sunshineandlavender

[sunshineandlavender]

8,364 miles

when there was too many miles between us-

you spoke to the stars in the most simple words

you asked “is this worth it?”

does your heart ache?

does your throat burn?

can you feel me?

sweltering under the suns heat

waiting - burning

but can you smell the smoke?

[sunshineandlavender]

butterfly soliloquy

my soliloquy must remain unspoken

a single sentence my tear my soul right in half

my soliloquy is dangerous

i might drown in my own words

speaking my truth isn’t an option

for the process is deadly -

I would enjoy the beauty of it all

like the wings of butterflies

but without their dust

paralyzed

[sunshineandlavender]

black jacket corner

a drug dealer

dealing more than what makes your heart

race

and your mother frown

providing the untouchable

a brew of pure love

a concocation of importance

nothing like reality

a magic, magic man

[sunshineandlavender]

my garden

i asked her kindly

to show you the way

a path lit

soaked in moonlight

to a garden

where we shall spend the night

so you can bask in my fire

the pain so intense,

you would finally change your mind

[sunshineandlavender]

cultivated woman

shades of nostalgic brown

the smell of warm, worn leather

fingers grace the spines of every

almanac

novel

story

from before you were allowed to have a presence here

more than a womb

more than a wife

but a perspicacious being

a soul of significance

a woman

[sunshineandlavender]

On Thy Wondrous Works I Will Meditate, Mary Oliver

[sunshineandlavender]

sleep

i suppose sleep is my solace

the light of the moon

dancing over my roof

the craters of it

forming a solemn smile

knowing it has created a

fortress

an asylum

built for those

running from the rays

of a perpetual sun

shielding their fragile nerves

and tense muscles

that break with light

[sunshineandlavender]

feminist

a girl of a different venacular

a native tongue spoken

from the moment of birth

with grit like sand

lips coiling around unspoken words

sowing the seeds

of divine feminity

for all women

for all people

[sunshineandlavender]

blue heat

like drowning

the rise in your throat

the heat in your ears

the hurt of being ignored

a formidable opinion

a cardinal question

becomes overwhelming warm

passion escaped

emotions absent

washed away in blue

as if you were never there

as if you never existed

[sunshineandlavender]

Subtle

I was not made to be subtle

I was made to be strong

to rise with the sun

and do anything

but fall with the moon

for light does not define me

the warmth of bodies

the chill of lonely objects

sex

tests

all I know is

I’m trying my best

[sunshineandlavender]

it’s my fault, not yours

i wish i could blame someone for feeling like this

i wish i could blame a lover

a friend

tell them all the words i wrote

but never would send

the truth is

it’s my fault

making mistakes over and over

regardless of how small

it has ruined me

and i really can’t see

a different way out

[sunshineandlavender]

the framework of you

escape the ridges

the constrictive nature of what we call

bones

the framework of you

shelves that carry

cavernous cries

and the heartiest laughs

ribs

the strength in being a woman

weighted and expansive

to succumb

and bend to create new life

pelvis

to clench and to release

altered perception in every caress

to be gentle or to be fierce

to indicate or to suffocate

metacarpals

impressions among the velvet dirt

arching,

mending to the earth

bounding into life

obeying gravity

infringing the natural sleep of soil

metatarsals

-p.k nielsen

[sunshineandlavender]

citrus smiles

i want to pick lemons

and bask in the sun

because i have become

myself

me

i

someone

no longer tortured

no longer stricken

my clock is no longer ticking

no timer for happiness

no concept of time

only ethereal smiles

and limes

-p.k nielsen

[sunshineandlavender]

my closet

the closet

where the old sweaters hang

where my life is packed away

where the skeletons play

knocking

on the hollow

withering wood

that are my walls

that is my skin

-p.k nielsen

[sunshineandlavender]

contusion

run to the water

the shower

the ocean

the river

to rinse

to cleanse

the dirt

left on my flesh

but the dirt is anything but brown

instead

it’s blue

it’s purple

it’s tender

unnatural

a mark mother nature could never leave

i cannot be naive

i know that only someone so evil

could do something

so hateful

-p.k nielsen

[sunshineandlavender]

cracks

my fingers tingle

my knuckles white

i grasp my hopes

"it'll be alright"

but nothing changes

they start to slip

through the cracks

that aren't newly broken

words fall without a chance of

ever being spoken

my heart breaks with them

every idea is a fallen token

into a wishing well full of

of what could've been

what should've been

of my hopes and dreams

from before i was ever torn at the seams

-p.k nielsen

[sunshineandlavender]

deoxygenated

vested in veins

spreading like spider webs

of blues

of black

they say rumors spread like wildfire

which is only true

because they engulf

homes and hearts

but yellows, red and oranges don’t convey

everything they say

sensitivity is purple

and innocence is white

so nothing will ever be quite

like wildfire

it will be varicose and dark

like veins of reminder

pumping emotion

from your heart to your toes

a constant reminder of every woe

-p.k nielsen