caramelmachete

[caramelmachete]

DCU as textposts 2/???

[caramelmachete]

the biggest joked about conspiracy in Gotham shouldn't be "do the butts match" NO it should be that Bruce Wayne's kids are actually biological.

Bruce built his persona on being a dumbass playboy and Gotham's hottest bachelor. Then he ~mysteriously~ adopts a recently orphaned Dick Greyson by ~chance~ who shares his black hair and blue eyes and later shares his body type. Then he ~randomly~ adopts a kid from crime alley that ALSO shares his black hair and blue eyes. Then- He gets his neighbour's kid as a ward. A neighbour's kid that suspiciously has black hair and blue eyes. Cassandra? No blue eyes but certainly his hair, and her personality is almost identical to her father's. Duke may not look like it at first- But he shares the same strong jawline, black hair and while shorter than Bruce- he's got the same body (again, like dick). and ofc Damian is straight up his kid

Like. Tabloids should write articles about how Bruce's playboy nature came back to bite him, people make estimates about how many people in the city are secretly Bruce's children. Rumours spread that he only adopts the ones that fall on hard times. Maybe there's people that try to claim they're a secret Bruce Wayne lovechild and it drives him up the wall because he HAS to check. Just in case.

[caramelmachete]

kena beloved..... 🌹 can i request a discowing please <3

discowing!!!!! ty bearri^_^ hope u like him

[caramelmachete]

The Legend Of SWORD DOG

[caramelmachete]

really liking batman and robin: year one so far

also i like how bruce pretends everything dick does as robin is perfectly normal but no way he didn't panic the first time this happened

no way he didn't panic the 3045th time this happened either, just learned to hide it better

[caramelmachete]

Well i was thinking if i did Red hood why not do the rest of the bat family (if i forgot someone I’m sorry) red hood is my favorite so if these are not as good as those lock screens my apologies

[caramelmachete]

Cass' shadow being bat shaped???

No notes. Perfection.

[caramelmachete]

Something Doctor Who misses out on is how none of the companions are extremely interested with any one thing. All the companions are all “idk, I have a few ideas of stuff that’d be cool to see, but I’m up for whatever! All of space and time, woohoo! :)”

And that’s great for them and I know it makes for a better show overall but I think it would be more realistic for someone to say “I want to see every historically significant moment for my special interest, and then I want to double back for mundane bits too.”

I, for example, would be an insufferable companion.

I’d be like, “okay now take me to the place and time where they first used stirrups for the whole ride instead of just using them as a foothold to mount the horse. Then I want to watch Ray Hunt put a first ride on a colt. After that we’ll take a nap, and then let’s sneak onto set of the Return of the King to be extras in the Ride of the Rohirrim”

The Doctor would be all “please. This is the twentieth horse-centric stop in a row. We have all of space available to us. Can we leave Earth this time I’m begging you”

And my annoying ass would go “not unless there’s horses in space” roll credits

[caramelmachete]

this was funnier in my head but whatever:

A bat family member accidentally calls Tim “Red Robin” (or a recognizable variation) in a semi public area which somehow then gets leaked to the internet and media (Babs was at a wedding or smth) Rumors of THE Timothy Drake-Wayne being Red Robin?! Does that mean his whole family are vigilantaties or just him?

Anyways Tim has to make a public announcement that he was, once in the past, in fact Red Robin, BUT he means the Red Robin restaurant Mascot and then shared pictures of him in the Mascot suit (which Jason stole for him) he has never wanted to die faster or to be disowned quicker. (Bruce and Damian are miffed about the code name slip up but Dick, Jason, Stephanie, Duke, Barbra, Harper, Kon, Cassie, Bart, and Cass are having the time of their lives.)

[caramelmachete]

that's for Jason to know and for Dick to never find out :) (Bruce put hidden pockets so Jason could keep food on him)

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

[caramelmachete]

Hehehehehehhehehehehehehrhe DC brain rot art go brrrrr

Anyway this was fun, I did use a LOT of refs for the body and such, but this was fun to make

I read a lot of @sohotthateveryonedied 's fics to keep the brain rot at bay while working on this, so much appreciated :D (Dick angst is my favorite flavor thank u for providing 🙏)

And I used @commiecricket 's Spotify girlypop dick grayson playlist while doing pretty much all of this :P

Lemme know what u think 👁👄👁

[caramelmachete]

Consider a Batman movie that starts out with Batman on his own, chasing someone on street level. Maybe a mugger, a goon, a person of interest. Batman's a bit injured and not at peak performance. He starts losing ground.

Only for Nightwing to land gracefully in front of the PoI. While fighting to apprehend them, Nightwing says, "Man, you're getting slow in your old age, B." Bruce only grunts as they work together to take down the perp. Nightwing, a flurry of blows and Batman, landing a few but heavy hits. After they've secured them and called Gordon, a voice pops up.

"Batman and Nightwing, we've got a situation on the edge of Park Row. There was a break-in and gunshots have been heard in the area."

"Thank you, Oracle."

The two look to each other and nod before running towards the action. Maybe they're on roof top or on the ground. Maybe they're even on motor bikes.

They reach the scene and see that a figure wearing a red helmet is being choked by one of the robbers. Before they get smacked by a charged escrima stick. The robber drops as well as his hold on the vigilante.

"I had it handled, Dickface."

"Hood, names in the field."

"That is a perfectly normal thing to call someone. You just confirmed that that's his name though." Hood snarks back.

Another voice comes up.

"Uhh, guys? You might want to get over here. There's something shady at the docks." The three hop on their respective motorcycles and head towards the location. On the way, Batman asks, "Fill us in, Robin."

"There seems to be some sort of shipment. I don't recognize the uniforms."

"Don't engage. Describe the situation."

"They're unloading giant boxes but I don't know what's inside. They look too organized to be your average joe. Wait, hold on, I've got-"

The line cuts out and the three Bats start going faster towards the docks. They slow down, trying to go the stealthy route. They see the crates and some of the goons knocked unconscious. Robin is down by them and Batman runs up.

"I thought I told you not to engage!"

"I didn't! There was someone else!"

While Robin fills the three of them in, Nightwing and Red Hood investigate. Nightwing finds one of the goons who isn't unconscious and interrogates them.

"Who do you work for? Clearly you're not with one of the normal gangs or any of the rogues. Who the hell do you work for?" He asks with a crackling escrima stick inching closer to the goon's face.

"I-I-I don't know! We never got a name! We were just hired to unload this shipment!"

"By who? Surely they've got something they're calling themselves."

"The only thing close to a name I ever heard was Black Mask!"

Nightwing drops the goon and puts away his weapon before cuffing them.

"Hey, B! You might wanna see this!" Red Hood calls from the other side of the boat.

When the three others get to the other side, they see bright purple spray paint against the windows.

"SPOILER"

Title Card

--

I just want a movie where the first three boys can interact, Bruce gets to be a dad, and they solve a mystery together. Including Damian in the mix felt too complicated with everything else that comes with him so I decided to make Tim Robin. Figuring out what Black Mask's deal is while trying to figure out who/what Spoiler is would be fun for them too

Let Bruce Wayne be a dad challenge!!

[caramelmachete]

This is definitively a contender for my favorite Alfred threat of all time.

(Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight 211)

[caramelmachete]

The way fantasy writers talk about a thousand years as this uneventful amount of time is really funny to me because like—in less than 1000 years we went from the Norman Invasion of England to Skibidi Toilet.

[caramelmachete]

tim: can you stop putting the titans tower on zillow every time you get pissed at me i have like six real estate agents contacting my personal number to schedule a showing

bart: that’s what you get for not letting me sit on the bathroom floor to keep you company while you shower

[caramelmachete]

One of the things I love about Oracle!Babs is that she's two steps away from being a supervillain at any given time. Her whole game is knowing everything and strategically placing people on the board who can make the moves she needs them to, and that's such a supervillain set-up. However, because Oracle is so closely bound up with other characters, as Black Canary's partner and Batgirl's mentor, as the leader of the Birds of Prey and a valuable member of the Batfamily, she's saved from ever tipping over into tyranny and supervillainy by her friends. They call her out when she goes too far, they keep her in line, they support her when she needs it, so she's got this sort of sinister concept that's balanced by a whole group of people who genuinely love her and want what's best for her and aren't going to let her hurt herself or them.