restriction-is-key - Tumblr blog

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i just ate a whole little box of cherry tomatoes and franchisee half of a jug is simplys lemonade....... FUCK

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this is just me trying to get skinny and get a clear face before school starts i got like 3-ish weeks

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i’m going back to school with fuckin anger issues jdndjdnkdnd

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guess who got a job interview at subway✌🏻✌🏻 hopefully i get it so maybe i can get healthy-ish meals for a lower price ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻

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tell me why i get nauseous when i think about regular food but i don’t when i think about my low calorie foods

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idk why but i find it hard to find male thinsp0 on tumbler :/

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today’s vent book pages

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i’m probably going to start restricting soon again bc school is in a month

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whenever i pull out a thick very textured hair strand i expect there to be the little bulb of clear gel on the end but it’s never there and when i pull out a very thin and soft strand of hair theres most likely a bulb of clear gel on it and i’m like wtf

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reblog this if you have trichotillomania or dermotillomania or any other impulse control disorder.

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reblog this if you support people with dermatillomania/trichotillomania/or any other bfrbs!

bonus: like this if you would date & support someone with them

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today i ate 1680 calories. i feel like shit

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I always get cold feet,

making excuses,

Can never tell the truth,

for what goes on in my head,

Afried they will tell me,

I don’t know what i’m talking about,

Why do i always think everyone just hates me,

Scared i won’t be able to see my 18th birthday,

trembling,

and shivering

why Can’t i sit still,

And after all the meds,

i still cant go outside.

i Always seem to remember that day,

Wish i could forget,

But i can’t ,

it doesn’t work that way

It never leaves,

Always holding onto the past,

trying to hide the fact i’m not the same,

They think i’m just over reacting,

It happened years ago,

But it keeps happening every year

and hunting my nightmares

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I’m Terrified

Trapped in the borders of my mind,

Terrified of my life going to waste,

Waiting for someone to see,

I’m not ok,

Why can’t they see,

What’s wrong with me.

I can’t take it anymore,

Wanting to escape my fate,

It’s written in my eyes,

I’m scared of what’s to come,

Cant seem to leave the shell i built for me.

My heart is pounding,

My hands are trembling,

Unable to speak,

Why am i the way that i am.

Wanting to scream,

Call for help,

But I’m not loud enough,

They can’t hear me.

They never could,

Always been told to speak up,

When that was as loud i could be,

Scared to say something wrong,

Scared to be wrong,

Scared of denial in the public eye,

Humiliation is in the back of my mind.

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now ik why modeling agencies never called my mom asking for me. WHEN I DID MY FIRST MODELING THING I DID THE WHITE PEOPLE MOUTH WHEN WHITE PEOPLE PASS EACH OTHER IN THE HALL

😐headass

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Drowning

Drowning in a pool of darkness,

Where no light has dared to be seen,

Sinking to the bottom,

Lossing all hope,

Thinking i wasn’t going to make it,

Afried of not being saved by the grasp of light,

Sinking,

Sinking,

Sinking,

After being with the darkness for so long,

It starts to become part of you,

Something you can never forget,

Or get rid of.

Untill a ball of light shows up,

Finally being saved from your own type of mental hell and torture,

Thinking it wouldn’t happen again.

Slipping,

Falling back,

The pool of darkness i once found myself drowning in before,

Has once caught up with me again.

The cycle of fear and pain,

Never stopes for anyone,

Who has fallen into its trap.

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The nature of my content and writing is relatively dark. As it is a representation of my inner feelings and emotions based on past events in my life. Although i am relatively young i have still had a painful, mentally and physically, childhood. Most of my posts will have a trigger warning if i see it fits the post. Heavy topics will be talked about like mental abuse, drug abuse, addiction, mental health, and health issues i have or i have been around when i was younger and i unfortunately am still around. I come from a unfortunate family, struggling to live from pay cheeck to pay cheeck. I have many stories to tell weather they are laced into a poem or directly said. I hope you enjoy my thoughts, stories, poems, and just plain shit posts i think of at times. Thank you.