#& because father’s day or whatever but it was mainly about the one (1) idea

[egcdeath]

the l word

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: the five times you realized that you loved joel, and the first time one of you says it. 

word count: 9.1k

warnings: canon divergent, no apocalypse, 5+1 fic, hurt/comfort, a certain someone gets punched, brief mention of postpartum depression & abandonment, really brief mention of physical abuse in 3, fluff, domestic fluff, angst with a happy ending, found family

author’s note: happy very early valentine’s day! this is part three of the soccer parents au, you can read spectator sport (p1) and clean sheet (p2) here!

this fic would not be possible if it were not for the help of @freakinfairykind, who sent me the idea for scene 3 and listened to my thought vomit whenever i hit a roadblock! you can thank them for the brilliance that is what occurs in that scene :)! enjoy!

part four / series masterlist

Zero

After Nathan, you were sure that you would never fall in love again. Love was supposed to be beautiful and soft—a random bouquet of flowers, having a whole conversation with just your eyes, sweet messages sent to you when you expected it least and needed it most, and foot massages after a long day. For you, love had been nothing of the sort—settling for mediocrity, spitting out venomous words during arguments, and biting back tears on forgotten anniversaries. 

Love wasn’t kind or patient, or rainbows and flowers. Love was a storm cloud that followed you around when you were around him, pouring sadness and anger on you and striking you with lightning bolts of resentment. 

Maybe some people just simply weren’t meant for love. Maybe you were one of them.

One

After years of trying to hold together a failing marriage and hide the myriad of painful feelings you were going through for the sake of your daughter, bottling up your feelings had become your preferred coping mechanism to everyday stressors. 

For the most part, it worked for you. Sure, some days were harder than others, and the smallest confrontation or blip in the day would send you spiraling; but more often than not, you were able to compartmentalize whatever was bothering you and save it for a rainy day.

That was part of what worked so well about the relationship you had with Joel during the soccer season—you had the opportunity to unscrew the lid of the shaken bottle of your feelings just a little bit, taking some of the edge off by yelling about completely inconsequential things. But now, you don't have that outlet. And today was one of those days that you desperately needed it. 

Nathan had come by to pick up Chloe just a bit ago, and it was very obvious that she hadn’t exactly wanted to spend her weekend with him. Some of her friends were going to the mall and having a sleepover, and because Nathan wasn’t particularly fond of their parents, he’d very openly told her no. She begged and pleaded to stay with you (mainly so she could go hang out with her friends), which of course broke your heart a little bit, but also led to a pretty dramatic outburst from your daughter to Nathan when he’d picked her up.

“You’re raising a spoiled little brat,” he hissed at you, pointing an accusatory finger once Chloe was in the car. 

“At least I’m raising her. You only show up when it’s convenient for you,” you shot back. If Nathan wanted to stoop low, you could fall to his level. “Put your finger down. She’s watching us.”

“A little argument won’t hurt her,” he scoffed. “See? You’re proving my point: you spoil her too much.”

“Because years of watching her parents bicker wasn’t traumatic enough? Get in the fucking car, Nathan.”

He huffed, looking back at the car, then over at you. “Fine. But before I go, I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking poorly about me in front of her. Clearly she’s listening to you and acting out because of it.”

“Have you considered that you’re just a shit father and maybe that’s why she doesn’t like you?” you were already making your way back inside, feeling the avalanche of emotions beginning to stir inside of you, and a little frightened of what might come out next. 

“You’re still such a bitch. Every day I praise every deity that’s out there that I left your sorry ass.”

You were viciously fighting the urge to get the last word in, knowing that whatever would come out next wouldn’t be good, and you certainly didn’t want Chloe seeing you like that. You left him with a sarcastic thumbs up, then slammed your front door, taking deep breaths to attempt to calm yourself down.

You crumbled down in front of the door, still maintaining slow and deep breaths. It was no big deal. Nathan just says stuff like that to stir the pot. You just needed to find something to take your mind off of everything. Your mind went to the scarf you’d been working on crocheting, something you could mindlessly do for a little while while you cooled off. 

The scarf was going well. You were calmly crocheting the evening away when you checked your phone to find a few apologetic messages from your coworkers. Feeling confused, you went on to check your email, only to find that the promotion you’d spent the last few months of your life slaving away for had been given to someone else—someone who had worked half as hard as you, and even took credit for a few of your projects. 

Your hands shook as you set down your phone and attempted to pick back up the crochet hook. You were fine, right? Sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes you sacrifice hours of your free time, hours of time you’ll never get back with your child, or significant other, hours you’ll never get back of sleep, hours of-

You cut your mind off, tossing aside the scarf and taking a deep breath. You were gonna be okay. This just meant you could take your foot off the gas going forward, since your work, effort, and time clearly was not being valued. Maybe you would just sit at your desk and play games, then slap your name on projects and presentations like Naomi. Maybe you’d just-

Your phone began to vibrate on your bed and your immediate reaction was to silence it, but upon checking the contact name, you became slightly more inclined to answer. 

“Hey! I almost thought you weren’t gonna pick up,” the man on the other end chuckled. 

“Is everything okay?” you asked, although you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle anything else today. With how your day was going, Joel was probably calling you to break up.

“Better than okay. We finished up early, and Sarah’s already at her friend’s. You in the mood for some company?”

No, not particularly. In fact, if Joel came over, you’d probably end up going off on him over something you don’t really mean, successfully putting an end to the best thing you’ve had in a while. 

“Uh,” your voice cracked, and a rogue tear slipped down your face. You didn’t even know that you were on the brink of tears. “I’m sorry,” you uttered, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. 

“Sorry for what? You don’t have to feel bad for not wanting me over,” he said genuinely, not picking up on your emotional state over the phone. 

“No, I do want you over,” you whimpered. “I just… I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“What? I promise you I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m going home now, but I can also come to your place if you want me to.”

“Please,” you grit out. 

“You okay?” he asked, finally catching on to the fact that something was very off with you. 

“I don’t know,” you confessed. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“No.”

“You sure you want me to come over?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled, desperately trying to fend off your tears.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Bye,” you hung up, burrowing yourself under layers of blankets and curling up onto your side. Maybe this tidal wave of emotions would pass by the time Joel got to your place. You closed your eyes as you took deep, shaky breaths, wiping away stray tears every now and then as they fell. You could pull yourself together. 

You kept telling yourself this as you dragged yourself out of bed to answer the door, but the moment you saw Joel with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers, you completely lost it. He immediately tossed the items down and pulled you into a tight embrace, not exactly knowing what was wrong, but instinctually wanting to comfort you regardless. 

You didn’t even really know what it was either. Sure, you were pissed that you’d lost the promotion, and even more upset that Nathan had called your daughter a name while insulting your parenting skills, but it was far more than that. It was every little thing from the past two months that had upset you in some capacity that you had decided to push as far down as possible. 

You sobbed until your throat was raw and your eyes grew sore from crying so much. The whole time Joel wordlessly held you, rubbing soothing circles into your back and swaying you back and forth just the slightest bit. You almost felt like your tears would never stop, and the more you willed yourself to pull it together, the harder it was to do so. 

Finally, you pulled away, head hanging with humiliation by the emotions abruptly pouring out of you. You truly felt like a live wire. You should’ve just told Joel not to come over. 

“Want me to run you a bath?” he asked softly, tilting your chin up so he could look at you, and rubbing a thumb over your cheek. “Or is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“A bath is good,” you said quietly, averting your gaze. You almost felt like a toddler in the midst of a tantrum. The shame of being a grown woman who couldn’t even control her emotions was overwhelming, but Joel didn’t seem to mind much at all. He simply led you up to your bathroom and quietly filled the tub for you, checking it every now and then to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Once the tub was filled up, he helped you undress, then held your hand as you stepped into the tub. 

“Would you like me to stay?” Joel asked as you settled into the tub. 

“Not really,” you admitted. 

“Okay. Just yell for me if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs.”

Somehow, the bath was everything you needed. It was just warm enough to relax your rather tense muscles, and just quiet enough to allow you to actually process your thoughts. You sat and soaked in the bath for a while, just inhaling the scent of lavender, and trying your best to let go of the feelings that you’d been holding onto for so long. 

Eventually, you felt ready to talk about things, and called out Joel’s name, who after a moment, showed up in your bathroom and sat down on a towel next to the tub. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching for your pruny hand. 

“Better,” you answered as you laced your fingers with his.  

“Well, I’m here when you feel ready to talk about it. And if you don’t feel ready to talk about it, that’s okay too.” 

“Okay,” you said quietly. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, the apology being more of a force of habit. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Joel  assured, “we all feel our feelings sometimes,” he pushed away a bit of hair that had fallen into your face. 

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this, I guess,” you continued. It had been a while since you’d shown any negative emotions in front of anyone, let alone a significant other. In fact, the last time you’d been sad in front of a significant other, you’d been laughed at and mocked. You’d been conditioned to see your own vulnerability as weakness, as a character flaw you needed to apologize for.

“Like what? Naked?” he teased, trying to at least make you smile when you’d clearly been feeling so down. “You know I don’t mind that at all. Seriously, though. There’s nothing wrong with being upset, and there’s nothing wrong with being upset in front of the people you care about.”

A tear slipped down your cheek. It had been so long since anyone had made you feel like you weren’t a burden for having a rough day. Joel gently brushed away your tears with his thumb, and kissed your forehead. 

“Thank you,” you muttered, feeling all sorts of feelings, particularly one feeling you couldn’t quite describe that had been lying dormant for years of your life. 

You eventually got out of the tub once the water had become too cold and you had become

somewhat of a human prune, and you found yourself curled up in bed with Joel, wearing a flannel that he’d left behind the last time he was over. 

“Feeling any better?” he asked once again, gently rubbing your back as a trashy reality TV show played quietly in the background. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled as you looked up at the ceiling, “it’s been a rough few months.” 

“Months?” Joel asked, scooting closer to you. “What’s been happening?”

“Too much to get into,” you sighed. “I guess it just all came out now.”

Joel turned down the volume of the TV, and turned his body so that he could face you properly. “If you want to talk, we have the time. I may or may not have drank a coffee on my way over here, so I’ll be completely alert for the next few hours.”

He gently grabbed your hand and squeezed it, a little reminder that he was here for you. 

“Today’s just been… bad. When Nathan picked Chloe up, she was upset so he called her a spoiled brat and said that it was my fault that she was one. Obviously I do a lot for her, and I know that I’m a good mom, but sometimes the way he talks about her scares me a little. I don’t want her to have self-esteem issues because her dad likes to name-call. I mean, she’s probably gonna have enough issues from our shitty relationship and messy divorce. That really upset me, but that definitely wasn’t the last straw or anything.”

Joel silently sat and listened, holding your hand and listening attentively.

“I lost the promotion, Joel. You know, the one I’ve been working absurd hours for? But it’s not just that, it’s just… there are months of emotions I haven’t had a chance to process. I guess it just all came out now after that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “Nathan is an asshole. He shouldn’t be saying that kind of thing about his child just to make you feel bad. And your boss is stupid for not giving you that position when you’ve clearly earned it. Everything you’ve felt today is valid, but so is everything else that you’ve been holding in for the past… however long. It’s okay to feel your feelings in the moment instead of waiting for them to boil over.”

“I guess, it’s just… I don’t know. I’ve had to be strong for so long. I don’t know if I know how to not wait for my emotions to boil over.”

“Well, you don’t have to be so strong anymore. You’re not alone,” he assured you. “If you ever need me to watch Chloe because you need to go out to the middle of nowhere and scream, or just need someone to talk your feelings out with, I am more than happy to do so. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed, setting your head on Joel’s chest. 

You were getting that weird, dormant feeling in you once again. There was an odd warmth in your chest and butterflies in your stomach, that felt strange and familiar, but most of all, exciting. You had no idea what was going on, or what that feeling was, but you did know that you didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.

And honestly, it didn’t seem like it would. 

Two

Walking into Joel’s home to the sound of soft guitar chords made you feel a bit like you had woken up in a dream, or died and gone to heaven. It wasn’t often that you’d heard him play guitar. Sing? Sure! He loved to sing along to a song he liked on the radio, or do karaoke with you and the kids. But playing guitar was something that he seemed to like to keep to himself.

Joel had picked Chloe up from school, as you had an important work event that you’d anticipated going quite late, and as you’d predicted, it was nearly midnight by the time you got to Joel’s place. It was rare for you to see those two alone, without yours or Sarah’s presence, but you’d assumed the latter had gone to bed due to how late it was and the fact that they had school in the morning.

So hearing Joel play for your daughter felt… weird. But a good weird. Like he trusted her enough to be doing something that he often kept under wraps, even for you.

“I love this song!” you heard your daughter exclaim from the living room. You rounded a corner, not quite ready to appear yet, but curious enough to eavesdrop on the scene.

Joel chuckled at her reaction, “should we sing it together?”

“Maybe, I’m not very good, though.”

“I doubt that,” Joel said, continuing to play the introduction to the song on a loop. 

“I… fine, I’ll sing.”

The two of them began to sing along to the song, and you could’ve sworn that your heart did an actual flip as you listened. There was something very sweet about the whole scene, of Joel playing a song your daughter loved, of him assuring her that she was good enough, and singing something together. 

You should’ve felt bad for listening in on the scene, for invading on a moment that was clearly meant to be private, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to feel that way when your heart was so filled with… something that you couldn’t quite place.

The song came to a soft conclusion, and you figured there was no better time to finally step out from behind the wall than then. 

“You guys sounded so good!” you stated as you entered the room.

“Oh hi,” Joel greeted a little awkwardly, looking down at his guitar as if he’d been caught red handed. 

“Mom!” Chloe exclaimed, coming over to you and hugging you. “I missed you.”

“We were just killing time while we waited for you to get home. How was work?”

“Eh,” you shrugged, sitting down across from Joel as Chloe curled up next to you. “It was work.”

“Mom, did you know that Joel sings and plays guitar? He’s really good!”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” you acted surprised for your child, but looked mischievously at your partner. It wasn’t often that you had the chance to get Joel to play you something, and you refused to let the opportunity slip away from you. “Can you play me something?”

“He can!” Chloe accepted the offer before Joel could begin to protest. God, was this child your mini-you. “Go ahead, Joel.”

He looked to you as if he needed some sort of excuse to not do it, or encouragement to play (more likely than not, he was looking for an out), but you simply shrugged, far too enthused at the idea of him playing guitar for you. 

Just as the man sighed and began to put his fingers to the string, Sarah came down the stairs and plopped herself right next to you. 

“You guys are loud,” she stated, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. 

“Sorry for waking you up,” you apologized. “You were just about to miss your dad’s concert!”

“Oh good,” Sarah giggled, getting all comfortable next to you as she pulled a blanket over her lap. 

“I feel like this is a premeditated attack,” Joel held onto his guitar. 

“It’s definitely not. We just want you to share your gift with the world!”

“Alright, fine. Only because I like you guys so much.”

The three of you cheered from the couch as Joel began to play again, the soft acoustic notes of a love song you’d heard a few times before. As Joel played and sang, he looked straight at you, and you couldn’t help but feel like the lyrics were coming straight from his heart to you. 

That warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest that you’d become more and more familiar with over the course of your relationship began to reappear as you sat there, the moment a snapshot of the perfect domestic bliss that had become your home life. As you sat with your two favorite children in the world, and your favorite man, you realized that you’d never felt more content in your life. 

Three

When you agreed to come to a bar with Joel, you hadn’t expected it to be a quaint little hole-in-the-wall with great live music. 

The atmosphere was lively, the drinks were dangerously sweet, and best of all, it was cute watching Joel in his element. Part of you wondered if he ever saw himself up on the stage, playing for a little audience. Although, he was so bashful and shy playing in front of you and the girls that you wondered if he would like it at all. 

You finished off your first drink rather quickly, but you were feeling up for another, and prepared to head back to the bar. “Do you want another drink?” you asked Joel over the loud music. 

“I’m alright. Thank you, though,” he kissed your cheek, then looked back up at the stage, directing all of his focus there once more. 

You made your way back to the bar, where you ordered another fruity drink for yourself and patiently waited for it to be made, humming along to the cover being sung on stage. 

Being able to find out more about what Joel liked to spend his time doing was (unsurprisingly) quite nice. While he was vulnerable with his emotions, he was often a little more closed off when it came to sharing his hobbies and interests. You wondered how many of these live shows and open mics he was familiar with, how many local artists he was friends with. Would he ever feel comfortable enough around you to share those things with you? Well, you certainly hoped so. 

You looked around with a small smile on your face at the thought of learning more about your partner’s interests. Had he ever been the one up on stage? Maybe before Sarah was born and he was launched straight into the time consuming world of fatherhood. Although, he surely would’ve shared that with you by now.

You were drawn out of thought when eyes landed on a head of hair that looked a little too familiar for your liking.  

No.

There was no way.

This bar was definitely not his scene. In fact, if you’d suggested this bar, he would’ve laughed in your face and called you a hipster, before dragging you out to some stuffy restaurant where he’d complain about the portion size of both his meal and the bill. 

Your mind was just playing a mean trick on you. You’d had a somewhat stressful week, and sometimes drinking made you the slightest bit paranoid. Besides, it was just someone’s hair. Literally anyone could have that hair color, or hair cut, and although the world was small, it wasn’t that small. 

Just as you began to fall headfirst into your nerves, the bartender handed you your drink, and you walked back to Joel, head still in the clouds. 

You couldn’t shake that off feeling, even as Joel danced around with you and stole a sip of your drink, both actions bringing a smile to your face, but not quite quelling the growing discomfort in your stomach. 

You just needed to go clear your mind and freshen up. At least, that’s what you told yourself before telling Joel to keep your drink safe and power walking to the bathroom.

You stood at the sink, splashing your face with water as cold as the faucets would go. Nathan was not here. You needed to just relax, and enjoy the fun date that Joel had planned. You couldn’t keep letting this man ruin your experiences, even when he wasn’t present.

“You okay, hun?” a voice asked you while your head was bowed over the sink. When you looked up, your eyes nearly popped out of your head, as if you were some ridiculous cartoon character. 

Well. Your brain must’ve really been fucking with you today. Or the Universe just really hated you. 

Claire, Nathan’s new girlfriend, was asking you if you were alright in the bathroom of a bar that your new boyfriend had suggested. 

You were completely unsure of whether she knew who you were or not, although she seemed tipsy enough not to care. 

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled awkwardly at her. “But, uh, my mascara’s a little smudged. Any chance you have a makeup wipe?”

“Yeah!” she said, digging into her purse to check for the item. 

You’d never met Claire before, but as far as first impressions went, this one wasn’t too bad. She offered you the wipe, then stood next to you as you dabbed at your under eye. 

“You meet anyone fun tonight?” she asked, beginning to touch up her own makeup. 

“No, I’m actually here with my partner. He really likes the music,” you said casually, dabbing at the same spot so you could at least attempt to maintain your composure in an otherwise dramatically ironic and tense situation. 

“Oh no. Was he the one making you cry?”

“Cry? No! I was sweating. We were dancing,” suddenly, a slightly perverse question crossed your mind. “Does your partner make you cry a lot?”

“How do you even know I have one?” she giggled, sounding less accusatory and more confused. 

“I don’t I just-“

“No, not really,” she shrugged as she reapplied her lip liner. “He mostly just buys me shit and spoils me. What would I have to cry about? He’s a really good guy.”

Oh, you remembered that phase. Well, phases. The time after he’d slapped you during an argument immediately came to mind. Nathan could probably teach a seminar on love bombing, then making you feel guilty for having any negative feelings because of all the money he’d spent on you. 

“That’s good,” you nodded, tossing the used wipe in the trash and making your way to the door. “Thanks for checking in on me and helping me. Have a good night.”

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” she asked as your hand hit the door.

“No,” you replied promptly, maybe slamming the door behind you a little too hard. 

This was a lot to process, and a lot to take in. Despite having a fun time with Joel, you really just wanted to go home. Finding your way back out to him, you silently accepted back your drink and stood besides him stiffly. 

“You okay?” he asked, gently grabbing your arm. 

“Fine, just… just.. I have an upset stomach,” you explained. You were never a good liar, the concern in Joel’s eyes told you that you hadn’t suddenly become one. 

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he said, rubbing your forearm gently. “Let’s go home, okay?”

You certainly didn’t protest as he began to lead you out of the bar, and you let out a sigh of relief at being able to leave before running into anyone else you knew.

Although, life was never that simple, was it?

As you approached the door, a familiar voice called out your name, sending a chill up your spine. Joel’s head whipped around from where it was coming from, and scowled when he saw who the voice belonged to. Ignoring him, the two of you continued your departure, a newfound urgency in both of your steps.

Once you were outside, you felt yourself puff out a sigh of relief. You’d managed to get out of the bar with only a brief conversation with Claire, and no direct interaction with Nathan. Now, if you could only get home, curl up with Joel on the couch, and tell him the absurd story of how you’d bumped into your ex’s new girlfriend in the bathroom. 

But the universe clearly wasn’t letting you off the hook just yet.

“Hey!” Nathan called as he stepped out of the bar, Claire trailing just a few paces behind him. “You’re such a fuckin’ bitch. Can’t even say hi to the father of your child.”

You were almost alarmed by the speed in which Joel marched over to your ex and reprimanded him. Not even wasting a moment, Joel shoved him back—a warning of sorts, with your knowledge that he was certainly holding himself back. 

“Leave her the fuck alone,” he barked. It was like no tone you’d ever heard him use before, not when he was upset with anyone, and not even when he was yelling at a referee for a bad call.  

“And who the fuck are you?” your ex shot back. 

“Does it really matter?” Joel pressed, not backing down despite the slightly shorter man getting in his face. “You’re not gonna go around trying to degrade women.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna stop me, Mr. Nice guy?” Nathan pushed Joel, but your partner barely budged. 

“You fuckin’ cuck,” Nathan muttered. “Why do you even care about this whore?”

Nathan took a second to think about it, glancing between the two of you before a light seemed to go off in his little brain. 

“Oh, I know. You’re that guy from the soccer games. You two together now?" His condescension was almost jarring to hear, and part of you worried about what your clearly inebriated ex might say or do next. “I see you’re still the community cumrag,” he directed at you. 

You hardly had a moment to process what was just said before Joel was swinging, clearly seeing red as he threw a hefty right hook at your ex, leaving a nasty crunching sound as he fell to the ground. 

“Don’t talk about her, or any other fucking woman like that ever again,” he squatted down to his level, and grabbed both of his cheeks. “Leave her the fuck alone, you understand me? Or next time you’re gonna wish it was just your nose.”

Nathan cradled his bloody nose and whimpered and Joel walked back to you, the fury on his face melting into something apologetic as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he began, cautiously approaching you as if he was something to be afraid of. “I shouldn’t have done that. I overstepped-“

“Joel. Don’t apologize. Do you know how much that asshole deserved it? You did everyone a favor tonight, but especially me.” 

You had never had someone defend you so literally before. Sure, your friends had argued with Nathan a few times on your behalf, but punching Nathan in the face had truly raised your expectations for anyone who claimed to be doing anything to help you. You don’t think you’d have felt this alive or cherished in years. 

“Now let’s get you home and ice those knuckles.”

Four

You were usually a big fan of rainy days. The sound of rain pattering against the window or on the roof of your car, and the smell of petrichor on the pavement were sensations you wished you could experience all the time. But today, you weren’t quite so pleased to see the rain. 

You’d taken the day off to spend it with Joel, who had specifically asked for you to take some time off to be with him. You couldn’t blame him, as you’d been slightly neglecting him after things picked up once again at work. You’d had a whole outdoorsy day planned, with a morning hike, a visit to a conservatory, and a picnic at one of your favorite local parks. Unfortunately, none of those activities could be done comfortably in the pouring rain. 

Instead, you opted to come back to your place after you dropped your kids off at school, and have a domestic little day-in.

After putting some homemade cinnamon rolls into the oven, the two of you found yourselves on your couch, comfortably sitting together and reading your own books while the smell of warm cinnamon filled your house. 

Occasionally, you glanced out your window, the scene of rain granting you a sense of serenity. At one point, you noticed Joel’s gaze out the window as well, and you couldn’t help but comment on it. 

“Don’t you just love the rain?” you asked, setting your book down on your coffee table. It was more of an excuse to break the silence than an actual comment, but you said it regardless.

“It’s nice,” he agreed, his tone oddly somber for a comment on the rain. 

“You okay, big guy?” you asked before moving closer to Joel. 

“I’m alright,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. There wasn’t any real concrete evidence that something was off, but something inside you told you that something definitely was off. 

“You sure?” you asked, squeezing his bicep. 

“Yeah, it’s just,” he paused, looking down at his book as if he was about to go right back to reading instead of telling you the issue. After a moment of hesitation, he spoke once more, “it’s the anniversary of Diane leaving.”

Oh. So that’s why he’d asked to be with you today.

You’d never heard Joel say her name before. Sure, you’d seen her name written under a polaroid or two, but you’d never heard Joel reference her ever. Now that you thought about it, you didn’t really know what their deal was. Amicable exes? Divorcees? Was Joel a widower? You felt awful that you’d gone this far into a relationship and still didn’t know anything about his last significant one. 

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, not completely sure how to react. You mainly wanted to get a gauge on Joel’s reaction–just how upset was he? Did he want to talk about it? Or just get the importance of the day out in the open?

“It’s just… Today feels like that day in a lot of ways.”

You nodded slowly, still not exactly sure of how to approach the situation. You thought back to all of the times he’d been there to support you when you were having a rough day, and ended up asking aloud, “is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” 

“Maybe just listening, if that’s okay. It helps to talk about it,” he paused. “The rolls smell done. I’ll go get them,” with that, he was off to the kitchen, barely giving you time to react, or even protest his departure.

He clearly wanted to talk, but just wasn’t completely ready to do so at that moment. You could listen. You could be the best damn listener on the planet if that was what Joel needed from you. No matter what he revealed to you today, you were determined to make Joel feel comfortable, and know that whatever he was going through, he wasn’t alone—just as he’d shown you in the past.

By the time he came back to the living room, Joel offered you a plate with an iced cinnamon roll and acted like everything was normal. He sat back down next to you, stole a bite from your plate, then buried his nose right back into his novel.

You respected his right to process his emotions in any way he saw fit. All you could do was be a good partner, and offer whatever he needed from you to feel better, like he’d done for you so many times before. 

While you were fine with spending your day cuddled up on the sofa and reading, you were also aware that there were a good amount of house chores that were calling your name. Upon mentioning these tasks, Joel insisted on helping out, which was how you two landed in the laundry room, laughing at something stupid that had happened to you this week. 

While you loaded light clothes into your washer, Joel suddenly caught you off guard with a question that was a far cry from the banter you’d just been having only moments before. 

“Is it… are you okay with me talking about it?”

By it you could only assume he meant the giant elephant of a woman in the room. 

“Of course,” you turned to him, offering sympathetic eyes. 

“She left just a few months after Sarah was born,” Joel busied himself by pouring out laundry detergent and fabric softeners. “I just woke up one morning to an empty bed and a note in the kitchen saying she was leaving, she wasn’t coming back, and not to look for her.”

You were taken aback by the cruelty of such an abrupt ending, especially with such a young infant. You couldn’t imagine being put in those circumstances so unexpectedly. 

Joel casually poured the respective liquids into their proper places in the machine, then turned it on. “It was a day just like this. The nursery had a nice, big window that we put a rocking chair in front of. Sarah liked looking at the stars when she was younger, it always helped to calm her down. I remember holding her in that chair and bawling my eyes out while she cried too, and with all the rain against the window… it felt like the Earth was crying right along with us.”

You weren’t sure what to say or how to react, but it seemed like Joel was prepared to move right on, quickly changing the subject as he led you out of the laundry room. 

Baking cinnamon rolls had left a lot of dishes in the sink, but luckily for you, you had an extra set of hands to help you out. Joel was on rinsing duty, and you were on loading.

You quickly found your rhythm, as you often did with partnered tasks. You worked quietly while loading the dishes, letting the music from your speaker fill up the silence, but it was obvious Joel was lost in thought.

Eventually, he quietly began to speak again, “I kept trying to make sense of her leaving. I knew that postpartum depression hit her really hard, and that she was barely sleeping at night because of how often Sarah was crying. Sarah was a really sensitive, fussy baby. She’d told me how she’d felt a few times, and I always kinda thought things would just pass. Every new parent hits that roadbump where they just can’t see themselves doing this thing forever, right? Then, she just left. I thought maybe she just needed a few days away, and that she’d be back. But days went by, then weeks, then it had been a month, and it was still just Sarah and I.”

“Did she ever come back around?” you asked, setting down the last dish into the sink, then closing the machine.

“Never heard from her again.”

You closed the distance between you and the man, wrapping him in as tight of a hug that you could manage. 

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered into his shirt as he melted into your embrace. “I can’t even imagine how painful and stressful that was.”

As a mother, you couldn’t imagine abandoning your child; the tiny human being you spent nine months carrying, and would spend a lifetime loving. But as a human, you understood the stress of being the parent of a newborn. Waking up every few hours because your baby is crying and you’ve tried everything to get her to stop but she just… won’t. Paired with postpartum depression, which you were no stranger to, you could understand the circumstances that led Diane to feeling like she had no other option but to leave. But that didn’t, in any way, make it the right thing to do. 

As you held Joel, a sound you hadn’t ever heard from him escaped his lips, wracking his body. A guttural cry that had clearly been trapped deep inside of him for the longest time had suddenly escaped as he recalled an event that had clearly changed his life. 

You stood in the kitchen holding him for what felt like forever, when he finally pulled away, wiping his face a little bit. 

“Thank you,” was all that he managed to get out.

You laid next to him in bed after a rather emotionally loaded session of lovemaking, trying to catch your breath as the two of you recovered from the underlying emotional and physical aftermath of your fornication. As Joel spooned you, a question lingered on your mind. 

“Do you still love her?” you asked, keeping your eyes forward on the wall. You wanted to say you were sure he had moved on, but these types of situations were rather nuanced. There were just some bonds that regardless of time or circumstances, people continued to hold on to. 

“No,” he answered clearly. “I don’t hate her, either. I guess I just understand her. But that doesn’t make what she put me or Sarah through any better.” 

You slipped your hand down to where his were currently laying on your stomach, and you set one on top of his. 

“I’m not jealous, I’m just curious. Do you ever miss her?” 

“I used to,” he sighed, the close breath blowing some hairs on your neck. “I don’t anymore.”

Eventually, your laundry was dry, meaning you two needed to get out of bed and get to folding. 

“She has a new family, now,” he said out of the blue, as he folded up a pair of your pajama pants. “Husband, kids, dog, the full nine yards. Tommy found her Facebook a few years ago, but I still haven’t looked. I don’t really know why.”

You didn’t really know why either, but you knew exactly the feeling he was experiencing. Seeing your ex who you’d invested so much into and had a child with move on with someone was a particularly gut wrenching feeling. You could only imagine how much worse it was in Joel’s scenario, where Diane had abandoned him and their child, yet had a child and built another family elsewhere. 

“Does Sarah know?” you asked, putting a blouse onto a hanger. 

“Bits and pieces. She kinda just accepted that her mom’s not in the picture, but doesn’t know why she left or anything about her mom’s new family,” Joel finished up with his basket, then began to help you with yours. “Maybe when she’s older. Old enough to understand that it isn’t her fault and that these things just… happen sometimes.”

“I guess,” you frowned as you grabbed your last article of clothing and hung it up. “It shouldn’t have happened, though. Neither of you deserved to be abandoned.”

“It was gonna happen one way or another,” Joel shrugged, putting your baskets away. “Our relationship had been on the rocks even before Diane became pregnant. If it wasn’t then, it would be later. I’m just glad it happened early enough that Sarah doesn’t remember. You in the mood for a coffee?”

His words gave you a bit of whiplash, but you accepted the offer of a warm drink regardless. 

You sat at your table, stirring your drink as Joel sat down across from you. 

“Good, right?” he asked. “I think I’ve officially nailed the way you like your coffee.”

“It’s pretty good,” you admitted, taking a sip from a mug that Chloe had decorated in her school’s art class. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Good. It is one,” you hummed. 

It was clear that his mood was slightly improving the more that he talked about his experience. You wondered just how much of this information he’d shared with anyone else before you, as he told the story as if he were confessing something for the first time ever. 

“I’ve never told anyone this much about it,” he confessed. “I’m glad that of all the people I could’ve told, it ended up being you.”

“Joel, I,” the words popped into your head, but died on your tongue. “I care about you so much. I know this can’t be easy to talk about, so thank you for sharing this with me,” you squeezed his hands across the table. 

“Thank you for being so supportive. I also care about you a lot. So much that it scares me. Especially knowing that you could lose everything in a literal night,” he admitted. 

“Oh Joel,” you said softly. “I’m also scared. I’m always so scared that I’ll lose you and Sarah and this little blended family we’ve made. But if that’s the price I pay for… caring about you so much, I’m okay with being afraid.”

Joel looked at you like he had something to say, but instead sat there quietly for a moment, processing your words. “Do you want to watch an episode of The Bachelorette?” 

“Is that even a question? C’mon,” you stood up.

The two of you cuddled up on the couch once again, this time with a much lighter feeling in the room, partially due to what Joel had confessed to you, and partially due to the absolutely ridiculous content playing on your television.

“I’m sad that I had to go through what I had to go through, but I’m glad that it led me to you,” Joel said out of the blue, resting his forehead against yours.

You were glad that he found you too.

Five

It wasn’t every day that the forces of the universe seemed to be on your side, but for some reason, today was one of those days. 

When you’d been called into your boss’ office that morning, a pit formed in your stomach. You’d figured that the day you were going to be laid off was coming, especially following the whole promotion fiasco. As you walked into her office, you fully intended to be walking out without a job. 

Except, that wasn’t what happened. You had been promoted, and promoted into a position even higher than the one you’d previously been gunning after. 

Once you found out, you had to fight the urge to skip out of your boss’s office, singing and dancing with joy. Instead, you fought that urge by closing the door to your office, and calling Joel. 

“Hey honey, what’s up?” he answered casually. 

“Joel, they promoted me! And it’s an even better position than what I was trying to get before!” you squealed. 

Joel cheered from over the phone, making you somehow smile even harder. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you. I can’t think of anyone who deserves this more than you.”

“Oh my god, stop it,” you giggled, putting your hands up to your warm cheeks. 

“No, I’m serious,” Joel countered. “I know a lot of hard workers, and none of them work as hard as you. You’ve sacrificed so much to get here and it’s finally paid off.”

“Thank you, Joel,” you had more to say, but you decided to keep it to yourself. Mainly, how did you get so lucky to end up with a man like him? 

“Are you busy tonight?” he asked. 

“I’m just dropping Chloe off at my mom’s, then I should be free for the evening. Why?”

“Why don’t you come over to my place so we can celebrate? You picked the right time to get a promotion. Sarah’s going to her uncle’s for the weekend.”

“Sounds good to me,” you hummed. “I’ll text you when I’m heading over.”

“Alright. Again, congratulations! So proud.”

You hung up and attempted to get back to work, but you were far too excited to focus for too long. You somehow made it to the end of the work day and to Joel’s house without spontaneously combusting from joy.

When you walked in, you were immediately met with the smells of one of your favorite candles, mixed with the mouthwatering scent of fragrant coming from the kitchen. 

“Joel, I’m home!” you announced, making your way to the kitchen only to find it very dressed up. The lights were dimmed, a crisp white table cloth rested on the table, and a gorgeous arrangement of flowers sat in a vase in the middle of the table, right next to a rather nice looking bottle of champagne. 

Joel was finishing up plating something spectacular as you came in. “Please, have a seat,” he directed. You didn’t need to be told twice. 

With the arrangement of the table, you almost felt like you were sitting at a fancy little restaurant, but better, knowing all the effort Joel had put into making the table look this way.  He brought over two plates, set one over at his seat and one in front of you, before leaning down and kissing you gently. 

“Congratulations. I am so, so, so proud of you,” he said after finally pulling away, reaching for the bottle of champagne on the table.

“If anyone in the world deserves good things,” he turned away from you so that he could safely pop the bottle. “It’s you. I’m glad you’re finally getting the recognition that you deserve.”

With the bottle opened, he poured you out a glass, then poured himself some. You lifted up your glass and Joel mirrored you.

“Cheers,” you said with a grin, tapping your glasses together, then taking a sip. Once you finished drinking, Joel leaned in for one more kiss before he situated himself back into his chair. 

“I think you deserve a promotion from best boyfriend in the world to best boyfriend in the universe,” you softly laughed, looking down at your plate. 

“Do I? I think anyone would celebrate the person they…” he paused for just a split second, and you probably wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t paying such close attention. “The person they’re sharing their life with if they made a big accomplishment like this.”

“Honey, you’d be very surprised. I can think of at least one person who would view this promotion as a bad thing.”

“Well, don’t think about them right now. This is an amazing thing, and we’re celebrating you today. Not an insecure man with a Napoleon complex and a small penis.”

You laughed out loud, nearly choking on a bubbly sip of champagne. 

“You’re right,” you picked up your fork and knife, reading to dig into the amazing looking meal in front of you. “Thank you for this, Joel. You always make me feel so appreciated and cherished. You’re truly one of a kind.”

He shook his head bashfully at the compliment, eating right along with you. It was almost cute how he never seemed to accept compliments, but certainly deserved them more than basically any other person that you knew. 

“You always show me how much you care about me. It’s only fair that I do the same.”

“You’re so romantic,” you sighed. “How can I guarantee that I can keep you around forever?”

“Just keep being you, I guess. That’s all I’ve really ever wanted.”

How did you get so lucky? How did you manage to hit the jackpot on men with Joel, almost let it slip through your fingers not once, but twice, and still managed to end up with one of your favorite people in the world? 

However it ended up happening, you certainly weren’t mad at it, and as you sat together, you hoped for things never to change. 

Plus One

Given that you practically lived at each other’s homes now, you often spent your mornings together getting ready to take on the day. It was cute how you both had your own little routines and were able to coexist in a tiny little space. 

Today, you stood in Joel’s bathroom, washing your face as the mirror across from you began to become progressively more foggy from the heat of Joel’s shower. 

“My hair is gonna be so frizzy,” you muttered to yourself as you rubbed moisturizer into your skin. 

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come in here with me,” Joel shot back from the shower, turning the water off. 

“Whatever,” you grumbled, getting back to work on your face as Joel dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist. 

“You’re so cute when you’re grumpy in the morning,” he commented as he approached you, standing next to you at the sink. 

“I am not grumpy,” you argued, then paused once Joel gave you a very disbelieving expression. “Fine. I can get a little irritable in the morning. Especially when someone’s boiling hot showers make my hair get all frizzy.”

“I wonder who that someone is?” Joel looked around the room in faux confusion. 

“Ugh, shut up. You are such a dad,” you fought back laughter, but you couldn’t really help the smile that appeared on your lips. 

“Shutting up,” Joel acknowledged, grabbing his razor and some shaving cream to touch up some of his facial hair. You began to brush your teeth, focusing on yourself in the mirror to make sure that you were making your dentist proud. 

Your eyes eventually migrated and were meeting Joel’s in the mirror. You flashed him a big, foamy grin, and he immediately broke into hysterics, setting the razor down so he didn’t cut himself while laughing so hard. 

“Really?” he asked between laughs. “While I’m shaving?”

“Sorry,” you shrugged with a self-satisfied smirk. 

“You are such a dork,” Joel sighed as he calmed himself down, leaning against the counter as he began to work on shaving his face once more. “Ugh, I love you,” the words seemed to come out of his mouth involuntarily, if the horrified look on his face told you anything. 

It seemed like the whole house stopped after Joel said it, the dripping from the showerhead ceasing, the faint buzz of the air conditioner nowhere to be found, and the noises of your children downstairs coming to a halt.

You were shocked at the admission, and Joel seemed to be shocked that he’d said anything. 

Now that he’d mentioned it, you really did love Joel. You loved how he supported you, and how he treated your daughter like she was his own. You loved that he wasn’t afraid to fight for what he believed in, especially when that included socking your ex in the face. You loved his ability to be vulnerable with you, and the way that he seemed to always know what to say at the right time. You loved knowing that no matter how shitty of a day you’d had, Joel would always be there, ready to order your favorite foods and spoon you while decompressing with the worst, most trashy reality TV you could find. 

You’d spent all this time thinking that you’d never experience romantic love again, that romantic love was tumultuous and exhausting, when you’d been in love with Joel the whole time. 

You were one of those people who were meant to love and be loved. Joel had proven that much to you. 

“I love you too,” you confessed, toothpaste still obstructing your mouth.

Maybe love wasn't so bad after all.

[fiddlefordisms]

Canon Details and Analysis of Fiddleford McGucket Part 1

I'm writing a series of meta posts centering around everything we know about Fiddleford McGucket as well as what can be gleaned from those details and some theories of mine. At the very end of this series, I will also do a detailed look, analysis, and theorizing about Fiddauthor (a ship which I love) - however, this series of posts will be focusing mainly on what's actual canon (and thus written in terms of Fiddleford's friendship with Ford) and will be mainly focused on Fiddleford's character even as it stands outside of his relationship with Ford. Because he deserves to be his own character outside the context of a romantic relationship, and he deserves it in general.

Fiddleford was raised on his father's hog farm in Tennessee. We've received very few details about his family life other than that the hog farm belongs to his father, Fiddleford has a cousin named Thistlebert who believes in aliens, and Fiddleford's grandmother who does not approve of "coffee" (whatever that is). What we can glean from this is that Fiddleford is pretty familiar with his extended family. We also know he grew up "dirt-poor."

In Journal 3, Ford mentions that Fiddleford crosses himself while stepping over graves and chastises him for saying "what the devil." Tennessee is also located deep in the Bible Belt. This tells me Fiddleford was likely raised Christian and because of the "crosses himself" thing - likely Catholic. He's the first McGucket to ever go to college.

Fiddleford has anxiety issues, possibly an untreated disorder - a fact commented on by Ford in Journal 3 (knee-bouncing, a tendency towards pulling at his hair, his superstitious nature might lend to this as well, and the "SORRY" photograph mentions that he's "mighty nervous" about his first day, he also mentions having the hiccups that day - probably due to how nervous he is). Given how these things go, it's probably been with him since childhood, and he was probably belittled for it. Especially given the stigma around mental health issues, it would not surprise me if Fiddleford has been told multiple times "to get over his anxiety."

Before meeting Ford, Fiddleford had a low sense of self-confidence (and even after meeting Ford, it might still not have been the greatest). His very first day of college, after being laughed out of class, he's already arranging for a tractor (the joke is he's Southern and from a farm) to pick him up. He was going to drop out of college on his first day had it not been for Ford. This tells us that he was led to believe that he was "not right" or "not smart enough" for college. Because it's only his first day at college, he probably didn't get these ideas ingrained in him from the campus itself. Theories? A few. One: His father probably wanted him to stay and help out on the farm - maybe even take over the hog farm one day. Two: Fiddleford easily leaps to the idea that he "got his math wrong" and that his theory must be incorrect because everyone else thinks so. This tells us he does not consider himself "brilliant" despite the fact that he is HIGHLY intelligent. He's also at Backupsmore instead of a first-rate school. Because Fiddleford has a lot of anxiety, I think it's highly possible something that could have led him to believe this is test anxiety. Schools put so much importance on testing, and because of his anxiety, Fiddleford might not have been able to perform very well on tests. He probably really excelled at doing his homework, though, and probably already had a bit of an inventing streak. He might have been persuaded by a teacher to give college a try and probably had an interest in it due to his affinity for machines and likely a love of mathematics and physics (and possibly chemistry given that Old Man McGucket mixes up a voice-changing serum at one point). Fiddleford mentions in the "SORRY" photograph that he thought making a friend was more impossible than solving relativity. This is extremely sad and points to Fiddleford having been lonely through his childhood and school years up until college. It's not hard to imagine that he might have been bullied for being a "nerd" as well. People tend to look down on those who display Southern mannerisms and interests (Fiddleford plays the banjo, has a strong Southern accent, and was probably raised to take pride in his Southern upbringing) as "dumb hicks" - and this might be a cause for even more bullying while he's in Backupsmore and continued confidence difficulties.

[fangirlfrom-hell]

The Fragile Bonds Part 1 || Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly erased my blog 🫠

Summary: After their father's death, Becca moved in with Jay. This is the first time the detective brother has to go undercover since his sister has been under his full care, creating a challenging situation for both. Reluctantly, Becca will have to live with Will and his family during those days, even though she doesn't feel very welcome in that household.

Becca had been sitting down on the living room sofa for the last 15 minutes, looking at Jay going in circles all over the place avoiding whatever he wanted to say. 

"Would you please just spit it out? You are driving me crazy". 

He dried stopped in front of her: "I'm going on an undercover run. This is going to be for a few days, at most a week I hope....aaaaaaand you are staying with Will". 

He made a lot of hand gestures for each word he pronounced, especially when he mentioned their brother's part. Becca had a lot of emotions going around her chest. She was usually very nervous about her brother's job, but the prospect of him going undercover amplified those feelings. Of course he had been undercover in the past, yet this instance held a distinct significance: It marked the first time into such operations since she had moved in to live with him after their father passed away. This added an extra layer of complexity to the situation for both siblings. Besides all that, staying with Will for an entire week? That was torture! 

"Oh. Ok. Well, is Natalie ok with this?" She questioned the plan, somehow looking for a way around. 

"I already talked to Will, who is your brother. I honestly don't care what Natalie thinks". 

"But it's her house too..." Becca had this feeling that Natalie didn't quite like her, especially because of the emotional problems she had been dealing with due to all the changes and recent losses in her life. She was having a hard time dealing with anxiety and depression, and her brothers, mainly Jay, had been very busy taking care of her, rescuing her from her bad days and impulses. Natalie wouldn't like to have her in her house, especially around her baby, that was for sure. 

Jay approached his sister and sat down at the coffee table to be at her same height. 

"Bec...it's all settled. I know this is not your favorite idea in the world...to be honest, it's not mine either, but it's what we have". 

The girl took a cushion and put it on her lap to hug it. She unconsciously turn to the other side before speaking out again: "You can always choose not to go". 

Jay jumped to the sofa to meet her gaze and gave his sister a warm smile with pity eyes. 

"I know". She understood: "It hits different, now that we live under the same roof--I mean, when I was with...dad...I didn't see you every day, so it didn't bother me, I didn't even noticed if you were gone. But now... it makes me realize a lot of things..." 

"I know". Jay continued the idea: "Somehow it is harder for me too. What frustrates me the most is that this is your birthday week". He sighed: "I bet I'll be back in time but if not, we'll double the celebration on any other day, that I promise". 

Becca frowned: "I don't really care about my birthday. Just be very careful". She hugged him tight: "Very". 

"I will be". He kissed her hair. "But for now, I got an idea: before I go: movie night and pajama party as you liked when you were little". 

Becca smiled: "Yeah, I'd loved that. We used to do that a lot back in the days". It was what Jay used to do to keep her distracted when their mother got ill and started having frequent hospital admissions. 

"Quality time together as siblings, so you won't miss me so much". He teased his sister. 

It was the day. Becca packed the last couple of things before going down. She stopped at the frame door of her room looking around to check if she had forgotten something. In the middle of the bed there was a stuffed kitten, the one her mother gave her in her 7th birthday when her greatest wish in life was to have a cat as pet, but they couldn't get one because her father was very allergic to them. That stuffed kitten was the solution to the problem. It was one of the few objects she had from her mom. Becca thought about taking it, but decided to leave it there, thinking she would be mocked about it. 

"Where are you supposed to be going? It's only a week or less, Becc". Jay said when he saw his sister comming into the kitchen carrying so many bags. 

"It's only my school backpack, my daily clothes backpack, some books in this one and my dancing/acting backpack...because Will is taking me to my lessons, isn't he?". 

"Yes, I talked to him about that". But Jay wasn't very convinced of his oldest brother's intentions of doing that. Since he got together with Natalie, hers was the only family that mattered to him. "He has your schedule and all". 

"Good". 

"Alright. Leave those in the floor and get in the car. I'll make a double check around the house to be sure we're good to leave". Becca obeyed. 

After a few minutes, Jay joined his sister. The kitten was in his hands and he gave it to her as soon as he got into the truck: "Here. You forgot Mr. Snuggles". 

She smiled: "I was actually thinking of leaving him here". 

"What are you talking about? You can't even sleep without him!" The detective said as he started driving. 

The Halstead siblings entered the 21st from the parking lot. Becca was only carrying her small backpack with books and held Mr. Snuggles in her hands. Jay helped her with the rest of the bags. 

"Well, look at you!" Platt greeted Becca from her usual place in the front desk. -"I heard you are taking a short vacation with your doctor brother". 

"I am. I wish I wasn't, though". The girl said simply. 

Detective Halstead was looking around: "Is Will upstairs?" 

“No. Your brother hasn't arrived yet". 

"I told him to be here on time". He muttered in annoyance. 

"Hey, it's still early. Maybe he got caught in traffic or something". 

"Yeah, or something...". He concluded the short conversation and guided his sister to go upstairs. 

The Intelligence team was gathered around the board when brother and sister made their appearance. The smile was unanimous when they saw Becca coming in after Jay. Hank Voight approached a few steps: "Becca! What a surprise!" 

"I wasn't actually supposed to be here, but it looks like Will forgot about me". She stated that as something normal. Hailey raised her sight to check on her boyfriend's reaction, who was eagerly typing on his phone. 

"Well...silver lining: you get to visit us! We haven't seen you in a while". Burgess commented.

 Kevin stood up from his place to bump fist with the girl: "That right!". 

From the back of the office, Al peeked his head to greet the girl: "Did your brother gave you the book I sent?" 

"Yeah! Actually I almost finish reading it. Thank you, Mr. Olinsky". 

"A book?" Adam teased the little girl, "How old are you? 85?" Becca laughed and Al was about to say somethig when Jay abruptly interrupted the conversation, not even knowing that they were talking: "Alright, Becc. Will's on his way, he should be here soon". He said with a stern tone. There was no need to be a detective to know he was very upset. 

Jay's phone rang, but it wasn't his personal or detective cellphone. He received a message as an undercover and muttered something when he read the text. 

"I gotta go, I'm running late for...you know". He pointed to the phone and all the detectives understood. "Becc, you'll have to stay here alone for a few minutes. I can't wait for Will with you, I'm sorry". He looked at Voight asking for his approval with his gaze and the boss nodded. "You can take my seat, he'll be here soon". 

Becca nodded with sadness, swallowing hard trying to retain her tears. She was mentally prepared for this moment, but emotions were all over her chest: "Promise to take extra double care..." 

"Becc, I already told you--". 

"Promise me!" She lifted her pinky finger to consolidate the promise and her brother smiled following the game. 

"I promise to take double extra care". And when they crossed their fingers, he hugged her tight and sighed before parting: "Ok, gotta go now". 

Becca stood there until he disappeared going down the stairs. She felt a soft touch on her shoulder and Hailey's sweet voice invited her to the coffee room. 

"He'll be just fine, nothing to worry about. Your brother is a great cop". The blonde detective reassured the girl, who was pretending to be alright. "Besides, I'll be checking on him". She winked and took a juice out of the fridge and gave it to her. 

However, despite Becca missing her brother dearly, she didn't feel concerned about him in that way, as she saw Jay as invincible. What truly weighed on her mind was the thought of spending all those days at Will's house. Will had always been distant from her, almost like a stranger she used to call "brother," until just a couple of years ago when he made the decision to return from New York to Chicago. Before that, he was constantly on the move, traveling, studying—anywhere except home, even during the time when their mother, who was sick, had passed away. 

After a few minutes, Will arrived at the station, where he was greeted by Trudy Platt with a less-than-friendly gesture. "The Doctor's here". She announced striding to the entrance of the bullpen, him following her closely. As soon as he spotted his little sister, Will opened his arms to embrace her. 

"Hey, Becky!" Becca hated to be called like that, but at least he was trying so she simply rolled her eyes, "It's been a while". He playfully shook her head, something that also annoyed her quite a bit, a fact that she couldn't help but hide with her face. 

"Yeah, I know", she said, slightly moving away from him. 

"What do you have there?" Her brother puffed when he spotted the stuffed animal and he took him to observe it, "Aren't you a bit old for these kind of things?" He teased her. 

Flushed with embarrassment, Becca's face turned a deep shade of red, her thoughts consumed by the realization that now everyone around her would surely take notice of the plush toy. 

"Hey, Beccs!" Noticing the situation, Hailey called her with affection, her voice softening as she spoke directly to her, "You know, I'll be undercover with Jay, not diving in as deep as he will. I'll be in and out, so... if you need anything during these days—anything at all—just give me a call. You know my number’s on the phone. I'll be there as soon as I can, promise.”

Becca deep sighed: "I wish I could stay with you better". They both smiled. Upton opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by the Halstead Brother's voice.

"Alright, Becca. I'm sorry, we gotta go. I'm actually in a rush right now". 

And so, she departed from Intelligence, from everything that held reminders of Jay—Unsure of how long she would be apart from the few things that made her feel at home. 

"We fixed the guest room for you, it's all yours for these days. You can close the door to have your privacy, but I--I removed the lock from the plate. You can close it, but it will always be open for us--well, for me to come in". Becca stared at the door, analyzing. She understood where the action was coming from, but couldn't help to compare that Jay had never and would never do that to her. 

"I'll always knock before coming in, don't worry". Her brother smirked, trying to lighten the situation. She forcibly smiled back to him. There was an unconfortable silence. Both of their minds were going in circles, trying to find something to say. 

"Natalie is on shift right now and Owen is with her grandma, so it's only us for now. If you want to, we could--". 

"I have homework to finish". His sister interrupted, but immediatly regret it, "But, maybe later we could--" 

"Yeah, we could do something. When you finish". Silence again. 

"Thank you". The teenage girl said before he left the bedroom, "For taking me". That night she avoided dinner by pretending to be asleep. 

She heard when Natalie arrived very late at night and sensed the hushed tones exchanged between her brother and his girlfriend when Will mentioned her presence in their home. Becca didn't like the unease that settled within her —she could feel them clamoring to escape the confines of her chest, she felt small and insecure. 

Thoughts and impulses that she had long suppressed began to resurface, intertwining with the tendrils of anxiety that sought to take control of her body. She longed for her familiar room, her comforting bed, her nightly rituals, and above all, she ached for Jay's reassuring presence. She wondered where he was, what he was doing in that exact moment, if he was safe. Her breathing began to agitate and her heart began to beat rapidly. She thought about giving Hailey a call, but it wasn't a real emergency to bother her with. She started to sniffle, and didn't even try to stop the tears. 

In her grip, Mr. Snuggles was tightly embraced, his plush form offering some solace amidst the overwhelming feelings; She closed her eyes, if she concentrated hard enough, she could conjure the memory of her mom's scent that lingered faintly within the fibers of the stuffed animal. The memory of her mother served as a soothing balm for her heart, and she felt a surge of gratitude towards Jay for making her take Mr. Snuggles at the last minute. 

With her mind slightly cleared, a glimmer of hope emerged: Tomorrow would mark the start of a new week, school and after-school activities would serve as a welcome distraction and would keep her away from Will's house, where she felt less than unwelcomed. She smiled when she remembered her dance lessons, she thought about them with excitement, that would maintain her sane, yeah. 

With the scent of her mom still enveloping her, her breathing gradually returned to normal, and her eyelids began to droop, until she finally fell asleep. 

Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a like, comment or share. 😌♡

[liviavanrouge]

Bishop Union Birthday vignette

Part 1

Bishop: To think this day would come, I feel like I'm getting so old at this point despite being so young, it's a bit saddening...

Bishop: The interviewer that the magical birthday dice selected is gonna be here soon, I wonder whobwas chosen for be

???: Be grateful you annoying cub, you don't gotta deal with outsiders

Bishop: NICEEEEE!

Leona: *Smirks at him* Someone seemed overly eager and happy

Bishop: Or course I am! I was hoping an upperclassman would interview me!

Leona: I can tell

Bishop: Thanks dorm head for celebrating my birthday!!

Leona: No need to yell, here take this and be grateful

Bishop: Is this....WOAH!! NEW TOOLS!

Bishop: Hammer, screwdrivers, wrench, holy apples above!!

Leona: Looks like you're grateful, you better be it was either the tools or an apple tart from a port bakery

Bishop: I'll have to go grab an apple tart after this, as an extra birthday treat, thanks for these tools dorm head

Leona: Yeah, yeah, happy birthday cub but you best be more grateful to Ziro

Bishop: Why?

Leona: He practically carried me out of my bed to go get you a gift and that was about an hour and a half ago

Leona: Thanks to him I was able to grab you a gift before it was too late, be grateful to my little brother

Bishop: I shall thank Ziro later too then and grab him a thank you gift!

Leona: You cubs and your enthusiasm, sometimes it makes me tired

Bishop: *Laughs, grinning at him*

~~~~

Part 2

Leona: Okay, I'll begin with the questions

Bishop: Shoot!!

Leona: *Smirks amused* If you could take any one person with you to a deserted island, who would it be? Anyone in the dorm cannot join you

Bishop: *Hums* A deserted island you say?

Bishop: I'd choose Livia, my fellow freshman in Diasomnia!

Leona: *Narrows his eyes, growling* Little Hunter?! Why her!

Bishop: She's believed by the queen and prince of the Valley of Thorns right? Not to mention that she told me and the others that she's the daughter of a retired general

Bishop: If she goes missing, no doubt will the queen and prince go NUTS trying to find her and locate where she was

Leona: Smart.

Bishop: But also because her species have good noses and intuition, not to mention she is pretty strong I saw her tackle hug MALLEUS DRACONIA down the other day, and that guy is about as strong as faes come

Bishop: We'd be able to easily find a good source of water and ripe food while we await rescue, if no rescue comes we'd both be smart enough to make something to escape either a boat maybe a raft

Bishop: We'd also have enough food but according to Livia she's able to go three days without eating or drinking anything

Leona: HUH!?

Bishop: We'd be able to escape quite easily either way, so she's my choice for that!

Leona: Hah, you thought this through cub, you got some of my respect

Bishop: *Laughs* Yep!

~~~~

Part 3

Leona: Next one, if you had to transfer to a different form which one would you go to

Bishop: Ignihyde.

Leona: Quick answer. Why that dorm? Someone with your personality wouldn't fit there too well you know..

Bishop: Hahaha! I've always fiddled with gadgets since I was young, when I was a baby my father would have to pry certain gizmos away from me!

Bishop: I also wanna get ideas from the other students there and it's hard to see an ignihyde student in the wild, so being in their dorm gives me a higher chance to get someone's approval for whatever I make

Bishop: I also wanna learn out to chillax as well, Ruggie and Jack say I'm too headstrong...

Leona: Hate to say it, but I gotta agree with those two, you tend to rush into things

Leona: I still remember when you and your little troublemaking group of friends met

Bishop: Haha, yeah...well I didn't have many friends growing up, mainly just me and Epel and even if kids my age did come around either to visit for celebrations or certain festivities, nobody wanted to talk to me

Bishop: I never understood why at first, whenever I approached they'd glare at me before I had a chance to speak or they'd take off running....I soon found out that it was because I wasn't exactly normal and they saw me goofing about and being kinda weird

Leona: That's rough, but rude of them to judge you from what they seen rather than talking to ya.

Leona: Listen, I will say this once and I will deny I ever said this after today, but you're a good kid.

Leona: Don't let people judge because they say you doing something weird, show them that you can be approachable

Bishop: Y-YES DORM HEAD!!

Leona: *Frowns* Too loud.

Bishop: Ah! Sorry....I got excited for a moment there

Bishop: Is the interview over? Tell me it's not

Leona: Sadly for you, it is over and time for your long awaited good luck gift

Bishop: *Whoops, doing a small jig*

Leona: Something your mother taught you?

Bishop: Yep! She taught me all of her tribes dances, I do them when I'm happy or when I'm visiting the family for a celebration!

Leona: Got it, well be prepared cub! Happy birthday!

Bishop: *Beams, grinning*

----

Bishop: *Laughs with his hands on his knees, one eye closed as he gave Leona a big grin, whip cream staining his cheeks forehead and jacket*

[margridarnauds]

Tav asks, 4, 10, 13, 14, 22

4 and 10 answered here for Kitrye and Malla

4. Is there a reason why your Tav starts out as Level 1?

For Ana, I think that the reason she starts out at level 4 is partly the tadpole, partly that she's genuinely not had that much time OUT. She's been relatively sheltered, despite or because of everything that her father's been doing.

10. What was your Tav like as a child?

Boisterous, mischievous, incredibly clever, and very good at wrapping her father around her finger to get whatever she wanted in the few instances that he actually was willing to visit her (Raphael was...not a particularly attentive father as far as the day to day minutiae went). She was mainly raised by Kitrye, in Kitrye's own manor in the city, which she quietly bought after the game and kept running with a skeleton crew of servants and a couple of people to manage its affairs when she isn't there (which is often, since Raphael prefers for her to stay in the House of Hope). (There are. Many local legends about it being haunted or cursed. For obvious reasons.) At some point, when she was slightly older, about 8-10, her father's enemies were able to pinpoint her location, causing her to be raised for the rest of her childhood in the House of Hope. She showed an early aptitude for the violin, which her father eagerly encouraged (at least partially out of a sense of narcissism, because He Made That), becoming a master by an early age, with a penchant for the dramatic and the extra.

13. What was your Tav's first reaction to Lae'Zel?

Lae'zel is a fantastic character to demonstrate how what you do/don't do in this game can really impact your impression of the characters because Kitrye? Was generally fine with Lae'zel. The reason? She forgot. To bring her to Zorru. Before the Tieflings left. (Also didn't even REALIZE Dammon was there, oopsie.) So she never had time to see Lae'zel's idea of an "interrogation" or got to be called a "subordinate." Yes, some of what Lae'zel said put her teeth on edge, but she was also, from personal experience with the Drow, able to recognize a fellow victim of cult brainwashing when she saw one, so...she made a lot of decisions that Lae'zel disapproved of, but she also was quiet enough and discrete enough that Lae'zel didn't fully know, while, at the first opportunity she had, she worked to undermine Vlaakith. A fun fact is that I actually had planned to kill Lae'zel in Kitrye's run, specifically killing her for trying to kill Orpheus, but as the run progressed, I realized it would be out of character for her to do the actions required for that, and so Lae'zel fully turned against Vlaakith and supported Orpheus by Act One.

Malla? Even though she DID take Lae'zel to Zorru, she was honestly not fazed by any of it. She could respect pragmatism and she could respect martial strength, and they worked well together. They were Murder Girlbosses through the first act and even hooked up twice after Minthara left for Moonrise, even though Malla eventually called it off in the Underdark because she quickly realized that she was developing actual feelings for Minthara and meaningless sex wasn't really what she wanted anymore. (It's going to be gut-wrenching because, unlike Kitrye, it WAS in character for Malla to encourage Lae'zel to turn to Vlaakith...only to realize, later in her character development, what a monster she'd created. So she *is* very likely going to kill Lae'zel.)

(Ana unfortunately can't stand Lae'zel and I am actively considering sacrificing her early in Ana's run, simply because ANATHEMATISMA, PRINCESS OF THE HELLS is *no one's* subordinate and ALSO she got pissed at some of Lae'zel's commentaries on the tieflings maybe deserving to die, because these are her people.)

14. What was your Tav's first reaction to Shadowheart?

Kitrye honestly got along wonderfully with Shadowheart, specifically because it isn't in her nature to pry. It would be like "I have a deep, dark secret that I can't tell you yet" and Kitrye would be like "Okay, fine" and then ten minutes later it would be like "HERE IS MY DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET" "Okay" and each time she didn't pry, I would get "Shadowheart approves." (She was calling Kitrye her close confidant by. Like. The goblin camp.) BFFs, quiet cleric girls forever, Shadowheart absolutely does not know Kitrye as well as she thinks she does but she's still probably the closest thing Kitrye actually has to a genuine friend who's in her corner in the camp, as opposed to "people who she does favors for and travel with her."

Malla wasn't AS close, honestly, but she saw her as a valuable ally, and she was and remains part of Malla's Standard Party. (Malla only allows a maximum of one male companion in the party, because Drow.) Both her and Kitrye are naturally suspicious people and hold their secrets close to their chests, but Malla is a little bit more...plainly distrusting and wanted more of Shadowheart's secrets earlier (and Shadowheart clashed with Malla's bestie, Lae'zel, which, before I reloaded, actually led to Shadowheart's death during the confrontation with Lae'zel, oopsie.) (Kitrye would never.)

Ana is better socially adjusted than either of them, aka she asks questions, and so gets much more prickly responses. She doesn't HATE her, but she's a lot more wary.

22. What is your Tav's first impression of the other companions (Astarion, Gale, Karlach, Wyll ...)

Astarion

Astarion and Kitrye? Worsties. Every time I would be like "THIS is the point where Kitrye warms up to Astarion", they just. Ended up hating one another more. They didn't actually ever get below the bad side of neutral, but like. He was constantly disapproving. She was willing to keep him in camp even after he revealed himself as a vampire, but she made it clear her neck was off limits.

Astarion and Malla? She's seen weirder, he was a valuable ally, even if he was a man, and so she never had a problem with him (though she did just. Interact with him rarely enough in Act 2 that she was able to just? Break Yurgir's contract? Without him being pissed?) She's actively toying with letting him ascend for the power. They're not ridiculously close, even though he tends to approve of her actions.

Astarion and Ana? Regrettably, chaotic besties who are also sleeping with one another and might develop more. I didn't even want them to sleep together but regrettably, they had too much chemistry. God help us all. Faerûn is not prepared for whatever comes from this.

Gale

Kitrye and Gale, despite how their arc ended up, started off on great terms. She liked having someone who agreed with her heroic actions, and she naturally likes wizards anyway. Don't. Don't think about her sacrificing Gale and then finding out that the house wizard who was her mentor growing up was executed while she was away from Menzoberranzan. Don't. She turned down his romance because she was pining after the devil she thought they needed to focus on the task at hand, but she liked him and, honestly, didn't even hold it too much against him for keeping his secret, even though she did call him out for endangering them all. In another lifetime, those early moments could have led to a great romance, but unfortunately, Kitrye's taste in men is too shit for that and, as the story progressed, she became too distrustful of him. In some ways, I feel like he intuited more about Kitrye than Shadowheart did, but, like with Shadowheart, he truly didn't know everything that was going on under the surface. So, yeah, just very doomed and tragic all around, especially because they started off so WELL. If you'd told me from their early interactions that Kitrye would have ended up sacrificing him, I wouldn't have believed you.

Malla and Gale? Less warm and fuzzy, she saw him as rather annoying, because, again, Malla is incapable of seeing a man as an equal (she DID make the comment to Elminster about "So we get rid of the Absolute AND Gale in one fell swoop? Win/win", which I was very pleased to hear Elminster call her out on), but he was a semi-regular part of her party because, even though she had very little personal respect for him, she IS used to having a house wizard. I did have her stay with him that night stargazing, just because. Even Malla has standards.

Ana...I wouldn't say thinks about Gale that much. She saved him, she gives him artifacts and doesn't really care about it, he's useful, he's there, but she just doesn't have a really interesting dynamic with him one way or another. She's definitely grown up hearing whispers of what her mother had to do the first time around and she's definitely committed to saving him, but she's too busy having the messy personal life you'd expect of Raphael's Spawn.

Karlach

Karlach and Kitrye...Kitrye helps her out, but, like with ALL of her companions, there's. A lot that Karlach doesn't and can't know, specifically as of Act 3 but even going as far back as their first meeting. She cares for her deeply, she likes having a friendly companion who cares about other people, but she's also wary of how hotheaded Karlach is, because that's a danger. A lot of Kitrye's work has involved a combination of diplomacy, strategy, and a lot of smiting when the other two have either failed or been deployed -- she doesn't know how to work with a barbarian class fighter. (She still picks up and gives Karlach every teddy bear she can get.) I'd planned on killing Karlach off at the end of Kitrye's run, I had actually written out a great monologue that Kitrye was supposed to give to Zariel in a fanfic set postcanon...but after losing Gale, I knew that Kitrye wasn't going to lose another companion.

Karlach and Malla is easy -- Karlach found Malla after Malla may or may not have committed Crimes that led to the Grove being raided (the Tieflings were already dead, fwiw, Malla did NOT commit genocide...she just set things up so that the druids committed genocide, MASSIVE difference), Malla was able to persuade her to not attack...and then Karlach said "fuck you" and one thing about Malla is that, unlike Kitrye, who takes a lot of insults quietly, she does *not*, and so she killed her and now she wears her camp clothing. (It suits her tbh.) RIP Karlach. We barely knew you.

Karlach and Ana have a bit of chemistry, along the same lines as Ana has with e v e r y o n e. (No, really, never have I considered installing a poly romance mod so strongly.) Karlach's boisterous and friendly nature works really well with Ana's, and Ana has to appreciate a woman who's response to almost anything is "FUCK YES".

Wyll

Kitrye knew Something was up with Wyll from the beginning -- not in a way of him being EVIL, but in a way of knowing that there was more to his story than he was letting on. Because she could recognize an eldritch blast when she saw one, recognized the sending stone in his eye, drew the connection that he was a warlock, and drew the connection from THAT that his source was very likely his patron, and so she used privately "killed" and then resurrected Karlach to shut Mizora up and then convinced Wyll to listen to Karlach. She saw a man who was incredibly earnest, not evil or monstrous, but also who was in over his head. Who does THAT sound like, Kitrye?

Wyll just...disappeared with Malla. Because she was too busy getting Drow Girlfriend points, then the whole "oopsie committed a genocide" thing happened, and he just. Disappeared. No body, but he's nowhere to be seen. RIP Wyll.

Ana could, like her mother before, recognize a devilish pact when she saw one, and she also used that exploit, but since this was post-patch, Mizora was unfortunately smarter and still gave Wyll the Tiefling horns. She's been supportive of him in his attempts to get used to the changes -- in many ways, he represents a sort of ideal that she doesn't think she could ever have or want, someone who IS heroic and who believes the best in people, but she's also wary because. She isn't JUST Not A Regular Tiefling, she is the daughter of a man who both Wyll and Karlach HATE and who, in her own timeline, is Archdevil Supreme. (And it's vital to note that she DOES love her father. Despite everything about their relationship, complete with her doing everything she possibly can to piss him off....she does love her father.) Anyway, quite a love triangle brewing. Can't wait to see the carnage.

Halsin (Bonus)

Kitrye...respected Halsin's knowledge of the natural world, as an alchemist. He reminds her of what her father could have lived to be (he is only a couple of decades older than Kitrye, but he's still lived longer than her father had), and so there's...a sense of trepidation there, almost? Regrettably, still not old enough for her tastes. Ngl, along with Minsc, she did the least with him.

Malla...actually freed him, as a bear from the cell, because she isn't MINDLESSLY cruel, but also then he just...disappeared. I hear that if you free him and raid the Grove, he's supposed to come after a couple of long rests to take revenge...but he never did. Also in the second act we had the option to say he was dead, so I guess he's dead. RIP Halsin.

Ana doesn't really HAVE much of an impression of him beyond "guy who might have what I need." A little too...paternal for her tastes. (And not in a "daddy" way.)

Minthara (bonus)

Kitrye was a strange type of conflicted between "talks shit about me being a 'half-breed'" and also, as a Paladin of Eilistraee, WANTING to convert Minthara and show her the world above. But also. She had to die for racism crimes. Kitrye took her armor and used it throughout the first act up until Grymforge, and it really represented her starting to come to terms with her identity in a way she hadn't. She didn't regret it, not really, but it was a really important moment for her character development.

Malla...kind of started to fall for Minthara BEFORE first sight, becoming intrigued the second she heard about a Drow woman leading the goblins and only becoming more so when she actually met the woman in person. I like to think that she actually first heard of Minthara on Menzoberranzan, since Minthara was very much part of high society there. I don't think they KNEW one another or bumped into one another, but Malla might have had a certain respect for her beforehand. Malla actually willingly defied Lolth's command to kill apostates by letting Minthara live, and Minthara, in turn, let her live after they slept together. (#Romance).

Ana...didn't have the personal connection that either of the Symryvvin girls had (though now I'm going to have to revise that because like. OBVIOUSLY in the timeline now, Ana would have to be aware of her Aunt Minthara), she was plotting to murder Ana's people, she had to go down, and she didn't think twice about it. She briefly wore Minthara's armor like Kitrye did, only to meet Raphael and switch it out for the bardic attire she'd been wearing. (I like to think that Raphael told her to STOP trying to mindlessly follow in her mother's footsteps.) (She still wields Phalar Aluve like her mother, though.)

[sharinganqueen22]

1x1 The Originals RP

RULES:

Rules:

1: if you don't like 50/50 mixture of sex scenes and story, don't bother hopping into my inbox. I'm fine with sex scenes, but when it's constantly back to back, the roleplay itself gets boring.

2: Be literate. No one liners. I like to write..it's annoying when I send a 2-3 paragraph response and I get 3 lines...just...no. I am not accepting people who are just starting out! If you aren't experienced in writing or roleplaying, kindly stay out of my inbox.

3: Be okay with playing canon characters. I'm mainly doing fandom roleplays right now and it's going to be Canon x my oc. No, I'm not doing double ups. Do not even ask, because the answer will be no every time. I do not give a shit if you think that makes me 'lazy' or 'selfish', if you've got a problem, you can simply ignore or block me. Commenting on my post to bitch and whine about me not doubling up will only result in me blocking you. The ONLY time I'll double up, and if I'm confident enough, I'll only do female characters. I suck at males. Got a problem? Not my issue. Block and move on.

4: Roleplay in third person. I can't and won't adapt to first. Don't even bring up the idea of you playing first person and me playing third. Believe it or not, I've been asked this twice and that is just a hell no for me. The only time I do first, is when I'm writing into my book.

5: if you don't know how to share ideas, then don't bother messaging me. I'm tired of carrying the story when the other person doesn't help. If you've got ideas, then PLEASE speak up! Your opinion on the roleplay matters too! I'm an easy going person, and easy to get along with (dispite my rules).

6: DO NOT control my character. I control what she says, does, hears, sees, ect. I don't control yours, so don't control mine. HOWEVER, if it's highly necessary and needed, then run it by me first and ask me. Just leave me some wiggle room so I can make a decent response. Failure to comply by this rule, results in immediate drop of the rp.

P.L.O.T

Klaus Mikaelson, the name that could bring fear to any man, woman, or even a child if they had heard his stories about what all he has done while walking on the face of this planet....everyone was terrified of the man...everyone except for Callie. She had saw something inside him, something nobody else saw and wouldn't run from him, no matter how many times he tried to convince her, that he was the devil himself.

It all started one day at a formal party she was forced to attend by her friends. While she was standing there bored as could be, she noticed that some of the originals, were staying right at her. Ignoring the looks, she just proceeded with whatever she was doing, which was minding her own business. That was until klaus came up, and asked her to dance. She granted his request, and the two danced the night away, both of them falling for one another.

Months went on as the two kept seeing each other. Even with the rumors and stories about him were flying around and spreading like wild fire, she wouldn't listen...she stuck to his side and never once saw him as the monster everyone claimed he was. Two years go by as the two were still happy as could be. She kept him out of trouble, and he was her protector. Klaus finally popped the question and had asked her to marry him, of course, Callie was over the moon for the man and said yes.

Everything was perfect. She loved klaus with every fiber of her being, and had gotten extremely close to his siblings. Although, she had a secret of her own....the secret? She was pregnant with his child...that night, she was planning on telling him the good news, that the man she had fallen deeply in love with, was going to be a father. However, things took a turn for the worse when she overheard him talking to someone, claiming that he didn't love her, and never would. Hearing those words shattered her heart into nothing.. all she knew was that she had to leave. She pretended to be fine for the rest of the night until everyone was asleep.

The moment everyone was asleep, she vanished and faked her own dead due to being a witch, never to be seen, or heard from again. While her heart was still breaking over and over again like a broken record that wouldn't stop, she seeked help from the one person klaus feared the most....Mikael Mikaelson. She had told him what had happened, and begged him to use compulsion on her, to make her forget about klaus and everyone else in his family. With Mikael knowing what great pain this would cause klaus, he gladly did what she asked, and wiped her memory clean.

Four months had gone by since that tragic day. Callie had made sure that she had covered her tracks before she had Mikael erase everything. She is now four months pregnant with the hybrids baby, living in mystic falls and working at the local bar/grill. What happens when klaus happens to be in the town of mystic falls and sees that the woman he loved is still alive? Will she run from him? Or will she be forced to remember the heart breaking past she tried so desperately hard to forget?

S.T.A.R.T.E.R

Dark clouds set over the small town of mystic falls as it thunders in the background and starts pouring down rain. Callie would heave out a soft sigh as her ice blue eyes look out the window, water droplets slowly rolling down the glass. "Great....looks like I'm walking to work...." She said softly underneath her breath and puts on her. work uniform.

Callie grabs her oversized hoodie and slips it over her four month old baby bump and pulls her hood up over her head. "Ima strangle matt....he could've given me a lift..." She said to herself and walked out of her house, locking the front door. Thankfully, she didn't live far from the grill, so it shouldn't be that bad...or so she thought. 15 minutes go by as she walks into the bar soaked. Matt turns his head to say something, followed by a chuckle about ready to come out, that was until Callie quickly shot him the 'shut the fuck up or I'll beat you with a pool noodle' look. The glare seemed to work as he quickly looked away.

Callie walks over behind behind the bar and goes into the back. The moment she steps foot to the back, the door opens, revealing the two most dangerous people of the originals. ...klaus, and Elijah. The color quickly drained out of Matts face, trying to figure out how to get Callie out without her being spotted. Course, that idea didn't go as he hoped cause Callie walks back out, wearing a dry uniform she stole in the back that was 10x her size.

"Good thing I told you to keep spare uniforms. Mine was drenched." She had laughed lowly while Matt remained silent, keeping his eyes on the two originals. Not knowing what was going on, or why Matt was acting strange, she doesn't think anything of it and looks at Elijah and klaus, flashing her usual kind smile she'd give anyone. "Excuse my friend, he isn't normally that silent....what can I get for you two?" She tilted her head to the left out of curiosity, awaiting an answer, but dispite the memory loss, she couldn't help shake the feeling of the fear that was running through her veins while the tiny hairs on the back of her neck was standing straight up.

[wroammin]

happy father’s day to everyone’s favorite father figure figment, patton “morality” sanders. in celebration, please accept some fatherly headcanons:

pat tries to spend time with virgil like an actual dad would, but finding an activity they both like is a bit difficult

virgil wants to sit in silence and ponder over his existence, while patton would much prefer chatting & making friendship bracelets together

both of them eventually learn to compromise, and they now enjoy their weekly hang-outs consisting of silent charades (if virgil doesn’t feel like talking but patton feels like doing something fun) or just lying down on the floor to chat (if patton feels like talking but virgil feels like chilling out at the same time)

now, since logan’s a teacher, pat calls every single one-on-one conversation that he has with lo a PTO meeting. logan hates it.

one day, however, when logan happens to notice that patton is feeling a bit down, he asks him if he needs to have a PTO meeting (and he even offers to bring cookies). from that point on, it then becomes their regular code word for whenever they need to talk. patton loves it.

when roman asks him to attend his staged plays or musicals in the mind palace, like the supportive parent he tries to be, patton goes to every single one

and after every single one, pat always gives him a standing ovation & asks roman to sign his imaginary playbill (which roman ever-so-graciously agrees to do each time)

then, patton usually gushes to roman about all of the parts that he liked and listens to ro explain all of the work and effort that went into the whole show

once, after a particularly wonderful performance of romeo & juliet (which roman somehow adapted in order to make a one-man show), patton ended his awed & teary rant about the whole show with a well-meaning, “i’m proud of you, kiddo”

surprisingly, instead of going off on a tangent about how what pat should really be proud of was the lighting or the costumes or something else entirely, roman was shocked into silence. he excused himself, leaving a very bewildered patton behind, and as soon as he thought he was out of earshot, screamed as loudly as he could with complete jubilation

patton heard his scream. after realizing it was a happy shriek, pat decided that he could probably say he was proud of roman a little more often going forwards. but he should probably bring a pair of earmuffs to do it.

[awake-my-oceans]

Kaito as the detective and shin as the Kid (shrinking optional)

(Send me an AU and I’ll tell you five headcanons about it)

Robin, you‘ve talked about how the Phandom makes you write like you‘re possessed, and I‘m starting to get what you mean. Literally nothing in DCMK comes to me without it turning into A Monster. Anyways, roleswap Kaito and Shinichi!

Ok so the thing is this could actually work with canon backstories. Kaito’s whole thing is about honoring his dad and catching the guys who killed him, which translates fairly easily into detective work—particularly if he doesn’t know about the Kaitou Kid bit right away. Shinichi is……a bit harder, but he canonically rolls with the weirdest stuff. If you get the right setup, him being Kaitou KID isn’t that much of a stretch.

I know it’s headcanon time but shhhh this is an interesting premise and I have to figure out how we got here.

Ok, so Kaito doesn’t always pick up nuanced crime scene clues, but he reads people really really well. So when he accidentally runs into Jii, and the mention of his father comes up, Jii winces, pained, and Kaito goes “what do you know you absolutely know something and I won’t drop this” and doesn’t let Jii rest until Jii admits that Kuroba Toichi was murdered. Boom, off we go. Nakamori Ginzo half-raised him ever since Toichi died, so it’s a reasonable jump to go straight into detective work. Kaito can’t always read a crime scene, and frankly, the bodies are unsettling to the point of nausea, but he sure can read everyone’s reactions to the body, and, well, some people are only pretending to grieve. What does this madlad do? Does he teach himself to carefully examine all evidence for clues? Well, yes, but that comes later. Right now, he jumps straight into impersonating the deceased’s voice and mannerisms and accusing everyone and, well, people do tend to have nervous breakdowns and confessions when suddenly confronted with their victim’s ghost. Good, Kaito thinks, remembering how much he’s mourned his father. They deserve it.

Off he goes. He’ll get more and more relevant information over time, but that’s about as slow-burn as canon. Meanwhile, he’s making a name for himself as a medium for the dead.

Meanwhile Shinichi’s come across the reports of Kuroba Toichi’s death, and, well, this is definitely a cover up. A few too-close runs later, he realizes it was a cover up from inside the legal system, and that those people are still very much in power. He has a crisis for all of like two days before realizing that Sherlock Holmes took a legally “flexible” approach to confronting in-house corruption, and, well, if Sherlock Holmes can do it then he can too. Sufficient off-the-record digging, plus talking with his dad (who is also, ah, legally flexible), brings up the whole Kaitou Kid thing and look, playing Kaitou Kid was supposed to be a one-time thing to bait people out of the woodwork, but one thing led to another, and here Shinichi is, moonlighting as a dead thief.

Shinichi isn’t more than competent at magic tricks, but he has a few things in his favor here. 1) both Agasa and Jii are helping him, and their team up is a force to behold. Jii keeps the ideas practical, and Agasa makes the ideas work. 2) Shinichi’s dad absolutely knew the last Kaitou Kid inside out, and he’s giving Shinichi helpful pointers. 3) Shinichi may not be good at doing magic, but he’s absolutely incredible at reading and anticipating the police, having a flawless alibi, and leaving no evidence on-scene. Plus, he’s still working his “day job” as a detective, so he also gets stupidly easy access to department gossip, security layouts, and other classified information.

Headcanon time!

Kaito has his beginning of canon meltdown of “EXCUSE ME, this thief is claiming to be the best magician around and he’s WRONG because my DAD was the best.” This is even more vehement because his dad is a more painful topic overall, given that he was murdered. That said, he’s not going to give this thief the time of day because he’s got more important things to do, like catch the murderers. However, Shinichi-in-disguise is casing a building when someone gets murdered there, and Kaito’s like “what is up with this guy.” Shinichi does pause and lend a hand when Kaito gets stuck, because murder is murder no matter what face he’s wearing. After the case is solved, Kaito’s trying to figure out who on earth this is when he realizes it’s Kaitou Kid. But the guy did just help solve a murder. And when he snarls that his father was the better magician, Kaitou Kid just bows his head and agrees. So Kaito has no idea what to make of this dude. Meanwhile Shinichi’s inner dialogue is just “it’s Toichi’s kid, does he know—NOPE HE SURE DOESN’T, UH, WHAT DO I DO??!”

Kaitou Kid respecting Toichi and admiring Kaito’s magic is a recurring thing, much to Kaito’s bemusement. Like. He can tell that it’s genuine, not a way to throw him off guard, although it’s sure doing that, too. One time Kaitou Kid pauses a heist to help with a case, which leads to Kid almost getting caught. Kaito’s still got a lot of complicated feelings around Kid, but it’s not fair that Kid’s getting arrested just because he had the decency to help stop a murderer. So Kaito covers for Kid with a rather good magic trick that “Kid” performs. Kid escapes, but not before giving Kaito the strangest layered look Kaito’s ever seen. He doesn’t even know what was in all those layers, just that there was a lot of grief and that there were upwards of ten layers in there.

Kaito and Shinichi catch onto each other faster than in canon. This is mainly because their weak spots are more obvious to an expert—Kaito’s definitely not talking to ghosts to solve cases, thinks Shinichi the Savior of the Police Force, and Kid’s definitely got a hidden agenda that’s only almost perfectly covered up, thinks Kaito the Undisputed Expert of Poker Face. Kaito has a very rough go of things when he finds out in rapid succession that 1) Kid’s trying to hunt down murderers via a system that might actually be stranger than talking to “ghosts,” 2) Kid’s looking for who killed Kuroba Toichi specifically, and 3) Kuroba Toichi was actually the original Kid. After that, Kid being a teenage detective is just—whatever. Sure. Why not.

There’s a huge police betting pool on what will happen when Kudou “everything has a rational explanation” Shinichi, and Kuroba “I literally talk to ghosts” Kaito meet. Everyone’s sure there will be conflict—people are just trying to work out how it will go down. Turns out that they get on like a house on fire, but to everyone’s great surprise, the houses they set on fire are all criminals, and they don’t try to set each other’s houses on fire at all. Except for Megure. Megure makes bank.

Turns out that when you have two detectives and two phantom thieves on hand, things get done with furious efficiency. Kaito and Shinichi take turns being Kaitou Kid, depending on whose skill set is most useful. Kaito’s better at dodging bullets and at doing insane magic. Shinichi’s better at forcing the snipers to reveal themselves and at getting the police to notice exactly the right things about the snipers. On a detective front, half the Organization’s convinced that 1) their dead victims are actively sabotaging them and 2) if their victims don’t get them, Kudou Shinichi certainly will.

Honestly, from an outside POV, the back third of this series would just be “there are GHOSTS and we are going to DIE and also reality is bending anytime Kaitou Kid shows up—“

RIP to all the undercover agents in the Organization. They’re about to have a Ride.

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[rainbow-shine]

the odyssey of labels, pins and acceptance

@spnprideweek's day 1: coming out/flags

Here’s the thing.

Dean didn’t exactly come out to anyone. And that wasn’t his fault, not entirely at least. After all, he spent much of his life denying the existence of that part of himself, that by the time he could finally begin to accept that what he felt wasn’t as bad as his father always wanted him to believe, well, it no longer seemed necessary to go through an experience that was aimed mainly at teenagers.

Also, Dean didn't need a label to know that he was totally and utterly in love with a man. Dean had accepted his feelings for Cas, at least on a subconscious level, long before he even began to come to terms with his sexuality.

Besides, all the people he cared about knew to some degree that he wasn’t straight (being married to an angel in a man's body hardly left any room for doubt) and he finally felt comfortable in his own skin, without having to prove anything to anyone and without having a script to follow. He had finally gotten off the hamster wheel and something as insignificant as having to label himself wasn’t going to ruin his much-deserved happiness, thank you very much.

Or so he thought until he saw those stupid pins.

Cas had texted him in the middle of his shift at the workshop complaining that he needed more seeds from a flower that grew specifically during this time of year and Dean who since their relationship began after a very epic interdimensional rescue was simply unable to deny his angel anything, ended up making a quick stop at the store after work.

And that's when he saw them.

In any other circumstance Dean probably wouldn’t have noticed them, but considering that it was june and apparently this month was important for the LGTB community, next to the checkout there were a series of pins representing the flags of the different sexual orientations. Dean watched them for a second, wondering which flag would be the one for him before forcing himself out of stupor, paying for the seeds that Cas needed and practically running towards the store's exit.

What did it matter which flag would be the one for him? It's not like at some point he has even bothered to think of a label that he feels comfortable with. Furthermore, he was no longer a teenager discovering the world for the first time and taking pride in sharing with the world who he really was. His chance for that had already passed.

But had he really pass it? Dean remembers a vague conversation he overheard of Claire and Jody about how there wasn't an age to try to figure out who you are and that it was okay to even spend years trying.

Dean had always known that he was attracted to women, with their soft curves and charming smiles. But he also had to admit that on more than one occasion he had been curious about men with strong arms, a stubble brushing against his face and a deep voice.

(Though now that he thought about it, his current thoughts regarding his attraction to men may have been biased because of Cas.)

By the time Dean arrived at the small house he shared with Cas and occasionally with Jack (the fact that your son was god is more or less as if he was studying abroad and only came home for the holidays), the subject had completely ruined his good mood and he knew he had to do something about it before Cas looked at him with his bright blue eyes full of concern and started asking questions that Dean still had no answers for.

"Here are the seeds," was the first thing Dean said when he entered the house and found Cas sitting on the couch, fully focused on a book. With an involuntary smile curving his lips, Dean approached his husband and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead in greeting, his previous thoughts almost completely forgotten.

“Did you have a good day?” Cas asked, giving him a soft smile and tilting his head slightly in a clear invitation that Dean didn't even bother to resist, connecting their lips in a brief kiss.

"Yeah" Dean replied, kissing his husband a second time to erase the frown of concern that had taken over Cas' expression at his unconvincing response before heading up to the bathroom to take a shower and start making dinner.

Following his routine helped Dean ignore his little crisis in the store and by the time he was playfully hitting Cas with the spoon to stop his husband from stealing more pieces of cheese that were meant to melt above the pasta, the subject had been all but forgotten.

But see, Cas wasn’t only his husband, he was also his best friend and probably the person who knew him best in the whole wide world, so when they were both laying in bed, preparing to sleep until their respective alarms woke them up, Dean must have expected that the subject would resurface.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas asked, sounding so genuinely concerned that Dean couldn't help but lean in to capture his lips in a soft kiss. When the kiss ended, Dean spent a few seconds trying to organize his thoughts so that he could answer honestly.

"It's stupid," he decided to say, if he couldn't pretend he was okay, he would at least try to get them to ignore the subject.

"Nothing you can say is stupid," Cas murmured, placing a series of quick kisses on his face. Then, with an amused smile taking over his lips, he added: “Well, except when you say that western movies are actually good”.

“They are!”

"Whatever you say, dear".

Knowing that he probably wouldn't be able to look at Cas in the face as he made this stupid confession, Dean pulled his husband's body more firmly against him before hiding his face in the curve of Cas’ neck, breathing in the soothing scent of cotton and sunshine that was just Cas to calm down.

"I think…" Dean began, clearing his throat to force his voice to formulate the words. He had absolutely no idea why this was so difficult for him. “I think I’m bisexual".

Now, Dean had expected many reactions from Cas: from the typical "duh" as it was obvious that Dean had to be something other than straight to be in a relationship with a man, to an overwhelming and emotional reaction like the ones that he had seen on TV, or even an indifferent or confused reaction.

Dean hadn't expected this.

Cas held him tighter for a few seconds before slightly pulling away from him, cradling his face in his hands and gazing at him with the deepest adoration anyone could ever feel. Cas gave him a soft smile before leaning in to capture his lips in a tender kiss with which he seemed to want to convey all his love for him.

"Thank you," Cas said, surprising Dean even more. “Thank you for trusting me with this part of you”.

And that was it.

Dean felt like a weight that he didn’t even know he was carrying was lifted from his back and, although he would deny it to the grave, he felt his eyes water at the sudden wave of love he felt for the man in his arms.

The next time he was in the store, Dean didn't even hesitate before buying the pin of the pink, purple and blue striped flag.

[the-charlie-ryan-saga]

How did Stanley/Andreas and Smudger/Albert become best friends? What r Andreas/Albert backstories, all I remember correctly is that Albert has a pet cat and Andreas was married?(is his partner dead?divorced?) and hates cats

I'm sorry if I'm not as enthusiastic as I used to be, I'm currently hyperfixated on TUGS, but I'm still willing to share.

I do gotta give a clear warning for alcohol use, cheating and miscarriages.

ALSO ALL AU DETAILS ARE SET IN THE 1970-80s AND SOME STORY ELEMENTS ARE BOUND TO CHANGE.

The entire thing after the cut: ↓↓↓

1) How did Stanley/Andreas and Smudger/Albert become best friends?

Okay so like, I'm gonna start with Stanley and Andreas because that's the one I have hyperfixated the most and has the most history.

Actually, Andreas and Stanley had a rivalry at first. This was mainly because Stanley was American, and honestly, both Atlas and Andreas had a distain for Americans, so yeah. Andreas worked as a janitor and Stanley an English teacher.

Andreas usually watched the other secretly, and whenever the two did get a chance to talk, it was usually Andreas acting sly and Stanley, the cranky mess he was, getting explosive and defensive.

Luckily nothing got physical, actually before anything did between them, Stanley had gotten physical with Atlas and was fired the next day.

Andreas, luckily, kept his job, and while it was lonely, he didn't mind it.

One night, however, Stanley was doing his usual nightly drinking at a pub, trying to cope with losing his job, and his overall mental health. It wasn't until Andreas came in and saw the hungover wreck, and sat next to him. We'll get into why Andreas was there in the first place later.

Andreas talks to the fellow, and while Stanley is snarky, he warms up to the guy after the two start talking for a while. They start connecting and soon enough, the two are drunk and shit and joking around.

The two talk for a bit, whatever comes into mind when you think of two drunken dudes having a conversation, and Andreas asks if he can crash at Stanley's place, and once again, we'll get into why later. Stanley agrees, mainly cause Stanley's house isn't that too far away from the pub.

So yeah, the two arrive at Stanley's place, talk a bit, joke around, and eventually, fall asleep. The next morning, when the two had sobered up, they talk for a while, and then Andreas asks Stanley if they can put the Mid Sodor behind them, and try to be friends, which Stanley agrees to.

So now, they're best friends, and when any chance, you might see them drunk as shit. Ya know, for shits and giggles.

Now let's go over Smudger and Albert's friendship:

There's not much I added onto it really, so it's still unknown. I think they sort of just bumped into each other and when Smudger was comfortable with Albert, he just exploded. He exploded with telling him about his special interest and his hyperfixations, and some of his trauma.

Albert is just there like "I may not know what this hyperfixation is, but I do share a fair love for music, and I experienced trauma as well."

Smudger just listens, and because the two bond over their own love for their own interests and their trauma, the two were like "Damn you wanna be my friend?"

I'll work on this relationship more, but as of now my heart goes to the Z Stacks. 🖤🖤

2) What are Andreas/Albert's backstories?

I'll start with Andreas's backstory first:

Andreas was born in the 1940s in UK. Unspecified month, day and place of birth. His father did work in the Royal Navy (to live up with the fact the 'War Office' Hunslet 4-6-0s were built for war, so maybe Stanley's father and Andreas's father must've met once?) and his mother, unknown.

For most of his child and teenage years, he lived a pretty decent life.

To answer you question, yes! Andreas was married, sadly now divorced. Andreas got married with a woman by the name of Amy (concept name atm) in the late 1960s/early 1970s. The two were happy, until they started arguing. The concept idea was that Amy had way too many miscarriages because Andreas's sperm count was low, but obviously, you can see why that was taken out.

One of the many factors was because Andreas always worked late. He was a janitor after all, and there had to be a lot done, and of course, Amy would always be upset because this didn't allow them to spend time together.

As the arguments got worse, so did Andreas's performance, not only socially but economically. He was so irritable at work, and followed up with Stanley's explosive behavior it wasn't a good catch.

It wasn't until one morning, Andreas and Amy got into a humongous argument, and afterwards Andreas had to leave for work. Later that night, when Andreas got back, he noticed Amy wasn't anywhere, that wasn't until he got into their room and saw Amy with another man.

Andreas was rightfully devastated, and with Amy trying to explain herself, trying to justify her actions, it just didn't make anything better. He just simply got in his car and left, driving to a place he didn't know, and that's when he decided he would drive to a pub, and yeah. MAJOR yikes on my part as this is just silly, and while yes this can happen, this just doesn't sit right with me as of now.

He stays in his car for a bit before getting out, obviously devastated and stressed. As he got inside, he noticed Stanley and - well you know the rest.

Now time for Albert's:

Albert was also born in the 1940s in the UK, mainly in Wales and once again, unspecified date, month, and place of birth.

Albert grew up in a pretty rich home, mainly due to Albert's parents being musicians and making 🅱️ank because of it. He wasn't spoiled, more pressured during his life. His parents were pretty strict on him, wanting him to get the best grades, to go to a great big college and to be as great as them.

Obviously, this caused Albert a lot of stress growing up, and some time during his college, he just got very burned out and tired.

Albert then applied as a music teacher for the Mid Sodor, but obviously wasn't a good one, as he was prone to anger and told every kid who did something he didn't approve of that they were doing wrong despite them being kids. Obviously what his parents did to him as a child.

It was also that while yes he has music experience, due to the stress and being burned out, he just didn't play well, backtracking what it said in his application.

He was fired, and after some time being unemployed, he met Smudger and yeah.

Also the cat things aren't important. Albert loves cats cause growing up he had a Persian cat. As an adult, he got himself a cat and since then it's been a comfort thing for him. Andreas doesn't like cats because of their shedding, litter stuff, and of course, the scratching they do.

Thank you for the ask. 💜

[arty-shadow-morningstar]

Treasure Hunter AU

I binged watch the Mummy trilogy while i had no wifi/internet for a while and I had an idea for a treasure hunter Mari with Daminette.

--------

Damian was bored.(age: 22-28 years old.)

At a gala party.

Meets Marinette who was equally bored.(abt the same age as D)

He finds out she was the finder of this famous artifact on display.

-----

Damian tugged at his collar, scanning the crowd. His father needed a plus one to show up with and everyone else were busy.

He grabbed a champagne flute and made his way to the edge of the room.

He found a woman in a black evening gown, looking as bored as he felt. short dark hair. Blue eyes.( I suck at describing people after the third time doing it. It feels overrated)

"Hello, stranger. You bored with mingling in with the assholes on their high horses?"

"Should I be offended?"

"We will see. Depends on you."

"How about you? A beautiful lady like you not kissing up their asses to climb the social ladder. That is strange."

She made a face. "Trust me. I don't want to be here but my friend wanted family time so I came in his place. What about you? Why are you here?"

"I am pretty sure my father wanted someone to get him out if the vultures came too close."

"Vultures, adept descriptions. I am glad no one realized who I am yet or i would be in their claws."

"Who are you representing, anyways?"

"Myself but Adrien or Kagami usually comes in my place but tonight, they have their son's play to go to."

"Adrien and Kagami. Aren't they the Agreste-Tsrungi?"

"Yep."

"You are the Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Globe trotting Treasure hunter and also world-class designer, MDC."

"Now you know. What's your name, handsome stranger?"

"You don't know?"

"Hey. Like you said globetrotting treasure hunter. I am not up-to-date on the news front. And when I am in Paris to do designer stuff, i am too busy to look at the news."

He gave her his hand, "Damian Wayne. Son of Bruce Wayne who is a billionaire and owns Wayne Enterprise."

She shook it.

"Pleased to meet you."

She stills design but like sent her designs to Adrien at least once every month, who had rebranded Gabriel to Miraculous Designs.

Some ppl thinks he did it to spite his father, who is in jail. Adrien and Mari has a partnership thing.

Mari also makes clothes but for a few months. And the rest of the time is spent travelling.

Exclusive designs from MDC are rare but the designs hand made by her are rarer so they are like a really big deal. They have the most amazing details. Really expensive and limited edition.

The rest of the time Mari spends finding Miraculouses (Miraculi ?) lost in the world so if she happens to find a few priceless artifacts that aren't the Miraculous. She donates it.

Alix helps and sometimes go find them with her.

She has Tikki and Plagg and maybe Wyazz all the time to look for curses and counter it.

She has also met John Constantine. They have an arrangement of sorts. A few magical artifacts that doesn't have to Miraculous business are given to him in exchange for any miraculous stuff he has or found.

Adrien funds her trips.

He is married to Kagami.

Kagami goes with Mari and Alix for a few months sometimes. Adrien likes being a stay at home dad.

Their kid is named Marin/Martin because it was Mari who got them together.

The few trips Mari dragged him on was enough to make him stay behind and run the business.

(Back to the story) Damian fangirled a little because Mari had been doing stuff like this since she was 18.

It was an amazing reputation she has.

She invites him to her next trip after questioning his skill sets.

------

"Are you good with heights, dark scary places and adventuring into the unknown?"

"Yes"

"You any good with guns, swords, knives, booby traps and keeping calm under pressure?"

"Yes. I have many experiences with them."

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes. Why are you asking me this?"

"Wanna join me on my next trip to the jungle of China? There are myths about some hidden temple."

------

Damian was a little conflicted.

He hadn't have the chance to explore the world much. He had been somewhere else for a mission (for the League of Shadows or JL business) but never for pleasure.

Being a vigilante by night and working at Wayne Enterprise by day gets a little boring after some years.

His brothers had a chance to travel the world on their own for a while. Sure, for reasons other than sight-seeing and looking for something to break out of the rut he was in. But still.

This was an exciting opportunity but a tad suspicious.

-----

"Why me?"

She looked surprised at that.

"Oh. Well, my friends enjoy coming with me on my adventures, treasure hunting and all that every now and then except Adrien but they have other things in their life to come with me all the time. I can mostly survive on my own most of the time but it gets lonely travelling on my own and it's nice if someone is there to watch my back. I understand if you don't want to come. It's just that I enjoy your company and you aren't like those assholes on their high horses. My gut feeling says I can trust you. You are not after the treasure or see it as one big game. You are looking for an escape. You would definitely catch me if I fall. As you know from my choice of friends, i have a bad habit of pulling rich kids from their stuffy lifestyle and take them on potentially life-threatening adventures." She joked. Then she lowered her voice, "Besides, it might be handy having a former assassin around."

She said in Arabic.

His hand went to his hidden knife and found it not there.

"Looking for this?" She said, holding it.

"How much do you know?" He hissed back in the same language.

"Relax," she gave back the knife, "my mother was one and I have accidentally came across a few in my adventures. I know one when i see one. I took a stab in the dark with your middle-eastern background. Speaking of, you know Talia Al Ghul by any chance."

He narrowed his eyes.

"She's my mother. Why?"

"You look like her. Met her a few times. Nice lady but scary. Mine's Sabine Cheng, goes by the Blue Reaper." She said it so casually like their parents weren't dangerous deadly assassins and had normal jobs.

"You aren't normal, are you?"

"What gave it away?"

"That you willingly gave away blackmail material to me."

"Normal people don't have assassins for mothers. And you and me aren't exactly meeting the minimum standards for normal. Besides, I just told you a family secret that you would have found out anyways with a through background search and a little digging. So far all I know about you is that your parents are Talia Al Ghul and Bruce Wayne-I wonder how an assassin got together with a billionaire-, you are a former League of Shadows assassin, you are great with weapons, keeping secrets and so far meeting the criteria for an adventure buddy. That's all I swear. And that you have some pets. A cat, maybe."

"How you know about my cat?!"

"Cat hair on your clothes." She was good. "If it will ease your mind about me, you can ask me 5 questions that I will truthfully answer. "

"So why are you doing this?"

"That's question 1. Well, I really want whatever this is between us to work. Partners, Friends, Companions, Comrades. Whatever you want to call it. Like I said, I get lonely sometimes and need some human interaction to at least keep myself sane. You looked like you want to be somewhere else and I thought this is perfect. I am not going to tell anyone about you or push you to join me. I swear on my mother's sword."

"Are we killing anybody?"

"Mostly I try to avoid that as much as possible. Sometimes I get into situations with no other alternative. " She looked away guiltily.

"Fair enough."

"Not judging me for that. That's a first for me."

"I am a former assassin and have killed before. I have no right to condemn you for your past."

"How much are you willing to tell me about this hidden temple?"

"That has to do with a secret. I would tell you more when there are less ears around. But this temple was said to hold a magic jewel that grants some powers and it is located really deep in the jungle. Getting there might take months."

"You forgot to mention that last one."

"Oh yeah. You think you can get away for some months. This kind of stuff usually takes a while. Like I said before, no pressure. Anyway, 2 questions left."

"What's my salary?"

"Aren't you a billionaire?"

"My father is. I have a trust fund and I get a salary for doing my job at the company. You are lucky that I just finished with most of my assigned projects so I might be able to come."

"I am so sorry about just assuming things about you. You can say no to the offer. The temple is said to hold some other treasures but I mainly want the jewel. We could auction off a few bits and pieces. I usually just donate them to museums and universities or sell them to those who really appreciate the history. I would also pay for the entire expenses for the trip."

"Can I think about this?"

"Sure. Here's my number. I leave on the 1st of next month. Gimme an answer a week before that so I can make the proper arrangements. It has been fun talking to you, Damian."

She walked away, going towards the buffet table.

------

Back in the car on the way home to the manor.

Bruce asked, "Who were you talking to for that long?"

"Who?"

"The one that gave you her number."

"Oh. MDC. She invited me to join her in China next month to find some hidden temple."

"She did?"

"Yes. Not only that she found out about mother and know what I did before I came here. She doesn't know about Batman, Robin or Crow. And she said she wasn't going to blackmail me but just wanted a companion to go with her. Ideally, it would be best to silence her before she digs any further into me but I trust her. I sincerely believe that she meant it when she said that she's not going to tell on me. And I am really tempted to take up on it."

"What do you want to do?"

"On one hand, i would be gone for months so there won't be Crow in Gotham for a while and I have a few projects I need to finish up. On the other hand. Father, I have been a vigilante for over 10 years now and I haven't really done much out besides that, school and now work. I have appreciated all you have done for me over the years. But I want to go with her. Do something that is not connected to Batman or Wayne or Al Ghul. Just a little something different for myself."

"You can go if you want. I am not going to stop you. I will make arrangements so the projects would be done by someone else. The others can cover your patrols. You are still young so it is understandable to want some fun every now and then."

"Thank you, Father."

Bruce put his hand on his shoulder.

"I am proud of you as Crow and as Damian Wayne. But if you want to go find some hidden temple in China just for a break from this life, to be just Damian, go for it. There are worse things you could do. Just tell me if you are going to go on any future trips like that." (I don't know DC much, sorry if that is a little OOC but I like good dad! Bruce.)

-------

Damian dialed the number on the card.

"Hello"

"I accept your offer, miss MDC."

"Damian? Right, text me your email address. I will sent you things you would need to pack and flight details. And can you come by to the Gotham Rose Hotel tomorrow? I will give more details on the temple."

-------

Damian comes by the hotel.

Marinette tells him of the kwamis and miraculous and makes him swear to not tell anyone unless they already know.

The hidden temple actually might have a miraculous.

Damian gets a little interested in the akuma situation she mentioned.

Mari doesn't say anything about it much.

When he got back, he goes to the Bat-computer and did some digging.

Ladybug looks a little familiar. Pulls up younger picture of Mari and look at that, she used to be a superhero.

Wonder Woman was kept informed of things and made sure no one goes to Paris without her knowing.

Zatanna helped capture the villain Hawkmoth and end his 2 year reign.

Fast forward, they are in Beijing now, sleeping off jetlag.

The next morning, They get out of the city somehow to the city limits and somewhere remote.

Mari uses Kalki and transports them to the jungle.

They set up camp. Cue Campfire stories.

-----

"I thought getting here would take months."

"No actually, finding the temple would. According to my research and the map I copied through less than legal means, it is somewhere in this general area. There used to a city around here too and the king or emperor pissed off some powerful priest or wizard, take your pick. There was a curse. The city crumbled down and the temple is the only thing standing because the king went there and prayed to the gods for protection. The one who answered his prayers and protected the temple in doing so the king was pressed into service of the god. The king did everything the god said for a while but later, he started to hate it and began disobeying the orders. The god cursed him for his disobedience. The temple he was protected in became his tomb and he was tasked to protect the chest inside the temple for the rest of eternity. Anyone who opens the chest would gain the ultimate power to rule the earth. Thankfully, we are not after the chest. Some powerful crack-head with a misused miraculous tried to find it and open the chest for more power. But he never returned. My theory is that the miraculous is still in the temple. As long as we don't wake up the king or go for the chest, we would be okay."

"What are the guns for? And How did you get them past security?"

"In case of emergencies, an army of undead was mentioned and guns are surprisingly good repellent. Well, most of the time. It's useless if there is a no weapons can kill 'it' rule. Then, it's just a stress reliever. I kept them in a pocket dimension. Makes it easier to get around."

Damian vowed to never let Marinette meet Jason. Judging by the pile of guns and occasional knives and other weapons she took out of the brown satchel which apparently holds a pocket dimension, Jason would adopt her. He wondered if that was all that was inside in.

-------

They packed up and started searching the jungle for hidden temple.

It was a month and a half before they found it.

They bonded a lot during that time.

They had a moment after drinking a little alcohol which Mari has in the pocket dimension. Or Drank a lot of alcohol and had sex.

It was awkward and they both agree to not talk about it again.

Soon after, they found the temple. But it is still a little far away.

But the temple is not the only thing they found. They also found a campsite with many people milling around. Some of them carried guns.

Somewhat rich bastard who overheard their conversation at the gala. Heard treasure and found out where Mari's next expedition is.

Had the help of some scholar who wants to be famous for the greatest find since King Tut.

They found the temple even though they had no magical help, they left 2 weeks before Mari did, so yeah.

Rich Bastard's name is 'Philip Anderson'(This sounds familiar to me for some reason and I can't find out why.) and Scholar is 'Harry Scott'

They have armed bodyguards and some 'hired' help to get the treasure.

Anderson is still rich but his company had been getting losses the past 2 years and this is a quick, easy get rich scheme.

Mari and Damian: "Rich asshole on his high horse."

Anderson doesn't know about the chest but Mari and Damian thinks he does and it was what he was after.

They set up camp a little further ahead of Anderson's

Unfortunately, they were found by Harry. Somehow.

-----

I am going to continue this when I am more awake.

[jmoriarty-221b]

So I saw somewhere a post that talked about how some fictional characters just have a divorce vibe going on, like, at no point in time were they ever married but they just give off that feeling that they got divorced

And now I can only think of Clark Kent and Lex Luthor having that vibe

And I spent close to an hour talking about this to my sibling and how it would be a good idea for a new DC show like, you can make so much money off of just the main Batfam alone and there are literally so many people in there that it’s just an amazing idea to have them all in a show together but kind of like a Good Luck Charlie kinda thing because there’s more than enough angst in the world

But in the case of not having enough of a budget for so many characters in one show I turned to the Superfam (Batfam is Huge like, I don’t even know half of the extended family version and that’s like at least ten characters so I could see why it wouldn’t be entirely feasible to have a show that included everyone while still being good with nice character development without having a billion dollars for the budget)

The Superfam, in my personal experience, is composed of Ma & Pa Kent (farm vibes plus I refuse to have either of them die in my AU), Clark Kent (main Superman), Lois Lane (Lana? was Smallville Lois i guess??? But idk enough about her so she’s not here), Jon Kent (Superboi II), Kara Danvers (Supergirl) & Conner Kent (Superboi I)

Now I’ve stopped watching CW shows like, forever ago??? But my brother kinda keeps up with them and basically the gist is that the ratings of every other show suck Except for the Superman & Lois show (because it’s 💫new💫) and I saw the cover of the poster like “Ah, the werewolf dude. . . mmmhhmmm that’s Lois yes, yes that’s Johnny boi, and um is that???? Nooooo, they wouldn’t do that to Conner right???? Please tell me they didn’t make Conner blonde” and I was informed that the blonde teen is Chris???? Like

Whoms’t do ye speak of

I’m not even joking but the only way I even know of Chris is from a random fanfic I read where Dick Grayson gets his own super from an alternate reality named Chris, that’s my only point of reference for this character

But let’s talk about how Conner Kent (OG Superboi) was excluded

Now I haven’t seen any episodes of this and I probably never will (no hate I’m just really unmotivated to start new shows at all) so idk if they might mention Conner or even allude to him in one scene or something

But this was my main motivator as to my new Superfam TV Show Idea

Have Lex Luthor not be a Superman villain, he’s mainly a successful businessman, a little shady but who isn’t, and he doesn’t want to Kill Superman, he just wants to be able to have some sort of viable protection against a Kryptonian in case of an invasion (see Man of Steel + CW’s Supergirl) or suddenly having a mind controlled Superman on their hands (see Justice League series or just look up what Red Krytonite does) so he makes it like his side thing to figure out ways to neutralize or hold back a Kryptonian, Clark totally thinks that Lex is obsessed with finding a way to kill Superman because they had a bad end to their friendship in high school so he’s always suspicious of Lex, Lex hasn’t really ever tried to kill him though because 1. It’s not that deep Clark ok? And 2. He’s a busy busy man with a very important job position and a company to run so does he look like he has time to harbor an obsession over someone who rejected him back in high school??? You’re more of a constant side quest Clark, so stop trying to put him on the JL watchlist ( btw ik about Lena Luthor, haven’t forgotten her but she doesn’t really play a part in this AU so let’s just have her and Kara off to the side doing their own thing ok? Ok)

Lex, Bruce & Oliver all knew each other when they were kids and went to the same school, this is just an extra detail I wanted to happen because Lex and Ollie definitely know Bruce is Batman and absolutely HATE having to deal with Brucie Wayne because “I know you’re just doing this to irritate me Bruce, you just want to see if you can make a vein throb in my forehead but I will valiantly ignore your dumbassery because I know you hate being Brucie just as much as we hate having to put up with Brucie so suck on that you petty bitch” because they bonded in ye olden days, childhood friends so to speak

Anyway so Cadmus tries to get Lex to make an investment in their company, seeing as Cadmus is shadier than Gotham when it rains Lex is basically like ‘no ❤️’ and doesn’t make a deal with them, Cadmus gets mad at not having Lexcorp financially backing them so Lex has an ‘accident’ and they steal his DNA, then they steal Superman’s DNA somehow and *boom* a Superboi is formed

Because I don’t know much about how the Core Four became friends in the first place (Robin Tim Drake, Impulse Bart Allen, Wonder Girl Cassie Sandsmark & Superboy Conner Kent) I’m just gonna go with what happens in the show Young Justice except it’s the Core Four becoming the Core Four when they liberated Conner (who at this point believes himself to be a clone of Superman and has only been given Superboy as a name) from Cadmus, same shit goes down meaning that Clark is just straight up NOT vibing with Conner, Conner just wants a mentor please, and the Bats kinda give Clark a passive aggressive treatment for not taking Superboy under his wing or at least agreeing to teach him how to control his powers, especially Tim because that’s his Bestie so yes

Anyway, YJ saves ppl and is on the news or whatever and Lex finds out about Superboy’s existence that way, so he researches this new super on his free time, finds out that he came from Cadmus and claims to be a clone of Superman, yet doesn’t have the whole power set Superman has??? Wait, didn’t Lex reject Cadmus’ proposal and the got into a mysterious accident??? Long story short Lex goes connecting the dots, hacks into Cadmus’ files, finds out he technically has a son with Superman and decides to take Superboy under his wing (I’ll go more in depth as to why Lex would want to do this in this AU later but the abridged version would be that he wants a kid but doesn’t have the time nor interest in finding a wife??? Also the radiation that made him bald as a kid also affected his reproductive system so while it’s not impossible for him to conceive kids he would have a very hard time actually getting to father a kid)

Him and Conner, who still goes by Superboy at this point in time, meet up and Conner finds out that here is a parent figure that is both available and actively wants to be a part of his life, so he agrees to get to know Lex and the series would focus on them becoming a family, with a special episode when Conner asks Lex for help in choosing a name for himself and it ends up with him agreeing to become Conner Luthor, it would be heartwarming and Mercy would make sure it happens within a day (Mercy is Lex’s bodyguard/PA but they’re also besties and she becomes the Responsible yet Chaotic Aunt as Lex and Conner’s father-son relationship progresses)

Obviously Clark becomes super suspicious of Lex getting close to his ‘clone’ and when Conner decides to go public as Lex’s son he’s like *GASP* and calls up Bruce because we need to get on this Bruce, Lex is a villain and blah blah blah but Bruce would be over Clark’s shit and hit him with that “actually, Lex was also an unwilling genetic donor to Superboy, who actually is not your clone either, and has agreed to take him in, I’ve been on this shit since they first met and the kid is doing just fine so if you keep poking your nose in their business then that’s your problem but you better be ready to pay child support bitch . . . have a good day ❤️”

The series would just focus on Conner getting to have a good parent figure in Lex and go more into their civilian lives rather than focusing on the superhero thing, Conner, Bart, Tim & Cassie have a sleepover at Lex’s house at one point, Lex totally Knows what’s up but it’s all good because these are his baby’s friends and they’re good people who are more than willing to prank Superman for rejecting his kid and giving his baby self worth issues (Mercy supports them)

Anyway, that’s basically the idea for a new Superhero Show

[linkspooky]

We’re the Same, You and I.

It’s a classic villain line, but it’s also true. Heroes and villains aren’t born in My Hero Academia, they’re made. Despite what hero society a lot of what propels people towards hero or villainry is just circumstances. There’s no better demonstration of this then Midoriya, and Shigaraki who have the exact origin point but because of circumstances were pushed in complete opposite directions. People are not good or evil. People are mainly reacting to circumstances and struggling to get through them. 

Deku and Shigaraki can be so similiar on the inside, and so different on the outside because what they’ve experienced is different. That’s important, because the world is not fair. Rather than blaming people for what they’ve endured, and struggled against in an unfair world, or trying to fix the circumstances of the world heroes instead villaiize victims of circumstance.

1. Good Victim / Bad Victim

Shigaraki and Deku is the same. There’s a nature vs. nurture argument in My Hero Academia, where quirk society suggests that people born with more violent, destructive quirks are therefore by nature more prone to destruction in violence. In every single case however we see this is not the case. Tenko destroyed his family by accident, Toga was pushed by familial abuse until she suffered a psychological break, the destructive potential of Twice’s quirk only came about because he was poor and homeless. He was just a delivery guy before that point. 

Gran Torino suggests the idea that there’s no way Shigaraki can be saved or reformed, as if Shigaraki decided to become a villain on his own. Despite knowing how manipulative a person AFO is. 

There is a double standard in regards to victims known as Good Victim, Bad Victim. It’s the idea that instead of the idea that all humans react badly when placed in stressful situations, there are good ways to react to abuse, and bad ones. It fits with the double standard of hero soecity, people who are meek, quiet, victims like Eri are saved, while little Tenko who was ragged, ugly, and violently lashed out against his father in self defense nobody even lifts a finger to save. 

It goes beyond that though, what Gran Torino is suggesting that if Shigaraki Tomura were a good person, he would have somehow held onto that goodness despite being a manipulated and abused by a crimminal mastermind for fifteen years. That if Shigaraki were a good person, he just somehow magically would not react to trauma, or abuse, and would magically break free from AFO’s control with magic and sunshine. 

It’s an idea that ultimately blames victims for the abuse they are put under. It suggests that somehow Shigaraki deserved the abuse that he was put through, because he was bad all along from the start. 

A morality trope about the arbitrary distinctions writers make between certain sorts of victims. If a character in fiction has a problem or ailment or social situation, and the creators intend him to be sympathetic, the character will have acquired the problem in the most socially acceptable way. If the character isn't sympathetic, then he will have contracted the illness through "your own damn fault".

By suggesting that Shigaraki was born bad and circumstance has nothing to do it, it puts all the fault for Shigaraki’s badness on Shigaraki himself. Therefore, Gran Torino remains morally pure. Nothing about the world around them needs to be corrected. Nothing about Gran Torino needs to be corrected. It is always the victim’s fault for acting the way they do, and not the cirumcstances that drove them to act that way. 

Yes, victims are still responsible for their reactions. Yes, being a victim doesn’t mean you get to lash out and not be responsible for the people you hurt. However, people can be both villains and victims at the same time. Nobody deserves to have gone through what Shigaraki went through. By invalidating his victimhood and suggesting Shigaraki only became this way through his OWN DAMN FAULT, all it means is more victims will be ignored. Good victim bad victim is bad because it moralizes victimhoods around arbitrary lines. Usually around what’s a “socially acceptable” reaction to victimhood. (Whatever that means). 

Tenko was just a normal kid. Not only that, most normal people would react that with if exposed to Tenko’s cirucmstances. Most people aren’t extraordinarily good or extraordinarily bad with a few outliars, most people are reacting to circumstances. Almost any normal person would be that way if they were exposed to Tenko’s circumstances and we know this because, the league is made out of people who are just like Tenko, and who all started out as normal kids. However, circumstances can change, and people can change. Rather than trying for that result, Hero Society focuses on punishing it’s worst victims. 

“The point is: People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don’t?”

The league shows improvement when they are exposed to trust, and compassion with one another. 

By choosing between good and bad people to save, the people who are suffering the worst will never get the help they need. As Shigaraki’s speech affirmed this later, Heroes aren’t for protecting the worst victims who need the most saving, they sheperd the majority and exclude the minority. 

This even extends to what Dabi asks Tokoyami. Who is it that is most in need of saving? 

The hero kids this entire arc have moved to protect the pro heroes. However, not only are the pro heroes guilty of bringing the kids into a warzone without permission in the first place and putting them in danger. Pro Heroes are also, at fault for most of society’s ills because they contribute to the problems of society that villains are blamed for. Parental abuse, Homelessness, Quirk Discrimmination, Shigaraki’s entire life, all of the villains are the victims of the worst abuse and rather than rehabilitate them the heroes have been violently beating them down all this time. The heroes have blood on their hands because they’ve been beating down victims and punishing them all this time and making things worse, but they never have to bear any responsibility for that because all blame falls on victims. 

2. Deku is Given Everything

One of the most important parts of Shigaraki’s foiling with Deku is that everything that Shimura Tenko should have had, Deku was given instead. Gran Torino victim blames Shigaraki for trampling over Shimura Nana’s memory. 

However, it’s Gran Torino who made the choice to ignore Nana’s final wishes. Nana’s wish was for Kotaro to live a happy life apart from her, and unaffected by both her decisions, and whatever AFO was planning to do to her.

However, Shigaraki is continually punished over and over again because he just happened to be born as Shimura Tenko, Shimura Nana’s grandson. It was Gran Torino’s responsibility to make sure that Kotaro, and her family was protected from AFO but he failed that. When he still had a chance to help Nana’s last remaining family member, he neglected that instead. The one trampling all over Nana’s legacy is Gran Torino, because he refuses to honor her wish to protect her last living family member. Gran Torino blames Shigaraki, because he can’t face the fact that he himself made the wrong choice. 

Shigaraki started with the exact same origin point as Deku. However, Deku was helped by All Might. The things that Shigaraki should have received Deku was given instead. And I’m not even talking about super powers. I’m talking about help on the most basic level. 

All Might and Gran Torino knew about Kotaro, and knew that he might be targeted. Rather than checking up on him, they ignored him for years. Even after learning about Shigaraki’s circumstances, they still chose to ignore rather than even make the attempt to do something about it. 

Shigaraki’s arc is one of losing things over and over again, whereas Deku’s arc is being given things. Deku is saved by All Might finding him that day and telling him he could become a hero. Shigaraki just needed one person to save him, but All Might didn’t show up that day because he was turning a blind eye to his responsibilities. 

Deku is given the help ne needs, when he needs it. Whereas, Shigaraki is never helped. Deku is given two successive mentors due to his connections with All Might, Eraserhead and Gran Torino. He didn’t even earn Gran Torino because he didn’t get far enough or make a good enough impression in the sports festival. Deku’s mentors all make an effort to stay alive and stay with him. (Sir Nighteye was Mirio’s mentor he doesn’t count). Shigaraki loses mentor after mentor. 

Shigaraki loses both All For One and Kurogiri, and had to find a way to survive without both of them. AFO deliberately abandoned Shigaraki to retraumatize him and make his hatred towards the heroes worst. All Might makes a promise to stay with Deku, and stay alive, because he knows emotionally Deku needs him. 

The things I’m talking about Deku is given are support, stability and a consistent environment. These are things Shigaraki has never had his entire life. All Shigaraki has is violence he’s endured countless times over and over. Deku is given six quirks that he unlocks by having a dream about them. In order to start stacking multiple quirks, Shigaraki has to train in the mountain for a month without sleep in order to prove himself to AFO’s remnants who instead of just giving him a chance constantly force him to prove himself, but he also had to endure months of horribly painful surgery. Retraumatizing himself yet another time, because Shigaraki has been a victim of lifelong experimentation under Ujiko. He was taken in to become an experiment. It’s not really something he can consent to if he was adopted when he was five years old, and then groomed for fifteen years with the expectation that he would submit himself into this surgery in order to become AFO’s proper heir. 

The remnants of the OFA quirk try to guide Deku and lend him his strength. The remnants of the AFO quirk only try to control Shigaraki. 

Deku is a good boy yes, but is it because he’s inherently a good person or is it because he hasn’t faced what Shigaraki has? Shigaraki is forced again and again to confront the ugliest parts of society, quirk discrimmination, abuse, whereas Deku gets to remain wholly oblivious of them. It’s not even that Deku thinks that Shigaraki is too much of an extremist in trying to correct society, Deku doesn’t even think there’s a problem with the society that created Shigaraki in the first place. 

Deku forgives heroes, but not the biggest victims of heroes. He is moving to protect people like Gran Torino, and Endeavor who are both responsible for the creation of Shigaraki. Gran Torino through neglect. Endeavor because he is an abuser just like Kotaro was, and he also, created Dabi who is so much more like Shigaraki. Who is to say that Deku would not have turned out just like Shigaraki if exposed to similiar circumstances? Look at his reaction in the latest chapter.

Dkeu’s reaction, his feral faces, his frothing at the mouth violence all resembles Shigaraki. It’s almost like those who are exposed to violence are pushed to become more violent. Now circcumstances are reversed and Deku sees somebody’s body falling apart, like how his used to when he used the OFA quirk. 

Deku’s response is yeah, it’s time to beat the shit out of this guy. Deku’s response to violence is only to become more violent. Not only is he not even trying to overcome the cycle, he’s not even aware the cycle exists. So, then. So then. If Deku can become violent enduring the same violent circumstances that Shigaraki once did. If Deku can become spiteful, hateful, even vengeful. 

Then, what exactly is the difference between Shigaraki and Deku?  The only difference is what they’ve been through. Shigaraki has been abused more, so he’s crazier that’s all. Who they are inside is the same after all this time. The only difference between them really is that Shigaraki is punching up, while Deku punches down from a position of privilege. 

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. For this story I decided to do a Scenes From A Marriage meets Star Wars mash up. Throughout the series I've been thinking about how I could turn it into a Poe Dameron story. I decided to depart from my usual Poe X reader pairings and make him the naughty one this time. Lol. A bad boy fighting his own demons despite the fact that he is the poster boy for the rebellion. The femme reader is in the process of a painful and complicated divorce with Poe after you caught him in a difficult to explain and extremely compromising position with a trusted friend.

The fact that you share a one year old son together makes everything even more painful.

You still love Poe but his actions killed a small part of you that day. Do you want your relationship to survive or is it really over for good?

Warnings, angst, smut, cheating, guy on guy action, not for anyone under 18.

Scene 1, The Betrayal

You remembered that fateful afternoon like it was yesterday. The sounds played bitterly in your head like a proverbial broken record.

You'd come home early that day, the baby hadn't been picked up from daycare just yet because you had decided to run some groceries home first.

As soon as you walked through the door you sensed something was off. Mainly due to the fact that you could hear the water running in the shower and your spouse, Poe Dameron, was supposedly at a high level meeting with other rebellion officers.

"Who's there?" You called out, your heart pounding in your chest as you slid open the bathroom door, unsure of who, or what, you would see behind it.

It was your husband Poe. And he was in the shower with your mutual friend Finn. The two were soaping each other up in between steamy kisses. You were stopped dead in your tracks by the sight of these two nude, beautiful men.

Admittedly it would have been an arousing scene if you weren't married to one of them.

Their rather large cocks were both fully erect. It was obvious that this was an act of foreplay as the two lovers prepared to have sex. Poe had his dark eyes closed from pleasure as Finn lovingly massaged shampoo into his gorgeous curly hair.

Poe turned around and began to passionately kiss Finn, judging by the affection and the way they looked at and touched each other this had been going on for a very long time.

They held onto each other tight and kissed with a special fire and intensity that said true love. It was such a shocking, mesmerizing scene that you were frozen in place and unable to turn away.

Shell shocked you wandered into the bedroom, where you sat down on the edge of the bed as you listened to the obscene moans of your husband as Finn made passionate love to him.

Present day

It was nearly 6 months after the incident. Without confronting Finn and Poe you simply left, taking your son and moving in with your best friend that same day.

Communication on a personal level had been spotty at best after that day. You arranged for Poe to see his son, who was now a strong, healthy one year old, several times a week but kept your own words with him personally to a minimum.

Poe loved that little boy and was a loving, doting father. The way his eyes, and entire face, lit up when he saw him, was simply beautiful.

The man that you had considered your soulmate was becoming a stranger to you, and it was devastating.

A small part of you still loved the man that betrayed you.

"Everything of yours is in that corner, I tried to carefully pack the fragile things but if something got broken I'm sorry".

"It's okay, it's just stuff".

You were back in the now nearly empty home that you shared with Poe to collect your belongings. You were sitting on the sofa, staring down at the floor as you mumbled those words, unable to look him in the face.

With a deep sigh Poe sat down next to you and said,

"Look at me".

"I can't". You replied quickly as you felt the tears well in your eyes as you continued to stare down at the floor.

"Look at me". Poe insisted weakly as he slipped his arm around you.

With a deep, disgusted groan you looked up, and into his beautiful deep brown eyes.

Poe eyes were slightly red and swollen from crying but he was still smiling slightly.

"It's nice to see you again, like this, just the two of us". Poe confessed, still smiling as the tears began to roll down his cheeks. "I've missed you, and having our son here all the time".

"You don't need to put on the charm with me". You explained with a smile and a bitter laugh. "Where are the papers? I want to sign them and be done".

"Is that all you care about? Signing the papers and walking out of my life forever?" Poe asked as his smile faded.

"To be brutally honest it is". You replied quickly, laughing at the nerve of his words. "If I never had to see you again I'd be thrilled, but unfortunately we live on the same base and share a son".

"Then do it, I won't stop you". Poe snapped angrily. "The papers are over there, on the kitchen counter".

Shakily you stood up and went into the kitchen. You grabbed the first pen you saw and bitterly started to flip through the official looking stack of documents.

Your blood was boiling, and everything looked like a blur due to your own festering rage.

"I need to sit down". You told him weakly as the room started to spin.

Poe stood up and immediately helped you back to the the living room, and back on the sofa. He handed you a glass of water as he lovingly kissed you on the forehead.

"Thanks". You told him weakly, smiling slightly.

"Take all the time you need". Poe said softly as he began to affectionately stroke your cheek.

His familiar touch felt comforting and you would be lying if you said that you didn't miss him.

"I'm not going to lie, being here again, with you, is stirring up all sorts of feelings, fuck". You told him with a weak laugh as you allowed him to continue to touch you.

"Can I kiss you?" Poe asked, smiling a little and looking deeply into your eyes.

"You may". You replied with a laugh.

You shared a passionate kiss with your estranged husband and to be perfectly honest it felt fantastic, and right.

Poe's hand started to creep up your leg and underneath your short skirt.

"Can I touch you?" He asked, massaging your thigh a little with his strong hand.

You could see his excitement through his tight pants, you were dealing with your own arousal when you looked him in the eyes and confessed,

"Whatever you do, don't stop".

Poe slipped his hand underneath your skirt and began to teasingly stroke you through your underwear. Finally he pushed your panties aside and began to caress your throbbing clit with his thumb, slipping two fingers gently inside of you as he did so.

Poe picked you up off of the sofa and carried you into the bedroom and placed you on what was once your marital bed.

After feverishly removing his own clothes his head immediately went between your spread legs and he began to pleasure you with his mouth.

With his tongue inside of your body you cried out his name as you experienced climax after climax. What Poe was doing to you felt wrong, and right, at the same time.

You were angry at yourself for enjoying it. You dug your nails hard into his back, drawing blood, when Poe got on top of you and penetrated your wet, throbbing hole with his thick, uncut cock.

"Fuck, it's tighter than I remembered". Poe confessed with a laugh and a groan as he started to pound into you.

"Damn you, it's bigger than I remembered". You told him with a laugh and a slight moan as you could feel his impressive girth stretching your wet walls.

Poe laughed a little at your frank confession as he continued to fuck you, grunting in ecstasy as he began to nibble on your neck.

With your bodies entwined you could feel Poe cum deep inside of you, filling you with liberal amounts of his warm seed.

Afterwards the two of you cuddled in bed, both of you were still in slight shock at what had happened.

"Aren't you going to clean up?" Poe asked, laughing a little and kissing you on the forehead.

"No, I enjoy the feeling of you inside of me". You confessed as the tears rolled down your cheeks.

"You still love me, don't you?" Poe asked, as he fought back his own tears.

His words made you freeze for a moment. You had no idea what to tell him.

End of scene 1

[emerald-amidst-gold]

OC Questionnaire

Thank you @1000generations and @rosella-writes for the tags! I love things such as this that allow me to flesh out Fane more! :D

I’ll tag: @oxygenforthewicked @the-dreadful-canine @varric-tethras-editor @noire-pandora @blueheaded and anyone else that’d like to give it a go! :3

----

THE BASICS:

Character’s name: Fane Lavellan/Aterian (The second name is one he’s rarely called until later on. Mainly post-Trespasser by those in his contingent of agents.)

Role in story: The Inquisitor (highly derogatory)

Physical description: Short, messy snow white hair and eyes that hold two colors instead of one (emerald and gold). Bears the vallaslin of Sylaise (full-face). Relatively angular face and holds features that are more indicative to ancient elves than the ones of today. Overall height is 6′1 and is far more muscular in build than other elves, but still slender enough that he isn’t mistaken for a Qunari. Entire body is littered with patch-work scars and has a singular, long scar upon his left cheek (inflicted by Solas) 

Age: Appears 24 (approximately 5,000 years old in actuality)

MBTI/Enneagram Personality Type: INTP-T (Logician). Fane is very much like me in the fact that he’s extremely analytical. He’s always questioning and trying to piece together ‘why’ or ‘how’. Sadly, social skills are lacking for him, and he comes across as proud or insensitive due to how he words things or his lack of understanding when it regards to why someone might be put off by his views.

INTERNAL LIFE:

What is their greatest fear? 

To be forgotten/Himself

Inner motivation: 

Rebirth. Fane wants to see the world restored to what he remembers (i.e. before the Veil was erected), and he wishes for his kin to thrive once more, to belong to no master but themselves. The birth of Yune (the last of Fane’s specific kin) awakens the ideal of ‘hope’ in his heart and allows him to believe that what he strives for is possible.

Kryptonite: 

Pride and Wrath. Fane has a volatile temper that tends to get him into trouble, on and off the battlefield. He is prone to bouts of proud behavior due to the fact that he’s lived for so long and believes he knows what the ‘absolute’ in the world is. 

What is their misbelief about the world? 

That everything terrible that has happened to him or that he has done thus far since awakening/being awakened is his fault, his choice. At the beginning of my story and in regards to the world as a whole, Fane believes he knows exactly how each person is (personality, motivations, ideals, etc.), even though he has no idea who he is.

Lesson they need to learn: 

That his existence is not a sin. That whoever or whatever he is doesn’t matter. He’s alive and he is loved, he is important. Labels do not need to define him.

What is the best thing in their life? 

Family (Solas, Mhairi, Cyfrin, Yune, etc.)

What is the worst thing in their life? 

That he had to betray family to support family. Fane will do whatever it takes to ensure Solas is never alone again and that his kin can be remembered for what they truly are, but in order to do that he has to make decisions, choices and those decisions carry a lot of pain and heart break. He’ll endure, however. He’ll always endure.

What do they most often look down on people for? 

Ignorance and faith. The faith aspect is mainly people wholly relying on that which they can’t see rather than the strength and independent thought that they possess. Fane despises those who use faith as a tool to manipulate or those who are willfully blind to the cries of the world and the suffering.

What makes his/her/their heart feel alive?

Primarily, Solas awakens the hidden or muted sides of Fane. Solas represents ‘the sky’ to him, and just a glimpses into the other’s eyes can make Fane feel as if he’s able to fly again. Having someone understand and know him for more than his rage and bluntness also makes Fane feel more alive when he’s used to feeling grey. 

What makes them feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? 

Intimacy of presence. Fane feels most loved when those he cares for is content to merely be around him, words or no words. Solas is the one that does this the most often, the two of them having had to use this level of communication in the past due to Fane being a dragon unable to talk or link up mentally with anyone other than spirits. However, Cole, Mhairi and Cyfrin also utilize this means of communication. Solas is merely the one that offers it the most. 

Top three things they value most in life? 

Devotion, Independent thought, and Support.

EXTERNAL LIFE:

Is there an object they can’t bear to part with and why? 

A crimson sash adorned with golden embroidery of halla and leafless trees. It was a gift from Mhairi, and it was given to Fane shortly after their father disappeared and the experiments upon his body ceased. Fane wears it either around his waist or as a scarf. He’s usually not one to accept gifts, family or not, but he kept this one because it offered a lot of comfort where it had been lacking for several years. Fane also adores his sister with all his heart, and to see that she chanced potential capture to gather the materials...how could he spit in the face of such love? He couldn’t, and that’s why he keeps it even Post-Trespasser. He rarely wears it as he used to during that time, but he keeps it safe and pulls it out when he’s alone to remember simpler days.

Describe a typical outfit for them from top to bottom.

Fane gravitates towards clothing that’s loose and practical. He refuses to wear any of the clothing that Josephine or Vivienne might choose for him. To start, Fane wraps his entire upper body in Elvhen wraps to cover the myriad of scars that litter his body. The wraps are usually dark brown, dark green, or black. Next, he opts for cotton tunics, short sleeved or long sleeves, but he’ll have tendency to roll them up to his elbow, and once again, they are either dark or neutral colors (black, grey, etc.). Plain trousers, somewhat form fitting, and most importantly; boots. Fane does not go barefoot unless he’s getting ready for bed or bathing. He also wears a small dagger that he keeps strapped to an upper thigh. Just in case. *winks*

What names or nicknames has they been called throughout their life?

Fae (generally by Cyfrin or Mhairi), ma’isenatha (’my dragon’ and is typically used by Solas), Blackened One (this is the translation of Fane’s ‘second’ name and is used both respectfully/derogatory), He Who Flew Above (used by the Elvhen agents in both Fane and Solas’ respective contingents), White One (Abelas generally refers to Fane as this once he drops the Inquisitor title, Wisdom also calls Fane this), vhenan or ma vhenan.

And last, but definitely not least, ‘Papae’ *whistles innocently* :3 

What is their method of manipulation?

Fane has draconic abilities that can warp emotions. In a way, he implements a form of psychological warfare, but he only uses it as a last resort whether the enemy is a piece of absolute trash or not. Fane has had his mind broken multiple times, died from it once even, and unless given no other choice, he will not break another like that.

Describe their daily routine. 

Fane wakes up at the crack of dawn. He doesn’t like to, but he usually has no control over it due to years upon years of waking up from nightmares and retching. If he manages to awaken without many issues, Fane strides right into his routine of training, with or without eating. Training helps quell his mind of lingering terrors, and establishes discipline to emotions that are volatile. Afterwards, Fane may eat on his own, but generally, Mhairi, Cyfrin or Solas have to acquire something for him and press him to eat. He always relents, even if he glowers and growls. Cole takes a more subtle approach and just leaves it where Fane can easily smell it, awakening the want. 

Mid-day Fane is usually doing his rounds, checking on companions, maybe entertaining a conversation or request, or begrudgingly diving into Inquisition business. (paperwork, letters, etc.) If he’s having a rough day, headaches, mental exhaustion, or physical pain, then Fane is less likely to get much done and that’s because Solas will demand that he take it easy. In those cases, Fane will fight and protest and declare that he’s fine, but a single look that says, ‘Enough’, and he crumbles, taking the offering of a pillowed lap and potentially sleeping for at least half the afternoon. When he wakes up, Fane lingers in the rotunda and with attempt some form of work until evening.

That’s when Fane indulges in more personal pursuits. He whittles wood, reads and writes poetry, tinkers with one of his gauntlets or plating, and lets himself want. He’ll sometimes go to the tavern to see Varric or the Chargers, even if being around Bull makes him a tad uneasy. Or he’ll seek out his sister and see if she wishes to do something with him. Fane doesn’t ask, of course, but that’s because Mhairi bombards him the moment he appears and he accepts and agrees without fuss. Sometimes Fane will visit Leliana in the rookery and go over what she’s heard or what he’s hear, or he’ll spend time with Cole until Solas comes to see where he’s gone off to.

Their go-to cure for a bad day? 

Usually, training or just outright destroying something. Fane has issues controlling some of his emotions, rage most of all, and the only way to get that specific emotion out is to physically take it out. Solas and Mhairi have attempted to help Fane diffuse in different ways, but the only one that seems to work the best is for a dragon to rampage. Thankfully, Fane retreats from Skyhold if that he feels his mind blackening. Solas or Cole will follow and keep an eye on him from a distance, but Solas will intervene if he feels Fane is close to spiraling beyond anger. Then, the go-to is words, soft, but firm.

GOALS:

How are they dissatisfied with their life? 

Fane’s life Pre-Inquisition and within Inquisition is...rough. Life with the clan was torture for him, literally being called a mistake and monster due to how he acted and how he looked. No one understood why and neither did Fane beyond knowing his father’s abuse had...awoken something in him. That lack of understanding infuriated Fane, to the point where he chose to just...ignore it, turn his back. Add that to the burden placed upon his shoulders unwillingly, and once again being labeled as every manner of being except what would make him feel complete...yeah, Fane was highly dissatisfied with his life. It isn’t until he and Solas reconcile and vow to never be apart again that Fane starts to find purpose and the will to try in his life. That satisfaction only grows Pre-Trespasser once Fane uncovers a lot of answers concerning himself and his kin after going on a little field trip to a place that shall not be name while Solas attends to the Qunari.

What would bring them true happiness or contentment?

Simply put? Fane wants Solas to be able to rest. That would bring Fane so much joy, to see his sky finally throw down the mantle and rest. All he wants is for them both to be able to be together and not have the world demanding their lives on a silver platter every second of every hour.

What definitive step could they take to turn their dream into a reality? 

Support. That is one of Fane’s guiding principles when it comes to Solas and what the mage has deemed he has to do. Fane helps to keep Solas on the path, but he knows when to step in if the fog rolls in. Fane doesn’t see right or wrong; he sees paths, choices. He supports what Solas wishes to do because he understands why the man feels the way that he does. Fane is Devotion and Tenacity, and he will die again and again and again before leaving Solas to walk this dark path alone, without support. Because that, all on its own, can change a person’s mind.

How has their fear kept them from taking this action already? 

Fane is only fearful that his support could be causing Solas grief, making him upset due to the fact that the mage feels as if Fane should condemn him. However, Fane presses on and doesn’t let fear shackle him in this. Fear is potent in Fane, that’s the truth, but it all washes away when Solas requires him. Devotion is stronger than Fear, Tenacity grinds Terror into dust, and a dragon will always guard the sky it calls home. 

How do they feel they can accomplish their goal while still steering clear of the thing they are afraid of? 

So, Fane’s main fears are being forgotten and himself. The supporting aspect is to combat the being forgotten aspect, partially, but when in regards to himself... That’s a whole other story. Fane grapples with madness coutnless times in my story and the allure of power, something dragons cannot yearn for lest they cause irreversible harm to the world, and he is fearful that eventually...the clock will strike, the hourglass will run out and that he didn’t do enough. For Solas, for his kin, and for the world. Furthermore, Fane is terrified that that madness will eventually harm those he cares for, those he’s vowed to protect and support. So, Fane does whatever he can to keep his spirit from warping, to keep himself from breaking beyond what can be repaired, and having Yune and Solas, and seeing the progress of their endeavors helps keep Fane on the cliff he teeters on.