#"rock i

[stellerssong]

Tell us the sex stone joke

so this joke requires the light setup of, as the Resident Geologist, on any given hike my dad will have been subjected to a light barrage of Hey What's This Rock I Just Picked Up Off The Trail, answers ranging from "that's clearly serpentinite, the state rock of California—note the distinctive gray-green color and soapy texture" to "that's probably a local mudstone" to "that is a piece of concrete" to "that is tanbark."

the joke typically runs as follows:

you, presenting an interesting pebble for identification: hey, what's this rock i just picked up off the trail? my dad, after a few seconds of thoughtful examination: ah, interesting. what you have there is what's known as a "sex stone." you, slightly shocked by the apparent erotic provenance of what you thought was a random rock: oh! okay. i see. thanks. my dad, slyly: would you like to know why they call it that? you: um. yes? my dad: BECAUSE IT'S JUST A FUCKING ROCK.

[viiioca]

my least favorite character in ff14 is the ishgardian rock salt tooltip

1.) it's always correct to disrespect item descriptions you don't like, especially if they only exist in english

2.) *pinches nose, extremely a nerd voice* it's been established in-game that ishgard is culturally distinct from coerthas and that a defining feature of ishgardian cuisine vs. coerthan cuisine is how extensively spiced and seasoned it is (whereas coerthan food is noted to be blander and probably derived from gridanian cuisine, and ishgardians dont appreciate coerthan food and vice versa). that motherfucking food is seasoned!!!! get that shitty rock off the table!!!!!!!!!!!!

3.) since ishgardian food is well-seasoned already, if the salt rock exists it should only be as an incredibly funny secret insult. if you lick the rock you're telling the host that you think that he is shit and his food is bland (like a coerthan, god forbid, or even worse, a gridanian). the rock should only exist as a catalyst for 3 to 7 generations-long ishgardian blood feuds. i want to see people getting knifed at the table for daring to lick the rock. i want to see families get ruined. make the salt rock political

[haysey-draws]

LETS ROCK!

I have prints on INPRNT for those into screaming waifus! And consider joining my Paidtreon for... well more waifu's.

[barghest-land]

it's always been difficult for me to make new friends, and now that i'm almost 30 it seems just impossible. unless it's a 40yo geologist i know. then it all goes back to the childhood method that always worked: "hey look at the cool rock i just found"

[aeriondripflame]

speaking of casterly rock, i know living there is so fucking scary like red keep shuffling in the walls times 100. what do you mean you’re sleeping and eating dinner above full scale mining operations. lann the clever basically took the rock by living inside the walls parasite style and pretending to be a ghost. is there a castle in westeros without people in the walls.

[siblingshuffle]

Day 16

I’m so sorry

Rock: I just don’t get how this has anything to do with today’s prompt.

Rhythm / Vesper Woman: Nobody tell him! Nobody tell him! Hahaha!

Bass: …This is stupid.

————— …look, I already did something sad for day 12. You get memes today, bucko.

[hedgehog-moss]

When you’re trying to eat a raspberry doughnut but you live next door to a family of horrible llamas.

... wait, that’s unfair, it’s one horrible llama. Pampelune can be seen in the background minding her own business, she didn’t even come to check out my snack as she knows treats for llamas come in a metal dish, which was nowhere to be seen. Meanwhile Poldine was just following her mother trustingly, always eager to learn more about the world. She sniffed the doughnut when Pampe did, all “ohh is this really for us?”

Me: “no”

Pampérigouste: “Don’t listen to her”

Pampoldine: “My bad. And sorry about my mum”

And then it was just Pampe, unprincipled and relentless.

I shifted to turn my back on them, pushed away the long neck snaking over my shoulder, then Pampe circled the rock I was sitting on for another frontal attack. Her daughter moved to the other side too and blocked her with her neck like a stern doughnut bodyguard, yet Pampe persevered.

I almost let her have a little bit of doughnut because she was making me laugh (and rewarding her bad behaviour would make no difference, as Pampe will devote her life to crime with or without reward)—but Poldine was here, judging her mother. She would have judged me too and it’s a sobering prospect.

[cosmerelists]

Rock Reviews Food From Across the Cosmere

As requested by anon. :)

Somehow, Rock has gotten access to all of the Cosmere food I could find on Coppermind! Let's see what he thinks...

1. Pop'ems (fried donuts, basically, from Komashi)

Rock: Fried dough, fried, covered in this sticky sugar? Rock: Is what Airsick lowlanders would call women's food, yes? Rock: Too sweet and too soft, I say! Could use some spice and some crunch. Rock: Put some spicy cremling claws on this, and it would be a banger!

2. Design's Noodles (from Komashi)

Rock (to Design): I see that you are a fellow cook, worthy of admiration. Rock: The seasoning is masterful, and though it's a bit thin, I cannot deny taste! Perhaps we should cook together sometime? Design: Thanks! I measure all of my spices by counting out individual grains! Rock: ... Rock: Never mind I think we are natural enemies. 

3. Kulunut bread, steamed (Lumar)

Rock: For a bread made when all other ingredients are rotten, this is not bad! Rock: Is not good, but also is not bad. Tress: Here is what we were all eating before that. Rock: ... Rock: I would like to revise previous statement--you are an airsick genius. Tress Thanks I guess!

4. Tektees spiced rice (Nalthis)

Rock: Yes! Classic, warm, spicy--no complaints! Rock: I would not be ashamed to serve this to my friends!

5. Tinkfans (small sweet pastry, eat a piece of bread in between) (Nalthis)

Rock: Eh, is too sweet again. Rock: And what's the point of the plain bread in between? There's nothing I want to clean my palate for!

6. Baywrap (bay leaves stuffed with barley & veggies) (Scadrial)

Rock: Ah, it is like chouta! Rock: Only there is no meat. Rock: Or much in the way of spice. Rock: Or sauce. Rock: ... Rock: Is like a sad, unhappy chouta!

7. Logshine (beer that Wax likes) (Scadrial)

Rock: (shrugs) Weak, but what else can you expect from airsick lowlanders?

8. RaiDomo Mai ("meat with fiery skin" meat & veggies, peppers, in red sauce) (Sel)

Rock: Now THIS is a food! Rock: You can tell is good by the scary color!

9. Weed Soup (healthy & bad) (Sel)

Rock: So...this one is a punishment, right? Sarene: I think it's to lose weight. Rock: Yes--is what I said.

10. Garha (hot caffeinated drink) (Sel)

Rock: Ah, I think if I served this to my friends, they would fly much faster and higher! Rock: Looping all over the sky, playing with the sky eels... Rock: We gotta import this one!

[friedmagazinebouquet]

I can't even play minecraft like a normal person anymore because every single time I do anything my thoughts are just

"That is K-spar rich granite"

"Andesite is a fine grained intermediate igneous rock and diorite is a coarse grained intermediate igneous rock"

"I like that they included the presence of mica when they were designing the granite texture"

"Hey look at all the clay in the river. DID YOU KNOW THAT CLAY IS EXTREMELY FINE GRAINED SEDIMENT THAT-"

"I love the different rocks that minecraft has added, but I think they should be even more specific. Where's my gabbro, minecraft??? You gave me basalt, now I want gabbro"

"Tuff is pronounced so weird AND IS ALSO A PYROCLASTIC ROCK. DID YOU KNOW THAT"

[nwarrior777]

I am sorry but this bitch is Izzy Hands of Mozart, l'opéra rock

I mean he even has his Black Beard

and, classic izzy signature

his own "daddy oooh daddy" moment

[jjs-brainrot]

Alright, we've finally gotten the full Girls Band Cry Episode Title Mixtape!

Tōkyō Wasshoi (Tokyo Hype) by Kenji Endo (1989)

3-Biki no Yakō-Sei no Ikimono (3 Night Owls) by Yura Yura Teikoku (2003)

Zukkoke Mondō (Stumbling Conversation) by Eastern Youth (2001)

Kansha（Odoroki) (Gratitude (Surprise!) by Fishmans (1994)

Utagoe Yō Kore (Raise Your Voice) by Sambomaster (2005)

Haguremono Sanka (A Tribute to the Outcasts) by FLOWER COMPANYZ (2007)

Namae wo Tsukete Yaru (Giving It a Name) by Spitz (1991)

Moshimo Kimi ga Naku Naraba (If You Were to Cry) by Gingnangboyz (2005)

Kaketa Tsuki ga Deteita (The Crescent Moon Rises) by The Groovers (1997)

Wandervogel by Quruli (2000)

Sekai no Mannaka (In the Middle of the World) by The Blue Hearts (1989)

Sora ga Mata Kuraku Naru (The Skies Darken Once More) by RC Succession (1990)

Rokku n Rōru wa Nariyamanai (Rock 'n' Roll Never Ends) by Shinsei Kamattechan (2010)

Bonus tracks (songs that got referenced somewhere in the episodes)

Sekainoowari (The End of the World) by THEE MICHELLE GUN ELEPHANT (1996) (found by @mahoushoujotechsupport here)

Genuinely a pretty fire mixtape of classic 90s/2000s J-Rock. I highly recommend giving all of these bands a listen alongside togetoge's songs. Yura Yura Teikoku is quickly rising as one of my favorite bands and I've been thinking about that Gingnagboyz song nonstop for the last few weeks...

[all-too-unwell-13]

shoutout to my friend who asked if i knew the band queen and then said, "sorry, ik you listen to taylor swift, so.." like yes i do??? but i also don't live under a rock????? i listen to many other artists other than taylor???????

[hjartasalt]

im sure those other clear rocks are totally safe to touch and handle tho

Hey everyone look at this cool rock I just found

[kathegoose]

This Tiger Rocks!

TIGER ROCK TIGER ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i gave him a little bit of a redesign because my inner voice kept shouting BIG COLLAR BIG CUFFS and stuff,,. but otherwise he dons his white-pink-gold look from the book cover :] (with a twinge'o purple)

[scaredofmyocs]

bugs when u lift up a rock

i drew this yesterday then forgot to post lol