beautifulballoonface

[beautifulballoonface]

People started entire religions when they didn’t like the rules… and here I am, just trying not to disappoint my parents for not fitting their idea of a "traditional woman."

[beautifulballoonface]

True freedom for a woman is seldom given—it’s often earned, fought for, and sometimes, paid for.

-beautifulballoonface

[beautifulballoonface]

I'll not walk into the rooms I'm not wanted.

[beautifulballoonface]

collection of useful things tumblr has taught me:

even if you can't fall asleep, laying down with your eyes closed will still rest your body

you don't have to brush your teeth standing up

you don't have to do any chore standing up, from dishes to showering

you don't have to shower with the lights on

if you can't brush your teeth, flossing and a tongue scraper gets rid of plaque and bad breath

if you can't do that, mouthwash kills a lot of bacteria

eating "unhealthy" food is better than eating no food

you can make the same meal everyday for however long you still want it

some pills come in syrups or chewables if you can't swallow them

kids nutritional shakes can be a quick way to get fuel if you can't eat/don't have time

if walking hurts/exhausts you on a regular basis, canes and rollers are for you, no matter how young you are

we have free will—if doing something "out of the ordinary" makes life easier for you, do it

[beautifulballoonface]

I've been feeling these hands on my neck,

More often lately.

It's a love hate relationship.

I hate them,

And they love me,

To the point I feel like I'm dying.

I can't breathe.

No, not really,

I FEEL LIKE I can't breathe.

But somehow I manage to do,

So I get it, why they call it a facade,

And I wonder if I would have said the same,

For the roles were reversed.

But weirdly, I'm relieved a bit,

Atleast someone who can't relate.

And They can blame me or shame me,

But I still wouldn't wish it on them.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

But I do hope that if someone someday,

Do feel this way,

They don't find themselves alone.

While these two hands try to choke them,

They find themselves in the presence of

Many more holding them.

[beautifulballoonface]

When you ask me what love is, I can't give you an answer,

But, maybe just maybe

It's about the little things

The little things between you and me

And between me and them,

Them and you,

And you and you

How I stock up my fridge with cold drinks

Even though no one in my home likes it

How I always beat the coffee for my friend

Making it look like it's something I always do

When in honesty, I'm too lazy to even make me a coffee

And maybe love is reading stuff on internet

The stuff which barely makes sense to me

The technologies and what not

Even though the last time I needed something

It was my brother who had to help me

So maybe love is not just the grand gestures

And maybe it's not always romantic either

It's just the little things

And our whole life around it

Between me and them,

Between me and me.

[beautifulballoonface]

Thank you @holdingonto-lu and everyone who got me to 50 reblogs!

Maybe it happens on the days we just want to be loved. Not desired but loved. And in those moments we feel the loneliest.

[beautifulballoonface]

I stretch and stretch and stretch myself too thin,

Now I can barely hold myself anymore.

[beautifulballoonface]

People when angry due to someone's mistake, they punish the other in some way, that could be ignoring, verbal, or non verbal. And maybe they do that so other doesn't make the mistake twice cause they now know the dire consequences. And maybe that's why my father would punch my mother until she would bleed so that she remembers next time she is cooking not to sprinkle a lil too much salt.

[beautifulballoonface]

Maybe it happens on the days we just want to be loved. Not desired but loved. And in those moments we feel the loneliest.

[beautifulballoonface]

I'm not scared if you stay or not,

I'm not scared if anyone stays or not,

I'm only scared of abandoning myself again.

And God forbid, I'm never letting that happen again.

[beautifulballoonface]

If there was something so bad with me

Why couldn't you sit with me

And help me understand

Why couldn't you tell me how to be good

Why couldn't you tell me about the things I could do

To make you love me

Because I would have done it all

I would have bled and bled and bled

And still smiled

If that's what your love demanded

Then why couldn't you tell me

What's wrong with me afterall

[beautifulballoonface]

I'm just wondering if my mistake was really so big

That you couldn't sit with me and help me understand

That you couldn't sit with me and try to understand me

You couldn't offer me reassurance or anything of comfort

I'm really wondering if my mistake was so terrible

That it deserved such anger

That you could not be bothered

By a simple fact, that at the other end it's not your enemy,

It's just a person who cares about you

A person who made a mistake

Who realised her mistake

Who wants to be better for you

Just didn't know how to

I'm figuring out things just as you do

That you couldn't be bothered

Knowing there's a person waiting for you at the other end

Crying and checking their phone at every ping,

Waiting for something from you,

Something, just something

Maybe some words of connection

We often have been talking about

Was it so important to teach me a lesson

That it couldn't wait

That it couldn't find any other way

But I guess

I made a mistake so terrible

I always do

So instead of having memories

I'm hoarding lessons

But now I'm losing their count too

[beautifulballoonface]

'You are mine'

Doesn't mean

'I love you'

And I would know that,

Because I confused these

As same

You see, when we fell in love

he said

'I love you'

And 'you are mine'

Almost always together

That they started to have the same meaning

But when he fell out of love

He couldn't even say

'I love you'

But he still repeated

'You are mine'

And I still thought

For it to have the same meaning

And it took me a really long time

To realise the difference

That

'You are mine'

Doesn't mean

'I love you'

It simply means

I've won you

And I don't care if you dust up in the attic

And I can't care enough to be even kind

But I still won you

And till the time

I do not collect a possession prized more than you

'You are mine'

[beautifulballoonface]

Someone said that

When someone abandons you

It teaches you

How to be on your own

But it doesn't make much sense to me

because I don't understand

How many times does one needs to be abandoned

To be on their own

[beautifulballoonface]

fireflies lighting up a rural Pennsylvania field at dusk

[beautifulballoonface]

Even the best of people have the capacity to hurt us,

And if you aren't careful with your own heart,

They won't be either.