yourbrothersboyfriend

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

i’m like a dog in god’s hot car.

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

Todd anderson you get it

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

December 14, 2024

Dear Friend,

today was not as bad as the other days, but the standard is low when most days are bad. but, alas, my friend informed me she does not like car seat headrest - how can you not like car seat headrest?

the world felt ugly today. i saw two girls in the town today who reminded me of two girls i once knew. i won’t say they bullied me but they made me feel so bad i started hating them, and sometimes little sixth grader me wanted to put an end to them.

but i didn’t, thank the stars i didn’t, but anywho, they haven’t changed. they are still the mindless, self-obsessed, egoistic, pretty-on-the-outside, ugly-on-the-inside people.

[are you going to eat all that?]

but experiences are what shape your life, right?

[(…) looks really ugly today …]

good lives make bad stories.

[y’know, over 40 is overweight.]

and people can always change. or rather, i hope people change. and in the end, hope is all we have. and we can’t get all we want. i’ve never gotten everything i wanted, no, not even close.

i think you should listen to Between the Bars by Elliott Smith. a very beautiful song that makes me want to throw up and cry. i hope you like it.

Love, Oliver

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

i need a lobotomy and a sex change

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

December 12, 2024

Dear Friend,

today i have come to the conclusion that i am merely just an oxygen thief. it all waters down to that. for all of us, actually. every living creature, every single one of them.

but humans are the worst. we, us, the superior species. we’re fantastic at living. we push against our own instincts, push past the limit of potential, but somehow we still manage to fuck it all up.

and it’s so great. exceptional.

i’m not any better. i could do change. we all could, if we really wanted to, but do we really? are any of us trying? are you? am i? please? please?

i will spend my whole life basking in envy that rots my soul until it all withers away.

[friend], why do people look at me weird when i say we’re all the same and we are going to die? they look at me like i’m this freak of nature, even though, it really is true. and i think people know it, that when it all comes down to whatever, we’re just another animal, trying to survive. but they don’t want to believe it, and i will let them live blissfully unaware like a dog on its one-way trip to the vet.

it feels sort of good, you know, when you know something another person doesn’t know yet, and you can watch as the realization dawns upon them as if you are a pedestrian witnessing a car crash. [you can’t look away. there is no lever. there is no second option. you are just a bystander and no matter what you do it WILL happen.]

what if you are the person in the car crash? what will you think, if you catch a glimpse of the person watching you? maybe it would be different if it was, you know, intentional. not literally, like today, when i was in the bathroom and it was so quiet i could hear my own heart beating and i couldn’t help but wish it would stop beating even though i know if it ever does, or rather, when it does, i’d regret ever daring to think such a thought.

[perhaps it is only when i lay on my deathbed i will realize every way i could’ve spent my life differently, and that no matter what i do i will wish i did it another way.]

i hope i don’t frighten you or depress you. i can’t say i hope you’re doing well because i’m not sure if i mean it yet.

Love, Oliver

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

December 11, 2024

Dear Friend,

i hope this letter finds you well. but it's fine if it doesn't, because you're reading this and that means your alive and that's all that matters. but all we can do is hope. i hope for alot of things.

for example, i hope the universe has a plan for us. i hope this isn't everything. that maybe, if we're lucky, or perhaps extremely unlucky, there will be a purpose to all this. all this joy, and all the pain. that in the end, it'll all be worth it.

but maybe this is all there ever is, ever was, and ever will be. maybe we infact are worth as much as the fly we squashed on the window sill. maybe our breathing matters as much as the the way the trees sway in the wind.

it's the only reason we keep going, isn't it? we hope and we yearn and we pray that there is a meaning. that there is some higher being who has a plan, because we sure as hell don't. we're just pathetic, and once we start to realize that, we start to realize alot of other things but i won't name them, mostly because i don't want you to be sad and also because i'm just a bit of a lying jackass when i say these things.

we pray that in the end, we're not just a bunch of nervous, anxious, uncoordinated, do-i-look-fat-in-this, addicted, yearning, self-destructing, ugly-crying, pathetic losers, and even if we are, we'll convince ourselves we're not. but what else is there to do?

other than that, i hope i get a discman for christmas, and i hope the religion-studies test i took today went fine. i hope everything i wrote about dharma and Vishnu and Mahatma Gandhi was right, and that the teacher will look at my text, think my handwriting is okay and give me a good grade, even if i'm not sure i deserve it.

Love, Oliver

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

★ INTRO !! ★

my name is Oliver and i am unfortunately just like other guys -

- i like bad poems, cannibalism as a metaphor for love, being some sort of atheistic satanist, romanticizing smoking, being homosexual, fucking the patriarchy and standing in the rain.

[i am also not original.]

no music, no life, so my current favourite songs are Dagger by Slowdive and Teen Age Riot by Sonic Youth. here are some of my favourite albums by my favourite bands :

tl;dr i have kimya dawson and slipknot in the same playlist. maybe some kate bush too if the sun comes up a bit earlier than usual

i also play drums in a super kewl super awesome rock-ish punk-ish we-don't-know-what-we're-doing band.

——————————————————————————

i'm a huge fan of any movie that will leave me sobbing or confused. or maybe both. queer relationship between two characters set in the 50s/60s but one of them ends up dying? sign me the FUCK up

but seeing a 6 ft tall man in a bunny rabbit suit is also just alright. if i ever do anything strange, frank told me to do it

——————————————————————————

buy me either the monster ultra white or the original monster w/o sugar and you'll get a sloppy wet kiss right on the forehead, from me to you, passionately.

——————————————————————————

uhh yea i play sally face. a very kewl, super awesome, super great yippie-ka-yay-motherfucker game that totally didn't make me cry first time i played it.

——————————————————————————

maybe you’ll stick around or maybe you won’t. throw an apple at the doctor or what ever they say. i post poems sometimes

OTHER SOCIALS :

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

★ - poem [3]

From Todd to Neil (Untitled)

the morning after you died i woke up

and was alone in bed

in the kitchen, your coffee cup was empty

and the house was silent

but the world kept spinning

and i kept waking up, day after day

and one day i woke up with company

it still wasn’t anything like yours

but it was fine, for you’d always be there

you’ll be the flowers i smell

the coffee i drink

the moon rising and the sun setting

and you’ll be the stars in the night sky

[ picture from Dead Poets Society ]

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

★ - poem [2]

(Untitled)

take me to the field of flowers

where heaven is a bowl of porridge

and tomorrow never comes

where love is pure and never a sin

and the dogs still talk

because they don’t yet know anything

[ picture not mine ]

[yourbrothersboyfriend]

★ - poem [1]

“Sunsetters”

let’s run towards the sunset

and feel our lungs get set on fire

we’ll be immortal

we’ll be eternal

until morning takes us

and breaks us apart

our time is running out

so we can’t stare at our wounds forever

and worry we’re not making enough memories

so i only wonder

is this who you want to be?

[ picture not mine ]