transformerskinfessions

[transformerskinfessions]

I miss my partners. It's hard to not feel as if something has been taken from me. I want to be angry, but I have no one to be angry at. Nothing to direct the blame toward. This just doesn't feel fair.

I'm not ready for it to be over. That can't have been it. It shouldn't be. I didn't do so many things. Red, Cerebros, I'm sorry. I wish we had more time. We deserved more time. I need you to know I'd do anything to give us more time.

- Fortress Maximus (fictive)

[transformerskinfessions]

I'm not usually a jealous mech. But seeing a huge section of the fandom ship my canonical Conjunx with someone else is just. I know people can ship what they want and I'd never complain about it publicly. But it doesn't feel good. I miss him.

[transformerskinfessions]

I can’t make any jewelry that reminds me of you, even though it makes me feel guiltier than the pit to leave you out. It’s just that… your memory hurts a little too much to bear. I’m sorry, Starscream. Maybe one day I’ll be able to make a bracelet for you too.

[transformerskinfessions]

RIP Skywarp you would've loved Subhumans.

[transformerskinfessions]

the funny little dichotomy of acknowledging that i wasn’t perfect and in fact hurt a lot of people because i was hurting and never addressed it, And Also everyone’s expectations of me were sky high and i could’ve never measured up to what everyone wanted me to be (#🔥☄️🏂)

[transformerskinfessions]

I think my simping for some characters in transformers is funny both kinshifted and not, sometimes I'll be thinking about how hot my situationship rival Megatron is but then also deeply missing my wife Elita

This is why I love megoplita

~ Optimus Prime (#🚛😼)

[transformerskinfessions]

It's funny. All my personal feelings about the Pharma in my memories, and now I'm friends with two Pharmas (Pharmi?)— one is my best friend, as a matter of fact. I'm glad to have met them both.

- First Aid 🩺

[transformerskinfessions]

Coming to terms with the fact I had and have depression. How many times do you have to listen to the Big Time Rush theme song to fix this? Rhetorical question. Probably five.

-Misfire, fictive

[transformerskinfessions]

Everything feels different . new. I don't know where I am or where they are. I don't want. I am vulnerable. I don't need to point that out. It's obvious. Small body. Thin walls. It's probably fine. It's probably catastrophizing. Or whatever that word is I'm sure. Hate feeling so defenseless.

I feel almost ashamed to use my name now. This isn't who I am. Small and like this. I don't feel like I deserve to use it. It'll go away. It will have to.

I'd really like to see my sparkmates again. Or friends. I have a cat, apparently. That part's good. Just the rest of it. All a mess. If I had more control. Or if I knew more. I'd be better. It's going to be fine. It's fine. I am going to be okay.

Fort Max, fictive

[transformerskinfessions]

Not to sound crazy but like. Anyone else REALLY liking water. Tastes so good. Love you water thanks for not rusting me

[transformerskinfessions]

I don't know where to start. I don't come out much. I arguably had a great day, which I guess might be why I'm so angry now. I don't like being here. In a system, I mean. The people here have been nice, my rooms alright, there's a bed I can sleep on. But "my room" isn't really mine. I can't really make any decisions. I can't choose what I want to study and pursue for a job, I can't paint the walls and decorate. What if I wanted to move, or what if I, for whatever reason, wanted to fall in love? There are so many things I want to do differently. Maybe another day I can be grateful for this "second chance" but for now, some second chance it is. I don't remember all the awful things that apparently happened to me. I don't doubt that they did, but I can't remember it. So I'm here. One second I'm there, and then I'm here. Still doing my job, whatever it is. Helping and organizing, and... I don't know. There has to be something. If I were able to communicate with him again, what would I ask? I mean, I wouldn't, but maybe he'd know somehow. I don't even know what I'd say if I wanted to. Might be better that way. It's not that bad here. I know it's not. I like things. I like my mundane work, I like listening to music. I like being able to do things without death hanging over my head. But... I wish I was able to be in control. I don't know when the last time I had that was. I just feel ashamed of myself. Tomorrow, I'll do what I always do. Tonight, I'll just hang my head a bit.

[transformerskinfessions]

sometimes i feel a little weird bc my kintype is also my favorite character who i never shut up abt but i just had the thought that of course Galvatron would be Galvatron's favorite. this is actually so in-character of me. i'm sure others can relate

[transformerskinfessions]

When I get Laserbeak shifts it's always so...awkward. Just me going silent and only observing things, kind of flat and monotone for the most part, although I do like being a bit more collected then I am otherwise. When I first discovered it what was weird was my body being a bit...jittery, not sure what that was about but it's stopped afterwards. There's some other things I won't go into but I talked about elsewhere but I'm going by the idea that some anxiety and odd behaviors are caused by not having a host / deployer. Lonely Casette...

- Laserbeak

[transformerskinfessions]

Somehow getting a concussion at work for the second time in a row is rlly validating to the Skywarp Life Experience™️

Idk if it’s concerning or not but it’s really fucking funny. Like yeah, I’m still a hazard to my own safety in every lifetime. Least with this body I can’t get stuck in walls.

[transformerskinfessions]

I try to remember my mentor, but I only really get glimpses or impressions. Drunk, defeatist, jaded. She barely taught me anything beyond how to dodge projectiles of varying sizes. I learned more from an on-site paramedic at the power plant I was assigned to. Sweet guy. Enforcers bashed his head in when he tried to stop "supplying".

Besides the fact the she wasn't that old but the state she let her body get to would have your eyes say otherwise, her defining quality had to be the fact she was a control freak. Maybe that's why I adapted well with where I eventually ended up. Her shack was brimming with components, or "payment" as she called it, and it didn't matter if it was an entire arm or a single lug nut-- if you bumped it, moved it a micron, there'd be hell to pay. Her fuel had to be a specific temperature and viscosity, and she would ONLY refuel at a set time in the evening listening to the same song. Her daily routines were not to be delayed or interrupted. She told me every chance she got that I came from nothing and would always be nothing just like her or anyone else from Kaon.

She drank herself to death, and I'm sure that was her goal. She rarely upgraded, much less repaired her components. Lifting parts from the deceased was a "reallocation of resources". I never saw her help someone for free, but sometimes people would appeal to her like that hadn't always been the case. She took an optic from someone once as payment for mending their shoulder. Her ankles were the only parts she ever put any effort into, and the rest she left to rust. She hit me once for trying to do help with the corrosion spreading in her wrist joint.

Her vocal speakers were raspy, predictably on the fritz. Her optics were purple and the left side had a dimmer glow behind the glass shielding.

Not a word of praise or support from her. I was useless, stupid, a burden, a bleeding spark with no clue how the world "really" worked. I don't think it was a front to hide how much she cared, either. She resented me for being stuck with her. She expected me to break like her. I hope she knows she was wrong about me. I made it out. I made a difference. I mattered. I didn't break. Mostly, though, I just hope she's happier wherever she is.

I don't hate her, but I'm angry at what society did to her. I hate that I'll never know who she was before... whatever happened to her. I hope she found whatever she was looking for, but I'm pretty sure it was simply nonexistence. I don't remember her name, and that's exactly how she'd have wanted it. Maybe it's selfish to try to remember her. Still... Thank you for showing me who I never wanted to be. I guess you taught me the most important lesson there is.

🩺

[transformerskinfessions]

Hey anon, I can’t post your ask as a confession because you’re asking for advice </3

[transformerskinfessions]

Lately ive been finding i dont see myself as my own person. I see myself as a decepticon lackey, a starscream repaint, a soldier with no real purpose than to fight a war i never wanted to be included in. I'm finding I don't really have any sense of identity, even after all this time. I'm a side character in someone else's novel. I'm still trying to prove to myself i am my own person, but it's hard to form meaningful relationships with this kind of mindset. I wear a mask displaying what i think people want to see and interact with because deep down i truly am nothing, and I don't want people to see me the way i see myself. /nav

another thing I'd like to get off my chassis:

I think my source is canon divergent, but how can I even tell? are these feelings a fantasy of what i wish it was like? are they memories from another kin or a different source? i just dont know /rhetoric

anyway, sorry for the rant

-Thundercracker IDW