mozzarellamotley

[mozzarellamotley]

ohmyGOOODDODODOD

if if if if! in season 3, crowley, in his grief, decides to rampage and stick it to heaven and kind of loses it and then (FUCK!) aziraphale has no choice but to bring him down with flaming sword because goodness demands ferocity, goodness is hard (as @inhonoredglory said). And Aziraphale's eyes are streaming with tears and he's on the brink of breaking, perhaps broken already, as he lifts the sword into position. And Crowley lies there dejectedly. He's accepted it, wants it. And Aziraphale sees that, and nearly all his strength leaves him like a bonfire pounded by a downpour. The last of his strength goes to keeping the blade from dropping. A shaky grip holding it in place. He has to drop the blade. Has to. It's the only way. There's so much at stake. But oh, can he do it?

but then. "Look at you... You're gorgeous," Crowley murmurs. Seeing Aziraphale aflame with the force of good (He can see how Aziraphale is shouldering the pain and horror of it all and dragging himself forward for what's right.), Crowley can't help but say it.

And Aziraphale, at this point, had thought that Crowley had torched any liking he had for Aziraphale, that his friend vehemently desired his ruin. And so he should! Aziraphale has him at swordpoint! Crowley should despise everything about him, but he says that?

Even facing the end of his existence, even to his enemy, even after razing hell on Earth, Crowley... is kind.

And Aziraphale falls apart.

Give it to me Miyazaki style señor Gaiman I’m waiting

[mozzarellamotley]

Screaming over the darling part. It's just so f-ing precious.

Especially since it would be startling for everyone present except the little kid themself who just leans into Erik bc they've learned hearing "darling" means they'll be taken care of. But Erik himself breaks off mid-sentence and stares hard at this small person burying their face in his jacket as if he's someplace safe. And the other kids around, who are a little jumpy around Magneto whose brooding, towering reputation they know well from the stories and rumors, all freeze, minds buffering. Conscious of all the wide eyes on them, Erik nudges the kid and suggests they run on back to their friends. But the kid grips tighter and, not meeting Erik's eyes, mumbles into Erik's shirt, "Can you tuck me to sleep like Charles sometimes does?". And Erik's not sure why, but he nods and lets himself be pulled off by the hand to this kid's room and sits and listens as they babble on about the background behind every member of their modest stuffed animal collection until they nod off mid-explanation. After softly shutting their door on his way out, instead of striding off like always, Erik treads lightly back to his own room, careful not to disturb anybody.

And at least once a day, Charles and Erik share a winding walk around the grounds, going back and forth over concerns about students, hopes for tomorrow's breakfast menu, and speculations on the culprit behind the state of the hydrangeas. After discovering Charles could follow along fine if he slipped between languages, Erik starts flying off in German, furiously speaking his mind on some German film Charles has never heard of but after a half hour is just as passionate and inflamed about. And Erik's way with words has Charles drawn in and, half the time, falling sideways (and against Erik's leg) laughing his head off. Not long after Erik settled back into the mansion for what he then said would be "only a brief stay, so don't get any ideas, Charles", German starts cropping up here and there on Charles's side of the conversation (and sometimes in under-his-breath mutterings or telepathic notes for Erik only).

Just. What OP said and them admiring each other and subconsciously trying to be more like the other because of it.

Cherik thought of the day

Charles picking up on bits of German and throwing it into casual conversation. Erik catching himself in the middle of referring to one of the little students as “darling” The two of them spending so much time together that they start to pick up on the little things the other does and copy them unconsciously.

[mozzarellamotley]

if charles and erik went to vormir who would fall to the pit?

right off the bat fuck off I can’t believe you had the audacity to ask me but uhhhh it would be charles. erik would incapacitate charles and hold him down with whatever metal was available, & but charles would use his telepathy. erik would b like “you promised. you promised you’d never use your power against me again. that’s not fair!!!!” charles would go to the edge, turn, and say “all is fair in love and war, darling” before falling out of sight

(but night crawler would catch him before he reached the bottom bc in the time it took charles and erik to discuss who gets to die the other x men would have saved the world already lmao)

[mozzarellamotley]

charles: so sorry, logan. but i'm not a violence guy. i don't like seeing it, and i don't do it. i don't like it happening period. i flinch and tense up, actually. i can't handle violence myself. it can be so brutish and cruel.

charles: *catches sight of erik and promptly loses all critical thinking capabilities even though that's literally a cornerstone of his identity* VIOLENCE NEEDS TO HAPPEN RIGHT THE FUCK NOW ON THAT FUCKER'S FUCKING FACE. FUCK, DOES HE DESERVE EVERY OUNCE OF HELL I CAN MUSTER UP AND UNLEASH *throws everything he has into that punch god bless him*

logan: ....70s charles is just getting more and more feral the more i'm with him. but. hey! he was like this when i found him i swear! this unhinged behavior is all him, goddamn.

this is hands down THE funniest moment in dofp. not only is prof x doped up, but he was 100% aware of the fact he’d be seeing magneto considering the only reason he was even at the pentagon was to break him out, but he still took a single glance at his ex bf and proceeded to lose his goddamn shit

[mozzarellamotley]

Erik's dead-set on keeping those missiles on course. And Charles is clawing at him and pleading with him to stop. So Erik punches Charles bc he's determined to start this war (but also bc he can't stand that he's the one making Charles claw and plead, and he wants it to stop. He has to do this.).

But his heart betrays him. And every missile drops. Two explode, now useless.

Basically. Erik punches Charles then winces in missile, falls off course, goes limp, self-destructs, whatever you want to call it. That punch shook him.

the way the camera cuts to a few missiles exploding after erik punches charles, hinting that erik lost his focus even though he wasn't the one being punched. Bc he "didn't want to hurt" charles, but then he does, and that rocks him for a moment.

[mozzarellamotley]

Or it could be that the missiles exploding aren't bc Erik lost his focus. Bc if that was it then wouldn't they just fall? They don't fall, They explode mid-air. Like a flare of pain, a burst of hate (self-hate), a scream.

I dunno, I just rlly like the idea of the metal under Erik's control being an extension of him, to the point of it being part of his body language... 'cause it kind of is when he's the one moving it, right?

And like. That flash of a cut to those missiles exploding was purposeful. And there was nothing to make them explode up there but Erik.

the way the camera cuts to a few missiles exploding after erik punches charles, hinting that erik lost his focus even though he wasn't the one being punched. Bc he "didn't want to hurt" charles, but then he does, and that rocks him for a moment.

[mozzarellamotley]

the way the camera cuts to a few missiles exploding after erik punches charles, hinting that erik lost his focus even though he wasn't the one being punched. Bc he "didn't want to hurt" charles, but then he does, and that rocks him for a moment.

[mozzarellamotley]

man, I bet clark kent's incredibly good at geography from flying into space and having to find his desired destination by looking at the literal, og globe without labels or borders or little stars to mark capitals.

how sexy of him.

[mozzarellamotley]

Ohh I'd like Clark to have to coach Bruce through tapping into and getting a handle on the jet engine force that is his Superman powers.

The first few minutes post-body-swap, though, Bruce doesn't catch a damn thing anyone's said because he's hearing absolutely everything and has kind of crumpled a little into himself with his hands clamped over his ears from the over-stimulation. Realizing what must be happening, Clark gets closer and asks loudly and clearly for Bruce to open his eyes and look at him since lip-reading has always helped Clark focus in on a voice. But Bruce yells back, "When I open your- my eyes, fucking laser beams come out. I'd like not to burn off your- my arms." So, Clark gently talks him through closing off the heat vision while the Justice League looks on, deeply disturbed by the spectacle of an openly-concerned Batman soothing a scowling Superman.

After getting over the initial disorientation, they'd of course agree to exchange pointers on how to "be" each other for as long as the body swap lasts.

The only instruction Clark gets, though, is Bruce telling him to be "less... 'chipper'". Bruce trusts that Clark can throw a good enough punch to pull off delivering justice as Batman, forgetting that Clark (like OP said) would have feather light punches and hasn't done much parkour (Actually, the Gotham villains got quite the scare from witnessing Batman trip off a roof and tumble down a fire escape towards them at alarming velocity and volume. Any flailing on Clark's part is read as terrifyingly unhinged Batman behavior by the villains.)

Clark, on the other hand, makes more of an effort to get Bruce up to speed with life as Clark Kent. He makes Bruce sit through a whole crash course on the Daily Planet office dynamics and provides him with a list of Clark-Kent-appropriate excuses to get out of social situations when duty calls (because "I'm sorry, Bruce, but 'This is boring. Goodbye.' will not cut it."). Then superpower training commences! Bruce won't admit it, but a part of him can't help but be a little stoked to learn how to literally fly. The first day, Bruce can only manage a trembling hover because he just can't seem to get a hold on this elusive, nebulous "force" that Clark is tirelessly trying to describe to him. Then the second day, it clicks, and suddenly he's rocketing into space. He manages to crash land on the moon and gets thoroughly unsettled by the enormity of space and his very close call with plummeting right into it, not to mention the very act of standing on the moon breathing nothing. He gets himself back to Earth, and they take a break from flying lessons for a day and instead go inside (the roof and coziness of the Kent home helps ground Bruce) to work on not accidentally obliterating things with super strength.

Even though he still slams into buildings now and then, Bruce eventually does get a handle on flying. And it leads to the first time Clark wishes that this had been only a powers swap instead of a body swap. It's because of the look of delight he catches glimpses of on Bruce's- well, Clark's but really it's Bruce's (you know what I mean) face when landing beside him after having soared over four states to get there (and it wasn't just his expression, but the hair blown ridiculously in all directions and the rosy glow to his cheeks from the wind and thrill of it, too). He caught a glimpse of it even when Bruce was only floating a few inches off the ground for no purpose or reason other than because he could. And god does it pain him that he can't see that look glimmering in Bruce's own, actual face.

When they swap back, Clark is less hesitant about scooping Bruce up and flying off with him now that he knows Bruce never had a fear of heights (Bruce just tensed up a lot in Clark's arms for... other reasons.).

Hear me out hear me out. Batman Superman body swap. Supes is excited to be arm wrestle someone or hug someone without snapping them in two or some shit and Bruce finds something to brood about

That's a cute idea but hear me out : Body Swap but since Superman is so damn strong that Superman can never trust the feel of anything (its all like feathers to him super light or soft) so his brain is hard-wired to be super gentle with everything making "Burce" drop stuff because he's not holding it hard enough giving super weak handshakes confusing clients and business partners. Batman's punches are like baby punches and the villains are really freaking out becuase they can't tell if this is Batman fucking with them lol.

While Bruce broods that he has to wake at 8AM to work a nine-to-five where everyone makes fun of "Clark" and he can't write for shit. And deal with the fact he has to care about saving cats from trees, especially that tabby that just won't learn to stay out of them.

[mozzarellamotley]

YEAH^^

He's lived the majority of his life utterly alone in the apocalypse, and then all of a sudden he's being escorted into a sunny, bustling, 1950s-themed office?? Maybe he's so unfriendly and prickly (or, well, more so than he was before) because he couldn't get past the embarrassment of being so out of practice with socializing (plus he hated his job) to relearn those things.

ok yk what? everyone always talks about how bad we feel for five, but i don’t see that many people talking about how they feel bad for old five.

and they should be! the guy was plucked from the apocalypse and thrust into the commission. can you imagine the shock that must’ve been? not to mention getting used to people and social norms again. like—! we don’t talk about him much but we should. he probably didn’t even know what he was signing when he signed his contract not that he cared but still and then he went on to become the commission’s best agent even though he didn’t really want to. he didn’t like the job. he says it himself, he took pride in it but he never liked it. the only reason he was as good as he was was to throw the commission off his scent! they’re not going to suspect their best agent is going to defect, it’s preposterous!

but yeah he just wanted to get home and back to his family.

also i just rewatched s2ep9 last night and like—young five gave old five the correct math. i’m choosing to think that means there’s a 30 y/o five running around somewhere because if he didn’t get the math wrong, he wouldn’t be stuck in his 13 y/o body. or maybe he just stays 58, who knows? all i’m saying is that it’s good fic content.

[mozzarellamotley]

No but why do I agree with the baked mac 'n cheese one 100%?

The league's like "So, you're de-powered?"

And Kal frowns and says a little anxiously, "Wait here!" then runs out of the room.

He returns an hour later, by which time most of them forgot he was still in the building, and they jump a foot in the air when Kal bursts through the doors. The sight of him stops any protests over the interruption: He's grinning triumphantly, wearing oven mitts and an apron, and hoisting a steaming dish of baked mac 'n cheese over his head.

"I've still got it!" he announces proudly as he places the dish in the center of the conference table. Everyone stares at him bewilderedly.

He smiles back and assures them, "You'll understand once you taste it. I hate to be one to brag, but nearly all of Smallville agrees that it's practically a superpower to- " His eyes widen. "SHIT. You need plates and utensils before it gets cold!" And he dashes out of the room again.

Soon, everyone's being served a heaping plate of mac. Proceedings come to a halt as they dig in. They're all exclaiming through mouthfuls of macaroni, "Holy shit." and "What the hell, Supes? You've been holding out on us!"

And Kal's standing at the head of the table with his arms crossed and looking very pleased that he's managed to get his lunatic friends to sit down and eat something warm and filling before they go out to fight evil again.

Things Superman Shouldn't be able to do:

Run faster than the Flash

Be especially skilled at fighting when depowered

Things Superman Should be able to do:

Make really good baked mac 'n cheese

Investigative journalism/research for Wiki Leaks

[mozzarellamotley]

me, carrying around a USB stick: fuck, this is just like captain america: the winter soldier (2014)

[mozzarellamotley]

Cap casually remarking to Clint that he’d make a good dad would hit Clint like a ton of bricks, and he would not be able to stop thinking about it for weeks on end.

[mozzarellamotley]

also: Thor can like survive in space for more than a hot minute (also in Avengers: Infinity War, specifically).

and like... there's no air.. in space..

So, on underwater missions, the Avengers send like Tony in his super high tech scuba iron man suit. and then there's also Thor just.. dressed like always (except minus the cape) and walking about the ocean floor.

Occasionally, he'll suck in a lungful from a tank of oxygen he's carrying around like an oversized water bottle.

Pointless headcanons, let's go:

Because, as a god, Thor can withstand a star (in Avengers: Infinity War), I've decided he's incredibly heat-resistant.

Thor doesn't need oven mitts to pull a pan out of the oven.

The first time he did this, it was in the presence of the other Avengers, who all cried out in horror when he stuck both bare hands into the glowing oven, thinking Thor maybe didn't yet understand this Midgardian device.

Once, Thor handed Nat a piping hot mug of tea (a mistake he never made again and feels guilty about to this day).

Eventually, the Avengers think to use this to their advantage: from Thor holding hot coffees or buckling seatbelts after the sun's heated them into branding irons to Thor molding hot machine parts for Tony or even running into burning buildings.

[mozzarellamotley]

Pointless headcanons, let's go:

Because, as a god, Thor can withstand a star (in Avengers: Infinity War), I've decided he's incredibly heat-resistant.

Thor doesn't need oven mitts to pull a pan out of the oven.

The first time he did this, it was in the presence of the other Avengers, who all cried out in horror when he stuck both bare hands into the glowing oven, thinking Thor maybe didn't yet understand this Midgardian device.

Once, Thor handed Nat a piping hot mug of tea (a mistake he never made again and feels guilty about to this day).

Eventually, the Avengers think to use this to their advantage: from Thor holding hot coffees or buckling seatbelts after the sun's heated them into branding irons to Thor molding hot machine parts for Tony or even running into burning buildings.

[mozzarellamotley]

Okay so, goofy idea:

Kamala Khan legit has her own family taking care of her, but the Avengers don’t know that. (She’s got a secret identity, and they respect her privacy.)

Thinking she had to deny her family’s existence for their protection (standard villain-threatening-to-hunt-down-her-loved-ones-if-she-didn’t-cooperate), Kamala panicked, and, teary-eyed (Thank you for the performance assist, unhealthy levels of toxic ash in the air!), she yelled back, “I haven’t got any family! And, it’s very insensitive for you to keep badgering me for their names! I never knew them!”

Well, it worked, and the villain balked then stammered a rushed apology. But, Captain America was also present, and after the eruption of the powerplant kicked up, there wasn’t any pause in all the fighting and fleeing for Kamala to think to clarify to the Captain that she totally had a loving family waiting on her for movie night back home.

Cap seemed weirdly conflicted about letting her hurry off once the crisis (the very dire crisis of NYC becoming an abbreviation for New York Crater rather than City) had been averted, but Kamala assumed it was because he disapproved of her not sticking around to clean up the aftermath of the battle. Cap was strong, but dismantling the dump truck barricade (Not a barricade to stop dump trucks; like, literally a barricade made of dump trucks.) Kamala had mashed together was maybe outside his wheelhouse.

He had opened his mouth to say something, but, thinking it would be a complaint about being saddled with clean-up, Kamala cut him off with a promise to wipe down every last one of the Avengers Compound’s windows and then bounded off to catch her bus ride home.

Afterwards, the workload of high-school demanded her attention, and she forgot about the whole thing.

Prior to the powerplant incident, Kamala had only held a conversation with Cap on a few rare occasions (her claim to fame over Peter Parker, who had yet to swallow his nerves around the team’s leader and get past an exchange of “hello”s). So, it came as a bizarre (but not totally unwelcome) surprise when Steve Rogers became the most frequent and attentive of her mission leads. And then, the other “major league” Avengers, who had been kind enough before, would always claim a seat beside her on the quinjet to better discuss her interests or swap stories.

It wasn’t until an overly extravagant surprise birthday party that Kamala realized what was happening, what they were all trying to do for her. Even after clearing up the misunderstanding (an awkward but necessary ordeal, especially because, god, there were adoption papers) and a lot of apologizing, though, Kamala and the team stayed close as ever. That night had been remarkably embarrassing (and Peter still teased her about it), but the next morning she had two boxes of left-over birthday cake (and now, two families) to enjoy.

[mozzarellamotley]

Ok but, did Marvel intend for "What If...?" to have "The Twilight Zone" vibes?