feelingdeadandshitty

[feelingdeadandshitty]

so... I ended up not doing anything related to what I wanted to post for fun here, at least, so far. However, I do wanna randomly rant for a sec and see if anyone in the void sorta gets it, ya know?

I've started college (freshman yr) and... idk? I'm pondering on how idk how tf to make friends? I've mentioned this to friends from middle and highschool, but I've noticed the pattern of me not making friends on my own, but rather having other people, for whatever reason, approach ME first.

I have TALKED to people in some of my classes this sem, but I see other freshman easily able to make friends. It's sorta difficult because I live off-campus and don't have a driver's license, so one of my parents have to pick me up instead (some bs visa stuff ig, long story there lol), but I don't have irl friends here.

I'm wondering if I have the capacity of even making the first step, especially since I seem to suffer from social anxiety (never formally diagnosed, but idk what else it could be tbh). Is this a common feeling? Why do I have to feel this way? Wtf is wrong with me?

AnywayS-

I'll probably do stuff here and there, but eh-

[feelingdeadandshitty]

How does one even write things? Like, yes, I got a B in my finals for AS level EL, but like, I winged the hell outta that shit. I don't know how writing stuff works-

[feelingdeadandshitty]

I'm not part of the aro or ace community by any means (I'm bi tho :33), but I keep getting these posts about them, and maN, I just wanna say that no matter what a-holes say about you, you are just as valid as any other person in the community, love y'all ace ppl 💛💛

[feelingdeadandshitty]

uH, HI

So, idk if I'm actually gonna post often, like yesterday's random rant was surprising to me too y'all. I do plan on doing things, but again, I'm sorta stupid when it comes to this lol, so like help?? Y'all got suggestions on what I should do?

Like, I've got two MHA OCS (who I mostly draw) and I have some stories that I wanted to write, though they're not great. I feel like maybe if I do it here, I might actually have the motivation to make progress? IDK how my brain works, we'll see. Again, pls give ideas if you find this post in the wormhole known as Tumblr-

[feelingdeadandshitty]

So I did a thing (extra rare)

I ended up moving to the US for college, so I watched some fucking movies during my flights (so fun!!). I legit texted my friends the same things about these movies, but like, who tf cares actually, right???

First plane: Frankenstein theme apparently cause after watching the first movie, my brain went, "heY, how funny would it be to watch another movie with this specific aspects in commoN, but the vibes are COMPLETELY different?" 1. Poor Things: uH it was interesting, though there was a ton of sex lol, which I either skipped or spaced out during cause I wasn't interested in that, though I get why they put it. This specific movie left me sorta conflicted since it's interesting to see a character like Bella gain her independence through the course of the story due to her mental age rapidly changing from infant to adult woman and gaining experience through exploring the outside world. However, I also see how the "born-sexy yesterday" troupe can be used to describe her, even though the point of the movie was for her to find herself sexually and intellectually. Most of the men in the movie, even her father figure, who implanted the infant brain in her, has referred to wanting sexual relations (her father/creator does say it as a passing comment) or sexually takes advantage of her (Mark Ruffalo's character legit "touchs" her within a minute of meeting her cause of his rakeish nature) and the original person's whose body she's in's husband is one of the people of all time 🤠. However, that was probably part of the point to show her discovering herself. Maybe her father's assistant "Max" was the most chill outta them, but I feel like I'm missing something about him idk. Overall, it was a polarizing movie, but unless most ppl who either loved or hated this movie, I'm somewhere in the middle. 2. Lisa Frankenstein: Lisa Frankenstein was just a fun movie, like it didn't take itself seriously plus Cole Sprouse being the love interest working better since he has to keep his yap shut for most of the movie until the last scene is so funny to me. The main girl is really good at being the lead of campy horror, like her delivery is really good man - and I probably should watch more movies she's in- Second plane: pride month mF / Rachel Sennott IS the theme actually- 3. Bottoms: insane as fuck, like maN, I can't begin to explain it, like whoA- uH, comedy of the fucking century, the one liners and fucking HAZEL JESUS IM GAY 😭 4. Shiva Baby: anxiety the movie fr, like brUH?? Rachel's character kept making mistake after mistake but people always asking her to do stuff within the movie at random points and her using them them as ways to escape consequences temporary is jusT- not her sending her nudes to the guY when his WIFE and BABY were there and when his wife found out, OHHHHH BOYYYY, not her forcing Rachel's character to hold the baby when she was basically the side chick (which she didn't know about until that day, but still continued, but I support women's wrongs iG 🤷‍♀️) and the gAYS in the CAR, I will take that hand holding at the end as a happy ending fuck EVERYTHING-

[feelingdeadandshitty]

its not a trend