samwritesx

[samwritesx]

Not rude, but also not Nice

I am not rude

When I am around you,

I don't care what you do:

Not for lack of interest!

Rather, Either way I'll love you.

I'm not stuck in my way

That you can't have a say:

I just know what I need

to make it through the day.

My safe ways are my own,

'haps not your comfort zone.

So do what you need to do,

and in no way will I groan

In this way I'm not rude,

It may be misconstrued,

but I am just a little different,

and that's no need to feud

I am not nice.

I won't concede to you,

and do your comforts too,

but, assuring your safety and care:

is something I'll always do

"For social etiquette"

My silence you won't get,

but should you need an ear:

with me you're always set

Without a prior plan,

conversing is a ban,

but if you need assistance:

I'll be there as soon I can.

late-night call girl I'm not,

your boredom can go rot!

but should the loneliness overwhelm:

give my company a shot

I don't feel very warm,

and socials aren't my norm,

but should you run out of food or will to live,

I'll be there to help through the storm.

But I accept your humanity

[samwritesx]

Trip to the Past

I feel twelve years old again.

Usually I would love the idea because it means I’m not thinking and that I’m acting all foolish and enjoying it like any person would every once in a while, but... not tonight.

I always thought i would enjoy a trip to the past where i would change all these tiny little things that shouldn’t change any key events, but this isn’t what i wanted.

[samwritesx]

I regret you

I wake up to make breakfast and I’m greeted by the pan you left when you moved out.

I head out the broken door, reminding me of your fits of rage.

I drive to work, knowing I’m only there because you stole my savings from me.

I come home from work wanting that cup of tea, and then remembering you’d always have tea ready for me. 

Neither a good nor a bad memory, but I don’t like being reminded of you.

I love when I say goodnight to the love of my life who cuddles up to me and goes to bed with me, and am reminded how you would fall asleep during sex, during dinner, during anything, even after sleeping 20 hours straight, and I ask myself how I did not know you were using?

I wake up and have tea with my partner having coffee, only to be reminded of how particular you were about coffee, and how I never drank enough tea according to you.

My cats cuddle up to me and I’m reminded how you wanted to take my cat when you moved out, but didn’t even bother to remember your dog.

I don’t go out as much because I am not looking for just any excuse to get out of the house away from you.

My significant other comes over and gets comfortable, even though this place is so much smaller than the place you told me wasn’t good enough for you.

I make food and I am surprised to find clean dishes, reminding me of how I had to beg you to do any house chores at all even though you didn’t work at all.

I sweep and sanitize, only to be reminded how I never got the right brands of detergents

I am sad, and I am reminded of how my sadness was apparently just for show to you.

I am happy, and am reminded how every happy memory ended in a fight with you.

I am stressed and am reminded how you’d just add to my stress and call me selfish when I took a break.

I am angry and am reminded how you told me that getting angry is abusive, meanwhile you’d throw and break and squeeze and threaten me.

I am relaxed and suddenly terrified of being called selfish.

I can talk to my partner and when we have a conversation it is so refreshing not to end up with death threats, physical pain or suicidal thoughts.

The fact that it is refreshing is a reminder of you in itself.

I love my boyfriend and it reminds how much you didn’t love me at all.

I have no love left for you and it pains me that you plague me so

But the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference, and it haunts me that I have any feelings, albeit how bad, towards you at all.

[samwritesx]

When she is “chatty” with different topics, usually unrelated or unimportant, and with short sentences, just to try and think of something else to say to keep the conversation going, she needs someone to just be there for her and around her.

If a girl ever asks you if she could do something for you which requires her to be close to you (like lie with you, sit with you, join you while you eat, etc.) please don’t say that you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter or something of the like. Usually it is because she needs to feel wanted at that moment. Unless you actually don’t want her close to you at the time, say yes.

[samwritesx]

Limbo

Who else here feels like you're caught in Limbo? As if maybe you already died, and we're in the first Circle of hell where we have to be for all eternity and since you're already dead, the only thing you can do is try to enjoy your time as much as possible since you'll anyway be here for eternity. As if everything you're doing is just another part of the routine that stretches over eons and umpteen lives. That your soul is already trapped and you're just controlling the body from a depth deep inside this corpse as big as the universe in hope something will at least connect you to another Universe Corpse so you can disprove the theory of solipsism. Who else feels trapped in Limbo?

[samwritesx]

Let Me Dream

I think of the things I want to dream about Just before I go to bed. Things that lead to better dreams are vivid thoughts And meaningful things said.

By now I’ve forgotten what all those thoughts were; They’ve all been replaced. Thoughts of you filled my mind. So vivid that my heart even raced.

I would think of things you said, Some you probably can’t even remember. I’ll almost be too excited to sleep: My mind will be happy when body will surrender.

But now it keeps me up when I think of you. I just once more want to hear that you love me too.

[samwritesx]

Winter At The Beach

It’s a step. It’s a step on the hard sand. It’s a step on hard sand after rain. It’s a step on barren land. It’s a cold step.

It’s a breath. It’s a breath of fresh air. It’s a breath full of air, cold and crisp. It’s breathtaking: land so fair. It’s a simple breath.

It’s a crash. It’s a crash of a wave on the shore. It’s a crashing wave with no-one to catch it. It’s a crash followed by many more. It’s a soothing crash.

It’s a nip. It’s a nip of icy water on your toes. It’s a nip of the sharp wind on your red cheek. It’s a nip of sadness before the holiday goes. It’s an insignificant nip.

[samwritesx]

A Regular Poem

I wish that I could write A regular heartbroken poem: Stating how fine I am during the day, But how at 2:40 am I feel nothing’s right.

I wish I could say that only then, 2:40 in the morning, You creep into my mind And sadden me again.

But I am not fine during the day. You are not a 2:40 memory. You cannot possibly still creep into my mind If you’re already there to stay.

I wish these wishes never come true. For then I would forget who you are: You would no longer be so special. But why would I ever wish that, too?

[samwritesx]

Love?

I always thought "love makes you blind" and "love makes you stupid" or "love makes all wisdom fly out the window" meant the same thing... Love does make you blind to how you act and to fault and a lot of things.. But blindness isn't stupid. Real love makes you give up your whole life and chances to your dreams and the things that matter that you wouldn't have changed just 'cause you're blind! You know it isn't smart to follow him around the world no matter your cost! You know it isn't smart to have literally nothing else to keep you alive except for him! But you aren't wise enough not to take the risk.

[samwritesx]

Past?

It feels like I warped through time... My mother discovered one of her old CDs, my. Allergies are as bad as they haven't been in years, I had chocolate when I came home and have lost my appetite, my sisters are each themselves and here, and I'm feeling as introverted as ever before... Proper dinner then dishes while listening to the 3rd CD of the collection, custard pudding 'cause it's saturday, dinner after each separated to their own devices.. That is basically what a regular evening was like throughout primary school, and a bit of high-school. I can't emphasize enough how immensely similar the atmosphere is with everything! I always think I will... Thing is, this past isn't in the past. It feels out of place and I don't want it. This isn't a repetition, it is people who can't forget the past and others who are oblivious. As if this little scene From the past will change anything? When people find a bright light, they complain it burns and only those who at least slightly adjusted have to readjust when the light is put off again to continue their sleep.

[samwritesx]

17

I am seventeen. I can think I can judge I can become a friend I can form a grudge.

I am already seventeen I can work I can drive I can go to school I can be alive

I am already seventeen I have seen the world Seen happiness and pain I have been criticized I have lost and gained.

I am already seventeen I have fallen in love I can also hurt, you see, But nobody would care, ‘cause I am only 17.

[samwritesx]

Violent Hearts

'Violent' has bad connotations. 'Violence' is heartbreaking; 'Violently': from too much aching. 'Violent' has strong connotations. Violent colors are vibrant; Violent praise: so loud it's silent. 'Violent' has mean connotations. Violent kids are abusive; Violent friends are intrusive. 'Violent' has soft connotations. Violent animals have been hurt too much; Violent cries are filled with agony and such. But nothing is as all-round violent as the heart. The heart feels violently; Just look at poetry: Many a writer has a Violent Heart.

[samwritesx]

Vent

So this has been the worst week so far.

Firstly I almost fail every science test, luckily I figured out what was wrong, so no more of that. I usually feel all relaxed after seeing my psychologist after a long week (loads of family drama) but this week I just felt tired. Then I got into a tiss with the most important person to me, then the person who was supposed to help me with one of my subjects didn’t show up, then I got terrible sunburn, afterwards we wrote a test, I became broke, then I almost lose my job which led to a temporary loss. I haven’t told this one guy about ityet, and I want to tell him in person, but he only gets mad at me because I’m screwing with arrangements. I’m almost out of petrol and I don’t want to lose my other job, but to keep it I need to drive a long way tomorrow. To top it all off, I have 4 projects due and 2 tests this coming week.

I just want to curl up, which I can’t even do for fear of worsening the pain of the sunburn, and cry and sleep until my dreams have cheered me up.

Just my vent for the year:P

[samwritesx]

Red Lips but Black Teeth

Girls So warm and enticing. Fire So dangerously alluring.

Girls Red lips and soft bodies. Fire Red flames as hot as Saudi.

Girls Red lips but black teeth. Fire Red embers but no sheath.

Girls So dangerously alluring. Fire So warm an enticing.

[samwritesx]

Your Closed Doors

You’re standing alone Smiling as you see me. You’re focused on me but… Not really, I can see.

As you greet me I hear more than just “hi”. I hear warmth and familiarity: I’m not just another guy.

We talk, but your gaze drifts so quickly Meeting my stare for barely a second. It’s a shame, ‘cause your eyes see something prettier; Maybe you’re lost in a dream, I reckoned.

It’s as if though your spirit Is somewhere drifting on a cloud, so free. I wish you’d let me in so I can still be sure of your love But you’re a closed door to me.

[samwritesx]

Behind Closed Doors

It’s dark. The last thing you saw was eyes Glaring at you Moving to you Drawing you

Your lips met Your eyes closed The lights went

You’re moved to a bed A universally familiar bed You feel hands Moving up your sides Pulling at your clothes Pulling at your desires

You feel Skin on your skin Skin around your skin Skin in your skin

Light creeps in Onto your eyelids You creep out

You’re back to work Conveniently there Front desk is calling You didn’t forget anything Nothing except the Closed hotel room door.

[samwritesx]

The Greek

Live like the gods, yet ever so humble. Clothes are comfortable and plain, yet flowing and flattering. Life isn't rushed but everything gets done on time. Never use chairs or stools, only couches, beds and cushions, even when eating. Meals mainly consist of the seasonal fruits, fresh buns and occasionally a piece of meat or a pastry. Never slouch, but never sit upright. Laid back, making light of anything and doing chores as if they are as easy as losing a handkerchief in the wind. Would most likely find yourself doing homework on a tablet or something of the like. Occupation is a painter and beach-bar/restaurant waitress or dancer and you live in a humble seaside flat.

Most likely, when you have off time, find yourself in bedroom wearing nothing but the snow white sheets staring out the window getting inspired to paint, in bed recovering from a tiring yet boosting 'workout', reading a book on the couch or relaxing at the beach.

This is a life driven by nothing but passion and bare necessities.