whiterockbellringer-browndustnod - Tumblr blog

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Oh, I've fucked up big time now. I knew it was only a matter of time :( at least the slo mo video looks cool.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Gotta reblog this again. It's strange, but I almost felt nostalgic when I read it again. Idk what to make of that right now.

I Chose Heroin

Out of all the drugs - meth, cocaine, pills, psychedelics, etc. When it came to my drug of choice, I chose heroin.

When it came to the ultimatum, choosing either my family & my friends or heroin - I chose heroin.

The only thing my mom left for me before she left me and my dad was a 24 kt gold necklace. But I got dope sick & I ran out of money. & When I had to choose between toughing it out or selling the most precious item I owned for dope - I chose heroin.

I’m a smart woman, I always made wise decisions. I’ve always been so responsible because I had to grow up quick.. But when my rent was due I had to choose between getting high or being homeless & like an idiot, I chose heroin.

My family cries and worries to absolutely no end, & ALWAYS gives me a constant reminder that we had to bury my big sister due to an overdose. They wanted me to choose to live longer, they wanted me to choose to make something of myself, they wanted me to choose to have a good life, but instead I chose heroin.

Don’t they understand? Heroin is the only thing I have that sticks around & makes me happy. I know I could have been a registered nurse by now, I know I could still have a home right now, I know I’d still have my family & friends at this moment if I hadn’t chosen heroin. But I did, I did choose heroin. & I don’t think I’ll ever be able to NOT choose heroin.

So as of now, until I find that there’s there’s a completely intoxicating, pleasant life outside of this addiction, I will always choose heroin.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Ahh, I miss this batch. It was actually heroin cut with fentanyl. It had been a while.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Hey man. Super proud of you. Keep going!

I appreciate the kind words. Positivity is what i need right now!

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Hey! How are you doing, man?

I've been worse...but that's not saying much. Kinda floating on the brink of getting better, or falling down the rabbit hole again.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

How do you make yourself wanna change... I'm sick of living this way but I can't seem to change my mindset. I cant take it much longer.

For me it just kinda happened. Idk if you're still on the app or whatever, but things change unfortunately. Gotta find what works for you the best. It's a lot of trial and error. Keep your head up man, you can change :)

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Time to get high. Got my new foil.

Get some down on there, .1g - .15g of fentanyl, featuring a new cutting agent with an exotic sounding name...our GREAT new pal.....xylazine! (/s if you didn't catch my sarcasm)

I usually smoke my down and meth separate, but sometimes I'll throw a little ice on top of my down. Depending on quality of the ice I'll put more, but this stuff is quite strong. A tiny piece goes a long way. Time to light up!

And that's that, a small speedball straight to the lungs. And a little treat left over for later. Time to nod out on the couch watching some Netflix.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

I'm sad to reopen this blog. I have unfortunately relapsed, going on 2 weeks of active addiction. I foolishly thought I could handle a little crack here and there. Which turned into every day in the matter of a couple months. Which then exploded into the full blown relapse I'm dealing with. My goal here is to not pick the needle back up. If I can avoid it, I'll stand a fighting chance. Here's a very fitting song I have recently found. It's about losing a sibling to a fentanyl overdose. Great emotional song. I only wish I could feel the emotions it is meant to provoke. I hope my brother won't be able to sing it truthfully one day...

"FENTANYL MADE ME AN ONLY CHILD!"

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

I've been self harming, again, for a while now. I've been actually planning out how to end myself. Idek what to do or think. I just hope others dealing with this are reading and can realize they're not alone. Its absolute torture.

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Also can you fucking idiots stop thinking/asking if I sell/use drugs. Your scheme is wack, drugs wack, attempts wack, capitalizing on addicts.......WACK

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

I'm fucking LOSING my mind. All I want to do is use......................bbbbbbbbruh

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

I don't want you to die. Please take care of yourself, your life matters to me.

Thankfully I'm still alive! Thanks for being kind :)

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Can meth give off a weird body odor esp dwn there

It definitely makes you smell like cat piss if you don't shower XD idk about specifically making your junk reek, maybe thats just a hygiene issue?

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Hey how are you?^^

I'm doing okay atm, in a mental fog, but I'm okay. Thanks for asking :) How are you, anon?

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Yikes, and it gets worse..

[whiterockbellringer-browndustnod]

Fucking relapse city on self harm i guess...