#im sorry i havent messaged im just nervous?

[ivysprophecy]

Am I Okay? Chapter One

warnings: i dont think there is any? drinking and cursing? i planned on writing a few drabbles here and there for this series so i figured the sooner i get comfortable with it the better.

word count: 1318

summary: reader heads to the beach after settling into her new home where she runs into a blonde who invites her to her party tonight. why not? cant be too bad... maybe shell meet someone new ;)

[ masterlist ]

from my understanding, being invited to a party by sarah cameron is like being invited by miss amelia mignonette thermopolis renaldi.

who am i to deny the "honor"?

in her defense she seemed so super sweet and down to earth so im sure its just people being dramatic.

honestly i wasnt even sure if i should have come but new home, new me. right?

she'd sent me a message earlier with an address and said to wait by the "hippie van" at eight so thats where i am now.

i hope im not at the wrong address and just loitering by someones van, i really dont wanna be arrested on my second night here. dad would not be pleased.

"Y/N?" i hear a voice call out from behind me, turning around i see a familiar girls blonde locks flowing from the ocean breeze.

thank the lord, i was starting to get worried.

"hey! sorry i wasnt sure if i should text ya that i was here," which wasnt a lie. i dont have to mention my raging anxiety.

"youre totally fine! you look super cute. cmon lets walk down to the beach and ill give you a little debrief so youre not totally unprepared."

"oh youre an angel sent from above," i smile following her down some path.

she starts leading me through the grass and down a small little hill where i can already see the beach in the distance.

"so," she starts "ill introduce you to my group of people that i hang out with but youre obviously allowed to venture out. so the boys are john b, hes my husband-"

"husband?? honey arent you like- 18? 19?"

"19 and happily married," she smiles genuinely, good for her i guess. could never be me though. "then you have jj, hes with my friend jess. pope is with kimmy, kiara and lex are together too. and then theres my brother rafe."

im guessing she can see my eyes blown wide because she lets out a chuckle. theres so much information to obtain i wanna go home.

"should i be writin this down?"

she laughs again but im being so genuinely serious, is it not obvious?

"i think youll get the hang of it once you actually see everyone since theyre all kinda grouped together. youll see once you get there," sarah and i finally reach what shes now clarified as 'the boneyard'? im not really sure why its called that but oh well.

after passing through a few partygoers we reach a small huddle of people who i assume are her friends by their excitement.

an absolutely stunning girl with the cutest braids comes over gushin at sarah telling her how cute she looks, and she isnt wrong.

"oh my goodness where are my manners, hi! im kimmy-" she turns to me rolling her eyes at herself, i assume at least. i hope it wasnt at me, in my defense i havent done anything.

"no youre fine sugar, im y/n- its real nice to meet yall," i smile hoping my voice isnt shaking.

have i mentioned im nervous?

"youve got the accent too! i could listen to you talk all day long- its nice to meet you too, pope cmere!" she turns around waving who i assume is her boyfriend who follows her motion heading over to us. "babe this is that girl sarah mentioned eariler, y/n, this is pope my boyfriend."

"i gathered that much," i chuckle, "its nice meetin you too. is there a place i can grab a drink quick? im a little too sober for all of this."

thankfully they all laugh, maybe i dont have too much to worry about. they all seem so nice im probably overthinking all of this.

"yea! sorry-," sarah looks over popes shoulder shouting, "jj! get your ass off the cooler and toss me a drink! what do you like weve got high noons, twisted teas, those blue smirnoff drinks, coors light... i think thats it," she turns back to me asking sweetly.

"beers fine. easy start," i laugh at her change in demeanor when she addresses me.

"beer please!" she yells back at jj who tosses it over.

he shouting back urging our group back over that way. "whos your friend?" a blonde next to jj whips her head around before smiling and waving at me.

"jj thats y/n- i already told you. she just moved here from texas? sarah met her earlier? do you listen to nothing i say ever??"

"mama i do listen but you say a lot of things. its hard to keep up with you."

"youre such a dick."

i head bobs back and forth between the twos bickering. "sorry do i know you?"

"no- sorry this is a bit awkward. im jess, im sorry im a bit of an internet stalker. wanted to see who you were when sarah mentioned you."

"no its okay," i chuckle, all these people are so sweet. "my best friends like that. im used to it."

"oh my god your accent is everything- i love it. also have you seen the hunger games triology?"

jj sighs and rolls his eyes at his girlfriends inquiry, "babe you cant just ask that out of no where."

"absolutely, hasnt everyone?" i respond naturally. of course ive seen one of the most successful series ever?

"ah ha! shut the fuck up jj-"

"yes maam," he chuckles handing her her drink back with a smile.

"so i see youve met kim and their boyfriend- this is jj as im sure youve heard. sarahs for sure filled you in on john b whos getting more ice... all thats left is kie and lex! i think theyre dancing right now though-"

jess goes on covering her bases thinking of who i have left to meet.

"they?" i turn to kimmy with an apologetic look on my face, "oh sugar im sorry i didnt know you were non binary you shoulda said something. i didnt mean to be rude."

"no you werent rude at all i didnt mention it."

"well im glad i know for future reference," i smile at them still feeling a little bad, thinking back to see if i accidentally misgendered them but honestly so much has gone on in the last ten minutes i cant recall.

"oh she hasnt met rafe," jj mentions nudging jess' shoulder. "hes talking to some old buddies over there though."

sarah rolls her eyes at her brother yelling over to him, "rafe! cmere!"

he turns at the sound of his sisters voice before brushing her off, clearly busy talking to someone.

"its really fine im sure ill meet him eventually."

"no hes just an ass sometimes- rafe!" she yells again and he finally turns around shrugging at her a little annoyed.

and holy shit is he a gorgeous specimen of a man.

thats probably not a good thing for me to think first time im meeting him but i cant help it. that man is hot as hell.

sarah points at me, trying to voice that she wants him to meet me as i stand there awkwardly, trying not to smile like an idiot. he gives me one of those frat guy nods with a cute lil smile and i have to admit it brings a blush to my cheeks.

bar is on the floor so in all fairness i cant help it.

"seems like hes too busy to even come over here. im sure hell make his way over eventually.

"its fine sarah," i open my beer finally taking a refreshing sip. "im just happy to be here. lets get this party started!"

to that the group hoots and hollers. im starting to feel more comfortable by the minute with them.

but all night it feels like there are eyes on me constantly.

i just didnt know they were rafes.

[hwa-ae]

Shinyu smut please! Any kind that you’d like

Nervous —

: ̗̀⇢pairings: shinyu x lesserafim member! reader

: ̗̀⇢synopsis: IN WHICH you decide to sneak into his dressing room when he was changing for dance practice recording to calm his nerves, after all, you're a more experienced idol, no?

: ̗̀⇢genre: fluff to smut, nsfw

: ̗̀⇢warnings: nsfw content, pre-established relationship, slightly subby shinyu if you squint, oral (m! receiving), reader swallows cum, minors do not interact (you are responsible for the content you consume)

: ̗̀⇢author's note: im so sorry this took so long to get out! i had so much work and things to do :((

Shinyu ♡

shinyu ♡: baby, im so nervous for the dance practice recording :((

[name] ♡: do u need help? i can come help calm yr nerves!! im nearby yr dance practice room!

shinyu ♡: would u really? please and thank u :D

you turned off your phone after reading the message, making your way to his changing room, where you assumed he would be at. this was the first dance practice recording he would have, and he has been stressing about it for the past week.

knock knock!!

hearing the knock on his door, shinyu got up excitedly, clearly happy to see you again.

"junghwan?" you called out to him after he opened his door, dragging you in immediately.

"i missed you so much, im really nervous for the recording... what if i mess up during the recording and we need to rerecord because of me?" he hugged you tight, mumbling into your neck as he buried his face into it.

"hey, its okay baby... i know you'll do well, im sure you wont mess up. after all, you've been practicing diligently, havent you?" you patted his head gently, caressing it carefully so you dont mess it up before the recording.

"mhm... thank you baby..." he mumbled out again, unintentionally sticking his leg in between yours, rubbing against your cunt unconsciously.

"junghwan... y-your leg..." you tried to warn him, stuttering slightly when his leg shifted after you called his name.

"hm? o-oh! im so sorry i didnt realise!" he immediately jumped out of your grasp, removing his leg from between yours and standing far away from you, embarrassed.

"its okay, its just that... i think i found a way to calm your nerves..." you said suggestively, walking slowly towards shinyu, alike a predator.

"w-what might that be?" shinyu asked nervously, shifting his feet awkwardly.

"you'll see..." you stood right in front of him, rubbing the bulge in his pants as it slowly got bigger as you continued.

"[name]-" he gripped onto your arms, eyes wide open, as he tried to process the pleasure along with everything that was going on.

"let me take care of you, junghwan..." you dragged him to a couch, sitting him down and pulling his pants off.

"is this all for me?" you held onto his cock, holding it next to your face to taunt and tease him as he looked away slightly, face covered in blush as he mumbled a yes.

you licked a long stripe on his cock, before swirling your tongue on his tip, making him let out a muffled moan while holding your hair back in a makeshift ponytail in one hand and covering his mouth with another hand.

"[name] please..." shinyu pleaded, eyes filled with lust as he looked down on you. you slowly took the rest of him in your mouth, bopping your head up and down while teasing that one vein under his cock with your tongue.

you hurried with your movements as he pushed your head down on his cock, not wanting to take up too much time as shinyu needed to go for his recording soon. after all, you could always tease him another time.

"ahh-! [name], gonna cum- gonna cum-! mmph!" he rambled mindlessly, thrusting his hips upwards to meet your mouth as he came down your throat.

shinyu panted breathlessly, watching as you swallow his cum easily, sticking your tongue out at him to show him your empty mouth.

"are you feeling less nervous now?" you rested your arms on his legs, putting your head on top of your arms, leaning on them as you smiled up at shinyu as if you didnt just give him the most mindblowing blowjob of his life.

"mhm... I'll make it up to you at home later, thank you baby." he leaned down, pecking your lips before standing up and fixing his pants.

"shinyu hyung! its time for recording!" you both heard kyungmin calling for shinyu outside, unknowing of what just happened inside.

"I'll see you later, good luck on your recording!" you wished him with a wide grin as he thanked you and waved goodbye at you, leaving the room.

© 2024, hwa-ae ♥︎

do not steal, plagiarise or translate my work on any platforms!

[yeondollie]

ᴘᴀᴘᴇʀ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛs ౨ৎ ᯓ ᡣ𐭩

. . paring ; ex! yeonjun x fem! reader

. . warnings ; ANGST .ᐟ, bullet point format, includes some text messages, mutual breakup, running into ex! yeonjun, yeonjun misses you, mentions of heeseung from enhypen, usage of nicknames (baby, my love, angel), just heartbreak :< .

a/n ; im sick surhhsjsh and i just decided to listen to taejuns cover of paper hearts and it made me so so sad and the lyrics mad me want to make this so please enjoy !! ♡

• ex! yeonjun who would still have a polaroid of you n him in his wallet even after the breakup

• ex! yeonjun who would continuously look at your instagram

wondering if you had a new partner or if you had posted any pictures of yourself just so he could see your pretty face again .

• ex! yeonjun who you’re still good friends with but he can’t bring himself to talk to you

he still feels a sense of affection towards you, he can’t just act like he doesnt .

• ex! yeonjun who decides to go out, maybe move on like all his friends told him to do

he decides to visit your favorite cafe , maybe to bring you back to him for a second . he just doesn’t expect to actually see you there, let alone with a guy .

• ex! yeonjun who looks dumbfounded by what he saw , heeseung ?

he ordered his drink, not taking his eyes off of the two of you . this couldn’t be happening .

• ex! yeonjun who gets home and tries to justify you and heeseung hanging out together

‘they’re probably just friends its fine .’ but he couldn’t take his mind off your pretty smile when heeseung would tell a joke .

• ex! yeonjun who ponders if he should text you, maybe it was just a friendly meetup

jun :p

i miss you im sorry i didn’t mean of it that night please come back to me my love

• ex! yeonjun who would be a nervous wreck waiting for your reply

would you think he’s weird ? why is your ex texting you like this ?

you

i miss u too i saw u today i missed seeing ur pretty face

• ex! yeonjun who would be in utter shock by your response

you missed him too ? what about heeseung ? you saw him ?

jun :p

u miss me ? who were u with ? i need u come back to me angel

you

heeseung he just needed someone to pay for him lolol i havent stopped thinking of u jun come over please ?

a/n ; hehe sorry this is so short but pt 2 ?

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas! im a big fan of urs and have been for a while

i can tell u havent had the best experiences with christianity. im really sorry about that :( i just wanted to tell u that despite how people (who should be demonstrating God’s love) have treated you, or what they have said to you, that God still loves you. John 3:16 tells us that He loves everyone; the whole world.

unfortunately christians these days spread more hate than love, but i hope to show u, and anyone else that reads this, that we arent all like that, and that the true point of christianity is to spread God’s message, love, and to help lead people toward Him, not away.

i just felt a tug on my heart to tell u this :)

thanks for reading! i love you and most importantly God loves you ❤️

Hi love!

This is so sweet, and I really appreciate it! I really wish all religious people were like this <3

Personally, I think I'm at the point right now where (you're right) I haven't had the best experiences with Christianity but I can recognize that there are plenty of good people who are religious. Past experiences just make me nervous, you know, and I think a lot of people unfortunately share that hesitation. It's something that a lot of people have been deeply hurt by, and that's super valid, because religious trauma can run deep. But I think as I move past those experiences, I have been able to start finding my own version of spirituality and peace with the world.

It's refreshing to see that religion like this exists though. Like, that people have this kind of genuine and safe relationship with religion. I hope that a lot of the religious anons who have written to me in the past about their struggles can see this and realize that it IS possible to be religious (if you want, you absolutely don't have to be) and accept people and yourself for who you are. Like...religion and hate don't have to be synonymous, no matter what people say. (I hope this came out right...like I'm not saying anyone has to be religious, I'm saying religious people don't have to hate on themselves/others for being queer lol)

Sending love!

[meatsex]

hey look i got a bunny :3

and some questions for ya (answer as many or as few as you want, no pressure!)

fav song?

fav red vox/vine song?

fav nin song?

fav nirverner song?

what's a weird piece of trivia you can't let go of?

what's something that made you smile in the past week?

if you had to compete in a sport/athletic activity, what would it be?

ik you like the meat aesthetic visually, but what other sense aesthetics do you vibe with? like, i really like the scent of coconut and the sound of metallic clanking and heat (this might be a really autistic question sorry)

do you prefer tv or movies and why?

is anime real?

do you believe love can blossom on the battlefield?

is there another light?

what's one thing in your room that's got a lot of sentimental value (story is optional but i love to read)

do you play any musical instruments?

do you have a favorite flower?

would you rather lose all your teeth once a year or all your toenails?

do you have any tips for someone about to go on t? i have an appt next week and i'm nervous...

what's one game you played as a kid that you're still fond of?

best month?

oh mein gott what a beautiful creature.. i hope you can bond with them nicely, they are so cute, they got a really interesting pattern that i dont see often but also im not that knowledgeable about rabbit breeds

im actually gonna answer a good amount of these wait

this is too hard but its probably close to meltdown/roshin yukai by irohasasaki (id say other songs but ill answer that with the next questions)

memories lie :') but also me oh well

closer (yes even after listening to so much of trents music), but also ruiner and a warm place (all from tds lol)

so far, dumb

trivia: in the game california speed one of the billboards has a strange message that says "sometimes, god takes mommies and puppies away, and sometimes, just sometimes, i do", supposedly it was just a placeholder texture but they forgot to remove it in the final release

i literally lol'ed and lmao'ed and smiled at vdub stream yesterday

i wish i could feel water more often outside of showers, its really comforting to me, i think i should incorporate it more in my art, i also miss the ghastly sounds of old crt tvs, i think all the other stuff i like is visual like rust and repetition/mirror images

movies are better because i cant commit to series anymore

anime is real as long as you keep believing in the true anime girls

yes

yes, i want to believe vinnys words

i have a postcard from the nc zoo that my friend macaulay sent me, also i keep tickets for every movie ive watched with my friends, im sure i have more stuff but a lot of it is in boxes

i dont but i wish i played bass (guitar)

i dont know flowers really other than knowing i like the yellow of sunflowers

that is scary

i sadly do not because i havent started hrt yet, however i wish you the best of luck, from what ive seen its not as scary as it may seem or sound

doom :)

september

[arospec-culture-is]

HELLOhello hope you’re doing well :)

for the floor or maybe for you uhm how does one come out to their friends as aro?

Like it’s never been a particularly big thing in my life i dont have any reason to mention it unless it’s relevant and ive never had the urge to, all my friends know i dislike romance in books/shows but not that i’m aro and that’s always been fine and it still is but i really want to tell one of my friends but i’m not sure how to go about it? It would definitely be over text i still get nervous admitting it to myself sometimes but i do want to.

Do i just pull up one day with “hey best friend i love so much btw im aroace” i dont know if she even KNOWS what that is (one of our other friends mentioned the term aroace once and she asked what that was and other friend briefly went over it, i could have told her then but two other friends who im not particularly keen on telling were there. (I do like those friends but they joined our group later on and we arent at tgat level of closeness yet)

went off a bit sorry i guess i AM a bit nervous and i havent even planned anything yet

hi HAI!! im doing well and i hope you too :]] dont worry about rambling to me it's totally fine!! also it's okay to worry

i understand you anon, i also dont view my identity as something /that/ important to warrant a whole coming out speech.

there are two ways you can go about telling your friend, first it comes up in a conversation and you casually slip it. they may ask questions, but if youre worried about staying the focus of the conversation you can always turn it back to what you were saying before. this is what ive done when i came out as trans and aro to my friends and it made me less nervous tbh

the second way is upright telling them. like send them a message (ex 'oh btw im aroace', 'did i tell you im aroace?' etc). it's the most nerve wrecking one but easier to get over with. i did this the first time i came out to one of my friends and it went alright. you could write 'i wantwd to tell you im aroace for sometime. it's when you don't fell romantic or sexual attraction, if you didn't know what it means'. like just copy and paste and you're done

i dont know if this js what you hoped for or if it helped but i wish you good luck!!

[femmetay]

are you going to be sharing this doc to your blog? i’m not sure if you said this or not so i��m sorry if that’s a stupid question! i’m just very curious and i’d love to know what you’re putting together. that is if you’re comfortable sharing :)

for the time being, at least until after taylor's shows this weekend, im going to share it only through private messaging (not anon) because i don't want it being posted yet. i dont want to share a theory that isnt fully fleshed out and confirmed by other people outside of my own head hahaha. i just need to make sure other people see what i see/hear what i hear and that i'm not insane and that these connections are real. i wouldnt want to share all of this just for it to be.. nothing, you know?

and to be clear this isnt about taylor's personal life or anyone's personal life, it's strictly music business but it's really important and has real connections that aren't based on a theory, it's just, there, in black and white, plain as day, for anyone to find at any time, and i just stumbled upon it. im currently working as fast as possible to get this typed up to share, because im really excited and i hate making people wait (im super fucking sick so it's been hard to process all of this let alone write it down, but i'm grinding bc i care)

once it's done i will post something more clear regarding it and anyone is welcome to message me and i will share it and trust that anyone looking at it will be responsible with sharing it as well :) please please don't be shy to message off anon, i will send it to anyone who is going to ask me and ill make sure my messages are open to everyone. sorry to be so weird about this but i havent discussed this stuff on this blog in a loooooong time and im nervous and just trying to be cautious and also respectful of taylor's work <3

[melissa-titanium]

havent heard from u or seen u online for a while i dont think.. n i wanted to make sure u were alright!!

AIGAG98AYH9G8UJD98EUJA9W08GUJDWEOI88JUSERHIOHJEDIUSHNBSGER09EIKRF9OJH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH . AH.!!! IUM M OKAY IM OKAY IM OKAY IM SO SORRY FOR BEINGLIKe. dead. the past While ijust. it usually takes me a couple days to Hype myself Up and respond to messages and im SO SORRY. iwas actually at my aunts over the whole weekend doing very important things (Binging TWD) and i. only really answer dms on my computer because i cant type as excitedly on mobile and that makesme NERVOUS that imight seem EMO AND SAD. WHICH I AM NOT !!!!!!!! i am doing well :) but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONCERN ENOUGH TO CHECK UP ON ME!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I AM OKAY I PINKIE CLAW PROMISE IM JUST. very ...very slow.... IM REALLY SORRY AHHHG!!!! i think i might get back to how i was pre-september again soon (hopefully after christmas) ive just had like. not "a lot going on" really just a NORMAL AMOUNT going on which is a Lot for me because im used to having Nothing going on Ever BUT IM RAMBLING AHH THANK YOU FOR CHECKING UP MY FRIEND! ❤️

[lovestrucksuggestion]

hey, sorry if this is too much or smth, but i really don't wanna tell anything to my friends i fearike it'd be "too real" AND OBVIOUSLY I WANT IT TO BE REAL BUT, i don't know, i feel like i'll jinx or fuck it up somehow if i tell it;;

hello, again, okay so, a few weeks back we had this thesis project 6 per group and ive had converstaions w all of them except for 1.

by this point i was lamenting over a past love, we werent necessarily together since we were like, idk 14 or smth when it happened and its been 7 years, we kinda drifted apart after graduation since i thought 'it wouldnt last anyway' and i kept rejecting their advances for a year or two, but i still liked them;;; anyway back in 2020 we got in touch again and i told them that i still liked them and i was just dumb and all that and they seemed to return my advances and ofc i asked if they were comfortable and not just going w the flow yknow and they said yes so.

i confessed and they said not yet cause of school stuff but they do like me still and so i said id wait, THEN it was all okay since we joke and all that but they always seem to reject when i ask them directly about us or like even just to meet up or smth, and ofc i get it so i try not to bother them too much until valentine's rolls in and they post smth on ig with them and their friends and theres this girl with a solo shot of her being goofy and smiling and i just.

idk i took it as a sign to stop since he always used to do that w me before so yeh.

and then like with school i just got lost in all it and directed every ounce of my passion so we finished some stuff quite early, theres only 2 big ones of them we needed to do so a member suggested to split the work between us six. one of thems easier than the other so i got grouped with the guy i havent talked to, kinda scared abt it but all was fine. i added him (lets call him graham) on facebook so we could talk in messenger about planning what to do and all that, then after i found that he's friends with another group member who happened to be someone im close with, kinda AND they messaged me so i asked whats up cause i thought it was abt the project and they reply with smth along the lines of "nothing, graham's just rlly overjoyed since u addrd him cause he likes u" AND IM WHAT CAUSE IM P SURE WEVE NEVER MET then he follows it up w "ure his type, smart and hardworking" AND I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO TELL THAT IM A FALSE ADVERTISEMENT CAUSE IM RLLY NOT ALL THAT AND IM SCARED OF DISAPPOINTING ANYONE

anyway they let it be and i didnt think much of it cause maybe theyre just messing around yknow so nothing much happened, we finished the project and everything's all right until we were grouped for another thing through our society/club whatevr and i was kinda nervous since its my first time meeting them and everything was fun actually turns out it was graham's bday last tuesday so i greeted him and we joked a bit cause wednesday's the club thingy, i didnt even know what he looked like since his pfp's from when he was a kid

wednesday rolls in and im in the library with a friend, a mutual friend of ours and he said hello to me and i was so happy somehow??? I DONT REALLY GET IT MYSELF I USUALLY TAKE SO LONG TO ACCLIMATIZR TO SOMEONE BUT LIKE THE CLUB THINGY WENT WELL AND WE WERE JOKING BY THE END OF THE DAY AND I JUST, i think i like him as well?? he even asked to take a picture with me he seemed so nervous i wanted to hug him I ACTUALLY THOUGHT ITD BE OUR WHOLE GROUP IN THE CLUB but it turns out it wasnt so !!!!!!

thursday comes and we messaged a bit (he chatted first, abt the thesis) we were in a seminar and i was a bit late that day so i was at the back and our other classmates r upfront w him so never really met, until a friend of mine and i were going home and we MET THEM ON THE TRAIN ISTG MY HEART WAS JUMPING UNTIL I GOT HOME SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT WHILE WALKING

okay sorry but like, tldr, im a bit afraid that i only "like" him cause he liked me first, yknow after i waited for the previous person and evrything for so long and receiving little to nothing ++ i think his expectation of me's kinda high im neither smart nor hardworking im just anxious all the time so i have to do my work quick or else i'll die and some part of me's still doubting his feelings for me as just a prank cause nsjdhbf idk im not really pretty too so whats up why is this happrning but he's so fucking cute (generally) and i am falling as well and im scared cause we'd be graduating in a year so what if this also doesnt end quite well and i end up losing a friend?

i kinda also wanna just come up to him and invite him for a date but yeh :( and yesterday my phone died and i was stoked to meet him but he wasnt at uni so i was kinda sad then i find out the previous person i like messaged me and idk they were kinda flirty and i feel bad if i leave them again cause ive done it once and i was only left with regrets so what if im just repeating history aaaa its so hard to like manage everything too if graham and i somehow manage to be together im not great at balancing things what if i let him slip away or smth

again sorry for this i just wanted to know what other people think i really wanna shoot my shot at the same time i feel like im a people pleaser so yknow what if im just doing this cause of attention or smth idk huhu thanks in adavmce if u answer this but no hatd feelings if u dont thank u boo

Hello, you seem very stressed out! Please take several deep breaths, put on some calming music and remember that none of this is life or death.

First of all, you're right to let this past love go, it's simply not in the cards and I'm proud of you for recognizing that. Throw the whole man away, if he makes you feel bad(even if he's not doing it on purpose!) you don't need that drama.

I'm not going to diagnose you with anything over the internet, especially not based on one interaction, but I will say that in this ask specifically, you are exhibiting pretty high levels of anxiety and worry that it might be good to speak to a professional about. Your university should have free mental health services, if you have insurance you can call and ask what providers they cover, and failing that, there are many therapists and psychiatrists who offer sliding scale coverage for low income patients.

Alright, now that's done, what needs to happen here is something that I know you will not like, but is pretty much mandatory-you need to have a conversation with Graham. It's okay if it turns out you only like that he's interested in you, and when you get to know him you're less into him. You're not asking him to marry you after all. It's also okay if you're not smart or funny or hardworking (I think you're being too hard on yourself, but even so, it's okay).

If you talk with him and express your interest, you can set a boundary on how you like to be complimented(i.e., low pressure compliments that don't comment on your abilities) and specify if you want something casual just to see how you vibe. Even if you graduate, you might stay together, or you might not. You definitely won't know unless you try.

Also, who cares if you want attention???? you're human, that's totally natural. You're not gonna go to Needy Jail for it.

All that to say:

go to therapy

figure out what you want (in general and from Graham specifically. You can do this in therapy)

stop talking to past love

start talking to Graham about what you want

remember that even if things end up less than ideal, it's okay

[queer-boo-radley]

Ok so most of this centers around part 8 (shock i know).

First the thing about signs in the beginning and end still has me flailing. Like holy shit, what a way to tie not only that part together but the rest of the story to! So yeah, still not over that.

So idk how to say it best but just imagine the 'thats growth' meme for Regina, especially in parts 6 , 7, and 8. Regina seems like she's really beating herself up over how she's handled things, which sure havent been the best, but i dont think she's giving herself enough credit. But that may be projecting my wants/desire for someone to love and prioritize and care about me in ways that require a degree of trust i dont have... but we're not going to talk about that! :b

Which is interesting because Emma has some heavy thoughts in part 8: “I feel like I tricked you, Regina,” Emma snapped, stomping her foot and looking up at her with a truly painful expression on her face. “I feel like I manipulated you into getting me out of my family. We met because of me and everything was great and sexy and just what I fucking wanted it to be and I did EVERYTHING I could to make you fall in love with me and now I just keep dumping all of my shit on you and now you feel like you have to do this or-” AND FUCK IF THAT DOESNT MAKE YOU WANT TO WRAP THEM IN BUBBLE WRAP AND PROTECT THEM AGAINST THE WORLD

... if you cant tell im excited to see where they go from this, because unpacking that /trauma/ will be a trip

Oh and the potential Mal/Mulan - look. I may or may not be internally screaming for various reasons. Im super curious to see how Emma and Mulan would interact in a little headspace, both in a playdate/camp in Regina's backyard and at the club.

*flailing* Thank you anon! I'm so glad you appreciate the signs thing. I know it is silly but I'm a really big believer in signs myself and have a little list of superstitions I usually adhere by out of habit and what-ifs lol. And I get it Anon, about the degree of trust thing. That is an incredibly difficult thing to place in anyone. Emma's words there about how she feels like she has tricked Regina kind of mirror my own personal issues with dating in a complicated way so I'm glad that you were able to have that same experience of relating/projecting with Regina lol. Admittedly one of the reasons I've been writing this next part so slowly is because it is going to set up what unpacking trauma and healing will look like for them and I want to do it right. It's very much a, Emma still has a LOT of problems that have to be worked through now and they have to be patient about it. And the Emma/Mulan interaction is going to be hella cute but what I'm very excited to write and have others read is the interactions between Mulan and Regina at the beginning of that section of the fic where they are not friends who play video games and smoke weed together, but a nervous little and a Caretaker who is "responsible" for that little. At least until Mal is like MINE.

Anyways, sorry for the word vomit but talking about my fic helps me write more of it so thank you for the long thought out message to reply to 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅

[ellabsprincess]

oh god ok im back to catch up on whats happening. this is a LONG one so im gonna try and put it like the messages (lets say pink is me and they are purple) and i got so bold i held my breath everytime i sent something i had butterflies 😭

you will make me twirl my hair n giggle istg oo good i like doing that to ppl, its fun to watch 😽 ur just making it worse STOPPPP 😭 hmm no 🥰 i like making people flustered [name] i did tell you i was a flirty person well you are succeeding i know why do you think im continuing with it oh my god id stop if it wasn’t working [reply to oh my god] you alright there? mhm sure what you don’t believe me no i completely believe you and thats where i don’t believe you 🥰 but anyways now what do you mean by that? are you trying to distract me by any chance hmmmm hmmm? depends depends? on what do tell i dont think i will 🥰 i could say something so gay and you havent been? no i most definitely have i can tell what more do you expect from me honestly im tempted rn are you suddenly nervous now? oh shush ykw fine ill say it just because of that [reply to i dont think i will🥰] i could easily make you 😽 happy? very good we’re so gay is that such a bad thing? no not at all good [they send a pic of them and their cat] that is the cutest pic ever only bc hes in it oh well i guess the cats cute ig 🙄 oh shush but i really dont think you want me to. do you? thats true good i started something here and honestly im proud of it and what would that be? well [reply to but i really dont think you want me to. do you?] whatever’s going on here? oh? using my own shit against me, smartass (THIS GOT ME SO BAD) what can i say? i guess i am a smartass [after talking abt their cats they ended up sending a pic of themselves] pretty pretty ahhh whehejdhd thank youu no need to thank me <33 yes there is hm? there is a need to thank you and why would that be because your being sweet to me nice giving me a compliment therefor how can i not? stop omg okay 😭🫶🏻 that was so sweet wtf i dont think you really want me to stop shush you aren’t supposed to know that part oh? shsushshshhs i switch up so fast its crazy contrary to what im saying, you make me nervous. in a good way oh? nnonooo shshhshshd my tummy doing flips bold of you to admit [name] well, did you not like me saying it? you know i did

AND AND AND WE WENT TO SLEEP BUT OMG THIS IS SO LONG SORRY also they they find this i will kms

-autistic loser anon

I FEEL SO HONORED THAT IM A WITNESS TO ALL OF THIS OMG

also the effort you put into this post omg you're so cute!!

ALSO YALL ARE HARDCORE FLIRTING OMG JUST LIKE PROPOSE AT THIS POINT AHHHHHHHHHH

the little "oh" I WOULD BE SHAKING

[scene118]

im so dumb today i cant talk to anyone w/o getting flustered ,,,....

[softpeachsoo]

Not to be on the straight side of bisexuality but uhhh im have a crush on a boy and need somebody to talk to about it 😣

[katyasrussianaccent]

you’re so golden (corpse x reader)

Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?

Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!

You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.

Call you in 15. 

You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.

Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.

“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.

The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.

The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.

Incoming Facetime Audio

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.

You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker. 

“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.

“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.

There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.

You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single. 

“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.

You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”

He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.” 

You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”

He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do. 

“People on the internet say a lot of things.”

“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.

“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”

“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”

He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.

“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.

“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.

“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”. 

“And what would you cook for me?” he asks. 

You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”

He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I’ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”

You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.

“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.

He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”

“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

“You could always sing some for me,” he offers. 

You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”

“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.

“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.

“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.

You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.

“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.” 

You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.

It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in. 

“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.

You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it. 

“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”

“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time. 

“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”

“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.

“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts. 

“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.

“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.

The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar. 

The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.

“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for. 

“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.

“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”

“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.

“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.

“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else. 

“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.

“We can switch,” he replies.

“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.

“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.

You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.

“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.

“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”

“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.

“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.

“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.

You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.” 

Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen;  Felix has been killed.

“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.

“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”

“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.

“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.

“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.

“Oh. I was in um o2?”

“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.

“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.

“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.

“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that. 

“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you. 

“Hey,” you greet her.

“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body.  You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.

“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?” 

“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.

“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.

“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.

“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”

“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.

“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.

“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.

You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.

You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement. 

IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you. 

“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.

You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.

“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task. 

“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were. 

“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.

You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”

“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.

You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.

“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.

“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.

“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.

“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list. 

Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.

You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.

“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.

“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.

You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.”

“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.

“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.

“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?” 

Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.

“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.

“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.

“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.

“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.

“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.

“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.

“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.

“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.

You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.

“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit. 

“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!” 

You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands. 

“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.

TAGLIST (if youre bold, it wont let me tag): @teenageguitarist @fanworrior  @cherry-piee @mirahg  @clara-bee @cookinglovingalien @vir-tual @clubfairy @youretheonlyonewhomakesme @more-like-reyna @boiled-onionrings @moneybagmgk @brendalopez99 @delicateavenuenacho @dreamsofficialwife @hydrate-tion @little-red02 

[tourettesbabe]

hi ! hope youre well :)

so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"

ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).

basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.

also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated

sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3

Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!

While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)

I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.

You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.

Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.

If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.

As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.

I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.

Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.

Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.

I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)

Resources:

CDC's Page on Tourette's

CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders

Tourette Association: What Is Tourette

Tourette Association: Diagnosis

NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders

[queen-haq]

Haq! It’s just moved anon/Cat :-) it’s been a while!! I hope you remember me🥹

How are you? How have you been/whats up your way? Loved the new chapter of Alive btw. I’m actually more excited for Alive than AWR 😳 which i thought would never happen!! (I’m still in love with both, don’t worry😉) Cannot wait for Sage and Aidan to collide again.

Also I started stretching the old writing muscles! Thanks to you ofcourse! You gave me the courage to start writing more nuanced-ly (not sure if that’s A word). but i’m less nervous about tackling toxic/flawed characters. It’s actually a fun little challenge.

Sorry i havent messaged in a while! I recently got a new job so im a tad busy. Also sorry this ask is so long i swear it feels like i’m writing a penpal Hahaha 😅

Hey you! I missed your messages! How did the visit from your aunt and sis go? You got a new job? How exciting. Hope it goes well and you like it!

So awesome that you're writing! I'm all for people trying out creative pursuits. Writing brings me so much joy and fulfillment and I hope it does the same for you!

Im so excited you're excited about Alive! I am too 😛 I've been writing the newest chapter of AWR and it's been going well. It's a slow chapter with just Billy and Reader getting reacquainted which is both odd and exciting considering they used to be married lol