Depression blog/personal/may vague post or whatever it’s called and I will be extra melodramatic. Write a god damn poem or some extra fuckery like that if I feel like it.
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Oh dear lord it’s only been like 2 hours fucking hell
Only real goal today is to not smoke weed until right before bed or just not at all.
Though all it’s made me is meh feeling. Got through the morning. Which is usually hard. But I feel blegh. I think I’m just gonna throw myself into a lot of video games today and just focus on that
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Only real goal today is to not smoke weed until right before bed or just not at all.
Though all it’s made me is meh feeling. Got through the morning. Which is usually hard. But I feel blegh. I think I’m just gonna throw myself into a lot of video games today and just focus on that
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I just feel so unsatisfied
Edit: I’m sober that’s why and I can’t really get more till Friday….. so fml
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Ugh :/
Sleep schedule messed up if I go to slee soon ….
Anywayyyy
Crazy me back in town lol.
After I found she was got a mug shot. I discovered she is most likely not living with the guy she chose over me So wait the very obviously bad and doomed relationship… ended? 😱😱😱 and that if you chose me over them you would have been kickin it with someone who at one point would have kissed the ground you walked no to living with random people you met off grindr 😂 and not even living or being together with the person you chose instead like LOL. Talk about a critical failure
I do figure he spreads every lie in the book about me. Saying all this made up shit just to get sympathy from people. Pathetic.
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So over ‘think pieces’
Before a think price was chill. You learned new info on a cool or interesting topic now every fucker sees anything and they are like “hey y’all here’s what I think about the _____ situation” IDC WHO ARE YOU WHY SHOULD INGOVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT. You just vent you’re framing shit in some higher intelligent self righteousness BS acting like oh everyone needs to know your opinion on this fuckikgnsubject IDC I don’t want to heard. Most of these think prices are over people with like 20k followers OMAY? IDC they did something shitty you don’t like block em! Like why sit there and just talk and talk and talk over a subject that really doesn’t fucking involve you like your just making fucking content. Your making reaction content that’s all you care about so fuck off. Ugh
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Never dating a girl again
Mainly cause speaking the words “baby girl” “or my sweet girl” send me into a crying fit I miss her so much
Just sticking to boys
Just gonna get buff and then find a cute twink and leash him and make sure he never leaves me
#I am a mess I am not speaking super sincerely#like it of course would be consensual haha#but just ugh sick of being left or betrayed :(
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It’s been a month….
I drank, then hydros, then addys, back to hydros, now just smoking wax.
Which a lot better than the others but a whole month just gone. Like wtf… fuck her.
I miss her but what she did was so fucked up. I just can’t forgive her even though I still love her. I still check her score daily to make sure she’s at least alive….
She’ll look at my story if I post but idk….
Idk what her life has been like the last month and for me I’ve just mainly been a loser except for the last week I have been working out but like other than just get high and play games and not think
And I have things I need to do
I just. Eventually something reminds me of her. Or is…. Or the the three of them. And then I started stalking the the thirds instagram storues like duck this sucks why why why.
Sh hurt me so bad
:(
Why why why
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Nah tommrowo I’ll stop but that means I need to finish this shot
And the rest of my drink
Cuz I don’t wNt to be like her
I’m stronger
I won’t turn to drinking like she did
#fuck I was vibing so hard until I passed out for 2 hours#I sobered up so much#after just 2 hours and a meal#like fuck#but now if I can finish this drink and shot#I’ll be vibing again#and hit what’s left of my 2 gram cart that i demolished in 4 days jfc#but my tummy is angy#I can tell how much she hates the alcohol#but I want to vibe and finish this shit so I’m not tempted tomorrow
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….
#I’ve never been a drinker till this week#perhaps it’s time to go back to dabs.#cause honestly same feeling#like maybe a little more standing balance with dabs#but not by much.#but same sort of click feeling or numb feeling.#though idk. love giving my lungs a break lmaooo#but I hate the taste of alcohol#I’ve just been barrelign through#and you think taking caring of alcoholic trying to recover would make me not want to pick up drinking for the first time#but idk I just wanted to understand and also $20 goes a long way with alcohol while dabs I need to be strategic#got to make ‘em last#and dabs are way more than $20 lmaooo#and also she broke my heart#again#for like the fifth time#so I just cried for a day and then started drinking but idk#I think tomorrow I’ll try to stop#I’ve drank everyday since I’ve last seen her#it hurt so much how she betrayed me haha#sorry for the boner killer depressing ass tags#I just don’t want to talk about it cause it’s so embarrassing I keep letting someone fuck me ov I er#but I need to like vent about it lol
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I just found out out that my favorite Batman VA was GAY I didn’t know 😭😭 He came out in 2016 cause he he lost roles in the past for people finding out he was gay and then 😭😭😭 he died in 2022 😭😭😭
It’s Not 😭😭😭😭fair😭😭😭😭
And I can’t find any pics of him and his husband 😭😭
Ugh not losing another gay icon 😭😭
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I feel criticized for trying to strive for perfection and also for not yet achieving this perfection.
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My intrusive thoughts?
Doing this to all my enemies and any one who idk just slightly inconveniences me
Be lucky magic ain’t real cause you bitches would be getting it
#yeah so what if I care about people and probably wouldn’t but idk idk#some of you be testing me#and if one of you caught me on a bad day? heart rip#just gonna crush it and watch you shrivel up like a slug#also Regina Mills has quite literally been living in my head rent free since 2011#like the impact this character has had on me has been wild#I would mostly be doing this to bigots and government officials anywayyyy#eh maybe some randos too#listen I make my intrusive thought magical becuase if for some reason I actually did let the intrusive thoughts win I would be doing -#what eleven did in stranger things when she lost her powers#like it would look like I’m larping or some shit or id be punching someone’s ches and they would be like bro? what are you doing#so yeah#no harm would actually happen if they intrusive thoughts won…#unless magic was real#then yikes!! guess I’m the villain lmao
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I’m so over living
But my favorite gacha game has new events and characters coming soon so
Alas I must find a way to hold on until the unforeseeable future
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Every time I start a vent post I always end up getting way too long or descriptive so it always ends up being a draft post for future therapist 😭😭
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Tumblr may be a hell site but it’s semi consistent in the way that I can make vent posts on here and it’s the equivalent of screaming my most inner thoughts into a cave and no one hears them except maybe a random guy who for some reason lives in the cave
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I forgot about this blog… I will turn her into my depression lair 🥰🥰
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