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While all the world didn't know I was alive, I ended up writing a song.

But then, my words were stolen away along with what used to be a smile.

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All this writing has become a desperate attempt to feel validated, to feel that my feelings are validated.

It was never meant to be that. It was meant to be therapeutic.

I don’t remember when it turned into a cry for help.

JustScribbledWords

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I wonder what kind of colors of such a world would dye my soul.

micchii

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“I suppose that the fire which habitually burns within us has ended. There is no way that it will mend the wounds which cry for help. But sincerely, I have loved you with all my heart.”

— Chuck Akot, from Memoirs, Des plaies qui appellent à l'aide

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Over the years, I’ve been groomed to care for you. I was taught that my lessons could keep you from making the same mistakes. I thought I had the power to lessen your pain by teaching you of mine. I thought my laughter could inspire you to take life less seriously, because I spent too many years feeling tense over frustrations I couldn’t control. I thought my love for you could teach you about the unconditional bond of siblings but you don’t give a shit. I have been groomed and trained to love you unconditionally and I have nothing to show for it but tears.

to my little sister // grazia curcuru (via prosebyday)

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baby blues

the anger in the storm

in its furious form

the darkness in her eyes

digging through the lies

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5:4

I softly collapsed on the sage and sweet grass Where the sleeping sands slowly crawled upon me And the sweltering sun had cast all the grains to glass Encasing me in full, amber tinted transparency; perfectly preserved Allowing any adventurous eyes in this uncharted forest to quietly observe Lost beside the peonies Locked within secrecy Lust remnants covered me in the form of dust; never to lose its piquancy Follow the pathogen of my lingering decay and chisel my fragile casket away Then sink that dagger of rebirth into my breadbasket to recreate me anew

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“I suppose that the fire which habitually burns within us has ended. There is no way that it will mend the wounds which cry for help. But sincerely, I have loved you with all my heart.”

— Chuck Akot, from Memoirs, Des plaies qui appellent à l'aide

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I’m learning to pick up myself again

Knowing that you’ll never reach out to me.

“She’s better.” That’s what I feared you would tell me someday.

And that moment, I gave up

Knowing that she’s better than I do.

Because how I wished you’d stay

Just to end things properly

But you left, without even saying goodbye.

You were my first love, the love that crossed the stars, but never met.

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By @ZiziFothSi

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It’s almost like I’m missing a puzzle piece that my memories no longer can recall.

micchii

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I decided to let you go, not because I don't love you anymore but for you to know that love has no boundaries.

You need to grow and learn that the world is bigger than you thought.

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“Now that I found you, and now that you were mine, you should know that my body will leave me over the time, but not your soul to mine.”

⁠— Chuck Akot, “Âme sœur”

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Standing on the terrace of a 12 storeyed building,

I decided to end all if it.

Bottling up grief deep inside my heart,

I mustered up the courage to erase my existence.

Closing my eyes, I moved a step forward.

Behind my shut eyes, I see,

The moments that pierced into my heart

The moments that destroyed the happy kid in me.

Slowly, I tried moving ahead.

My feet turned stiff and cold.

I realised,

I wanted to erase the existence of the sorrow I nurtured well in my heart

and not the existence of my soul.

I decided to fight these demons

and try to ignite the little spark left in me.

With a heart trying to mend itself

and a mind strong enough to not let myself down,

I ran back home.

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My mind is bound in this prison called "life"

It's a cycle created to distort me.