jane-d-ankh-veos

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

Within a month, two FL fandom group projects seem to exclude me intentionally for unknown reasons. I'm quite used to this as *wearily waves at my bingo list of socially rejected stuff, queer and otherwise, always something if not everything*, and I'm already fine with truly heart-warming feedback that I've received outside of them... but this fact still adds even more (a little, but that's how it rises drop by drop to drown you) unwelcome contribution to my anxiety and depression.

Oh well, I'm off to seek emotional relief in SH2R then. Wonderfully distracts the brain from anything when played in headphones at night. (Yesterday electricity went out right at that moment, leaving me in complete darkness when I was halfway through the pitch-black streets after the Hospital, that was an awesome experience.)

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

Kindness to fragile things around you reminds of importance of showing the same kindness to fragile things inside you, I think.

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

Either the ping doesn't work or it was too early, I posted my costume at the very start of Hallowmas on 28th, I hope it still may count as a submission ^ω^

Oh and just fyi, i'm going to be away from the 12th to the 17th, so while Hallowmas technically ends on the 11th, i'll still be accepting submissions for a little while after as I wont be putting together the compilation right away 👍

-Prophet

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

That's just my usual morning, excuse me, where is the horror...

(Actually, superb recreation of nightmares about big apartment complexes and being lost in something so familiar. Very recognizable if you ever had them. Even the "find A to open B to get C to open D to take E" tedious gameplay adds to this specific feeling.)

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Yes, yes, this is a perfect example how to write characters with a distinct cultural identity! Not just mentioning it as a token information or outward image; truly making it a part of their story, of their life, of what had influenced them in various ways. So much better than "simply say so and throw in some inaccurate stereotype" in most media...

MotR should get more attention as a narrative game. It isn't flawless, it isn't big, but it distills its makers' long experience into some very good concentrates.

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

It's the season of masks, so guess what I'm replaying:

Virginia: nice human costume!

Griz: should perform the Highwayman's Song from Over The Garden Wall.

Harjit Singh and doctor Reid, I see what you're doing.

May: his merriness is his mask, no need for another 💔

Milton: 😛

(And I wonder if St Algernon from the recent ES in FL means that this little guy has been canonized, or simply the same Keyes reference)

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

For Hallowmas: my Nocturnal Nostalgist, donning the Masque of the Red Death – perfect for attending without invitations, especially the Red-and-Gold Gala at the Royal Bethlehem Hotel with its unreality-within-reality fitting this reference-within-reference. (I have a whole fic about that, yes.)

The beautiful advertisment of @neathyfashioncoalition encouraged me to finally draw it.

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

Ah, here's where I've left my résumé.

"Elizabeth Barrett Browning from Aurora Leigh, 1856" - x

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

Living in the Neath is what my character does to cope. Eldritch horrors seem almost comforting in comparison to harsher society and constant worries of survival on the Surface. Just being allowed to be oneself already does wonders for mental wellbeing. And the Royal Beth makes it even better: sleep, food, warmth, company of a talking white cat – all the basic needs, also crucial for recovery. Occasionally getting lost in endless non-euclidean hallways and meeting the gaze of eyes in the walls is such a small price for this newfound happiness...

It's almost impossible to make it out unscathed when it comes to living in the Neath, and not everything can be fixed with just a cuppa and a stint in the Beth (for given value of "fixed" when the Beth is involved). For all the strange things your characters have gone through, what are some strange things they do to cope?

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This month's ES 💔😭

"How about a fancy party?" – "Not now, dear, I'll be in the sewers, hugging every Neathy rat and crying"

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"The art of kintsugi" (222 words, Dame Aylin/Isobel)

Just couldn't get it out of my head:

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My "look, a comet!" was waved off as uninteresting. Made me think. On the one hand, I am, too, uninterested in many things like its periodicity and which observatory discovered it first. On the other hand, I simply can't fathom how it's possible to feel absolutely nothing when looking at space – at its insane distances, and terrifying sheer scale of its objects that you can however grasp with your own eyes from this far, and how incredibly ancient it all is, and simply beautiful (but not really "simply", because it's a reminder that we, despite being so small, have a unique superpower to experience this world in ways that even these billions-years-old giants aren't able to).

Yes, we are focused on everyday worries and hard work and survival, often not having time to let ourselves be distracted by anything else. But I think finding at least a moment is worth it. When perception expands beyond this cage, its walls' pressure is pushed a bit farther away. If even stars aren't eternal, surely hard times won't last forever. If this scary cold darkness is so vast and omnipresent, then mind and life are truly miraculous and precious, including yours.

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

I like this flashmob, let's try:

If you choose the cedar-scented letter: reflect it in a mirror at night, and you'll be able to read what seems to be seditious conspiring. Of course, if you're brave enough, because it's already disturbing as it is and gives a feeling of being watched.

If you choose a lamp-kitten: you won't escape a lengthy instruction how to take good care of it.

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My FL character: "Black wings! With eyes! And mentions of Piranesi! Oh, looks like an ally! I'll save you, beautiful creature!"

My FL character: "...Oh no, you're a servant of light though, aren't you? And the Forge and Logoi are from the kingdom of definitely not a friend of mine... in fact, my archnemesis..."

The Prisoner: "Please, will you help me change? Edit two of my memories, no less and no more. Only two."

My FL character: "Well... after all, May encouraged me to use the arts of the mind and to provide psychological help to anyone who needs it..."

May, whispering behind a three/four/eight/whatever-fingered hand: "Also I was the one who taught her to count."

(Results: I chose one, and cheered for another player to remove all three. No regrets.)

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

Pathologic 3, but wait, that makes it Мор 2... And then, I guess, Pathologic Begins, Pathologic Returns, etc.? 😁

On a serious note, though, I'm happy and it looks amazing! ❤️

[jane-d-ankh-veos]

My cat at 4 in the morning:

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Fuck, man. Neurodivergent love. I’m never going to get over it. Depression love says “I will do my best to stay for you.” DID/OSDD love says “Every face of this brain is endeared to you.” Autism love says “I will do anything to reach you, to give you the understanding I never got.” BPD love says “You are a vital organ of mine, and I am one of yours.” Bipolar love says “Wherever I may go, I will come back to you.” Post-traumatic love says “I will always show you gentleness in this reckless world.” ADHD love says “I will try for you, no matter the obstacle.” Anxiety love says “You are my safe space and I am yours.” ASPD love says “I choose to, on purpose, for you.” OCD love says “I will stand guard for you.” Neurodivergent love. Neurodivergent love. Different brains in love, oh my G-d. These colors are uncountable and they are my religion.