#!! hello !!!! theres clearly more of us than you think there are

[ilostyou]

Also I’m not the anon from your main - looks like there’s more of us than I thought

oh slay. good for us tbh

[inuyashaluver]

hello! can i request an enemies to lovers fic for misa?!?! i absolutely love your fics and theres barely any fics about her so i thought why not

change of heart - misa rodriguez

misa rodriguez x reader

description: in which your relationship with your ultimate enemy takes a turn when she helps you through a tough time

warnings: it’s a long one buckle in, swearing, fighting, suggestive, spanish in bold italics

a/n: finally misa!!! thank you for the love and support, babe, please enjoy!! ❤️

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

maría isabel rodriguez rivero, or misa if you will, was the bane of your existence. she was ill-tempered, absolutely insufferable when you couldn’t get a ball past her, arrogant and more. she was also gorgeous but you’d never say it out loud.

you couldn’t understand misa and she couldn’t understand you, the two of you just didn’t get along.

you were on the same team always, but it always felt like a competition between the two of you. sure you were a midfielder and she was a goalkeeper but that didn’t mean the hate didn’t stem.

it’s always been like that, especially in the spanish youth teams, you had the ability to push misa’s buttons in a way she couldn’t explain and vice versa. there was never a pivotal moment where the hatred began but you both knew it steadily developed as you got older.

—

“misa, we’re just training, calm down!” a 16 year old you screamed when she dove for your strike, a harsh smack sounding as she caught it.

“we may be training but that doesn’t mean we get lazy, chiquitín (small one)” misa smirked, kicking a long ball way past you. you send her a glare, cursing her under your breath as you went to retrieve the ball.

by the time you got back, she was doing her keeper duties, but with much less intensity, clearly only going full out when you were the one kicking the ball.

“i thought we shouldn’t get lazy, misa?” you teased, cocking your head to the side and offering her a cheeky grin that made her blood boil.

“fuck off, lay it on me then” she challenged angrily, everyone could feel the tension between the two of you but chose to watch in amusement. this happened every two minutes on the daily and everyone was so used to it.

“i fucking will” you bite back, striking the ball before she had time to think and sending it dangerously close to her face, sailing past her into the back of the net. “no, you’re a cheater, i wasn’t ready,” misa barked, you shrug at her

“you don’t get time to prepare for your little tea party in a match, rodriguez” you taunt, that’s when misa lost it. she walked over to you, standing chest to chest as she glared down at you, you could feel her anger bubbling in your entire body as your eyes challenged hers.

“listen here, princesa (princess), this little attitude of yours is a bad look” she said lowly with mock sympathy. she was clearly trying to rile you up, and sure, maybe you should ignore it but you couldn’t with this girl, no matter how hard you tried.

“my attitude? your fucking ego is the only thing that enjoys a solo performance more than you do” you scoff, she smirks amusingly, moving her face dangerously close to yours as you swallowed hard.

her scent was enveloping you, it was crazy how good she smelled after a training session but you squashed that thought down quickly.

she chose to just keep her face close to yours, her eyes boring into yours while that fucking smirk was plastered on her face.

she looked down at your lips, chuckled and moved past you, letting you stand there with slightly pink cheeks. must be from the heat.

—

for years the snarky remarks continued, tension rose and stemmed the basis of you and misa’s weird relationship. in reality, something else was growing under the surface. attraction.

you both played together in the under 19 spain team and your fellow teammates could all agree that both of you managed to hate each other even more, believing it was physically impossible but you and misa were always overachievers.

“move” misa grumbles as you were talking with ona, shoving you towards the girl, making you stumble before you snap your head towards misa. “you’re such a treat” you glare at her, ona makes quick work of helping you stand after she giggled at the two of you.

misa watches as you stand, making her grin and blow you an exaggerated air kiss. “always such a pleasure to see you” she mocks, you roll your eyes at her and she smiles satisfied, moving to change into her kit in her cubby.

you hate to admit that your eyes lingered on the girl as she changed, the muscles in her back rippling against her skin when she tugged on her keeper kit.

you were distracted, not even processing that aitana had joined your conversation, coming back to life when she sends you a sharp smack on the back of your head.

“ow! what the fuck?” you yelp, turning to a grinning aitana and ona, misa’s head followed the sound of your voice, her eyebrows furrowed thinking you were in pain.

“welcome to earth” aitana smirks, you huff out in frustration and urge her to continue the conversation, your eyes flickering over to see that misa was already watching you.

“can i help you, rodriguez?” you call out, she shakes her head, “nope”, flipping you off before walking out of the room. your eyes followed her as she walked out, feeling a little disappointed when she was gone.

well, you were disappointed until training started. “come on, is that all you’ve got?” misa taunted, her signature smirk that pissed you off like no tomorrow evident on her face as she caught the fifth ball you’d sent her way.

“you never change, we’re practising!” you huff, hands stationary on your hips as you glared at her, “you never change, you’re lazy” misa teases, you close your eyes in frustration, taking a deep breath as she laughed at you.

“you’re so fucking annoying, misa!” you groan, “don’t be mad, princesa (princess), you’ll get one past me eventually” she throws you a thumbs up with her gloves, you send her a charming smile, kicking the ball hard way over the goal, making her send you a glare when she had to go and get it.

“you give into her every time” ona chuckles, her arm thrown over your shoulder. when misa came back and saw ona holding you close, a funny feeling brewed in her stomach, she wanted to be like that with you, but you hated her. and she hated you.

—

you and misa got signed to real madrid at the same time and it was purely unintentional. when you both came to training for the first time, you swore you had a heart attack seeing her in the kit.

“you just cannot get enough of me” misa says in mock disbelief, trying really hard not to laugh at your face right now, you were shocked.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you exhale, watching as misa chuckled at you. “i play for madrid now” she starts, “you look nice,” smiling before tugging the bottom of your training top quickly before moving past you.

your cheeks instantly turned pink, mouth a little agape as she smiled at you over her shoulder, making sure you had to open the door yourself.

the first game you and misa played for madrid changed something slightly between the two of you. the tension between you two finally acknowledged a little when you got a hatrick.

at the end of the game, you felt a hand on your shoulder spinning you around as you did your appreciation lap, “always so greedy, you just had to get three goals?” misa teased, you roll your eyes amusingly, her hand still on your shoulder.

“i was imagining you as the keeper” you smirk, she laughs at that, “you wish” you laugh along with her, both of you with gentle smiles on your faces before you realised what was happening.

you were bantering without any malice, that was a first.

—

the months went by and slowly you and misa got closer? that’s not the right term but it kinda was. the two of you were more or less a little more friendly, mainly through moments that people on the outside viewed as normal but very different for you and misa.

for instance, misa would make an effort to help you out occasionally. helping you out on your tracker as you pathetically tried to yourself.

“you’re embarrassing yourself” misa laughs, grabbing your hips to hold you still, your breath hitched as you felt her fingers on your skin, you were burning.

she takes the tracker from your hands and slips it in the back of your training top, lightly tapping it with her hand before pulling your top down for you.

“i had it” you breathe out, “mhm, sure you did” she winks, placing a hand on your waist before moving past you. you stood there a little dumbfounded, that was nice, and why did you like the feeling of her hands on your skin?

during that training session, she analysed your every move, misa came to terms with having different feelings about you. they were always there of course, but it was different now when she finally accepted them.

you as well couldn’t keep your eyes off misa, often making eye contact with each other before you ripped your gaze away, afraid she’d see how red your face got when she caught you staring. but she did see it, and she loved it.

during shooting practice, misa let you get three goals past her and it pissed you off. “why are you going easy on me?” you exclaim, misa holds her hands up in front of her with a little laugh, “i’d never take it easy on you,” you narrow your eyes at her unconvinced, kicking the ball softly and watching as it rolled in the net, slowly, misa just watched as it moved past her.

“rodriguez, what the fuck!” you throw your arms up, misa laughs brightly, “you’re too good for me now, miss madrid!” she teased, you run your hands over your face, shaking your head.

you walk off to grab some water and misa came up shortly behind you, you wordlessly passed her water bottle to her and her eyes widen a little at the gesture, “thanks” she smiles quickly, her hands brushing yours as she took it, feeling a little jolt of electricity between both of you.

—

everything changed rapidly when you and misa played in the senior team for spain. as soon as the two of you didn’t come in like a thunder strike of an argument, the team was genuinely surprised.

they noticed the complete shift when both of you were starting and unfortunately, your team lost 3-2 in a final. you hadn’t managed to get a goal and you blamed yourself for the whole thing.

you fell to the ground when the final whistle blew, lying on your back with your arm over your eyes as tears rolled down your cheeks.

you weren’t there for long, you felt your body being pulled to an upright position and you let whoever it was do it. you sniffled and looked down at your legs before a gentle hand hooked under your chin and gently directed it upwards.

your eyes met with misa and it made you cry a little more, her heart broke at the sight of you, she’d never seen you cry before. she places a hand on the back of your head and pulled you close to her, tucking your face into her shoulder as you cried.

both of you said nothing, letting yourself melt into misa’s body as everything else tuned out. her other hand rubbed up and down your back, your arms eventually wound around her neck, pulling her closer as she rested her head against yours.

“you played so well,” misa cooed, dismissing all the questioning looks sent by your own teammates, misa only cared about one person and that was you.

“i wasn’t good enough” you mumble against her shirt, misa shook her head, “you’re always good enough, hermosa (beautiful), always” misa said in your ear, her hand on your back now moving in gentle circles as she drew you impossibly closer.

“we lost” you whined, misa tutted at that, “it doesn’t matter, we’ll get them next time” you pull away from her slightly, at arms length.

she smiles at you softly, her hand leaving your head to push a stray hair from your eyes before gently wiping the tears falling on your cheeks. the gesture was so intimate, your stomach was fluttering.

“who are you and what have you done with my misa?” you let out a wet laugh, she laughs along with you, pinching your cheek gently as you both sat on the ground.

“your misa?” she teases, you freeze up a little at that, attempting to pull yourself away from her embrace but she kept you close, pulling you into another hug.

“you’re okay” she breathes out, comforting you as you both conversed quietly back and forth, misa helping you calm down completely before helping you to the change room.

she holds out both of her hands with a friendly smile, you blink up at her and take them both, allowing her to lift you from the ground.

that’s when alexia and jenni came over and began to comfort you, your hands dropping from misa’s and instantly missing the contact.

she went around talking to your teammates as you all slowly filtered into the change room, celebrations still occurring in the change room despite the loss.

you sat quietly in your cubby, misa watched you concerned when you just sat there but she didn’t want to push you anymore.

you all made it back to your hotel, separate rooms for the first time in a while. you collapsed on the bed with an exhausted sigh, starting up at the ceiling while the tv gently filled the atmosphere.

at this point, all you could think about was misa, she was completely clouding up every thought in your head.

your body moving on its own, you walked to the door, swinging it open and letting out a little noise of surprise seeing misa on the other side already. you both clutched your chests in fear, breathing heavily at the fright you gave each other.

“sorry, were you going somewhere?” misa utters, you shook your head, “i was going to your room” you say a little sheepishly, misa’s never heard your voice so soft, especially directed to her.

“oh” she breathes out, you shift your weight between your feet, “do you want to come in?” you swallow, misa nods slowly, moving inside the room and closing the door behind her.

“i just wanted to check up on you” misa admitted, scratching the back of her neck bashfully.

your heart was beating so fast, you nervously glance up at misa before looking back down, trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible. you could feel her eyes burning into your side profile, trying to see what your next move would be.

you clear your throat before sitting on the bed, your legs swinging over the edge, misa smiled at the sight, you looked adorable, she felt like she could see your younger self that she admired so much shining through.

she moved to sit next to you, her thigh slightly brushing yours as she sat down. “i feel bad, but i’ll be okay” you sigh, looking over to see her smiling sympathetically, she places a gentle hand on your knee.

“hermosa (beautiful), you played amazing, i really mean that,” she says earnestly, her hand gently squeezing your knee as she maintains eye contact with you.

you smile sadly at her, “so did you” she grins, “i let three go past me” you shake your head, “it doesn’t matter, misa, you played amazing as usual” her cheeks go a little pink at your compliment, “what have you done with my (y/n)” she mocks, bumping your shoulder with hers.

you laugh brightly, “your (y/n)?” you tease, but she just nods, “mhm, my (y/n)” her eyes flicker between your own, slightly dropping to your lips before catching herself and looking at her hand still resting on your knee, ready to move it away before you placed your hand over hers.

“misa” you breathe out, almost sounding like a plea as you looked at her, her heart caught in her throat, her eyes searching yours. she moved her hand to rest on your cheek, her thumb rubbing the skin there.

your eyes dropped to her lips and she took it as confirmation, closing the gap and placing her lips on yours. you gasp against her, your mouths moving together tenderly before she slipped her tongue in your mouth.

you weren’t sure how it happened but you ended up straddling her lap, both of you breathing heavily as the kiss grew a little hotter. she gently tugged at your bottom lip between her teeth and you whined into her, making her smirk lazily against your lips, squeezing the flesh of your waist as your hands carded through her hair.

you pull away in need of air, you and misa just looking at each other with pink cheeks and blown out pupils.

you pant as you look at her, smoothing down her hair with a giggle. “sorry” you smile, she smiles up at you adoringly, shaking her head lightly, “it’s okay” you keep your hands on her shoulders, your finger lightly grazing the exposed skin near her collar.

“you okay?” she whispers, the words hitting your lips, you nod, leaning forward to peck her lips sweetly, she smiles at you so brightly. “you okay?” you whisper back, she nods, bumping your nose with hers softly.

“if i told 16 year old (y/n) how good of a kisser you were, maybe she wouldn’t hate you as much” you tease, misa chuckles, pulling you in for another kiss, her hand cupping your jaw.

“if i told 16 year old misa all she had to do was kiss you to get you all sweet, i think she’d pass out” she teases back, you giggle, rolling your eyes fondly.

you tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, “you’re so beautiful” you say softly, “you’re more beautiful” she matches your energy, you both smile at each other sweetly.

“i like you, (y/n)” she looks right into your eyes as she says it, you offer her a cheesy grin, “i like you too” she mirrors your expression before pulling you into another kiss, becoming heated relatively quickly.

you pull away breathlessly making her huff in annoyance, “does this mean you’ll let me score against you?” you tease, she rolls her eyes with a laugh, “hm, maybe, bebé (baby)” she mumbles against your lips, pulling you back into the kiss.

—

when you both went to breakfast the next day and sat next to each other closely, you were offered wild looks of amusement.

“isn’t this a surprise” jenni laughed as her and alexia sat across the both of you. “what?” misa shrugged, “well you’re not fighting” alexia smiled, you rolled your eyes, arms crossing over your chest when you sat straight in your chair.

misa placed a hand on your thigh under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. “we don’t fight all the time” misa defended, alexia laughed at that, yelling at ona and aitana for backup that they promptly gave.

“we made up ages ago” you narrow your eyes at alexia, she crinkled her nose at you teasingly, making you bite back a smile.

“oh don’t worry, we know you made up” jenni laughed, looking down at her plate with a smirk as she ate, “and what do you mean by that, jennifer?” you bite back, misa smiled amusingly, loving your feisty side.

“well the hickey on your neck says everything to me” she said simply, your eyes widen and your hand flung to your neck quickly, jenni laughs heartily, making alexia giggle too.

misa puts her head in her hands out of embarrassment now that the whole team was looking at you with teasing grins.

“i thought i heard something interesting last night, misa definitely got (y/n)’s forgiveness with what i heard” jenni teases, you glare at her, misa was bright red, “stop it, jenni” misa grits out,

“okay, i will” jenni smirks, continuing to eat her food before mocking your voice, “oh, misa, don’t stop” you gasp at that, ready to leap over the table to tackle the girl to the floor before you were held back by misa, the girl holding you firmly on her lap.

“misa” you whine, “no,” she reprimands, making you slouch into her, “i’ve never seen her so obedient” alexia smirks, you turn bright red, misa matches her smirk, running her hands up and down the side of your waist, promptly calming you down.

you both sat there like that for a bit until you had to get on the bus back to the airport. you and misa sit together and you both can’t help but relish in the affection and domesticity of being together.

you were cuddling into misa as you both chatted, laughing brightly with each other that had the whole team grinning.

it was extremely different from watching the two of you at each other's throats to seeing you all loved up but it was a happy change for everyone. especially you and misa.

⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ ⋆

you know the drill, just pretend it’s you!!

liked by ona.batlle and 44,232 others

marisabel_rguez: who knew she was such a softie?

view all comments

yourname: fuck off

↳ marisabel_rguez: there she is!!

jennihermoso: i’ve learnt a lot of things about this one😉

↳ alexiaputellas: so have i

↳ marisabel_rguez: oh god, so have i

↳ yourname: stop it.

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 15: we're both of us above part.2

chapter index | next chapter

“Hello?” You answered the call, it was sukuna because of course he always had the worst timing

Sukuna could hear the uncertainty in your voice as if you didnt know who was calling

“Hey” he gruffly responded

Silence hung heavy over the phone, had you not checked to see if the call was still on you would’ve thought he hung up. You wish you could see his face, what was he doing right now? Did he have his brows furrowed the way he used to? when you both talked of something serious.

He wonders the same, if you’re biting your lips or shaking your leg in anticipation. He can imagine it clearly no matter how much has changed

You swallowed the lump stuck in your throat “sukuna?”

Calling his name simply a feeble attempt at getting him to talk, he probably wouldn’t speak you know this yet you tried anyway

“Mommy who is that?” airi asked

Sukuna heard a small voice ask— it was brief and far but he wanted to hear it again, he knew it was airi. He tried to concentrate on it but all he heard was your response

“A friend, baby” you replied calmly “here lets go watch a movie” you moved the phone to your other ear “give me a few minutes” you curtly told sukuna

He wanted to speak, really he did but he didnt know what he’d say, he felt his mouth open to respond and quickly shut again. His heart constricted at the idea that you called him a friend, even if he knows that was just said to appease a 3 and a half year olds mind.

Uncaring for his response— if he even had one, you muted your phone and tossed it on your bed you picked up airi and walked into the living room. Megumi was watching a scary movie while eating some popcorn

You cleared your throat “megumi, im sorry do you think you can watch her for a few minutes”

He turned from where he was sitting to find you looking almost worried he’d wanted to ask what happened, but you probably wouldn’t tell him

“No! Stay with me” airi whined, she clung onto you as you placed her down on the couch

“come on baby you can watch your movie with gumi for a few minutes okay? I’ll be right back” you didn’t know how long the call would take or why sukuna was calling, you’d really prefer if you could deal with him alone for a moment

She was building up to starting a fit but megumi placed the popcorn bowl in her lap and dumped some m&ms in the bowl, airi looked at him in disgust she liked both popcorn and chocolate but separately— she was as sure of this as she could be

“Yuji taught me this one” he softly smiled at airi, and her eyes widened it was instantly more enticing as it was pre-approved by the person who was arguably her favorite at the moment

Airi had her phases or moments where she preferred someones presence more than the other, it depended on the acivity or her mood. It hurts a little sometimes but you also know it’s a normal thing for her to be picky. You smiled at the interaction, while megumi asked airi what she wanted to watch

You quickly made your way back to your room after megumi changed the movie, your hands grabbing at the bottom of your shirt anxiously as you picked your phone back up

Taking a deep breath before unmuting you closed your eyes in acceptance “Why did you call?” You blurted out, but you were met with silence, you could hear him take a deep breath

“Dinner at 5?” He posed the question as if confirming plans you’d never made

You took the phone away from your ear to look at your phone, making sure you heard right “what does that mean?” You were perplexed

He could hear the sound of your disbelief, a prickling feeling crawling up his back— this was hard. He doesn’t understand why this is so hard, theres no way this was proving to be such a challenge.

“Can you do it?” his tone harsh, not meaning for it to come out that way he was just nervous

You rolled your eyes “Today? Thats ridiculously last minute, sukuna” You exclaimed, looking at the clock hanging in your room, 3:15 on the dot

Only receiving a hum in response you continued “I don’t understand, am I meeting you somewhere?”

“I have a place in mind” sukuna said too quietly for his liking, he didn’t really think there’d be a chance that you’d reject him considering he was reaching out, maybe you’d see that he was trying

“I don’t know” you mumbled, you’d hoped he’d be calling to ask about airi, not you, in your mind your dynamic with him has stalled indefinitely until you know what he wants

He could sense your hesitance and he had a feeling he knew why so he continued “can you bring her?”

Your eyes widened, thinking of a response. Your voice would come out unstable you know this, so you wait. You mute yourself, letting out a muttered profanity

You nodded to no one but yourself, trying to get it together, you wanted this right? This is what you’ve been waiting for, for years. Sukuna wanted to meet her, so why do you feel so scared?

“Hello?” Sukunas voice echoed from the phone in your hand, you felt happy but nervous and sad all at once

“Thats fine, we can do 5” you said quietly, but if sukuna could see your face he’d see your apprehensiveness

Sukuna nodded content that you didn’t say no, he feels as if 20 pounds got lifted off his chest, he got past the first part without you rejecting his olive branch. Now he just needed the dinner, that was what he was dreading.

“That all?” You asked, the silence on his end concerned you, was he okay? He was uncharacteristically quiet.

“Yeah” is all sukuna could manage, he opened his mouth to speak again, to say bye or something but you hung up without so much as saying goodbye. Sukuna was confused by your behavior, is this not what you wanted? For him to be present, to care? So why were you giving him the cold shoulder. He hoped it was your nerves and not some moral high horse you’re trying to preserve

————

“We’re going to meet my friend today” You looked into the rearview mirror of your car to see airi looking out the window with excitement, there was still a lot of christmas lights up on peoples houses and buildings, the reflection of them sparkling in her eyes, she always found the lights beautiful.

“I like that one” airi pointed out the window at a specific house that had an all white theme going on, it was rather pretty and you told her as much

You wonder if she heard you and just didnt care, very likely because why would she?

“Are you hungry?” You asked her to which she shrugged

It made you nervous that she might not be the best behaved when it came to food, that innate feeling of disappointing sukuna lurking in the corner of your mind

As you pulled into the parking lot airi drowned out any thoughts you could have while she “sang” along to her favorite songs (it was more like incoherent mumbling half the time with a few words being clear)

You were anxious beyond belief, your hands clammy and your heart beating faster than you’d ever known it to. Years of imagining what this moment would be like, sukunas first time meeting her coming to fruition, you didn’t know what to expect. You’re happy and you keep telling yourself that, this is what you wanted.

With airi in your arms you walked up to the front doors of the restaurant, you placed her down as you approached to pull out your phone, one hand holding tightly onto airis, the other frantically pulling up sukunas contact

“We’re here” you shakily typed the message, you blame the cold for the chill you were feeling but before you could hit send you heard your name

You looked up to lock eyes with sukuna, you chewed on the inside of your cheek at the sight of him he looked… tired. Bags under his eyes that hadn’t been there, hair disheveled, and a slight stubble forming. You wonder if he’d been just as restless as you, because you know you didn’t look any better. He almost looked paranoid, he was wearing a black jacket zipped up with his hands in his pockets, even in the most simple outfits his physique always left you a flustered.

Sukuna had gotten to the restaurant 15 minutes early and had to build up the courage to leave his car… what a strange sentence to relate to himself “building courage” either you had it or you didn’t so why did he try to reason that he was just waiting in his car because it was cold

He saw the moment you and airi had arrived, he couldn’t get a good look at airi but he could see she was bundled up in quite a few jackets. He looked over at the passenger seat at the stuffed rabbit he bought for her, he may or may not have had yuji help him pick it out. To say that yuji was shocked when sukuna recruited him for help was an understatement.

He wonders if she’d think its dumb, he thinks it is, he felt a surge of insecurity in his decisions. He’d always been so self assured, nothing if not aware of his own strengths and yet this small child is making him doubt if he was doing anything right— and he hadnt even met her yet.

He called your name and the sight of you almost made him frown, you looked exhausted with a wistful glint in your eyes, yet somehow so beautiful, he still felt so weak for you and he tries to get it together because thats not the focus here. And he feels it the second he notices his daughter, he stops dead in his tracks.

He was right, she had been suffocated in a big pink puffy jacket with a red sweater underneath and a white scarf. She had pink fluffy earmuffs and pink sparkly boots with fur. He vaguely wonders if thats her favorite color or if you chose that. She hadn’t noticed he was approaching she was too busy looking at you until she followed your line of sight

They locked eyes and sukuna feels his breath hitch. She had a look of confusion on her face her brows slightly furrowed as if trying to understand who he was. She reached out to your leg and slightly hid behind you, he’d be lying if he said that didn’t feel like shit.

You looked down at your daughter and wanted to cringe at her reaction, you don’t blame her though, the man in front of her currently looked like the most unfriendly person on the planet. She didn’t even react to the fact that he had her hair color— one she reacted to so enthusiastically with yuji. You cant blame her exactly it looks like hes never smiled a day in his life and hes abnormally tall and buff, as tall as gojo was his immature nature helped alleviate his intimidating appearance.

“We should go inside its too cold to stand around out here” you murmured, deciding to break the silence and wipe the disgruntled look off of sukunas face

The warmth of the restaurant enveloped your body to your relief, you know airi would be happy to get her jacket off too. It wasn’t anything too fancy but you could tell it wasn’t exactly somewhere toddlers were often at considering airi was the only kid there. The lighting was dim enough that it calmed your nerves and the music wasn’t too loud. You vaguely wondered if this was somewhere sukuna took his dates— you’re not stupid you know he’s moved on. Maybe thats where your unknown agitation for the dinner was coming from, a part of you felt like maybe this was an obligation, something to help his own conscience so he could keep living the way he was.

The hostess led you to your booth styled table and handed you the kids menu, making an off handed comment on how cute your family was, if she noticed how awkward and shifty you and sukuna behaved at that, she didn’t comment. Airi was attached to you like glue as she planted herself right next you, sukuna wasn’t hurt but it was the strangest scene to see both of you right in front of him. He was afraid to speak, feeling that if he did the image in front of him would change, he’d wake up from another dream. It didn’t feel real to be here with you and his kid, he cant tear his eyes away from her.

You notice this and realize he’s trying to accept that airi is actually real, it still hasn’t seemed to click, a look of vacant disbelief. Sukuna simply cant get over how much she looks like him, yeah he saw her pictures but here in person? Its different and guilt sits heavy in chest

As you helped airi take her scarf and jacket off as well as her earmuffs you placed everything in between the both of you. It was not lost on you that airi was unusually quiet she was eyeing the strange man in front of her with a skeptical look on her face

“Airi this is my friend, sukuna” you spoke

Sukuna couldn’t speak, he felt as if he was watching himself from outside of his body, his movements slow as he moved to unzip his jacket revealing a white rabbit plush, tossing the jacket aside. Airi immediately perked up and her expression changed from intimidated to intrigued.

Your eyes widened as you saw what he was holding, you wanted to smile you almost did a part of you screaming at how cute it was. Your mind also somehow short circuiting because this is the first time you’d seen sukuna without a jacket and he’d gotten so much more buff and you feel your face warm up in an embrassing way. Your interest also drawn to how he’d really gotten more tattoos across his arms and around his neck. He was only wearing a simple t-shirt but it made you feel like you had a stupid crush again.

“Uh this is yours” sukuna spoke, how the fuck do you talk to kids?

He moved the plush to the center of the table and airi looked at you then the plush as if asking for your permission

“Its yours” you smiled at her and nodded towards it

She smiled widely before reaching excitedly for the bunny “mommy its so cute!” She exclaimed, sukuna furrows his brows at how quickly her mood changed, thats really all it took? It was similar to yujis mood swings as a kid, maybe he could pull this off? (He thinks thats not likely as he reflects on his current relationship with his brother) So fine, maybe he should be better.

“It is, what do you say?” You urged her

She turned to smile at sukuna “thank you!”

Sukuna tried to hide the way he wanted to smile. She was… adorable and thats not a word he used at pretty much any point. He clenched his fist slightly, unsure of what to say, he really was nervous, why was he so concerned about a toddlers approval?

“Sukuna is yujis brother” you continued

Airi looked around as if searching for yuji, assuming he’d be here if you mentioned him, not fully understanding familial relations, its not like she had a clear idea of it. She wasn’t raised to call megumi her brother nor gojo her father, she knew people had them thanks to her movies but just not really understanding the idea of how they’re actually related

“He helped me pick that out” sukuna mentioned more so talking to you as airi had become distracted with the plush

“Its perfect” you smiled at him, it was your genuine smile, the smile he’d missed so much the one that flashed in his mind every time he closed his eyes to think of you.

He takes in your face, really seeing you without an argument or something to hide. The air between you two is heavy and he can feel how he wants to let himself slip back into the old routine with you. He wants to ask you what you’re going to get and if you want to split it (you usually liked what he got more than what you ordered), he wonders if you still order the same drink you always did.

He watched as you asked airi what she wanted to eat but she was only half paying attention, more distracted with the plush in front of her. Too lost in his thoughts he doesnt hear what airi decides to eat, being pulled further and further into his mind until you cleared your throat. The waitress had apparently come back to the table to ask for your orders, he hadn’t even noticed. He ordered last and the same thing he got last time— he found this place on accident and had yuji with him. It was good enough in his opinion that he’d come back to it, maybe it was good enough that you’d like it too.

With the way sukuna was behaving the idea that maybe he wasn’t sober skates across your mind, he was slow to react and couldn't keep eye contact. Those aren’t sure indicators but still, you'd just never seen him behave so strangely, not calculated in the slightest. You want to ask but decide against it, if you were really concerned you could just leave.

Sukuna unaware of your thought process watches you, moving to open your bag, which he’s now noticing is a little big considering the old bags you used to use. He guesses it makes sense considering you’re carrying stuff for two people now

“You want to color now?” You asked airi to which she nodded, you pulled out a coloring book and some crayons that clearly had been at the hands of a 3 year old. Did she like coloring often? He’s surprised you didn’t pull out an iPad, he’s somehow relieved airi wasn’t an “iPad kid”. He notes the child has gone back to ignoring him, he tells himself it doesn’t bother him because he understands he’s technically a stranger but he was here to meet her so… what now?

As airi flipped through the book he notices that some of the pages were just a massacre of 10 different crayon colors and not a single line was colored in. She lands on a page that has no color yet but the page next to it has the name ‘satoru’ on it and was neatly halfway colored, clearly it was an adults handwriting and coloring, sukuna knows his face twisted in slight disgust at the thought of gojo.

“Want to?” He hears a small voice ask him and he looks to see airi holding out a blue crayon to him, it looks like it’s been to war and back but he chooses not to comment on it. He wants to say no, he’s going to say no because hes a grown man even if this is what parents do he thinks he won’t until his daughter shoves the crayon in his hand

“No I dont-“ but his complaint is cut short as airi shushes him and points to the uncolored page of flowers and a cat sat in the middle. His brows raised as he looked at you, definitely hiding a laugh behind your hand. She just shushed him? Where did that come from? He’d never felt so insulted.

You know you should’ve corrected her, especially because she most definitely picks up the shushing from megumis interactions with gojo but it felt good to see sukuna so helpless. What is he going to do argue with a 3 year old? (You would be proven wrong much to your dismay)

“Here” airi called out to Sukuna when she noticed he still had not moved to color the page she was pointing to. Two of the most stubborn beings you’d known sat in an unspoken duel of who would cave first. You want to laugh because for fucks sake it was just coloring, would it kill him? Probably, knowing how dramatic he was.

Sukuna all but grumbled some words and decided to color on the page she wasn’t pointing at, the one with Gojos dumb ass name, a simple butterfly surrounded by some swirls. Fine, he’ll color but he’ll color where he wants, unknowing that airi takes her book very seriously.

“No!” She half shouted “thats uncle torus” she pouted and snatched the crayon from sukunas hand

“I dont ca-" he was rudely cut off by your foot meeting his shin under the table and before he could complain you turned to airi

“Yes, baby that is uncle torus” you turned to give a pointed look towards sukuna with a stern tone “and thats very nice that you are saving the page for him like he asked”

You know sukuna doesn’t get it, hes just being petty too because its gojo but you really were proud of the way airi was mindful of gojos request. But sure she could’ve been nicer, so you remind her as much

“But remember you can say it nicer next time, okay? We can say ’please don’t color there’”

To which airi pouted and nodded, sukuna watched completely baffled. This was foreign to him, this was something he could not handle— This was parenting? He hadn’t even thought of any of what you said. Every decision he makes being watched as if under a microscope filled him with dread.

“What do you say?” You asked

“Im sorry” airi mumbled and avoided eye contact with the man in front of her, turning her head to look at the other tables

You looked at him, clearly awaiting a response and he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t think it was that big of a deal. And honestly to you it wasn’t really either, you don’t want to police all her actions but when the boys at home let her get away with anything you feel like you have to put your foot down. Airi has to be reminded of manners considering she doesn’t have the most mindful family members between Megumis attitude and satorus childish nature you were left with no choice but to be the bad cop. And with yuji around more encouraging her chaotic side it felt like you were outnumbered and worried that all of this combined would be very influential to an already spoiled only child. You did not want that for her, you wanted her to be mindful.

“S’fine” sukuna grumbled, he noticed his daughter made no motion to pick up the crayon she was holding to continue coloring and it made him feel responsible for it. Even if it was technically because of gojos greedy ass (he thinks) that she got a scolding. He moved to start coloring on the page she asked but she still did not acknowledge him, so he tapped twice on the page with his index finger and she lifted her head to him slightly. Sukuna held out the crayon he was holding to her

“Where do I color” he asked with a monotone voice and you know hes trying but he really could not sound more disinterested

Airis mouth quirked up in a small smile and she grabbed the crayon from his hand “here” she pointed at the flower on the page and started coloring it in for him (the term coloring in used lightly she clearly did not know what the lines were for)

He gently removed the crayon from her hand and kept coloring the flower she told him to and she excitedly grabbed her abandoned crayon and began color the cat orange. She was humming mindlessly for a few moments and sukuna felt a small smile threaten to pull at his lips, he quickly realized that and shook his head slightly.

“Do you like cats?” airi asked, sukuna looked at you before answering as if asking for permission to speak, you shrugged and motioned your hand for him to continue

“No”

Airi looked at him as if he told her the sky wasn’t blue, that clearly wasn’t the answer she wanted, he honestly hadn’t even thought about his response. He’d never particularly wanted pets, too much responsibility and in some sense he felt bad being a pet owner— not that he’s some animal activist but a small part of him hates how domesticated animals have become because of humans, how dependent they are.

“Do you like cats?” Sukuna countered wanting to avoid a follow up question

“Yes!” Airi exclaimed “kitties and bunnies are so cute” she looked up at sukuna to see his reaction

He knows he fucked up with the cats so maybe he could fix it with the rabbits even if he thinks they’re boring “rabbits are… ” he trailed off “cute” he said completely expressionless to which airi scrunched up her nose, he was odd she thought vaguely

“What are those” airi asked pointing at his tattoos

So much for the rabbits comment he thinks, “tattoos” he responded bluntly

She looked at him waiting for an elaboration and then turned to you as if asking to clarify

“Its like coloring but on me and it doesn’t come off” he continued

Airi gasped excitedly and she looked at him “I want them!”

“No” this time you spoke up “they’re for adults only” no playfulness in your voice

Airi pouted and turned towards you “why”

You pondered the response until sukuna spoke up “cause it hurts”

Both you and airi turn to sukuna and he looks at airi face once again expressionless, you wonder if he knows he looks the way he does. Airi pouted once again, she didn’t like things that hurt (her doctors appointments for shots proving to be a prime example) so you’re thankful sukuna said something about pain.

And thankfully before her attitude could worsen the waitress came back with the food right in time to distract your daughter entirely. You wondered if the food was just fast to come out or if the time had flown by that fast.

A strange wave of awareness washed over sukuna as he picked up his fork to dig into his food, he looked up at you and airi and noticed that before you even began to eat you tore up airis chicken tenders to blow on them a bit before she ate them. He’s hungry and he wants to eat but he feels strange like he’s supposed to wait, he doesn’t know why because thats never been a thought for him. So he places his fork down and reaches for the ketchup at the end of he table and places it in front of airis plate. Airi looks at the bottle with a scowl on her face and then up to sukuna, he feels a slight flinch in his reaction because she had never looked more like him than in that moment, he almost feels proud. Almost, if the scowl wasn’t directed at him.

You’re fighting back a smile as he looks at you waiting for you to translate airis reaction for him you looked at him with a playful smugness “she doesn’t like ketchup”

“What kid doesn’t like ketchup” sukuna remarks, really though hes confused. Yuji would eat anything if ketchup was on it

“Yours” you deadpanned as you wiped off the crumbs from your fingers, moving to clear airis coloring book and crayons from the table and back to your bag.

There was a teasing undertone to your words that could’ve fooled sukuna into thinking this was a normal dinner, something you do all the time together.

He didn’t respond, choosing instead to eat now that airi was working on her food. He noted that she took a painfully long time on ONE fry, who takes that long to eat anything? He decides to keep his mouth shut (very hard to do) and appreciates his dish, avoiding looking at you entirely. Sure he could’ve made small talk but he knows you can feel it too, the understanding that this dinner was for airi, the food turns bitter in his mouth and his heart beats a little faster.

You feel the same, you have no appetite and you’re just eating to eat, its an oppressive feeling of anxiety that leaves you lightheaded. Its amazing how out of control you feel in this situation, like when you were a child and you knew you parents were upset with you and there was nothing you could do. Its a terrible emotion to experience at the age you are now, especially as a mother to be reminded that somehow you can still be haunted by those times. Even if its different than when you were a child and it was just your unstable parents being immature, you know you were now an adult who made the decision that upset sukuna, it was merely the notion that you were irremissible in sukunas eyes. That look in his eyes, it wasn’t what you remembered, and instead of the warmth and comfort you felt in his gaze it quickly began to feel like a suffocating inferno of whatever anger he held for you.

He can see you’re clearing thinking of something, in fact you’re kind of thinking quite loud, he opened his mouth to comment until he notices airi staring at what looks to be his forehead (he realizes shes looking at his hair). A glint of what could be considered recollection flashes across the toddlers face and she pokes your arm

“Pink hair” she not so quietly whispered to you

you nod your head and struggle to swallow the food in your mouth, surprised she didn’t say something sooner but it hurt to hear nonetheless

Sukuna had a small smirk as he chewed his food. You glared at him knowing he didn’t do a damn thing and those 9 months were cruel just so she could come out of you looking exactly like him, it did hurt, but whats more insulting is that your genes didn’t even try…

“It was the first thing she said about yuji” you said, you know it was petty but you couldn’t help it

“I had it first” sukuna snapped back grumbling something about how the brat ruins everything

Airis face quickly turned into one of discomfort, like she had eaten something bad, she didn’t like sukunas tone and you noticed immediately. She had shut down and scooted closer to you eating her tenders with her head looking down at her lap, she moved the bunny plush from next to her and put it on the table.

She’s not quite used to brashness such as sukunas, as much as megumi snapped at gojo he tried not to do it in front airi because she didn’t realize it wasn’t directed at her. And the pout and subtle teariness in her eyes made it so hard to reprimand her because It did hurt to have to get stern with her when she did something she wasn’t supposed to. The same look on her face now as sukuna had a disgruntled look on his (more directed at himself) at her reaction to his voice.

You could feel his eyes glaring daggers at you as you picked at your salad and brushed airis hair behind her ear as she ate, putting your fork down you picked up your phone he noticed you began texting and felt insecurity pull at his chest, were you texting gojo? Were you telling him it was going bad? Were you going to leave at airis abrupt change? But his phone pinging startled him out of such thoughts he looked down to see that you’d messaged him

“She doesn’t like people getting angry” your message read and he rolled his eyes

“I wasn’t mad at her” he texted back, he thinks it was clear he was talking to you

“She doesn’t like it either way.”

You locked your phone after that final response and continued to pick at your food, sukuna felt annoyed that nothing he seemed to do pleased the kid. She was temperamental sure, she is a toddler that aspect is subjected to change, yet he wonders why she is that way, yuji barely even flinched at sukunas harsh demeanor as a kid, used to sukunas harsh words by age 7.

Sukuna cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably he stared at the rabbit plush that had black buttoned eyes and felt like it was judging him, fine he thought

“Yuji says hi” sukuna mumbled

Airi looked up and around the room really thinking that he was going to show up

“He’s not here” to which airi went back to frowning

god this was exhausting he thinks “I can bring him next time” sukuna added as a last ditch attempt

Your heart skipped a little at the ‘next time’ the implication that this wasn’t a one time thing, you also saw that he was trying to cheer her up in his own way

“Come on baby cheer up, finish your food so you can get some dessert” you rubbed her back as she scooted back to her original spot and began to pick at her last tender, she was picky but she does eat what she likes so at least theres that

Sukunas not sure at what point airis mood changed but she started to ramble on and on about (according to you) her favorite movie at the moment, most of it doesn’t make sense at all he’s not even sure what she’s trying to describe because most of the words are incorrectly pronounced or just not known but at least she’s not upset.

Its an out of body experience for you, to see the look of concentration on sukunas face as airi talks, youre not even really paying attention but you know you have a dumb smile on your face. It’s written all over your features that you’re unbelievably happy in this moment, even if your mind is screaming that you were robbed of this for the past few years you try to tell yourself to focus on now, that at least he wanted to be around.

“Dessert?” Sukuna asked more so to you and you didnt even realize him and airi were looking at you for what seemed like permission, which was strange to you

“If airi wants it” you shrugged still not having an appetite, you barely finished your own meal, you know you’d come to regret that in an hour once your nerves calm down.

Sukuna squinted slightly at you as the waitress came to clear the table of the plates “can we see the dessert menu?” You asked with a kind smile, the waitress notes in her mind.

“No problem I’ll be right back with that” she nodded returning your smile and looking briefly at sukuna who appeared to be unhappy

“What now” you muttered towards him, airi was very much distracted by your phone taking blurry pictures of everything, including sukuna

“Are you going to eat?” He asked bluntly, remembering last minute that he couldnt ask with a tone that sounded even remotely upset

“I did” you replied smoothly

“Alright, here’s your dessert menu” the waitress conveniently returned before sukuna could interrogate you more, you hated when he did that

Thanking her as you grabbed it you looked down to see airi recording sukuna, he was checking something on his phone and looked up when he heard airi giggling mischievously. He furrowed his brows in what looked to be upset as he noticed the camera pointed towards him and he heard as airis laugh cut off abruptly towards his reaction

Fuck, he forgot about his face. He wasnt upset, in fact it kinda made him feel like an idiot how he was a little content at the idea that youd have pictures of him on your phone. He also realized he hadnt hear airi laugh, fully laugh the way she did now, so it startled him slightly

You noticed quickly enough and took the phone from her hands and distracted her with the menu “look baby they have your favorite” you pointed to the picture. It was a brownie with ice cream on top, you had made it at home for her a few times because she had it once at a restaurant and fell in love with it

Airi cheered and took the menu from your hands, you don’t know why because she couldn’t read it but she always liked to pretend she did

“Ill delete it later” you clarified speaking to sukuna “asshole” you muttered

“I wasn’t-“ he started defensively

“Not now” you quipped back

Sukuna swallowed his remark choosing to not make it worse

“I like this one” airi shoved the menu into sukunas hand and pointed towards the brownie

“We’ll get that one then” he responded

Airi smiled at him again “thank you!”

He knew you could see that he was left a little speechless, he just nodded in response, still not used to how it seemed that airi could ask him to walk into oncoming traffic and as long as she smiled he would do it. Gruesome comparison he knows but it’s how he imagines such levels of vulnerability. He just met this kid too, he really can’t understand it.

Sukuna knows the night is ending, airi finished her dessert with his help and the waitress bought back his card (he insisted on paying for dinner) You’re starting to look more tired and despite her sugar rush the kid keeps yawning. He knows he’s going to go home to an upset brother and you’re going to take his daughter to a home with that white haired bastard and his brat. He knows you’re happy with them and maybe thats what makes it harder, that as you sat here at dinner with him you probably wished to be back home with them. Such insecure and pathetic thoughts rattled around in his head as he watched you put airis jacket back on.

You cleared your throat as you zipped up her jacket “we should probably head back home”

He nodded quietly, getting up to lead you two out of the restaurant he felt anxious, he didn’t particularly want to say bye, sure he loved his peace and quiet and being able to express himself without making a kid cry but he knew he’d get home and sleep better than he has in months simply because he was with you again. Maybe not how he wants but he saw you, he saw your smile and heard your laugh, he saw a new you someone he wanted to know, if you’d let him— if he let himself. The cold air hits his face in a cruel way as if a literal smack to the face he looks back to see you’ve picked airi up and have her on your hip as airi holds onto the bunny plush for dear life.

“Let me walk you back to your car” sukuna stated-- not suggested, you didn’t even bother arguing it

The walk was quiet save for the scuff of your shoes on the concrete and the sound of your keys unlocking the doors as soon as you got close enough, already having them in your hands before you left the restaurant

“Thank you” you spoke softly, stopping in front of your car

He only nodded again, whats he supposed to say

“Uh, tomorrow’s New Years Eve” you started to which he hummed in response

“Yuji was going to come over, him and megumi wanted to watch some movies, they wanted to match a scene of one of their favorite movies to when it hits midnight” you continued, you noticed sukuna hadn’t looked away from airi since you’d started speaking

“You don’t have to but you can come too” you spat out, your heart was beating so fast you knew he’d say no, you don’t know why you invited him

He couldn’t think of anything worse and he doesn’t know how to tell you that. Not because of you or airi but because the minute he walked through that door he knows he’d be met with pity from everyone there. He knows they’d look at him like he was some sorry bastard who was down on his luck, like he had nowhere to go. He didn’t care what people thought about him but he refused to be pitied— to be at the hands of that filled him with dread

He scratched the back of his head and looked around and you braced yourself for the “no”

“I probably shouldn’t” he mumbled

“I know” you gave him a small smile, as if you had expected it and yet you still asked that stung a bit and he doesn’t know if it would’ve hurt more if you hadn’t invited him at all.

“You’re not gonna tell her?” He asked obviously you knew he was asking

how you hadn’t mentioned he was her father

You gave him a small look of annoyance, you know she should know but you’re still scared plus she probably wont even care and that reaction could do a lot more damage to sukunas pride then there already is

You sighed “airi” you took the plush from her hands and she was ready to complain “that’s sukuna” you pointed towards the man in front of you and she gave you a bored expression still trying to reach for the rabbit plush, she knew that you already told her she clearly thought

“Sukuna is your dad” she stopped reaching for the plush and turned her annoyance towards sukuna she looked at him as he awkwardly shifted

“No” airi replied and went back to reaching for the toy

Sukunas eyes widened and he barked out a laugh, which startled you. It was a humorless laugh more like her answer caught him off guard

“Don’t know what I expected” sukuna remarked, you looked at him an apology swimming in your eyes

“What do you mean baby” hoping maybe you could salvage it

She only shrugged

You didn’t really know what to say, you’d expected an uninterested reaction but this was far worse than that.

“Im sorry” you apologized you felt a tear fall down your face and thats somehow what made him feel bad. A small part of him respected airis answer, he cant blame her even if it was bizarrely blunt

“Its fine” sukuna replied and somehow his voiced almost made you believe him

Airi reached to wipe the tear “no mommy”

“I know baby im fine” you placed a kiss on her cheek “thank you”

Sukuna called your name and you looked at him “Its. Fine.” Its not like you could’ve controlled what airi said, he knows thats not the answer you wanted for him and maybe thats why he’s not that upset about it, you feel upset for him.

“I'll just take the rabbit back” he joked and he forgot that the toddler doesn't understand sarcasm

Airi screamed “NO!” She hugged the plush and looked at him with an anger in her eyes that hes not even sure a toddler should know

He put his hands up in fake surrender “I won’t”

And you sniffled and laughed at him, it was watery and almost sounded pained but it was a laugh nonetheless and he bit his cheek to fight the small smile pulling at his lips

“I’ll get you a bigger one” he told airi when he noticed airi was the only one not happy at all

To that she smiled and nodded yes enthusiastically

“She already has so many toys” you mumbled, your back aged 30 years just going around picking them up

Sukuna shrugged

“We seriously have to go, its getting late” you softly smiled at him, he felt him stuff his hands in his pockets grasping his phone, he wanted to take a picture. Airi was picking at the rabbits eye and you were looking up at him with such soft eyes he didn’t want you to leave.

“Ill see you soon” he replied and you nodded

Moving to the back seats door of the car you opened it and sukuna followed as he held the door open so it wouldn’t hit you as you buckled airi into her carseat. You could feel sukuna watching your every move, you swallowed your nerves

“Say bye airi”

“Bye kuna!” She smiled and waved and you felt your heart stop

His old nickname hit your ears in such a sorrowful way, you hadn’t even thought of it in years, you know its cause she cant pronounce his name fully but it made the smile fall from your face

Sukuna wasn’t in a better shape, he too hadn’t heard that name in years and he only ever heard it leave your lips in your voice. He felt a pang in his chest, like his heart threatened to stop. He couldn’t speak and whatever composure he had held throughout the evening crumbled, he nodded yes repeatedly avoiding eye contact

“Bye airi” he replied back and backed away from the door

You quickly shut it before she said anything else to make it worse

“Bye sukuna” you spoke as you walked around to the drivers side, he was following slowly behind

You turned to look at him and he did nothing but lift his hand in a lazy wave

He had a look in his eyes, like he’d seen a ghost and you cant blame him

It hurt you to get into your car and watch him slowly walk back to his own, the heater warming up yours, airi was telling you something, youre not sure what because all you could focus on was him.

Maybe you should’ve hugged him, maybe you should’ve said something but you know better than anyone that the name airi used dredged up memories that neither of you wanted to deal with. Not right now.

“Mommy!” Airi shouted, realizing you hadnt been hearing her

“Yes baby” you replied, almost robotically

“kunas scary”

“He can be nice” you replied voice cracking as you watch him open his car door, you don’t know why it kills you to see him alone like that

“Mmmmmm” airi hummed "no"

“Lets go home” you changed the subject not really in the mood to argue it, you wiped your eyes and pulled out of the parking space

[i-heart-hxh]

During the shinju scene,meleoron mentions theres something killua cant tell him, what is it that killua couldnt tell him?

from what i seen,shinjuu isnt always romantic,was it he couldnt tell meleoron he was going to die w gon because of his romantic feelings

The line

meleoron:‘if you joking,whyd u have that incredibly sad look on ur face(talking about when he was observing killua with gon)’ ‘you cant tell me,so i wont ask’ or in different translations its ‘cant you tell me?’ But in the original japanese its about being unable to tell somebody something

Hello!

So, I decided to just post (most of) these two pages because I think seeing the art and layout of the actual pages helps with understanding exactly what's going on and also analyzing it. I also went and looked at the pages in Japanese just to see if anything stood out. Aside from the famous shinjuu line, the translation seems fine.

Just to summarize and be clear before I launch into further analysis: In this scene, Killua says (with a rather dark expression) that the worst case scenario is he and Gon die together in a lovers suicide. Killua sees that Meleoron is rather vexed/taken aback/discouraged by this response and doesn't know what to say, so then Killua immediately claims he's just kidding and that they'll be okay after all, and he knows how to snap Gon out of it.

Meleoron then internally doubts that Killua is kidding about this, because he was there when Gon said the "It has nothing to do with you," (essentially) line that pushed Killua away, and he saw how heartbroken Killua looked by that. He then decides it's not worth asking because Killua clearly doesn't want to be honest about his feelings, he can't or won't express what he's going through, so he backs off.

I'm glad you brought this up because it's a piece of the whole shinjuu scene that people don't talk about as much, but this whole exchange and Togashi bothering to show Meleoron's reaction to it in the first place says a lot about the importance of the scene. If Meleoron didn't pause and connect this to Killua's earlier heartbroken moment (and notice how it takes up literally half of the page--it's important!), it would be easy to read on past it without thinking about it more deeply.

In other words, this further exchange with Meleoron is emphasis. It's there so the readers don't simply gloss over what Killua said about the shinjuu, and so the readers understand that he means it, that no matter what he says to the contrary, Killua is in fact serious about this possibility. It's there to slow things down enough so the readers can reflect on and ask their own questions about the situation.

I'm sure this is why Togashi bothered to put Meleoron in the scene with Gon pushing Killua away in the first place--there was no other reason for him to be there, other than being an observer of this moment and standing in to ask these questions.

Meleoron--an outside observer without as much context for Gon and Killua's relationship as the rest of us--wonders what's going on here, why Killua looked utterly destroyed by a few simple words. But because he saw Killua's immediate urge to lie and say it's a joke when he hesitated, he knows Killua won't open up to him about exactly what's going on, why Killua was so devastated by what Gon said to him and why Killua intends to do a teen lovers suicide with his best friend if all goes badly. Meleoron is definitely pointing out (in his view, anyway) that there are feelings behind this that Killua is unable and unwilling to talk about. Is he implying they're romantic feelings? I mean...

This happens so much in Chimera Ant arc around Killua's feelings. Togashi leaves it open-ended, doesn't spell it out blatantly, but it seems like the question is being asked over and over again--what exactly are the nature of Killua's feelings for Gon, anyway? And there keep being these moments where the concept of romantic love is conjured in some form in connection with or around this unspoken question being asked, like multiple instances in the Palm subplot I've talked about a bunch of times now. (Linking to that post in particular because it links to a lot of other Palm subplot related posts.)

Even the way Killua asks if Gon considers him a friend or a comrade, asking What are we? basically is essentially a shoujo trope--and especially how it was presented, very dramatic with a lot of focus and emphasis on Killua's internal turmoil around asking the question.

There are just so many times in this arc where emphasis gets placed on a question of, What are your feelings for Gon anyway, Killua? in an indirect way, including this moment with Meleoron. It's repeated so many times and there are so many instances where there's some subtext around or even direct mention of romantic love hovering around these questions, it's basically daring the audience to answer.

It's true that shinjuu can be non-romantic in some cases, however the word choice is meaningful. Togashi knows what the implications of it are, especially in a literary sense. He could have chosen other ways to phrase this, he could have opted not to use this word in particular. If it was presented completely in isolation from any other romantic subtext, there would be more of an argument to be had for it just being included in a platonic sense, but with how much repeated romantic subtext there is with Gon and Killua's relationship to begin with...I think the word choice is very intentional.

I hope that answers your question!

[romanarose]

Hi Roman! Loooove your HCs re: the TF boys. Could I pls ask you what you think would be the biggest sources of contention when it comes to each guy and their SO & how they handle relationship conflict?

Hello, wonderful human! Sorry it took so long for me to respond. Been cranking out fics to catch up and prepare for everything lol!!!

Happy to answer you! I'll be focusing mostly on the guys issues, not so much readers, but we all bring out own things into relationships.

Warnings: Addiction, ptsd, general relationship issues

I think everything should be gender neutral, correct me if i missed something.

More HC's here

Santiago

Commitment.

My dude can't commit to a thing.

I imagine after the movie events he went to see yvonna.... and then left after a few months bc he's a mess.

First arguement you get into he;s like "fine! I'll just leave then, clearly this isn't working"

And you give your best ????? face.

Santi you dumbass.

But you don't give up that easily! You're a menace to society.

You make him face down the issue, talk to you, and *gasp* share how he feels!

When its resolve, you tell him he can't just threaten to leave when he gets frustrated. If he wants to leave he needs to be honest, but he can't hide away under one small issue.

You ask if he really wants to leave. He says no so fucking fast.

He admits he hasn't had any stability in his life like... ever. Immigrant family, military, then his less-than-legal missions... but he wants to make it work with you

You have to work to find a balance between not letting him run away but not forcing him to stay.

But it works. Santi finds you easier and easier to talk to about things and soon enough, he's been with you for a year and theres still no itch to leave.

Ben

Benny Miller is a goof ball.

That's why you fell in love with him in the first place!

But he's not the most mature. He struggles to be serious, even when he wants to. That's the issue. You don't want to dampen his shine, you love him how he is

Thing is, you've been together 6 months and you still feel like you're casually dating.

There was no big "I love you".

He simple kissed your cheek saying goodbye, said "love you!" and dashed off to his friends.

But you did love him, you loved him so much but you weren't sure he was invested as you were. Maybe he wasn't ready for a serious relationship or you were more of a casual date to him...

Benny notices your mood change pretty quickly. He may be dumb but he's not stupid

(This is a joke Benny is canonically a highly skilled and talented individual I love him so much.)

"What am I to you?"

You ask him and it starts a whole discussion. You're surprised to find he's listening intently to what you have to say, takes in your words well.

You express how it hurts that every time he says "love you" It's the same tone of voice he uses with his friends or brother. He makes you feel like you're "one of the guys" but you're having sex.

Benny pauses and gathers his words before expressing that he does love you, very deeply. He thinks about marrying you... he just struggles to express it verbally. After some talking, you introduce him to the idea of love languages.

You figure out Benny loves receiving with words of affirmation and thats what he gets stuck on. He can't express well through words, so he thinks he's fucked.

You take the time to talk about the other four, and ways he can express through those.

After this talk, you feel much better and Ben makes you feel so, so loved and special.

(He also makes sure to say his "I love you" during sex or more initmate moments, not just in passing, letting you know that he really, really does.)

Will

Fear.

You probably expected PTSD, didn't you?

Well thats a part of it. His PTSD does affect his life but I think he's scared to lose you and scared to hurt you.

Will keeps you at arms length. Maybe you're a friend of Ben's and are around a lot and clear chemistry!! But nothing is happening

Finally you confront him. Bestie you can't keep lingering touch on my arm if you're not gonna fuck me about it.

Will is def the most straight forward and self aware so he's gonna be honest.

"I choked a man out in a grocery store for not moving his cart fast enough and almost killed him, my fiance left me after that, I've got 33 confirmed kills and also I watched one of my best friends die and carried his dead body over the fucking Andes, man."

A lot to unpack there!!!!

He tells you he's afraid he's going to lose you if he lets you get too close. He's afraid of hurting you.

You tell him he's sweet but he should also go to therapy.

You go with him to the first appointment.

Will I think is the easiest bc I just think hes the most mature and open

Frankie

Addiction

My dude hates himself.

And literally any feeling he's like "well time to do some coke about it."

It wasn't a big deal when you just started dating. You knew he did coke sometimes on weekends and rationalized that it can't be that big a deal, it's like drinking, right?

(Im 26 now and realizing how many people casually do coke is wild to me. None of my business tho.)

But soon you realize just how bad it's gotten. He's high almost all the time. Then his liscense comes under review. Then the trip to south america...

You don't think he's ever even sober, and you're worried about him, worried his heart is going to give out. Sometimes you stay awake watching him breath just to be sure.

Finally you can't take it anymore. You never wanted to to be the ultimatum party but you can't do this, you're suffering and so is he. He either gets sober or you leave. You didn't care how long it took, you didn't care if he relapsed but he needed to start trying.

Frankie ops to go to rehab. It's best, because he's gonna need to detox first.

You visit often, almost every day, making sure his friends all knew when visit times were and sometimes going as group, sometimes separate but always making sure someone came by every single day so he knew he wasn't alone.

90 days later, Frankie comes out a new man. He's cheeks fuller and pants tighter but his smile bigger.

He's gonna be okay and so are you.

Tom

He's dead

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!! I love tf boys head cannons <3

[msp9]

THIS IS MY LIKES AND DISLIKES OF CHAOS THEORY ⚠️Spoilers below cut⚠️

When i first finished this season, I too like some people, was skeptical about it. I get why some people say its bad, I just thought it was very different from cc. At points the characters didin't feel like themsleves, the way some of them were written and the designs gave me a real hard time to get used to them. Also i felt as if it was just too much to process at times so i rewatched it and my final answer is that its a good show the pacing is incredeble, the plot, the suspence and character development. i just had a hard time getting used to everything new? Ig. I'm still doubting whether its a 10 but sure thing is that it was a very good first season its a easy 9/10. So here are the thinks i liked abt it:

-THE WAY THEY POTRAYED EVERYONES TRAUMA/STRUGGLES , Sammy having anxiety, Yaz overcoming her ptsd, and KENJI. MY BOY. That must have been the best breakdown i've seen in animated series. Whoever wrote that scene. Wow. It was the best thing in the whole show honestly. His vision gtting blurry, having truble breathing. The panick. Wow. I CANNOT SAY THIS LOUD ENOUGH.

-Ben and Sammy duo? Hello? Im srry to say but you might just be better than Yaz and Ben duo. Idk i really loved them.

- "Benjamin."

- Showing Yaz is doing better. Despite her ongoing struggles, she has clearly grown and matured the last 6 years, and the way she calmed Sammy in the sinking van? Ig all those therapy sessions and college paid off. That scene is a clear illustration of the progress she has made. I mean sammy did say "i can tell shes still struggling" but there wasnt really a clear scene of her getting stuck in place as she used to. So my guess is that it was just Sammys anxiety and the fact that they didint talk much. Bc then Sammy was surprised how she kept herselve together. So yeah

-YASAMMY. NOTHING MORE TO ADD.

-UM SAMMYS CHARACTER?? HELLO? GLOW UP, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, i loved her sm. She moved up to my top 3.

And her anxiety? It was so well shown too

-the fight between Sammy and Yaz felt so natural and not at all forced. They both had valid points and in the end they did understand each other and were on the same page.

-Ben being Ben in almost every episode

- Yasmina's "boo."

-Brooklynns design?? Majestic to say the least.

- ingore what i said ealrier abt the acting out of character. They do remind themsleves they just grew

Well, all except Ben...

-Kenjis new voice actor, he did a real good job, as much as it doesn't sound like him, he really captured some emotional scenes very well.

- The robot lady. THEY REALLY SAID TAKE A WOMAN AND MAKE HER CREEPY ASF. I was genunanly creeped out. And the detail that at the ranch if u listen closesly u can hear the whistle. Hell nah that was scary.

-Benrius Ben and Darius friendship, okay actually u can't tell me u didint feel it too, the tention between ben and Darius cmon we all know what u are Ben stop making up girlfriends in Europe

-Brooklynn turning bad, or from what we are told worked for bad people ig. Personally as much as it shocked me, im sure theres a good reason as to why and i cant wait to hear more abt in season 2.

-I can now undertand what everyone meant in reviews saying "its more mature" not only in the more death and dinos but it woyud be kind of confusing for a younger audience to undertsand some stuff in this show.

-I really liked Daniels kon death, maybe it wasn't necesarry but im all in for that dark death scene.

-Lastly the comment Sammy makes when Ben asks how bumpy got pregnant, and the yazs smirk. Gurl i was suprised they added that but i loved it

Now, the things that i didint like and why:

- First of all, Darius being in love with brooklynn. I mean i get it but i also dont get it. In my opinion, there shouldn't have been a different reason as to why Darius was the most effected by her death. They were close and she died. Its okay to be really effected by someones death and not bc u liked them, and i also do believe that the reason for him not showing up the night she "died" should have been smth more serious. Then again i get it bc now he felt a lot more guilt bc it was for a not so important reason he didint show up and thats why he didint tell anyone. Well axtually it isnt that bad, but i just felt it was forced for the plot. This again could be bc i started to like kenlynn and now they turned the tables completly but sure.

-Brooklynns voice actor. I just couldn't connect her to brooklynn? She sounded a lot different, not a major bad thing it was just hard to get used to.

-Ben having a gf, or supposedly having one, u telling me this man has a gf:

I thought it funny but yk that man is a homosexual

- and lastly, Brooklynn being alive. This might sound bad but it made sense for her to die. And i was kinda lamed out that she wasnt dead. (Pls ironically enough, just weeks ago i begged for her to be alive.) But like the way everyone suffered bc of her death, going throught the 5 stages of grief, and the way the show was played. It just would have been better if she died, all those flashbacks, the emotional moments, i mean its not gonna be the same when i rewatch it bc i know shes alive. Anyways enough abt this.

Actually i have nothing more to add to my "bad stuff" list but i might come up with smth later. Bc i will be rewatchibg it obviously. Ig lastly i just wanted more episodes how dare they cutting the season of right there.

[endereies]

theres are party the couple go to, and chris gets a wee bit drunk

Whenever Chris is drunk, he forgets any of the rules he sets for himself and becomes way more loose. He goes from absolutely no PDA to occasionally finding himself looped around your arm, clinging by your side.

He's definitely a lightweight since he's so new to drinking and it can literally be the result of one drink that changes his personality.

One of Chris’s friends had invited him out to a party. You never cared what he did, the parties were frequent, and he always attended any he could. One thing that he rarely did was drink. Having freshly turned 21, he deterred from it. He had spent the last years of his life easily saying no to people around him. Yet now that he was allowed? It was slightly different.

-

With your legs crossed, you laid on your bed, an old show flashing on your laptop. After a day full of dance rehearsals all you wanted was to unwind. That was until your phone buzzed. You felt the vibrations through the mattress and looked over to see Chris’s name on the screen.

Chris wasn’t one to call people, not even you, unless he had to for his music. Your eyes narrowed as curiosity grew in your stomach.

“Hello?” Instantly, you’re met with the faint chatter and rap music you expected. But the way his voice screeched down the line wasn’t.

“Baby! Yo this party is lit.” A drunken giggle echoes over the phone.

The phone slipped between your cheek and shoulder, adjusting your body so that your legs hung off the edge of the bed. Grabbing the phone to place him on speaker you quickly responded.

“You know calling you while you’re drunk as fuck wasn’t on my schedule tonight, doubt it was on yours.” You teased.

“Can’t I call m’girl?” You tried not to smile at the nickname, just humming in response.

You could hear him take the phone away from himself before yelling at his friends, clearly protesting. Your lips form a tight-lipped smile as you hear your name being tossed around conversation. Then it’s followed by muffled sounds and a new voice.

“If you could get your fucking man, that would be great. He’s floored y/n. All of us are way too drunk to drive.” The voice stood out to you from the many times you’d entered Chris’s studio, his manager.

“Louis? What do y’mean.” Chris hadn’t ever been so drunk that you’ve had to pick him up. Uber was his go to, claiming his independence nonchalantly.

“Said what I said, kid is hammered. If he got in another car I think that guy would pass out. Unfortunately for you, I trust you with that idiot.” A sigh passed through the phone and you rolled your eyes at his comments.

“Just look after him until I’m there, send me the location.” With no room to argue, you hung up and wiped your face. Maybe relaxation after dance wasn’t a thing to you anymore. You shut your laptop, the show going mute suddenly.

The car lights blinked as you pushed on the keys. A message pinged on your phone which you instantly knew was the location, so you pulled it up. It was a posher house than what you were used to, and it stood in the centre of town. Nothing you weren’t used to.

You hadn’t even stood both your feet steadily on the gravel before you were tackled onto your seat again by Chris. His arms wrapped snug around your waist so easily and the unexpected gesture had you in shock as you patted his back. This just confused you.. Affection, especially PDA, was never encouraged by one another. It just caught you off guard.

“Hey? How much have you drunk exactly?” The same voice from before spoke from behind Chris whose arms hugged you tighter.

“He had a beer or two, then got roped into shots. Safe to say he’s gonna regret all of it tomorrow.” His manager had his arms crossed, staring at the pair in front of him.

“Shut up” He mumbled softly by your ear; you weren’t sure who he was talking to, but you responded none the less.

“Alright kid, let’s get you moving.” The change in behaviour has been completely different to what you were used to. He had snaked his body around yours and stayed there for longer he’s ever done before.

“I’ll let you handle all…this”  Louis’ hands circled you two, grimacing at the sight of Chris.

Begrudgingly, you scoffed at the situation. Acting like this was nothing you’d seen Chris do and you weren’t sure if you were intimidated of flattered. You knew normally that Chris hated any physical touch unless it was during sex. As much as you also wanted to tease him, he wasn’t in his right mind. You tapped his chest and pushed him back, the cool air between you both again.

You ignore any protests of his and almost claw his wrist as you drag him to the passenger seat. He seemed competent to do things himself, so you just shut the door and waltzed to the driver’s side.

You’ve never witnessed him so out of it. You closed your mouth, not sure how to go about this anomaly. Are you annoyed at him? Only for interrupting your night.

“Hey Chris?” Your voice was coaxed in faux sweetness, your eyes on the road as you pull out the parking spot.

“What?”

“You fuckin’ get drunk off your ass again, m’not doing this shit ‘gain.” You deadpan and shake your head. You don’t look at him once, your eyes fluttering between street signs.

“Oh. And if you throw up in my car, I don’t care how long it takes, you're cleaning,”

He just giggles beside you, his hand between your knees, tracing small circles. “Yes ma’am”

“Chris? Never call me that again.”

© ENDEREIES 2024

@melliflws @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @bueckers @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @jnkvivi @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @shorthairchris @colorthecosmos444 @anabethinking @zay-sturns @anyaa2s @emilyfaith2003 @zariyam @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut

[cashmere-caveman]

i love nina beinghuman so much and i wish she was in a better show w a love interest that is less of a clown bc hello. imagine u are a nurse and theres these two weirdos at ur job who everyone low key suspects are banging bc they live together and they applied to their positions together and theres a rumour that they both used to squat in the abandoned hospital wing thats down for renovations together

and one of them is like a grade a sleazy fuckboy whos v pretty and knows it but also his job is literally mopping up puke so ur pretty immune to any and all coolness he exudes bc u have seen this man scrubbing human excrement from the floors but sometimes u both go take a smoke break at the same time and he can be kind of funny when he wants so like even though hes not ur type u Get It u guess

and the other one is well. at first u think he is the one riding the coattails of his hot friend bc he is absolutely hopeless and has negative charisma somehow despite looking kind of cute and being a bumbling hopeless fool but he constantly puts his foot in his mouth and seems like kind of an ass, actually? but then u get to know him better and turns out that no the hot friend is riding His cottails bc clearly this man is employed wayyy under his skill level bc that man is absolutely sharp and intelligent and yet he is a fucking hospital porter for reasons ur not sure u want to really know, actually, but also like? that man's ass? 👀 awooga

so when the hot guy hits on u on ur next shared smokebreak on the awkward guy's behalf and sets u up for a date ur like okay. maybe i will give that man a chance maybe i was hasty in my judgements and he IS cute so like what have i got to lose here

and then u and the awkward guy get together but also the Vibes u get from him and his bestie never really stop but he says its not like that and he loves u and he knows u and he still! he still wants u after having seen u, all the parts of u that u are scared to share so this is good! this could be something really good for once in ur life u get to have this one good thing and its this man and you are happy

and then all of that somehow leads to ur sweet and clumsy boyfriend transforming into a fucking monster right in front of ur eyes and killing a man by Ripping Him To Shreds like thats a thing people do that he could do the whole time and then he infects u and ur life is over it is fucking over and except maybe its not? but yeah no these new people dont want to help u they just want to kill you and the secret third flatmate ur ex boyfriend and hot guy who apparently is a reformed mass murderer had is even deader than before and stuck in hell and its ur fault

and u try to fix it and then theres more people dead and everything sucks and ur hiding and you have to leave everything and everyone u knew behind to start a new life in wales but at least u get the roommate back and u and ur boyfriend are back together and ur pregnant! and maybe now finally u get to be a happy family for real!

but u still live w the roommates who are now also in love ? you think? she is in love in any case but ur not entirely sure abt the guy bc he has been off ever since the move and theres awful stuff on the news about this massacre and it starts to feel Not Good and he is getting erratic and also the guy ur boyfriend killed a while ago somehow got resurrected but lost his mind in the process so as a good person u decided to keep him in ur attic and treat him like ur weird uncle bc u feel responsible for this, somehow and then things start adding up and ur suspicions become more and more firm until u are sure that ur boyfriends pet ex mass murderer is in fact a pet CURRENT mass murderer and your boyfriend KNEW and he did absolutely NOTHING but at least that man is gone now. so many people are dead but at least hes gone

and then one evening it knocks on the door and hes back. hot guy is back and he is here bc he regrets everything and wants to die and u agree he Should die he is a horrible person he broke ur flamate/friends heart and made ur boyfriend complicit in one of the most horrendous crimes in recent history and also he just fucking sucks bc without him none of this would have ever happened and then he asks ur boyfriend to stab him bc he doesnt want to commit suicide by himself like the spineless creature he is and ur boyfriend agrees and u start to wonder if maybe those coworkers at the hospital years ago who spread the rumour that these two were in love were right all along and that ur boyfriend was never just ur boyfriend alone

[loving-n0t-heyting]

Hello loving not heyting do you have any recommendations on learning about anti-psych position/movement? For someone who really wants to understand the position does anti-psych also go in fields such as psychology and psychoanalysis? Does it propose reforms or abolition?

i have not read much anti psych "theory" tbh, and when ive tried reading any of it it often comes across with the same pitfalls common to a lot of leftist "theory" anyway: high on abstract speculation about the social role of psychiatry, low on concrete details; keen on pinning all our hopes on the abolition of capitalism or the state in such a way as to demoralise rather than inspire. i have looked a bit into more focused activist organisations like akathisia alliance that have been helpful. i also found, way back and diffusely in a way hard to either clearly recall or recommend central cases of, some autism self advocacy work that helped set me on a saner path generally; lydia xz brown, mel baggs, other internet activist microcelebs. there was more wheat with them i think than "mad liberation" and "anti psych" stuff generally (common autist w) but also still a fair amount of chaff. he is definitely NOT antipsych, but scott alexander had some helpfully sober assessments of the efficacy and drawbacks of ssris in particular (tho this example feeds into the next genre)

more illuminating than anything to me has been reading from "the enemy:" actual literature by psychiatrists and their partisans. actually looking thru the existing medical literature on antipsychotics (efficacy, side effects, etc), in particular, did more to radicalise me on the topic than any antipsych propaganda. partly in terms of laying out the problems with the medications, partly by exposing how fundamentally unrigorous a lot of this research is. (i remember once looking into a taxonomy of extrapyramidal conditions, then into i think parkinsonism in particular, and seeing the list of symptoms include... "extrapyramidal symptoms".) i used to binge read the neurodivergence-unfriendly spectrum news and you could just regularly see them report the stupidest or most degrading bullshit without an ounce of incredulity, like this piece which makes me almost too angry to articulate the retardation involved (moral luck is an open philosophical problem, not a settled fact about "theory of mind") or this piece hailing the coercive implantation of mind control chips in an adult womans brain in order to curb her excessive hand washing. academic research on the subject inspires in me similar sentiments. the dsm itself, current and past editions, can be an extremely instructive read. i could go on, theres a lot to look into here

i get the impression that ppl styling themselves as anti psych or psych critical tend to go soft on a lot of more "analytic" (freudian) approaches; here are two examples of this brand of shameful dereliction of reason. which is the opposite of helpful to me bc i was made to see freudians from ages 4 to 25, and coming to grips with the truly rank pseudoscience of freudian theory was an important step in my self devt

sorry this answer is sort of all over the place. my feelings about the psychiatric system were not really forged by reading a couple of big thought provoking books, sadly

[radioroxx]

hi pluto i’m here to ask if u have any isat headcanons. about anybody! hope u have a good sunday :))

HAPPY SUNDAY VIA can i call you via. hello

ive mentioned my tattoo hcs before but im gonna expand on them as best i can rn because i think about it occasionally (i am making a lot of this up. right now! for you!)

ok so odile has a lower back tattoo she got in her 20s and i feel very strongly about this one 1. because i think its funny 2. because it makes her 10x cooler. the other day in my moots disc we talked about the idea of odile having a past polycule that she broke off from and so ive adopted that idea and decided the tattoo is a matching one. she does not regret it at all and is still (somewhat) in touch with her ex’s. siffrin was the first person she told about this, drunkenly btw, and for months afterwards he couldnt remember if it was Actually Real or just something his brain made up (and they were too scared to ask lol)

siffrin has star tattoos on his back and shoulders! i was considering giving him sleeves but i changed my mind,, he got them while he was still travelling on his own. possibly theres a region that is more well known for tattooing (havent decided what this would be though)! he was interested from a ‘learning about new culture’ perspective, also just because Why Not. he chose to get stars because it felt right. he somewhat regrets it. (maybe, post canon and later on their journey, he would try out something else. different designs. things inspired by his family! or things he wants to remember)

isabeau has no tattoos. not from not wanting them, but from just never really having the interest. UNTIL travelling with the party. until staying up late with sif in their shared tent and finding out that, on his travels, he learned how to (very basically) give people tattoos. and begs him for one. its like 2am and neither of them are thinking clearly so they agree. they ‘borrow’ odiles ink pot she uses for writing, a sewing needle that isa happens to have on hand, aaaand it. goes very poorly. as youd imagine. he is lucky to have the long sleeves to cover it up. whatever design theyd been going for was absolutely not achieved. but! he cherishes the memories regardless. (incredibly, they would try this twice. the second time would be after bonnie joined the crew, who would catch them awake, beg siffrin for a tattoo of their own, be told ‘no’, but would still be allowed to watch as long as they PROMISE not to tattle to madame and mira in the morning. bonnie absolutely tattles).

mira! does not seem like a tattoo person to me. i think she would be intimidated by the idea- partially in relation to the change belief, partially because she wouldnt know what to get. i like to think tattoos are probably pretty controversial to the religion… some people think they are a very powerful form of change! something you cant take back. others disagree for the same reason, that its permanent. so pre canon no tattoos for her. but!! but! as i mentioned before with siffrin getting tattoos for his family, i think mira might consider something as well (confidence boosted by the fact that the others will be matching). other than that though, it just doesnt appeal to her much.

bonnie has no tattoos also aaand it will stay that way for. a little bit. this is something that upsets them greatly because i also like to believe that nille has PLENTY of tattoos! possibly some she even got when she was much much younger! irresponsibly, of course, and many of them are regrettable. so she steers bonnie away from making that same mistake too young (tries to encourage them to wait until they are 18 at least). maybe bambouche as a whole is a very tattoo-supportive town, which is where bonnie got their interest. this does not stop them from making little paintings up their arms and having the others help out as well, to make up for it, in a non-permanent way.

i havent actually designed what any of their tattoos would look like… thats gotta be something i sit down to think about,,, one day maybe ehe

[kikiswriting7]

Take a Chance ✵ JJK ✵ MYG - 5

✵ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader x Jungkook

✵Summary: Y/N just move across the world to start her University. She is paired with a roommate who is complete social butterfly and makes a bet, Y/N needs to take more chances. And at the hint of her new found friend, her social and romantic life take a dramatic turn.

✵Tags/Warnings: Smut, College AU, red flag, sexual tension. angst, dirty talking, drinking, friends with benefits, full of cliches, friends to lover, temptation

✵Notes: Hello! Now that I somewhat have a vacation time and I could not stop thinking about this, my fingers slipped so here goes another chaper! And if you want to be added to the tag list and be notified when theres a new chapter please sign up on this link!

lots of love, Kiki

CHAPTER 5 - Guiding lights and shadows

The week was a relentless sprint, each day bleeding into the next in a haze of exhaustion.With finals approaching, it feels like every teacher is piling on extra work, making the days even more grueling. The highlights are lunch with the boys and the lingering memory of that kiss, which I am trying not to overanalyze. My heart is skipping a beat each time Yoongi’s name is appearing on my phone with a new message about a show or something he’s done. The conversation is always light and definitely far off from the moment we shared the previous weekend. So when he texts today asking if I want to join him in the city center to shop for headphones, I can’t resist. The stores are staying open later than usual, which works perfectly—I just need my finance teacher to let us out on time.

As the clock is ticking toward the end of the period, I am finding myself glancing at it repeatedly, willing it to move faster. When the bell finally rings, I am quickly gathering my things and rushing out, excitement bubbling inside me.

Yoongi is saying he doesn’t want anything serious. He has put the brakes on whatever we have, and I don’t understand why I am still hung up on him, other than the fact that he is clearly my type. When I arrive at the city center station, I spot Yoongi leaning against a lamppost, his gaze focused on his phone. He looks up as I approach, a small smile on his lips.

"Hey," I greet, slightly breathless from my hurry.

"Hey," he replies, his eyes lighting up. "Ready to find some headphones?"

"Absolutely," I say, matching his smile.

We are wandering through the busy streets, popping into various electronics stores and comparing different models. Yoongi is in his element, enthusiastically testing out headphones and discussing their pros and cons. I am admiring his passion for even the smallest things.

Eventually, he finds a pair he likes, and we make our way out of the store. The sky has darkened, with city lights casting a warm glow on the streets. We walk side by side, our conversation flowing effortlessly from one topic to another.

"Want to grab a drink?" Yoongi suggests. “We can get a bottle of something and take a walk by the beach?”

"Sure," I agree, glad for the chance to spend more time with him, though slightly concerned about the growing chill. The days have been warmer, but the nights, with the cold sea breeze, are frigid.

We stop by a nearby convenience store before heading back to our neighborhood bus, hoping to reach the beach faster. I can’t help but steal glances at Yoongi. Even in silence, his presence is comforting.

The city noises are fading as we reach the beach, the gentle sound of waves crashing against the sand taking over. We walk to the end of the beach, where a lighthouse stands amidst a stretch of rocks. It isn’t a long distance, but it feels removed from the city’s bustle. We drink from one of the bottles of wine we have bought, and conversation picks up again. Yoongi talks about his week and how he is grateful that his grade is based mainly on projects rather than exams—a luxury I am wishing for.

“I’m definitely a hands-on learner. It’s not my forte to just sit and absorb a subject,” I say as we reach the rocky path at the end of the beach. “So even though I have just started, I can’t wait for it to be over.”

“There’s definitely a strange feeling when you start,” Yoongi agrees. “Being away from home, studying in a different language... you grow up fast.”

His words are resonating with me. “Yeah,” I say softly, gazing out at the dark, rippling sea. “It’s like you’re forced to figure out who you are, but it’s hard to keep up.”

We are quiet for a while, sipping from the bottle of wine and watching the waves. A shiver is running down my spine, snapping me out of my thoughts. The cold is more biting than I’ve realized. I am stuffing my hands into my jacket pockets, desperate for warmth.

“You know, being cold is just a state of mind,” Yoongi says, breaking the silence. I shoot him a skeptical glance while blowing hot air over my hands.

“Yeah, sure. Try living your whole life in a warm country and then talk about cold being a state of mind,” I huff, making him chuckle. He takes my hands in his, warming them with his touch.

The contact is light, but it sends a jolt through me. Yoongi subtly moves closer, focusing on the sea ahead to distract from the growing warmth between us. “It’s strange how much can change in such a short time,” he muses, taking another sip from the wine bottle before handing it to me.

I also drink from it, feeling the warmth spread through me, but it pales compared to the heat between us. “You know, I never thought I’d be here, sitting with you like this,” I admit, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Dice…” he says, his voice barely above a whisper. It is as if everything suddenly crashes into his mind, and he pulls away, leaving me missing his warmth immediately.

I swallow hard, feeling the effects of the wine as my words tumble out. “I’ve never had a relationship before. But I think what’s important is doing things because you want to, not because someone told you to.” I look back at the sparkling city. “I don’t want to date someone who buys me flowers because they feel obligated. I want to live in the moment and enjoy whatever life throws at me.” I shrug, avoiding his gaze. I notice he is nodding slightly and taking a bigger sip from the bottle.

I turn to him to take my turn and realize it is almost empty. Have we drunk that much? I take a sip, feeling his eyes still on me. A smile starts forming on my lips. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but Gabi is right. I just want to roll the dice and see where it lands.”

He chuckles, his gaze lingering on my lips. I find myself unable to look away from the softness of his gaze and the smile playing on his face. The world around us seems to fade, leaving just the two of us in this moment that feels both exhilarating and intensely intimate. My heart is pounding, almost drowning out the distant city sounds and crashing waves.

I try to maintain my composure, but Yoongi’s gaze makes it difficult. Thankfully, the darkness hides my blush. “You know,” I say, my voice wavering slightly, “sometimes it’s easier to talk about things when you’re... a little tipsy.”

Yoongi’s smile widens as he wraps his arm around my shoulder. His touch is warm and comforting against the cold night air. I lean my head on him. “Yeah, I get that,” he says softly. “Sometimes it’s easier to say what you really feel when you’re not overthinking everything.”

We are sharing a moment of silence, just enjoying the closeness, the intimacy of our shared warmth against the cold. I feel like I could stay here forever, lost in this strange, captivating bubble we are creating.

“Dice,” Yoongi says, his voice barely more than a murmur. He tilts his head slightly, his eyes searching mine. “If you really want to roll the dice... what would you want to happen?”

I meet his gaze, and the question is hanging in the air between us. My pulse is quickening as I struggle to find the right words. “I guess,” I start slowly, “I’d want to take chances. Live in the moment.” I frown. Who would say that I would be thinking like that.

“What is it?” he asks, confusion laced in his expression.

“If you tell Gabi that I said that, I will have to kill you.” I chuckle.

Yoongi’s eyes widen in surprise, but he can’t hide the amused smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “Oh, so it’s that kind of secret?” he teases, his tone light but his gaze still intense.

I laugh softly, shaking my head. “Yeah, definitely. I don’t need her making fun of me for being all... introspective and sentimental. Especially when it makes her right.”

Yoongi chuckles, and his laughter seems to dissolve the last remnants of tension between us. “I promise, your secret is safe with me. I wouldn’t dare spill it, especially not to Gabi.”

He leans back slightly, but his hand remains gently clasping mine. The touch is both grounding and electrifying. “So, you want to take chances and live in the moment,” he says more as a statement than a question, his voice softening.

I look down at our entwined fingers, feeling the warmth from his touch seeping into me. The silence is comforting, filled only with the gentle sounds of the waves and the distant hum of the city. Yoongi’s thumb is tracing small, soothing circles on the back of my hand, and I find myself leaning in slightly, drawn to the intimacy between us.

“Do you want to know something?” he asks suddenly, his eyes locking onto mine with a mix of vulnerability and determination.

I nod, my heart pounding in my chest. “Yeah, tell me.”

Yoongi takes a deep breath, his expression serious but soft. “I don’t want to overthink things either. I’ve been trying to figure out what I want, but... being here with you, right now, it feels right. And I think maybe that’s enough for now.”

The sincerity in his voice makes my breath catch, and I can see the same longing mirrored in his eyes. The distance between us feels like it is shrinking with every passing second. I take a small, deliberate breath, feeling the weight of his words and the promise they hold.

Yoongi’s gaze remains fixed on mine, and I see his eyes soften with a mix of relief and affection. He leans in, his face close enough that I can feel his warm breath against my skin. The world seems to slow down, the only sounds the gentle rush of the waves and our quickened breaths.

Yoongi’s face is inches from mine, his warm breath mingling with the cool night air. Our eyes lock, and in that shared gaze, I can see a mix of hope and vulnerability. His lips are soft and inviting, and as he leans in, I feel a flutter of anticipation.

When our lips finally meet, the kiss is gentle and exploratory. There is no rush or intensity—just a tender connection that speaks volumes in its simplicity. I can taste the faint, tangy flavor of the cheap wine on his lips.

Yoongi’s lips are warm against mine, moving with a soft, deliberate rhythm. He doesn’t press too hard or deepen the kiss, instead keeping it light and delicate. His kiss is like a whisper, full of unspoken promises and gentle affection. I can feel the slight, hesitant brush of his lips, a caress rather than a demand.

The sensation is comforting, almost comforting in its tenderness. His hand, still holding mine, is providing a reassuring warmth that makes the kiss feel even more intimate. The touch of his fingers against my skin is gentle, almost as if he is afraid of breaking the spell of the moment.

When we finally pull away, our foreheads are resting together, and I can see the soft smile playing on Yoongi’s lips.

Yoongi’s arms are wrapping around me, drawing me into a close, comforting embrace. We stay like that for a while, our bodies pressed together, with the city lights twinkling in the distance and the cool sea breeze gently brushing against our faces. The night feels suspended in time, a quiet and intimate pause amidst the chaos of our lives.

His warmth is seeping through my jacket, and the gentle rise and fall of his chest is a soothing rhythm against mine. We sit in silence, simply existing together in the stillness, the soft rustling of the sea and the distant hum of the city our only companions.

The kiss lingers between us, a tender moment. It is soft, fleeting—a brief spark that doesn’t demand anything more than what it is.

Yoongi’s gaze remains on the city, his expression contemplative but relaxed. His hand is resting lightly on my back, a casual touch that speaks of comfort rather than commitment. I lean my head against his shoulder, feeling a sense of calm wash over me as we share this peaceful moment.

“Cold isn’t so bad when you’re not alone,” he says softly, breaking the silence with a quiet, reflective tone.

I smile, nodding slightly. “Yeah, it’s not so bad.”

We remain there, side by side, wrapped in each other’s warmth and the tranquility of the night. The city lights continue to shimmer in the distance, a backdrop to our shared silence. It is a moment of connection, open-ended and unspoken, leaving the future uncertain but the present moment perfectly still.

The library is unusually quiet for a Saturday morning. The usual hum of activity is replaced by the soft rustling of pages and the faint tapping of keyboards. Eli, Gabi, and I have claimed our favorite study spot near the windows, the table covered in books, notes, and highlighters. Despite the serene setting, there is a palpable tension in the air, especially around Eli.

Ever since the club night last week, something has shifted. Eli is seeming distracted, her usual bubbly demeanor replaced with a more subdued, thoughtful one. I keep my head down, focusing on my notes, trying to ignore the undercurrent of awkwardness.

 “So, Eli,” Gabi says, breaking the silence. “Any updates on the marketing project?”

Eli snaps out of her thoughts, blinking rapidly. “Oh, um, yeah. I think we’re almost done. Just need to finalize a few things.”

Gabi nods, looking satisfied. “Good to know.” She drops her head on her books. “I’m seriously stressing about this test.”

Eli forces a smile. “Yeah, me too.”

The exchange is polite but strained. I can feel Gabi’s curious eyes darting between us, sensing the awkwardness but not pushing for answers, even though we probably knew the answer to it. Yoongi. I also definitely needed to keep quiet as I have also been keeping things from my friends.

Just as the silence threatens to swallow us again, Jungkook and Taehyung arrive, their presence like a breath of fresh air. Jungkook’s warm smile and Taehyung’s energetic demeanor instantly lighten the mood.

“Hey, everyone,” Jungkook greets, pulling up a chair beside me and resting his arm on the back of it. “Hope we’re not interrupting.” He offers the brightest smile that doesn’t fail to bring up the mood.

“Not at all,” Gabi replies, her eyes lighting up. “We could use the company.”

Taehyung plops down next to Eli, grinning. “So, what are we studying today?”

“Marketing,” Eli answers, her smile returning a little. “Big test and deadline coming up.”

“Fun,” Taehyung says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Good thing I’m here for moral support.”

As we settle into our study session, the atmosphere gradually becomes more relaxed. Jungkook and Taehyung’s playful banter helps ease some of the tension, and even Eli seems to loosen up a bit. However, my phone buzzes incessantly, a series of messages from Jimin lighting up the screen.

Jimin: "Hey, what are you up to?"

Jimin: "Studying again? On a Saturday?"

Jimin: "C'mon, let's do something fun!"

I sigh and quickly type a response.

Me: "I really need to study, Jimin. Maybe later?"

But Jimin, being Jimin, was relentless.

Jimin: "Pleeeeease? I'm bored out of my mind."

I try to ignore the messages and focus on my notes, but my phone buzzes again.

Jimin: "Fine, if you're going to ignore me, I'm just going to complain in the group chat"

A few seconds later, the group chat litghts up with Jimin's messages.

Jimin: "Why are all my friends so boring? It's Saturday! Someone come save me from this boredom!"

Gabi snorts, reading the messages over her own phone. "Sounds like Jimin's having a meltdown."

I roll my eyes, a small smile playing on my lips. "He's just being dramatic."

"Isn't he always?" Jungkook says, a hint of amusement in his voice.

As we continue studying, the group chat buzzes with more messages, most of them teasing Jimin for his dramatics. Even Jungkook and Taehyung join in.

Taehyung: "Jimin, maybe you should try studying. It's very stimulating."

Jungkook: "Or you could come help us. Plenty of fun to go around here."

Yoongi: “Don’t you have a test to study for?”

Jimin: "Ugh, you guys are the worst."

I chuckle at the exchange. It was comforting to have these people around. I am deep down glad of the friend group we formed. I don’t know how I would’ve survived so far without them. 

Eli catches my eye and gives me a small, appreciative smile, as if to say thanks for not pressing her about her unease. I return the smile, but feeling the heaviest feeling in my gut from also holding stuff from her.

After Jungkook and Taehyung joined us, I notice Eli glancing at her phone more frequently, her fingers twitching as if she was expecting a message. Each time it buzzed, she looked both hopeful and anxious, her eyes darting quickly to the screen and then away.

"Everything okay, Eli?" Taehyung asks gently, clearly clueless about all the slightly akward day we had so far. 

She nods quickly, too quickly. "Yeah, just... family stuff."

He nods back, not entirely convinced but clearly willing to let it go for now. 

Throughout the afternoon, I can’t shake the feeling that something is off. Yoongi's absence is unusual. He was usually a steady presence, especially during our study sessions. Even though quiet and burried in his computer. During the week he acted like nothing had happened after he dropped us off at the apartment. But I guess last night might have drawn him away.

As we take a break, Taehyung stretched and glanced at me. "By the way, have you heard from Yoongi today?"

I shake my head. "No, I haven't. It's weird that he's not here."

Taehyung leans back in his chair, crossing his arms and shruggs. "Maybe he needed some time alone. You know how he can be."

Eli's face tightens at the mention of Yoongi, and she quickly looks down at her notes, pretending to be absorbed in her work. The look on Gabi’s face came and went like lightning. She also saw how she reacted. And the quick glance we shared afterwords was enough to tell me we were going to be talking about this later. 

"Yeah, maybe," I say, giving Taehyung a small smile. "He does like his alone time."

As the afternoon wore on, the group started to leave one by one. Leaving me alone with Jungkook at the library. He claims that he knows the subject by heart and that he already finished his part for the group project of the class. He was lucky. Unfortunetly the girl who decided to team up with me convinced me she was hardworking and that we would be done with it in no time. All lies as she would never show up to any of the meetings I tried to set up with her about this damn project.  “I can help you if you want.” Jungkook says looking up from his phone. “I hear the wheels turning inside your head from here” I quickly throw him an annoyed look. “I just feel so overwhelmed. How am I supposed to present this with someone who didn’t even write a single word” 

“Well she did write like 3 paragraphs?” He tries to comfort, but it doesn’t work.

“Yeah, that I had to re-write because it didn’t make any sense.” I can feel my shoulders drop as the realization that it will be my first failed report in school. Great.  Jungkook reaches over and gently pats my shoulder. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. You're smart, and you'll figure it out. Maybe we can brainstorm some ideas together?"

I sighed, appreciating his constant attempts to lift my spirits. "Thanks, JK. I might take you up on that."

The library is starting to empty out, the quiet atmosphere becoming almost too peaceful. I glance at the clock, noting that we still had a few hours before closing time. I decided to take a short break and walk over to the vending machine to get a snack. Jungkook follows, his presence comforting in the silence.

As I feed coins into the machine, Jungkook leans against the wall, his eyes fixed on me. "So, what's really bothering you? I mean, besides the project and Eli."

I hesitate, not sure if I was ready to unload everything that had been on my mind. But Jungkook's earnest expression convinced me to open up, at least a little.

"It's just... everything feels off lately," I admitt. "Eli's been acting weird, because… well, you probably know why.” I have to bite my own tongue for not spilling out that Yoongi and I made out. Not once, but twice now. ”And this project is stressing me out. I feel like I'm drowning in everything."

Jungkook nods thoughtfully. "Yeah, I noticed Eli's been on edge... But you don't have to carry all this by yourself, you know? We're all here to help."

I give him a grateful smile, feeling a bit lighter. "Thanks. It helps to hear that."

We returnto our table, and I resume my work with Jungkook's support. His presence made it easier to focus, and I manage to make some progress on the project. We bounce ideas off each other, and I start to feel more confident about the upcoming presentation.

Just as I was starting to feel a bit better, my phone buzzes again. It was Jimin, of course.

Jimin: "Im still broed. Seriousljy, can't you come hangt out with mwe?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. He clearly had already his share of drinks tonight by the looks of it. "Jimin really doesn't know when to stop, does he?" I show the phone to Jk who is peeking above my shoulder.

Jungkook laughs. "Nope, but that's part of his charm. Maybe we can do something fun later, after you've finished studying."

"Maybe," I say, glancing at the time again. "I just need to wrap this up first."

As we continue working, I can’t help but think about Yoongi. His absence was gnawing at me, and I wondered what could have driven him away. Eli's reaction to his name had been telling, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions. I decide to check my phone once more and noticed that Yoongi had been active in the group chat earlier, but hadn't sent any messages since. 

The evening progresses, and the library starts to fill with the low hum of closing announcements and the gradual packing up of students. By the time we wrap up, I feel much better about the project, thanks in no small part to Jungkook’s help.

“Ready to head out?" he asks, slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

"Yeah," I said, feeling a mix of relief and lingering stress. "Thanks for staying with me."

"Anytime," he replied with a warm smile. "And remember, you're not alone. We can figure all this out together."

We exit the library doors, blinking in the sudden twilight. The air is crisp, carrying the scent of the faint tang of the approaching sea. Jungkook stretched beside me, his phone clutched in his hand.

"Well, that was productive," he says, more to himself than to me. "Hopefully, your teammate will magically appear before the presentation."

I offer a weak smile. "Yeah, hopefully."

Suddenly, my phone rings in my pocket. My heart leapes – maybe it was Yoongi, finally reaching out. I pull it out, a smile faltering as I see the name on the screen: Gabi. I glance at Jungkook, who was still stretching and checking his phone. I pick up the phone with a soft smile on my lips. Jimin must have gotten into her head about going out and now its her turn to bother me. 

“Hey thank God you picked up,” her voice is shaky at the other end of the line “I need your help. Jimin’s hurt. Can you come over right now? I’m worried.” “What do you mean?” I ask her,  frowning.  Jungkook notices my sudden change in demeanor. “Everything okay?”

My eyes lock with Jungkooks as he is quick to drop the attention from this own phone. 

My breath catches. Something happened to Jimin? He had texted me not long ago about going to hang out with him. I feel a rush of panic and concern. “We came to this new bar and Jimin got into a fight. Hes not looking too good. I’ll send you our location.” She rushes and before I get the chance to reply she hangs up.

“I—Gabi says Jimin’s hurt,” I say, my voice tight with anxiety. “We have to go.”

Jungkook’s expression shifts to concern. “Do you know where they are?”

I agree quickly, looking at the directions to the bar. “Yes, she just sent me their location.”

We hurry through the darkening streets, each step heavy with worry. I try calling Gabi, but her phone went straight to voicemail. As we approache the place, the music throbbed through the night and silhouettes move on the sidewalk. My eyes scan the area, landing on two figures – one slumped against the wall, the other pacing impatiently. Relief washes over me momentarily, but then I see Jimin.

He is sprawled on the sidewalk, his hair disheveled and his clothes askew. A grimace contorted his face, clutching his stomach with a groan. Gabi hovered beside him, her face pale and streaked with tears.

"He… he got beat up," Gabi stammers, her voice cracking. "I don't know what happened!"

Jungkook kneels beside Jimin, his brow furrowed as he assesses the situation. Thankfully, there was barely any blood, but Jimin definitely looked worse for wear.

"What the hell happened?" Jungkook asks, his voice laced with concern.

"I don't know," Gabi sniffles. "We were just leaving the bar when these guys started shoving him around. They kept calling him names…" Her voice trailes off, tears welling up again.

Jimin winces as he tried to sit up. "Ugh, my head…" he mumbled, his voice slurred, as he sat back down.

I kneel beside Gabi, my own worry bubbling up. "Are you okay, Gabi?"

She shakes her head, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "I'm scared. What if they come back?"

Just then, a group of three young men emerge from the bar, their faces flushed and their voices loud. They spott us and start swaggering over, a menacing glint in their eyes.

"Hey! Looks like the little party's still going on," one of them sneers, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Leave us alone," Gabi says, her voice trembling.

The leader of the group scoffs. "Not until we settle the score with your little boyfriend here."

Jungkook stands up, his jaw set in a hard line. He was a big guy, but you could barely notice underneath the jacket he wore. But he radiates a quiet intensity that made me feel a flicker of hope.

"We don't want any trouble," he says calmly, though his voice holds a steely edge. "Just let us go."

The leader barks out a laugh. "Trouble? You started the trouble when your friend got mouthy with us."

The situation was escalating quickly, and I know we were outnumbered. My mind races, searching for a way out.

The tension in the air is palpable, and the group's hostile approach sent a shiver down my spine. I glance at Jungkook, who was visibly bracing himself for a confrontation. My mind desperate to find a way to defuse the situation before it got any worse.

Jungkook steps in front of Jimin protectively, his posture solid and unyielding. “Look, we don’t want any trouble,” he states firmly, though the strain in his voice was evident. “We’re just here to help our friend.”

The leader of the group’s eyes narrow, his gaze shifting between Jungkook and Jimin. “Help, huh? Seems like you’re just trying to play the hero. You should have thought about that before your friend decided to act tough.”

The men behind him shuffle closer, their faces etched with aggressive intent. I could see the situation spiraling out of control, and my heart pounds with fear. I take a deep breath and tried to gather all the courage in me. 

Squaring my shoulders, I rise to my feet, forcing a smile that feels more like a grimace. "Listen, gentlemen," I say, my voice surprisingly steady considering the tremor in my legs. "This is all a big misunderstanding. We're just leaving."

The leader's gaze flicks to Jungkook, who remains a stoic figure beside me. A smirk played on his lips."Misunderstanding, huh? Looks like your little boyfriend here needs a lesson in respect."

My smile falters. Respect? These guys were looking for trouble, and I wasn't about to let them take it out on Jimin. "He didn't do anything wrong," I counter, my voice gaining a touch of defiance. Maybe if I played it tough, they'd back down.

One of the guys snorted. "Yeah, right. Maybe you should teach him some manners yourself, sweetheart."

Their amusement fuel a surge of anger within me. They clearly didn't see the pepper spray nestled discreetly in the side pocket of my backpack. This wasn't a situation that called for playing nice.

With a deep breath, I reach back, my fingers brushing the cool metal canister. They didn't need to see it, just know it was there. "Look," I say, my voice dropping to a low growl. "We're not here to fight. But if you keep pushing, things could get messy. And trust me, you don't want that mess."

The leader's smirk falter for a brief moment, replaced by a flicker of something that might have been apprehension. He glances at his buddies, a silent question hanging in the air.

But then, as quickly as it appeared, the sneer returns. "Empty threats, doll?" he scoffs. "Let's see you back that up."

He takes a menacing step forward, his hand reaching out as if to grab me. It was now or never.

My hand shoots into my backpack, emerging with a hiss. The pepper spray gleams in the dim streetlight, a silent warning.

The leader freezes, his eyes widening in shock. His hand retreats as if burned. The air crackles with a different kind of tension now, thick with fear.

"Maybe you should reconsider," I say, my voice leaving no room for argument. “We’re not here to fight, but if you push it…”

The leader’s smirk falters, replaced by a flicker of hesitation. He glances at his buddies, weighing the situation.

Finally, he gives a dismissive wave. “Whatever. We’re done here. Get your friend out of here and don’t come back.”

The group turns and walk away, their retreating figures dissolving into the night. As the adrenaline begin to fade, I let out a shaky breath, feeling the weight of relief settle in. Jungkook takes away the can from my hand and quickly analyses if I am ok. He softly squeezes my hand in reassurance, before returning to Jimin’s side, helping him to his feet as Gabi wipes her tears away. 

“Lets get him home.” He quickly says while leading the way.  Previous ✧ Next

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Honestly, I am quite excited with this story! Hope you guys are enjoying too! Anyway! Share your thoughts! It honestly makes my day hehe Hope you are liking it so far :)

add yourself to the TAGLIST

[crimson0lake]

BSD: One Time Sanity

Chapter-1: Worse case scenario

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Warning: swears, mentioned blood, mentioned corpses, mentioned ripped limbs, more swears.

A.n: hello, it been a while since I posted something, but I'm thinking to be more active after the second or third chapter's post. I hope you guys enjoy the tale of gravity siblings!

Ao3

Masterlist and rules

BSD: One Time Sanity Masterlist

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The waiting gets longer and longer my minutes, for some reasons the investigation team couldn't get where he was. What was happening was all messed up and absurd at this point! At first the plane which should have been arrived later landed way more early. This valley was too empty, the investigation team couldn't get where he was, and.. that symbol in the plane...

Did someone possibly know about his past? Was that a prank? A trick? Was he falling for another trap again? But who possibly could knew it? It just didn't sound right

Chuuya breaks out of his thoughts when an vehicle coming by start to be audible. 'finally. It took way too long for them to get back here' he thought as he let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. It wasn't the best but it was better than being alone with his thoughts now

Fast forward to ten minutes later, the investigation team had arrived to his destination, some quickly gets out of the vehicle and following where Chuuya told them the plane is while others start to take out their materials and equipments from the van.

Yet it didn't took long enough till two of the investigators, who went where Chuuya described, return with a confused look.

—Chuuya-san, are you sure the description you gave us where the plane is?

One asks with slight nervousness that people get when they are talking to a mafia executive.

—Yes. I'm most certainly sure, that is where that plane is located. Why?

Now he was confused too, why were they asking this to him? They should have been found the plane. It just can't be possibly fall into a hole that just opened and closed!

—Cause.. there's no plane.

Or maybe it can.

—What?!

—Theres no plane there Chuuya-san.

The two investigators look at eachother nervously before the other one continues his colleague started

—There's no plane in sight, Chuuya-san. There isn't even a part of plane, or a single proof that there was one there any near time. The grass wasn't even leaned towards or looked crushed.

Chuuya could only listen to the two men explain the valley. But wait, this whole ass plane just couldn't be possibly vanish to thin air! He saw it with his own eyes, the blood, the corpses. He even checked if the bodies were still alive! He remembered that symbol very clearly like it happened just a second ago.

—That's can't be. There was a plane and corpses just moments ago! Do you guys sure you guys aren't forgetting something? Is this some kind of joke?

The two investigators look at eachother again then to Chuuya before one offered him to see the valley himself.

'okay, I'm going go check this thing myself, and that plane would be there.. right?' he started walking the same path he used to go to the valley, slowly walking towards that same place where that reminder of his nightmare was.

Yet his steps stopped in his tracks, eyes widen with shock and confusion. The plane... It really was gone. No trace, no leaned or crushed grass, no blood or any possible proof that plane actually was there!

—What the fuck... Is happening..?

His mutter to himself didn't last long as he checked his phone again, when he last tried to call investigation team from this valley, his phone couldn't work right and he couldn't make a call.

Yet another answer was right infront of his eyes, his phone was working clearly well and his connection was clear as it never been.

'What the fuck is going on? Is this some kind of prank?!' there shouldn't be anymore explanation to this situation than a prank, right? I mean, a whole big ass plane disappearing in 35 minutes or so, no trace of it left, his phone was working as well as always...

'No, the plane was just here! It was here! It should have been... here... What's going on with this valley?! Is someone playing pranks on me?! That ugly mackerel isn't this cruel to use that nightmare against me!? So what-..'

—What the fuck is going on with me..

______________________________________________________

—Chuuya-san, can you explain what happened there again?

Chuuya was looking calm as always, he opened his mouth, repeating the same words for the second time to his boss. That incident really take a roll on port mafia. Not only they lost many very important documents about port mafia and it's doings, whereabouts, they also lost many important and dangerous weapons was in that plane.

—Yes boss. I get to the destination at the decided time. Yet the plane was already landed. I went to greet our guests and take them to the port mafia base, I knock on the door with the decided code but there was no answer. I repeat the process three times before using my ability to open the door. The seven men in the plane was dead, alongside with the plane crew and pilots. I checked everyone there. There was no vitals. There was so many blood on the walls. The documents were long gone. There was no connection so I had no choice but go back down

Chuuya clench his fist that he is holding with his other hand behind his back as he come to that part

—I go back from the path I used to go there to call the investigation team. It took about 25 minutes for them to come there. It took ten minutes for the first part of the team return. They told me to the disappearance of the plane and how there wasn't even a plane been there to begin with. I went to check it out, and after that is the same as me and others described.

Mori placed his hands back on the reports infront of him with a half serious and half calm look.

—That is certainly a weird scenario. The valley, it does not look there was a plane even slightest. Also investigators reported that they found no blood soaked in dirt or on the grass as well.

Chuuya could only bite inside his cheeks and clench his fist, digging his nails to his palm with the same memories flashing back at him from that moment and his past.

—Hm.. Do you know about the werewolf game, Chuuya-san?

The gravity manipulator looks at his boss with a calm and serious gaze before speaking

—No, I don't, boss.

—Well, this scenario is just a bad replication of that game.

The executive let's out a silent confused sound before he quickly regains his composure.

—In that game of Werewolf that children often play. There would be two werewolfs and a doctor. Others would be villagers and no one would know who is who. The doctor have to keep themselves hidden so werewolfs won't try to kill him. While werewolfs would decide to kill one player each part of the game. The main topic of that game is, strong and well actions can even hide the beasts and murderers, while weak and off guard ones gets framed for their crimes.

Chuuya was still confused to his boss' words, he didn't understand it fully yet he get the idea. After Mori had finished he spoke again, selecting his words way more careful than always.

—So the men who were killed were on villagers. Those who killed them thinking they are werewolves. And trying to get someone framed, and that someone is being me.

—Just like that, Chuuya-san.

Mori smiled again with his that same dark and serious smiles yet there was a power just his smile holds..

He takes some reports and documents from the pile on his desk and places places to side

—I want you to find who is this bold to be port Mafia's enemy and bring them to me, alive and in one piece. You may go now.

Chuuya could only nod and take the reports and documents placed to side of his boss' desk. He bowed down before leaving the office with the documents.

Whoever was messing with mafia had get their hands in the worst case scenario now. They rather be careful or their heads won't be in place soon.

______________________________________________________

—I don't even wanna know how the fuck is our coffee machine is broken... And why the fuck there's a arm in the trash bag?

The younger boy shrug his shoulders as he slowly suck the candy in his mouth

—Dunno? Why is our coffee machine is broken, Hermano?

The older boy rubs his templates before sighing, he was using his last patience with this... Creature.

—First thing first. Don't use random Spanish words in a normal sentence, this is irritating me cause I cannot understand you most of the time. Second, are you going to completely ignore the fact there's an whole ripped apart ARM in our trash bag?!

—Might crawl itself there.

—so you arent technically disagreeing you ripped someone's arm out.

—Im not agreeing either.

—You know what? IM GOING TO KICK YOUR DAMN ASS FOR BREAKING MY COFFEE MACHINE, YOU LITTLE SHI-

There goes the last patience.

[its-no-biggie]

okay i just went back and rewatched all the scenes from this season involving dazai and/or chuuya, now that i know that chuuya was pretending to be a vampire the whole time, because. i was possessed by the soukoku brainrot. anyway 10/10 recommend, knowing what theyre actually up to adds so much flavour

first off. dazais whole "chuuya, wake up. our fate will not end here" monologue is SO funny now. his dramatic ass deliberately planted himself in front of a camera and put on a show for fyodor. no wonder chuuya cut him off partway through lmfao he is SO sick of him. i would also bet that chuuya shooting him in the shoulder wasnt part of the plan (bc lets face it, he fucking would), and thats why dazai yelled and cursed him out- because he genuinely wasnt expecting it. of course it could all be part of the show, but its VERY funny to imagine that chuuya was like "hey i bet i could shoot this bastard right now and play it off like it was part of the act" and then just did it. i hate them so much

theres also the chuuya drowning monologue. now, i think its safe to say that dazai knew how that was gonna shake down, given that he clearly knows chuuyas powers better than fyodor, and he couldve reasonably predicted that fyodor would catch on in time to make an escape plan. which means this one was also completely for the drama of it. however, if you wanna get a little angsty about it, dazai is basically trusting that fyodor will save chuuya here. hes deliberately trying to kill both of them and if fyodor isnt clever enough to escape, he just killed chuuya while chuuya was IN DISGUISE TO HELP HIM and COMPLETELY AWARE OF WHATS HAPPENING. do you think there was any part of dazai that considered that these could be his last words to chuuya? he does seem to be genuinely reflecting on their history, given the flashbacks that play in the background (although that could just be for the viewer, of course, and not a reflection of his actual thoughts) so...... it might not be ENTIRELY for show. but maybe im just saying that bc i want to believe that dazai was being at least a little bit genuine when he straight up admitted- OUT LOUD- that they do actually understand each other and have a genuine connection even though they dont get along. because holy shit

one last thing. when dazai reveals that chuuya stopped the bullet and goes "we used to do this all the time, remember?" ????? hello?????? like i know chuuya has stopped bullets plenty of times. but stopping them RIGHT at someones skull, especially DAZAIS where the gravity manipulation would vanish as soon as it touches him..... how many times have you needed to do that?? and why????? like its just casually so fucking chaotic, i love references to their past like that because it can be easy to forget the kind of shit they got up to. i should rewatch the arc where they first met.......

anyway this has more than made up for the lack of chuuya content. knowing that chuuya was aware the whole time and pretending to be a vampire...... and that dazai knew that and was just putting on a show...... i will be going insane about this forever. theyre literally soulmates theyre desperate to kill each other theyre so fucking dramatic i want to hit them with my car. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[shlubbiehubbie]

uwu rawr this is my lore if you even care <3

so theres this guy. ive known him for over a year and we got along really well from the moment we met. long story short i fell in love with him. and it happened on accident. we were friends and i catch feelings for him but never get confirmation if he did or didnt feel the same.

heres the long story lol. we were really good friends like we both lived on campus so we hung out everyday between work and classes. we texted and called every goddamn day. we always met up when we had time. i remember feeling the desperation in a text he sent quickly followed by a call insisting he had time after a meeting to hang out and have dinner together. we even started a club together JUST TO BE ABLE TO HANG OUT MORE AND IN NICER VENUES!!! we just wanted a club where we could play jackbox games and watch movies and shows together. im telling yall he was so ideal. ive never felt so safe with someone before. i even introduced him to the solar car club at our university so we could be on the media and marketing team together. god we were almost inseparable. and he acted different when it was just us vs us with other people. he was clearly very comfortable with me. he would even tease me! he loved getting a reaction out of me. and we would laugh until our sides were sore or we were dying on the floor. we were such good friends and at some point i caught feelings.

we did so much together in the span of almost 4 months. i was having trouble with school due to the death of my grandfather, loss of my job, and being placed in 3 classes i already took at my community college (i was a transfer student). i was expected to do more than i should and felt punished for not knowing all the right channels to go through to get shit done. i felt so tired of the bullshit i didnt think a degree would be worth it at that specific university. but i didnt want to leave my friend. i had a lot of friends but this one in particular was special. this was my newest best friend who i spend countless hours with. he knew i was making the choice to drop out after that semester. the signs were clear he was going to miss me. he hugged me like it was the last time he was gonna see me. he doesnt like hugging and i can remember that embrace like it happened yesterday. i did not want to leave him. i loved him. so what do i do? i give him a card saying thank you for the memories and go no contact on him for 8 fucking months. i got over the worst depression of my life because i missed him so fucking much AND i felt like a failure for wasting my time and money on a school that clearly didnt care for me. i was going to CAPS almost once a week even when i was a student.

anyway. i get over the depression. i pick myself back up. i make great friends through the smiling friends fandom. i meet someone who sounds and laughs like my friend. what are the fucking chances. i am encouraged by new friends to reach out to my uni friend. i take my time but i finally do it. i reconnect with other friends and they encourage me too to call the friend ive been missing the most. and…he doesnt pick up. i want to cry. i feel like a failure again. but i think “maybe he called back?” HE DID. AND I MISSED IT! ACK! so i call him back. he picks up. we say our hellos and how are yous. i apologize for the radio silence and say i thought he hated me. he says “no no no no no no i dont hate you dont even worry about it.” im in love again. and the gentleness of his tone? are you fucking kidding me? we talk for like an hour and then i finally let him go to finish packing before he moves back in. i see him the day he moves in and i meet his parents for the 2nd time. after that we start hanging out again but a little too often. we set up proper boundaries after i have a mental breakdown bc he is the only one of my friends from last year that actually missed me and wanted to see me again. he said he wanted to see me again.

the last time i saw him was september 8. i was escorted off campus on the 9th and the 11th due to depressive episodes during both incidents (undiagnosed and unmediated at the time). i was institutionalized from the 14th to the 19th. i still havent seen my friend. i am officially banned from campus and i miss my good friend everyday. i wrote poetry about him that i may never share. i love him. i always will. what sucks is so many things remind me of him. i feel sick when i get reminded of him because i cannot physically be near him and i just miss him that fucking much. i’m hopeless. but i do think i will see him again even if it is not soon. its killing me to wait to see him again. fuck my stupid baka life. god i miss that goober!

[sanjidysphoria]

Okay I hate to blow up your ask box but you hit another point that is so interesting to me about Asagiri’s writing which is how he will swing, miss, and somehow still hit something that he wasn’t even swinging at. Mushitaro and Nikolai being much more interesting than Fyodor are both examples of this.

Another that really sticks out to me is how much characters trust Dazai. Like if we’re just looking at the most recent arcs it’s so clear that Atsushi, Ango, and Chuuya deeply trust Dazai, but as an audience member I’m like, why???? I STILL don’t know Dazai. Four seasons worth of content and I do not know this man. Asagiri’s focus was so clearly meant to be that Dazai is incredibly capable, smart, manipulative, whatever, whatever, but honestly the characters who have placed their trust in him (for whatever reasons they have) are the ones being developed because it shows how they relate, think, and emote regarding Dazai. All he’s done is sit there is his cell and bullshit his way Mersault these past couple arcs. Boring. Not impressed Asagiri. Atsushi needing him as a mentor and learning how to use the lessons Dazai has taught him on his own? Great! Ango putting his full trust in Dazai’s abilities in order to stop widespread terrorism? Compelling! Chuuya literally putting his life in Dazai’s hands and vice versa? Hello yeah! But literally none of these things make me like/understand Dazai any more than before and I don’t think that’s what Asagiri was trying to do.

PLEASE do blow up my inbox i love talking about bsd and wasted potential within it.

and you are so correct about dazai. i think we reached that point in the manga, considering that it's been going on since 2012 where it's justified that we want to know more about dazai. to me it feels like (just like the pacing of the manga lately, how it shifts abruptly from one scene to another so you can never fully get the picture (which i dont like either btw, i think theres limits to cliffhangers and asagiri has been seriously abusing that these past few months)) bait tbh. it's like hoho heres this interesting character whom everyone fully trusts and he is also a mastermind. want to understand him better? want his backstory? his childhood? his early days in the mafia? NOPE.

[dizzybevvie]

Hello B!

Do you have any opinions on the character designs within the aphverse?

Example: too many characters have blue eyes, there aren't enough (x) traits, etc etc

OK I WILL GET TO THAT BUT OMG NO ONES EVER CALLED ME B BEFORE ... I LOVE IT

[Keeping this to MYS because thats what I know.]

I mean, I DO think too many characters have blue eyes. Between Dante, Laurance, Garroth, Katelyn, Zane - thats already the majority of the friend group.

I dont mind the blue hair/blue eyes combo, but Dante AND katelyn having it is a bit much 🤷‍♂️ AND they couldve kept Laurances original colour pallet :( I totally get changing the design bc of the skins, but in MYS theres no lore reason for Laur having blue eyes so at least they shouldve been green right??? Im also devastated hes not ginger but alas <\3

I think overtime the girls in the show have less variety, particularly in the hair. No different lengths or anything. I mean, just take Cadenza! She has longass hair in s1 but it eventually gets cut the same length as Kate, KC and Aph. The girl with THE most variety in character design - and probably one of the best designs imo - is Kim, and i literally couldnt tell you a single one of her character traits other than 'possessed'. Her highlights are different and I like her colour pallet.

The guys all look... kinda similar too. But they did well differing them in little ways, like hair partings and such. I do want Laurance's long hair back tho. Jess dont be a coward give us ling hair ginger laurance

I think its very funny that Laurance has ABSOLUTELY NO fashion sense, but i would like clothes to be more consistent! I like Dante's outfit with the button up/button up/shirt combo, even if it was ridiculous it felt in character - although its a shame that after Aarmau was made canon no other character could wear purple or red, because dante looked good in red!! I love Garroth's hawaiian shirt getup and they should bring that vibe back for him for sure.

I dont think there are enough brown eyes im gonna be real brown eyes are beautiful and like. way too many inbred eyes /lh

this isnt so much an issue with character designs because. minecraft. but there arent many different body types. Like, I think Aphmau and Zane are fat, and then Travis has broad shoulders (according to 1 line of dialogue in s1, and hes still buff). and everyone else is just somewhere on the sims4 slider of skinny and strong.

WHERE ARE MY SHORT KINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT EVERY GUY CAN BE 6"02U392U3837 JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE THAT JESS. THERES NO WAY TRAVIS IS TALLER THAN KATELYN THERES NO WAY

It wouldve been neat seeing disabilities other than zane's blindness purely because of limited differentiation in design. Like, going forward into s7 I would love to see Travis keep the wheelchair bc im pretty sure he cant. recover from that. unless they pull some aphmau magic bs

All in all im torn abt Luci because I think its cute for her to be the odd one out (as i said in my If-I-Was-Tasked-With-Rewriting-Mystreet post), but thats clearly not the intention and you kinda forget shes a witch at all. Which would be cool if it was brought up? idk. Her black dress + bow was her best outfit i think. The red eyes and the bright ginger hair is a lot on the eyes and the black is a good combo for that.

TBH, the only Aph outfit I liked was the one from Season 3, but her current skin (non-mystreet) is actually very cute. I like it a lot

People have said this a lot, but one BIG issue i have with the mys designs is the colour pallets. Im a big fan of shows where one character is heavily associated with one colour, and though this doesnt HAVE to be the case for Mystreet, Id like then to be consistent. Kate's colour has always been blue, Travis' colour has always been green, Aph/Aaron Purple/red, Kc pink, zane black/grey, and Garroth is usually blue. but Dante, Laurance, Lucinda, Melissa, etc have had some super inconsistent ones.

One character design that I like across the series is actually KC. Once they know how to pair the pinks and black/white well, they do pretty well with it! Its just a lot of pink and easy to get wrong. but they do well

Travis' also isnt that bad, the outfit of his i really remember was fhe green hoodie and black trousers which felt correct.

To go back to the eye colours, Its fun to see Jess' thought process bc like. almost ALL of her love interests have blue eyes except aaron? idk. food for thought.

In conclusion,