thechroniclesofpms

[thechroniclesofpms]

I'm a published writer? UH, YES!

I’ve been contemplating sharing this news because after a year and some in publishing, I know that publication dates can change, printing can get delayed, and projects even get dropped. In fact, since the first and last time I mentioned at least one of these projects to my closest family and friends, COVID was in the thick of terrorizing us, and dates shifted like an MF.

For the longest, I stopped sharing updates about these books, and my life in general, because I started feeling and sounding like an imposter, like I was making this “writing career” thing up in my head. And hell, maybe I am. Delusion can be tricky. As of now, it’s starting to feel a little real.  

I’m proud to share that my short story, Welcome to Hicksville, will be published in RIZE Short Story Anthology, due to hit shelves on May 7th, 2024.

My essay, Silence is Healing, will be published in Mamas, Martyrs, and Jezebels: Myths, Legends, and Other Lies You’ve Been Told About Black Women, available February 2024.

And remember that essay I wrote in 2020, called The Black American Identity Quiz? The one I was invited onto a podcast to chit-chat about earlier this year? Well, it is also being published in Overlooked: Counselor Insights for the Unspoken Issues in Black American Life, written by Dr. Laverne Hanes Collins. As of now, it is set for a December 20th publication date. 

All are now available for preorder below:

RIZE Short Story Anthology

Overlooked: Counselor Insights for the Unspoken Issues in Black American Life

Mamas, Martyrs, and Jezebels

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: As I travel on this journey of the unknown, I call on God and my spirit guides for clarity, direction, and most of all, patience. I release the need to know every twist and turn, and trust that this road designed for me will never mislead me. I release the desire to control. I release attachment to the outcome and instead embrace the experiences that await me along the way. I look forward to the unfathomable possibilities and the opportunities for expansion. I will appreciate the ride, for this is only the beginning of my wildest dreams.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: You have all the tools you need to succeed. God has prepared you to manage every blessing that enters your life. Release doubt, release angst, and know that you were created to be great. Your skills, your knowledge, your drive, your passion, and undeniable charisma got you this far and they will not fail you - neither will God and your beloved ancestors. Remain hopeful and have faith. Always trust your intuition and remain in alignment with your purpose. This is only the beginning.

[thechroniclesofpms]

REVIEW: the honey pot company

Now, this one I just couldn’t resist.

This review might be a bit invasive, but I think it would be helpful to share with anyone who experiences menstrual cycles and suffers from severe symptoms. I myself have spent years living through, not only heavy bleeding but also painful cramps that have left me nauseous, vomiting, with a lack of appetite, and bed bound.

From middle school all the way into my last year of undergrad, I would have to consume a large milligram of ibuprofen every day and at least every six hours to keep my cramps under control. Even still the pain wasn’t that tolerable and the pain reliever would make me sicker if I didn’t eat enough for it to burn through. On top of that, my menstrual would last for seven days. SEVEN miserable days and half of them I would have to skip class, call off work or leave one or the other early IF I managed to attend. Things didn’t get easier for me until the worse occurred, that being menorrhagia. 

Due to stress, poor dieting, and I’m sure fibroids that most of the women in my family have, my period lasted for a month until I was prescribed Aviane; a hormonal birth control that can regulate help periods. Though I’ve always said I would never take birth control because of the side effects, I can easily say I haven’t had a bad experience with this brand and they’ve helped make my period functional. It wasn’t until I also started using Honey Pot Company pads that I realized periods don’t have to be just functional.

They can be, in fact, be  l o v e l y. 

Yes, I said it.

Lovely.

Up until this week, I used Always Overnight Maxi pads. They were thick enough for the heavy flow, long enough without feeling like a diaper and Target always ran a sale on Always products that offered a $5 gift card. Because it was such a perfect match, I never looked at other brands for pads until I was made aware of what these pads are made of. To name a few: styrene, acetone, and chloroform. To learn a bit more in-depth about all the dangerous chemicals laced on and in the pads, tampons, and panty liners women wear, visit Women’s Voices for the Earth. 

After reading more and more, I realized I was unknowingly harming my body and possibly causing reproductive issues all these years. This research and much girl talk led me to organic pads. So far I’ve only tried two, and of them, Honey Pot was the supreme.

The line was founded by Bea Feliu-Espada, a woman of color who took from her own bad experience to create better ones for herself and other women. This line is biodegradable, cruelty-free, powered by herbs, and includes no toxins, artificial fragrances, or any synthetic chemicals. Not only are they made by women but are gynecologist approved.

Now, I had a bit of a hard time finding the right size for these. Initially I bought overnight but they were extremely long and I would only recommend them to sleep in. After shopping around at different Targets, I was finally able to get my hands on the super length and they are PERFECT! 

Listen, I cannot express enough how God sent these pads are. Immediately after putting them on, you can feel the breeze of the infused mint hitting your skin and it is the most soothing feeling to have on your period. It also helps with the cramps and slows down the flow. I was shocked when I used an organic pad by L on the first day of my cycle, experiencing my regular flow, and the sudden change when I used Honey Pot Company for the remaining four days. At some point, I literally forgot I was on my period and I never used a Tylenol. There were no cramps, no back pains, nothing. Also, I noticed when I used Always, the pads irritated my skin, causing itching and discomfort. That was due to the chemicals on the pads and that is also not an issue with Honey Pot Company.

Initially, I thought the pads were a bit pricey, $7.99 for only 12, but after using them I realized they were well worth the amount. For one, I don’t need to use as many in a day and two, they’re just overall a healthier choice. I would suggest to anyone who wants to try them to order from the website and if you like them as much as I do, stock up!

Target is the only store in my area that carries the brand and due to popularity, the super size runs out rather quickly. They are also sold at Walmart and Walgreens as far as more convenient stores. Let me not forget to mention that the Honey Pot Company also carries tampons for those who prefer them, postpartum pads for mothers and a slew of other feminine products that keep the vagina healthier than ever.

Now that I’ve shared the secret to having a lovely period, GO SELL HONEY POT COMPANY OUT!

[thechroniclesofpms]

from grouch to gratitude.

Since I was a young girl, I’ve always had this unexplainable fascination with New York City. I’m sure I can blame it on the countless times I watched Brown Sugar and lived vicariously through Sanaa Lathan’s glamorous life as a writer/editor, or maybe I can blame it on the fact that it’s the same place, my favorite friends, Khadijah, Synclaire, Maxine and Regine shared their Brooklyn brownstone. Either way, almost every show, movie or musician I admired over the span of my adolescence originated in New York City, making it inevitable to be drawn to its liveliness. 

My desire to one day live a life there that mirrored all these fictional women never seemed to die the older I got. In fact, it only intensified. My heart constantly grew fonder for a city I had never seen in person and at times I believed I’d forever dream of it and never get to feel it, smell it, touch it, or experience it. I assumed, after calculating airfare and lounging costs for the last four years and always coming up short, that this place was just not written in the stars for me. If I couldn’t even visit how in the world was I supposed to live there?

Maybe my desperation did the trick, or my determination combined with encouragement from my therapist did. In all honesty, I’m certain that all three tagged team my assumption and obliterated it. The once unrequited love story New York City and I shared became no longer this past June. In celebration of my golden birthday, I was able to finally book a round trip flight and queen suite at Hotel Mela located in the heart of Times Square. 

How I managed to pay for it all, upfront, out of my pocket, and without having to irresponsibly take out a loan is beyond me. I guess I could say that God heard my heart’s desires and the stars finally aligned. It was bound to happen someday though if you ask me. I had not only dreamed about this but talked about it as well. For almost three months prior to the trip, I spoke it into existence during therapy sessions.

I remember it clearly, a discussion on independence striking it up. I had stressed to my therapist that at my age, I still felt as if I wasn’t a real adult. I admitted that I had been comparing myself to peers from elementary and high school that I constantly saw on Facebook and Instagram. Whenever I’d see new posts about their lives I began to feel as if my lack of a relationship, kids, traveling, or even my own apartment took away from my adult experience. I felt stagnant in comparison to many and I began believing that because I wasn’t where I thought I’d be by 25/26 years old, even if I weren’t in a horrible place, I had failed.

As many times as I’ve read inspirational posts that stress the idea that we are all on different paths and the age we reach our ultimate goals doesn’t matter, I still thought otherwise. And I blamed it all on being an only child who was sheltered and always had help. Whether my mom, granny, or other family members, someone was always there to guide me, support me, practically hold my hand and act as a battery in my back. I can’t remember a time I ever had to do something completely by myself until I went off to college.

It took a lot, and I mean hour-long in-depth conversations, for me to realize that those weren’t bad things. I simply had an amazing mother and a loving tribe around me, something people would die for. I learned to accept the help and use it to my advantage for as long as I could, but the late bloomer part was still a pill I couldn’t seem to swallow.

Every typical milestone, outside of school, which most of us meet around the same age, I met a few years later. You name it and I can guarantee I was behind my peers in that race. That delay then lingered into my adulthood when I completed undergrad almost two years after my expected graduation date and now into my career which is slowly beginning to make a turn down the right path.

In some cases, this time thing is inevitable. Nothing flourishes as it should overnight and no matter how bad I may want it to. But of course, the Virgo Moon in me needed to take control of something and make it happen as we speak. The idea of traveling alone came about immediately but fear set in even quicker. I wasn’t used to going too much of anywhere without my mom or a friend, let alone to a city so far and ten times bigger than my own.

That’s when my therapist advised me to take baby steps. She advised me to start off wandering around Chicago by myself, that way I can become comfortable somewhere I’m used to first, and if I feel I’m ready, go to New York City solo. I wasn’t ready though, far from it. And at some point, I decided I’d rather cancel all of my plans if I couldn’t do them as I originally intended.

That’s just like me, to back down and give up immediately after something doesn’t pan out perfectly or rather unrealistically. It’s been a process to break this behavior pattern but my therapist has been showing me how to step back for a moment and get another perspective of the situation that may be at hand and in this case: invite someone else on this trip but take a day or whatever time span I’m content with and spend it alone. That way there is a balance, comfort, and a sense of gratification knowing I stuck to my intention.

It was reasonable and alleviated that failure I allowed myself to sink deeper and deeper into.

So I went on and finally booked that queen suite at Hotel Mela and my mom and I’s roundtrip flight. Until a light bulb went off in my head as I prearranged every day of our trip down to the t, paid for tickets to shows and events. I realized I had been practicing independence all along.

For one, I held myself accountable as any adult should and not only took it upon myself to seek therapy for my mental health but to check off two other boxes on my lifelong to-do list. That being, making one of my wildest dreams come true while simultaneously sharing it with my mother as a way to pay her back for all that she has done for me. 

Every single place we went during that week in New York City, I had moments where I’d stop to snap photos and just absorb my reality. While on the Brooklyn Bridge, after my mom and I struggled to make it across in the scorching heat and sea of bodies, it made my heart ache with joy to see her smile. A genuine smile curved her lips as she took in the view of the downtown area or even when we visited the Color Factory. It was the first time in a long time that she let her hair down and laughed. She cracked jokes and that stern façade she holds on a daily had long faded. She was relaxing and being her goofy self. We were both living fully in every single moment, and in those moments I felt nothing but complete gratitude. 

They gave me a chance to appreciate where I’ve come from and where I am now because just as one of my first affirmations for the week stated: in order to have an abundant life, you have to be grateful for what you have now and who you are now.

The task isn’t something that’s easy to do. It’s something I practice and fail at every single day, but that should be the case whenever we are learning something new. 

I suggest to whoever comes across this post to exercise gratitude. Every day, in those moments when things seem bad, take a second and seek out the good. Acknowledge how they make you feel, meditate on that feeling and appreciate them. It will help you appreciate life as a whole and all of the possibilities that will follow those moments. It keeps me, a person fighting pessimistic thoughts every day, optimistic.

It’s safe to say that I thoroughly enjoyed New York City. It was everything I dreamed of and more, and planning the trip itself kindled a fire inside me that can’t be tamed. Until the time comes for me to leave my life in Chicago behind and expand to the east coast, I’ll simply enjoy the journey.

[thechroniclesofpms]

finding balance.

It’s been a little bit over two months since the death of my granny, and though I can admit I’m in a better headspace than I was the first few days and even weeks following, it still doesn’t make the loss easier. I’ve slowly come to terms with the simple fact that she is no longer physically present, but I’m not sure I ever will completely accept that her spirit is dead. And sometimes it’s comforting not to.

Some may argue that I’m insane but there are times when my granny’s presence is explicitly seen, her energy is felt, like in the green leaves of the plant sitting in my window. Before her death, it was dying. Hues of yellow and brown invaded the pot as if I had bought it that way. I haven’t seen those colors since August, and I’d like to think her green thumb is what is keeping it alive. Every other day I’m seeing synchronized numbers, literally everywhere, and at the most random times. It’s usually aligned with those moments when I’m overwhelmed with doubt or feeling downright lost. They appear like magic and I just know that it’s her way of communicating with me, reminding me that she is here and that I will be okay. And whenever I pray now, it’s no longer just me. It is us. She speaks through me and transfers her unyielding faith onto me, something I can say I never had despite being brought up in a Baptist church.

Because of these gestures, the physical discomfort I once carried; the heaviness, the headaches, the palpitations, the literal tug and pull of my heart as it detached itself from me while I detached myself from reality, is gone.

Several talks with my therapist has helped. During those conversations, I began to grasp the idea of death beyond my fear of it. I began to unravel my feelings as I always do and I decided that death is just a part of nature. Yes, it’s inevitable and sometimes unpredictable. It happens when we least expect and to who we least expect it to happen to. However, what if death is something to anticipate? Sure, it is the ending of our physical journey but merely the beginning of our spiritual. Spiritually, energetically we can maneuver this life as we please. We can travel through time and still be present with loved ones at any given moment unlike we can in our current bodies. We are no longer constrained to one place but are free; to be anything, to see anything and to experience everything. Free is the one thing I am sure we all yearn to be one day.

I won’t lie and say that coming to that conclusion wasn’t tough. For one, I didn’t expect to lose her. She was just fine the week before her departure and then suddenly things went left. It also doesn’t help that through my eyes, my granny wore an invincible cloak. She had made it around the sun for a total of ninety years despite all that she had endured and because of that, I just knew she would walk this Earth forever. Literally nothing could break her spirit. However, the shell that it occupied was worn, completely exhausted and during her last days that I was able to share with her, I saw an unexplainable pain that I had never seen before. It wore her, it consumed her. Several times in my life, I had heard my granny call out to God but nothing like the way she did in that hospital bed. I knew when the most potent pain meds couldn’t end hers, that where she laid would be the end. And when it finally happened, I knew she was at peace. Where I preferred here to be.

Other than therapy, some other practices that have kept me balanced and allowed me to function in a healthy manner while still working a stressful job and enrolled in graduate school include: journaling my thoughts, writing affirmations, praying more, curating playlists and most recently meditating. I was never consistent with the latter before and I’m still not, but whenever I get a chance to just sit and breathe, I do it. I allow air to flow naturally through my lungs, listen to my surroundings and just be.

And sometimes, just being is okay; being sad, being angry, being whatever you desire to feel. Allow it to wash over you, become one with it rather than run from it. That way you can move through the waves, the worst of them, allow it to change you if it must and then arrive at the wake of what is presumed a storm. The storm may be longer than you like, but it gets easier.

It will get easier.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: I am confident in my abilities and I am successful in all that I do. People want to hear my thoughts and trust my judgement. My voice holds power. I am an asset everywhere that I go. I will not accept compensation that doesn’t match my worth. I will not beg for opportunities, opportunities flow to me with ease. I have earned everything that I have and I deserve everything that I desire.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: All praises to God, The Divine, for the life that I am living and have lived. I am grateful for waking up to encounter a new day, a new week, a new month and a new year. Though the previous year may have tested my physical, mental and emotional health, I am grateful for the current state they are in. I am present, alert and stable.

Though there were obstacles I faced and surpassed, and even some unable to surmount, I am grateful for the lessons they taught me and the strength they gave me.

I am grateful for the phase of my journey that I currently occupy. I am grateful for where it may take me and the limitless opportunities that await me. I am open to all the blessings, experiences and adventures this new year has to offer me. From them all I seek peace, ease, excitement and joy.

And so it is.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: The intrusive and negative thoughts in my head do not belong to me. I do not claim them or trust them. I release the need to control things that are indeed out of my control. I focus only on what I can fix and handle. I make space for peace inside and around me, and not pessimism or panic. I choose to breathe through uncomfortable situations and have faith in my intuition, for it is rooted in the divine. I will make it onto the other side of my circumstances. I will not succumb to any doubt or fears that want me to believe otherwise.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Mm, nothing like a photo dump filled with dark humor and not so random snapshots that lighten the truth about how you’re really feeling, coping, or even suffering! [end sarcasm]

Moment of Transparency: It is sometimes if not most times, a hassle to get out of bed these days. I’m either sleeping later than usual or would just rather lay there. It’s getting harder to picture a future anymore too. With all that is going on globally and personally, every day can feel like doomsday. It doesn’t help that I’m an insomniac, have been for a while now, because there is always something to dwell on at 2 a.m. that happened five years ago to as little as a minute ago. Not to mention the lack of rest makes me hostile and achy, and at least four variations of this post made over three weeks were left for dead in my drafts just like many of my priorities because my attention is scattered.

I’m slowly getting back into a routine, but what really helped me find a bit of ease was a recent FaceTime call with a friend. She reminded me that I have someone who understands what I’m going through and is on this ride with me. I’m currently without a therapist (AND IT SHOWS) but am blessed enough to be a part of a safe space for black women where I was reminded, yet again, that I am supported. I hope you all know you are too.

Sometimes it helps to know that we’re not solo dolo in whatever it is we’re maneuvering through or even drowning under, and that healing as a collective is just as important and beneficial as the healing we do on our own. So please, if you need to, my comments are a safe space. How are you doing? Let it out.

Sending love, light, and protection to whoever and wherever you are.

[thechroniclesofpms]

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: Life is not a puzzle meant to be solved. It is meant to be explored and questioned. Nothing is definite nor predictable. Therefore, despite the unknown and doubt that sets in, I will trust that fire in my bones, that flutter in my gut, that tension in my chest - my intuition. I will trust God and my elevated Ancestors and live and love fearlessly. I will tap into my purpose and allow it to lead me to where I am intended to be and to who I am intended to meet. Even if the journey feels aimless, I will remember I was placed on this Earth for something larger than myself. Even if I fail, even if I fall, I will rise and be as I am destined.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: I am guided and always supported by my beloved ancestors. I give thanks to those that always have my best interest in mind and want to see me thriving and happy. I thank them for paving the way, creating opportunities and continuously protecting me on my journey. I thank them for keeping me aligned with my purpose and redirecting me when I fall off track. I thank them for their prayers, though not heard they are always felt. Though my life is mine to live, the healing and growth that I attain I give back to them. I see you all, I feel you all, I honor you all, and I thank you infinitely.

[thechroniclesofpms]

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A post shared by PMS✨ (@porshams)

M A S T E R E D I T ✨

I told myself that if I ever went back to school, this time around, I’m studying what my heart truly desires. Despite being young, I no longer have time to waste my energy on things that don’t bring me peace and utter bliss. I’ve been doing that for far too long. So I also told myself that I will aim for my wildest dreams rather than grow old, complacent and wonder what could have been. Even if I fail, even if I’m setback 1,000 times, at least I tried. I owed that to 25 year old Porsha who applied to the MFA program at Columbia College Chicago not believing she was good enough to be accepted and even more to 7 year old Porsha who discovered that storytelling wasn’t just something she was good at. It wasn’t just something she won a Young Author’s award for but instead it was and is the key to her survival. Writing stories saved my life in undergrad and without it and God I wouldn’t be able to type the rest of this caption.

I am so so sooooo proud to say that on Saturday May 15th, 2021 I will be graduating from Columbia College Chicago with my Master’s, a 3.9 GPA, published work to my name and a draft of my first manuscript. Many may not find value in what I do, believe in my vision or even truly believe in me and that’s okay. I believe in my damn self. I’m sure the four women on my sweatshirt do too. They paved, one still paving, the way and left legacies and blueprints that inspire me everyday.

I’d be a fool to not study and create my own.

Signed,

Another bad ass black woman of literature.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: I envision a life overflowing with ease. I deserve to relish the finer things that this world has to offer. I choose my comfort and pleasure rather than carry the pain and uneasiness the world projects onto me. I only think abundant thoughts, therefore I emit a high frequency that draws me closer to all that I need and desire. Pure bliss is my birthright and I will own it, wear it and nothing will take it away.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: My faith keeps me strong even through uncertain and unprecedented times. All my thoughts, words and actions are divinely guided. I find peace everywhere that I go because I am divinely loved and supported. I will keep my head to the sky and surrender to God always, for I am in alignment with my destiny and there is nothing to fear.

[thechroniclesofpms]

Affirmation: I will hold my vision. I will follow my heart regardless of the haters and my own ego. I will maintain faith and always move with intention. I will be consistent and commit to the process. I will show up for myself, and the wide eyed child that lives within me, each and every day. I trust that everything is happening for me and not against me. Everything that I need to fulfill my vision, I already have. Anything that I may lack, I trust God and the universe will provide. I am preparing to be and have all that I have ever dreamed of.