jocanneverdecide

[jocanneverdecide]

Child of War

"take your war away from me" I said, and then I clung to it with my hands and my feet, still begging for it to let go. This war lives inside me; to separate myself from it is to deny my own existence. I am a child of war. I was born under skies lit up with missiles, my newborn cries muffled by the sound of bombs outside the hospital window. I know it like i know my mother's womb, because the first sound I heard upon arriving to this Godforsaken world was not that of the woman cradling me in her arms, but that of the enemy claiming my land the moment it became mine, holding my miniscule hand in promise that this war will never end, even if the missiles stop; it will sound at the back of my head as the first thing i have ever heard, it will keep mocking me, long as i exist, and taking away the things that were supposed to be mine like my hometown and the sacred garden of my grandparents' house, and all my favorite memories that float around, now forever lost, since the walls they lived in were turned into rubble and dust; like my mother's voice at birth and my father not being so far away, the day i was first brought to this earth. This war may have so many names, depending on the time and place, but don't be fooled, it has always been one and the same. "Take your war away from me", I said but the war is mine, I breathed it in with my first breath and it will stay in my veins till my death, it resides. "take your war away from me", I said but the war won't go until it ends or until I end, at the hands of it.

[jocanneverdecide]

this war left rubble inside my heart where my home is supposed to be and i am pretty sure nothing will ever be the same. I'll wait for you to say it's safe to go out. We could take your father's car and drive two hours until we find home. when we do we could hang out where we always did, you would buy me iced tea and an apple flavored sucker, like you always used to do. and if our spot is in rubbles now and your grandpa's old convenience store got shot down we can always take our bikes, go on top of our favorite hill to watch the sun set on our memories. I miss you, I hate this war. I miss you, I hope we'll get to meet again, where we both left our hearts, only once more.

[jocanneverdecide]

February sun ☀︎

when i found nothing else to live for, i started living for the better days. you know the ones. when you wake up and it feels just right. it's worth living for, these 5 minutes at the crack of dawn, when you find yourself caressed by the sun's soft touch, bathed in its rays. when you awake drenched in sunlight on a supposed winter day.

it might rain in an hour. heck it probably will, mid February and all. But February is a gentler month. it is gentler and in its wake it promises a lot. It promises so much. So much more than this.

[jocanneverdecide]

when ocean vuong said "i miss you more than i remember you" he, and i cant stress this enough, really really didn't have to.

[jocanneverdecide]

Someone asked what is love, hozier said lets fuck around and find out and wrote work song and I, carrion (Icarian). I have not been well ever since.

[jocanneverdecide]

― Ovid, Metamorphoses

[jocanneverdecide]

I really love the way they have written Sally and Percy’s relationship in the show. Sally being the mom of a neurodivergent kid and feeling like shes constantly failing. Her being isolated because she doesnt have anyone to talk to about this as a single parent. And she makes mistakes, she feels human. Then we have Percy feeling like a burden to his parent. He cant understand why none of his parents want him around even though its for his wellbeing. It’s so heartbreaking but so real.

[jocanneverdecide]

unpopular opinion, but as a noah kahan fan who discovered him through stick season, i dare say that as amazing and awesome and truly mind blowing the album is, it's almost put to shame by his older stuff. everyday i discover a different song from his older albums and my mind is just BLOWN like wow man what's that melody what's that pen game. like the whole cape elizabeth ep are you kidding?? still totally adore all 3 stick season albums tho down to every song.

[jocanneverdecide]

Percy calling Kronos grandpa 😭😭 and Sally being like 😐 no. My favourite son and mom duo fr

[jocanneverdecide]

so in the story of medusa, it's always said that Athena had turned her into 'medusa' because she had been jealous that Poseidon had not only graped her but also in her own temple, desecrating her sacred space.

now for those of you who didn't know, Medusa had been a worshiper of Athena, and had spent most of her time in the temple. but men had always followed her there for her beauty and begged to bed her and whatnot. Most say Athena was jealous. That she punished her after she got graped by Poseidon by giving her snakes who turned whatever man who looked at her into stone. Because how dare anyone be prettier and more charming than her right? She was mad that her own temple was not used to worship her more than to chase after medusa.

and that tale makes sense right? women are full of vengeance and jealousy, isn't that the truth?

or maybe it's what they want us to think. the way they want to instill this mentality in us, give this idea about women to the world. one of the rare women goddesses is only so full of hatred. but today i heard something that changed my entire perspective on this.

what if Athena was just trying to help medusa protect herself against the offense of men who only want her body and beauty and pay no mind to what she wants? what if she gave her this weapon of protection? Because would she ever really punish her for that?

because, even if she is a Goddess worth her title, What could she against the Olympian God Poseidon after all? not much I must guess.

What if we stop viewing womanhood from a man's eyes? This perspective is much closer to the true reality and identity of women, and i will stand by it till the day i die.

[jocanneverdecide]

I am not ashamed of this opinion

I think The Cadence of Part-time Poets is better than ATYD. I love both though.

[jocanneverdecide]

So real. So fucking real on the Tomny one

fine, if remus lupin isn't going to fall in love with any of his blond, working class love intrest, then I WILL.

*grabs tomny armstrong and grant chapman and walks away*

[jocanneverdecide]

Reading my journal and suddenly i come across

''I want to get what I keep wishing for because I know that the sky is full of stars, though none of them falls down when I look up, and i guess that's why my wishes rarely ever come true''

Girl what are you on-

[jocanneverdecide]

I need mutuals on here!!

So if you enjoy any of the following, follow me so we can be besties

. Music, any music I listen to anything (swifties, folk people aka hozier and Noah kahan and the lumineers, midwest emo, indie rock, soft aka cavetown, Ricky Montgomery etc...)

. Reading (literature, fanfics, booktok)

. Poetry

. Anime !!

. Marauders / harry potter fandoms

. Writing

.fantasy books

.mythology

(I'll edit this when i remember more stuff)

[jocanneverdecide]

[Marauders rant moment]

I hate the way this Fandom treats <young> Peter Pettigrew. It's so insufferable.

I absolutely live laugh love the boys, and i survive on the dopamine this Fandom gives me, but let's be real here, the marauders were just a bunch of insufferable popular teenage boys who spent their days causing chaos and were kind of these 'elite' students. If they were real and they had been with any of us in school, we would honestly just be so done with them and roll our eyes whenever they're braught up.

Peter was the black sheep of the group, ironically enough. He was the quiet one of a very loud bunch. And if the marauders were constantly erupting fireworks, Peter was nothing but the little 'pshhht' sound after the boom. He was not as attractive as they were, granted that James, remus and Sirius are portrayed as greek gods. He was not fit for the 'beauty standards' (im not gonna get into the fact that the Fandom collectively agreed to make him like this when they could've possibly, like they did many others, just alter his looks and make him more conventionally good looking, at the end of the day this fandom's main structure is perspective).

He and remus do share the same 'quiet kid' aspect, but whereas remus was given a background story and a tragic personality, Peter is always painted in a very one-dimensional way. In every single fanfic, he is either the bad guy, the homophobic guy, or just a background nuance.

Thing is, we could easily change that as a Fandom that does not have the word 'canon' in their dictionary, however we always chose to villanize him. And don't get me wrong, Peter does canonically become the villain, but no one is born bad. Villains are made by so many altering factors in their life.

All the other marauders got to date one of the girls at some point more or less (and depending on the fics) like the very popular sirius-Mary thing, obviously james-lily and sometimes even Remus-Marlene / past remus-lily. But no one ever gave Peter a second glance. Authors always 'invent' him girlfriends and OCs to date if they were kind enough to give him any sort of storyline at all.

Peter became a villain, yes, but he was once an innocent kid as any. He had a bright future ahead of him. He may have had hopes and dreams and secret crushes, and I hate to see that no one ever takes a second to consider it.

Peter is always faulted in fics for wanting a normal life. A normal job, a normal house in a normal place with a normal middle class life. He never was for all that explosive chaos. And everyone shamed him for it. Because sirius is a runaway with abusive parents, a very dark past and a rebellious soul, remus is a werewolf is a tragic past, no parents and absolutely nothing to lose, and James is a sunshine with a beautiful home life but a secretly crippling self esteem. Peter was just a simple boy from a simple household and trust me I couldn't tell you more because I wouldn't know. Nothing about him is clear. He's just always portrayed as a villain to be but this shouldn't be some kind of bridal shower. This is a boy who just wanted to be loved.

Maybe it's my savior complex talking, or the stick-up-for-the-underdog mentality I've got, but Peter deserved so much better than this.

There's this one fic (I didn't read it when I saw the 'petter Pettigrew is a bad person' tag) but the name really put me into perspective for a second. It's called ''the sun, the stars, the moon, and Peter''. How crushed i was when I read it.

I've always been a Pete apologist (not apologist for what he did, but more of an apologist for the person he was before he wasn't anymore.) And it just destroyed me.

In this fic there is a quote (i saw it in a tt video)

''James was always described as the sun, sirius was the stars, Remus was the moon. Where does that leave peter? He is like the meteors. Not important, but he can destroy all of them if he wants.'' CHILLS.

Tell me why do you think the betrayal hurt that much? Was it because Peter was just a background character in their lives or because he TRULY MEANT SOMETHING. to ALL of them?!?!?

Start thinking from this pov, and then build your fics, draw your fanarts (AND PLS INCLUDE HIM) and do whatever else you want.

Justice for Peter Pettigrew. He's human too.

[Edited]: I would like to make it clear that this isn't about Peter *in the marauders universe*. It's about how the fans portrait him. I'm only talking about the way authors of fics make him so one dimensional and give him no depth or plot line, and the way he is treated as a character.

I changed some of the things I've said in the rant, because someone did make me aware that i had offended them with what is said, and i sincerely hope this doesn't happen again.

[jocanneverdecide]

The song 'second chances' by Gregory Alan Isakov (for all my folk lovers) is such a soul healing song.

''I'm some sick hound, digging for bones, If it weren't for second chances we would all be alone.''

In tears. The fact that we're all granted second chances at life constantly whether we're aware of it or not is beautiful to me. Each of us had learned - the hard way - how to forgive, how to keep loving, how to give a second chance, and in return the universe granted us second chances aswell.

And if it weren't for that, we would all be alone.

[jocanneverdecide]

In one rks song (the song seven i guess) they say ''don't you ever feel like you ever wanted anything more Than everybody, anybody else'' and I do God I do so much