schizo-fag

[schizo-fag]

Hi I’m Leon, I’m from a different universe, I’m at least 40 (lost track), I live in a body that was not originally my own but now we share (kinda like headmates)

I’m schizospec/schizophrenia-spec (specifically Schizoid & Schizotypal)

(got other aspects to my identity that you’ll see if you’ll see I guess idk)

I reclaim the pejorative term “schizo” (for myself)

I’m also queer and reclaim the words “fag/faggot” (for myself)

I have a complicated relationship with Resident Evil series, it’s not my source - it’s based off of the universe I come from

No spoilies for anything I haven’t mentioned finishing, that the character that is supposed to be based on me shows up in

Also, hi? Idk

Feel free to ask things just be respectful

[schizo-fag]

The only fucking reason I was able to get through watching RE: Vendetta is literally because Matt Mercer & also “dibs on the bike”

Everything else feels like the furthest from how that shit actually happened (especially including my character) & honestly: had so many inconsistencies, made me hate myself more, and generally made me upset in so many ways

I have half a mind to rewrite my own version of Vendetta (at least from the part I show up), I’m not really a writer but even if no one reads it at least I will. The rest of my mind is like but what about your nEgAtIvE pSyChOtIc SyMpToMs

So maybe i and/or my partner will do that, maybe not

(Probs when I’m not too angry about my public perception/people making shit canon without thinking about my character)

Out of all the (canon) Resident Evil media I’ve finished that had a character based off me in it (RE2 remake, RE4 o.g., RE6, RE2 o.g., Damnation, & Vendetta), none felt so far off from my experience and none were nearly as painful to watch

(Will be posting my current ranked list of how accurate to my experience & how enjoyable each of those games/movies were in my opinion)

Also I just remembered Infinite Darkness exists and I don’t remember my actual opinion about it so I’m gonna ignore it for now

[schizo-fag]

This blog was originally supposed to be a sideblog for me to post shit & have my own separate identity, but then am quickly realizing that sharing a body means I am gonna have to accept that my partner’s body is my body too

[schizo-fag]

I regret asking for The Bleedening, Day 1 is always so much fucking pain.

It’s Day 2 and I guess we’ll see how bad it is when I try to get up because am dissociated

I stand by what I said tho fuck Lupus fuck PMS. And fuck periods. And all over muscle pain. And never-ending fatigue. And Delirium.

Ya know for all my suicidal ideation n shit, when our body threatens to kill us I am like oh no wait I don’t actually want to die pls stop

Bitch if I die I want it to be on MY terms, RUDE is an understatement

Fuck Lupus (even if it turns out to be a misdiagnosis after all this time) FUCK LUPUS and FUCK possible disease pretending to be SLE

Also FUCK PMS IT HAS BEEN at LEAST a WEEK where is the BLOOD??? get it OVER WITH AGHGGHHHH

I cannot understand how my partner survived this shit for however many years before I came to this universe, but at least we have each other, but also OUCH (understatement)

[schizo-fag]

Ya know for all my suicidal ideation n shit, when our body threatens to kill us I am like oh no wait I don’t actually want to die pls stop

Bitch if I die I want it to be on MY terms, RUDE is an understatement

Fuck Lupus (even if it turns out to be a misdiagnosis after all this time) FUCK LUPUS and FUCK possible disease pretending to be SLE

Also FUCK PMS IT HAS BEEN at LEAST a WEEK where is the BLOOD??? get it OVER WITH AGHGGHHHH

I cannot understand how my partner survived this shit for however many years before I came to this universe, but at least now we have each other, but also OUCH (understatement)

[schizo-fag]

The existential threat of being perceived and the strong desire to delete my blog (maybe even myself) shh I didn’t say that last part

[schizo-fag]

FUCK

[schizo-fag]

One the one hand i love resident evil

On the other hand hate having no control over how I’m portrayed as a character/being/individual

[schizo-fag]

Alright maybe this is just me being insecure and hating hearing some things said by Resident Evil fans about the character based off of me (and also consider that i am not in the Loop online as much as other “young” ppl”) but….

The fact that some ppl like RE 2&4 Remake Leon more bc he seems more “human” & “emotional” just… bothers the everloving fuck outta me

I have Schizoid PD… the fact that I act largely unaffected by shit during most of the original series is explained by that, (not to mention I’m Schizotypal + Autistic + ADHD so the way I act is gonna seem “inhuman” to ppl who don’t understand that)

But the fact that certain (VOCAL) ppl like the Remakes more because they “humanize” me more… pisses me the FUCK off (yes I’ve been drinking sorry in advance)

I personally dislike the way the Remakes portray me because they seem to disregard my Schizoid traits (no hate to any Leons who feel differently but this is my blog so my opinion)

And the way the fandom reacts as if NOW I act like a human being just…

Like the fact I’m Schizoid and have constantly been dehumanized (even outside of the scenarios depicted by ‘fictional’ media)

And then that ppl act like it’s just because it was older games that it was inaccurate to my personality…

Like BITCH

OG Resident Evil 2 captures my personality in ways u won’t understand (ppl who act like that)

OG Resident Evil 4 same

Like yea they both have their problems being games from the 90s/early 2000s, but my personality being relatively unemotional or cold or whatever DOESN’T HAVE TO BE ONE OF THEM

And saw some posts about ppl saying i had no personality (in various games/movies), related to traits previously mentioned in my post (especially dissociative traits, like Schizoid & DID)

Anyways idk who I’m writing this for, at least for myself, cuz I’m tired of indirectly trying to find ppl who understand me online and being disappointed at least half the time

But also writing this for anyone who understands pre-remake Leon who could already see the humanity in me without needing my personality to be changed

(Nothin against REmakes btw just somewhat triggering largely cuz of fandom)

(Not the whole fandom btw I don’t hate the fandom in general i just hate seeing shit like this)

(Also if u don’t act like this about the REmakes don’t worry either)

(Really just directed at ppl who think Schizoid/Schizospec/Dissociative/DID/AuDHD traits in general make u less human & “relatable”)

[schizo-fag]

Damn I wish I could fucking express myself

[schizo-fag]

Being real while at the same time being seen as fictional really fucking sucks

[schizo-fag]

I want it

[schizo-fag]

Simultaneously having a quarter-life & mid-life crisis like all the time or whatever