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I have such a dumb, destructive relationship with food. Who are we? Ryan and Kelly from The Office?

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This is very triggering, I'm just having a breakdown

Ive been attempting recovery, but i cant do this anymore. Everytime I eat anything i just binge. I feel terrible and just want to gain the control I use to have. To be honest I just want to die. I cant eat and feel happy with myself so I'd much rather die not eating. I just hate my life right now. I know I'm selfish for saying things like this but I'm just a weak person.

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He'll also say stuff like "you'll get actually sick if you don't eat" which makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. I know thats a f*cked up way to look at it, but that's just how I feel.

I fucking hate everything right now. My dad who knows about my problem keeps trying to guilt me into eating and I'm sick and tired of it. I know he only wants the best for me, but i just feel trapped. He keeps saying things like "if you keep starving yourself I'll take you to a psych ward so you can't go to school", or "I'll have to force feed you if you keep this up". I just want to starve and cry more when he says stuff like this.

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I fucking hate everything right now. My dad who knows about my problem keeps trying to guilt me into eating and I'm sick and tired of it. I know he only wants the best for me, but i just feel trapped. He keeps saying things like "if you keep starving yourself I'll take you to a psych ward so you can't go to school", or "I'll have to force feed you if you keep this up". I just want to starve and cry more when he says stuff like this.

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it’s so annoying when somebody making a post venting about their ED mentions the amount of calories they eat and all the notes are filled with “omg 500 a day?? that’s a binge for me” like…..shut the fuck up. why are you flexing on somebody else’s eating disorder like seriously shut the fuck up

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That epic gamer moment when you start having suicidal thoughts because your stomach is full

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I am literally an idiot

My dad made me eat a salad, and then I binged. I have no control over myself. My family keep watching me like hawks so I'll probably not be able to fast for how long I'd like to. I just hope I dont start self harming again.

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Ughhh Day 2

My aunt is making me eat so much. I got out of breakfast, but now im at lunch with her. Hopefully I'll stay in control of myself and won't binge further when I get home.

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Update 2:

Today sucked ass, so hopefully i can get back on track tomorrow. Im gonna fast for atleast 3 days.

Ughhh

I got down to 83 lbs today, but now my aunt and uncle are going to make me eat waaaay to much food today. They ready made me go over my cal limit and still want me to eat lunch with them.

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Update:

We got pho, and I got sick to my stomach. So atleast it was easier to get everything out of my system.

Ughhh

I got down to 83 lbs today, but now my aunt and uncle are going to make me eat waaaay to much food today. They ready made me go over my cal limit and still want me to eat lunch with them.

[currentlydisstressed-blog]

Ughhh

I got down to 83 lbs today, but now my aunt and uncle are going to make me eat waaaay to much food today. They ready made me go over my cal limit and still want me to eat lunch with them.

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Reblog if you hate your stomach area.

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Sorry, i just need to vent

Very Big Trigger Warning Btw

Please Don't Read If You Are Recovering From An Eating Disorder Or Really Any Mental Disorder

I feel so awful for lieing to my dad so much. I told him about my ed, but now it's so hard to be honest with him. I feel like he doesn't understand what's wrong with me. I know that he understands it a little bit, like why my ed started, but he thinks it's as easy as "Come on, just eat a little bit. For me?". No matter how you try and get me to want to eat, i just can't if I'm in the middle of hating myself to the extent that I want to die. I want to recover, but it seems impossible. This voice in my head yelling at me just is so annoying it hurts. I hate this situation I'm in because all I want to do is starve while my family keeps guilting me into eating. And when I don't eat, they call me a lier and tell me that I'll die if I keep doing what I'm doing. But the thing is, I don't care if I die. I wish I could die quicker. I dont want my family to think I hate them, but I wish they understood me better. It's not their fault. I know what I'm saying sounds like I'm trying to get attention, but this is legitimately how I feel.

Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I'm just typed what I felt in the moment so none of this is really going to sound good all together.

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*Trigger Warning* its 3 am and i really hate myself

I want to fucking die again. I hate myself and my body. I've eaten only crap for basically a month. I definitely gained. I am no longer in control of myself. I hate myself. I hate myself so much. I could be closer to loving myself if I hadn't lost control of myself. And now my dad knows about my ed and is forcing me to eat. All I had to do was not eat and not speak. I fucked this up for myself. I have to punish myself for it. I can't eat for atleast 5 days or else I'm going to be an even bigger failure.

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Mugs are the way to GO

Y’all

If you’re like me, your mind is tricked very easily by different sized plates and things. My mind tells me “finish everything on your plate” so eating with smaller plates is better, right?

Well MUGS are the best portion control!! Just put whatever you want to eat in a mug and BAM. Plus, I collect mugs, so I have a bunch of cute ones to eat from. It’s the best! 😁

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Things no one told me pt. 2:

✿ You begin to spot other people in your classes, workplace, friend groups etc who have eating disorder behaviors.

✿ You’ll miss how hard it was to fast & restrict those first few times. Once your mind switches from thinking of restricting as a “diet” to restricting as a coping mechanism/comfort, you’re fucked.

✿ Water weight isn’t the enemy long-term. After having just one serving of progresso light chicken soup for dinner, I’ll likely wake up a little bloated and having retained water. I WOULD RATHER RETAIN WATER THAN GAIN FAT. If having that 70 calorie soup kept me from bingeing later on heaping calories of ice cream or chips, it’s better to have gained weight I can lose in any given 48 hours with water.

✿ You end up having to sell/donate/second hand a lot of your clothes. While you shrink and those large clothes stay well, large, they don’t always end up being the idealistic oversized sweater aesthetic we’re all hoping for. Most of those looks only photograph well but look like maternity potato sacks in real life. And don’t even get me started on saggy jeans…

✿ Your fat loss doesn’t always distribute well. Ladies: the butt and boobs might be the first things to go. Every body is different, and while some tumblr-famous girl’s “lazy” body might be perfectly hourglass and tiny, your DNA might just be looking at you from the sidelines going “HA. Doesn’t the hooman know it’s genetically impossible to achieve that figure with me?” “YA what a dumb fuck she’s gonna destroy her body trying 😂”

✿ Even when you’ve hyped yourself up to allow a cheat day or meal for a special occasion, it will be PHYSICALLY STRENUOUS trying to eat more than a few oz of food. Hi hello I’ve only had liquids and weed this week- so my stomach is a large strawberry at best and I’m wondering why a watermelon’s worth of food isn’t fitting. Who knew.

✿ Your alcohol tolerance drops. Fast.

✿ None of your actions or thoughts inside the eating disorder should be categorized by what OTHERS consider: good, bad, success, failure, right, wrong, ED or wannabe. So someone is having a breakdown after a 200 calorie “binge” and you think *I eat 600-800 calories a day and it’s hard to even do that…I’m a fucking failure* NO BITCH YOU’RE VALID! 2,000 calories a day is the standard adult need. You’re both restricting even less the caloric needs of a TWO YEAR OLD INFANT. If you think about it enough to consider it a problem, it’s a problem.

✿ Most people in your everyday life won’t notice your eating habits (or lack thereof) nearly as much as tumblr leads you to believe. Unless they explicitly know you have disordered eating, most humans are too engrossed in their own calories/meals to take note of anything you do. Even if you’re a minor, most parents only notice something’s wrong when a significant amount of weight has been lost.

✿ DON’T MARK YOURSELF AS A FAILURE IF PEOPLE DON’T NOTICE YOUR WEIGHT LOSS. They probably A) DO notice it but don’t want to bring it up themselves or B) Your tummy retracting 0.75 inched might be the biggest achievement in the world to you, but no one else scrutinizes your body half as much as you do to notice subtle changes.

DISCLAIMER PART 2:

-None of this is meant to “inspire” or “encourage” eating disorders, these were just things that I didn’t know going into my illness and hopefully it can serve as a some solid info for those of you struggling as well 🖤

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Some good old hearty Ana Advice💖💖💖

PLEASE I am in no way endorsing eating disorders. This is just list of a few things that I’ve learnt and that’s helped me through this war. So, with formalities over, let’s begin with the fun stuff:

Wash your hands regularly. Your immune system is already in panic mode. There’s no need for unnecessary germs. Gross.

BIG breakfast. MEDium lunch. small dinner. T R U S T me.

Zombies aren’t really gorgeous unless you know, that’s your kink or whatever, so get some zzzzz.

Invest in oils and skincare because boiii you’re going to need it.

H2O my friends. H2O. It’s zero calories and fills you up. Live off it.

Research some ED symptoms. Now you know what NOT to do infront of family and friends.

I have a set of face masks and my favourite perfume that I may only use on the day I hit a goal weight. This motivates me to lose more, quicker.

Acknowledge your victories. Every single one. Not only will you feel good and more motivated, but your brain will hook onto the feeling of praise and will want to experience it again.

This is quite a popular one, but keep a stack of magazines in your room, one magazine per pound you want to lose. Take one off everytime you lose a pound, add one of you gain. Watch that bitch shrink.

If you have snacks in your room or live alone, put sticky notes on the food packages with the amount of calories. When you want to eat it the consequences are staring you in the face before you even open the damn thing.

Please take care of yourself. You want to be alive and skinny, not dead and skinny.

Stay strong, we’re all in this together!!💖💖💖