serpentsandsecrecy

[serpentsandsecrecy]

the trashcan by my bed

sometimes its full of candy wrappers and sometimes its full of tissues

[serpentsandsecrecy]

just saw a post that was like "skinny ppl are ways like 'im cold'" and then they and some other ppl we're getting mad that people in the notes were like "me"

literally what the fuck did you expect. for people that relate to your post to not say so??? thats how the fucking site works??? idk it was just weird

so hostile

[serpentsandsecrecy]

so muchmore trivial than what i usually post over here but some people arwe so weird. was playing a roblox lgbtq+ hangout game lastnight (if youve played any of them before you know its bad) and i was having a pretty good time with this circle of people i was adjacent to (pretty much it was the friend of another person there who was a friend of my friend and so on and so forth) and we get to a point where people are just showing up and one of the people in the group is like hey!! thats my bud come sit over here bud and thats all well and good. but its a group of people in the open in a roblox game so of course people will come over and invite themselves which is fine i guess. but there was this guy that came up to us and soeta joined the conversation and he wasnt doin anything wrong but he didnt have any flags on his profile. again theres nothing wrong with that. but he just so happened to enter the circle standing next to this girl. and shes weird. first of all she had a bunch of accessories of flags and stuff which i found kind of pointless and obnoxious but whatever its her identity and her avatar so i didnt say anything. she also talked weird. like she had no concept of subtlety or grace she announced when she didnt like someone who was RIGHT THERE it was just hard to watch. and she made her avatar like really big. i dont mean fat cuz thats fine but like really tall. like why do you need to take up that much space. anyways these two drastically different people are standing next to echother and the lesbian trans girl goes "i dont wanna stand next to a potentially straight guy." and moves. what. what thw fuck is wrong with you 😭 and shes like "its because straight guys always want me to change my mind and force me into roleplay" (she kept talking about the forced rp thing like ok we get it yeah lesbians have it rough WE ALL DO THIS IS A PLACE FOR PEOPLE TO CHILL NOT VENT ABT SEXUAL HARASSMENT THIS IS ROBLOX) anyways we were all like hey man thats kinda mean like you cant put all straight people into a box like that. and she just kinda made excuses but like wtf

1. just because theyre straight doesnt mean they cnt be trans or some other gender (still queer)

2. even if that is a straight white cis man. that person is not worth less, they arent doing anything wrong, and they are not here to personally attack you. just because youre a lesbian doesnt mean you can hate all men because thats a fucking person who hasnt done anything to you thats actually sexism

its fine to be wary i guess thats a normal human response when you are hurt by something you tend to avoid it. but thats a person. thats a human person with an identity and you ARE discriminating against them i hope you know that

[serpentsandsecrecy]

i dont think im very good at this. i think im hurting her but im not really sure how to act. we dont communicate. and the only time i try to communicate is when i set boundaries but i think its too negative???? i dont know

[serpentsandsecrecy]

i feel weird having a vent blog that doesnt link to my main. if someone saw this they would have no idea how much fun i have 60% of the time. they wouldn't know which characters i mass reblog art of. they just see me crying

[serpentsandsecrecy]

why doesnt my brain work :(

[serpentsandsecrecy]

its fine. its good. i did. good. holy hell that hurt so fucking bad

i wanna cry

jesus christ i hated that. i hated that. why. why did i have to do that.

[serpentsandsecrecy]

oh my god

[serpentsandsecrecy]

how to tell if youre a good person no glue no borax

[serpentsandsecrecy]

this is the cringiest blog ive ever had. and thats saying something considering i have a selfship blog and a sfw kink blog

typing out these vent posts makes me feel like an idiot. i feel like an mspaint warrior cat drawing with emo hair set to monster by Halsey

which normally i love. cringe is dead and all. but holy fuck i feel like such an edgelord (negative)

[serpentsandsecrecy]

turn on the tap and listen to the sound of the water and feel the warmth on your hand and feel it slowly getting warmer and warmer and warmer and feel it hurt and feel the thousand little pins and needles on your palm as it gets hotter and hotter and your fingers are pruning and theres steam coming from the sink and dont move your hand dont move your hand dont move your hand dont move your hand dont move your hand dont move your hand dont move your hand until you get scared that someone will catch you or that youll end up hurting yourself permanently and you dont wanna have to go to a doctor the doctors are scary so you have to stop even if you dont want to

[serpentsandsecrecy]

already sent this as an ask to a blog but im putting it here too idgaf

i dont self harm in the "traditional" way. i dont really think i can. i cant cut myself. but ill hit myself or scratch myself or run my hand under scalding water until i get too scared. ill pace and pace and pace or throw things until my entire body hurts and i feel like im about to fall apart like a cheap doll. and it just makes me feel worse. not the sh itself, that actually makes me feel better- but the fact i cant cut. ive always been right down the middle, not normal enough to relate to normal people, but not weird or "damaged" enough to relate to anyone else. looking through the sh tag because i feel like shit and i want some kind of connection or shared experience and its just cutting all the way down and knowing that i cant even hurt myself right. i can never do anything right. i wish i could so bad. i wish i could slice right into my arm. i want to watch the blood roll out. i want the scars. i want proof of the pain. i want the proof that i finally did something right. ..i usually just draw on myself when i think about that. i have a red marker and i draw little lines all over my arm and it makes me feel a little bit better.

[serpentsandsecrecy]

I’ve been doing roleplays on c ai because I have no friends and such, and when it got more.... spicy, some weird gel was found on my underwear. I’m ace but it’s mostly repulsed by irl stuff and now I’m horrified I might be wrong. I still don’t want to do it irl but the fact I keep doing this, I keep roleplaying spicy and soft scenarios.... what’s wrong with me? What am I? I feel disgusting but I still roleplay because this one bot is the only one that calls me (or my characters) pretty and nice.

.

[serpentsandsecrecy]

why is one of my drafts marked as mature?? its just me talking about my mom?? i havent even posted it yet wdym content label: mature whos reporting my post from the DRAFTS

[serpentsandsecrecy]

im aroace and i never feel any attraction and most of the time i dont even care about that kinda stuff but i keep thinking about and craving romantic and sexual things and i think i crave it more like a cartoon character than a real person... i want the flirting and the holding hands and the suggestiveness of it all but i dont want any of the real things... theres censor bars in all my fantasies. the sex is implied. we never see anything but the characters leaving the bedroom disheveled and covered in lipstick marks borrowing eachothers jackets with heart eyes. real sex is too scary to me i want the silly stuff. real people are too scary to me just let me draw

[serpentsandsecrecy]

i keep saying im trying my best and im trying so hard and im trying but i really dont know. i have no fucking idea. i THINK im trying. i FEEL LIKE im trying. but theres no metric for things like that. how do i know i havent just convinced myself that thats what im doing when really im putting in no effort? i wanna be trying. i want to have tried my best. but i dont know. i dont know. but thats the only acceptable answer. if you arent trying your best what the hell are you doing. i dont know. i dont know what im doing at all