prosaiiic

[prosaiiic]

When the advice you give your daughter is sometimes it’s best to shut up and do what he asks, you are part of the problem.

                           ( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

"This is what it sounds like, the cacophony of hatred spewing molten and frozen, all at once. Marriage is a deep fryer and deep freezer all in one. The insults, betrayal, sycophantic gifts all boil over, frozen in time by wedding rings and gold bands. I empty the fryer basket out onto the waiting paper towel, and hold my breath." 

- this is why they tell children not to play in the kitchen                          ( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

It has been quite a while since I’ve posted anything here; rest assured, I’m working on something new 🌱

[prosaiiic]

hey guys…

so i’m in an unsatisfactory bitch of a situation. turns out i actually owe like $200 in taxes, both federal and state. paying that off will leave me with less than $100 in my bank account. despite the fact that that’s not even the minimum balance to keep a checking account open, that also leaves me with next to no money to go into the summer. i have 6 weeks left of classes, which means i only have 3 more paychecks. seeing as i’ll be spending the summer in a completely different city from home && school, i’m going to need cash to buffer what i’m going to have to pay for senior year of college. ( which is its own clusterfuck, thanks fin-aid. )

i do have a ko-fi, which you can find here, as well as in my description and on my about page. any amount that you can share is fine, even if it’s just a reblog. once my schedule clears up, i’ll open up commissions as well. 

please reblog/share if you can. any amount helps, truly. 

[prosaiiic]

“She made me vulnerable; to wound myself on thorns I didn't know I had. You teach me vulnerability; to soothe myself on the petals. Forgive me, my love; I still mistake the rose for the thorns.”

- prince lindworm was wrong               ( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

“no one taught me what to do with the anger that is leftover when there’s an empty seat at the dinner table.

no one taught me what to do with the hollowness that is permeating every inch of me.”

           i have not, nor will i ever, forgive you.                    - ( k.f. // 2018 )    

[prosaiiic]

The first time her hand brushed mine, or the time she stood in my bedroom, shy and dark eyed, when I told her something that could have fucked everything up, but instead began a new beginning...that's when I knew.

                      - ( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

I wonder if I'm the star a child is wishing upon right now. I hope, whatever it is, that it comes true.

thoughts from an airplane #1 ( k.f. // 2018 ) 

[prosaiiic]

[prosaiiic]

The only time I'm not thinking about you is when I'm dreaming about you.

( k.f. // 2018 ) 

[prosaiiic]

Silence the noise and reflect.

reflect and evolve // Hina Syeda @abillionlittlethoughts (via abillionlittlethoughts)

[prosaiiic]

Then you called me young, dumb, and sexy, and I stupidly thought that that was a good thing.

( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

I wish people knew the complexities of the human mind, so they could feel the way mine changes on a dime.

             -  ( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

“i. our ancestors gave us something called the mammalian diving reflex. it slows the heart rate and automatically ceases our breathing when submerged. it is a forced reset of our cardiovascular system. try sitting at the bottom of a pool, or taking a long shower. it has helped us survive the predators in our own brains. ii. KNOW THIS: YOU HAVE MORE CONTROL OVER THE MEDIA YOU CONSUME THAN YOU EVER DID BEFORE. CHANGE THE CHANNEL IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT’S PLAYING; UNFOLLOW SOMEONE IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT THEY’RE SAYING. FREE YOURSELF FROM MASS-PRODUCED MENTACIDE. THINK. ACT. LEARN. iii. our ancestors gave us something called pattern recognition. in humans it is higher than most, if not all, other animals on the planet. to recall patterns of safety and patterns of danger is helpful. to confuse the patterns of an abuser with the patterns of a friend is not helpful. it is okay when these signals are crossed; it is not your fault. iv. KNOW THIS: YOU WILL NEVER BE A FINISHED PRODUCT. YOU WILL ALWAYS CHANGE. YOU WILL ALWAYS GROW. IT IS THE FOOL WHO THINKS THEY KNOW THEMSELVES BEFORE 25; IT IS THE WISE WHO KNOWS THEY WILL NEVER KNOW THEMSELVES AT ALL. v. our ancestors gave us something called episodic memory. there is a theory out there that we developed this to make friends. our ability to tell stories and remember our experiences would have guaranteed survival because we would have made our own assembly. even though the memories hurt, this too is survival. our past is the blueprint for our future. vi. KNOW THIS: YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR OWN PATTERNS BUT YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR FRIEND’S PATTERNS. YOU AREN’T RESPONSIBLE. IF THEY WANT TO CRASH AND BURN – EVEN AFTER YOU’VE CHECKED THE BRAKES AND PLEADED WITH THEM NOT TO – THAT’S NOT ON YOU. JUST WATCH THE FLAMES AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT THAT’S WHAT THEY WANTED. vii. our ancestors gave us something called compassion. humans are not alone in this trait. it is why a silverback can adopt a fallen boy as his own. it is why dogs can calm cheetahs through the toll of pregnancy. it is why blind cats find solace with horses. it is why humans risk themselves to rescue animals we had a hand in hurting. it is why we rush to save. this is not a fault. to be compassionate is a strength, because we know when we are done with a person, they deserve it. viii. KNOW THIS: HEALING IS A PART OF SURVIVING. CUTS WILL SCAB OVER, BRUISES WILL TURN YELLOW AND GREEN, BROKEN BONES WILL HEAL STRONGER THAN BEFORE. IT’S OKAY TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO HEAL WHILE YOU STRUGGLE ON. YOU NEED TO BE COMPASSIONATE TO YOURSELF. ix. our ancestors gave us something called depression. according to a recent study, depression could be linked to having a better immune system. in the effort to fight off somatic infection, our ancestors developed a psychic one. but just because we are less likely to get “traditionally sick” does not mean that our struggles are not valid. it simply means that life is going to be harder for us. that is not a choice in which we had a say; how we live with it is very much our choice. x. KNOW THIS: THE ATOMS THAT MADE YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH DARKNESS UNLIKE YOUR WILDEST DREAMS. THEY SURVIVED THE BIRTHING OF THE UNIVERSE AND CAME TOGETHER TO MAKE YOU. YOU ARE STAR DUST, COMPASSION, PATTERN RECOGNITION, MAMMALIAN DIVING RESPONSE, AND SO MUCH MORE”

             - our ancestors gave us // survival tips                        ( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

A poem begins with a lump in the throat.

Robert Frost (via kristensnotebook)

[prosaiiic]

“honesty is a drink brewed from the bitterest herb: desperation.”

           - serve in a poisoned chalice, then wait for the one who comes to you with the antidote already spread on their lips

( k.f. // 2018 )

[prosaiiic]

it is funny though; you helped me pick out the abuse from others in my life, but you never once taught me how to recognize it from you.

( k.f. // 2018 )