tinaleighx

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I don't care, I paint the town RED. 🔥

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COMMISSIONS OPEN

Halloween is just around the corner and my comms are open for an adorable Pumpkin-Boo Chibi YCH! For more info see my KOFI!

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The Chronicles Of Being The “Sick Girl”

Hi, I’m Crystina or known by many as Tina. I’m a 25 year old woman, born May 14th 1998 and this Is my experience and story throughout my journey with Kidney Failure and my Mental Health. This is an open letter to any and all, from a casual reader to those with the same struggles as I. Further not, here we go.

In the early months of 2016, I was approaching the milestone of finally being an “Adult”, My 18th birthday. I was so excited. This is a big thing in someone's life but for me, It may have possibly been the worst events of my life. Although my birthday was fairly normal. I woke up and went through the day as anyone would. Looking back at it now, seeing myself. I was very pale but I thought nothing of it. Maybe I just needed more sun. As the months went on I started feeling more and more Ill, I had experienced an episode of a very rare disease called Henoch-Schönlein purpura or better known as HSP/Spring fever. I had unbearable leg pain to the point I couldn’t move out of bed. I thought nothing of this, my last episode was so many years ago when I was just a little kid. We were told nothing would come from this but this episode had attacked my Kidneys leading me to Kidney Failure. Which in a sick and twisted way is pretty funny. Imagine being diagnosed with a super rare disease, becoming one of the few to experience any kidney issues to then become one of the rarest to end up developing Kidney Failure. It’s not that funny but, my “luck” doesn’t work in my favor. After this my health would quickly decline. On the 4th of July of 2016 I remember my dad was grilling hamburgers, the smell. God the smell made me feel so sick. I remember this put me off hamburgers for years to come. But even then I never thought twice about my health or how I felt. I carried on feeling sick and always sleeping. I remember sleeping so much that I’m sure I slept for 23 out of 24 hours a day. I don’t remember much of those days. I wish I knew. I lost many friends due to this. I was never around. As the months went on and things got worse I remember once looking up my symptoms on Google. We’re always told to take google results with a grain of salt so I didn’t believe it when all things lead to Kidney failure. What once healthy young woman believes that she suddenly develops an illness like this? I didn’t then but I wish I did. I still continued to go on and push through all the things I felt. Getting more and more sick as the days went by. I remember watching the 2016 election from my parents bedroom floor. I couldn’t even sit up for longer than 60 seconds. I had tried many things rather than face the truth. I remember trying out gluten free freezer meals. “Maybe I’m allergic to gluten” I thought to myself and It helped, for one night and then I was back at square one. In mid November my Mom had forced me to finally go to the hospital. I went and It was the most overwhelming experience of my life. I remember having my blood taken for testing and I remember immediately being rushed to the back of the ER. I was having questions thrown at me faster than my brain could understand. I never had an answer for them and I felt extremely anxious. It felt like a scene from a movie except there was no one there to yell “CUT!”. They needed a urine sample but I could no longer use the restroom, thinking about it now I don’t even remember using the restroom a lot leading up to this moment. This is when It all starts to become a blur to me. I remember being anxious, I remember my parents reactions, I remember my doctor saying if I had waited any longer to come in I would have been dead. From there that night was a blur. I do remember being told I needed dialysis treatment immediately. Was rushed to have surgery for a port access. It’s all just overwhelming to think about now. If I hadn’t been so stubborn and caught up in the idea that I was invincible maybe things could’ve been different or maybe I’d still be here typing this. But from here the time at the hospital is all a blur. I still try to put it together to this day. 

After my time at the hospital I started Dialysis at a nearby client for the next 4 years of my life. I know what you’re thinking. “4 years? Some get twice as much!” and while I understand that it does not outweigh my own experiences and emotions. I was the youngest person at this client, I had seen many come and go in what I hoped was them getting the call but, with the age everyone was I can only imagine It was much worse. I had heard about people passing away, even someone I sat next to for a few weeks. She was the sweetest woman I have ever met. Unfortunately she didn’t make it. I was so scared. Kidney disease and failure can take you away so suddenly. Everyday I was scared it would take me too. I was so envious of those my age, able to do things. I was jealous at points. I didn’t deserve to be in such a position as this. Even to this day I feel so far behind those at my age. It takes a lot from you. You feel hopeless, you’re playing a game with death. You either get the call or die waiting. I was lucky to have the doctors I had. He pushed for me to get on the list. If I had any other doctor who knows where I’d be now. As the years went on I had many ports go bad and clot resulting in me needing many new ones. I had surgeries done for fistulas but they never lasted due to my weak veins. They never lasted and I have all the scars as a reminder that my body was and always will work against me. 

(PART 2 COMING SOON)

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wip -> final project!

Cruel Summer with You! ~

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WIP! Summer Mikasa !! <3333 🏖️

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no one talks about the grief of losing a friend to fall out...No matter the reasoning behind the decision to no longer speak, I still think about you and hope you're okay. 🌥️

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emu and her weird looking cat

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I DONT UNDERSTAND TUMBLR IM SO SAD I JUST WANT FRIENDS AND PPL THAT GET ME 😭😭😭😭

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It's cage cleaning day so here's some piggie pics while their beds are in the washer! 🌥️

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I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND SO MUCH!!!!!

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she's a bit quirky don't you think 💭 🩸 🔪

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☘️🪽

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I'm super shy, super shy! 🪽

This album is so cute, i'm not the biggest New Jeans fan but the album was too cute 🧸

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ONLY YESTERDAY • おもひでぽろぽろ 1991 | dir. Isao Takahata

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One of my current favorite doodles 🪼

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Bon Bon the Bunny from my Baby Pals collection! 🐰

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oink oink 🐽🪽

newest member to my Baby Pals collection!!