jesstiao - Tumblr blog

[jesstiao]

Dear San Francisco, this is a breakup letter.

Fifteen years ago, when I met you, I wanted more than anything to live in the city.

You could get lost in any neighborhood, walk for hours, and come home happy.

Old Victorians lined the streets. The parks. The views. The alleys of Little Italy led you to the bookshelves of City Lights Bookstore. On cold nights, you could run into a laundromat for a moment and bask in its gold hue.

Strangers would say hello or give you a warm smile. If you eavesdropped on a conversation at a cafe, they talked about the social factors of inequality and ideas on how to solve them.

As our relationship felt the years go by, things changed between us. I didn't mind it.

I was ready for the new decade. I was ready for 2020. Mother Nature had other ideas.

Don't go outside, they said. You will catch a deadly disease. Don't breathe the air. But, we need you to work.

As the pandemic hit the city, the skies turned orange.

George Floyd could not breathe. He could not breathe.

Asian-Americans felt the voice of hatred.

You brought the homeless, and the mentally ill to our doorstep. That's ok, I thought, they need a warm place to sleep. How are they meant to live in a city with sky-high rent and the sheer lack of livable wages?

As the days grew longer, I was consumed by work.

Our services support the COVID-19 Messaging Alert System. Lives depend on us. The world's communications depend on us, they said.

So we all worked.

Meetings all day, every day. Work at night. Work on the weekends.

My friends worked even longer hours.

We did what we could to bring joy to the house: we cooked food. We watched movies. We played board games.

Don't go outside, they said.

But, I needed space. I needed space to go outside. I needed space to rest.

I packed a bag, closed the door to Capp. I'll be back in a week.

But I didn't. I didn't want to come back.

I went home for a break in Los Angeles. My brother and I built a deck in the backyard. Then, Roger ordered chickens off the internet. He built a chicken coop. I painted the shed.

We tried to plant a roof garden -- it died. Don't grow a roof garden in Los Angeles.

We spent a small fortune at Anawalt & Co.

My mom watched as Roger and I built a sanctuary in the backyard. I tried my hand at gardening. Soil. Shovel. Gardening pots. Water. Packets of seeds. Plant cuttings.

Neighbors welcomed themselves to the backyard. It was coming to life with people, home-grown vegetables, and dogs tearing through the grass.

Meanwhile, I didn't think about you very much, San Francisco. But, I could feel the weight.

I outgrew you. I needed a quiet place with birds chirping. I needed tree-lined streets. I wanted to hear the wind rustle through the trees. I needed sunlight. I needed clean air. I wanted to walk home in peace.

You were exhausted, San Francisco; you were burnt out. You were tired. I was tired.

We grew apart.

I could not go back to you, San Francisco.

I flew back up to see you one last time. I packed up my room at Capp. I hired a moving company. I said goodbye to my roommates. I got on that plane.

It was great while it lasted: you helped me find a career I love. You introduced me to life-long friends. I could not be more grateful.

I miss bike rides at golden hour.

I miss Dolores and Golden Gate Park.

I miss camping in Mt. Tam. I miss biking through the redwoods at Samuel P. Taylor. I miss weekend mornings in Tahoe. I miss your cute cafes.

You are charming. You taught me how to thrive. You taught me how to think and critique society (maybe a bit too much ;) ). You showed me all the things. To you, I am grateful. Thank you.

Goodbye San Francisco,

Jessica Tiao

[jesstiao]

Olive

[jesstiao]

Summer biking in Venice beach + breakfast on the boardwalk

[jesstiao]

Summer Bucket List

Summer bucket list challenge: low-budget summer activities with minimal impact to the environment, enjoying local produce and culture. Doing it all with style, form, intention and a free-spirited swagger.

1. Sunbathe in Tilden at Lake Anza

2. Go peach picking at an East Bay farm

3. Read, sketch and nap in the San Francisco Botanical garden

bring a moleskin, pencils and watercolors

4. Buy a bike to relax and to commute 

5. Pismo beach

[jesstiao]

Moroccan Baked Eggs at Gjelina

[jesstiao]

Backyard dog, miss you.

[jesstiao]

n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate...

[jesstiao]

Bacon-infused quinoa, chard, rainbow carrots, avocado, sweet potato, fresh spring water cooked over a campfire built from Marin redwoods: Samuel P Taylor State Park in Marin. 5.11.2013

[jesstiao]

A glimpse of H3 during ‘Aiea loop. (at Aiea Loop Trail)

[jesstiao]

[jesstiao]

of Hawaiian Habits & Habitats

My ultra-creative friend Fritz and I visited our dearly missed friend Linda on a 4-day vacation in Hawaii after 6 months of Karl the fog and non-stop work. We tried our hand at making short films - about my first trip ever to Hawaii.

I needed this vacation after starting my first job and getting my first apartment in the Mission. It was also for my birthday. :)

[jesstiao]

Taking over Waikīkī

[jesstiao]

Camp on Mt. Tam

[jesstiao]

Saturday Morning Brunch:

eggs, beans, pineapple salsa, onions and avocado

Dogpatch, San Francisco, CA

[jesstiao]

A Walk Home in the Rain

Growing up, my brother picked me up after school everyday.

One rainy day, we missed the #12 Big Blue Bus, we walked home drenched by El Nino.  We were shivering, tired and cold.

Roger said, “Go take a hot shower.”

When I came out, he had the TV on, a plate of grilled cheese sandwich and soup ready for me. I was left alone to watch tv and eat as I pleased. He didn't even bug me about homework: it was my favorite rainy afternoon memory. 

The year I entered 5th grade, my brother went off to college, on the other side of the country in Maine.  

Without anyone to pick me up from school, I started to go home by myself. 

I spent a lot of time home by myself. When I think back, I'd like to think it inspired some creativity. But at that time it was a hard time when I had  dinosaur teeth and clothes that weren't warm enough.

Over the span of 13 years, my brother and I saw each other once or twice a year for the holidays. We were close, but time was the slow wedge that made a gap within our relationship. 

After graduating from college, I had a tumultuous year of unemployment and family obstacles that spun webs of disillusionment.

Fast forward to the new year of 2013; my brother and I share a work+live loft in the Dogpatch. I made my dream come true: to live in San Francisco. And, I realized that my life has come full circle: my brother drops me off at work in the morning. When I come home, he's home.

[jesstiao]

Fred Astaire, but not

SF, CA 

Summer 2010

[jesstiao]

Let it pour

Berkeley, CA

Winter 2010