Liam | he/ghost | aroace angled | sometimes I say interesting things
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Dancing in the Lavender Town - Submitted by TheUnknownFloof
#ECE0E8 #E7DDF6 #BFACD1 #846CA7 #A4A4BC
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sorry for being gone i recently really got into scream (1996) and ended up dead in a ditch somewhere at the side of the street and they declared me roadkill. but don't worry i'm back. for now.
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if god hates gay people then why do we keep winning . that joanne woman scattered ronarry cocaine all over this page and she didn’t even do it on purpose
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I think I can say that my Patreon is officially dead lmao so here's some food for you from there
Also sorry for not being active, I guess depression hit hard, can't really get up from bed to draw :")
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Awakenings
wc: 2.3k || rating: T || cw: none || summary: Steve, Robin, and Eddie discuss their queer awakenings with (not-so-) surprising results.
“I mean, I don’t blame you,” Eddie grinned from where he was draped over the Buckleys’ couch, socked feet crossed against the wall as his head hung upside down off the cushions. “Jodie Foster is a babe. Did you see her in Carny?”
Steve laughed at Robin’s red face. “More times than she would like to admit,” he teases her, throwing a half-popped piece of popcorn at her face. Her resulting shriek was worth her throwing an aptly named throw pillow at his head.
Steve doesn’t know exactly how they got on to this topic, but it wasn’t unusual. Ever since Robin came out to Eddie, resulting in Eddie coming out to her in a panic at seeing her look so uncomfortable, which then resulted in Steve having to come out when Eddie panicked about him, well, a lot of their conversations when they were alone devolved into queerdom.
They had been watching music videos on TV and discussing who was hot, which resulted in them talking about how they had discovered they were queer, or maybe should have realized it sooner. Apparently Eddie had been obsessed with this one Irish singer/bassist dude who had recently passed away, which now that he knew he was bi, he realized now had been a celebrity crush.
Which prompted Robin to tell them who had been her lesbian awakening, another celebrity crush.
“Ugh, too bad I don’t have a chance with her,” Robin bemoaned from where she was now trying to smother Steve with the pillow she had thrown at him from their spots on the floor in front of the TV. “Not only is she a celebrity, but she’s also straight!”
Steve laughed, pushing Robin away. “I don’t know, man, you saw that interview she did years ago when asked about boys,” he teased her. “She probably likes boobies too.”
“Stop saying boobies!” Robin shrieked again, grabbing another pillow to smother him with.
Eddie laughed at them, well used to their sibling dynamic. “Well, we all know who awakened little Stevie, don’t we?” he teased, causing the two roughhousing to pause. Which was just as good since they’d ended up knocking over the popcorn bowl, though thankfully it was mostly empty already.
Steve hesitated, wondering if he’d been that obvious. “I truly don’t think you know,” he said dryly, almost mockingly. He wasn’t ashamed of it or embarrassed by it, but he also hadn’t wanted to make anything weird in their friend group.
“C’mon, dude. It’s obvious! Tom Cruise!”
Steve froze. Processed. Let out a groan. “Oh my god, I’ve had a crush on Tom Cruise this whole time,” he whined, dropping back onto the floor on his back. “No wonder Nancy always gave me a look when I wanted to watch his movies.”
Robin and Eddie both laughed at him, though at least Robin had the decency to try to hide hers.
“You mean you didn’t know?” Eddie asked, obviously delighted by that turn of events. “Christ, Harrington, I thought you were going to cream your pants when we watched Top Gun.”
“Well I know I like him now,” Steve complained from his spot on the floor, waving a hand in the air. “But he wasn’t the one who made me realize I was bi.”
“Oooh, then who was it?” Robin teased him, poking him in the ribs to watch him squirm.
Steve rolled his eyes. Maybe he hadn’t been obvious then. He sat back up and propped himself up on his hands with a small shrug. Like he said, he wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed. Well, maybe embarrassed by what had made him realize, but not the who of it. Never the who.
“Jonathan,” he answered simply.
Now it was Eddie’s turn to squawk, tumbling ass over tits from the couch to the floor as he tried to lift himself up to stare agog at Steve. “WHAT!”
Steve just let out a chuckle, bringing up a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Yeah, pretty early on actually. Well, I didn’t realize it was a small crush yet, but yeah.” He let out a heavy sigh with another roll of his eyes at his two friends’ gaping expressions.
“When was this!” Robin exclaimed. “How could you not tell me about all of this!”
“I just didn’t think it was important,” he huffed. His cheeks turned slightly pink at her first question, however. “Uh…it was…whenhepunchedme,” he said in a rush.
“Sorry, could you repeat that, because it sounds like you said when he punched you!”
Steve could only give her a sheepish grin and another small shrug. “It was kind of hot,” he admitted, causing Robin to throw herself back with a small wail. Eddie was just staring at him with wide eyes, but what else was new. “He liked Nancy and was trying to defend her honor, and then I said those really shitty things about his family when Will was missing.”
Steve sighed. Honestly, he regretted those things the most. Sure, he’d been wrong about what Jonathan and Nancy had been up to, but Nancy hadn’t given him another excuse than cheating on him at the time. Saying those hateful things about the Byers though, when he knew they were hurting? That had been fucked up, especially when he saw what an amazing person Joyce was, and how sweet Will was.
He’d apologized to them all after that first time (minus Lonnie of course because that guy does suck) but he still feels bad about it.
“I just thought it was hot at first though, the strength and male aggression, which made me realize maybe I was the queer. Then I started thinking about how Jon protects those he cares about, and by the time I realized that I felt jealous of both him and Nancy, they were already dating.”
“Oh my god,” Eddie muttered, scrubbing a palm over his face. “Oh my god.”
“I don’t have a crush on him now,” Steve complained. “But yeah. Jonathan Byers was my bi awakening,” he added with a grin.
“I can’t believe you never told me this,” Robin hissed, smacking him in the arm. “And after the Russian drug confessions and everything!”
“Hey!” Steve said, swatting back at her. He pointed an accusing finger at Eddie. “What about Eddie! He never told us who was his awakening. Just that he should have known sooner than he did.”
Robin’s gaze immediately swerved to take in Eddie’s pinking expression, a wicked grin curling her lips. “That’s right. Who made you realize you were a big fat homo, Munson?”
Eddie chuckled nervously, his gaze darting back and forth between them. “Uh…does it matter?” he hedged, causing Steve and Robin to roll their eyes in sync.
“I told you about Jonathan,” Steve pointed out. “And Robin told you about how she’s been a useless lesbian all her life.”
“Hey!”
“So who did it, Munson? Who made you realize you like boobies and dick,” Steve grinned.
Eddie continued looking at him, eyes wide and face turning pinker by the moment. “I…” An excruciating moment passed before his face crumpled and his squeezed his eyes shut with a nose scrunch Steve had always found adorable. He covered his face in his hands and let out a pained sigh. “It was you, okay,” he said, voice cracking.
Silence.
Steve felt a stutter in his chest, turning to look at Robin who was staring back at him with her own shocked expression. As one, they turned back to look at Eddie.
“Me?” Steve softly asked. He probably shouldn’t feel so smug about that, but he also couldn’t help it. To think that he, Steve Harrington, had been someone’s queer awakening. It was totally going to his head.
“Yes, you,” Eddie huffed, dropping his hands but not raising his head at all.
“When?” Was it back in high school? Back when he was wearing his gym shorts or speedos for swim? Eddie thought he was hot, whenever it was. He tried to keep a smile off his face at the thought.
“When you…” Eddie let out a groan, obviously embarrassed, which…ow? Was he embarrassed he thought Steve attractive? Was this just because Steve was a normie or because of who he’d been in high school?
“When I what?” Steve asked just as softly. He didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer now.
“When you bit the bat in the Upside Down,” Eddie admitted in a tone like pulling teeth.
Yeah. Okay. Steve definitely didn’t want the answer now. Because what the fuck?
“What the fuck?”
Eddie flinched a little at Steve’s response. “Look, it was hot okay!” he tried to protest. “At least you weren’t punching my face Mr. I-have-a-crush-on-Jonathan-Byers.”
“Had. Had a crush,” he reflexively corrected. He blinked at Eddie who still refused to look at him. “Are you shitting me right now, Munson? That was when you knew? I thought you’ve known for years!” Steve complained, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Did you have a crush on me, or did you just think I was hot?”
He regretted the question as soon as it left his mouth. Of course Eddie never had a crush on him. Finding a guy attractive was one thing, but actively liking him? Yeah, Steve knew better than to think Eddie could ever like him like that.
“Have,” Eddie whispered.
“What?”
“I have a crush on you,” Eddie mumbled, and then he was finally looking up Steve through his bangs. “I used to think…I mean, you’d never go for the weird guys. But then Byers?” he asked, tone still quiet, but now with a note of derision to it. “I have much better hair.”
Steve blinked. Blinked some more. Then he drew in a shuddering breath. Eddie has a crush on him. As in currently. As in right now.
Oh.
A warmth blossomed up in Steve’s chest, something he’d never imagined possible actually coming true. He cleared his throat, ducking his head a little to try to get a better look through the curtain of Eddie’s hair?
“Do you know what’s hotter than a punch to a face?” When Eddie lifted his head some to stare at him more fully, giving a small shake of his head, Steve grinned. “Being manhandled against a wall with a broken bottle to the neck.”
Eddie’s eyes widened, his face now fully flamed red, and Steve figured that maybe he really did have a thing for dorks. Considering how he was wanting to smother Eddie’s red cheeks with kisses and love devotions, maybe Eddie wasn’t the only dork here, however.
Carefully, slowly, Steve reached out to settle his hand on Eddie’s knee, his thumb lightly stroking the exposed skin there through the other man’s ripped jeans. Eddie stilled beneath him, scarcely seeming to even breathe, which boosted Steve’s confidence. He let his grin settle into something softer.
“So…it was the bats, really?” he lightly teased. “Not my school speedos, or even me shirtless and throwing my sweater at you?” He raised his brows at that. “I really wasn’t being subtle there dude.”
Eddie lifted his head fully then to stare at Steve aghast. “I didn’t know you liked guys! You were practically throwing yourself at Wheeler!”
“Well yeah, you weren’t giving me anything to go off of,” Steve complained rolling his eyes. “And I wasn’t about to make our friendship awkward by telling you I had a crush on you. Why do you think I never told Jonathan? I thought it didn’t matter. Even when you came out as bi—which, you’re welcome, by the way,” Steve added smugly, causing Eddie to scowl and pick up a discarded pillow to throw at him, “you never showed me any interest. Even when I came out as bi.”
“Well, yeah, you’re like…outrageously hot and an ex-jock. I knew better than to get my hopes up,” Eddie rolled his eyes.
“Maybe I should have bit more bats then,” Steve grinned. “Given you more of an incentive.”
“Yeah, okay, Ozzy, but I didn’t—wait, you have a crush on me?”
Steve knew it was mean, but he still laughed at Eddie’s owlish blinking. “Have since the boathouse, but thanks for finally catching up.”
“Oh my god, you are such a bitch!” Despite his words, Eddie was smiling wide, his eyes full of that sparkle Steve loved so much.
Steve could have said something snarky then, but instead he just slid his hand into the hair at the back of Eddie’s neck and pulled the metalhead into a kiss, smiling against his startled lips. It only took a moment for Eddie to respond enthusiastically, however, bringing his own hands up to grab onto the collar of Steve’s shirt as they tumbled backwards.
It took a moment for Steve to even realize Robin was no longer there, didn’t even know when she had left, too trapped in Eddie’s confession. He didn’t truly even acknowledge her absence until she yelled from the kitchen to keep hands above the waist and they only had five more minutes before she was spraying them with water.
Steve chuckled happily against Eddie’s lips, whose answering soft laughter was a balm to his nerves. Eddie liked him back.
It was six minutes later, when Robin really did come back with a spray bottle and forced them apart, that Steve had Eddie curled up on the floor against him with their backs to the sofa, Robin keeping the spray bottle nearby just in case. He didn’t think he had ever been happier.
“Oh, and Oz?” Eddie murmured softly, looking up at him from where he rested his head against Steve’s shoulders.
“Yeah?” Steve answered, feeling something warm and sweet at his apparent new nickname that held so much meaning for the both of them now.
“I am so telling Jonathan you had a crush on him.”
~
I’ve long thought it would be amazing if Eddie nicknamed Steve “Ozzy” and finally I got the chance to put it into a fic. It will definitely be a reoccurring thing though whenever I get the chance tehe
Hostage Hotties: @derythcorvinus @katyawriteswhump @honeii-puff @scoops-aboy86 @dotdot-wierdlife
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just did a deep dive on "amatonormativity", and I finally have a word for a concept that I've disliked for years.
I love my friends in a deeper way than socially acceptable. no I don't want to be with them, I just am not a person who gives love in small amounts.
I finally understand a bit more of myself after spending years going with the label of "queer but mostly in a platonic way"
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how much aura do i lose after i once again gaslighted myself into thinking that this year school is gonna give off the vibes of a luxury private university in Vermont? i do this every year...
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oh my god there are so many books to read and instruments to learn and languages to speak and poems to write and oranges to eat and ideologies to study and songs to sing and films to watch and people to kiss and
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The urge to learn every language and play every instrument and travel the world and live through every historical time period and be a writer and a poet and an actor and
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graves grow no green that you can use.
gwendolyn brooks
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Quotes by Sylvia Plath, The Journals of Sylvia Plath
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Rebellious joy
I have done nothing but what I’m supposed to do,
been nothing but what I’m supposed to be,
and yet I still wallow at the sight of my own reflection.
Could it be that we are the sole makers of our joy?
Perhaps he was never right.
I am not what I eat.
I am what I think.
I am my own man.
#poetry of sorts#idk how to tag this#original poem#poems on tumblr#watching dps reignited the flame of poetry in me I’m afraid#poetry#I don’t think I’m a poet but oh well#I suck at poem titles#my apologies#dead poets society
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Dead Poets Society
I’ve just watched Dead Poets Society, at last.
And my god, what a film.
The only way I know how to review a movie is by telling what I felt watching it, and what I felt was raw. I felt hope, as if I could be what I want to be, as if my want to write is good.
I felt my heart beat!! And also this weird grief, because I’ll never get a boyhood like this.
So many aspects of this film are great, i don’t know.
Neil’s character is rooted with passion, it’s so interesting to see him realize what he wants to do, and then cling to it like an anchor.
The way he died for it.
The feelings in this movie ring so true.
Mr.Keating’s thoughts on education and poetry are like this, door to the Beat Generation movement, right? That’s what they were all about, I think.
I actually can’t form coherent thoughts, everything is jumbled.
Perhaps I need to watch it a thousand more times before I can write about it.
I’m not making any sense at all, my apologies.
#thought of the day#dead poets society#dead poets fandom#movie review#sort of#I cannot express my thoughts#none of this makes sense#this is not my best work#I’m very shaken#Neil Perry the boy that you were
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