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Meanwhile, back in the 70s, they were celebrating Christmas with a chocolate orange Baked Alaska.... #foodporn #foodie #chocolateorange #christmascooking #food #bakingfun #bakingtime #christmaswiththegrandparents #70sparty

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Me in my Gran’s kitchen

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TIME TO BAKE

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MULLED WINE MINCE PIES

Like a drunk Uncle at Christmas lunch, mince pies aren’t really enjoyed by everyone. Tolerated. They can come across as too in your face   boozy and frankly after enduring them for anther year, no one really wants to see them again for another 12 months. 

I like mince pies myself, and am convinced that it’s Brandy’s fault for making our festive obligation so divisive. So I asked myself, why can’t our mince pies taste like that reliable and dependable cup of festive joy that everyone universally adores, our dear old Aunt mulled wine? 

There weren’t any recipes online, so I did some reading and got into the kitchen and had some fun.  

WHAT YOU NEED TO HAVE 

2 x 12 non-stick muffin tin tray (what are these actually called?) 

1 x Oven preheated at 180 (°C)

1 x Rolling pin / Empty of bottle of wine (this should be readily available if you are doing Christmas right)

Clingfilm

The Mincemeat 

125g Raisins (I found a packet of assorted ones at the Supermarket and they were wonderfully fun)

100g dried cranberries 

1 x Apple (Diced, I didn’t worry to much about the shape, I just matched the size of the other fruit, you can be as anal as you like though -knock yourself out/have yourself a blast.) 

1 x Large Orange (You will need the juice and peel)

1 x Lemon (Juice)

50ml Mulled Wine 

125g dark brown sugar 

150g shredded suit (vegetariain or nato standard)

The Pastry

375g Plain flour (please measure precisely, it really does affect the pastry, especially when you inevitably add extra flour when rolling)

125g Caster sugar 

260g unsalted butter (this needs to be cold and cubed)

1 x egg

1 x Lemon (Zest)

Pinch of salt

(You are free to use a different sweet pastry recipe if you prefer, but I find this one cooks to a shortbread texture which is just fabulous with the jammy mulled-wine centre)

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO WITH IT 

For the Mincemeat

Prep your fruit. Peel and dice your apple, (squeeze the lemon juice over it to prevent oxidisation  as brown apple makes Jesus etc sad. BTW if you are being clever you are using he same lemon for the zest in the pastry, so probably do that before you squeeze all the juices out of it.). Peel your orange (you want 3 pieces of peel with no white bitter pith on it) and juice.

Into a pan, combine��the prepped fruit with the rest of the ingredients and give it a stir (Here I used pre-mulled wine, but you can add your own ratio of cloves, cinnamon and star anise to a nice bottle of red you have nearby)

Heat ingredients on a medium heat, until the mixture begins to steam, ensuring the suet melts and the sugar dissolves.

Take off the heat and allow to cool completely to room temperature (this will set the suet, thickening the mixture but will also mean that the hot mincemeat won't melt the butter in the pastry when you fill the pie cases and ruin everything) 

For the Pastry

Into a bowl, sieve the flour, add the sugar and the lemon zest.

Cube the cold butter then rub in to a sandy texture (be patient, this should take around 10-15 minutes). 

Add the egg and work to a dough to a ball (it will be quiet dry at this stage, avoid adding more liquid as the more you work it the wetter it will become. You can work it on a table to make it easier to form a ball. NB. Rolling the dough will also work it so don't be afraid to refrigerate it before you think it's ready) 

Refrigerate for 20-30 minutes. Cover the pasty in clingfilm to prevent it tasting like gravy or whatever other pungent goods you have in the fridge (Go have a glass of wine or tick off an obligatory festive phone call with a relative)

Roll out dough to 2-3mm (make sure to keep the surface of the table and pastry floured as the dough will become sticky the more your work with it, as the butter softens. You can refrigerate midway through to harden if things go really Pete Tong) 

Cut into circles of two sizes (using twisting action to prevent any misshaping) You can either use biscuit cutters you already own or a tumbler that has a smaller base to rim (use the larger circle for the base of the  mince pie...naturally) And put into your tin

Fill the cases with your cooled mincemeat. Wet the edges with water before you add your pastry tops. (You can seal the edges as you like, fancy or simple, just as long as they are sealed as best as you can. As you can see, again I was quite lazy with mine because I don’t mind too much about food going out of control)

Refrigerate for a further 5 mins. (This will harden the butter again and produce a crisper/straighter pastry case, it’s up to you to do this step, but you’ve come this far...) Brush top with either beaten egg or milk. Sprinkle caster sugar on the top. 

Bake in the oven until golden. Should take 15-20 mins. 

Take out of tray once cooked. Dust with caster sugar while still hot.  

This mixture should make around 16-18 mince pieces. 

Hopefully you won’t be so high on sugar and caffeine (AND LIFE) that your photo/instagram post will be sharp and clear and wonderful (LIKE YOUR PIES).

My recipe produces quite a jammy and fragrant mixture, if you want to go in heavier handed with spices, it can allow for that, but be careful!  

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7essons we learnt from 'What the Health'?

'What the Health' is the most recent 'documentary' by the meat-basher who brought us 'Cowspiricy'. Here are 7 key take aways from the 97 minute onslaught.

1. A 'plant-based' diet will cure ALL illnesses in a mere two weeks. STOP TAKING UR MEDICATION VEGETABLES WILL CURE EVERYTHING.

2. If you stop eating eggs, you can take up smoking. EATING ONE EGG IS THE SAME OF SMOKING A BUNCH OF CIGARETTES (I wonder how many nutrients are in fags)

3. Cows are making us drink their puss. NO NEED TO ELEBORATE OR EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN . THIS IS GROSS.

4. All pig farmers spray their pig's untreated shite over the surrounding population. ONE FARM DID IT = ALL FARMS DO IT ALL THE TIME.

5. Health organisations are being paid off by pharmaceutical companies, who want us dead or dying. THAT'S WHAT THEIR PARTNERSHIPS ME. TRUST ME, I'M AN EXPERT.

6. Stupid questions asked with enough conviction, will win all arguments.

7. Documentaries by Vegans are like their meals; unbalanced, ill-researched and unpopular. GOOD JOB LADS, THIS DIDN'T ANGER ME AT ALL.

DISCLAIMER : NOT BASHING VEGANS HERE. BASHING POOR PRESENTATION OF IMPORTANT ARGUMENTS.

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SHOULD WE BE MORE 2%?

SHOULD THE 98% OF US BE MORE 2% ON A WEEKLY BASIS? DO WE NEED TO EAT MEAT EVERY DAY? 

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It's estimated that around 2% of the UK population is vegetarian, which is more than 1.2 million people. Teenagers make up the highest proportion. Vegans are thought to make up less than 1% of the population

National Diet and Nutrition Survey.

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Followed a @jamieoliver recipe tonight to make this tasty green plate of joy. #cookingram #cookingstudentlife #foodporn. The sauce was made with CABBAGE.

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Let’s start with vegetables!

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Mission Statement

Food can be truly wonderful, it brings people together, fuels a good day’s work and bring us pure uncomplicated pleasure. 

But a lot of food can be absolute bollocks. Fads aimed at our pockets and insecurities rather than our stomachs and tastebuds. Trends promising shortcuts to happiness health and wellbeing, when the reality is guilt and an empty pocket. 

But how can we tell the difference without trying it all? 

This is what I shall do. Ultimately asking; IS IT FOOD OR IS IT A FAD?

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A hello from the author!