procrastinationhinders

[procrastinationhinders]

Gambling and the Bible

Just out of curiosity I would like to learn what the bible says about gambling, specifically, and that includes anything about chance or luck. I attempted Google this information myself, but all I found were sites explaining how a love or desire for money is wrong because you are not to put anything before God, otherwise, you are not “truly worshiping God” (in their interpretation). However, there are plenty of other forms of “gambling” per say. For instance, a claw machine or a prize skill machine. These two arcade machines take some sort of input from the user and in return that user has a “chance” of winning something greater. Now this “greater” object does not have to be of some sort of monetary value, but plenty of people still enjoy playing those machines because it seems like the impossible to achieve, but when you become the rare and actually win you feel so excited that YOU were that ONE in a MILLION. It’s just a fun experience overall and I would say the same for gambling at a casino or in the lottery. As long as you have self control, only spend a small considerable amount on this pass time, don’t spend money on gambling before giving your tithe or before helping those around you who need it, then I don’t see why it would be a sin or wrong. It is equivalent to spending money on entertainments, fashion, or other luxuries; we don’t need to buy them, but we bough them anyways. These are just my thoughts, of course. I would like to hear what you think. Agree or disagree? How so? Simply think of gambling in a completely different perspective? Please share

[procrastinationhinders]

True Pain

True pain is misery. If it is physical pain, then it sends messages to your brain that bother you so much that it makes you want to pass out, cry, scream, contract your muscles, or even trust the ideas of complete strangers so you no longer endure the experience. If it is emotional pain, well then your thoughts run like crazy, in return making you feel crazy. They scratch at you skin until you are so miserable that you cry, sleep, eat, find ways to release dopa-mine, or sadly, hurt yourself. However, True Pain is incapable of being escaped. It is the only thing on this planet that I have yet seen to be avoided, besides death. All the methods of avoidance only prolong the experience, never making the problem disappear; although, it does feel like the problem is now gone. That is just illusion of grand dure, though. In my observations and acquired knowledge in life, I have come to the conclusion that the most difficult path is the easiest route. Paradox? When looking at the pain at the beginning of the experience we feel miserable. So miserable that we tend to stop all our logical thoughts pertaining to the situation right there. We see all the negative happening at that very moment, but barely notice the positives. We become blind. Blind to our surroundings and blind to the good future possibilities. However, That does not mean it is the end of the world. I’ll be plain and simple now. Yes, it does suck! It greatly sucks and I hate that as humans we have to endure these moments. But, although it seems impossible to live through the misery and sometimes you even feel like dying, if you do in fact decide to just learn to manage and cope with the feelings, despite the grave difficulty involved in this path, the event will pass much faster and the final results are much greater than those through the path of avoidance. This is extremely difficult though, but if you can do this then you can learn to manage any feelings or experience. This is because you are learning to face your problems rather than attempting to escape them or ignore them. Facing your problems is what makes them diminish, because you eventually find a solution or learn how to not let the negative moment effect you. This is a great long term effect.

I have been practicing this for sometime and now whether I get made fun of for my likes/dislikes, hobbies, sense of humor, or personality it does not effect me because I dealt with similar negative feelings in the past and now I continually know how to deal with them. Right now my biggest struggle that actually over shadows any other problem in my life is that my boyfriend lives 1600 miles away. Before you ask, we are both adults and yes could just chose to live in the same city together and we did in fact meet in the same city to begin with; however, before we met there were previous commitments we made to ourselves and others that did not involve a boyfriend/girlfriend and happened to be 1600 miles away from each other, so we decided to fulfill those commitments and just work it out. Plus why would we break up due to distance? I mean if something like that could break us up before even trying then how much did we really like each other? And if we do last through the distance, then in my mind that’s commitment and fa nominal.

Now I have experienced True Pain before, but never for this long. This pain of course is an emotional pain, and all the emotional pain I have experienced, although felt like a life time at the moment, was only a maximum of a week. This on the other hand has been a couple months already. This is tearing at my skin and giving me so much heart ache; however, I have rationalized that my love surpasses the pain making all the misery completely worth it. Because I know that one day we WILL be able to be together and that’s all that matters. I have to not blind myself by letting my emotions get the best of myself resulting in me focusing on only the negatives and never the positives. I have to remember my past experiences with misery and just face my problem, by changing my thoughts to focus on the good memories with him and the good memories still to come. I also have to trust him and love myself. I have to love myself, that way I do not NEED him to show his love to me 24/7 and we can deal with the lack of communication due to the fact that we can’t spend so much time together. All this is what motivated me to write this, in an effort to remind myself of the skills I have acquired to deal with the True Pain of this world for this long. It SUCKS! But I know I will be okay and I WILL OVERCOME! ;/

[procrastinationhinders]

I LIVE FOR APPROVAL..

Why on Earth do I spend so much time and energy on attempting to achieve the approval of others? What do I possibly gain from all of it that I literally sacrifice my happiness to be approved? I don’t get it?

I change who I am, I do things I hate, I change my perspective/mentality, and even sacrifice my needs for others so that maybe they might finally accept who I am and approve of me. I despise myself for the struggle I put myself through, yet I continue to do it everyday. I’m not happy with myself for the constant waste of effort, since I am completely aware that I most likely will not receive the approval of others; yet, I hold on to hope that one day my dreams will come true.

I think that I put myself through pain, although I could easily just make the decision to not care or stay away, because I feel that with approval will come love. Because I guess deep down I actually feel you do not love me, that you have never loved me. I feel that the reason I am never good enough for you or never living life the way you want is simply because you do not love me. If you did love me, then I would be good enough for you just the way I am. There would be no need for me to feel I have to change for you or that I need to please you, because I would feel accepted and approved with just your love. — and that’s the truth!

However, come tomorrow I know I will be back at your door step like a puppy scratching at the door begging to be welcomed back in your house, due to the fact that I crave your love and will do anything to receive it.Your love is my heroin.

I wish this wasn’t my life, but how could I want anything else. I may become bitter or build resentment through your lack of consideration of my feelings and emptiness, but I guess that is just life, huh? 

Every time you don’t approve is just another stone added to the rode that makes up our relationship. Yet, through all the shit and heart broken moments, I still love you — I will ALWAYS love you.

[procrastinationhinders]

INSECURITY SUCKS!

Insecurity sucks! But our own thoughts are the only thing keeping us at the miserable state we are at.

Sure there’s negative comments towards us, people who don’t believe in us, and people who persist on making us feel stupid; however, ultimately the only thing that is letting those comments and people affect us, is our own damn thoughts. We CHOSE to agree with them and feel stupid or unworthy, not to say that the choice is simple or even noticeable most the time. Most the time we’re not even aware of the fact that we are thinking in such a negative, condemning, and chastising way. Our reaction due to the sudden explosive feelings comes before we can even think the situation through, and the next thing we know is that we’re at a point in our life where we have judged ourselves so much that it has interfered with our relationships, success, happiness, and well being.

The challenge is to overcome those moments. Stay calm, walk away, take time to think, take a nap, breathe, work out, put our mind on other things, and do whatever it takes to NOT explode — this way we are capable of thinking things through and create a logical thought; thus, enabling us to avoid getting to the point in our lives where we are so confused, hurt, miserable, and feeling worthless. That way the crap in the world doesn’t win and rob us of happiness!

The only problem with this is that it is freaking DIFFICULT! And before we realize how to handle the crap the world slaps us in the face with, we are already insecure about ourselves, so I say again, INSECURITY SUCKS! 

[procrastinationhinders]

Pardon my French, I'm just venting here.

Why the fuck is it that although I definitely have these profound thoughts, I cannot communicate them in such a way that provides such an insight to my mind or blows yours. I repeatedly score low on test, exams, quizzes, and any assignment pertaining to writing. I absolutely envy all those who are looked upon as genius or intellectuals due to there way with words, extremely complex vocabulary, use of metaphors, syntax, and diction. Everything they say in a formal matter always seems to make perfect sense and open the minds of the reader. When reading all this I look at myself think, “what the hell. I have also had this exact thought, but never have I communicated in such a sophisticated and articulate way. This describes my perspective on the subject to the T, why am I not at their level yet?” Maybe all it takes is practice, and my negative thoughts towards reading, never actually completing a book, not analyzing what I read, and lack of writing/talking in such a manner is the only obstacle preventing me from being who I aspire to be.

The root of this frustration is that I learned today that I received a 2 on my Literature and Composition AP exam and that lead me to be very upset, disappointed, and sad about my skills when it comes to reading and writing. I continue to work harder and harder every year, and just when I think I have reached an astounding level of communicating and analyzing, I learn that I am still shy of being mediocre in the art. Then again maybe I am just one to choke in such situations where there is a dense amount of pressure, because now that I look back at this post I see that I am not too bad. However, I ultimately doubt that because this is not the first time I have received low scores on standardized test or any assignment for that matter in the reading and writing area of my academics. I am extremely lucky if I achieve the mediocre level in the subject :/