captain-falling - Tumblr blog

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These are beautiful.

They are so accurate too! As someone who suffers from some of these illnesses I can say that the visual representations of them are spot on. This artist is incredible!

Understand the Monsters: Mental Illness Explained Through The Eyes of an Artist. Beautiful art by Toby Allen

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Just writing.

As ever, I apologize for the absence. I once again got caught up in living and exploring the possibilities that life has for me. I am neglectful of this blog and so I am rectifying that. 

I just need to vent, to release the caged thoughts in my mind and set them free into the void in the hopes that I may find some small measure of relief.

Since meeting the love of my life things have been a lot better, I have been stronger and more able to deal with things. More so than at any other point in my life. Today was hard. Today I felt lost and alone, I was set into a stormy sea with nowhere to lay my anchor and I feel beaten down and broken.

Little things got to me today, things that I can normally rise above and ignore. References to the past, certain behaviours, things that normally amount to nothing more than a passing shake of the head and wry smile to oneself. Today these things stuck, today they sank into my head and stuck like the barbed tip of a fishing spear. I noticed things, discrepancies in conversation, not lies as such, more like untruths. A lack of concern, which given the situation was somewhat understandable, yet still it hurts. Not everything I noticed was entirely excusable but it wasn’t enough to warrant the emotional responses to the extent that I had.

Right now I am tired, drained, I want to sleep but I cannot and I do not dare. I will have nightmares and I will wake up every half an hour. I feel restless, anxious, angry, sad, scared. I am a roiling, turbulent mess of emotion and I do not know how to proceed with this. 

I am finding it hard to even focus my mind on writing and these thoughts will not leave my head no matter what I attempt.

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Hosting a dinner tonight...

So me and my girlfriend are double dating tonight, we are hosting a dinner party at mine...

Does this mean I am adulting? o.O

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One of my philosophy professors lectured wildly about love once, yelling: “When you’re in love with someone, that person is the lighthouse of your universe.” (I scrawled it inside Science and Poetry in pencil—lighthouse of your universe—as if I would ever forget that phrase.) He was a delightful caricature of his position. I could swear he literally tore his hair out while howling at us. He went on, “Nothing means as much without that person.” One of the men in the class repeated, incredulous, half-laughing, “So you’re saying you can’t enjoy, like, a vacation, without someone if you’re really in love with them?” “Of course not.” the professor replied. “Not completely. You recognize beauty, but beauty means less if they don’t witness it with you. Beauty is less. You see something sublime and your first thought is that they should be there with you. It’s not as good without them. They illuminate. They make everything more.”

(via nightmarebrunette.wordpress.com)

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Maybe I’m a book of fiction; published in reality. Maybe this is why my soul is lost and my heart hurts.

like-a-secret-or-a-sin (via wnq-writers)

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I’m tired of being told, “Well just turn off your phone or don’t watch any TV before you get in bed.” As if that will help me sleep better.

Do you know what happens inside my head when I don’t have these mind numbing devices to keep me distracted? I think too much. I over analyze. My thoughts get away from me & soon enough I’m depressed & anxious.

I don’t like living in my head. That’s why I try to drown it out with food, music, TV, video games. Anything. Better to drown it out with all that then drugs & alcohol like I used to, right?

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Highly sensitive (introverted) people process their environments - both physical and emotional - unusually deeply. They tend to notice subtleties that others miss - another person’s shift in mood, or a lightbulb burning a touch too brightly.

Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking  (via wordsnquotes)

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All the true!

Confessions of a Support Main:

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This is me trying to describe my girlfriend to people.

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I open my mouth to speak,

the silence flows out and I’m drowning.

I don’t even need your words,

to know what you’re going to say.

That I’m wrong and your right,

that it’s all in my mind.

You defend against something,

That’s not an attack.

So my feelings stay buried,

and never get out.

It burns me like fire,

and I cannot change it.

I just want to tell you I’m hurting.

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Captain, may I offer you a Daffodil and a branch of Magnolia ?

Daffodil: I think the most thoughtful gift I ever received was love and friendship.

Magnolia: This is tough! I kind of have an addiction to sugar so I can’t pick just one! I love really flavoursome things, like this brand of chewy sweets from Japan called Hi-Chu, they taste incredible! Or maybe something I can crunch like Hello Panda! or Koala-no-march! 

Thanks, shipmate!

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Flower Ask

DAISY:How old were you when you had your first kiss?

CARNATION:If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?

JASMINE:What color looks best on you?

FOXGLOVE:Name three facts about your family?

ALLIUM:What’s the best thing you can cook?

ORANGE BLOSSOM:If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?

CALLA LILY:If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?

POINSETTIA:Favorite holiday dish?

OXLIP:Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?

PRIMROSE:Favorite kind of soup?

DAFFODIL:What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?

ROSE:Are you currently in love with someone?

AMSONIA:Would you ever become a vegan?

PEONY:What’s your favorite hot beverage?

TULIP:For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?

MYRTLE:Do you like going on airplanes?

HIBISCUS:Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?

ZINNIA:Who was your best friend when you were six years old?

POPPY:What color was your childhood home?

HYDRANGEA:Starbucks order?

VIOLET:Do you like where you’re from?

LOCUST:What was your favorite book as a child?

RHODODENDRON:What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had?

QUEEN ANNE’S LACE:Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?

MAGNOLIA:Favorite kind of candy?

ASTER:Would you rather be cold or hot?

MARIGOLD:Do you listen to what’s on the radio?

HELICONIA:Do you like when it rains?

AZALEA:What’s a movie you cried while watching?

DANDELION:Do you think you’re important?

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All the true!

I love the way this expresses it!

It isn’t like “I need you to love me more” which implies that someone’s love isn’t enough. It is such a beautiful expression and I am now adopting this into my everyday life.

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Hands.

My hand is cold,

The wind slides between my fingers,

The cold caress of the night,

Though tender, is not the same.

I miss your hand in mine.

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Just one of the myriad reasons I love her. She writes beautifully <3

Something of a draft I’m working on...

Between the sheets, I felt my back grow wings. Their feathers slightly mussed as they spread, leaving a trail of crystalised knives as I untangled myself from your arms, tasting the night sky on my tongue. And I reached for more, arching my angel back to catch a glimpse of the moon, listening to nothing but your faint heartbeat. And I felt it, like a hand on my cheek, your steady breathing, beckoning me back to sleep. So I sank, and felt myself become adrift on our own horizon. The world had shifted, like lips slightly parted to whisper me a secret. And the air was alive with blood and stars screamed, as the sun began to embrace the city streets.