adiyo011 - Tumblr blog

adiyo011 · 10 years ago

Text

Four Types of Partners for Relationships

It's been said that there are four different types of partners-- soul mates, mind mates, play mates, and help mates -- and we tend to have preferences for one type or the other. You can rank this out, for example, my top preference is to have a soul mate, with mind mate second, play mate third, and help mate dead last. Whereas my husband would rank it this way: play mate, mind mate, help mate, soul mate.

It sounds to me like your boyfriend's top preference is to have a help mate. This doesn't make him wrong. Lots of people prioritize help mate over all the other types. In fact, I'd say it's incredibly common, from what I've seen (beyond Reddit and out in the real world). Help mate and soul mate are the two most common preferences.

A help mate is a partner who shares common goals and vision for the future, and who assists you in maintaining a home, building a career, saving for the future, raising children together. It is all the "adult" things.

A soul mate is a partner who connects with you on a deeply intimate, emotional level. It is the stuff that songs are written about. It's romance and flowers. Two soul mates together can look a lot like a high school or Romeo & Juliet romance, or yes, the honeymoon period.

A mind mate is a partner who connects with you on an intellectual level. Who shares your interest in science or philosophy or current events etc. Two mind mates together could be the couple getting their PhD's, or completing the crossword puzzle together Sunday morning in bed, or reading side-by-side at night, or having a lively debate about politics... or sitting in the rocking chair at the old folk's home, their bodies spent, but their minds still active as they talk endlessly about their favorite topics.

A playmate is a partner with whom you share fun. You share the same sense of humor and are always cracking jokes. You share same interest in arts or sports and you're always up for an adventure. This can also be the couple that has a lively and adventuresome sex life. The couple that plays together, stays together, is their motto.

It sounds like your preferences are incompatible. It sounds like you'd prefer a play mate (someone to have fun with you), a soul mate (someone to make love to you), and a mind mate (someone to talk to about interesting topics), over and above a help mate. Because you've been self-sufficient all these years, help mate is just not as important to you. You want a spouse who will add different dimensions to your life, and if they also ease your burden a little, that's icing on the cake... not the whole cake.

I don't think you can change him. These preferences run quite deep, as deep as any personality types. We are born with our specific temperaments. Time and experience doesn't tend to change these temperaments and preferences, but rather, bring them into sharper focus.

#relationships #people #self

3 notes · View notes

adiyo011 · 10 years ago

Photo

#emotions #word wheel

2 notes · View notes

adiyo011 · 10 years ago

Text

It's been a while my old friend. I thought that we would part, but alas, here I am writing this letter to you.

On this sleepless night, I seek your counsel.

My mind is hazy. I don't know what to think. So many things with no resolution in sight.

Relationships. Goals. Future. Soul. Nature.

Relationships

I wish to be someone so I don't have to be lonely yet part of me is quite content being alone. When I'm with you, I am not completely there. Call it unfair? Yet, there are moments where I wish to touch your face and see you for a moment longer.

However, is it all a lie? My heart does not beat any faster. No flutter. Friends tell me that when I see the person I love, I will know. Looking back, have any of those been true? No one truly knows me and I don't wish them to do so. Scary monsters live in fearful places such as my mind. It's too much to bear and I wish to shoulder it alone.

How can I give myself to someone? How can I let them see me? I'm afraid.

Goals & Future

I've had a chance to have a good talk with a good friend recently. We both came to the same conclusion. I speak big yet actions are small. What I managed to do? Yet for myself, I have lofty goals. I hope to one day sit amongst the titans of our times yet here I am struggling with the smallest of challenges. How can I become a great when I am struggling with school? Struggling to master the art of discipline? To push myself despite having no motivation?

Look in the mirror. Do you see someone as entitled as you are? You've managed to do nothing yet you seek the opportunity to stand amongst the gods. Can you see the hubris in your ways?

So for now, please know your place amongst the world. Perhaps your time will come but it is not now. Focus on what must be done.

Soul & Nature

Especially in recent times, I feel like something is hiding. Maybe it's because I've been off my medication but it simply feels like I am 'not there'. Where is the Adrian who smiled when he had the chance to bask in the sun? Where is the child who had the simple pleasure of making someone smile?

I want to see you again. I want to be me again. I thought that I would manage to conquer depression by myself but perhaps I do need the help. Things had been going well.

However, we took a good step today. I took the time to write down my thoughts. I took the time to talk to the people whom I care about. It's a good first step.

So for now, I wish you good night Adrian. We'll get through this.

I had a chance to empty out what was on my mind. I made the mistake of keeping everything as a burden on the inside. Let's avoid this in the future shall we?

Smile :) I love you, me.

#self #thoughts #tomyself

0 notes

adiyo011 · 10 years ago

Photo