kishusachan

[kishusachan]

Grief & Heart

Even after all, we are just random creatures living on this floating rock in a giant or infinite space. It astonishes me how sheer pressure a human heart can deal with. Where some people are being stabbed in and out multiple times throughout their journey of mere existence. Do the ones who stab feel the pain too?…

First Hypothesis She sits beneath the hanging tapestry of diamonds, and discourses to herself the first hypothesis, "possibly the ones who provide grief to others, were being given despair in the name of love too. I wish they would have broken the sadistic unbearable loop." Staring at the source of luminance hanging in the free space getting curtained by the cotton-like noir clouds, she asks herself, "So what could be the second reason?" Caressing her left palm, running thru all the palm lines that have not yet developed while she comes up with a second hypothesis Second Hypothesis "Or they do so for their sadistic pleasure…" She took a deep breath in the moment of discomfort. "It feels cruel to admit, but there is no other possible explanation until we take a paradoxical imaginary situation."

Conclusion Gazing at the eternal night sky she concludes her mirrorless self-talk, "Either they don't feel the others' pain or they enjoy feeling the others' pain." Only if those very strong hearts out there knew "When you're born in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. But it's not." this shall too pass With that, she puts a curtain over her starry eyes and slips into a world, a paradoxical world where it's only love and kindness.

-Kishu<3

6:14pm 12-11-24

[kishusachan]

A house turned into HOME <3

11-09-2024

THE VISIT Visited the same lane of houses where I didn't really grow up but did spend 11 years of my unnecessary life. From the 4-year-old who was filled up to the brim with Joy of coming to a new place to the teen who felt suffocating and lonely there, a house or to be precise 4 walls can definitely teach a way of life.

THE SUFFOCATION How well those bricked four walls felt like a jail, or as if they were eating me in and out (thoughts of that 12-year-old kid). "Am I always going to lead such a miserable life with no real friends in this house within the dark lane?", with a few shiny droplets of water.

THE ACCEPTANCE AND TRIES "Maybe I don't need anyone else to make me happy…" Asking my parents for a small study table so that I could make it pretty-pretty and decorate it with my paintings, it did work. The very specific spot on the extreme right of the terrace where little to no sunlight entered and a petit corner of the orange and green walled room with white ceilings where I put pink fairy lights to mark it as my happy little spot, they gradually became my favorite. The girl holding sunflowers, which I painted on the kitchen door so that my mom doesn't feel lonely while cooking or I never feel lonely with those 4 walls.

THE HAPPY PARTING Somewhere between everything I- I just fell in love with that one-roomed home. And I repeat 'Home' not house. Those 4 walls, a mirror, random craft hanging here and there, one almirah of my art stuff, and another having our clothes, I got attached to our little home, or maybe it was painfully gorgeous, until we decided to finally move out for betterment… (to be continued)

19:38pm

[kishusachan]

Window to Cold Breeze

10th May 2024,

And how can the breeze of wind reinforce a sense of nostalgia, not only to my mind but my skin feels the sensation too.

On a hot summer day, when I walked to the corner most room of the white-walled house and got a peek of the world on the other side through the vertical bars of the window.

The wind on this day wasn't really as hot as I could've imagined, but rather it felt cool. The moment it gently touched my face, I was reminded of those elementary school poems and the peaceful world I imagined as a kid. I heard the ear-pleasing sounds of birds. I saw two trees in front of me, grown huge, someone must have planted them long back ago. Their leaves made dangling sounds as if hundreds of bells rang at once. The branches of the tree were old and strong enough to hang a swing, I thought to myself... and a moment later I saw kids playing under the shade of a huge caretaker.

My hair swung in the air across my face and my hand wrote in running hand cursive using an old-fashioned fountain pen under the not-so-scorching light of the sun. And that was the moment I realized, it's time to get back to my world on this side.

[She took a glance and closed her diary, put the cap on the pen, shutting down the window of imagination and nostalgia, and went back to her world]

-Kishu :)

10:26 am

[kishusachan]

KINTSUGI✨🪞🏯

THE BROKEN PIECE OF MIRROR being put together patiently

Who was I? Oh… just a broken piece of mirror, Why would I ever be someone's dearer, I can never be someone's seeker, Afterall life has been bitter like liquor, but this grass turns out to be greener, oh, this glimmer, the sunshine looks like glitter, is this all real or a filter, someone loving me alongside the river, Don't you worry you'll drown?

GLUING THE PIECES creating an even stronger and more beautiful piece

Why does he love me so much.? even I don't know... but now I just crave a hand touch, I'll go with the flow, and show him how love grow(s).

APPLYING THE GOLD POWDER accepting one's emotions.

How I always felt like hiding things and feelings was the only key, even right now at some points if things get hard, I always felt hiding is the only way to be free, and then a random text from you which I see, I try to resist it all under the tree, but then a convo sparks with you and it all goes like wee...

WASHING EXCESS [removing unneeded things] Accepting one's imperfections and flaws

It's funny how I don't need to think twice, before speaking in front of you... my despise, my voice, my advice. and you listen to it all otherwise, and I couldn't believe. you prioritize, and it all just feels like a PARADISE.

ADMIRING YOUR HANDIWORK loving the person from depth of your heart

I know I haven't admired you, as long as you've admired me, but trust me, I'll love you more than you could think of it to be.

19-03-2024 with love from -Kishu♡

[kishusachan]

Paradox❄️✨

"She is a paradox. She is faithful and yet detached. She is committed and yet relaxed. She loves everyone, and yet no one. She is sociable but also a loner. She is gentle and yet tough. She is passionate but can also be platonic. In short, she is predictable in her unpredictability....♡" -Kishu♡ 10/09/22

[kishusachan]

DIL(LI)✨🩵❤️‍🩹

Na humari na tumhari

Dilli hai dilwaalon ki, Vaha ki vo bazaarein, Jinme shyd hum hi samaa gye. Han vo chandini chowk ke manzar, Jaha shaksh apne se badhe bojh uhtaaye, Unn Naa maatr gaaliyon me apni zindagi bitaaye. Hn sheher unn smaarakon ka, Mini India kehlane ka. Jama masjid ka mohabbat-e-sharbat ho, Ya hauz khas ki jagmagaati galiyan, Pr Jab Kaalima antargat hi ho..? Daryaganj se faqir Chand Tak, Aur ngma se Khan bazaar tak, Kya nahi milega yaha..? Kehte Hain sheher hai mohabbat ka, Pr shyd hume hi koi na Mila.. Dilli to jagmagaati hai, Pr bahuto ke Dil me andhera chod jaati hai, Vahi galiyan vahi sheher, sabke sath ek jesa bartaav nhi krti leher... ~Kishu 21/02/2024 (12:23am)

[kishusachan]

Smile while crying

"Do we even need to remember memories?", she gasped to herself. "More0ver I wish them to fade away in a gradual quiet manner but darn it Oh my atomic-sized yet majestic brain which can't take a moment off from noticing details, which can't forget even the slightest of acts. recollecting how my skin felt on that warm sunny day on 21st April 2023 when I went to the exhibition. How saddened I was on realizing I would never be able to sit on the same bench with my closest friend on the last day of 10th grade, and even more shook when I realized 'no one cares, all they hold is jealousy.' How I started my design journey on 8th March 2022 when I held my tears back because I finally knew what I wanted to do in the future. How I felt a little headache on that rainy mushy day, yet I was happiest because I finally entered into a different creative world which healed me more than I could even imagine. how that yellow summer day when most of them enjoy I just shivered holding my not-so-great thoughts about life and death on that one corner seat of class. how happy I was on the 4th of March 2023 when my mom allowed me to buy all those 30 books I chose. how I was the most excited person for scribble day and farewell once but now all I wish to be is alone, I wish to smile and cry at the same time." [ tears are like beautiful droplets of crystal-like water] 19:28pm 13-01-2024 -Kishu

[kishusachan]

Monochromatic painting in Rainbow frame❄️

It's slipping thru- my hands just like sand slips through the hourglass. Day by Day, I get a sensation as if it's vanishing into the realm of something unknown. The tickling hands of o'clock and mornings without alarms just don't feel the same nowadays. Intermittently, it feels as if I'm stuck in the monotonous yet weirdly- fancy reality of life. But there's still a lot to seek after all we call it the 'serene song of life'. Petit things still bring me identical joy, within the clouds of melancholy. Things such as gemstones on my hands, various ways people smile, retro cameras, old sculptures from the era of Michelangelo, and beauty of various topics such as topology. I wonder how well animals go with each other and for some forenoons, I just look forward to Maa calling me, and for night those sketching hours with music in my ears are enough to wash the dust away from my soul. Just like a monochromatic painting in a rainbow frame. And then writing everything I found myself sitting in solitude at the corner of the class, inwardly putting myself on the flower bed of nostalgia. I don't know if this is loneliness or solitude but for now, I enjoy it with a little ache in my chest, maybe the bygone burdens of melancholy are marking their homecoming with the drop in temperature. [she gasps to herself, keeps her pen back in her pocket close that physics notebook whose last page is bombarded with queer letters and sentences written in running hand cursive. She gazes around and looks at how her classmates are smiling and laughing and realizes, this all will be lost with time soon, and those faces will be blurred in memories.]

11:50am (during the lunch break) 23.11.23

("Monochromatic painting in a rainbow frame" represents the presence of a colorful and vibrant world beyond the monotony of everyday life. Signifying that even in the midst of the mundane, there is still beauty to be found, and that we should strive to seek it out and appreciate it. Just as a monochromatic painting can be transformed into something extraordinary with the addition of a colorful frame, our lives can be enriched by seeking out the beauty that lies just beyond our daily routines.)

~Kishu ♡

[kishusachan]

Catastrophic [Nightmare]

All these December songs I listen to and then, look at those vintage painting prints by Raja Ravi Varma I got from NGMA, bring my heart at ease but at the same time, make my inner self feel like it's amidst a blizzard trying to yell, still it can't [music playing: Lord Huron - The Night We Met (1:42)]. Drapery veiling me and my vividly painted canvases [Painting: the roar of emotions], those drapes possessing the same vintage color palette as painting prints. And unexpectedly o'clock seemed to slow down (I could hear the tick-tick of the needle). It all commences to make no sense and futurity (tomorrow) seems catastrophic. Cold feet, no slippers, hands in pain, yet scripting it all on the doorway again sharing the same vintage color. Coincidences are queer. An unmoving room, calm lyrics playing yet conceptions/ thoughts sailing on the boat, not even reaching the shore, can't take a minute off the sail and enjoy the view. Can't stop caring as if the whole futurity depends on the nearing dawn-to-darks [thought: or what if it really does?]. Every now and then, the serene song of life doesn't really seem serene, all I hope for now is that "nightmares better not turn into reality". I can't get a second chance in real life to save he...... [Alas! CATASTROPHIC]. -Kishu♡ 1:09am (2/12/23)

[kishusachan]

Ode of AUTUMN 🍁🍂🥀

"Which season is your favourite?"

Ummm.... It's autumn..and then spring and rain.

"But why autumn ?"

For other's it's season of gloominess, whereas for me it's a season of nostalgia. How I lighted up that first scented candle and putted up those fairy lights. Luminous yellow flame of candle and golden beaming fairy light. The slow approach of nature towards winter. A season of balanced equilibrium of temperature, how could I hate it.? The big, old dried trees with pale or no leafs, where the birds sing in serenity and unison. A season of slow songs, beige and red color palletes, white blankets, a season of self healing and watching those white-blue orchids going away, a season for readers and John Keats' poetry (The ode of nightingale) and for artist's marking their asymmetry.

Season of mists yet clear sunsets where sun dives into the pink ocean of sky. People call it fall, but autumn leaves don't fall, they fly. They take their time and wander on their only chance.

Stepped into my homeland and saw the crop swaying in pure tranquility. And hair of homemakers lifting up by the soothing winnowing wind. The only greif-stricken thingo being, I visited it dreaming. A bittersweet story.

Everyone sings the songs of spring, failing to remember, those dry leaves which remark a new start, everything that collapses, blooms into something even mesmerizing.

-Kishu ♡

1:07am (30/11/2023)

[kishusachan]

"THAT KNOWN STRANGER"

Well, not being that soul

who write for others,

still don't know what, brought me till here,

maybe I lost my control.

Never expected to get a gem

But accidentally got him

Like a known stranger

Sometimes felt I didn't deserved that

But then just quitely sat

Sometimes became insecure that,

You'll go and leave to somewhere nowhere,

Because I saw pretty people getting away this disappear,

But whenever I needed you,

You were always there,

That's how you drove me out of my fear.

Sometimes it's hard for me to see you

In all your cracked perfection

Tears shed when I see you sad

Repeating the fact

Not being that soul

Who write for others

Don't know what connection I felt with that non stranger which made me write this

I love you and it terrifies me I don't know what else to say if you saw my paradoxical creative mind you'd see...

-Kishu ♡

(with love)

13.09.22

[kishusachan]

What hurts the most

Her:

(Singing song)

What hurts the most

Is people can go

From people you know

To people you dont

Him: No it's not..!

What's hurts the most is when people intentionally do what affects you the most despite them knowing that you can't take'em

But still they never stop!

What hurts the most is when you pay the loyalty but you don't get it back!

What hurts the most is people forgetting the worth of yours as soon as they've got their mean!

...and in the end what hurts the most is you slowly watching yourself loosing but you can't do anything for yourself!

*You're clueless* edit- you can do something and that is to walk away from that story (30/11/2023)

🤍✨

[kishusachan]

Bygone burdens of melancholy are hitting back hard as nostalgia just not giving me contentment but Making me conscious nd even making me realizing the worth of it all In just a sudden!

It's probably a lil bit foolish to be honest but that seems even more nostalgic when I'm getting through it...

- Kishu ♡ & Anonymous

[kishusachan]

Metanoia ✨

3 stages of

Self complaining, accepting & consoling

There are moments when I just want to live life, as all we have is just this one life, which also not everyone gets. I'm definitely grateful to have it, but.... then the next moment I feel like what's even there in life. It just feels like a trap we all are in. Just like Life is a beautiful lie and death is a sad truth.

Every single day existing and some days living. Most of the time running behind some materialistic desires. Dealing with anxiety, panic attacks, sleepless nights, tears.... Every single day hoping things to get better soon.

And maybe that's the little hope that keeps me going on. That little ray of hope. The love I get, these peeps I'm grateful for, who care for me. Nature, those vintage books, fall and spring, Art which consoles my soul. There are kallos ( beautiful) points too which maybe I've visited or maybe not. But for the moment all i can say is:

This shall too pass & my past wasn't that best but i know my best is yet to come.

- Kishu ♡

1:37am

21 Oct 2022

[kishusachan]

Late night HOPES 🌿💌

She: Everyone is fighting Every single person He: Yesss true She: Some are fighting mentally Some physically Some emotionally Sabki alag stories h He:Kuch apne tak rakhte hai kuch share kar paate hai She: But it's so beautiful that everyone is together ✨ And sath me rehkar they even forget about their worse to worse situations And have those little snippet moments of laugh together 🤍 He: That's what life Teaches us still I appreciate those jo bravely apni mental health ke baare me bol paate hai They're literally so strong She: Yes it requires courage They're prone of getting hurt but they still speak - Kishu & Anonymous ♡ A snippet into the chat ☮️🌼

[kishusachan]

Heyy guys I'm a 13 year old girl and this is my first post on Tumblr 🖤🐼