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I'M BACK FROM BURNOUT HELL

also if this isnt the best I'm sorry I a little rusty but other than that I locked the fuck in.

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This is a very late B-day cake I made for my girlfriend @jeroto! Even went out and picked fresh strawberries for it yesterday. I purposely arranged the strawberries to look like a bunny.

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So I just got bullied by my girlfriend and othe likodot members into sending my therapist Halo after she asked about reading it. I infodumped to hard about the symbolism, themes and nuances a little too hard. Man...

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Incredible I love it! (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。

Went a little over time but I drew fanart for my partner's Halo series, by @gimgerrat! Posing is hard

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I'M BACK! I'm also dying(sick) anyway new 60min fic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65243011

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Ok, so I'm a little late to the analysis party for Ave mujica, but I really need to ramble about one of my favorite characters. Nyamu in my opinion has some of the best writing I've seen in a long time, and it makes me a little insane. Which is saying something as we also have characters like Uika and Mutsumi. The funny thing is that Nyamu isn't one of my blorbos I just really love her.

Anyway, Nyamu is a very complex character that has so much to her that it's nearly impossible for me to go over everything. Nyamu as we know her doesn't change all that much over the course of the series, staying relatively true to herself. She's competitive, abrasive, selfish, unagreeable, and goal oriented. These things do not change about her, and that is what makes her so compelling to me. However, what does change is what her goals are and the means/lengths she will go to achieve them.

At first, Nyamu would do anything to achieve her goals, blatantly going against the advice of Sakiko with the unmasking of the band members so she could get clout from the fame. Later on in the series, Nyamu's approach changes, mainly due to Mutsumi/Mortis. She's both insanely jealous of and admire them. She's aware of the advantage that they have in the acting industry due to their connections with their parents and the fact she's "naturally" gifted at acting. Something she wants for herself, yet she declines Minami's recommendation. Nyamu a selfish and self-serving character who would do anything for her goals DECLINES a once in a lifetime offer from someone who has the power to make and break her career. It's everything she could ever hope for, and yet she doesn't jump at the chance like she did before. Why?

It's simply because that she wants to topple the giants herself. There's a proverb that is often used in reference to Nyamu a lot, Trampled wheat grows straighter and taller. Nyamu is the wheat being stepped on by Minami, Mutsumi, and Mortis. She at this point seems to feel like she wants to earn her place on her own. I think that Nyamu seeing Mortis with her connections and "natural" talent being handed to her in her eyes on a silver platter. And she essentially wants to prove that she is better, that she worked so hard to get where she's at, and that she did it on SKILL alone. Nyamu is headstrong like that. Another thing that lead me to this conclusion is when Minami states, "Being around that child all the time makes me feel miserable. A monster" Nyamu later reacts with "I really hate it" when reminiscing on it. This is partially self-loathing and part if Mutsumi/Mortis can achieve that level of acting then it must be possible for her too, and she wants to prove it. She wants to surpass the people who she admires the most. To her, Minami comparing her child to a monster is her saying it's impossible and shows that she's given up on being better, that like her declining the offer, shows that she's as much of a coward as she is but unlike her, she's going to face it.

Now, it wouldn't be a Nyamu analysis without episode 10s confession scene.

This scene is so telling for so many reasons, for one it shows while Minami is scared of her daughter Nyamu is not. "I just can't take my eyes off you," is her, acknowledging Mortis for her skills and talents. Nyamu is acknowledging her own skill level to Mortis' and is basically saying that I am going to reach you one day, but right now I see you.

Another thing I would like to point out is just how softly Nyamu says I love you, it almost feels uncharacteristic of her, but it somehow feels like the most sincere thing she's said yet. Almost like she's dropping her facade, her mask, for a moment just to drive home how serious she is. It's also emblematic to the parallels that they both share. Mitusmi, Mortis, and Nyamu all act/mask as a way to survive. This does not mean they are not true to themselves while masking/acting they are, and are doing so in service to their interests. And just like how Mortis drops the act when Nyamu points it out, unafraid to bare the fangs of her truest self, Nyamu lets her own act slip. Even if it's just for a moment, she feels comfortable or at the very least respects Mortis enough to show her. Nyamu is unafraid just as much as she is scared. This moment feels as sacred as it is curated. Right after she drops the mask, she puts it right back on and continuing the act, and so does Mortis to an extent. They both now can see right through each other. This declaration is saying we are equals, even if the difference between us is still great. Their feelings are laid bare not for an audience to see but just for them.

Anyway, I just really love Nyamu as a character as well as her dynamic with Mutsumi/Mortis. I defentily didn't go over everything about her character as there is a lot more nuance that I either didn't see or can't articulate.

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current fan creation landscape is kinda like if you went to a party with a homemade cake and everyone takes a slice and silently thumbs up at you with no attempt to start a conversation except for occasionally some guy sits in the corner with a tape recorder critiquing the cake as though he was a restaurant critic and another guy is handing the cake to an uber driver like "yeah i need you to find a restaurant that makes cake like this so i can have more of it" and the only person that's talked to you in 30 minutes is a very sweet little guy who was like "hey i liked your cake" and then ran away apologizing for bothering you the moment you said thank you.

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I should probably be writing down the random ass dreams I have. I dream a lot and remember them quite frequently. They more often than not have to do with horizons because I lucid dream and can control them but there are cases where I don't like last nights dream.

So in this dream there was this lovesick check and no joke my answer was along the lines of "my throat is parched having known no days of water trekking the hottest days of this accursed desert. I long to hold, leap, to let my lips linger on the women whos heart is cherished most dear. There is no stretch of land, sea to weather, cold to bare that would keep me from finding her."

Mind you within the context of my mind every one else was normal wearing modern clothing and talking normal but my sleepy brain was like 'I'm so down bad that I'm gonna turn into Victorian poet for second' then I dreamed about train right after. Like those old trains in the mid to late 1800s those trains. Idk why. But I thought what if Liko and Dot met on specifically those trains in that time period and fell in love. No idea how that would work as an au perhaps wild west idk. Thought itd be neat tho.

Anyway I'm rambling BYEEEEEE!

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/64448794

60min LKDT!!!!! YIPPEE my body is exploding yay... I'm fine probably...

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WAKE UP PEOPLE HALO CHAPTER 2 TODAY!!!!!!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61262272/chapters/165206704

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So this is really old but

This is so funny to me because I had no idea this rock existed until he told me after he read that section. So shout out to my friend for this Discovery. Anyway I hungout with him and some other friends yesterday and guess what ew both bought.

Yeah we both got yopperlite for me its because of halo and for him it because it's an important to his life and where he comes from. So really cool stuff.

Btw the black light pic doesn't show all the florescent spot so it's a lot prettier in person.i choose it because it looks like stars!

Ok Mini Yap session over

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63689752

WOO Another 60min AND ITS DANCING HEHHEHEHHEHEHE!

I love likodot dancing, I'm actually insane about it. Even moreso when its angel liko au. Yippee! and its also a sequel to caged dove so thats fun.

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@ angela_occupied over on twitter: https://x.com/angela_occupied made a really cool angel Liko art work! That I'd like to share!

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/63305305

Second likodot fic this week so hopefully I'm getting back in touch with my writings.

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This is honestly so adorable, hehehhhe it brings me much joy!

Royuha!

Inspired by a conversation I had in the Likodot discord with @gimgerrat

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What is the moon without her stars.

Happy valentines day!

I've been going through a bout of writers block that's bugging me the past week. I'm trying not to let it get to me but the last time I burned out it stretched for 2 years. So I'm genuinely terrified of losing my love art and writing. Anyway since I've been unable to work on halo in writing I decided to paint a scene from it.

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It's been so long since I've written lyrics, about 4 years, so I'm extremely rusty. Fun tho even if it isn't much of a fic. I'll might post my songwriting notes/process later.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62696830