dexu4y

[dexu4y]

i wish i could just suck the fat out of me i hate looking at myself and i hate the way clothes fit on me i want to just be a skinny boy :/

[dexu4y]

i can’t do anything right and i just hurt the people i love the most i hate myself and my fucked brain

[dexu4y]

i let everyone down because i can’t fucking pull my shit together and be a person for them. i wish i could bash my brain in so i didn’t have to feel like this anymore

[dexu4y]

long for that feeling of peace, however i may get it

[dexu4y]

getting a tattoo instead of self harm

[dexu4y]

the uncontrollable urge to hurt myself when someone hurts me to make them feel bad is so big and i don’t like that this is how my brain works but :/

[dexu4y]

my dreams are so vivid because of my meds and it takes me a good day or week to get over them. i mainly dream about my fiancée leaving me and finding someone better and it makes me feel like shit because i know i trust them but why is my brain making me dream of this and subsequently hurting my own feelings im so stupid

[dexu4y]

my intrusive thoughts are getting so much lately and it’s scaring me and it makes me feel like a horrible person and that i deserve all this suffering

[dexu4y]

i can never do anything right. everyone is going to leave me and imma be all alone as always. i hate myself and my brain so much.

[dexu4y]

I’m so misunderstood by people it feels like my skin is on fire and I’m burning from the inside out

[dexu4y]

the anger i feel towards ppl i love when i’m splitting is indescribable like i want to block them on everything and never speak to them again but then 5 mins later im sobbing over how much i love them it’s exhausting

[dexu4y]

the jealously i feel when my partner is doing anything without me is so intense and i feel so guilty for feeling like this but i can’t help it

[dexu4y]

i be dissociating so much idek what’s real anymore, i don’t recognise myself in the mirror

[dexu4y]

my brain makes me feel like someone is pushing my head into water and i keep trying to come up for air bc i can’t breathe

[dexu4y]

How can one person be so numb and feel everything all at once?

I don’t want to be here anymore. I want my life to end.

[dexu4y]

i hate when i’m self aware during an episode, like i know my thoughts are irrational but i can’t do anything about it and it’s like a fight between myself and my mind over what’s real and if i should believe my irrational thoughts and fears

[dexu4y]

why am i so sensitive, it ruins all my relationships, i wish i could smash my brain against a wall