fairymoe

[fairymoe]

Fall in love with your friends😍 not the one random dude you met on tinder who only wants u for sex one night then ghosts you until he gets horny again 😒

btw dating sucks as a concept.

[fairymoe]

So my question is:

Who’s gonna scoop up these delectable earring cuffs before they’re long gone?

Original design! No ear irritation! Can carry more weight than a typical earring without strain to the ear! One size fits most! Unique and handmade!

Why would you let these more-comfortable-more-versatile substitutes to the traditional earring go past without at least stopping to check them out?😊

[fairymoe]

NEW MUSHROOM PRIDE SWAPPABLE MIX N MATCH CHARM EARRINGS!! Go check out the listing 🤟🤟🤟

First 3 people who are interested should message me on Etsy for a potential discount 😱👀

(Created with hypoallergenic fish style earring hooks, lead free, nickel free, 3 inch drop earrings available in 11 COLORS and with copper Color or silver highlights! The charms are attached via 11mm lobster clasps, meaning potentially, you could have a different set of earrings every single day by swapping the charms on the hoop bases without having to buy a bunch of different pairs - money saver!)

Go check out the listing!😋😋😋

[fairymoe]

HAPPY HAPPY PRIDE EVERYBODY!

Let me introduce myself:

My name is mosie/moe, I am trans and nonbinary, I am Autistic and I have ADHD. I am a university student. And a small business owner! Most of all, I am truly happy.

In a world like this one, it is such a beautiful act of resistance to be happy as a queer person, as a disabled person, as a trans person, as a marginalized person loving and learning to be happy with and comfortable with yourself and the life you are living., and creating for yourself.

Thank you for existing, if you see this.

For those of you in a dark place at this hour of celebration, you are always welcome at my table, regardless of what adjectives describe you.

WE WILL RESIST

I feel filled with unadulterated trans queer joy today, and I wanted to share❤️❤️❤️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🌈🌈🌈

The pieces of Jewlery featured here all can be found on my Etsy at the link here:

[fairymoe]

Ok wish list added!!!

making some houseplants 🪴

available here

[fairymoe]

Beautiful handmade crochet work right here folks! Go give it an inspection!

Some of my work:

Another balloon dog ready to go! I accidentally made this one cause I got an order I thought I was out. If you’d like to adopt this cutie you can visit my Etsy and I will try to get them on their way home tomorrow.🌈✨

☁️⋆˙✧☁️⋆˙✧☁️⋆˙✧☁️⋆˙✧☁️⋆˙✧☁️

[fairymoe]

So so cute!!

I made a few new additions to my Etsy! These little guys are so cute and soft and the perfect size to take with you or to put on your desk as a little pet! What colors do you think you would want them in?

[fairymoe]

https://sonofastitchbymosie.etsy.com

[fairymoe]

Goals

20 years of sketchbooks

[fairymoe]

OK maybe this doesn’t make sense but I am simultaneously the coolest kindest most considerate most beautiful and loving person I know and somehow also one of the most unforgiving, cruel, flawed and frustrating person i have ever known.

My own duality is mirrored in the way I treat other people versus how I treat myself - as a person who has experienced the amount of trauma that I have, I figured out pretty early on in life that I must cater to other peoples needs first and foremost before attending to any of my own, in order to stay safe and secure - basically, I’m a people pleaser because I have witnessed and internalized the extreme reactions of my abusers to when I *wasn’t* actively trying to cater to their needs.

What this entails for me is that I am hypervigilant and hyper aware of everybody around me while also repressing my own needs, ignoring my body’s signals and cues, and essentially putting myself at the bottom of my list of priorities. I dissociate frequently. My brain and body have figured out that it is easier to function when I am completely numb to the perpetual discomfort/pain emotionally, mentally and physically that I endure every day.

I tend to shut down opportunities for challenging the the fixed neural pathways and cognitive patterns that are a result of growing up as a child while developing CPTSD. My experience of trauma is fundamentally different than maybe someone who had a healthy stable life and home environment for the first 20 years of their life, then had something traumatic happen to them - in that case they at least have a healthy foundation to try to rebuild themselves on post-trauma…. But that’s not how it is for me. Because I was experiencing violence in all of its forms from the very second I was born, I never had the opportunity to even picture what a healthy home environment would look like. The fundamental childhood development of my brain and nervous system was severely compromised, to the point where my “true” self and my “traumatized” self were completely indistinguishable, like a pile of different yarns that hasn’t been tended to and becomes a tied up into a clump of knots that seems impossible to untangle… Inseparable am I from the experiences I’ve had - the fabric of my being has been woven with barbed wire. The growth part of this whole mess entails me trying to untangle that pile of yarn which sounds like a straightforward task in theory…. But if you’re a crafter like me, you probably know just how frustrating it gets when you have to untangle that pile of knots… you just want to throw the whole thing away and start over. That would be dandy, except for the fact that I am in fact not a pile of yarn, but a complex human being who can’t just start my life over without the trauma. That’s not how it works. I’ve got my baggage, and even when i try to leave it on the curb to try to get rid of it, it always finds its way back to me.

And so, it is trying to decipher which parts of myself I would like to grow on, which suitcase of experience I would like to open and work through, that becomes the work. Baby steps. It is about learning to accept that I am fundamentally different from many of my peers, and that going about my life is a typical fashion is not actually compatable with my needs, as much as I’d like it to be.

[fairymoe]

"I love you , I'm glad we're friends"

[fairymoe]

Every now and again in the midst of the never ending crisis my life seems to be becoming, i catch a glimpse of a moment where i feel just lighter and not exactly happy??? But like. Just like i have less darkness and heaviness about me… and i think to myself, “is this it? How it’s supposed to feel like? This is what non traumatized non mentally ill people feel like?”

And yea….

[fairymoe]

Explaining a bit of my autistic experience and frustration

Today I feel exasperated, and nothing has even really happened! Nothing except feeling like an outcast who can’t talk about their experience because I know I won’t be understood. Basically, I feel very frustrated about how I feel it is unsafe and unacceptable to talk about my experience as an undiagnosed autistic individual in the ways that feel most authentic to me. I feel completely over having to “soften the blow” for neurotypical people, especially my family, when I talk about my autism. I'm done using the words such as, “I suspect I'm autistic.”, or “I self-identify as neurodivergent.” It's like, no, I don’t just *think* I’m autistic, I KNOW I am autistic. I am not delusional or manic. Call it aspergers, or mild autism if you want, I don’t care. I just want to be able to express what is true for me, to be allowed, after hours of research poured into what autism looks like for late diagnosed female people, to use the label that I feel fits me the best without feeling ashamed or like it will ostracize me or lead to criticism. I just want to be able to put the appropriate label to the experiences that make up who I am, to validate myself that I’m not “weird” or “annoying”- two of the many labels OTHER people have given me in my life to explain their understanding of my neurodivergence.

I feel like there is this very common sort of bias around the idea that you shouldn't say you're autistic until you get a diagnosis. I understand that this thought exists in many other families like mine. Because of fear mongering, misrepresentation and hate, autism is seen as a “scary diagnosis” for a lot of people due to the stigmatizing beliefs so many people hold, believe, and have been taught about the disorder. Another factor is often disbelief, because most autistic people in tv and the media all fit into 2 very particular niches - firstly, the “low functioning” autistic child who is frequently portrayed either having a loud and outwardly expressed meltdown and wearing noise canceling headphones, and secondly the white male savant/ socially awkward genius working as a doctor or other highly specialized professional. The vast majority of autistic people do not fit into these categories, and so if you don’t have a person with an autism diagnosis in your family it is very easy to miss the signs of autism, especially in children like the child I was - traumatized, and living in very dangerous situations where learning to mask any signs of difference or peculiarity was essential for both your literal physical and social survival. 

I think it’s strange that most of the people in my family wouldn’t trust my judgment about my OWN EXPERIENCE if I told them the label I used to describe it was “autistic”. I mean, what about all the other things I had a pre-sense about before I was diagnosed? What about my depression? I knew I was depressed before I was diagnosed with depression. I knew I was extremely anxious and probably had an anxiety disorder before I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety. I highly suspected that I was bipolar and had been doing so much research about it just a few months before I was admitted to hospital for a serious manic episode and diagnosed. So why is autism different? I have been researching autism since I was 15, and even during that manic episode I was insisting that I was autistic, and everyone told me I was delusional - But I was just excited about reading and listening to other peoples experiences and struggles  that sounded strikingly familiar to me, - to all the things I had buried so deeply since I was a little kid, and the resulting experience that shaped who I was growing up. I kept many many things hidden, and because I was so reserved, I understand why the adults in my life at the time felt that I was delusional. Even a few years before, if someone would have told me I was autistic,  I probably would have denied it and explained my particularities and shyness as pure introversion.

But during the self growth and healing journey I’m still going through, I  have found other people like me with very similar experiences in their social lives, in how they interpreted the world, how their brains worked, and many of them, friends such as paige hess, had autism or now have autism diagnoses. But don’t get me wrong - I am not self diagnosing purely based on my friend’s traits, that would be ridiculous. As I mentioned earlier, I have done a lot of other research that was less subjective. I’ve read academic articles about research done with autistic people, read over some of the most common experiences that fit in line with the DSM-5, read about how autism looks different for female people and how certain kinds of experiences might shape someone’s expression of their autism. Basically, being able to grow up, and being truly engaged in therapy for the first time in my life in the last 3 or so years has helped me realize how much I was repressing, natural urges such as stimming, that I had repressed for so long. I realized why even though I was really “good” at school, I never felt like the learning stuck because I wasn’t able to learn in the way that worked with how my brain works. In my continuous attempt to “be normal” and stop the voice in my head that continuously told me I was weird and never good enough, my perfectionism gave me a sense of control and was built on the social “rules” that I couldn’t name but somehow understood how to follow, not because they were natural to me, but because I had been observing them in social situations and unconsciously taking notes. (I’m really good at pattern recognition). All these things started coming undone, all these tendencies and mannerisms and behaviors, like a very tight knot starting to loosen and come undone inside of me. And instead of trying to keep that knot done up nice and snug, for the first time in my life i’m letting it unravel, and picking up the thread and looking at it with curiosity instead of shame or embarrassment. 

[fairymoe]

[fairymoe]

All of my journal spreads from September!!