nerdinacoolway

[nerdinacoolway]

Convergence

Your love is loud. Spelled out in big, bold letters that you underline twice in glitter and highlighter. The elephant in the room, something you can't possibly miss or go by without addressing.

My love is quiet. A scribble on the last page of a notebook, buried beneath rematches of zero kaata. Like a mouse in a kitchen sneaking away cheese and hoping to get away with it.

Your love is an obvious red rose and big, red, beating hearts that you send with freedom.

My love is the chocolate I share with you under the pretense that I did not get this specially for you. It's that one emoji that I know I only ever send to you and no one else.

It's in the songs with love declarations and cheesy promises, with music videos that scream of cliches.

It's in the playlist I made with all the songs you keep on singing, and only telling you weeks later about it.

It's the sure intervining of your fingers with mine, like that's what they were supposed to do all this time anyway.

It's the brush of my hand against your sleeve in the hopes that you understand that I want to be close to you.

It's slow motion video editing and reverbed background music.

The screen recordings I keep when I'm running low on storage, deleting my videos so I can keep yours.

It's the way you bring me closer, looking deep within my eyes like you don't want to be looking anywhere else.

It's the way I caress the zipper on your jacket, standing on tip toes so you can rest your forehead on mine.

The well known movie dialogues that you mimic with sincerity.

This prose I'm writing that I'm secretly hoping to send you some time into the future.

And I think it's bright, and warm, and playful, and totally obvious, just like you.

And I think it's pastel, and mellow, and cautious, and mostly hidden, completely unlike me.

[nerdinacoolway]

We're walking in sync, our hands touching gently where we keep them close to each other's but not holding them yet. You're not affected by the cold but I'm shivering, and your honest gaze and soft smile do the job my sweater couldn't do: keep me warm.

I scruff my shoe at the wrappers that adorn the roads, glance at the walls that are caked black with dust, inhale the air that seems heavy with smoke, and I smile. I think, I've never found Delhi as beautiful as I did that day, with you.

[nerdinacoolway]

I met you in December, when the cold gets bitter, the sky turns murky, the flowers lay bare.

In this city's winter where you don't feel cold, armed by the chill of where you come from. You tell me, back at home, you wake up to your green hills covered in the shein of pearly snow. I shiver at the thought, burying my hands in the depths of my pockets. You link your arm with mine, our pointy elbows keeping me cosy to my roots.

We talk about the weather without the conversation feeling barren. It's chilly, it's important. We have an excuse to walk closer among the bustling crowds, our hands almost always brushing each other's, seeking warmth I haven't yet found in my life.

In this grey cold we wear pink, purple, and orange hoodies, bright from the head to toe. That must be the reason why my vision tunnels when I look at you, the damp surroundings falling away till it's just you and your brightness. You're always in my periphery, bobbing around like a colourful minion. And if you carefully adjust my hoodie on my head, it's because the wind has been hitting my face for a while, not because you want every wholesome excuse to get closer to me. If I lean my head on your shoulder sitting in an auto, yes it's because I'm cold, not because I like the way it feels. The day feels short because the sunlight hides face at mere 5:30 in the evening, not because we don't want to go home even after six long hours of dance practice. If I scoot an inch closer to you sitting on a bench, it's because that's where the sunlight is filtering through the trees, not because you feel like sunshine more than actual sunshine.

I've always liked winters. Winter with it's erratic rain, and blue fingers, but this winter isn't bitter, it's the sweetest time of my life. This time around when I can just hold someone's hand when my hand is starting to freeze. When I can hug someone before we part ways, gathering the warmth from his sweater and taking it with me in the metro. When I can hit him playfully after a dumb joke and he won't feel a thing other than the touch of my fists through the layers of his clothing. When we can pretend to be sipping on our scalding tea because we don't want to go home yet. When we can make plans to meet up and it not being weird because it's Christmas, and a day after Christmas, and then it's going to be New year's eve, and the the New Year's day. What can we say, it's the holiday season. We can walk arm in arm in the crowded tourist places, no, not because I've taken a fondness for you and your lameass jokes. Not because you look at me like you've known me all your life. Not because we feel this certain sense of psynergy between us. No, none of these make sense. It's simply because it gets a little cold around here, these days.

[nerdinacoolway]

❤️ send this to the twelve nicest people you know or who seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome ❤️

The first person to reach out to me when I returned to this hellsite (affectionate), that meant a lot! Thank you, and have a happy 2022!

I've yet to meet a person as skilled as you when it comes to scene dissection and analysis. You do god's work in any fandom that you step your foot in, and reading your posts is a delight!

Thanks for this boost of serotonin, I hope you have a great new year, love. <3

[nerdinacoolway]

Thinking about the rooftop scene, because ofcourse I am-

The guy you've grown up with, and liked since high school, the one person who's a constant in your life, your next door neighbour, your enemy, your rival, your secret friend, your ally, your crush.

He's looking at you with so much relief, smiling, shining, revelling in the moment that he can finally hold you. And you, you stay in the warmth a second longer, but not so long that you burn away. You look into his eyes, find love and longing. You look into your heart, find love and fear. You look at him again, behind a veil of blurry tears and a ripping heart, and he's beautiful and stupid and kind. You love him, always have. You fear the consequences, always have. And so you hold back your feelings in the fist of a choked back sob, bleed your heart dry just so you can look at him a little longer. And then, then you walk away.

[nerdinacoolway]

Being called a literature student just hits different. First day of college and I'm going feral already.

[nerdinacoolway]

do you ever love a book so much to a point that you don’t want anyone to know you love it since it’ll be like giving a very close glimpse into yourself

[nerdinacoolway]

Thanks for tagging me, @aberrantangel <3

hot shower or cold shower // texting or calling // earphones or headphones // paperback or hardcover // matte or gel // 12 hour clock or 24 hour clock // blue or green // sunsets or sunrises // tulips or orchids // candle light or moonlight // sci fi or horror // pen or pencil // pandas or koalas // gold or silver // sneakers or boots // denim jacket or leather jacket // pink or purple // chocolate or sour candy // deodorant or perfume // drive-in movie theatre or the cinema // pastel colors or neutral/earth tones // butterflies or honeybees // lemonade or iced tea // past or future // constellations or aurora borealis

Tagging- @allie-0714, @merbel1, @i-read-books-24-7, @ye6njun

[nerdinacoolway]

"I'm bored so let's meet up so we can be bored together" is an underrated form of hang out that screams of comfort and fondness and love. The epitome of friendship and boredom.

[nerdinacoolway]

@ye6njun I'm thinking about you girlie <3

The intimacy of spending a day with someone and then missing them from the very moment you part ways, knowing they're probably thinking about you too.

Yeah that's a love language.

[nerdinacoolway]

Tagged by @wavescutegreenhat, thank you ^.^

Last album: Even If It Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack

Last movie: Shang Chi <3

Currently reading: A Crowded Marriage by Catherine Alliot ( 0/10, wouldn't recommend.)

Currently watching: A thousand shows at once actually- The Blacklist, Manner of Death, SNAFU, My Hero Academia, and You never eat alone.

Currently craving: Chinese food and a gooood novel :')

Tagging- @allie-0714, @ye6njun, @merbel1, @traveleroflife02, and whoever else who wants to do this, go!

[nerdinacoolway]

@taylorswift hey blondie, which era are we in? Do YOU know?

[nerdinacoolway]

'I miss you everyday' seemed like an impossible task, an unkept promise, a twisted white lie. Until I found out it isn't.

God, I miss you. I miss you like I breathe, like I blink, sneeze, roll my eyes. It's not a task, not a promise, and sure as hell not a lie because what would I gain from admitting that thinking about you isn't something that I do, but something that happens to me on it's own. I don't imagine your face before I sleep or recall our conversations in my free time. You're just there, like a low humming sound, a bright colour in peripheral vision. You're in some nerve of my brain, a corner of my heart, subconsciously keeping me occupied. And on days like today, when you occupy the forefront of my mind, I realise vividly that it is painful still, that the past two years haven't dissolved the lump lodged in my throat. Time hasn't dulled the pain like I was promised it would. I love you friend, I'm so happy we made peace, wished we could've done it sooner. Every moment fighting and making up with you, I cherished then and I do now. You were so annoyingly perfect, charmingly flawed, and you know I'm not just saying it because you're not here anymore. Are you smiling cheekily? I bet you are.

Happy birthday, lark. I miss you everyday.

17 September 2021.

[nerdinacoolway]

Thanks for the tag, @merbel1 <3

Rules: We're snooping in your playlist. Put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs and then choose ten victims.

1. Riptide- Vance Joy

2. It Had To Be You- Motion City Soundtrack

3. Invisible String- Taylor Swift

4. Nas'n Ka, Oh Luna?- MarsMango

5. Cigarette Daydreams- Cage The Elephant

6. I'm Not Okay (I Promise)- My Chemical Romance

7. Kung Alam Mo Lang- Zsaris

8. Favorite Crime- Olivia Rodrigo

9. Click- Scrubb

10. Campus- Vampire Weekend

Tags- @allie-0714 @wavescutegreenhat @windosblog @lnlyppl @ye6njun

[nerdinacoolway]

A little late for advice considering I've graduated now but thanks puki.

Puki my mic got unmuted on zoom when I was screaming out Olivia Rodrigo's song what do i do puki, what do i do-

Idk just tell them you’re Olivia Rodrigo

[nerdinacoolway]

When James Arthur said "We danced the night away."

And when 5sos said "Dance around the living room, lose me in the sight of you."

And Taylor Swift said "We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light."

And Ed Sheeran said "Dancing in the dark, with you between my arms."

And Harry Styles said "Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor."

And when Claire said "Dance with me in my backyard, boy."

And Niall Horan said "If the whole world was watching, I'd still dance with you."

And Louis Tomlinson straight up said "You're a nightmare, on the dance floor."

I'd like what they're having.

[nerdinacoolway]

I like the cold side of the pillows, the cool coloured covers of my bitter wooded bed, not marred by the heat of another presence. I like the clean floors of my water-smelling bedroom, dusted only by my footsteps and no one else's. I like the whole tubs of ice creams that I eat by myself, without the digging marks of a second steel spoon. The perspiration of my once icy water bottle that slips onto my study table and seeps onto the fluttering, unhurried notes. I like the detergent washed clothes that become crisp in the sun and still smell like dew. The chill of things untouched by someone else.

In my own space of one, it's often cold but never lonely. It's the cold that solitude brings with itself, a wise sort of scent that wafts of lessons and slow realisations.