luvbeedreams-blog

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Fire Heart

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It’s like a dream

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My friend Onii and I.

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sharing another comic sample I did applying to work for that feminist magazine — I spelt ableism wrong eeeep. 

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If you’re not familiar with this man, you should be:

-Donates 90% of his salary; is considered poor because of it. -Legalized marijuana. -Legalized abortion. -Legalized gay marriage. -Open to Syrian refugees; guarantees jobs to Syrians. -Described as an “antipolitician” and “the world’s most humble president”. -Lives on a small farm. -Atheist. -Vegetarian. -Owner of a three legged dog. -Speaks out against greedy spending and corporate abuse. -Opposes war and militarism. -Left wing; opposes religious influence in politics.

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IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

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How? I don't understand, you know? It's... difficult. I just don't know how to explain it! We' re too far apart in the world now. Nothing ties us together anymore but these half-forgotten, once sentimental memories. I guess that's what everyone else is feeling about some of our high school classmates, huh? That we all just... drifted apart. And it is really quite sad. I feel like that's something to grieve over. Because didn't that fun, didn't those happy times (and sad ones, too!) Seem eternal? Didn't they seem POWERFUL? Like they meant SO FREAKING MUCH???????Discovering those parts of the universe was something that would bind people together, forever, right??? And so, how did we all get so far apart? And it's not impolitely, and not even uncaringly. It's just something that happens.

And then, there are those who insist on clinging on. And you know those pesky little buggers are your truest of friends. Go get matching tattoos. Because you will never stop laughing over them.

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This sounds like a mediocre song pretending to be a good song, but all anyone ever hears is how the song thinks its supposed to be heard. What is this song talking about? Nothing. There's no soul in this song. It's so trivial.

That's how some people are too. A beauty that won't out stand the ages. But is that a harsh thing to say?

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I feel like there's something that I'm trying to remember. Something that was so good and yet so heartbreaking both at the same time that I just couldn't handle it. Being outside that moment of absolute ecstasy, and yet at the same time remembering that torture... It's enough to drive someone insane. And so I blocked it up somewhere deep inside of me that I was hoping I would never go poking back around, and yet t here I was, at the very edges of my consciousness, peering into the black abyss that is my unconscious mind. That's alright. I've always loved dreaming, dreams, no matter what, even if they're the most terrifying nightmares. Those nightmares where you're dead asleep, and so you lay down right then and there in the middle of your dream and close your eyes and try to force open your real eyes, in real life, and yet and yet and yet no matter how hard you try your eyes just can't come open?

So I'll stare into these depths until I'm brave enough to crack the seal and let it all come flooding back. Because it won't be kind and come slowly. It will come all at once.

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That place on the playground is slipping away from me in my dreams.  Actually now that I think about it, all my dreams are slipping away from me.  The other night I was trying to find my wolf clan and they wouldn't come to me. And a dream I can't help by keep thinking of is other one with the black wolves.  MY guardian wolves are usually gray or white. I have a built in dreamcatcher, in the form of imaginary friends, so to speak, I created for when I dream. Yes, i dream so lucidly to do so. They hunt downt he really bad nightmares and take them out. In my stories, the wolfclan represents these wolves I run with in my dreams..  God. Yes, I know, I understand how stupid and ridiculous I sound, But the way I experience my dreams.. all the dreams I've had and everything they've meant to me... They're ind of part of who I am too. Is that scary? Is that crazy? But it's true. And I don't give a fuck, let it go, let it go, blah blah blah. I'm just gonna be honest,and myself.  But yeah! Back to my point. My wolves... I think they got tainted... They're gone now. I can't find my wolves. My guardians fizzled out, just like all the others I've lost in my dreamland.  Oh shoot. I was so busy trying to find my wolves I didn't even bother to look to check if the city of Saviour was safe...  But Saviour ...  Wait... I feel like that's where I was last night!  Oh, my gosh.  That small band of resistance I felt like I was leading or going out on missions for... it's what's left of Saviour. We're fighting back against something, against whatever's making my control over my dreams collapse, what's causing me to lose connections with the characters I've met along my way.  I have to lay down and focus on what I want to work on that night in the dream, so that I can havee a dream that will make certain connections in my mind and give me a certain feeling... I don't know how to explain it, haha. But I'm always searching for something, and so there must be something I have to find. I need to hurry up and figure out the puzzle of my dreams... Think, think... I had what I THOUGHT was the most important piece of the pizzle the other night, I had a dream that closed a door that's been opened a long time. I finally found my imaginary friend that I've been searching for all these years. Something was coming for him though, inhis little room floating somewhere out there in the universe, and he needed to shut and seal the door to be safe from them forever, but that was somew here else and he needed to go adn that would cut him off from me too. I hadn't thought about it since so I haven't been feeling sad about it, but I can't regret my decision of losing him all over again, forever. My imaginary friend from my dreams.. because int ha tmoment as I told him to seal tohe door and I fell away from him and started dreaming somwhere welse in my mind, I knew it was the right thing to do. But I don't know guys. My dreams are strange. I think the thing I need to focus on now is the worlds I lsot ebfore I lost my imaginary friend... or maybe he's hiding somewhere else? Or maybe there was something else I need to focus on. Oh, my gosh. I have a lot of dreams about haunted houses, and in my dreams before, that gymnasium world... with all the foam pits trapeze things and trampolines... I think the funhouses are ane cho of that, a tainted echo. I think the willow tree is important too, in a strange way I don't need to face right now or perhaps alread faced without knowing it, but I ffeel like the thing I neeed to focus on is that colorful world that faded away so long ago. Okay, so that's what I'll focus on. I'm not too excited because I feel like it will lead me to nightmares, but oh well..... I'm nervous, but I'm choosing that dream for tonight. And can I say how awesome it feels knowg I can just choose to do that? To dream whatever I want? Whatever I NEED to?

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My headphones are turned up way too loud, but the noise feels so good against my ears. Not noise... music. They call it music for a reason. Because it is something more than noise. It is something more. Something beautiful. It... is more powerful, isn't it? More POWERFUL.....

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We are here floating amongst the stars, and who says we're not just germs living inside of a dead body??? What if we're all going to die and give birth to the new universe lives that way? As we decompose an the germs and yuckies form, civilizations grow in he tiniest molecules....

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I love just sitting here and experiencing the universe. Music, and words, and your fucking SOUL... it's amazing. It's freeing. It's a FOREST inside of me.