#incorrect dc quotes

[incorrectbatfam]

I love your blog, also can I have Dick Grayson annoying his siblings pls?

Duke: *checks the traffic*

Duke: Damn, forty-five minutes to school?

Dick: You think that's bad? Back in my day, I had to trapeze uphill in the snow both ways.

———————

Tim: *on the phone*

Dick: *sitting next to him eating loudly*

Tim: Can you not?

Dick: *smack* Lemme think. *smack* No.

———————

Dick: *knocks a vase over*

Cass: Ooooh.

Dick: Alfred, Cass broke the vase!

———————

Steph: *eating*

Dick, across the table: Can I try some?

Steph: No.

Dick: *ties a fork to his grapple*

———————

Damian: *painting while drinking tea*

Dick: *swaps the cups*

Damian: *takes a sip*

Damian, sputtering: GRAYSON!

———————

[Jason's safehouse]

Jason: *cooking*

Dick: *perched outside the window*

Jason: No, you can't have any.

Dick: *presses his face against the glass*

Jason: Go away.

Dick: *rubs fingerprints all over*

Jason: *closes the curtains*

[incorrectgothamcity]

Damian: What is love? Jason: An emotional minefield. Tim: A neurochemical reaction. Dick: Baby don't hurt me.

[super-marvel-dc]

Dick: *Looking out of the kitchen window* geez- what the hell?!

Dick: Jason, why is Y/N tied to a tree?!

Jason: I put them in time out.

Dick: Why?

Jason: Because, when we went to McDonald's earlier some kid threw his french fries on the floor and his dad told him if he did it again he was going to spank him...

Jason: Y/N threw their fries on the floor...

Dick: ...

Damian, walking into the kitchen: Why is Y/N tied to a tree?

Jason, and Dick: They're in time out.

[gothamundernightlight]

Incorrect Batfam Quotes

Bruce: I hope one of you has a good explanation for this!

Bruce: *points to the Batmobile, which is on fire and upside down

Dick: We have three, actually!

Jason: Yeah, you just have to pick your favorite!

[hairstyleofme03]

My issues are angry.

- Jason Todd

[wondersinwaynemanor]

i just know that one of Dick's favorite movies is The Devil Wears Prada.

so here's me presenting a few lines from the movie that Dick definitely uses in his daily life.

---

Dick, with a stuffy nose: B, what time does the gala start tomorrow?

Bruce, frowns: It will begin at 7 in the evening. But hey, Chum, you feeling alright? It seems as if you have a cold.

Dick, pinches the bridge of his nose: No, no. It's nothing. I'll be okay.

Bruce: You sure? I mean, Tim and Duke will be there. You don't need to-

Dick: I'm not sick, B. I'm not sick. I refuse to be sick, I'm wearing Valentino for crying out loud.

Bruce, blinks: Um. Yes, yes you are, Chum.

---

Dick: Little Wing, what are you wearing??? I told you to wear the grey and black top with the black boots. I put that together for you! Why are you wearing that jacket instead?

Jason, rolls his eyes: To be honest, Dickface, I don't really care about what I'm wearing.

Dick: You should cus fashion deserves to be cared for!

Jason: I don't give two fucks about that stuff.

Dick: Stuff? Oh. Okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select… I don’t know… that lumpy black jacket for instance because you’re trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back...

Jason, rolls his eyes: You're really quoting to me? To me?

Dick, groans: We get it, Jay, you're the literate one. I can read too, ya know.

Jason: You mean repeat that movie over and over?

Dick, blushes: Hey, you watch it with me!

---

as Nightwing ties up the goon, he stares at the shirt he's wearing.

Goon, spits blood on the floor: What are you staring at, Wing?

Nightwing, clicks his tongue: You have no style or sense of fashion.

Goon, blinks: What does that have to do with--

Nightwing, shakes his head: No, no, that wasn't a question.

---

Batman, shoving the goon on the wall, growls: Talk!

Red Hood, his hand on his holster: You better start opening your mouth or I'll blow it up.

Goon, shivers from fear: Fine, fine... It wasn't me. I was paid an amount.. I needed--needed the money.

Red Robin: Then what was the kid doing in your apartment???

Black Bat looks like she's ready to knock the goon out any minute.

Goon: It wasn't me, I swear. Please, believe me. I'm innocent. It was-

Nightwing, raises his hand: Details of your incompetence do not interest me.

the rest of the Bats look at Nightwing. white lenses of their masks or cowls would definitely scare anyone. especially when they're staring at you like that in the darkness.

Nightwing, smiles: What?

---

Dick, finishes the information of their plan: Okay, that's it. Does anyone have any questions?

the rest of the Titans members either shake their head no except Wally, who is smiling up at Dick like he's the sun.

Dick: Oh, to add, don't forget to have the serum on your suits as the toxins in that planet may be deadly. Okay?

the Titans nod at him.

Dick, smiles at his team: That's all.

Donna, giggles: So how many times have you seen The Devil Wears Prada this week, Boy Wonder?

Wally, shakes his head fondly: I think it's too many to count.

Dick, laughs: No one shall judge me.

[ahfrickenfrick]

dick: you can’t just do that, it’s illegal

jason: pft what are you, a cop?

dick: ……

jason: no…

dick: listen- jay it’s-

jason: NO

[galaxymagitech]

Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?

Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—

Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.

Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.

Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.

Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.

Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?

Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—

Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?

Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!

Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—

Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!

Damian: I’m the perfect heir.

Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.

Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.

Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.

Cass: Barbara is good.

Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.

Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.

[yjcorefourenjoyer]

AU that the batkids are all serious and bat-like ONLY WHEN BATMAN ISN’T AROUND

Like when they’re on their own team/out of Gotham? Most respected, calm and serious person there. They have a plan and it will work. “Oh yeah I memorized all the exits and people here the second I entered, you didn’t?” That’s them.

But in Gotham w/ Batman? Pranks galore and singing on patrol, they forget to sleep and forget to eat. When Batman tells them their gonna have a longer patrol they all sigh and complain while trying to give other siblings their work in exchange for doing that sibling’s chore.

But nobody knows that they act like that!! Batman would say something like

“Gosh my kids blew something up I have to go,”

AND EVERYONE WHOSE EVER MET THEM IS ALL CONFUSED LIKE “BUT THEIR A BAT?!?! HUH??!”

and Batman would respond

“Oh yeah you know them, always doing something their not supposed to”

JL: “NO?!”

[vivianthepigeon]

Tim: “I need to tell you something”

Bruce: “What did you do??”

Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”

Bruce: “what did you do???”

Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”

Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”

Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”

—————

Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“

Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”

Jason: “I got a DUI”

Bruce: “Jason!”

Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”

Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”

Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”

Bruce: “I don’t follow.”

Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”

Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”

—————

Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”

Jason: “He knows.”

Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”

[incorrectbatfam]

Stephanie: What's for lunch?

Harper: Food, usually.

Stephanie: No, I mean what are we having?

Harper: An unwanted conversation.

[incorrectgothamcity]

Alfred: Bruce ... Bruce : Oh no, 'Bruce ' in B flat. Bruce : You're disappointed.

[arrowmaker15]

(Red Hood and Red Robin sitting on a rooftop while on patrol)

*silence*

Red Hood: Wanna fake a fight to make B think I'm turning back into a supervillain?

Red Robin: Oh, definitely.

[batfamgalore]

*All the batboys have plans to see a concert in Gotham, but there’s an Arkham break out so now all hands are on deck*

Jason: Oh, great.

Tim: I hate my life.

Bruce: Look, guys, I know how much you were looking forward to seeing that show. But there will be other concerts.

Dick: No, there won’t. The fact that this one’s happening is a miracle. Nobody good ever comes here because we keep killing each other.

[unidentifiedgothamite]

duke: who do you guys think is bruce's favorite child?

jason: it's probably fingerstripes

dick: me?! it's obviously you, jay

tim: it's jason

steph: facts. b lets him get away with everything, including murder

cass: jason

damian: as much as i loathe to admit it, father does treat todd differently

jason: ya'll are trippin'

meanwhile...

clark: b, just curious, but, do you have a favorite child?

bruce: hn, what date is it?

clark: um, may 12th?

bruce: then it's batcow

clark: what

bruce: did i stutter?

[bruciemilf]

Jason Todd, age 12: Never back down never what!!

Bruce Wayne, 25, a single mom having a breakdown over ordering at McDonald's: never give up

Jason: NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT!

Bruce, crying like crazy: NeVeR gIvE uP