lost-inthenight

[lost-inthenight]

Going for my wander later to see if I can climb the tree, going to head off in daylight so I can see what I’m doing and learn to climb it so I can do it in the dark. (There was one time the police found me because I used my phone screen to see something and they saw it across fields🙄)

[lost-inthenight]

Tw- sui mention—

I have finally found the tree! It’s at least a 10 minute walk from the nearest road (which is in the middle of nowhere), giving me plenty of time to call the ES and be dead when they arrive.

It’s a tall, strong tree with branches that mean I can climb it -I hope anyway, there’s currently nettles everywhere and I didn’t wear my good boots.

I’m planning on heading back over there in the next couple of days in my other boots to test climbing the tree.

[lost-inthenight]

There’s a gnawing emptiness inside of me and I don’t know how to make it stop.

[lost-inthenight]

So, I also have ADHD inattentive type and I struggle a lot to keep things tidy- I have been trying sooo hard recently and still been getting overwhelmed by it.

I just found out my housemate has been getting annoyed by it and instead of talking to me- has just been leaving his stuff everywhere too which has made me more overwhelmed.

I have been trying to help him out because I thought he was struggling with it all too but to find out he’s been doing it purposefully to get to me? Wow.

[lost-inthenight]

Idk, I think sunsets just hit different when you want to die.

[lost-inthenight]

I miss exploring with you.

My walks are so sad without you.

[lost-inthenight]

This walk has unintentionally turned into looking for trees I can climb that are strong enough to use to kms.

I found the ideal one a while back, but it was where my friend found me which means he’d head straight there if he caught onto my plans- so I need a different tree that no one knows about.

[lost-inthenight]

I’m walking because I don’t know what the fuck else to do.

I’m sad and I’m so done, I’m trying to fight it all but each day simply highlights all the bullshit.

Fuck this.

[lost-inthenight]

I’ve been having a bad day for the past year now and I don’t know how much longer I can let it go on.

[lost-inthenight]

I can’t stop crying. I just want to die.

[lost-inthenight]

Fuck man, I’m just so sad.

I don’t want to do anything except drink and smoke😔

[lost-inthenight]

I’m so sad. I just want to cry and die.

[lost-inthenight]

Depression is such a bitter sweet thing,

So much from nothing it can bring.

Each day I plan my death,

Waiting for the day I can take my final breath.

I can’t do this anymore it’s so fucking heavy.

[lost-inthenight]

What if I'm someone, I don't want around?

[lost-inthenight]

I feel so disconnected from everything.

Are my memories real?

Wait, what happened?

Everything feels blurry and wobbly and I don’t feel real🙃

[lost-inthenight]

I pictured myself dead.

The comfort it gave me is uncomfortable.

[lost-inthenight]

I don’t mean to hurt anyone but somehow I still always end up hurting everyone.