Comparisons Pt.2
Jason Todd x Jealous!Insecure!Fem!Reader || Angst/Fluff || Word Count: 2,730
Part 1
Warnings: insecurities (reader). Bad self esteem (reader). Criticizing oneself in the mirror (reader). Black eye (jason)
Have at ‘er guys.
The first thing you did once you got back into your apartment was throw your bag on the floor. The next thing you did was slump back against the door and slowly slid your way down until you were sitting on the ground, knees to your chest, head tucked into your folded arms.
Your eyes had been burning the entire walk back. Your throat was tight and especially your lungs from how fast you had power-walked.
Now that you were out of the public eye, you let the tears finally fall after trying so hard to hold them back.
Thank the crime for Gotham’s low rent. You didn’t think you’d be able to make it to your bedroom to hide your oncoming sobs if you had been living with roommates.
You were exhausted. You felt entirely stupid, too. As if you weren’t enough for Jason. Artemis had everything. Everything you didn’t and more.
You were beginning to think he had settled for you.
You knew he could pull attractive women. Could pull damn gorgeous women. He was entirely handsome himself, even though he never saw it.
Nearly every time you two were out he would have people coming up to him. Flirting with him. Asking for his number. Even when you were right there, his arm around your shoulders or your waist. Or if he was alone because you had gone to the bathroom. That was when they came out of the woodworks the most. It’s like even they could tell you were subpar for him.
The thing is: Jason would never even look at them. No matter how long they stood there. Usually, when he had ignored them for long enough and was getting annoyed, he would pull you into a deep kiss. He wouldn’t stop until he was sure they had left.
You couldn’t even explain why you felt like this. Jason had done nothing to prove that he didn’t love you.
But if Artemis, someone Jason had very possibly loved before you, was still in his life… what chance did you have at being allowed to stay?
Another sob left your throat. You were never in Jason’s league. Why ever pretend? Especially for this long?
You had overstayed your welcome.
Your phone buzzed in your bag. A call coming through. You sniffled, as you pulled it out of your tote.
Jason’s profile was displayed across the screen. A picture you had taken of him when you had dragged him out to the park a few months ago. You were both smiling at the camera as you took a picture. You had thought he looked so handsome in it. A soft smile, kind eyes looking a little off from the camera, the sun basking him in a sweet early spring glow. You had never liked the way you looked in that photo. When you made it his contact, you had cropped yourself out.
You frowned as your phone kept ringing. You didn’t want to deal with him right now. You set the phone on the ground in front of you, face up, letting it go to voicemail.
Your phone went black again. You started feeling a little guilty. Then, seconds later, it rang again.
You didn’t pick up. Even despite the guilt that began to chew at your stomach lining.
That call only rang four times before ending again.
A minute. Then a text message.
Jason: Just tell me whether or not you made it home, baby. Please?
You stared at it for a moment.
Another text.
Jason: I’m coming by soon either way. We’re talking about this.
You frown. He sounded mad.
Your head pounded lightly. A headache from how hard you’d been crying.
Maybe he was coming here to break up with you.
You’d obviously been delusional the past few weeks. Jason was using a case as an excuse to distant himself from you. To get familiar with Artemis again.
That had to be it.
Another text.
Jason: I know you’re seeing these, love.
Screw him. Screw him and his perfect grammar. And his stupid pet names.
You picked up your phone, opening the messages. You send back a simple “Home.” Before closing your phone again, placing it on the ground.
Jason: Thank you. See you soon.
Tears burned at your eyes again, but you swallowed them back.
You pushed yourself off the floor. No point in letting him see you, huddled in a heap of despair, still in your food splattered work clothes. Making your way to your bedroom, you began to change out of your work clothes. You automatically reached for the grey t shirt hanging off the post at the end of the bed, but hesitated. You stared at it. The far too big for you, men’s t shirt that was worn around the collar and smelled so much like Jason.
Your hand hovered over it before you stepped away.
He’d probably be wanting it back after this.
You stepped towards your dresser, catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.
You hate it.
You can’t even see yourself as yourself anymore.
You stand there, picking yourself apart bit by bit. Rifling. Dissecting. Looking to find something good, something likeable, until you’ve tossed every part into the “discard” bin of your mind.
You can’t even do anything about it. All your tears are gone. You simply hang your head as you step into your sweatpants and slip on your t shirt.
You crawl onto your bed, not bothering to climb under the covers. Not bothering to shower.
The sun was still shining in, reminding you of how you were wasting such a beautiful day.
Your mind was working against you. Coming up with reasons for why Jason would be with you. Why he would have done everything that he had ever done with you if he didn’t love you.
The most prominent reason was that he was just taking pity on you. He had the time on his hands to do a favour for the lonely, ugly girl because he had broken up with his gorgeous amazonian warrior girlfriend. He couldn’t be giving out favours anymore now that he had her back.
You laid there on your side, arms hugging yourself. You realized you weren’t out of tears. They continued slip out of your eyes and pool to the pillow below you. The occasional sob leaving you when your mind concocted something else outrageous.
You don’t know how long you laid there for.
In the silence of your apartment, you could hear the lock of your front door click before the door swung open.
You tensed, arms hugging yourself as you laid on your side, back to the door.
You heard Jason slip off his boots, the steel toes he always wore clattering against the floor, signalling his arrival.
Padded footsteps followed, moving down the short hallway. Then the creak of your bedroom door behind you that had already been ajar.
Jason’s voice was soft as he called your name, “You’re not asleep, are ya?”
You simply glanced back at him over your shoulder, twisting. He took up the whole frame. He was dressed the same as earlier. Dark blue jeans, dark grey shirt with a faded brewery logo on it, and his leather jacket that he hadn’t bothered to take off at the door. His sunglasses were gone, showing off the fresh black eye that you hadn’t seen. He held a bouquet of wildflowers in one hand.
Who brings flowers to someone when they’re about to leave them?
You laid your head back down without another word.
More footsteps. The bed dipped behind you, Jason’s weight settling on the mattress, sitting in the crook where your knees bent.
A beat passed before he sighed, “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, doll?”
His hand reaches down to brush away the hair that was covering your face. The second his fingers brush over your cheek, you flinched back.
Jason draws his hand back, “Talk to me. I know how your mind gets, baby. What happened today?”
You stared straight ahead of you, towards the window Jason would often use to enter your apartment in the middle of night, the sunlight shining through. “Are you going to break up with me?”
Jason’s answer was quick. Honest. “No. Never.”
You should’ve felt more relaxed, but you didn’t. You just felt more stupid, “Did you love her?”
Jason paused, “Artemis?”
You nod.
Jason shifted on the bed, bringing more of his weight onto it before answering, “I thought I did. When I was with her. But… no.” Another pause. “You taught me what love was.”
Stupid, stupid, stupid. You knew Jason loved you.
You felt horrible. began to cry again, your voice cracking.
You just… you just needed to make sure, “Are you only with me because— because you pity me?”
“What?” Jason’s hands were suddenly on your shoulders, turning you onto your back. His fingers brushed your hair back and cupped your face. “Of course not!” You met his gaze for a moment through a haze of unshed tears. You’d never seen him more worried. More concerned. More… heartbroken at your words.
His eyes drift to the wet patches on your pillow, then back to your face. He takes in your red eyes and red nose. “Baby… have you been crying over this? Thinking I was going to leave you?”
You look away from him without answering. A silent “yes”.
Jason sighs lightly, “Because of Artemis?” His thumbs begin to stroke your cheeks, “She was just giving me some papers for a shipment. She owed me a favour from a long time ago.”
“How long were you with her?”
“Eight months,” he said, though there was a flit of a questioning tone at the end of it. He corrected himself, “Nine.”
“Why have you never talked about her?” You see him frown, his eyes shutting for a moment. You feel your face burn from embarrassment at all your questions.
Jason takes a breath, “That relationship… wasn’t a good one. It was my second real one, ever.” He shrugs, “It was built off of shared trauma, I guess. Once the Outlaws disbanded we didn’t really have much of a reason to stick around one another.” He pauses. “Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’d even consider it a real relationship. More of a fling.”
There’s a beat. You still don’t look at him.
“You know I love you,” he says. You bite deep into the inside of your cheek. “You know I love you… right?” His words sound so distraught at the idea of him making you feel unloved.
A small breath left your lungs. “I know.” Tears spill over as you talk, your arms still wrapped around yourself, hands squeezing the flesh of your biceps, “But that could’ve been an easy hand over. Five minutes.” You tried taking a deep breath, “Why… why make time to go and have coffee with your ex when you can’t even make time for me?”
Jason cursed quietly under his breath. Your face crumpled, but you tried for keep it together. “She wanted to.” Jason said. “Trust me. I didn’t. But I need that information.” He shuffled more onto the bed, hovering over you. “You have no idea how happy I was when I saw you walking past. You were like some angel coming from heaven. I’m serious.”
The moment replayed in your mind. Your bottom lip wobbled uncontrollably as you remembered his consistent frown every time he had looked at you.
“Then why—“ your voice hitched with a small sob. “You only smiled at her. You just started nitpicking me the second she left. Started when— when she was still there.”
Jason sighed again, his eyes shutting, “I know. I was acting like an asshole. I know. I’m sorry.” He leaned his face closer to yours, thumbs swipes away your tears. “I just get so worried about you sometimes.” He leaned down, pressing his forehead to yours.
You sniffle again, “I’m sorry.”
“No,” Jason mumbled against your forehead before leaning back. “I’m sorry, baby. I was already ticked off that I was wasting time with her.”
You squirmed lightly, still hugging yourself, “I’m still sorry. I know you love me. I do trust you. I just—“
Jason shook his head, “No. Don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t have had coffee with her. I should’ve been picking you up from work.” He moved his hands to gentle grasp onto your hands, “Come on. Sit up for me, yeah?”
You followed his instructions, sitting up, crossing your legs in front of you. Jason grabbed a tissue from your bedside table, handing it to you to blow your nose. You felt like asking whether the case he was working was real or not. You decided against it, realizing his black eye should be proof enough.
Jason brushed your hair back as you blew your nose, clearing your face. “Why did you think I’m with you because I pity you, love?”
You look away, shameful, “Because… because you’re the first guy to ever ask me out.” You shrug lightly, “And… and no one else was wanting to. And I just…” You sniffle again. Jason takes your old tissue and hands you a new one, his other hand on your knee, his thumb stroking the side of it gently. “I saw how pretty she is and—”
“Not as pretty as you,” he gave you a soft smile, lifting your chin up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cut you off.”
You gave no reaction.
Jason paused, “…do you not think you’re pretty?”
You try and turn your face away again, shrugging, “I’m just so far out of your league. She’s not.”
“Damn right you’re out of my league,” Jason laughed softly, grasping onto your shoulders as they fell in defeat.
Finally. You thought. He realizes. This is it. This is—
He took one hand and tilted your chin until you were looking at him again. “Love, you’re leagues above me. You hear me? I’m serious. I’m so lucky to have someone as sweet and caring as you.”
You begin to shake your head. Jason firmly yet painlessly pinches your chin between his thumb and forefinger, stopping you. He begins to nod your head. Up and down. Forcing you to agree with him.
He presses his thumb into your bottom lip. He pulls it down and back up over and over again, mimicking speech as if you were some puppet. He pitched up his voice and octave, “Yes, Jason! I’m the most gorgeous girl you’ve ever seen!”
You can’t help it. A smile tugs at your lips. You pull his hand away and hold it with both of your own as you place a kiss to it.
Jason grins, tilting his face down to yours, “There she is. There’s my girl.”
You shake your head at him, “I’m sorry for thinking you were going to leave me for her…”
Jason smiles softly, “No more apologies. I know how your mind is.” He tilts his chin up and pressed another kiss to your forehead. “Evil mind.” He mutters against it, making you giggle.
You hum lightly, leaning into his touch. “What happened to your eye?”
Jason scoffed lightly, “Some thug last night. My helmet was already broken. He got a good right hook in.”
You smile up at him. You sit up straighter, pressing a feather light kiss to the edge of the bruising.
Jason hums in satisfaction, “Thank you, baby.” He smiles again, looking back at you. “What do you want to do now? You’ve got me until nine.”
You perks up, “Nine? But it's already four! Don't you have to read those papers? Don’t you have to—“
Jason smiled and shook his head, cutting you off, "Already did. I just have to intercept that shipment tonight and then you'll have me all day tomorrow, too. I’ve got nothing else but time to spend with my girl.”
Your smile grows a little wider, "Really?"
Jason nods, "I promise."
You play with his fingers as you think it over. Rubbing a thumb over his knuckles, picking up each digit and curling them and straightening them again, "Can we go for a ride?"
Jason grins, "Course, love. Where's your helmet?"
AHHH!! Hope you guys enjoyed!!!!
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