#& other than that they just love trans ppl but yknow

[asgardian--angels]

....idk in a fandom this gigantic how are people already coalescing onto a handful of popular headcanons and scenarios that just become the baseline now, when the source material gives us literally limitless possibilities to work with

[gummy-sharks666]

Sweetie, I have a new meal that I wish you to cook 😋😋😋 for the random hcs of bakugan characters.

Shun, Dan, Marucho and Billy.

Have fun!! ❤️🤩❣️

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG 🫣

Shun:

Gender: v gender-fluid/demi boy

Sexuality: I’m thinking his sexuality is also p fluid but he’s probably attracted to more fem ppl

A ship I have: haven’t seen s4 but I’ve been converted to the shunsellon agenda. They can be emo together <3 might be strange but I like shun/ace 🫣

BROTP: Dan definitely. They’ve had ups and downs together, childhood friends. A lot of ppl ship them but idk I just see them more as rlly good friends personally. Also fabia and Alice

NOTP: uhh probably Shun/Fabia. I think they’re just friends

Random hc: his favorite MCR album is Black Parade but hes too afraid to admit it bc then he’d either be called basic or he’d have to explain the reason is because of losing his mom and how the hard he relates to the lyrics

General opinion: I like him and HOO boy I shave a history with him for sure. He was def one of my faves as a child and definitely contributed to my gender crisis. Also began my love for Ventus and Ventus users. I don’t think I ever crushed on him but I wanted to be him so bad…

Dan:

Gender: someone has to be the cis male of the group, it’s him

Sexuality: bi but definitely has not explored his attraction to masc presenting ppl as much. It takes him awhile to figure out he’s bi

A ship I have: THERAPY LMAO 💀 but fr I’d say either Spectra or Anubias, although I think those relationships would be more one sided (Dan not really noticing they’re crushing on him so damn hard). I think that’s why I like it so much too bc I’ve had MANY crushes like that before and i like angst… something something Pete Wentz lyrics be like

BROTP: Shun for sure, him and Runo strike me as the divorced couple who end up being besties after going separate ways and learning ab themselves more. Also Drago obvs

NOTP: Literally any female character in the show

Random hc: adhd for SURE

General opinion: I’d say season 1 Dan will forever be my fave. He’s a little shithead kid who gets the bomb dropped on him and he has to start reevaluating how he looks at the other people around him, but that starts to falter in the later seasons where he just becomes the stereotypical hero who gets all the buffs and does no wrong, which does his character such a disservice. I honestly like that he was such a dick in the beginning bc that’s how most kids are, but the point is they learn through meeting other people and experiencing shit. We were robbed of that for Dan after season 1 IMO. But overall he’s fine ig.

Marucho:

Gender: reads as a boy to me personally, now that I think ab it him being a trans guy is so real. Short trans kings unite 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Sexuality: his sexuality is fluid. He just likes who he likes, but I think he definitely tends to fall more for personality than looks

A ship I have: MARUREN OBVIOUSLY!! Literally one of the best things ab season 3

BROTP: Julie and Runo definitely

NOTP: uhhhhh idk honestly I haven’t seen him be shipped with too many ppl for me to be like “oh hell naw” 😭😭

Random hc: he def has a bakugan discord and probably a separate one for him and all the original brawlers from when the game first started. Him and Julie coordinate all the reunions and meetups

General opinion: I love this dude fr. He’s fucking LOADED but he’s still the sweetest kid in the universe. He’s not just hella book smart but he’s extremely emotionally intelligent too. I also relate to him with that whole gifted kid past a bit,,, hes honestly just all around a fantastic character I’m a big fan of Marucho. Def one of the best characters in the series

Billy:

Gender: yknow what,, I’m gonna say it. Billy gives me transmasc vibes

Sexuality: straight

A ship I have: Canon, but Julie. I think they’re whole backstory connection, the falling out and reconnection was really cute. I hope they have a good rest of their lives together 🫡

BROTP: Jake. I think they’d be homies. Jake is the third wheel on his and Julie’s dates

NOTP: uhhh idk honestly,,, maybe klaus 💀

Random hc: huge fan of early 2000’s pop alongside Julie

General opinion: I think he’s cool. He’s not one they expand on a whole lot but him and Julie are one of the very few straight ships I rlly like

[dreadark]

hashtag pride month

Reading some other people’s talking on gender

weird how it’s always connected with sexuality… like do I like girls in a boy way or a girl way (??) don’t get me wrong this is just ppls personal experiences so I’m not like…judging… just damn I guess I am that pathetic

Fuck I don’t know. What’s the gender diagnosis for bitches who were too ugly and awkward to have your omnipresent highschool first loves. Or college. Or,

I think a lot more people don’t experience that than … popular culture? likes to acknowledge. But at the same time because culture is like that it’s really hard for people to get that (especially if they did have that experience lol…

Or then it’s like well it’s not really a big deal. Yeah you can say that because … this is off topic. sighs

Friends too. Though that’s a bit different… I feel like I’m reading a tv script sometimes. You guys had sleepovers? Those are real?? Is it just me left out. Curse of being unforgivably ugly strikes again. I don’t have the #girl experience

Anyway. I don’t really put much stock into my identity in any sense…

In college I used to… hallucinate? Not exactly but somewhere between daydream and delusion… that I was just an unlucky ghost possessing this shitty body so even if I died I’d just be stuck there until I got drawn into someone else. Samsara. Looking at “my” body in third person I’d try to will myself out of it but I always failed

Well I don’t like my body. Obviously. I don’t want to be associated with it in any way. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to change it but I just don’t want it at all so that wouldn’t help. I have a habit of calling it ugly but … maybe that was self-deprecation but now I genuinely don’t care. My personality is enough to be unable to connect with people let’s not pretend it’s my face

I used to want to dye my hair but now I think that’d be too much of a hassle… is this depression. jk as we know I’m perfectly neurotypical (tm)

I guess if I had a choice I’d rather be born the other way (lol) but that’s just because periods suck. Don’t really think I have strong opinions on the gendered parts otherwise

I mean really who would deal with those willingly (ok actually recently I learned trans women have periods which??? This is gonna sound stupid but I was like damn being able to be a woman without that must be like the ideal experience (ignoring… yknow the rest of the experience) but apparently it’s not even that wtf. How did the human body get out of beta testing it sucks)

it doesn’t matter right. If I look the same and act the same and I don’t even really hate being thought of as woman (I’d rather most people assume that than actually know me…) then being nonbinary amounts to as much change as a ctrl f replace on all the pronouns. Surface level. Except I don’t even put prounouns anywhere lol

(Kinda related note but the idea of coming out is utterly unrelatable … but I’m going to sleep now actually….)

Of course there’s nothing for the thing “like me” because it doesn’t… matter? It’d be like making a movie about a picture that got moved slightly to the left and it didn’t reveal any secret passenge. Do people even notice the difference? I mean, is there a point? It’s just boring

Maybe if I was in more pain it’d matter. But as every supposed problem of “mine” I’m not so it doesn’t. My usual dull existence

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

do u ever feel like such an overwhelming love 4 other queer ppl bc like. man. id never rlly worried much abt like Ohhh finding people who r like me bc its honestly been easy enough but like. recently when ive felt like ive spent way too much fucking time around my family. just knowing like. theres so many ofus:) and ;lie. were all having a good time. and theres ppl who exist who like. arent even trans but will just be fucking cool w me being trans. bc like. its so exhasuting being around my dad all the time. and feeling guilty 4 not being his daughter even tho i dont even want to be his son. id rather he was never my dad. but thats besides the point. its exhausting dealing w that all day so just. the fucking relief. of being trans around other trans people or cis allies is just. honestly it feels even better being around cis allies bc its like. You will never fully understand me. but youre like. youre awesome. i have this one teacher at my school whos a drama teacher so i dont have him because i dont take drama. but hes the only teacher there who is openly gay and even tho hes cis hes been so fucking nice abt me bein trans. bc i used 2 go to him sometimes when i had no fucking clue how to deal w transphobia n shit and he was so fucking nice. in just a ways of being a decent guy yknow. like he actually DID something abt the ppl in my school who were tryna hurt me physically n shit rather than just kinda sit back n watch like all the other teachers like. and im just like. dude. fuck. and just. god im so fucking thankful 4 every cis person who is just fuckin kind 2 trans ppl like i KNOW this website is all like grrr aaa nasty cis people we love the trans we hate the cis grrr but like. man i fucking am so thankful everytime i know a cis person just fuckin like. idk is a nice person. idec if theyre doin shit abt transphobia or not, as long as theyre being nice 2 trans people i will forever love them. man. i need to get out of this house haha

[possibilistfanfiction]

Love this happy little universe (with sprinkles of angst). Mostly I just love reading anything where they get to take care of each other and make each other feel seen and most importantly safe. I feel like protecting trans folks can be so many small things in addition to the big major things. Can you share, just HCs or ficlets, whichever you're up for, some of the little things that Vi or Jinx do to make things better/safer/funner for our trans homies?

well i think it goes without saying that if anyone was ever being blatantly & openly transphobic in front of either vi or jinx or both, they would physically beat the shit out of them lol (rightfully so)

but that doesn’t happen often or ever lol so smaller things off the top of my head

- when they’re growing up ekko gets all of vi & mylo’s hand-me-downs he likes. jinx gets second pick (sry babygirl) but that also means she gets some new stuff of her own (score) bc she likes feminine stuff & rly no one bigger than her does. it’s v cute, vander & benzo mend of all the rips & tears. when they’re older i imagine he & jinx learn to make some of their own clothes, always fun

- jinx is rly rly sad she missed ekko’s first t shot — she was at the height of like psychosis & unhoused & just p estranged from her family until vi eventually gets through to her after she gets out of prison. but so ekko started t during that time & jinx is obviously THRILLED once she’s lucid enough to talk to him abt it, but she loves him & wanted to be there for such a cool moment he’s looked forward to (& they looked forward to together) for so long. so she throws a little party on some anniversary (6 months?) & builds a bunch of silly contraptions to hold the vial & sharps etc. he doesn’t like needles so she offers to help him w his shots & it becomes a weekly occurrence that turns into smth rly fun & beautiful, they love that time spent together. jinx might have a hard time remembering her meds but she literally never forgets his shots. they have a party every year too, tradition

- once vi is p firmly feeling good at her station in the fire department, she asks her captain (grayson? why not) if she can host some free community self defense & frontline medic classes. other friends at the department have volunteered & are excited abt the idea too, she’s come up w a whole very detailed & organized pitch. it’s rly rad & so approved immediately. one of the classes vi’s rly into is a self defense class for trans women & femmes, so it’s just a safe space & rly wonderful. she co-teaches it w one of her trans buddies in the department

- my FAVORITE tiny vi headcanon is that sometimes she’ll be running errands & end up at the pharmacy & (obviously eventually) pick up jinx’s mental health meds, ekko’s t, & cait’s e all at the same time bc she’s there. at first the pharmacist is a little concerned bc … lol, but then they’re for different ppl & vi is just helping out. idk it’s so endearing

- cait runs a queer & trans climbing group & so when they start dating jinx & vi help a lot w that — gear, time, transportation, rigging & cleaning routes (last one truly is a labor of love lol). it’s rly fun

- i genuinely don’t rly think vi or jinx care abt pronouns for themselves (jinx: idc what pronouns you use for me as long as you’re saying smth nice, otherwise why are you talking abt me at all). but they’re v mindful of other ppl’s pronouns & (especially when they’re in queer spaces) making sure intros include them

- honestly i haven’t thought much abt surgeries or whatever other than cait had most/all of her desired gender affirming care procedures before she & vi met, but whatever appointments are on the calendar, vi always asks if she’d like an advocate to come along etc. it’s particularly sweet bc a) vi’s done that for jinx for years; b) cait… literally runs every hospital in their city including gender affirming care programs lol, she hand-picked her doctor (a friend from med school she loves). cait always says yes, if vi’s free & she’d like to come she’s more than welcome

[poems-of-a-lover]

I really like that thing you wrote about being excited for top surgery . I'm a cis guy and I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to that stuff but I feel like I have a better grasp on mtf stuff. I know there'll always be a disconnect and I can't really feel someone else's feelings but the desire to change from presenting as a man to a woman is easier to visualize as a man. I can't imagine desiring for physically male traits because, as a man, I already have them. But I really felt genuine empathy and what understanding I could from that post. Like, not just desiring change and acceptance but, more than that, desiring to put yourself out there for acceptance. That excitement to be the self you've always been on the inside; outside. Gaining that confidence to express yourself, as you've always wanted to express yourself, to someone is so powerful to me. Even if the reason behind it is inherently somewhat alien. I'm really ignorant on this stuff so it feels nice to resonate with something I don't understand. It weirdly made me emotional. I can understand some of those feelings when applied to other things but seeing them applied to something that I felt like I *couldn't* understand made me realize that it's more that I *wouldn't*. Anyways, sorry for the wall of text or if I said anything stupid.

THIS IS SO SWEET????? HUH??????? im so glad that helped u connect and understand it more!!! if u ever have any questions or whatever my inbox is always open, altho i can only comment on like. my experience. since every trans guy views their identity and their transition differently, yknow? for me its pretty complicated bc im starting to think abt how i wanna medically transition and how im able to do that, so im workin thru that, but bein able to outwardly be myself one day is what has been mainly keepin me goin! im so excited to be able to portray myself the way i see myself in my head. im really glad u were able to resonate with that post tho, its really nice to see! thank u for ur thoughts i love seein how ppl interpret things i say its so cool fjskhfjkds again im always here for questions at least abt my experience and how i interpret myself and my identity and stuff!! =D!!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

always hold in my heart the one hero in some post Comment who was like yeah i've had orgasms but i don't like or enjoy them, makes me feel worse than if i hadn't had one. like paradigm shifting icon when that is the Onlyyyy info i've seen where, you know, spoilers for Everything about "so getting one off / orgasms doesn't go Normal for you already?" is like well okay so sounds like you'd want a Guide To Success (Achieve Normal) right, & it's uhh well just try many different things & go with what seems to be working. but Don't Stress It you're probably ruining it with all your stressing it. & then uhh never give up. try again. & then you'll know it when you have an orgasm about it, beautiful times. like yeah sure but again there's this hero that is like yeah for me i "succeed" already by Reaching Orgasm as that goal proffered every time & they're shit to me actually. & like again only this One time i've seen such a testimonial which feels just like how i've only ever found One article about "how's sex go as an Autistic Experience" that's, yknow, people talking about how sex goes for them as an autistic experience & not any posts or papers pathologizing autistic people & their inevitably Non Normative sexuality. or how like random online user to online user / second or third hand Yeah I've Seen/Heard Tell testimonials can have like any of even vague basic info about like trans experiences & stats....the lively sex ed type info too that's like oh i've only heard of this via like a pdf or online zine from resources that are being more Descriptive than Prescriptive like well this would be the ideal / norm, while yknow of course encompassing Variation & info abt what Varies along w/them

which also, thinking about the informal sort of idea of the phenomenon of like ah the asexually authored porn, hell yeah....which yknow well yeah like with other forms of queerness like a Non Normative perspective on / relationship w/sexuality? why wouldn't that contribute to material abt sex being fresh & vivacious for its Unexpectedness in this difference from The Norm. & being less contained, like, well outside the Normative you will find only: absolutely everything ever, so that's helpful. like certainly for me if i'm Making Material sex doesn't really have to do with romance much less hinge on it, & neither does anything else, & while that doesn't at all preclude like oh is this about A Dynamic (like it Becomes about one if it's people having sex, certainly. & yes, usually) does it involve Affection or any Emotional Intimacy. meanwhile also like yeah at any given point it's like & this isn't necessarily about "how does this fit into / relate to The Road To Orgasm" versus the Immediate experience in & of itself regardless of if it's like but if ppl might not nut from this isn't it a waste of time, now back to speedrunning? for one thing even if it was, not a disaster, whoa since when can there be errors in the trials....meanwhile i doubt any which ways i'm like "& this is some moment of emotional intimacy / affection yeah" involves like external or even internal cues that they "should," nobody's about to be like Eye Contact Neow, don't know that i've ever said like someone Felt Love, maybe fondness if we're going wild. meanwhile writing someone getting themself off, that too is a sex scene. meanwhile was even a shakeup in a recent wip like well have this person's reaction to their own arousal be physically expressed with the Nads, i sure do deliberately go with the sense of overstimulation & resultant stimming that isn't just the "normal" kinds during sex, while also like, see above, letting people operate Outside [this is Normal kinds of good overstimulation to me] like, dialing it back, enjoying something that is of a Sexual Interaction that may not seem like the key to, or having any expectation at all of this or anything leading to, orgasm

honorable mention about the wins of being Non Normative with it, always been an endorsement really when seeing the odd post about So Reading Erotica, Right, & like one on twitter back in the day like "how about the word 'cock'" & someone's qrt like eww noo Cock is so reminiscent of Your Trashy Déclassé Porn vs My Genteel Tasteful Erotica. or "so how about 'cum' or do you 'come'" & someone like eww noo Cum is so reminiscent of Your Trashy Déclassé Sex vs My Genteel Tasteful Passionate Entwining or whatever like fascinating indicators there about how you describe the Beneath You sexual situations in which people cum rather than come. i.e. taking out my notepad like gotcha writing "COCK ✓" and "CUM ✓" like good to know, not even difficult like it is with a bunch of other Terms where it's like ehh the problem isn't this isn't Too Sexual to be Genteel it's that it's like not sexual enough lol like you're caught between more casual terms that are kind of unserious B/c there's any association with sex like the secret body parts, or else like yeah kind of talking around something or using some more generic terms (which, see: perspex of transness sometimes) is there for you but coordinating on more delicate(tm) terms can be like, eh. like, a difference in not using hypothetical existent Specific Terms & being more descriptive & specific in that way instead, vs using a different Specific Term that's supposed to be euphemistic. although as a fun bonus the reason i find some available terms gross isn't b/c like oh this conjures an unromantic lustful hookups rather than emotionally Earned beautiful dignified intercourse, but b/c i don't like the word Phonetically. like it is Unprosodous. grating to hear & i don't wanna even write it thus mentally hear it. some that are kinda in a middle zone & i might tolerate if need be / on special occasions but casual colloquialisms & a knack for like hey that sounds horrible. like look it's better than e.g. "infodump" not b/c of the phonetics but b/c yknow nobody needs the pathologization but it pains me to see [yap] anything but Rarely. yak is just fine. asmr ads are painful, faux asmr evocation for jokes is just fine. me being pained b/c [misophonia] is then not set off by people trying to double down on it by exaggerating what they think bothers me b/c it then doesn't sound the same. anyway

speaking of tangents, i did just punt this into the drafts but then i read a Love Poem(tm) that was like alright but i was like eugh & then remembered the No Love but perhaps cock cum cunt posting like well we could always use some more of that. & it's also humorous to me like no surprise the audhd nature of My Mind applies to cranking it & my body just not doing orgasms & the thing is i do not care b/c like why would i. The Horrors like you get one doubloon But you have no sex drive, do you take the deal? like well it wouldn't matter to you then if perhaps you didn't want to have sex b/c, you see, you wouldn't want to have sex....but it's also classic like so if/when i'm bothering to get off in a fashion like well it inevitably gets to the "well anyway back to speedrunning" within like one or perhaps a dedicated five minutes or smthing & probably just via fizzling out b/c my body also just doesn't like build up or retain Stimulation really at all but also the way i can absolutely on a dime be like "oh wait hey i'm on a mental tangent all at once" & whatever there was is dropped like a rock like from whatever probably low levels to immediate zero lol, of course like the parallels to mentally dropping prior threads that aren't particularly linked w/Physical Sensations like what was i Just thinking about 5 sec ago / in the process of following up on before i had this "hey wait, another thought" tangent? who knows, unless you can backtrack. & i'm probably not gonna bother backtracking for Eh [So So hand gesture] jorking it such as it were, b/c like well that's what it generally is & even in unusually "successful" instances it's like, that was like kicking it up a notch for < half a minute or something, & it won't have been b/c of like ah the idea of normative sex/uality Saves The Day. & nothing needs saving b/c it's like yeah that's fine. "at best" like unusual relative mental flow about things it's still simply kicked up that notch or two for a minute or two if even & that is fine. like with the other sort of mental patterns i do not know if uppers would be like whoa more "normal" focus & flow? but i don't need to know like Not Relevant & that it is what it already is is fine. just like with the "yeah i get orgasms & i don't like to" icon, the paradigm is not "oh nooo how to get more Normative or bust (CUM)" so c'est la se quoi....& now back to speedrunning

[tboyluvtgirls]

Hi finn! Second ask i've done! (Can i claim 🌻? If its not taken)

I know its different than the normal asks you get but you are a very gender affirming person to me and i appreciate you

Sorry thats sappy

-🌻

omggg this ask made me realize i forgot to add 🌻 in my pinned !!!! (if u are the og then keep it !!!! just search 🌻 on my blog n you should see the ask)

that is the sweetest thing i’ve ever heard <33333 i am so so happy i can be that for you omg <3333

now IM gonna get sappy—i’ve always felt super undesirable being, yknow, me (black, trans, chubby, etc) and it makes me so so happy that not only so many ppl like chatting with me and find me sexy but that i can be a gender affirming person to others <333 like, really means the world to me

love this little community !!!!! love all of you guys !!!!!!! trans love !!!!!

[justalilpearlie]

Hi I’m the ⭐️ mod in the mcyt ship acc I wanted you to know I didn’t post the majormoon not because I’m mad or anything I was worried people would be really mean to you 🫶

Also you don’t have to post this ask dw, it wouldn’t let me private message you so I’m sending an ask instead lol,

I just wanted you to know some people get a little hostile with the majormoon ship and I didn’t want them to do anything to you because I hate when people harass other people, and since Scott’s gay I knew people may get fiesty so I wanted to let you know I was trying to make sure you weren’t jumped at all especially since the account is semi big (not that big but it has 200 plus followers) and I didn’t want any of them to harass you 🫶

man I had written a fucking essay abt how much i love majormoon and it got deleted. Oh well

TL;DR: i make my best to make it be known i headcanon pearl as ftm bigender gendervoid verinix and queer. Fem presenting but still mlm. Aka i only ship majormoon as a yaoi gay male x male man loving man ship. Its my whole branding and its huge projection of my own relationship w one of my partners. I give pearl the same pronouns and labels as me (except i dont use she/her unless close, she does use he/she/moon/void (and she/he/sun/light in empires). So basicly if anyone goes "oh but pearl is a woman" when i clarify i hc him as trans its not only transphobic but invalidating my experience as a gay man in a relationship w a men.

And if rather if u post it and like. Yknow respond to people if they do harass me telling them not to? Its ur acc and i think u shouldnt allow harassment over a harmless ship, yknow, take action

Either way im super used to harassment, sadly

Im not mad at u btw, i see where u were coming from and i appreciate it, but i think i have as much right to have my asks awnsered than other people

Anyways, Pearlie irl (he/xe) the majormoon yaoi CEO, out <3

(Again thanks for the consideration but if ppl do harass me in the comment i think its the blog owner's responsability to tell the people not to? I have every right to share my mind abt majormoon like any other shipper. Scott is a gay man, pearl is afab and fem presenting yeah, but still bigender gendervoid in my books, aka NOT A WOMAN. gay is non-women loving non-women for a reason, no?)

[gibbearish]

just took your uquiz lol! about being trans! what do you think it could mean if I wanted to be a guy but didn’t really mind being who i am? it’s not even any guy, it’s like specific guys (like actors,. I don’t know). Sometimes people say they’d rather be an ugly guy than a good looking woman, and I couldn’t relate less. Part of the reason I’m so scared about this (and it’s a big part) is that I’m just so terrified of being ugly. I’m finally conventionally attractive after years of trying to be, and now I’m scared I won’t be anymore. I’m wondering if maybe the first time i thought i was trans i went about it the wrong way (i was obsessed w masculinity, cut my hair, things like that). And is it even worth it doing anything about it if I’m not dysphoric? I’m also very scared about the finding someone to love me and also losing all my friends and family thing (100% will happen). This whole maybe not ever finding a guy to love me thing is really bothering me, too. You can ignore this I’m just venting a lot. Sorry.

hey friend! i think it could help out a lot if you looked into the idea of gender euphoria. the quick description essentially is the opposite of dysphoria, where rather than "being x makes me feel bad," its "being x makes me feel good". there's been a lot of discourse about this over the years and you will still find people out there who will be shitty, but as someone with dysphoria, i have always fallen firmly on the "you do not need dysphoria to be trans" side of things. i believe that if it makes you happy to be a specific way, you shouldnt have to hate being the way you are to be allowed to pursue that. i dont have to turn down a cheesecake just because i don't hate poundcake, suffering is not a requirement to get to the things that make you happy.

i will also say, to me it does sound like a lot of this struggle is based around your ideals irt attractiveness, and while that is very human, it sounds like you also know that your relationship with that is somewhat unhealthy? like, yes, people by and large want others to think they look nice, but that shouldnt come between you loving the body you're in. there are billions of people with billions of opinions and you will never be able to satisfy all of them, and if you try then all those opinions pulling in different directions will draw and quarter you lol. so to me it sounds a bit like itll be hard for you to really unravel your thoughts irt your gender until you're able to work through those hangups around attractiveness? or even that these may be something youll have to unravel in tandem

something that might help start that is next time youre feeling unattractive, rather than pulling away from that feeling or changing something about your look or wallowing in it, take some time to sit with it as a friend. ask it what's so scary about being unattractive. is it societal pressure telling you Girls Have To Be Pretty? is it your parents picking apart your appearance often? is it your friends treating you poorly because of your looks? figure out what it is that has created the unattractive=bad association in your mind, find who has been punishing you (literally or metaphorically) for looking "bad", and ask if you actually did anything wrong that deserves punishment by simply existing on your default settings, or if perhaps it wasnt actually about you at all, and was just about those peoples insecurities. when you pay attention, you start to notice that 99% of the time, attacks against others are defensiveness, they are insecure about something and something you did or said reminded them of it, so now they feel uncomfortable and want it to stop, and the way you do that is either investigate why, or take it out on someone else. and investigating why feels bad and takes a lot of time, so, yknow. path of least resistance, most people will lash out. and that does suck, but in my experience, realizing that made it a thousand times easier to not worry abt other ppls opinions' anywhere near as much. the way that i look is the way that /i/ like, not how society does, because im the one that has to live with me 24/7. society can deal with the horrific terrible burden of seeing me getting gas looking like a 1 occasionally, bc like literally how does that effect them yknow? theyre not harmed in any way by me existing and not looking how they want me to, and it would be weird for them to expect that of me because I Didnt Know They Existed Before Now so how could i possibly dress for them? and why would i?

(that can help w insecurities too ime is like. imagine someone else saying those things to you, would you think theyre an asshole and tell them to fuck off? if yes, you have permission to tell your brain the same thing)

as far as finding someone to love you, i definitely feel that fear but 1000% you have nothing to worry about. the adult queer scene is bursting to the seams with people who will want whatever it is that youre bringing to the table like a man lost in the desert for fifty years being offered a crisp mcdonalds sprite. "but what about-" yes that too. like, enough that they had to make a word specifically for cis people who Really Really Want To Date Trans People A Creepy Amount to distinguish between them and respectful ppl. i promise your dating pool is not small, you're just still in school and/or a small town and dont have access to them yet. give it time, you have decades ahead of you

as far as family and friends, honestly, yeah, you might lose them, im not gonna sugar coat that. and that sucks . so much. and i can tell you theres more people out there to befriend and that you can build a new family but id bet thatd hit about as well as it hits for me. bc truth is that yeah, you can make a new family, but that just isn't the same. there will still be a little hole in your heart reserved for the accepting and loving family and friends you deserved. and i cant really offer any advice on making that go away if thats how it turns out bc its still there for me.

but i also gotta say? the hole is a lot easier to deal with than the knife that put it there. theres still a painful spot but at least im not still actively being hurt More by them. so like im trying very hard not to just say "fuck em who needs em" here bc i know its not that easy and for a lot of people that isn't the right answer anyways, but yknow. thats what i did and im doing better, and at the end of the day i can really only speak from my own experience. either way, just know that there are in fact people out there who will accept and love you regardless of who you are or how you look, and in fact will encourage you to do things that make you look "worse" by society's standards if it makes you happy.

anyways. i hope that wasnt too depresso there, i think ill finish this off by addressing "is it even worth doing anything about it if im not dysphoric?": imo, yes, absolutely. there are parts of me that i wasnt dysphoric about before starting t that now make me ridiculously happy. i never knew i wanted chest hair and yet now i sometimes just sit here staring at it like "!!!!!!". you deserve a body that makes you happy. not a body that makes the people around you happy, not a body you can tolerate, a body that makes YOU happy. you could probably tolerate living in a featureless square apartment with all the bare essentials and 0 decorations if it was cheap, but would it make you happy? personally, i think you deserve to put up posters even if the world thinks theyd look dumb.

[locklylemybeloved]

are you still a swiftie?

complicated answer tbh

i am very much still a taylor swift listener. i love her music. i connect to a lot of it. certain parts of the fandom are still AMAZING and genuinely some of the loveliest, sweetest, most creative and kindest people i've met on here.

that being said. there are a lot of really toxic swifties. i tried to stay away from them even as a hardcore diehard swiftie but its impossible. a lot of the fandom feels so toxic and hard to be in because it feels so high maintenance. so much is expected of you. i don't like that.

also. as for taylor herself. i have a lot of love and awe for her in some aspects. what she's created musically and culturally is incredible. the eras tour was truly the best performance i've ever been lucky enough to see live. she is a musical powerhouse and i think her ability to transcend a lot of misogyny and shitty people -- especially since she got big around the 2010s -- provides a lot of hope and inspiration for a lot of people (including me!!)

that being said she is still a privileged white person. this is not something she can change. that is ok. white ppl do not suck because they are white. the problem is when things like white girl feminism, performative activism, and blatant hypocrisy come up.

especially having a political activism era, going completely silent and then profiting off of that is not ok to me. i get that celebrities are not the golden standard for political activism, but if u are going to claim to be an activist. be an activist. yes, silent support is sometimes necessary (donations or whatever. i get its probably annoying to be questioned whether or not you do something. "oh she's doing too much" "oh she's not doing enough") but again. if you are going to claim activism and draw in a larger crowd and have ppl defend you because of that, you have to actually act on your words. performative activism just. it really annoys me.

furthermore, certain things she can't help and i get that. if her boyfriend is on the cheifs she's allowed to support him. but idk the cheifs supporting israel is really shitty. sure she's allowed to date whomever she wants but as a human being everyone has the responsibility to be a good person especially if you live in the public eye. matty healy was genuinely a terrible person, whether she dated him or not, and associating and openly supporting those kinds of people is never ok.

not even mentioning the fact that she claims to really really care about her fans but didn't say anything about pride until pride month, even when her trans fans were yknow being fucking harassed at her shows for their bathroom choice.

anyways there's a lot to unpack, and i don't think anything is every truly black and white. i'm absolutely not saying she's a terrible person. she is also not the most amazing person to ever live. (and i get that's ok i mean i sure as hell am not perfect and my grammy count is 0)

(also i think ppl who hate taylor swift for no other reason than they hate pop music should go fuck themselves. or just yk 'cause she's mainstream or whatever. there's a difference between being able to critique her/not liking her music so just living ur life and attacking and bringing her down)

also she's so fucking gorgeous like yeah i'll admit it she's azshfjwe,zthgfiueak,jsmngtuflhkajwem,zsf

also, i have just in general become way less obsessed with her personal life bcs genuinely i don't care. and that's ok. travis kelce does not interest me (but if he does interest you that's also ok!!! you're allowed to care about whatever you want as long as you do not invade anyone's privacy or treat anyone without basic human respect unless they don't deserve it)

so to answer your question fully: it's complicated :)

[intergalactic-chameleon]

gender stuff once again

SOOO ive finally come full circle and am now considering hypothetically one day getting top surgery (if not just breast reduction) and maybe also going on T at some point.

literally about a year ago when i was discussing gender with my roommate at the time, she asked me if i would consider getting top surgery after i told her that i was going to get a binder just to “try it out” and see “how it feels.”

i thought abt it, but told her “no, not really” because my boobs had never rly bothered me before and they made me feel “more like an adult” (im really short and tiny and would occasionally get mistaken for being a teenager rather than someone in their twenties, so my boobs were often the one age indicator for people). besides, they also made me feel attractive - i had long, wavy hair and taking topless photos of myself was a hobby of mine because i just looked fucking good. ultimately, my tits, which have always been somewhat disproportionally big (i think im a 34D), helped feel me more feminine and sensual as i grew up. though i definitely had a hard time trying to find cute tops that fit me and give me enough support sans bra, i still built a good wardrobe of interesting feminine clothing that i really enjoyed.

but despite all of this, i still wanted to try out something different. at the time last year, i had only just begun to think about being more transgressive with my gender presentation. i had realized that i wanted a shorter, boyish haircut (specifically to look like steve harrington) and kind of started to wear less feminine clothing overall. i also was discovering how attracted i was to men in an undeniably queer (ie. faggy) way, which further propelled me to explore masculine identity even more.

anyway, i was prolonging ‘the big chop’ until after my sister’s october wedding, so i began to grow my facial hair out in order to grow more comfortable with gender non conformity. and to my surprise, my mustache became very noticeable and at some point i realized that i could genuinely grow a little baby chin beard. ofc, by the time of the wedding, i shaved all that off, but went right back to growing it out.

then, the big day: i got my first ever short cut in january. it was shorter than i was expecting, but i immediately felt something shift. i started to feel a lot more confident and got tons of affirming compliments from loved ones about how well it fit me. i also finally felt comfortable enough to dress more “masculinely” and my facial hair didnt make me feel ratty and unkempt anymore; it just fit.

in the coming months i continued to feel more confident and expressed myself more openly around my peers. additionally, a lot of my trans peers started identifying me as trans (which was honestly very validating because i kinda felt like i couldnt loudly identify as trans unless other ppl saw me that way). thus, ever since i’ve been thinking about myself as a trans person and continuing to develop my identity around that.

however, now that ive been actively presenting more masculine/andro for about 6 months now, ive now run into several things about my appearance that i kinda struggle with, such as my height, my shoulder width, my small little arms, fussing with my hair, and of course, my chest. and so i now have this conundrum where im not necessarily experiencing intense gender dysphoria that leaves me feeling depressed, but i have this voice in my head that’s just like “hm, yknow, it’d be nice to maybe not have my tits” bc i’d really like to show off my chest / torso but my tits are so big that it’s distracting !!! and if im binding then i cant rly show off anyway…

so tl;dr: my tits dont make me hate myself but they’re getting on my nerves bc i feel like i’d be hotter without them but that doesnt feel like a good enough reason to gather all the resources needed to obtain a reduction/removal !!!! i also get sad thinking abt how pretty n feminine i used to look and how getting my tits altered (and/or if i went on a low dose of T) would make it hard for me to “return” to how i used to look … idk. how do i find out what i truly want for myself….

[symphorine]

im playing a sword and shield warrior elf rook, nonbinary, warden, on mouse and keyboard

im about 40 hours in rn? about to enter the cauldron and ive done most side and companion quests available to me so far

- combat. im enjoying it! its dynamic and its the first time ive thought of warrior playstyle as fun in da. its the right difficulty for me, it feels rewarding. obviously subjective but its enjoyable

- weisshaupt. fun! i likes the way it was set up, making you feel the urgency and drama, then the confrontation with ghilanain. i enjoyed the boss fight, and i liked what it said abt ghilanain as well in a way. confused as to why ppl dont understand why davrin didnt die? p clearly its bc ghil absorbed the blighted sould before leaving. but now that im typing this i dont remember if the soul thing is warden knowledge or smth morrigan told us in dao...

- responsiveness to background. rly good so far! ive had quite a few warden dialogue options or even sometimes straight up interjections from rook.

- responsiveness to race. ive found that i had a fair amt of options when talking abt the gods, as an elf, though a few hiccups regarding, like, whether or not im included when ppl are like "our gods" (sometimes its fairly clear theyre not including rook). also i used a vallaslin but it seems a non vallaslin elf (so ppl playing as city elves) get the same options... which doesnt super make sense in most places ive seen them. so mixed bag there

- gender... rly good. ive had quite a few occasions to respond with rooks own nonbinary/coming out/etc experience to ppl, esp taash! and its so nice seeing trans characters?? not just the pc

- speaking of taash. gender stuff in their quest? good! cultural stuff? what. are you doing bioware

- actually this is more abt how qunari are handled. theres a few npcs around, plus taash and their mom, that seem to give a more fleshed out and diverse account... but then in general the qun is still presented as stifling and backwards and violent - bc even tho ur reminded a lot that the antaam broke away from the rest of the qun wnd they are the qunari enemies u will deal with, theres also plenty talk of conversion, how they treat mages, etc. in taash's personal quest, i could encourage them to listen to their mother or do whatever they wanted, and i was like cool but theres a pretty clear choice yknow, and its very much designated as so in their narrative. but when I hovered over the options, the "bad" path was underlined as "encourage taash to embrace qunari culture more", which was absolutely not the vibe i got? and the "good" choice was associated with encouraging that to embrace rivaini culture more. like thats such blatant bullshit. AND! a lot of dialogue with taash so far has been abt how they are BOTH! so what the hell is that about! they dont have to choose! like. no the writing is both muddling the point AND being offensive there. its a shame.

- ig irt gender thing other than how its being forcibly tied to culture its good. kinda nonbinary and trans 101 which is good for a wide public but wasnt particularly gripping for me.

- lords of fortune. meh. their outfits? bad and very heavily orientalist imo. like u can see a lot of the inspiration is just... very exotifying?? like ooh shiny riches and barely covering clothes. associated with rivain. ://///////// bad. and the worst offender - WHAT IS ISABELA WEARING. for the love of god let her have pants this isnt fucking funny. other ppl have already spoken on this but oh my god. its infuriating. also criticism applies doubly for the antaam - ur telling me theyre running around in underwear and a mask? it makes me rly uncomfortable in terms of depiction. its like. disney jungle book level imo. and if u add that to how theyre basically just ennemies and fodder for the pc to kill... man i wasn't expecting perfection but its just bad.

- oh yeah cameos from characters - not carrying over any choice other than those 3 makes all writing around them suffer imo. morrigan talks abt her mother, wouldve been great to talk abt kieran there! also the well of sorrows! but no. hawke apparently never existed for isabela or varric. and shes also mostly a set piece (as is varric) so its disappointing. the inquisitor... as far as i can tell its a repeat of hawke in dai. no personality - and i know the inquisitor already didnt have much of it, but if you hated solas you cannot have that come through at all. which sucks! forget any nuance. and its silly how theyll juuuuust not go into details about the inquisition decisions. literally harding talks abt inquisition ppl - including... sera... who u can just Not Recruit. so what does that mean bioware. obviously i love her so im not advocating for not recruiting her but like. what. makes no sense. im still mad about getting rid of decision imports it was bad and stupid. give me back my worldstate.

- yeah varric is basically just saying platitudes. he better have a point bc otherwise he should have been killed off.

- companions. i love them all tbh. i LOVE the voice acting for bellara i think its one of the best performances. ive enjoyed time with all of them and their personal storylines and im excited to have more

-banter. good imo! i do think this is a front on which inquisition did better tho, in that the relationships between companions could be more overtly fraught or antagonistic, and that made it more interesting overall. kinda miss that. but im enjoying what im getting so far still! could trigger more often

- item upgrade system. i like it. im usually not super into crafting tbh so again, subjective.

- misc: theres a lot of... handholding i guess. that i wish i could turn off. a lot of announcing that x decision will have consequences, and y thing is happening bc u made x decision. but in a lot of cases its like... it didnt need to be announced, u could let the game mechanics/narrative do the work perfectly fine. and i dont like that its announced even for the bigger stuff, especially when, again, its obvious anyway.

- i dont rly like the little varric narrations... feels in the same vein of having to. idk. make sure the player is spoon fed whats happening and knows Something Else Is Coming when its pretty clear anyway. im hoping itll have a point later in terms of. hmmmm. narrative structure? like how da2 was yh varric was actually telling. but other than that i dont like it.

- visuals. pretty. hair physics amazing. colorful and varied environments. combat can make the screen very cluttered tho

- music. varies. some parts ive rly noticed and liked but most of the time it doesnt register

- assan. adorable. i love him.

- ive actually rly been enjoying the level design! nooks and crannies to explore in maps but usually u can like, trust the design where u need to if that makes sense? like itll loop back around to bring u where u need once uve explored a part a lot of the time. things arent too far apart, even tho i do wish we could move a bit faster.

- lore things. ill wait to be done with the game for judgement there i think? by itself the elves' origin is cool. in universe + context of how bioware handles them... hmmmm idk

think thats my thoughts for now... i should sleep

can't sleep so gonna jot down some thoughts abt davg under a readmore. itll have spoilers!

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

god im so tired i feel like im. yea. but like genuinely FUCK trans people who try 2 be fuckin trans police likeeee FUCK U when ur tryna reinvent gender roles I DONT NEED TO BE COMPLIMENTED ON HOW WELL I PASS I PASS PERFECTLY WELL AS MYSELF BC I AM ME MOTHERFUCKER I DONT NEED TO BE A CIS PERSONS IDEA OF A MAN BC IM A TRANS PERSONS IDEA OF A MAN U FUCKINGGGG cop,. stop fucking cringing at me wearing a skirt go stick ur head in a toilet u fuckingggggg. bitchasss motherfucker. there is NO way i wanna wear fuckinn trackies n a hoodie all day bc that works just fine 4 other ppl but it gives me fuckin MORE dysphoria stop projecting ur dysphoria onto me youuuuu fuckingggggg. pussy. u can enjoy ur dysphoria hoodie without putting me into it as well its not a get along shirt u fucking idiottttt. wed get along better if u didnt shove our heads into the same hole. yeah. im justtt. pissed. attttttttttt. cops. for existing. and ppl who act like cops. kill the cop in ur head bla bla bla.

anyways

. im gonnago to sleep. tmrw is gonna b better bc god. today was a whole lotta anxiety. not the bad kind. bc i realised today. i finally have problems that dont feel like theyre making me feel so fucking empty. like im soooo anxious and worried abt these problems but these r normal people problems now likeeee. i can cope w this kinda stuff. wowies. so tired. gonnna fall asleep at my desk. this music is loud iand it feels like itss. a big ocean. ive almost drowned so many times yknow. crazy. i wanna swim in a river w my friends. only river close to me is dirty as fuck tho n will give me diseases. or probably has a body in it somewhere. wanna find a good river i wanna. yeah. ok my head feels like. a carousel or whatevr. or like. oh my god i havet listened to hsi song in so long this is so 2021 core. wow. did  i just type core with my own two hands. god. ok. gonna text my friend. and be like. i love u . and then im gonna sleep. and think abt my friends and my more than friends and my less than friends. forgot hwo good this song was. mmm yea. ok. tmrw got english period3 . reminder 2msyelf incaase i get scared i get the period wrong. lemme check acrually

yep. english period3. 11.15-12.15. right there. and also. reminder 2 myself to. get to Maples house at 3.50ish and then. we go to my place. and if it rains thats good. if it doesnt rain we cry forevers. we could maybe like. chill in the garden. or watch movies. movies r good. could even kick my sister out of the livin room so we could watch movies there. n like. give her a distraction. or like. let her watch as well but idk if wed want her. bc like. yea thatd be awkward. idk. we could just watch movies in my room. or we could watch heartstopper like we said that one time bc its feelgood and i love feelgood shows and its aalso smth ik is good and is familiar 2 me and my autistic ass is scared of watching new films. id that an autism thing. well my ass is still autistic. so fuck u. and ur allistic ass. unless its not then i apologise to ur ass. ok.nighty nighty. oscar if u see this . um. Hi . ur coolllllllll as fuck ok yeah fuck u im gonna embarrass u in a publiccc postttt by sayingh howwww cool u rrrrr okie yea byebye. and also byebye everyone whios not oscar. ur also cool but not as cool.

[dreadark]

disorganized rant zz

why does it feel like the entire internet has decided misogyny doesn’t exist 

this is just me complaining about random shit I’ve seen I don’t know about trends or anything just. also i don’t go outside

idk I saw a post recently saying something like, since white women can’t pretend to be oppressed anymore now they’re— okay hang on. what? im not even going to read the rest of that because.. what? what do you mean pretend… what do you mean anymore… what world do you live in…

do you actually think being white cancels out misogyny or something. like I don’t even know where to begin with this… I really feel like somehow people have taken to adding “white” before they make a blatantly misogynistic statement so they can avoid criticism lmao. ah damn we can’t object now or we’ll be racist !

obviously some of them are fucking awful and being a woman doesn’t excuse that and white women have certain privilege others don’t etc etc. no shit dude. but this is…so beyond objecting to just that... also people really love shitting on white women in particular even more than white people in general which really I Wonder Why

i remember when roe was overturned and there were a bunch of people being like wait this is bad. because it can even affect trans men, and also certain minorities will be worse off

those are relevant points yeah but… can you not just care about… women in general..??? sorry now I sound like a fucking all lives matter guy but how else can I say this, sure some rich (usually white) women might be able to get around it but it doesn’t change how this is primarily an issue of women’s bodily autonomy. also I don’t even think the ability to sidestep it means they’re not affected, that they still have to do something extra is.. bad..?

I don’t think it’s wrong to point out those caveats or anything, it’s just a weird feeling I get that a lot of people won’t care if you just mention it’s bad for women. because they don’t think misogyny is a real issue anymore

also in more minor things, being gacha-diseased as I am (sorry) watching ppl act like media is unfairly biased against male characters is… a take… (it’s not even remotely true in gacha !! what !!! Every time I remember that one stat about how ppl perceive women as talking the majority of the time when they talk more than 33% or smth *don’t remember the exact number sorry. told you this is just some rant)

yknow what it’s not just gacha, either it’s bad for female characters to exist because it’s political (lol) or it’s bad because it’s waifubait for straight men. well most people will see the first one for bullshit but the second… is something why I am so glad you’re unable to see female characters as anything other than sex objects! (you don’t need to be attracted to women to do that btw)

it’s really depressing to see this even from people who seem like they should have better views on this stuf (how do I phrase this...)

ah right recently i saw a quote from someone involved with tlou2 circulating around tumblr about how all games except tlou2 were bad or something

Obviously it was a fake quote. i mean...tlou2... i’ve never played it but we’ve all heard the complaints about it for the crime of having a muscular woman or something. and also just being bad in general because it has to be a triple A gameTM idk I didn’t look too into this honestly im not into these things

and yknow what im sure it’s not a very good game, you’re allowed to dislike things, etc. but because of the type of backlash, maybe you should have a thought that when someone posts something outlandishly bad related to it, mmmmaybe they have some kind of agenda. just a thought

(yeah if you looked in that post’s comments the op was going on to defend gamergate. and i suppose a lot of people now don’t even know what that is...)

so it’s like, why does this matter--you can see it with that post itself, you just gave that guy a platform to tell a bunch of previously unaware people about why diversity in video games is bad and women are ruining everything actually. but hey that’s fine because we fixed misogyny already don’t worry about it

....i really think a lot of this is coming from people who don’t realize, and that might be the worst part of it...

[sevicia]

HI DANTE!! i wanted to hear ur thoguhts on just lgbt ppl and horror as a bi guy

but also have u seen incantation!!

i HAVE seen incantation my sister showed it to me she said it made her paranoid... I really liked it!!! I enjoy that sort of movie that has the same vibe as noroi... ! I esp liked the use of that one symbol yknow the one? i like that kinda stuff.

with lgbt people and horror, i feel like theres a LOT to say and im not the right guy to say it cause i am NOT very eloquent (or thoughtful for that matter...) but!

I think that theres literally the link ever with trans people and creatures that transform or that change in some form or the other which is pretty obvious like duh, BUT i also find a lot of comfort in Frankenstein's monster (who i dont like calling a monster but yknow), cause it goes through so much shit just trying to be with other people, trying to be loved and trying to show that it is not as heinous as it seems... i feel that way a lot about my trans body, like i have a massive BEWARE symbol stuck to my chest! i feel very connected to it, and when i read the book i was almost in tears TBH

Also theres SOMETHING there about wlw & the sexualization, demonization and villification of their attraction... Like the typical scene where women are shown together just to be like "hah! look how DEVILISH and FUCKED UP they are!". But im not the right person to talk about this cause i have no clue on the subject, i just KNOW theres something wrong w the way wlw are handled in horror (the movie High Tension being a prime example iirc)

And i feel like (and this is also obvious but lemme have my moment ok) we dont see the same being done to mlm cause our attraction IS villified, but not sexualized. Theres the fact of misogyny of course (as in, sexualizing women, objectifying them, using them to sell), but theres also something about mlm being hidden away and hidden somehow... This is not me saying one faces "more" or "worse" oppression than the other cause we all have our struggles, but theyre obviously different u know?

I think theres also something inherently gay about horror... or at least some types of horror. Something something about being hidden, being shunned, being made into something to fear... Then again i really am not the type of guy who gives much thought to, like, anything, so it's hard for me to talk about stuff like this cause i HAVE feelings about things i just dont know how to make them make sense and put them in a way that others might understand. or in a way that makes sense at all for that matter...!