ohdearaugust

[ohdearaugust]

I'm trying to get back into writing poetry and I'm drawing a blank. like how the heck do I do that? I did this before? like I used to write multiple poems a day? was I delusional? because there ain't no delusion like what I'm feeling now hahaha. all is good. all will be fine. just have to get back into the groove of things. I have a designated notebook again. maybe I'll start writing in gel pen instead of pencil. make it last. make an actual mark. perhaps this time my writing will leave a lasting touch. a stream of consciousness. this is me becoming a better writer. a better person. what am I even saying? you get the point. also I'm gonna get back into hobbies. I need to find something I like again. I'm gonna use writing like a treat and working out as another hobby one that I'm worse at than writing hahaha. okay farewell for now.

[ohdearaugust]

well folks, we've made it. to the 28th night of September. Taylor sang it first. ugh. cannot believe it. make it a good one. I already had a little dance session, played the song of course. now I'm ready to have a good cry. hahah jk. new poems coming soon. because sad girl autumn is upon us. summoning us. but this time around we're gonna do fun girl autumn, because being sad is being put on a back burner. jk I wish that's how it worked but anywho that's what I'm gonna try. I'm gonna be in my growing era not my wilting with the grass/flowers/leaves. we got this!

[ohdearaugust]

folks, we are hours away from speak now, taylors version. who will we become?

[ohdearaugust]

some special folks are gonna see @taylorswift this week… in person! in real life?!

[ohdearaugust]

sometimes -well, quite often- i will go strolling through pinterest to see all the wonderful texts posts from tumblr and feel so empowered. and i’ll be sitting at the kitchen table trying to hold back tears. how beautiful that even though we don’t know it, cause we don’t see it, there is someone out there that for at least a moment in time appreciated our existence and experience.

[ohdearaugust]

look at the sky, like, what?

[ohdearaugust]

“not certain for sure, but winter is a violent creature. how it looks so divine until it touches you in slow motion. until you awaken bitter and afraid and cold. when you feel thrown for the way it blames you for ruining it’s pureness.”

winter is a gaslighter. via: @ohdearaugust

[ohdearaugust]

[ohdearaugust]

thought i would one day find peace,

but life is a tease

and nothing can put me at ease.

not to be dramatic by: @ohdearaugust

[ohdearaugust]

oh how i wish this wasn’t so.

[ohdearaugust]

i read a post earlier that talked about how it makes zero sense for us to think that everyone needs to like us, when there’s clearly parts of our own selves that we don’t even like- that we find utterly annoying. so we shouldn’t become upset that we aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, when we KNOW we can be a bitter pill to swallow. and that’s gonna take me quite some time to cement into this brain of mine- but i already feel a little better understanding that reality. like, it’s not all about you, and that’s soothing… healing. there’s room to keep working on myself.

[ohdearaugust]

via, @ohdearaugust

[ohdearaugust]

“i needed you to find other people, to feel at ease in the presence of others for the both of us. for i don’t know how to be in the presence of humans. My brain becomes frozen and my body shakes and cries in something they call sweat. i needed you to socialize. make amends for the fact that i am the friend that gets left behind on the sidewalk while i tie my shoes- for being the one everyone interrupts and no one cares to hear. to be my dearest, my advocate, my personal defense team. but as i pushed you towards others i ended up closing in myself, boarding the windows, and i shut down. now you don’t call or text. now i see you laugh and wait on sidewalks with the friends i gave you.”

i’m happy for you. by: @ohdearaugust

[ohdearaugust]

“i don’t know. maybe disappearing for some time while things settle down would be nice. if this life wasn’t this life, and people treated each other like humans… with beating hearts and thinking brains?just maybe i’d find my next intake of air not as heavy as the weight of the world. but if not this life, which one? a worse one? one of no inkling of hope?”

thoughts from a bedroom floor on a dreary september morning. by: @ohdearaugust

[ohdearaugust]

just to clarify, i have changed my username again. i’ve had quite a few already… yeah, i know… but hear me out! branding is important and that’s why i’m going to try to be more cohesive on all platforms. so, welcome to this new chapter. *drumroll (please)* i give you @ohdearaugust may it last!

[ohdearaugust]

why must august always slip away so softly but so suddenly?

august tastes like cotton candy. / @augustdawsey

[ohdearaugust]

there has always been a yearning so brutal inside me, that i turned bitter. every turn, every encounter all i found was despair. there i was, weighed down by my thoughts of uncertainty. we think we need someone extraordinary to come into our own little life, to find us and dust off the lonely. but i think when we look near and far we miss what’s right there, us. i’m learning to speak to myself as a kindred spirit. to love the chatter and understanding i bring myself. life is a miracle, my existence shouldn’t be seen as anything less.

learning to value the friendship i bring myself. by: @ohdearaugust