azuilys

[azuilys]

Mistakes Compound

-Azuilys

In that moment, her words were clarity.

My body had awaked a sixth sense or my soul developed ears to have her speech etched into my consciousness.

"Can the blind dream?"

...

That question. The catalyst for this very second. "Perhaps" I responded "but not in vision. Just sensations and feelings." She retorted, "Precisely so, forming thought without an idea to grasp onto is difficult." Just as the blind would never understand or experience colour, she, before the elements had time to erode her external layer of idealism, would never stood chance of understanding where she could be today.

My mother would have been better without me. If only she had known how cruel I could be. As if thoughts about the life I was born into cooked in the oven of my mind for so long, causing the words thrown at her to be so hard and brittle.

My today began years before I was even born. A region in time so far outside of my influence. If only it was possible for me to throw her that idea to dream past my existence. It could have been great. For her.

My mother would have been better with out me. I can't help but think that's true. Even I begrudge my existence and all the hateful words I spew. Mistakes are inevitable, this we all should agree, but for her sake, I wish I could undo the mistake that compounded to me.

[azuilys]

A Set Back, A Thinking Space

-Azuilys

Sitting there in silence,

We looked up.

Accident and undecipherable are my memories of admiration to the above.

Truly, fondest memories are akin to dreams.

Perhaps to the achieved and fulfilled, these memories are constantly replenished, unfortunate are her and I, to not regularly, thoughtfully gaze onto the sky.

She pointed out the intense contrast, the likes of which she has never seen, the intense hue of blue and pearl white formless clouded clouds that waft their way across the hue.

Looking up high, don't cost nothing but time,

A currency, I once precived as renewable.

But in reality, it slowly seeps away form us all, until a pocket of it momentarily freezes.

Somewhere I know, there's something I should do,

But here and now my prayers are to be that white, gracefully meandering across that blue.

It stands to reason, some day, I'd return here, but only after I'm in a time surplus.

I pray we could do this more often, but time again will soon begin to run,

Though I'm still grateful for the simple set back, that lead to our emotional reunion.

[azuilys]

The Rational of Love

-Azuilys

I can't conceptualize love,

And to my right ear, they whispered,

"It's because you're disconnected from the one above."

Inhibited by my perception of logic and recollection.

It's difficult to completely grasp romance and affection.

And that some how makes me evil and far divinity?

No, what's evil is you.

The way you let that euphoric emotion completely eclipse your value.

Cause the word love was never meant to describe, a feeling that cuts and leaves you teary eyed.

"Love" leaves people masochistic and a little bit insane.

Maybe it's our bodies reminding itself that it isn't just mortal, and can feel more than physical pain.

Dynamics I would never be predisposed to, others crave,

I've seen people give their lives to be items akin to slaves?!

Sometimes to the wicked deviod of an ounce of care.

The very ones who are actually disconnected from the God up there.

"But, I love them!", They cry,

As their body actively disconnects from their mind to apply their vivid delusions.

I'm not stupid though, I know real love exists out there.

But I rather see it happen everywhere else than it fester in here.

Cause the way I see it and I'm not speaking for anyone else,

To me, your life can fail the moment you start loving someone more than yourself.

[azuilys]

Husk of Opulent Dreams

-Azuilys

That's it!

I concede.

I'll simply live as a husk of opulent dreams.

Desire for peace,

Desire for fun,

Desire for that blissful feeling to confidently declare aloud that I've won!

Time halts for those who can pay, but for me a month feels as short as a day.

Days changed to Weeks, Weeks turned to Months,

Months morphed to years of pushing effort,

Pouring life, sanity and tears yet somehow, I'm still stuck in the same affairs.

"No one's better than the other",

In a perfect world, that is true,

but live life long enough and you're bound to bump into someone who's simply better than you.

It's always been easier, always.

While here I persist.

Why couldn't that be me? Here, I rather not exist.

It's never over, isn't it?

They started ahead, so they'll finish faster,

While others struggle start at all, since their life is a complete disaster.

Who would think twice if it's all they've ever known, "This is how life should be."

They'll imply in the most unfitting tone,

And that's true it should be that way, but alas it seems that I've still haven't struck a better day.

Clustering my mind, and trying not to glare wont stifle the burning envy I channel in despair,

A hope of opulence and a feeling of content.

I'm working so hard to see my way through, while you've ungrateful lived it all and that's exactly why I hate you.

[azuilys]

To See A Star Fall

-Azuilys

To see A Star fall,

But not to the Earth,

It's dissension, an explosion of light,

As it's soul defused in liquid rainbow scattering across night.

What a relief now,

Seeing such a climatic end hollowed my chest at first, but as time healed I recognized it's continued existence would have been worst.

Your light I admired.

The highlight of my day.

The permanence I never understood could fade away.

I fought for it's protection, but that to failed.

With every word that left your mouth my opinion of you decayed.

"So please leave, don't harm my star. I would rather remember you for who you were and not what you are."

You didn't take that lightly so you tried to

take my light.

Launching a strike to shattering the star that once gloriously lit up my night.

The fallen star missing from the cosmos,

leaving behind incomplete constellations.

Gone, never to be seen and along with it,

my admiration, respect and maybe hopes and dreams.

But it's fine or atleast it will be.

I should have expected that from you, cause nothing lasts forever.

I now know stars die, too.

[azuilys]

Priority

-Azuilys

Didn't you hear?

She ran. Completely disregarding her purpose for being there.

It all slowly crept to become much.

Yet a fool, lacking clairvoyance, saw this concluding as such.

"Prioritizing leisure, in an attempt to hold yourself together, would only work for a while."

The moment those words left my thoughts, I was shy away with no hope to reconcile.

Suddenly, I became evil.

To her, horns sprouted from my head.

While from where I was standing, I can clearly see, she was predisposed to her end.

To her own devices and lashing out to anyone who'll interrupt,

She failed.

The price was high, but justly, she had to pay up as fairness entailed.

And then she started running, still steep in her ways.

Never acknowledging the fact that she was wrong and she to had failed.

After all, ultimately, who really cares.

I was right, I fear, so go ahead and run along.

You won't be missed, my dear.

[azuilys]

The Dance of Heart and Mind

-Azuilys

For others sake your kind existence nigh end,

The visionary whose pragmatic out look is hindered by Heart,

With weakened arms, forsaken justice to defend,

With knowledge of destruction from the start.

A Moderated Heart causes reform,

Restrained affection allows Mind control.

In perfect union, you awaken reborn,

An entity now with a fullfilled soul.

Compositions often vary for the worst.

Their stability teeters in a gentle breeze.

With samsaric penances they are cursed,

With unmoving lives, of tears and unease.

Eternal bound, they were formed together.

Separate, their forces stagnate forever.

[azuilys]

That One Boy Who Couldn't

-Azuilys

Foreverly present petitely manner boy.

Light and gracefully flowing limbs,

attached to a body that contains a heart

and mind that would never harm the other

or any other.

Vocally easily listened, a voice

unconfrontationally toned.

Weak.

A sudden breeze is adequate to divert his

preemptively steadied course, such as his

nature. Trapped in a plain where tough times

become tougher, his existence is

threatened.

No escapism exists in a world filled of

unjust and chaotic behavior. Running

towards liberation would only lead to the

core chaos of which escape from was

promised.

To escape the world he created his own. A

home world in the psyche, confined behind

erected walls built on a slippery

foundation, which had to be periodically

rebuilt post-destruction from the outside

world. Within this confinement, days are

years and years are eons.

A blank slate of creation to be filled with

thoughts, hopes and dreams that would

never phsyically manifest. Preemptively

planning behind the safety of confined

walls provided temporary euphoria.

There is no war within the walls.

With the knowledge of everything wanted

thing and wanted thing to do, the journey

towards their physical creation began. The

never thought to be acquired, courage

confidence and ambition was obtained

and he finally gathered enough for him to

leave his highly protected plain.

When he returned to the physical world, it

was already over, there was nothing he

could do, he spent days inside there

thinking but out here, years passed too.