thediaryofnikkiv

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“ Ease is a greater threat to progress than hardship.“

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“ Without consistency, you’ll never finish.“

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Embrace what makes you unique, even if it makes others uncomfortable. I didn’t have to become perfect because I’ve learned throughout my journey that perfection is the enemy of greatness.

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The Power of Acceptance

Acceptance is the most direct path to inner peace and to the unfolding of new wisdom. Even though it is the simplest answer to relaxing our being and seeing things more clearly, acceptance is ignored because it is challenging to practice. Applying acceptance means you have to let go of what could be and finally embrace what is.

There is a common misconception that inner peace is a state of bliss, where you are coated in the sensation of pleasure and you never experience any troubles or hard feelings. This is far from the truth because the vast majority of life is a long series of uncontrollable events, which means that things will eventually happen that are not to your liking. Even though difficult times come in waves, you can prepare your mind to better handle the ups and downs by cultivating inner balance through acceptance.

Building a sense of non-reactiveness to your ever-changing emotions does not mean ignoring them, it means feeling them completely without letting them govern your mind and actions. Instead of becoming your emotions, you sit with them and observe them – there is a subtle difference here that helps you regain your power and become less attached...

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Everything changes when you realize that the challenge itself isn’t the toughest part—it is your reaction to the challenge that is filling your mind with tension and struggle. Before you can set yourself free, you first need to understand how you make things harder for yourself. Many of us do not realize how we get stuck in a reactive loop, always allowing external events to dictate how we feel, without fully accepting that our real power emerges from training our mind to observe. If you spent more time observing than reacting, you would start to notice how the absence of reaction also means the absence of tension. The absence of reaction is essentially a profound ability to let go. If you spent your whole life reacting, don’t expect your ability to observe to become perfectly honed overnight. It takes time and intention to break a habit that has been repeated countless times.

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🦋

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Recognizing Your Soul Tie And How To Break It

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone and felt so deeply connected to them? Everything about the relationship was intense – good or bad? Then you might be in a part of a soul tie.

The concept of a soul tie binds individuals on a level beyond a relationship's physical and emotional aspects; it’s more than a mere connection. You can form a soul tie with anyone – lover, friend, colleague, etc.- but we are discussing romantic partners for this article. Think of you and your partner as an intensely burning flame. The flame can burn passionately to light the relationship’s way or chaotically burn everything in its path. Either way, it leaves an indelible mark on the souls involved.

A soul tie should not be confused with the term “soulmate.” The main difference is that a soul tie can be positive or negative, while a soulmate is a mutual, harmonious connection. Unlike a soul tie, a soulmate relationship is generally characterized by mutual understanding, support, and shared values.

However, the more we learn about soul ties, the more it becomes evident that they are not monolithic; they vary in nature and intensity. As someone who has experienced a negative soul tie, it is crucial to discern whether they contribute positively to personal growth or hinder you from flourishing.

A negative soul tie manifests as a detrimental and draining connection between individuals. One clear sign of a negative soul tie is the presence of emotional turmoilwithin the relationship. When the connection becomes a source of constant distress, causing emotional upheaval and hindering personal development, it indicates a negative soul tie.

Codependency is another red flag for a negative soul tie. In such connections, individuals may become overly reliant on each other, impeding their ability to thrive independently. Codependency often leads to unhealthy dependencies and can result in a toxic dynamic that hinders both individuals' growth and well-being.

A lack of effective communication is a third indicator of a negative soul tie. When there is a breakdown in communication, misunderstandings and unresolved issues can fester, contributing to a strained and unhealthy connection. In negative soul ties, the absence of open and honest dialogue can perpetuate a cycle of negativity and prevent the resolution of underlying issues. These three indicators—emotional turmoil, codependency, and poor communication—point to the negativity associated with an unhealthy soul tie.

Unfortunately, my deep, intense connection only caused destruction. And despite the obvious red flags, it took a minute before I broke the connection. Why? Because I was addicted to the relationship, we both were. But it is possible to break a soul tie if and when you are ready because if you are not, pretending you are when you are not is a waste of your time.

Breaking a soul tie requires intentional and purposeful actions. Establishing clear and firm boundaries is a fundamental step in severing the connection. By limiting contact and emotional engagement with the person involved, individuals can gradually weaken the tie and create space for personal growth.

Seeking professional support is another effective strategy to break a soul tie. Guidance from therapists or counselors provides valuable insights and coping strategies. Professional assistance can help individuals navigate the emotional challenges associated with breaking a soul tie, offering a structured and supportive environment for healing.

Redirecting energy toward personal growth is important in breaking free from a soul tie. Engaging in activities that promote individual well-being and create a sense of independence allows individuals to refocus their attention on their own growth and development. This redirection of energy is essential for breaking the emotional bonds of a soul tie and moving towards a healthier, more fulfilling life.

The last step I advise everyone to go through is the mourning period. My partner and I did our song and dance for years before I walked away. And I would be lying if I didn’t say that I mourned our relationship while I healed.

Recognizing the presence and nature of a soul tie in your relationship is crucial to understanding its impact on your well-being. Whether positive or negative, the intensity of a soul tie can shape the course of your personal growth and happiness. Breaking free from a negative soul tie demands intentional efforts, from setting clear boundaries to seeking professional support. Redirecting energy toward personal growth and allowing oneself a necessary mourning period are vital steps toward healing and liberation from the intricate ties that bind.

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"For a long time, I defined myself by what I wasn’t… My life changed when I focused on what I was, what I was good at, what I liked most about myself and what made me stand out. Once I learned to like me more than others did, then I didn’t have to worry about being the funniest or the most popular or the prettiest. I was the best me and I only ever tried to be that."

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“Every time I think I’m saving myself from a headache, I end up with a migraine.”

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“Train your boundaries to be stronger than your soft heart.”

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SHERYL LEE RALPH accepts her award for Best Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series at the 28th Annual Critics Choice Awards (January 15, 2023)

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February is American Heart Month, a time when the nation shines a light on cardiovascular health. Heart disease continues to be the leading cause of death worldwide, especially in women, and can be prevented with education and healthy lifestyle changes.

Personally, this is an initiative that hits close to home. As some of you know, my Mom, Juanita Vaughan, lost her battle with heart disease in January 2015. In 2017, I founded, Juanita's Heart Ride, a spin class and charity initiative, in partnership with Go Red for Women and the American Heart Association, to raise funds and awareness on this deadly disease.

This month, I'm asking my family and friends to participate in Juanita's Heart Challenge. Do Your Heart Some Good by committing to one, some, or all of the following challenges for 28 days:

1. Workout 30 minutes per day - this includes walking, dancing and any other form of cardio that gets the heart pumping

2. Eat smart - put down the junk and fried food

3. No smoking - give your heart (and lungs) a break this month

4. More sleep - put the phone on DND and commit to at least 7 hours of sleep per night

5. Less stress - don't let your job, family or anyone's dusty ass son / daughter stress you out this month. WOOSAH!

If you'd like to make a donation to the AHA and GRFW, you can do so at: http://www2.heart.org/goto/juanitavaughan

Stay tuned for more details on Juanita's Heart Wellness Day at the end of the month in Brooklyn.❣️

And don't forget, Friday, February 3rd is National Wear Red Day.❤️

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🙏🏾💔🌹

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The heartbreak does come up, and I get to hold that gently and lovingly and then say, remind myself, ‘I woke up every morning of my life and I’ve tried to do my best, so I must be where I’m supposed to be. I’ve been single for a very long time. I have had many wonderful ins and outs of things, but no one stuck to the pan. As a result, I get to curate my family, my chosen family around me. And I don’t think I realized the gift of that until I’ve started to get older.

Tracee Ellis Ross 

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