Dave of course is attempting to act casual about the whole thing, only slightly alluding to his deeper distress, and Rose is just like "That shit rules. I like it." This whole exchange is both tragic and darkly comedic.

Rose really does come across as a little pervert sometimes. She casually drops sexually charged phrases in conversation ("sun's lurid glare"), her username is a lewd double entendre (tentacle the... I'll let you finish that phrase), and she does show a marked interest in sexual topics (Bro's websites, the Pornsprite... honestly I'm surprised she doesn't suggest that to Dave at any point).

Both she and Dave play with innuendo and act as though they're mature and know all about sex. However, Dave's attitude toward sex is more a response to his exposure to it at a young age, whereas Rose is more casual about it and sees her flippant attitude toward it as a mark of maturity. She must love treating sex as this trivial little thing that might make others uncomfortable, but not her because she's soooo grown up.

Also, if Rose truly did give a shit about psychoanalysis, she probably would've picked up on Dave's cries for help in his messages. She really isn't as perceptive as she lets on.

Thank you, Rose, for saying what I was thinking.

Rose gets a kick out of Dave's webcomic and laughs when John makes references to it. Also, she doesn't tell John about what Dave told her earlier about the puppets when he mentions it. How nice of her. John is a fucking jackass though. Seriously, fuck him.

I'm putting a pin in this for later. Rose being able to "see only [...] what John can see, or has seen already" will be important to note later on.

Another tragicomic exchange where Rose continues to make light of Dave's distress. I wonder if she is incapable of seeing Dave as being sincere in this moment and thinks he's overreacting as a part of their usual back-and-forth.

Here it is. My favorite Homestuck page.

Dave wants to please Bro and goes along with his shtick no matter how far he pushes the envelope. This only encourages Bro to go further and further in his methods of fucking with Dave. Is his end goal to push Dave to a breaking point, or does he truly hope something with click that will make Dave truly understand him? Either way, it's fucked up.

I didn't want to get into Bro Discourse during this reread. I know there are opposing camps who either think he's a monstrous child abuser, or a silly guy who did no wrong. Personally, I think that while he doesn't read as outright malicious, it's safe to say this dude is a menace and has no business raising a kid.

It's really skeevy of Bro to incorporate his underage brother in his fetish videos, which will doubtless be uploaded to his site for others to view. This is probably the one of the more damning things he's guilty of.

Bro has reduced the kitchen as a storage space for his weapons. It's a wonder how he's able to take care of himself, let alone a child.

It's stated that Bro doesn't have anywhere else to store his stuff, which further reinforces my theory that Dave has the only bedroom in the apartment.

Yes. Thank you. One can only watch characters launch objects at high speeds for so long.

Dave's sylladex shenanigans are a little more tolerable than John's. Assigning different names to objects in order to make them fit in the modus is more fun than watching things eject once the deck is full.

This metaphor caught me off guard. It's so abrupt and out of pocket, I love it.

Shit's about to go down. Let's see how things resolve when I finish Act 2 next week.

Read the next post here.

[roadkillremi]

Therefore I do not fear the devil... (1)

Eddie Munson x AFAB!Witch!Reader

MasterList (two out now)

Warnings : MINORS DNI, Sexist Comments, Discrimination of Witches, Masterbation, Eddie Fantasies Reader, Reader Claims to not believe in God, Mentions Church rules like a government, Mentions Death, Drinking, Smoking of Tobacco, Eddie watches reader change, Eddie imagines degrading the reader.

Summary : In 1684 in a village a bit like Salem strange things started to happen. Especially when Y/N starts to visit more. Eddie quickly falls in love with Y/N not realizing what he's getting himself into.

"Anything to say, before we burn you?!" The priest yelled. The wind blew roughly causing you to shiver.

"The witch stays silent-" He began to light his torch on fire. You close your eyes tightly to prepare yourself for the pain.

"I KNOW WHERE THE TRUE WITCH LIVES!" a rough voice yelled. You opened your eyes to find Eddie standing on a wooden crate. His long curls are going crazy in the wind. The priest turned to him, "Very well lead us there."

2 months Earlier

Eddie noticed you in the village time after time. Your long skirt with a loose chain belt hugging your hips. He knew it was a sin to look at someone with such lust. But he couldn't help it. Dried flowers rested in your hair, a flowy long sleeve top that curved with your figure. How you'd stop to tell the children stories.

But at night is when you go into the tavern. By day the old men wanted nothing to do with you. But by night is when they try to invite you to a bed. Eddie would watch you from across the tavern. You would talk to, Joyce one of the Tavern workers.

"Boy! Entertain us!" One of the older men fussed. Eddie snapped out of his trance.

"I can tell you a story." He offered. The men grunted with approval, Eddie went to the end of the table to begin.

"There's a village not from here. The only way it's connected to land is bridges. Other than that it is completely in the water." Some of the men leaned forward. Eddie took a giant gulp of beer before continuing.

"One day, one of the boys woke up the dragon. In a nearby cave, He hollered back to the village. But they all laughed at the boy. So he put together a team to fight off the dragon. But they weren't smart, the bridges burnt down. People tried swimming to shore but drowned. The dragon now lays there on that island as a nest."

A laugh burst through the tavern. Eddie looked up to see you laughing.

"What's so funny, my lady?" He straightened up his posture. You walked towards the other end of the table placing your hands down loudly.

"Dragons are not real, my friend. But witches and werewolves are!"

Men burst with laughter but you kept your eyes on him. He kept eye contact wanting you to continue. When the laughter died down you continued with a smile.

"In England before we settled here. There were werewolf trails. Sheep and people were torn in the middle of the night!" You raised your voice before standing up all the way.

"Soon the men that were questioned for being a werewolf, started to blame the witches. They cried, 'The witch! The witch did it! I slept with her and she took my dignity?'. Thus began the witch hunt." You smiled at Eddie before walking towards the door.

"Your name?!" He called. You put a long coat on covering your skirt.

"Y/N, yours?"

"Eddie.. I plan to see you at the market tomorrow?"

"That is if you're not a werewolf." You smiled before leaving. The tavern was silent before men erupted with laughter again. They threw food at Eddie for being ridiculous. He tried to dodge it before grabbing a broom.

"You freak! You really think you could get a girl like that?!" One man yelled.

"You offer no money, No proper house!"

"Yes but your wife somehow keeps returning to my bed." Eddie smiled. The man cringed before leaving. The crowd died down leaving Eddie alone in the tavern.

After he cleaned the place he returned to his home. His uncle fast asleep in the nearby room. He softly played his lute thinking of you. Your wicked smile and how you kept eye contact with him at all times. How when the men interrupted you kept your eyes on him. He put his lute up before taking his pipe stuffing tabaco in it. He took a match lighting the end to smoke it.

All he could think of was you. The church would punish him for his thoughts. How he wants to push up your skirt. To have you, all of you. His free hand drifted towards his trousers. His bulge begging for attention, he managed to pull himself free of clothes. He gently stroke himself imagining your hand instead of his.

He wondered if you were still a virgin. If you'd gone against the church's orders before like him. Or if you were innocent and never had a man touch you in such a way. The idea of him being your first drove him wild. His hand pumped himself faster his mind going wild. He let out soft moans, he wanted you to take him. To commit adultery with him, to make you promise not to tell. Then to do it all again, calling you a filthy whore. He couldn't handle himself releasing his warm seed. He collected his breath trying to calm down his thoughts. He finished smoking before laying down thinking of you.

The morning air smelled refreshing due to the market. The herbs, foods, paints, anything someone could make. Eddie waited patiently with a sad little flower. He picked it up hoping you would like it. Now it just wilted in his hand. He spotted you by one of the stalls. You were looking at feathered ink pens. The man laughed at you shooing you away. Eddie practically ran to your aid.

"I beg your pardon?!" You fussed.

"There is no way a woman knows how to write! Now scram unless there's a real reason you're here!"

"I'll purchase it." Eddie said startling you. You looked at him, his head blocked the sun from your eyes. You gave him a small smile, "Eddie, you don't have to.".

"Don't worry about it. Here I have..." Eddie searched through his pockets. He patted down his leather vest. He pulled a necklace from his pocket.

"A necklace."

The vendor gave him a questioning look. He sighed before grabbing it, "Fine, take one, son.". Eddie gently grabbed the one you wanted before handing it to you.

"Thank you." You took it gently placing it in your saccule. You stepped away from the stall to not anger the old man. Eddie pushed his hand forward with the flower.

"I found this this morning. It reminded me of you. Well, that was before it wilted." He smiled. You took it from his hand, somehow it seemed the flower healed as you grasped it.

"It's beautiful, Eddie! I believe it's an GilliFlower." You gently placed it in your hair. You walked around to see the stalls, "Why don't I see you in the village much?" Eddie asked.

"I live in the forest by the creek. I usually have everything I need. But it gets...lonely"

"I can understand that."

He watched you buy bread and butter from one of the women. He watched you talk to people, you always seemed to charm them. You jogged to Eddie quickly, "Taste this!" You shoved a muffin in his face. He took a bite, the sweet taste filled his mouth.

"That's delicious." He groaned.

You smiled, "Yes, she gifted it to me. Why do you work at the tavern? Usually men of your age are seeking marriage and land for farming.". Eddie was silent at first, "Not that it's a bad thing! Sorry!" You quickly added.

"No! Don't apologize! I was just thinking. I guess I don't wanna follow the sheep of society." He said. You nodded, "That's why I live away from society.". You took another bite of your muffin before handing it to Eddie. He gratefully took a bite of the sweet treat.

"The sheep! The sheep!" A farm hand ran in yelling. He stood at the top of the stairs, "The sheep have been slaughtered last night!". A crowd of people quickly gathered, Eddie gently placed his hand on your back. The crowd murmured amongst themselves.

"It could've been a werewolf!" One man yelled. Some people laughed, you backed up afraid of what was going to happen.

"No! A witch! A lady told us all about it at the tavern!" The crowd was shocked. You started walking away quickly, your bag held tightly close to you.

"Wait!" Eddie called out going after you.

"I have to go!" You kept walking away from him.

"When will I see you again?"

"For your sake, Never."

Eddie grabbed your forearm dragging you to a side of a house. You attempted to yank your arm back but his grip was to tight.

"Let me go."

"Why are you leaving?"

"You tell a story and they laugh. I tell a story and I'm a witch!" You fussed. Eddie stared down at you, "Where can I find you?".

"Follow a creek! Now let me go." You struggled to get your arm back.

"Take me with you." His big brown doe eyes looked down at you. You sighed, "Fine, we must be quick.". Eddie nodded letting go of your arm, you took off heading away from the village. He steadily ran behind you, you approached the woods and he stopped. You heard the lack of footsteps and turned to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

"The church says the devil lives in these woods.." he looked at the tall trees.

"I don't believe in God. Therefore I do not fear the devil." You offered out your hand to him. He looked at you, his giant calloused hand grabbing your small soft one. You lead him through the woods, ducking and hopping over obstacles.

You stopped at the beginning of the path to your house. You looked at him, "Here it is.". There was a creek near the house, and bushes with berries. The garden bed and flowers are growing lively. You started walking towards the cottage. You took your shoes off by the front door. Eddie followed you and did the same. Once he walked in a wave of calmness washed over him.

A fireplace was gently going, a wooden table in the middle. A small kitchen area in one corner. While a seating area and bookshelf in the other.

"This is it." You presented, you started emptying your bag.

"you can stay as long as you want. You can sleep by the seating area. I have spare blankets, and if you need to wash up the creek is nice. I have a bar of soap too and some spare clothes."

"Really?" Eddie asked taking it all in.

"Of course! You're my guest." You smiled, beginning to prep a meal. Eddie looked at the collection of books in awe. These must've been from England he assumed.

"I'll go wash up."

You looked up at him, "There's soap in the washroom. I'll go get some spare clothes!". You went into a small extra room digging through an old trunk. You grabbed clothes going back to the main room.

"Here, they might be a bit big on you." You handed them over. He thanked you and went outside, he causally undressed and went into the creek with a small shiver.

Eddie knew exactly what he was doing. You would glance up through your window to see him. You tried to focus on your cooking by putting the fish over the fire. Once the meal was down you peaked out through the door.

"Um, Eddie!" You called out. He turned towards you his glistening torso facing you. His wild curls framing his face perfectly.

"Foods Ready!" You yelled before closing the door. You sat at the table trying to calm yourself down. Eddie walked in sitting at the table, his shirt unlace around his chest. You tried to keep your eyes on your plate.

"Thank you for this. It's delicious." Eddie said whole chewing his food. You nodded glancing up at him, he smiled at you once you made eye contact.

Eddie knew what he was doing.

After the meal, Eddie told you stories about mythical creatures. You sat next to him and listened. He moved his hands when he talked causing you to follow them. Your eyes grew tired and his voice was too soothing. You drifted off, "Are you asleep?" He sounded partially offended. Your eyes shot open, "Sorry!". He chuckled, "It's fine, go get some sleep. Thank you for your kindness. It's been truly wonderful.". You smiled, "Of course!", You stood up to go into your room.

"Night, Eddie."

"Goodnight. I'll be leaving early in the morning. So, I wish to see you again." He smiled.

"I hope to see you again also." You cracked your bedroom door.

Eddie laid back covering himself with a lavender blanket you lent him. The fire was still going to keep the house warm. He would look towards your room. Between the crack of the door he saw you change. You bare back towards him, he gulped watching you closely. You slid a night gown on and blew out your candle going to bed.

As he said, in the morning he was gone. The blanket he used was folded neatly. Your heart dropped hoping he would stay. You planned on returning to him.

[servantofthefates]

5 Reasons You Cannot Relate to Your Sun Sign

1) You are on the cusp.

Participation Trophy mentality stops many from accepting this truth: When you are on the cusp, the “invading” sign dilutes or waters down your Sun sign. It is a matter of common sense. Add a bit of white to red, and you get pink. A gorgeous color in itself. But it is not red.

Similarly, adding a bit of Libra or Sagittarius to Scorpio creates a personality that is different from a “pure” or “concentrated” Scorpio identity.

Whether that is positive or negative is up to you. You can look at it as, “The white weakened the red” or “The white made the red unique”.

2) Your divine parent does not rule your Sun sign.

If you are not a Greco-Roman pagan like me, the sacred concept of divine parents is what regular astrology calls dominant planets.

If your Sun is in Scorpio, the Zodiac sign ruled by Pluto, but it is Venus, for example, who has a dominant presence in your natal chart, then her energies of peace and harmony will trump Pluto’s forceful and intense essence in your personality.

However, since the Sun sign takes prominence when calculating one’s divine parent, this does not happen often.

3) Your mental health is compromised.

A great dancer whose knees are currently injured cannot display her dancing prowess. An amazing singer who has tonsillitis cannot exhibit the beauty of his voice. And a Scorpio who has been abused cannot find her usual strength.

When trauma, chronic stress or emotional damage is present, your ability to embody your Sun sign’s truths is affected.

But once the dancer’s knees have healed, she can glide again. Once the singer’s throat is cured, he can belt again. And once the turmoil in your mind has subsided, you will feel your Scorpion powers again.

4) You are skeptical about astrology.

If you are actively trying to discredit a philosophy, you will find it very easy. Before my elders convinced me about astrology, I used to say, “Well, my dad and brother are essentially the same person. But one is a Leo and the other is an Aries. Therefore Zodiac signs are stupid.” and “I am anything but soft and fluffy. So there is no way I am a Water dominant like my chart says.”

But when I started to read our family journals, I learned that astrology is not denying at all how similar Leo and Aries are. They are both Fire and they are rivals. I also learned that strong Water signs actually have command of their feelings, and it is only the weak ones who are slaves to their emotions.

When your mind is not open to all the facets of your Sun sign, it is easy to dismiss all affinity with it.

5) You do not know your real birthday.

Believe it or not, it happens all too often where I come from. Catholicism places a lot of restraints on how a woman should behave.

A querent of mine was already pregnant when she got married to her husband. They hid the baby from the world for three months. The boy’s birthday is actually much earlier than what is written on his birth certificate.

Less intense are the cases of orphans. Rarely do their guardians or adoptive parents know their true birthdays.

Despite what others would have you believe, evaluating personalities based on the Sun sign alone is useful and valid. But if you feel detached from your Sun sign’s identity, one of the above could be the culprit.

[deafeningbelieverdreamland]

(Part 1 of 2) Presenting a new species spotlight…!The undead have risen! Find out about all things zombie and zombie like! From viruses to parasites to just necromancied servants here is everything Omegaverse wise about them. Keep in mind that as usual this is a generalization of them so it will most likely be true for most of them but can’t cover all types in depth as that would be reserved for another post. First things first… Modified mouths? Their bite force is a little stronger in comparison to the average human or any other species that is infected and thus all the second genders have a boost. So essentially the power order is about the same so no real changes there just something to note. However what was changed is the strength in the urge to bite… And bond bite! Most zombies lean towards acting on their instincts. Thus if you find yourself in a well, intimate situation it’s best to wear something they can’t bite into. Tactical gear for the bedroom lmao. They have varying degrees of intelligence so because this is a generalized species spotlight I won’t speak much on that. Surprisingly, they seek out a mate and still reproduce! A singular mate most commonly which the reason as to why is not well known. Very loyal mates up to a point. Because if their mate does die they will eventually move on and find another. It usually takes months afterwards. Though this only applies to the other second genders because it has been observed when an omega’s mate dies it simply doesn’t seek any more mates and will turn aggressive at any advancements towards it. Ah yes while on the topic of mating their heat/rut cycles also function a little differently! They’re actually very infrequent and only pop up once every 3 months and last for a mere two days for each second gender! Crazy I know. That and they all no matter what typically have only one pup at a time! Though in the case of omegas they can have up to 5! Omegas yet again being an exception. Oh, forgot to mention this earlier but zombies also bond bite kinda where ever they can get their teeth on. Also! Even if nothing mixes with a zombie; if a zombie and a zombie mate their pup has a chance of coming out discolored. What do I mean by this? Well, sometimes instead of the typical skin tones or fur patterns their hosts have they can be born all kinds of hues! No one is sure why this specifically happens when it’s a zombie on zombie combination but it does. It also happens to any race or species that is zombified! The only requirements for a chance at this happening is that they’re both fully zombified and have been like that for at least two of their full heat/rut cycles. Mysterious and also doesn’t seem to impact anything other than looks. Oh and coming back to fangs, they become unaligned and longer. Not to mention sharper. They also drool more during their heats/ruts for more chance of infecting their target! You can easily tell when they’re in heat/rut because of this and their body temperature also warms up! Still pretty cold though just not ice. Ah now for their nest/den/master bedroom/fortress habits. For the alphas their dens are typically huge. Taking up a building easily. This is probably due to the fact that alphas often group together and hunt together more frequently than the other second genders. Living with each other and their mates inside. Beta males actually don’t have any master bedrooms and only their female counterparts do. Also the female betas master bedroom is typically smaller and with fewer things inside as possible and prefer not a lot of bed space. If it’s one thing zombies hate it’s obstacles lol. For Marquesses and Marchionesses their fortresses easily take up an entire room. And as usual, it has to be pitch black! No lights allowed! For omegas they aren’t particular they can nest just about anywhere. They also don’t need as much nesting material. For the tyrant betas and alphas they have the same habits as the beta males. Now as for tyrant omegas… They control huge territories and consider it as their master bedroom. (To be continued…)

[ottspot]

What In The World Is Sonic Origins Plus?? My Predictions

I'm back on my Badnik bullcrap, everybody. Today, we return to the very subject that started this blog off: Sonic Origins, but in a way I did not expect to happen. Sonic Origins might be getting DLC in the near future. Recently it was discovered that Korean ratings board had the game "Sonic Origins Plus" listed, with the same naming scheme as Sonic Mania's updated re-release, "Sonic Mania Plus".

This is something not everyone expected, but once word of the listing popped up speculation went rampant. Was this an update to fix all the bugs? Are we getting playable Amy and Metal Sonic? Well, today I'm going to be sharing what I think is going to be included in this DLC, along with what else might happen. Let's get started!

Games being "leaked" this way aren't that uncommon. In December a trademark was filed in the UK for a remaster of "We Love Katamari", and that turned out to be true, with its reveal in this month's Nintendo Direct. With things like this, it's only a matter of waiting until it's officially revealed to learn more about it.

So in the meantime, let's all put on our tinfoil hats and pray that we have playable Amy and Metal Sonic, and completely remastered versions of Knuckles' Chaotix, Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine, Sonic 3D Blast and Sonic R.

...Naaaah, I'm just messing with you. Those are obviously a bit outlandish, especially with the other games. It takes time to remaster Sonic games like how they've been doing it, especially with something like 3D Blast and R. Let's actually get into some of my predictions.

Firstly, the subtitle of "Plus" leads me to believe that Sonic Origins will be receiving a physical release like Sonic Mania Plus, and eventually having reprints that remove the downloadable content... for some reason. A physical release of this collection is something that fans have been asking for, and hopefully this means there will actually be one.

Like with most DLC these days, there will be an update to add compatibility with the content once it's been purchased. I assume this update will include lots more bug fixes, mainly in Sonic 3's Marble Garden Zone where debris keeps falling down even after the rumbling has stopped. I expect them to add in extra filter modes like Sonic Mania's as well, like a clear no-blur filter and the different CRT screen styles. I also hope for clearer music in Sonic 3 as well, or even the restoration of the original remastered music in Sonic 1 and 2's mobile versions.

As for the DLC itself, I'm not entirely sure of what it will contain. Sonic Mania's Encore DLC had the new Encore Mode, Mighty the Armadillo and Ray the Flying Squirrel (from the SegaSonic The Hedgehog arcade game) as new playable characters in said mode, difficulty tweaks, a new special stage, and a new competition mode. I could see new characters like Amy and Metal Sonic happening, and of course Mighty and Ray wouldn't be hard to implement at all, but anything else, I'm not entirely sure of.

One thing that I've seen tossed around is having emulated versions of other games included, like some of the ones I mentioned earlier. I could see this as a possibility, as it's significantly easier to emulate games like Sonic R, 3D Blast, and Knuckles' Chaotix, although it's important that they get someone who is an expert with emulation to get it all working right. A company like M2 would be perfect for the job, as they have experience with emulating many of Sega's titles on other platforms, and also did great work with the Sega Ages series on the PlayStation 2. I can also see some criticism coming from this. Some people would probably like to have those games in their own collection and not have Origins as a required game to play them.

Hell, maybe it'll have some sort of 3D menu system like Sonic Jam. That would be fun to play around in, I'm sure.

In the end, though, I have no clue what this new DLC will bring us. More than anything, I just hope it has the necessary bug fixes to make this the definitive way to play these classic Sonic games. And more of them too, if Sega is feeling generous.

Thanks for reading once again! Writing about this specific game is strangely fun for me, and it's nice to revisit.

Next up: My First Impressions of Metroid Prime Remastered... Way Better Than I Thought!

[telomeke]

Thanks for tagging me @rocketturtle4! 🥰 This is all so interesting to read! I just wish I'd started watching BMF earlier instead of binging almost two months in.

And excellent point about how the characters at the start of the series were all just passively letting life roll over and by them, instead of actively participating in it and influencing their own destinies. I sensed this with Kawi but hadn't noticed that it applied to all the others as well, so thanks for sharing this insight! 😍

No predictions (I've always tended to be wrong – at least that's how it was when I watched Bad Buddy) although I do have a list of things I would love to see happen and/or cleared up.

Be My Favorite makes a case for not being fixated on the past (especially since – for most of us – we can't change it); in Kawi's case he had to learn the lesson that even when given a chance to change course, some things will still not turn out the way you want (e.g., with the lottery, and with saving his father's life). The LGBTQ+ reading is that you should always live your best life, true to yourself; anything less is inauthentic and bound for some sort of failure, which is why we saw Kawi and Pisaeng the happiest when they stopped denying their true feelings (Pisaeng pulling back from a straight marriage; Kawi – chaotic as usual – finally acknowledging that he preferred Pisaeng to Pear).

Loong Crystal Ball (I love @waitmyturtles' name for him) is still mysterious and I hope they tell us who he really is. The series hasn't shown us that people can move physically in time to interact with their past selves as separate people, only Kawi and Pisaeng jumping back into the consciousness of their past selves. So it's unlikely he's Kawi from the future, though I wish he were. But when LCB first appeared he was dressed in similar colors to Kawi; both of them also wore suspenders in another early scene, though it wasn't the first one. Maybe it's just a red herring... Anyway, I'm still puzzled as to why LCB was so pleased when Pisaeng refused his offer of help with his car breakdown at the end of Ep.8 [4/4], and was likewise so pleased when Kawi snapped out of his self-pitying funk to help him with the bus route the first they met in Ep.1 [2/4]. It seems like people taking the active role, and not passively submitting themselves to the vagaries of life, is what he's signaling as the way to go.

Anyway we've also been told that the time-travel music box will expire at some point. Maybe this means both Pisaeng and Kawi will have to move forward from where we last saw them, not knowing how things will turn out because they can't jump to the future and take a peek. But with the lessons they've learnt, they will live much more mindfully, taking steps to steer the ship of their lives as active captains rather than captive passengers adrift on a rudderless boat. And hopefully they will steer that ship to a world where equality reigns. 😍

Be My Favorite - Final clowning before the finale - building on the themes of the show

Look I know I already posted after ep 11 but I have less than 24 hours before I get to watch the finale and my brain is whirling

Okay so I wrote this and in writing this the end did not go where I was expecting it to go so I'm 1 tagging more people in case y'all want to read and 2 telling you to feel free to skip down to 'so what do I think is going to happen' because I was kind of getting my brain in order before that.

(Added in at the end, this went way further than I thought so I'm tagging people based off my own interactions and @twig-tea's posts @grapejuicegay @lurkingshan @dribs-and-drabbles @williamrikers @waitmyturtles @stuffnonsenseandotherthings @pandasmagorica @benkaaoi @thegalwhorants @telomeke @ginnymoonbeam @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle I'm not really building on a lot of other peoples meta specifically so I was unsure about tagging people, sorry if I didn't tag you and you wanted to be or I did and you didn't want to be)

Back after episode 5 I put forth the following hypothesis:

My Original Hypothesis: Kawi is going to be faced with the ultimate choice of remaining in the past or the present when the crystal ball runs out of charge and he will choose to remain in the past where he must face his uncertain future.

I also posited that the time travel was a metaphor for being unable to skip ahead in life without consequences. and that

Kawi and the people around him freeze in their character development whenever he jumps forward, so maybe his present is actually in the past.

Last episode

Now a lot of this has already played out, and Kawi kind of ultimately decided to stay in the past Last episode before that future got erased (if it did, there has been some compelling speculation around this please see @twig-tea's meta round up) I'm going off it got erased.

The difference last episode was that the future that got erased was one that was actually lived out (like Kawi's OG future) rather than one that got jumped ahead too.

This by the way is why I still feel reasonably strongly that Kawi and Piseang are only similar levels now despite Piseangs future knowledge (provided the timeline is significantly altered which my current thoughts say it will be).

Now what I actually want to talk about is that I still firmly believe that the crystal balls own limits will come into play. (okay so I do believe this but my thoughts kind of wandered in a different direction)

Choosing our Present

This show has been incredibly smart, and the emphasis on Kawi choosing his own present is something I still feel will come into play, even if it's a combined choice between Kawi and Piseang in Ep 12

[Images of Old Guy saying: Think less about the future...make the most of the present...but first you should be sure where your present is]

Now half the reason I made my original long post (after ep 5) was because lots of people were speculating about Kawi eventually choosing to live on in uncertainty in the future and I honestly think with Piseang on equal grounds this is more likely than I thought it was back in ep 5. Even though it's still not my preferred theory.

(honestly there is so many good ways this show could end that I wasn't going to bother to make a post but thoughts were whirling so here we are)

Also we do not know if the Crystal Ball allows TWO PEOPLE TO TRAVEL - if it did I feel like this would be more okay??

(Just to be clear I don't know if anyone has speculated about them travelling together but it's something I'd been speculating about to myself lol)

So if Kawi and Piseang do go the route of staying in the future ONE OF THEM WILL HAVE TO TAKE THE LONG ROAD.

Now that they are both aware and have come back, once Piseang tells Kawi the truth (which I believe he will do early in the Ep) if they do decide to go forward WHAT does this mean for the frozenness/consciousness implications???

this is a key reason I think the past may be the ultimate choice, they both had to live forward slowly once and jump back, If Piseang were to jump forward with Kawi KNOWING of this jump, I just don't think it would ever be the same.

I am aware jumping forward had memory fill in but I just feel like the show, to me, has made it pretty clear that jumping forward is like skipping ahead and the time's in between are only half remembered and beyond your control.

Even if Piseang has already lived them...he won't ACTUALLY HAVE LIVED THEM...to me anyway.

So what do I think is going to happen?

there may be one more jump forward (&back in my opinion) by Piseang as he tries to go the route of fixing the future

If he jumps back to the future IT WILL BE MEANINGFULLY DIFFERENT (Maybe he and Kawi won't be together anymore) so he'll go back again

as for the rest, I'm sticking with my original post-ep11 prediction, but I also expand on it more below

Fighting for our Future by Fighting in the Present

Like maybe they've both had a chance to live to the future, and now they have to fight for a better one? Our adorable relationship montage didn't include much fighting and given we had the LGBTQIA+ POWER Episode a few weeks ago that got everyone up and writing, I feel like the message in the last episode could focus back in on these themes in a way that would be INCREDIBLY satisfying. Especially now they've BOTH been to the future and come back.

I can see how thematically Piseang staying in the past now may feel unfulfilling, like he only got a do-over because of magic, but personally, the message that I have felt most strongly through the show is about the dangers of being passive so let me explain:

None of our characters were fighting for what they wanted in the OG future:

Max had given up and gone overseas

Piseang had given up and was marrying Pear

Who knows how Pear felt but Piseang didn't actually love her so she may have felt like she was settling even if it wasn't conscious

Kawi has just given up entirely

(Kwan and Not were probably in a horribly unfulfilling one sided friends with benefits arrangement but who knows)

We have seen that Kawi coming back and choosing not to be passive has had a huge impact on everyone's lives.

When Kawi and Piseang get together they sort of move back into passivity

@bengiyo in particular has pointed out that Kawi doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot in his domestic bliss, now there's nothing wrong with that but this show has SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT FIGHTING FOR QUEER RIGHTS I just feel like the happy montage is meant to feel off because they've stopped fighting

Piseang and Kawi have achieved their personal goals but what about the goals of all queers?

And then what happens? Kawi get's seriously sick and Piseang is not considered his family because outside their perfect bubble of calm the world hasn't agreed that they're equal

There was an unrelated tumblr post that circled through my dash this week about how the priorities of queer people changed with the AIDS epidemic and the death of a lot of people. The voices of the minority stopped saying: take us as we are, and started saying: we'll be whatever you want.

I feel like epiosde 11 was kind of accidently tied into this. Kawi and Piseang have got their bliss and live in it. Yet when push comes to shove their bliss is shattered by not being considered each others family because in a way, they kind of stopped fighting.

There is a lot of division right now, and things seem to be going backwards in some places, most prominantly the USA, People from the queer community thinking they've got what they wanted so they can stop fighting and while yes, everybody has to live their own exhausting lives already and it sucks that everyday is a struggle just because you weren't born as some sort of norm. But the fact of the matter is, change is only going to happen and keep happening if we never give in, celebrate the victories yes...but stop because our personal goal has been reached?

So ultimately I think Ep12 is about how everyone, everywhere, will keep being affected by the inequality unless we all keep fighting. that descending into passivity, (whether it be sad or blissful), will have consequences, even if those consequences are many years down the line.

That is why I think it will be satisfying if they stay in the past

That is what I think the takeaway of the show will be.

If this isn't the goal of the show then the ending will for sure be different!! I'm honestly looking forward to what it is even if I'm totally off base.

Mostly this has been the first show that I've been engaged in here on tumblr from nearly the start. It has been an absolute blast clowning with you all.