Depression blog/personal/may vague post or whatever it’s called and I will be extra melodramatic. Write a god damn poem or some extra fuckery like that if I feel like it.
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Never dating a girl again
Mainly cause speaking the words “baby girl” “or my sweet girl” send me into a crying fit I miss her so much
Just sticking to boys
Just gonna get buff and then find a cute twink and leash him and make sure he never leaves me
#I am a mess I am not speaking super sincerely#like it of course would be consensual haha#but just ugh sick of being left or betrayed :(
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It’s been a month….
I drank, then hydros, then addys, back to hydros, now just smoking wax.
Which a lot better than the others but a whole month just gone. Like wtf… fuck her.
I miss her but what she did was so fucked up. I just can’t forgive her even though I still love her. I still check her score daily to make sure she’s at least alive….
She’ll look at my story if I post but idk….
Idk what her life has been like the last month and for me I’ve just mainly been a loser except for the last week I have been working out but like other than just get high and play games and not think
And I have things I need to do
I just. Eventually something reminds me of her. Or is…. Or the the three of them. And then I started stalking the the thirds instagram storues like duck this sucks why why why.
Sh hurt me so bad
:(
Why why why
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Nah tommrowo I’ll stop but that means I need to finish this shot
And the rest of my drink
Cuz I don’t wNt to be like her
I’m stronger
I won’t turn to drinking like she did
#fuck I was vibing so hard until I passed out for 2 hours#I sobered up so much#after just 2 hours and a meal#like fuck#but now if I can finish this drink and shot#I’ll be vibing again#and hit what’s left of my 2 gram cart that i demolished in 4 days jfc#but my tummy is angy#I can tell how much she hates the alcohol#but I want to vibe and finish this shit so I’m not tempted tomorrow
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….
#I’ve never been a drinker till this week#perhaps it’s time to go back to dabs.#cause honestly same feeling#like maybe a little more standing balance with dabs#but not by much.#but same sort of click feeling or numb feeling.#though idk. love giving my lungs a break lmaooo#but I hate the taste of alcohol#I’ve just been barrelign through#and you think taking caring of alcoholic trying to recover would make me not want to pick up drinking for the first time#but idk I just wanted to understand and also $20 goes a long way with alcohol while dabs I need to be strategic#got to make ‘em last#and dabs are way more than $20 lmaooo#and also she broke my heart#again#for like the fifth time#so I just cried for a day and then started drinking but idk#I think tomorrow I’ll try to stop#I’ve drank everyday since I’ve last seen her#it hurt so much how she betrayed me haha#sorry for the boner killer depressing ass tags#I just don’t want to talk about it cause it’s so embarrassing I keep letting someone fuck me ov I er#but I need to like vent about it lol
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I just found out out that my favorite Batman VA was GAY I didn’t know 😭😭 He came out in 2016 cause he he lost roles in the past for people finding out he was gay and then 😭😭😭 he died in 2022 😭😭😭
It’s Not 😭😭😭😭fair😭😭😭😭
And I can’t find any pics of him and his husband 😭😭
Ugh not losing another gay icon 😭😭
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I feel criticized for trying to strive for perfection and also for not yet achieving this perfection.
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My intrusive thoughts?
Doing this to all my enemies and any one who idk just slightly inconveniences me
Be lucky magic ain’t real cause you bitches would be getting it
#yeah so what if I care about people and probably wouldn’t but idk idk#some of you be testing me#and if one of you caught me on a bad day? heart rip#just gonna crush it and watch you shrivel up like a slug#also Regina Mills has quite literally been living in my head rent free since 2011#like the impact this character has had on me has been wild#I would mostly be doing this to bigots and government officials anywayyyy#eh maybe some randos too#listen I make my intrusive thought magical becuase if for some reason I actually did let the intrusive thoughts win I would be doing -#what eleven did in stranger things when she lost her powers#like it would look like I’m larping or some shit or id be punching someone’s ches and they would be like bro? what are you doing#so yeah#no harm would actually happen if they intrusive thoughts won…#unless magic was real#then yikes!! guess I’m the villain lmao
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I’m so over living
But my favorite gacha game has new events and characters coming soon so
Alas I must find a way to hold on until the unforeseeable future
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Every time I start a vent post I always end up getting way too long or descriptive so it always ends up being a draft post for future therapist 😭😭
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Tumblr may be a hell site but it’s semi consistent in the way that I can make vent posts on here and it’s the equivalent of screaming my most inner thoughts into a cave and no one hears them except maybe a random guy who for some reason lives in the cave
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I forgot about this blog… I will turn her into my depression lair 🥰🥰
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