theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog

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[theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog]

Dependent by me

And so that one pill, out of the five already on my tongue, is missing. I panic and pull my hair scowering he kitchen for science to kill my sadness. Unaware, my pill sits on the CVS pharmacy counter, left behind. I sigh and give up. Surely just one pill won't hurt.

My vision is blurry and I really just want to sleep. The crossed eyes fight with my imagination and create images the room will never hold. The shadows are loud and are overtaking my rational mind. I’m tired, I’m so tired. If I fall asleep in class will anyone notice? Will anyone care? I just need to rest my eyes for a second. So as my head hits the cold desk and I hear the teacher yell and my eyes focus back into reality.

Dependent. I am dependent. I have always thought of myself as independent but no, I am far from that word. I enjoy going to cafe’s for hours and tapping away at keys but without that pill, without that one dose of pure endorphin, I am left like a zombie, forming sentences that don’t translate to everyday conversation. Please, please find it. Find my brain, my heart my life, please. Where is my motivation and everything I've worked for. Only two days without the pill and my brain has been reduced to rambling thoughts written on a google doc during a time where I should be trying to get work done.

Is this myself? Is this who I really am. Depressed, tired, spaced out, tired.  Can someone get me out of here? Please lift me from my body and leave me be. Hit me with a hammer and try to find the missing pieces. Where am I, where did I go? How could I still be here when you have destroyed my mind with forced drug addictions at sixteen. Help, I need help. But when there is no one to turn to where do I go? Where do I go?

Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that I don’t have any way or say and my life is just like this now. Reassure me that this is okay to live with a manufactured brain and a body which can’t function without drugs. I’m falling, I’m falling. Where to fall? Asleep or down the shallow end of a pool, ignoring the no diving signs. It’s not a day today, is it? Is this a dream I haven't read about yet? Yes, everything is fine I just need to wake up now. Please wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

It seems I’m awake. I can feel the pulling of my stomach and the dropping of my eyes but in the strangest manner. Re-reading what I’ve written is a hell of an experience. I seem to be slowly letting go. Let go. Let go. Welcome home.

[theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog]

Dirt by me

The ground underneath my feet has been touched by millions before I stumbled on this spot and called it home. Dead, alive, just hanging on; we all share this one spot of dirt at contains the gravity that holds to our feet, arms, tears. Has anyone died in this spot where my bare feet sink into the earth? This soil had seen more then I could imagine witnessing. Love, hate, life all has happened in this very spot. Not just this spot, but every step you take a million different things happened.

Time has an abundance of space to fill, and it does a damn good job at keeping things interesting. Does he sit at his desk planning our lives out do we really all effect everything that happens or does time get bored and start wars.

And what about gravity? It demands us to fall, yet we fly in planes issuing a fuck you to the scientific theory.

Humans think they run the world, but really the world is running us. No matter how hard we try and defy time and space, we still all sit in the same spots waiting for a history to come that's long gone.

[theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog]

Cactus Blooms

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Echeveria

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This work area is so beautiful. What a lovely place to work or craft. 

bohochic.style

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Echeveria Super Avagoides

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I have never written a word that did not come from my heart and I never shall

-Nellie Bly

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Loving this mini garden set up I just made!!

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Hey, would you help me out? I’m very gay, I’d like a few dollars

Klaus

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fake by Me

I see you

In the corner of the room, headphones in, bags under your eyes trying to be anywhere but in that seat

I hear you

Your laugh should be full and loud but it has been cut down and turned to a simple chuckle.

I smell you

Your negative energy with positivity sprayed over it like terrible smelling perfume

I taste you

The bitterness  lying on your tough as no one asks if you're okay

They see her

But I see you

[theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog]

The world spun on by Me

The world still spins

but the comments rain down,

waves climb the mountains

Always spinning round

Does it know of the fires

and terrors scream

Do they understand

or do they not even see

They spin yet

the devil unleashes his hounds,

and demons climb from below

Spinning, spinning

Maybe they do see it

and they don’t care

because they know it’s inevitable,

And better without her

So she floats up

Defying gravity

And the fires die down

And the demons go home

Spinning round, and round

yet no water rains down

[theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog]

Preach!

Ya know, bisexuality ain’t that hard to understand.

Girls are cute.

Guys are cute.

What more do you want from me?

[theplatformofplantsandwriti-blog]

One two three by Me

One, two, three,

I speak now with no truth in mind

I speak and you sit and listen

tuning out my dreadful words

I speak, unsure of what to say

because my mind, once bursting with ideas

Is still and conflicted

I speak but do not think of the

Trembling melody that flows from my lips

In a minor key

It is as if the life has been pulled out of me so

I sit confused with an empty mouth

waiting for it to erupt with color again

I say this with no direction in mind as

why brain is dry and my finger numb

I speak now

are you listening?

I speak now

do my words hold anything?

Am I Speaking?

Can you hear me?

Have I even started?

If I do start will I ever be able to stop?

Will my words engulf me and churn me out

into the person I desperately want to be,

or will it be someone I can’t bare to see?

If the words leave my mouth,

that is it.

My whisper will turn to a shout

for all to hear.

Is it time to face this fear?

I speak now

You can hear me now

Three, two, one.