aspd-confessions

[aspd-confessions]

Not previous asker but do statements by a school document count as documented evidence?

Yes I believe so.

[aspd-confessions]

Also omg I'm the CD confession, not tryna make it seem like I'm fishing for a diagnosis. Just venting ofc. I do wish the CD diagnosis was given more thought than just "bad kid acting out" disorder but I guess it kinda has to be general. Ah well.

All good.

[aspd-confessions]

Sometimes I wonder if my CD behavior is "valid" or not or whatever... like I know damn well it's not normal and something was wrong, but it makes me question if it was CD, because I never phsycially done anything, but only because I got lucky and I had other coping mechanisms that helped me not be as blatant. I still did some outward behavior things that I think warrants it, but it's like... listen if my parents never gave me what I wanted after my arguing, I would be under charges. And if I didn't have maladaptive daydreaming and dissociative problems, I would be in jail, have all the records done, all that. It wouldn't be "internal" anymore, even though it still affected my behavior.

Also I have a phobia of darkness due to trauma so I ofc I'm not gonna run away AT NIGHT.

Like it's all just complicated I think. Comorbidities and trauma fucking up the symptoms and making it go under the radar. Like anytime I hear people talk about their CD experience I'm like "omg that is 100% me... but I just got lucky and found my coping mechanisms so I don't have that much "lore"." For lack of better term.

I still have lore too, like I said, it still affected my behavior, just not as overtly or severely due to the shit I mentioned. I've been breaking serious rules and traditions with my family, shoplifting, threats, planning out a murder, planned to run away countless fucking times, I never knew why I didn't do it, I honestly blacked that part out. But I know I would've 100% done it. Then there's that whole burning myself alive thing because I didn't wanna die from a "boring death", like erm... that can't be normal. Especially cuz it's still happening now.

I literally nearly killed my best friend before because of the symptoms like... i still do not care. I can't care. Does being manipulative and sadistic count as CD symptoms too? I think it does? I did the typical hurting animals as a kid too. Ehh.

Yes those are symptoms.

[aspd-confessions]

https://www.tumblr.com/aspd-confessions/790239650367340546/pleeeeeeaaassseee-do-this-itll-make-me-feel

SO REAL when i was deep in the alcoholic trenches my ex told me that it was hurting him too 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 too see me drink until i threw up 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and that i should stop for both our sakes 🥺🥺🥺 and i did noooot care i wanted that guy to die on the spot i was ticked off. and then my actual EP (current partner) sat me down and fully explained why the hell i need to stop drinking that much (without the emotional manipulation)

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[aspd-confessions]

HELLOOO! i just wanted to ask. when getting an aspd diagnosis, what counts as “documented signs of conduct disorder”?

Observed, recorded, and reported behaviors that align with the diagnostic criteria for conduct disorder that are serious, persistent, and patterned. These need to be recorded by a credible individual such as a mental health professional, medical providers, people within the legal system, etc.

Common documented signs include aggression to people and/or animals (fighting, assault, bullying, intimidation, etc), destruction of property (arson, vandalism, etc), theft and deceit (B&E, scamming, lying, pickpocketing, shoplifting, etc), and other serious rule violations (truancy/chronic school absenteeism, running away, repeatedly staying out all night/breaking curfew, etc).

[aspd-confessions]

I fit all the criteria, but I still don't relate to the experiences of literally anybody else I see talk about the disorder, and now I'm just confused...

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[aspd-confessions]

I feel like A LOT of people with ASPD hide behind their disorder, that way they can be shitty to other people. Like, your disorder doesn’t exempt you from common courtesy, even if you don’t feel guilt/ or don’t understand it.

True, though I think a lot of people with ASPD also just don't realize that what they're doing is inherently bad. A lot of us have a weak moral compass.

[aspd-confessions]

How do you deal with low empathy/apathy?

Im coming here to ask about empathy/frelings. I dont have aspd, or and other discorder for that metter, but 99% of the time I cant bring myself to "feel for somebody" and lately to enjoy stuff. I feel quite empty/not real or how to describe it, almost apathetic, and i know people with aspd struggle with that, so maybe some advice?

If you don't naturally feel empathy, don't force it. Instead, try learning to recognize situations where people expect empathy, respond in ways that seem socially appropriate/helpful, and use cognitive empathy rather than emotional empathy (understanding WHY someone feels the way they do without necessarily experiencing those feelings yourself).

If you're not feeling anything from hobbies, relationships, routines, etc, then try structuring your day around tasks you used to care about, track cause and effect ("I did X and Y happened"), and seek stimulation (not necessarily just "joy", but something that makes you think or react in any way).

[aspd-confessions]

In my country (Hungary) if a person is alone in a group, other people often say "oh why are you so antisocial" and it pisses me off. Let's not use "antisocial" for "introvert(ed)". Idk if the people in yalls countries do that too but I hate it sm

Yeah it's like that here too. I wish people would learn the word "asocial".

[aspd-confessions]

Today I had someone go "Oh..! That's not.." to me when I told them I compulsively lie and engage in 'law breaking behaviours' and that's when I remembered that people tend to forget ASPD is not just having low to zero empathy.

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[aspd-confessions]

recently maintaining friendships has been feeling like playing fucking 4d chess

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[aspd-confessions]

hi! i asked a similar question on npd-confessions, but im going to ask it here too.

did you get diagnosed with cd? if so, what did you do? as in what crimes did you commit and stuff. if you didnt get diagnosed w cd, what did you do to get diagnosed with aspd?

Sorry for the late response.

I wasn't formally diagnosed, but my behaviors were officially recorded and documented. The most damning issues included assault/fighting, arson, graffiti, stealing/shoplifting, threatening violence with weapons, and running away from home.

[aspd-confessions]

Anons who asked actual questions, I promise I'll get to you soon. I've been so fucking busy and want to make sure I'm able to sit down and answer to the best of my ability.

[aspd-confessions]

I have a lot of reasons against minors self-diagnosing or receiving professional diagnoses of personality disorders, namely cluster B disorders. Cluster B = unstable sense of identity and being 12 - early 20s means you can also have an unstable sense of identity. I was 18 and labeled as a borderline by a psychiatrist, and then wore that label like a badge of honor but as I got older, my BPD symptoms became less severe and I was actually experiencing a BPD-like manifestation of ASPD. My ASPD crystalized, now I fit the entire criteria of ASPD at 27 years old (I fit it at 18, and then general conduct disorder before hand when I was a minor + a mood dysregulation disorder as a minor, when really it was c-ptsd, conduct disorder, and antisocial traits). Like y'all really want an ASPD diagnosis and you fall into confirmation bias. I hit my mid 20s and had an identity crisis because I tried to sell myself a narrative that I didn't fit: I am a borderline when I don't even have BPD. My primary diagnosis now is NPD/ASPD. I show Schizoid characteristics as a defense against vulnerability. You may want to claim the label of ASPD when you're 15, but what are you gonna do when you're 30, and that label was actually a defense for something entirely different, such as like, I don't know, some entirely different mental disorder? Are you gonna keep selling yourself the framework that you're something when you're not? Start figuring your shit out and labeling it when you're 25+, burned out, your personality is crystalized, and your behaviors are there. Work on yourself before hand, as well. A label and a diagnosis doesn't mean anything if you're not actively working on yourself to not be a person you don't wish to be. Literally, for all you know, you may not even have a personality disorder. You could have a non-disordered personality and are just struggling with mood, or c-ptsd, or just anxiety. Like. You do not want ASPD. It isn't a fun disorder.

Very good post

[aspd-confessions]

one thing thats simultaneously fun and frustrating about being ASPD is being "the therapy friend"

like yes, i can see through your issues and personality like glass. yes i can predict exactly how your problems are going to go. yes, i will comfort you.

but do i give a shit?

absolutely not.

however, it's entertaining, so i'll keep you around for now. if it gets to be an inconvenience though, youre on your own; youre not special to me in any way just because i listen to you bitch and whine

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[aspd-confessions]

i love (/s) how i get so bored at work and then i put exactly 0.52% of an effort into my job. there are things i could be doing, but i don't. but then i sit around complaining that i'm bored. make it make sense.

Felt that.

[aspd-confessions]

That minor self diagnosing confession was kinda insane actually, like not having a CD diagnosis is okay, but you need to show SIGNS. It can't just pop up out of nowhere. ASPD is more than just lacking empathy and remorse. No hate to anyone.

Honestly I'm a minor too and it always felt weird for me to say I'm self diagnosing ASPD, I usually just say self diagnosing/med recognized CD. I feel an extreme caution with doing so, even though I'm gonna turn 18 in like 20 days and my therapist already told me that I should just get an aspd evaluation when I turn 18. I get knowing that something is wrong with you and not having proper resources, but I would refrain from self diagnosing any personality disorders if you're under 16 at most. I didn't get a CD diagnosis, but I absolutely had signs that would've severely endangered myself and others starting by the time I was fucking 11. Plus signs in earlier childhood that caused conflict. And I just feel grim knowing that I'm about to be an adult and can actually get diagnosed. Like it's not just a... label. That you can slap on if you relate to the symptoms.

I'm not trying to make myself look like the golden example, but just further emphasizing on why that other confession was just not right on so many levels. I do hope that person gets whatever help they believe they need. But please guys ASPD is a serious disorder that can ruin your life.

Nodding.