heyitsanibae

[heyitsanibae]

What if Beyoncé knew the justice league’s secret identities???

HEAR ME OUT!!! Pls I swear I’m going somewhere with this!

Me and a friend were talking about Beyoncé and we got on the topic of how she’s always giving gifts and flowers to celebrities and then she brought up how she recently got some for coco jones (?maybe? Don’t quote me) and coco posted it with a caption that was like “Beyoncé how you get my address come over girl!”

So I started thinking like since they’re technically celebrities what if everytime one of the league members has some big thing happen they just come home to a little gift from Beyoncé. Signed with their hero name and everything! At first everyone is hella suspicious but she just never does anything besides sends gifts and makes music so eventually everyone lets it go….except Bruce and Tim of course.

Idk I just find the idea of her being a security threat to heros hilarious. They’re scrambling and she’s probably somewhere scrap booking without a care in the world.

[heyitsanibae]

Batsis and Batfam as things me and my friends have said (ft. The Justice League)

———

Clark: is your dad really okay with me taking y’all to the piercing shop?

Jason and Batsis: *nodding*

Bruce pulls into the parking lot on two fuckin wheels: GET YALL BADASSES IN THIS MF CAR NOW!!!

———

Bruce: I’d make a good wife! I know how to cook and clean and stuff

Alfred: you almost burned the house down cuz you forgot to put water in your noodles…

———

Batsis: and so like I told her I I was done hearing her relationship problems. That was the 5th time she took him back I’m not dealing with it anymore and she’s calling me a bad friend

Clark: no your feelings are completely valid cuz I can only imagine how draining that can be for you

Barry: fuck her. Shawty can choke slowly

Diana: hope he gets the next bitch pregnant and she’s forced to take care of it

———

Damian coming in mad after a long day at school: tell me why-

Everyone: *scrambling to get a seat somewhere*

———

Tim:….

Batsis:…

Dick: Aw my lil gay ass babies! My lil fruity pebbles!

[heyitsanibae]

Batmom and Bruce as things me and my exes have said to each other

———

Bruce: if you were driving us somewhere and jerked the car off the road I’d be okay with that

Batmom:

Bruce:

Batmom: you’re not gonna fight for your life?!

———

Batmom:….I wanna get pregnant

Bruce: we’re at prom?????

———

Bruce: I love you so much that if I were president I’d make it a law that people have to like you and if they didn’t I’d take away their citizenship and have the secret service handle them

Batmom: that was really specific and out there. How much sleep have you had today babe?

Bruce: none!

———

Batmom: oh no! If only I had a big strong man to pick up this chair for me…

Bruce: me right?

———

Bruce: fuck them kids

Batmom: shut the fuck up! you just sat and planned our future baby shower with me

[heyitsanibae]

Batsis and Batfam as things me and my friends have said

———

Tim interrupting girls night on FaceTime: hey can I-

Batsis: aht this is girls night ask someone else before I give the phone to Steph

Tim: but I ne-

Steph: thiS IS GIRLS NIGHT GET OFF THE PHONE UGLY!!!

Steph: *hangs up*

Steph:….so who wants Taco Bell?!

———

Batsis: *practicing asl alphabet*

Dick: are you throwing up gang signs?

Cass: alphabet mafia running the streets

———

Damian probably after some kid at school touched him: …….that white man tried to extract my essence

———

Batsis recording Damian: he’s biracial… he’s a biracial booooy

Damian: and you’re a dumbass…you’re a dumbass biiitch

———

Bruce just sick and tired of batsis: I don’t even know why I bother?

Batsis drunk: give it up! It’s me! I win! You lose! Ahahah oh shi

Jason waking up: Onika Tanya?

———

Tim: no dick is worth this much stress…….but I love me a challenge bitch!!!

———

Steph trying to play pool: this is nothing like iMessage games!

———

Jason: would you judge me if I started sleeping with someone that has a criminal record and active warrants lemme know now

[heyitsanibae]

Batsis and Batfam as things me and my friends have said

———

Batsis: omg I’m so happy for you two!

Barbara: you told me to leave Dick at least once a day…

———

Jason: damn…gas high as hell these days

Batsis: right?! why my dealer charging me $60 now???

Jason: calm down rue I meant the shit for my car

———

Bruce: when I was growing up we didn’t deal with this

Duke: didn’t y’all have the Great Depression???

Batsis: no stupid!!! he was ‘round when mlk was marching!

Bruce:……..how old do y’all think I am and be honest

———

Damian: *describing in detail what he wished he could’ve done to someone he doesn’t like*

Dick: my brother in christ you’re scaring the hoes

Damian: what hoes?

Batsis pointing to her and Dick: us!!! we the hoes!!!

———

Batsis: so I’m in class and why this dude take over the group project? didn’t let me or the other girl put in any input at all!

Tim: baby. don’t ask what you can do for misogyny, ask what misogyny can do for you

Duke snapping like he’s at a poetry slam: words to live by

[heyitsanibae]

Batsis and Batfam as things me and my friends have said

Imma try to remember to edit this when I’m off mobile 🙄

———

Batsis: look Im sorry to kill the vibes rn but as a feminist I just can’t go through with this

Joker holding a gun to her head: no I get it!

———

Dick: and you add the morsels

Batsis and Jason: …

Dick: what?

Jason: just say chocolate chips bro

Batsis: when you say it it just sounds like a slur against them

———

Tim: oh hey-

Batsis: look you been movin real fruity lately and ion know if I’m fuckin with that

Tim: …

Batsis: …

Tim: girl you just finished makin out with some random chick?!?!

———

Bruce: you need to fix your eating habits

Batsis: as a white man…why would you say that to me?

Bruce: please don’t start th-

Duke: oh so now you silencing black women???

———

Batsis: yuh me and my bestie! take a shot sista!

Cass: but my antidepressants

Batsis: girl you fucked up but I’m tryna get you fucked up!

———

Damian: I don’t like you bruh get off

Batsis laying on him: push me off and imma pull a gone girl

Damian: …

Batsis: yeah now hold me tight!

———

Bruce: excuse me ladies

Batsis: y’all so cute together

Selina: Aw thank y-

Batsis: would be a shame if he turned out to be a fuck boi :)