yumenagas
905 posts
i love you more than anything my darling♡
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“I want to tell you I miss you with no subtext. No guilt, no anger, no expectation that you’ll fix it. I don’t want you to feel bad or to tell me it will get better. This is where we are meant to be right now – me apart from you, my hands a little empty and my heart a little sad. I just miss you. I wanted you to know.”
— anne, fyi
#on quiet days i allow myself to think of you still#i hope youre doing well and that college and stuff is still going good#please remember to always take care of yourself ! keep hydrated !!! >.<
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“I think about you. But I don’t say it anymore.”
— Marguerite Duras (via naturaekos)
#if u believe i don’t still think of you or feel the hole u left ur kinda silly i think#im still reminded of you in songs i listen to things i watch just stuff in general#but i also realized i derserved to allow myself to move on and be happy#i loved you and a part of me always will you will always have a place in my heart#but you had also said it in your own words when things were ending#there wasn’t any real future for us#as much as we loved to pretend there was there just there wasn’t#we had our own lil past but for the sake of us both to be able to move on i think there is no chance of any future not even as friends#i wouldn’t even be here writing this but it’s a bit selfish heh but it’s mainly for my own closure to let things go#like let them go completely#i actually have someone else i love now#his name is paul and he means the absolute world to me#he makes me so happy and i wish the same for you#i hope you find someone who sweeps you off your feet and makes you so beyond happy#you deserve to be happy and loved and i wish you nothing but the best maira#thank you for everything goodbye maira xx
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When I said, I will love you forever,
I meant, I will love you until I stop loving you.
& then, I will leave gently.
I will hope your next good love lasts the rest of your life. & I do. I do.
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#i just wanna lay and talk about everything and nothing with you#ur still one of the only people i trust more thn anything#i just wanna talk at well now time like we always did nd laugh over stupid stuff or evn just sit in silence#i miss you alot#ur still my best friend yknow#thank u for the birthday wishes tbh it kinda felt like a blur so im not really sure if it was good? sorry ;;#im sorry i havent messaged im just nervous?#i dnt know if tht explains it actually#im scared#maybe thts a better term#scared#i wanna message u but ifeel bad bc i didnt respond but i just Aaa ugdhhd i dont know#i just i dont want it to be weird and im worried it will be#maybe im overthinking it#im still working out how to pick up whn i begin to overthink so thank u for bearing with tht#i have friends i wish i could tell u about#i met them through daniel n his bf but i wouldnt trade paul for anything honestly nd dylan i havent talked to as much but hes pretty funny#nd hailey i actually kinda knew in school im a little weary of her but shes been nothing bt nice so far so we’ll see#pauls the one i talk to the most n hes rlly nice hes patient whn i get well u know how i get sometimes wth apologizing too much n stuff#hes rlly smart nd fun i think weve gone on a few hikes together wth everything going on bt hes been quartined too so yeah#i hope tht made sense apologies hddbhd#but just yeah hes rlly nice dont tell the group but i like him the most 🤧#i hope youre doing well with everything nf ur family has been treating you well#n i hope u havent been overworking urself with hw if ur doin the online classes#be sure to take care of yourself please?#m getting a little sleepier so gnight maira i hope u sleep well i love you n will hopefully talk to you soon if thats okay?#i dont wanna make u uncomfortable or sad nd just ndhfdb hhngng yes.#idk how to explain wht im feeling so my hhrduxhxhbxbx uhhh h hvhhxh will have to explain it ig sorry rhbffn#gnight love you sweet dreams i hope ur in good health goodnight 😌💚
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#bt ur always walking away smiling always just out of reach#feels terrible#m so tired and i can think abt is how i want to go back to when we were just laying together#not even neccessarily doing anything just laying n talking#felt nervous but still ultimately safe#you were so warm#felt like my home#you are my home always aha#i just want to lay in your arms so badly right now#we wouldnt even have to talk just lay together anything to be close and feel safe again#was i foolish for ever believing we could end happily#am i a fool for still holding on to that hope#im sorry maira#ik u probably want me to just take care of myself but its hard#i still do the bare minium if i can but i just im really tired#i know you would be dissappointed in me im sorry#feel so lost with so much going on#im so tired of things happening#not even neccessarily romantically just it feels like a piece of me is missing#you were one of the first people i felt such a strong um kinship? connection? im not sure on the word im sorry#i mean ig youll understand what im trying to say if u feel the same otherwise sorry#im sorry#im exhausted#so mgnna try to rest for a little i think#um goodnight#sleep well#sorry
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#i hope youre well#i apologize for not responding well#i am trying my hardest to come back to myself after being very far gone ths past month aha#right now my main focus is casper n trying to catch up n show as much love as i can muster but i will do my best to talk to u too when i can#im also going to the doctor in a few weeks bc moms been worried and quite frankly i really do need help haha#itll maybe lead to me getting therapy but just i gotta start somewhere again#im so tired#i dreamed abt one of my old friends his name was brendan n he was pretty nice compared to well everyone else#i think i shouldnt of pushed the few people who tried to stick around even woth everything cheyenne did#all i did by doing so was hurt others and isolate myself#it just i dont know my dream well more like a memory actually bt just got me thinking woke me up from my bad episode#i just if i didnt no um if i had asked for help and was honest with those around me about how i felt would i not be like alone now#i want to reach out to him and some others but what if they dont remember me? what if this what if that what if what if what if#i dont know how to properly well talk in general anymore#im scared talking to him n everyone will make me more aware of my own failures and faults even more#i dont know i feel so empty these days yet im still just scared i guess#i just want to live i i dont want to but god i want to#i dont know what to do anymore#god sorry#ths turned to a ramble i gotta stop doin tht meaning to say one thing n saying 50 more instead ugh#sorry#i hope lifes treating you well i hope nd pray school and lifes gotten better for you#u are very lovely and deserve so much happiness and sucess and i pray tht its coming to you#be sure to keep up with eating nd ur studies nd dont overwork yourself and remember its okay to sit and breathe every once n a while#u are wonderful nd as long as you keep up your best when you can it will always be enough because what matters is your wellbeing at the end-#-of the day n just in general yknow?#im supposed to get up in abt 5 hours if i can nd its tu b’shevat today so i gotta try to get up some n stuff for tht at least so mgonna try#to maybe get rest now if i can#i pray for your enteral happiness and i hope you rest well maira i love you much nd goodnight#thank you for being alive
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IT ACHES, IT ACHES, IT ACHES.
#i dont jnow at all#t hurts so bad#i jst wsh h#u were here bt thts lso nt lke allowef bt it doesnt stop it#i dont know what to do anymore#i want to talk but i just cant#i just want it to be how jt used to#friends lovers whafeveri dont care nymore i hyst want it allto be happy with you or i thougbt we were happy at lleast#i just dnt knw anymre#it jst feels so unfair i dnt know#i dont knwo#im thankfull fr evrythng but i alo jst#im jst sorry#i just wan you around again but i lso fnt knw bc ik u feel weird bt evrythin too b i hyst#im sorry
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#i dont know what to do anymore#i#i love you maira#mosrry i couldnt be more couldnt be better#i really am#miss you more thn anything ahah#wish we could of got to spend at least one christmas together#wish we couldve done alot more#just wanted to make you happy but how could i do tht whn im not even happy myself haha#i got rid of the ring i had for you#it was gonna be a suprise on halloween but well yknow#im sorry i havent texted back#i just im still in love with you and it hurts#god it hurts#i just im sorry maira#thanks for bein patient as always or well at least not yelling at me for taking my sweet ass time#i love you so much and im sorry#thank you#um goodnight
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“The princess saves herself in this one” by Amanda Lovelace
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i wnted t marry you
#ts all l i cn thnk abt n ihte it#it hrts so mch tnght dmn it#msrry maia#msrry#ilove you#i lpve tou so mchh
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Sometimes, I don’t even know who I am or what I want to be or what I want to do. But the one thing I’m more sure of than anything is that whatever I do, I want you to be a part of it.
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(untitled)
whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder was right
but
distance will also make you think about her every time rain paints your window
it will make you pretend that your pillow is her warm body nestled into your curves
it will make her face glow in your mind every time a song mentions a kiss
(whether or not it’s a happy song)
it will make your friends grow inwardly tired of hearing the same story over and over because you haven’t been able to make new memories with her yet
it will make you learn how to tell the passage of time without a watch because youre always counting down months, days, hours, and minutes
it will make you more careful with your money because you need it all to see her and you want to take her out for so many dates to make up for the past few months
it will teach you your best selfie angles and your favourite filters because you send pictures to her every other day
it will show you how hard it is to understand tone and sarcasm over text - especially when you already struggle with that in real life
it will make you hold your own hand at night so you can imagine you’re falling asleep holding *her* hand
it will get you to spend hours curating the perfect long distance playlist for her, only to feel too embarrassed to actually share it
“l-o-v-e” will caress every thought and pierce you with its sharp pink edges, but you’ll wrap it up with blankets of “you’re so beautiful” and “I miss you” and “I had a dream about you” because you want her to hear those four letters before she reads them
you will notice everything wonderful about your home that never before crossed your mind, because you will imagine how wonderful and tiny she would look in front of the mountains
you will realize how much easier it is to just TALK about your day instead of typing it all out when your eyelids are being held down by the weight of exhaustion
you will worry that you’ve forgotten the sound of her voice until the next time you skype her, when you’ll realize that it’s impossible to forget your favourite music
you will see her face everywhere - in the sun that blinds you while you drive, in the forest that speaks to you as you tell children about how magical bees are, in the flames that laugh when you burn your third marshmallow, in the moon that lights your way when you forgot your flashlight, in the Perseids that you stayed up too late to watch, in the night sky that’s so clear, you can taste the milky way
it will be worth it when she meets you at the arrival gate with a smile that could melt the canadian tundra
it will be worth it with every kiss you share to make up for 344 days apart
it will be worth it when the pillow you imagined as her becomes the pillow you share with her
it will be worth it when her voice is pure and clear, no longer filtered through an internet connection
it will be worth it when you can listen to the playlist you never sent her while candles light up your room and you can both smell the rain hitting the pavement outside
it will be worth it when the moon light her lips between kisses
hold in there
#hhfhhnhzxnrbrdbdfnfncncnnfncjcjcbcjfkc#i love you so much baby#i love you so so so much#i love you i love you i love you#im in love with you maira
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(untitled)
whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder was right
but
distance will also make you think about her every time rain paints your window
it will make you pretend that your pillow is her warm body nestled into your curves
it will make her face glow in your mind every time a song mentions a kiss
(whether or not it’s a happy song)
it will make your friends grow inwardly tired of hearing the same story over and over because you haven’t been able to make new memories with her yet
it will make you learn how to tell the passage of time without a watch because youre always counting down months, days, hours, and minutes
it will make you more careful with your money because you need it all to see her and you want to take her out for so many dates to make up for the past few months
it will teach you your best selfie angles and your favourite filters because you send pictures to her every other day
it will show you how hard it is to understand tone and sarcasm over text - especially when you already struggle with that in real life
it will make you hold your own hand at night so you can imagine you’re falling asleep holding *her* hand
it will get you to spend hours curating the perfect long distance playlist for her, only to feel too embarrassed to actually share it
“l-o-v-e” will caress every thought and pierce you with its sharp pink edges, but you’ll wrap it up with blankets of “you’re so beautiful” and “I miss you” and “I had a dream about you” because you want her to hear those four letters before she reads them
you will notice everything wonderful about your home that never before crossed your mind, because you will imagine how wonderful and tiny she would look in front of the mountains
you will realize how much easier it is to just TALK about your day instead of typing it all out when your eyelids are being held down by the weight of exhaustion
you will worry that you’ve forgotten the sound of her voice until the next time you skype her, when you’ll realize that it’s impossible to forget your favourite music
you will see her face everywhere - in the sun that blinds you while you drive, in the forest that speaks to you as you tell children about how magical bees are, in the flames that laugh when you burn your third marshmallow, in the moon that lights your way when you forgot your flashlight, in the Perseids that you stayed up too late to watch, in the night sky that’s so clear, you can taste the milky way
it will be worth it when she meets you at the arrival gate with a smile that could melt the canadian tundra
it will be worth it with every kiss you share to make up for 344 days apart
it will be worth it when the pillow you imagined as her becomes the pillow you share with her
it will be worth it when her voice is pure and clear, no longer filtered through an internet connection
it will be worth it when you can listen to the playlist you never sent her while candles light up your room and you can both smell the rain hitting the pavement outside
it will be worth it when the moon light her lips between kisses
hold in there
#hhfhhnhzxnrbrdbdfnfncncnnfncjcjcbcjfkc#i love you so much baby#i love you so so so much#i love you i love you i love you#im in love with you maira
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