agirlanonymous-blog1

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

FYI, I‘m really high right now.

What has been on my mind lately? Honestly, same ole shit just on different days. Currently, searching for a job in an area where there are none! I need to move.

I feel horrible right now, I made plans with someone tonight and ditched them. It’s something I would never do but for some reason this time was different. I’m hoping they’re not mad, Hopefully they know I would never do this to them but I did. We’ll just have to wait and what the morning brings.

So, as I have mentioned in a past post I’m currently living with my boyfriend and his parents, long story short, we weren’t doing good money wise, in other words there were more bills then there was money. So we moved in with his parents to just help us out and save some money. End of story and where this was going is, tomorrow they’re having everyone over for Thanksgiving dinner, and I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself all day to have to deal with the yelling and bitching at each other that’s going to happen.

Man, do I ever feel bad. I asked her to come to where I was, shes been there before and I actually thought she would to but apparently I was wrong. My subconscious is killing me here, I’ve always noticed that I have a strong subconscious, I remember skipping off school one day, a friend and I just took our book bags at lunch and left and on the way out the door a teacher asked us where we were going, so basically we got caught then and there but we left anyways and from that point out I knew we were going to get in trouble and low and behold the principle shows up at my front door and drags our asses back to school and I ended up with in school suspension. 

So, the boyfriend isn’t moving now, he’s going to wait until Spring so we can drive up together, there’s kinda why I’ve been looking my ass off for some jobs, note to self: pass out resumes this week. But I will say both of us were not on the same page about that decision and leave it at that.

Well I guess I’ve lave this one of here. Just a lot mumble, jumble. But that’s why I made this Tumblr so I can ramble and get these thoughts out of my noggin’.

Good night! xo

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

A few days ago my boyfriend decided that he’s going to move to another province to find work.

Am I going with him? No.

How do I feel about that? Absolutely awful.

But honestly, that’s okay. I’m going to miss him like crazy and have him drove crazy with skype calls but he’ll back back again in to night and hopefully to pick me up and drive me back with him.

I have these two fears, first, I’m scared I’m going to end up homeless because we’re currently living at his parents house and if he leaves i hope that doesn’t mean I have to get up and out of here as well. And the second is I’m scared that I’m  going to be waiting around for six months because I get my ass up there with him.

I’ve been sending out resumes so I’m hoping a job will pop up soon. Do something to spend my time at and to make some money. I’m going to try and take these few months to get healthy and into shape, make some friends, find some new hobbies, read some books. Just work on me I guess, just to better myself.

Does that sound weird?

I honestly don’t know how to feel about any of this, there’s just a big ole mix of I don’t knows rolling around up there lately.

Fingers crossed things work out and everything goes well.

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

Get this as an inspirational print on our online store at http://ift.tt/2ftr4td

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

Warning: May include triggers.

Every meet someone and you just knew you didn’t like them? You just look at their face and you just want to slap them silly? I have, every day for the past six years.

There’s two people currently in my life that I sadly can not remove from it. Don’t get me wrong I’m highly grateful for everything these two people have done for me in the past, present and probably the future but by golly do I just want to grab them by their shoulders and ask them why are they so negative?

That’s it, they are the two most Debbie downers you will ever meet in your life, Everything that comes out of their mouths is negative, they don’t know how to congratulate anyone on anything, they both think the world is out to get them and no one is worth their time.

I’m the type of person that if you’re being negative it’s going to rub off on me and I also will be down and out. Let me just explain this to you.

Person number one, stays in the house but always complains that they’re bored and there isn’t anything to do, has no friends, complains about being in pain all the time, tells stories about their past every chance they have ( They had a bad childhood so I’m guessing this is where most of their problems have come from.) Talks about money all the time, Lies and likes to make up stories.

Person number two, always has a frown on their face, if you don’t have anything to offer them they don’t want anything to do with you, everything revolves around money, mentally abuses spouse, talks down to family members, Watches CNN like it’s a religion, has the mind set of a man from the 40′s.

Honestly i haven’t met anyone like them before, the only time they’re nice is if they want something/ want something done or they have company over and god forbid strangers see what they’re really like.

I try my best to stay positive around them, trying to keep a smile on and whenever they get on with their BS i just act like I’m listening and nod. But there is so many times where I wish I could just open my mouth and ask them why are they the way they are? But i don’t want to cause any drama because i know their answer would be a guilt trip. oh yeah i forgot to mention that they do that always.

It’s hard to live with people who are like this, I know I’m sounding very negative right now but this is what happens. They jab at your insecurities and bring up the low points of your life in normal conversation.

I’m going to end this little rant here, i could honestly go on for days with just the strange things these two people do and say. I need to go listen to my rain falling playlist and get some sleep. (teehee)

xoxox

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

Let yourself feel.

Thanks for the inspiration @kindersuggestion :)

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

Warning: May include triggers, talk about weight loss

All I have been thinking about lately is weight loss. I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. Yea, yea another one of those sob stories but guess what, every story is different but each is just as important.

I try so hard to remember where my dependence on food started. i just remember being younger and renting VHS tapes and having junk ( I lived right next to a gas station) and that’s how I would normally spend my nights. Growing up i was blind towards the abuse that was happening at home, I didn’t know what was happening so when my parents spit up i was surprised.

But enough about my sad, shitting childhood and back to the topic at hand, weight loss, fat loss, being healthy, whatever you want to call it.

I am considered “obese”. my BMI is above 30 and I hold it all in my belly. I have legs on me for days but I’m convinced they’re only that way because they have to hold up my upper body. ( Awful for me to be saying about myself.)

So back to the problem, I binge eat. i eat when I’m full, I eat whenever there is food and when I want junk, I WANT IT NOW! I have no self control at all and I know it’s all a mind thing and I spoke to my doctor about it and he said, “ There must be an underlying issues that is causing you to binge eat.” But I can’t think of the reason.

Is it because it’s just plain out addicting? Maybe it’s my crack. Is it the sudden boost, sudden happy feeling that you get while you’re eating your favorite chocolate bar? Or is it that i just don’t respect myself enough to treat myself with love?

I keep telling myself that it’s easy, i just need to believe in myself and believe I can achieve it. I always get these random spikes of being motivated really late at night, so I’m always sat here browsing the web for easy, healthy recipes and different ways to work out but then I wake up the next day and do none of it.

So instead of doing so, I’m here writing this blog post to get this all off my mind. So much rambling on, but it helps and that’s the main thing.

xoxox

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

http://iglovequotes.net/

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

Warning: may include triggers, swearing and talk of drug use.

When I woke up yesterday I was far from a good mood, I felt like I was going to cry if I dropped a pen, or if my boyfriend pet the cat a weird way, or you know that saying “ there’s no point in crying over spilt milk.” Well yesterday I certainly could of and almost did.

I’ve been medicated for the past five years for depression, over the course of the last five years I have also been upped in dosages a few times meaning if I miss a day with no meds the withdrawal symptoms are even worse then if I wasn’t medicated in the first place, I just wanted to stay in bed and sleep. Why yes Tumblr i do realize that missing a day is my own damn fault but i’m currently running low so yea I just shoved my own foot up my own ass there didn’t I?

But what i wanted to talk about it, making Marijuana legal. So I rolled a J and went out in the backyard, sat in the grass and smoked it. And I felt great.

What it is that blows my mind is, I take these pills for the last five years that has messed with my brain and system to the point that if I miss them for one day I pretty much want to do away with myself where there is this plant that makes me feel normal and what I know of has no long term mental effect. ( I only recently started smoking, so I should be safe from the brain damage. lol)

I guess the problem is if weed was legal, pharmaceutical companies would be losing money, right?

Enough talking about that, I’m going to go have a tea and a midnight drive with the boyfran.

[agirlanonymous-blog1]

Welcome one and all to my very empty blog. I just wanted to say hello and just put it out there that I will be using this lovely snowy background to make posts about all the wonderful and depressing things that happen inside my little noggin. Just a place to help me get my thoughts and ideas out, a place to rant and just let it all hang out.

So Hello, I’m an anonymous girl and this is my brain.